See,
I wouldn't say that I don't miss you,
But I don't think I need you,
Not too much,
Not anymore.

I mean,*
I'm not better;
If anything,
Things are worse,
But that craving that you once gave me,
That craving for you,
Is possibly non-existent now.

I warned you not to make any promises,
I warned you about the others,
I warned you that I'd be stress,
I warned you,
But you're difficult,
I kinda wish you weren't.

Don't worry,
I've met new people,
Amazing people,
Not like you,
But that might be a good thing,
Or a bad thing.

These people are here,
For now at least,
But I won't fall,
Or so I say,
I don't fall easy,
But I fall hard,
Maybe I won't fall this time,
For whatever charm that is placed,
On me,
But,
I can't make any promises.

Now the main question is,
And I hope you're curious to find out too,
Do I still have feeling for you?
Déjà vu,
Well,
Maybe I do,
But nothing worth feeling,
But how can I be sure,
When you've been gone for so long.

I'll go mad,
Again,
If I let myself think about you,
Again,
You were right when you said I shouldn't,
But we both know I'm stubborn,
And determined,
But I've lost hope,
Kinda like our friendship.

I need to move on,
I need some help to move on,
But you've made me less trusting,
**If that's even possible.

He said to me with swollen eyes,
"Heaven is better than this,
  So if there is no purpose for my living,
  Why delay my rapture. I love you,
  But I'm only going to Hurt you if I stay."

A peck on my lips,
"Go, run home!"
And he ran,
I yelled and cried,
He ran and ran,
I stood, so scared,
With tears in my eyes,
Gun shots in the air.

No one could help him.
"It wouldn't be suicide,"
The words he said echoed in my head,
"I'm just going to be in the wrong place,
At the right time."

I ran and ran,
Cried and cried,
I couldn't watch,
It was a blood bath,
A riot.

I ran home,
Ran and ran;
But home was where he was,
And I didn't know where that was.

I cried and cried,
And in that moment I was certain,
*My soul had died.

Love,
It's made me spoilt,
I want it,
I believe that i need it,
But i see no sign of it approaching,
And that kills me.

Maybe i don't deserve love,
Or maybe,
*Love just doesn't deserve me.

Sadly,
I didn't prepare myself for this.

Luckily,
I'm not dying on the Inside,
And I usually am.

Why am I not surprised?
This was bound to happen.

It was late,
I was unaware,
Different time zones,
But you were still there,
I said I was fine,
Told you not to worry,
You said you didn't give a **** what I wanted,
You'd still worry, sorry.

That might seem cruel but I found it sweet,
You stayed up till 6,
And made me speak.

We just met that day but we had a connection,
Talked for hours straight,
It was the weirdest,
Unexpected not to mention.

You layed it down straight,
Let me know your bad side,
Said you're a charmer,
Made the ladies flip.

It was an instant friendship,
Everything fell in place.

You're the horrible one,
Who stayed that night,
Said you weren't so horrible when it counts,
We gave each other nicknames.

I shouldn't be writing this but I am,
Because although I can't be fooled by that charm,
You're on my mind most of the time,
And that wasn't part of the plan.

We talk like old friends,
Joke like kids,
But when it comes to these things,
I give perfect advise,
Though I'm slightly naive.

Not sure what it means to like,
Not sure if you're the type,
So I'll end it in poetry,
**Let fate decide.

And even though it always happens,
It still hurts like hell,
Every time.

I just want to be loved.
It gets tiring feeling insignificant.

When did it become,
So hard to write?

How could the words,
Leave my mind?

Everything is confusing now,
What was once so easy,
Gives me anxiety now,
I feel like,
Everything is in pieces now,
It all happened so fast,
But,
Why* now?

I feel like this is not the end,
Things might get worse,
In the end,
I'll be empty,
When I get to the end,
If there is one;
Is there an end to this?

I need you more than ever now,
But you have,
More important things now,
That you have to think about,
Now.

It ***** how things are,
I knew it wouldn't last,
Not forever.

You're always on my mind,
This pain can't erase you.

I hope you're alright,
I don't mean to worry you,
But you're got me worried out of my mind.

You're not hurting me,
But you're the only person,
That can take the hurt away;
But that's not why I miss you.

I miss you 'cause,
**Your presence completes me.

I want so much,
But what can I do?
I just can't measure up,
I'm just not good enough,
I know it and I wish I didn't,
Because it just adds to the hurt,
I'm just never simply good enough,
I really wish that it didn't **** this much,
*It's got my dreams crumbling into mere dust.

