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Yasha Harkness Apr 2015
I do desire that we may be better strangers.
Your ill-bred humor disgusts me.
You take too many familiarities with my person.
No I am not your lady.
Nor am i, and never will be your 'darling.'
You are the wrong shape
The wrong size
The wrong class
The wrong gender.
I prefer the company of my own kind.
Leave me be.
inspired by all the Victorian novels I've been reading lately
12.8k · Apr 2015
BLEEDING OUT
Yasha Harkness Apr 2015
Stop trying to make me fit
In your stupid little box
of Labels and Definitions
Truth buried far beyond reach
Only your lies always
Stuffed down my throat.
If other people can come out
Why cant i?
Your reasons get flimsier
My resolve only strengthens
Your toxic opinions
Make me want to leave you behind
And escape.
I will take my freedom myself.
I don't bleed for you anymore.
the 'its just a phase' argument gets old
12.5k · Apr 2015
insanity
Yasha Harkness Apr 2015
Sometimes you think
you are going insane
flinching from the sink
though it is most mundane.
You could swear that
you had seen
a strange shimmer,
a reflection, or a gleam.
4.5k · Dec 2015
Mecha
Yasha Harkness Dec 2015
Mouth full of metal
Pocket full of teeth (broke)
These are the trials for perfect smiles
Our loss their gain
The dentists make money again
Weekly monthly wires crossing replacing
Wondering if its even worth it
Like false guarantees: "won't be like on TV"
Not even close.

Mouth full of wires
Pocket full of stones
One stops you at the airport-

The other at the  bottom  of the bay...
3.6k · Jun 2015
Heartstrings
Yasha Harkness Jun 2015
Her nails skittered across his violin-heart
Plucking the strings to sound a lonely melody
And when he reached out to do the same
They made a beautiful symphony.
Heartsong
For the music in our hearts will find its match in another.
2.7k · May 2016
Voice Kink
Yasha Harkness May 2016
The voice calling me from the dark
Is quiet
Sensuous
Its melody thrums through my bones and tongue
And curls, purring in my heart
Like wine it flushes my cheek with uninhibited warmth
It calls me to action
Reckless self endangering action
Not all voices from the dark are kind.
This one glows like a black sun.
Biting back the fear of warmth and contact
In my touch starved living canvas
The voice has teeth
Teeth that set in my spine and inject courage into my marrow
That scrape ever so slightly down my neck
In wanton display
Of seductive darkness.
Its call is haunting
Sleepworn it sends me running
Through a silver forest of dusky light
Upon an unbroken path
Marked only by whispers that linger in Its wake.
I know not what I’m following
I know its power and magnitude brings summer to my throat and winter to my veins
Spring blooming warm upon my cheeks along the shivering pines
That voice of silk sheets and twisted limbs
A weight in the chest like a secondary heart’s phantom thumping
Throbbing its call of life back to that voice in the dark
Inviting it in for a taste.
2.6k · Apr 2015
Junk
Yasha Harkness Apr 2015
The box is shut
She begs you for a reaction,
to want her to stay,
to promise you'll make an effort.
But the Box is shut.

He asks you to stay,
to accept his love,
and bear his child.
But the Box stays shut.

They break your heart,
when they leave,
because they don't need you.
You open the Box this time.
This heart joins
the broken parts of you
you kept inside.

**Once Again.
The Box is shut.
2.6k · Jun 2015
Greenhouse Child
Yasha Harkness Jun 2015
My heart is a garden.
In it grow three trees, a few saplings, and

many  many  roses.

which one were you when you said yes
my love
a discovery of pansexuality
Yasha Harkness Dec 2015
At age six you bought me a pretty lady doll
I remember your anger
The day I married her to another lady doll.

At age sixteen you bought me a beautiful dress
I remember your anger
When I asked for a suit instead.

At age twenty six you b(r)ought me a husband
I remember the day so clearly even now
**It was the day I eloped with my girlfriend.
how little you know me
2.2k · Apr 2015
Jukebox
Yasha Harkness Apr 2015
Something in us shivers
Slides up our throat
Slick
Tasting like metal, crushed rain-bugs we can almost smell
Cascading along our nerves
They are so dreadfully taut
They feel like a stranger's body
In the dark pub, in the corner
with few couples dancing to a jukebox.
thinking of strangers and strange things
1.7k · Jun 2015
Scar Paint
Yasha Harkness Jun 2015
The first time you left me
I drew you on my skin
With henna and paint
A darklined tribute to you
On the nut-brown tapestry of my skin
And it was a good ending.

But you came back a few years later
And i fell for you again
So much deeper than before, i knew i would not walk away from this
Whole

So when you left me once more
I drew you on my skin again
With knife and blade instead
The red lines looked beautiful
Against the death-grey of my skin.
1.6k · Dec 2015
Control
Yasha Harkness Dec 2015
Quite suddenly
They become aware
Of the fragility
Of the jugular vein
No bone no cartilage
Not much flesh either
To protect and shield it
How we humans just
w a n d e r about
With no armour
Simply not realising how easy it'd be
For someone to just
S  L  I  C  E
And down we would go
Spraying blood over all in vicinity
Life blood is warm and dark red.
In other words-
Beautiful in the morning light
Where it shines like prismatic rubies
Warm, and not at all  demonic.
Don't you think so, my love?
The colour suits you...
******* right you should be scared of me
1.5k · Sep 2015
Dying dreams.
Yasha Harkness Sep 2015
I hear them
The tolling, wailing bells
So we've come to the end
The last page of an epic
The silent fadeout of the silver screen
The dimming embers of a massive bonfire.
We've unmoored our boats from the flotilla we once knew as 'home' and 'family'.
         
                   The end of  us

We stand in the ruins
Of a great building
It once held the relation
Of a father and daughter
Of a husband and wife
You set it on fire
But we will not put out your flames
With our tears and blood
Anymore.

Let the fire take away your poison
And let the rain scour away every last toxic residue
Of the bond we once held.
This is my requiem. Perhaps one day this too shall seem like a dream.
I'm just so tired of loving you.
1.4k · Dec 2015
Paper Boats in the Rain
Yasha Harkness Dec 2015
We and (I)
She and They
Him and Us
We afloat
Paper boats
In October storms
Who condemned us to die?
There's a hole in the boat, Lover
Perhaps we were simply
Never meant to survive
Your velveteen thorns
Scraped their hickeys
Over my paper skin
-Sinking our boat-
While the storm of your tears
Raged on from the shore.
queer like rain
1.3k · Nov 2015
Zetsubou no Ou
Yasha Harkness Nov 2015
Is this what we are
Kings of Despair, each one
Cowering in the dark like a beaten puppy
Feeding on the ragged scraps of each others' hate
Hearts heavier than gravity's weight can make
Us lonely planets, in empty galaxies,
Revolving around our own atrocities
Damage equal care unequal
This peculiar punishment given to us humans of the planet earth.
Watching ourselves self-destruct,
And asking the vast universes for sympathy
Why, it will not bleed away our apathy
Perhaps its instinctual
Species memory: the blood of the Other sprayed over our own flesh
Rejoicing in the promise of an untainted heaven
Regardless of our own sins.
#prayforhumanity In wake of the recent terror attacks all over the world. (Not just in Paris)
1.3k · Dec 2015
Love in Space
Yasha Harkness Dec 2015
Talk to me about space
About the incredible cosmos
About the way we were all
Made of stardust, talk to me
About the way your hair bleeds colour
When you bathe, about your nightmares
After an evening with your parents, talk to me
About the girls you've kissed and the girls you've wanted to kiss,
Tell me about all the things that bind your soul
To this dusty rock we call home,
For that is where your truth lies.
Tell me what you feel about couples having PDA
On the subway, if you feel jealous or indifferent, talk to me
About the liminal spaces, the coffee shops, cross roads, train stations
Where we have a 1 in a billion chance of meeting our soulmates,
Tell me about the pain you felt when your brother died,
The nights you couldn't sleep because of all the tears
That would never fall, because your heart had gone numb.
Talk to me about you. No, not you, You.
The girl with the cosmos in her body. The you I fell in love with, after all we were made of adjacent stardust.
Talk to me.
communication communication communication :)
1.2k · Apr 2015
Winter
Yasha Harkness Apr 2015
When the sun vanishes behind a cloud
Shade sweeps in like a tide at flood
Devouring the warmth of the students
Who thought to rest in the warm golden rays
Of a winter afternoon sun.
written on the college lawns on a winter afternoon
1.2k · Apr 2015
Sense
Yasha Harkness Apr 2015
doth thy timorous voice
tremble so, faced with choice
one so simple as to be common sense
between freedom and thy abusive ex?
written in drama class
1.1k · Apr 2015
Happy Birthday
Yasha Harkness Apr 2015
Footsteps outside.
The creak of an opening door.
A piercing scream.
Flashes of gleaming steel.
A sickening crunch.
Blood. Blood. Blood.
E v e r y w h e r e.
On the walls.
On the floor.
On the dead body.
On the assassin.
A cold laugh.
Footsteps.
The door opens, and closes.
Creaky floorboards sound.
The front door slams.
The assassin is gone.
The house is quiet.
Hours pass.
The body cools.
The door rattles.
A teenager enters.
Bag flung aside.
A hesitating call.
A search begins.
Blood seeps out the door.
She follows the trail.
A blood-curdling scream.
Written on the wall -
The words - Happy Birthday.