With the complexity of my personality,
And the difference between me and everyone,
Here's the reality of things.

Now,
I'll leave you with something,
Somewhat like a blurb,
'Cause the story has no end,
And I'll never trust enough to tell it.

I'm a black hole,
Many are but my black,
Is darker.

I'm full,
So full that there is no space for light,
Leaving me,
Seemingly empty.

Or in other words,
There is so much going on with me,
The safest bet,
Is to hide it,
And smile,
Until I can't.

Just a pointer,
I don't say what I mean,
I don't know how to,
So I can't.

I sugar quote things,
Both good and bad,
Even to myself.

And I rarely show any true emotions,
It's misleading,
So don't believe what I tell you,
About how I feel.

Read it yourself,
If you care enough,
But well I don't think anyone does.

If you want something,
Ask.

If you want to know me,
Or you think I'm rude,
Or you have a thought about me.

Even if you don't need to,
Or want to,
Just tell me,
Don't lie to me,
I hate that,
More than rain.

I'm a simple person,
With a complicated mind,
You'll never get me,
Until you try,
Hard.

Sometimes you lose yourself,
To someone,
Empty out,
And it's all for nothing.

That person gets hold of the strings,
Becomes the oblivious ventriloquist,
Playing with you ignorantly,
And you can't escape it.

Now this person is smart,
But doesn't know it,
Plays with your heart,
Has impeccable talent,
Does all this effortlessly,
But you just can't break free.

You let this person in,
And get locked in,
Makes you seem naive,
But then again,
You must be,
You're the one that opened the door.

And I'll spam this if I must,
To save all your hearts,
It's all an illusion,
You'll be stolen from,
Your light will be taken,
Leaving one fatal thing,
*...

Told them not to,
Said it hurt me when they did it,
Begged them not to,
Gave a speech even.

Though I never thought,
The most stubborn person i know,
Would want to do it,
She's hard to restrain.

But she promised,
And now she's got staetler ink on her wrist,
Lines of red,
Crosses,
The stitches.

Never thought her pain could get this real,
I care alot,
I try,
But she always hurts.

Never thought the speaker,
Would need a speech,
Never thought this girl,*
**Would be me.

No worries,
I'm used to it.

You found someone more important.

**** though,
You almost had me.

Have to admit,
It hurts like hell,
But I'll pretend I'm fine,
As usual.

Yeah,
But I hate you,
I mean,
You're awesome,
But you see,
You kinda broke my heart,
Before I even lent it to you so...

I feel stupid,
It was only a few days,
How did I fall blindly,*
I bet you pushed me!

Well doesn't life ****?
I guess the strong girl,
Is tired of being strong.

I guess fate has made its choice,
Ugh these inner bleeding eyes.

It all came crashing down,
The realisation,
That all I thought and felt,
Was based on illusions.

Sounds great doesn't it?
No actually,
It doesn't,
And the worst part is,
I was more than surprised,
I was disappointed,
I was hurt.

You hurt me with two words,
And now I'm back to where I was,
Hormonal ramblings.

Plucking petals was a waste of nature.

Scraps of paper,
Wasted ink.
Used to to express my thoughts,
Because I find it hard to speak.

People tell me,
Keeping it to yourself doesn't help,
You're going to drive yourself to a breaking point.

It's a ******* story they all want to hear,
No one really ****** cares.

I depend on my strength,
I've built a fence,
I tell people things so they don't seek the depth.
I'm a perfect actress,
My makeup never wears,
With a smile and invisible tears.

I hurt for no reason,
I bleed from within,
My heart,
I swear it's in pieces,
Even the melodies can't mend it.

I fear I'm a disturbance,
But an essential one,
When I'm not needed,
I'm an unnoticed painting on a fading wall,
Lonely though surrounded by flies.

People say it'll be fine but I'm done with hope,
I want no company,
For with it my happiness elopes.

Though a few people form that symphony,
And my melodies can't resist them,
But they fade like the harmonies,
That once explored my mind.

Sorry to bore you,
But i ramble when I'm nervous,
And I'm nervous of what you're probably thinking of me.

I have OCD,
It makes me clingy,
It seeks perfection,
I see no trace of it within,
I know nobody's perfect,
But I at least want to be suitable,
Living maybe more than just adequately,
*For myself.

He gave me his wrist band,
So I wouldn't forget,
What we once had.

And now i cry,
More than usual,
Because I lost him,
And it reminds me,
Of what we never really had.

His scent lingers on,
On this wretched band.

But i'll *torture myself with the memories,
Forever.

Because I loved him,
I still do,
And to me,
This band,
*Is him.