**In blood.
first poem ever :D
1.1k · Jun 2015
A study of angst.
Yasha Harkness Jun 2015
We wear our identifiers everyday; standing out of the crowd is our goal, but why; that's the thing about invisibility; if you can't see yourself in the mirror no one else can either; this is why depression is dangerous; it shrinks people; we wither away in plain sight, and yet we are unseen; why do we like death so much; we are the generation of black humor and morbid jokes; you dismiss it as teenage angst and then wonder at the suicide stats; when will you see what you have made us into; what we have become;
**because of you.
993 · Jun 2015
Crystalline Memento
Yasha Harkness Jun 2015
when I die
I'd like my ashes to be made into a diamond.
that way when the jeweler shapes it and sets it in a pretty ring for my beloved's grandchildren/descendants
that will be a better rendition of me,
a properly shaped, smoothed and polished human-that-was.
I like to think all the bad qualities I know I possess would be pared down to a socially acceptable version of me that you would, finally, be proud of.
923 · Sep 2015
Morte Diem
Yasha Harkness Sep 2015
My day died an abrupt death. Ignominious.

At the hands (and lips) of my own mother.

Yet another broken thread, burning bridge,

lost key to a door shut in your face without a parting kiss.

Ce la ma vie.
Everyday squabbles
896 · Dec 2015
Hurry up, we're dreaming
Yasha Harkness Dec 2015
Come along sweetheart
Walk faster
Do you want to go with me?
Don't look down
The dream is the lie
The wolves are shadows
And clouds are flames
Don't trust your eyes
Keep your hand in mine
And just follow me
I'm here
They can't touch you
I can see you looking down sweetheart
Don't
If you fall I'll pick you up
I'm here
They're trying to stop you
Are you going to let them?

Hurry up sweetheart
The dream is ending...
title from a song
818 · Apr 2015
Bionic
Yasha Harkness Apr 2015
Tipping sideways
Deja vu strikes
You've been here before
Never this much pain
Metal and flesh
Birthed apart
Grown together
Merge line carries pain
The lightning bolt strikes
You've been here before
Familiar pain
Rippling out from the spine
The one they broke
To remove our broken heart.
i dream of a world where i wasn't fully human
814 · Apr 2015
Shinitagari?
Yasha Harkness Apr 2015
Too long I've spent
Pushing you up the long stairway to recovery
After every one of your multiple health crises

This is not my rightful adolescence

I would rather stab you between the ribs myself
With the bread knife you threatened suicide with today.
Too long I've watched my mother wither away
Watching you succumb to your latent death-wish
Of alcohol and nicotine.

This will not be my inheritance.

Because of you, 'useless' is not just a word for me
It is something to hate
To flinch from in daily usage
Because of the poison you've seeped into it.
I've given you the best years of life
That you could possibly ever have
And now it seems like you don't want any more

with us anyway.

Well i say **** that.
Second chances aren't eternal.
You're not my father anymore.
I DISOWN YOU

*Want to die?
Then go.
Do it somewhere i don't have to see.
I loved you but you broke me.
787 · Dec 2015
Today Has Been Canceled.
Yasha Harkness Dec 2015
Go back to bed.
Why would you want
To leave the warm embrace
Of silken sheets and silkier thighs?
Kiss-swollen lips and a rats nest of perfect hair,
Those shining silver eyes blinking gummily that beckon you with love glimmering in their depths?
Cancel your plans and make no more.
Bring her breakfast in bed!
And joining her, let the day slip away in contented caresses and laughing kisses
For though this month may be awash with work and stress and troubles
In the bed with her there is nothing but peace, love and harmony...

And just a dash of morning ***. ;)
an ongoing dream
733 · May 2015
Swimming to Heaven
Yasha Harkness May 2015
Falling upwards
Like raindrops returning to the sky
Flowers turning to buds
Disappearing beneath the soil
Whole other life above your head
Falling into space
Time is unraveling around me.

Is there another me in the mirror?
Or am I the reflection?
What is the meaning of my existence?
Do I speak or am I an echo of things past?
Do I create? or am I simply a blurry retracing
of some long lost masterpiece?

It is time
    *It is not yet time.


I am lost in this stardesert

I am not original.
But I am **individual.
when your reflection moves slower than you do
when time bends around you
when you can't see the sky because of the stars
Yasha Harkness May 2015
There are some days
When the wondering is so strong
That leaving the house
Would be a very stupid thing to do.
For those who only think, about that centimeter between themselves and the edge.
676 · Dec 2015
Heart Sailing
Yasha Harkness Dec 2015
There is a river flowing outside my window
I'll make my heart into an origami boat
Add a little flag with your name on it and float it away,
Hopefully one day it will reach you, love.
for the one that got away
674 · May 2015
Venom
Yasha Harkness May 2015
It moves around
The pain you feel
Birthed from the poison of his words
Corrupting your happiness
Feeding on your emotions
Setting your heartstrings aflame
Settling in your legs like liquid fire
I do what i must
I drain his poison
I rub press pull
Punch hammer grind
On the infected muscles
Drawing out the corruption
Like draining a snake bite.

**If only I had the antivenin for this particular kind.
For my mother.
658 · Apr 2015
Irreparable
Yasha Harkness Apr 2015
Freeze* the pain
Let it sear its icy brand
into a corner of your mind
Throw it into the box
that holds all your broken parts
The ones no one wants to fix
Stains on your soul
You open the box just to reminisce.
To confirm the diagnosis
That you are broken in many ways
Irreparable without external help
But
How can they fix anything
*The box is shut.
i like boxes as a way of emotional control
656 · Feb 2016
Ryuu no uta
Yasha Harkness Feb 2016
Dance with me
Awaken dragon
This fire burns equally
Between you and me
Pulse pounding core throbbing
I dance for you alone
You take me apart
With your fiery words
Inferno heart
To my candle soul
Take your pleasure
And give me mine own
This love richer
Than a dragon's hoard
Shining bright in the sky
Like twin suns
Among the stars
Of an alien planet
Swords gleaming
In your light
I dance
Hell hath no fyre
Like a dragon in love.
title means 'song of the dragon'
642 · Dec 2015
Love is (a) Space
Yasha Harkness Dec 2015
Your love is a black hole
If I get too close I will be consumed
My love is but a star in comparison
Your love's infinite gravity would swallow mine whole
The depth of your love is a reaction to past hurts
Invisible and terrifying in its intensity
This anomaly of gravity so seductive nothing can resist
With no warning received time stops
My heart is falling into the singularity caused by your proximity
You monster that I love

**I will never be able to escape you...
547 · Apr 2015
Rising
Yasha Harkness Apr 2015
This is not a poem.
I am not a lullaby
Nor a childhood monster
I am untaught
Unseen

Uncaught

You can never bring me down.
Though you try
I overcome it all
The hate
The violence
Mindsets of a bygone era

If I should fall
Another will take my place
We
Are
Endless.


We exist in the hidden places
You do not see us.
Yet we are rising
And we will be beyond restraint
by the time you finally deign to see us
As anything but your inferiors
Abnormal
QUEER.
This is not a poem.
This is a war cry.
541 · May 2016
Baby When
Yasha Harkness May 2016
Baby when I first saw you
I was giving blood
Your smile wasn’t even directed at me
You made more than just my blood flow.

Baby when you spoke to me
Teeth biting that luscious bottom lip
Something grew in me like certain magical beanstalks
And of course I had to climb that.

Baby when you touched my hand
You steadied me physically
Unsteadied me mentally
Because you were softer than a Johnsons baby.

Baby when you gave me your number
The foundations of my soul shook
I aint saying you were heavy
But you were a weight I’d gladly become Atlas for.

Baby when we kissed for the first time
I was dreaming
It never happened.
And aint that a ******* tragedy.
to the one that walked away
Yasha Harkness Apr 2017
Hey Daddy
Papa
Pooh
Were you so
lonely
in the afterlife
that you had to take
our dog away
with you too?
Ever since
you dies
last year
she'd been sad
and unwell
but we didn't like
to think about
the possibility that
she could be dying
just like
we didn't want
to think about it
when it was you
getting sicker
by the day
Say, Pops
please take Berry
to a garden
where she can
run and play
like she used to
when you
were alive.
My dog died just over a year after my father. I'd like to think they're adventuring together now.
464 · Apr 2015
Emotional Horcruxes
Yasha Harkness Apr 2015
Two shattered parts of me long for you
One breaks down again and again
servos whirring yet unable to function
Another rages at the audacity
of your accusations, your insecurity
making ridicule of my devotion
Yet another furious at myself
for giving in to the lure of love
for forgetting the inherent risks
for foolishly clinging beyond the point
to which you could stand
The sixth part attempts to reconstruct
clearing debris from broken past-loves
trying, hesitantly, to repair the damage
you created in the surface of my soul

**The seventh part is dead.
It died when you left.
It was buried in the grave i dug
In which you forever sleep.
457 · Dec 2015
visible imperceptible
Yasha Harkness Dec 2015
Stop
                   Stop
                                    Stop

My yawn drowns out your voice
It is just meaningless noise.
You are not speaking to me.
I just happened to be here.

On this planet.
444 · Dec 2015
Don't Give Up
Yasha Harkness Dec 2015
When you feel like you're screaming but your throat has stalled like a decrepit engine
Even as the fear rises akin to bile in your lungs and your senses are drowning in confusion
You keep screaming because your heart wants to still its own pulse
You know that feeling where you wake up heart racing breath huffing cold sweat on your brow
They say its because your heart rate dropped so low your brain defibrillated your heart to keep you alive
Its worse when you've just been dreaming
It takes your dreams whatever kin they be and Ends them
Ends you.
You wake up
    You wake up
        You were falling
            You were about to die.
And then you look at the calendar and go 'I have to do things today.'
And you wish your heart was still falling.
Singing a song you never heard before but which you loved because it was so Alien to the idea of you
You think, don't give up, don't give up, and you make it a mantra.
Your heart beats to that rhythm like your brain sending you memos of its continued survival.

You are still screaming on the inside. You put some music on to drown yourself out. And you are at 'peace'.
not my time of dying
435 · Dec 2015
Time is a Lover
Yasha Harkness Dec 2015
I don't know where I go when I'm not with you
Perhaps I don't really exist
I do not remember the times in between our togethers
Do I slip through time to meet you
Or does your very presence call me out of time to your side
Time affects humans in linear
I've never seen time as anything but a vapour
It curls around me and I walk above it
For I am like a ghost walking on the waters of time
A miracle or an apocalyptic event
Catalyst to disasters you prevent with a smile meant for me
In a life where smiles are premonitions of betrayal
You are Time for me.
who are you/who am i
433 · Apr 2015
Running
Yasha Harkness Apr 2015
You were smiling
desperate attempt
to beguile the teacher
into letting you attend
Unfortunately
she raised her hand
(to close the door perhaps)
and you flinched away
violently.

Then

You leave them
to their misconceptions
and remember
how that hand
had looked reptilian
in the corner of your eye.
always running from you

strike faster than a cobra
394 · Apr 2015
Familiar Strangers
Yasha Harkness Apr 2015
Once i knew you
I knew everything about you
Your favorite colors, smells,
places you'd hide
points of comforts
And yet here we are
Two strangers, alone in a crowded room
Afraid of even looking at each other
I had hoped this would never have come to pass
That the once well-known grooves
and bumps of your spine
the vast constellation of freckles
scattered across the heaven of your skin
could be alien, unfamiliar,
Shadowed in darkness i am not allowed to banish.

I regret the moment
That i gave in to your smile
If only I'd known that day
That soon, so soon, you'd give that smile
to someone else.
377 · Dec 2015
The rhyming lament
Yasha Harkness Dec 2015
Why* am I so bold
While others are not so gold
Should I be the one to fold
Or should I do what I've been told
My time is up n I'm cold
It seems our luck has rolled
If my love were as a thing to be sold
Then I would not live to be very old
Oh I am cold, "no", my love has told
Would that I'd not been so bold.
IF ONLY YOU'D FIGURED YOURSELF OUT IN MY FAVOUR
italics in conversation: a hidden story
Yasha Harkness Apr 2015
How are you?
99% of people /all over the world have /responded to that question /with a lie.
/Its not something this generation began, /no its been here as long as the question, /and isn't that the saddest thing you've heard today?/
I'm not okay.

— The End —