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sofolo Sep 4
Death called your name, you said
Not from the periphery
But right here
Right now
And it requires bloodshed

Eyes glazing over
The tracks before you
Dreaming of being
Splayed
For the length of a mile

I laugh nervously
When you tell me
Because it was me
Your son
Who handed you the phone
“For death, press 1”

You’re at the crossing now
From the pedal
Your foot lifts
The train’s horn
Bellowing
As into its path
You drift

The brakeman screams
As your body disjoints
Your shame for me reduced
To scarlet exclamation points

A nearby sparrow
Witnesses the scene
“Sad”, she thinks
Hatchlings cozy
Underneath her wing

It’s a bit cruel
To pile your ****
On my shoulders
As if I were a mule

And it’s a bit wicked
To claim my
Unchangeable
Existence
As sin committed  

The enigma of stigma
Is yours to explore
I slide you a key
I’ll be right here
On the other side of the door

A mouse creeps
Across the threshold
Seeing both sides
“Too bad”, he thinks
As he scurries by

You named me Christopher
After a boy killed
By a train
And now you say I’m to blame
Like an unfortunate stain
On the hem
Of our family’s pain

The truth is
I couldn’t keep living a lie
And I’m sorry, dad
I’m the reason you want to die
ADS Aug 16
Growing up I was always told I was a great listener
Oh how I have strayed from that time of late
Sorry for I never felt heard until now
Lately, I haven't been a great listener when communicating with friends lately. I am just so excited to share more about myself since I have never felt heard nor felt like others cared.
When my mom first thought that I was gay,
She and my father sat me down at the kitchen table.

I was fifteen and thought I was in love,
And all they could do was scream at me...

‘You’re a sin; what you feel isn’t natural.’
‘Where did we go wrong?’

And all I had wanted was to love in peace.
But apparently, that was too much to ask from them.

So I stifled myself.

I cut myself off from her and let us wither
Until there was nothing left of us because
I wasn't normal
And I was fifteen
And all I wanted was my mother’s approval
And how could I gain that if I wasn’t normal?

And then I was sixteen and I thought I was in love again
But this time with a seventeen-year-old boy
That knew nothing of love
And everything of sharp edges and even sharper words
But he spoke so pretty to me,
And how could I resist?

But he hurt me worse than anyone else that I’ve known
And he never even cared…

And then I was seventeen.

I was seventeen and my best friend had this mane
Of beautiful hair and I called her lovely and wife
And all the other silly little pet names that high school girls do
But little did she know that her smile
Lit fireworks inside my brain and the swarms of
Butterflies that beat in my chest rivalled that of a drum.

I thought she was beautiful.
I saw the universe in her.

But how could I admit that to myself without admitting it to
My mother, the one person whose validation I crave like
Air and water and life itself?

How could I admit to her that I wasn’t
Her little girl anymore?
That I was a disappointment?

And then I was eighteen.

I was eighteen and numb and not looking for anything when he found me...
I was eighteen and I thought that surely,
Surely
This was it, this was the feeling that I was waiting for.

But it wasn’t and I was eighteen and alone again
But this hurt worse than the others and then I was gone after that summer.

Now, I’m almost nineteen.

I’m almost nineteen and I’ve accepted the fact that
I will disappoint my mother;
The one whose opinion that I value the most;
The one that gave birth to me;
The only one that can tear me down until I feel like nothing.

But she’s my mother so how could I let her go
When she was there for my first word and my first steps
And every one of my other firsts.

My first date.

My first dance.

My first breakup.

She was there when I left for college, and she’ll be there when (if)
I get married.

Because regardless of my choices,
She loves me, and she always will.

And even if I can’t bring my partner home,
I will love her all the same.

So mom, if you see this,
I’m sorry.

I’m sorry that I didn’t turn out how you wanted.
I’m sorry that I disappointed you.

But I’m not sorry for being who I am.

I’m not sorry for thinking women are beautiful
And men are handsome
Because all the world needs is a little bit more love,
And who am I to deprive it of that?
An apology to my mother, who may or may not see this...
I stand looking out through a window
At a world I never thought would be mine
My heart has been low
And my soul was not fine

The world is where I truly belong
It is a world that has always be a part of me
But I was never quite so strong
As to climb through the window to where I should be

You saw me looking though the glass
And wondering about the world that was there
You came to me and helped me pass
To your world and for a life to share

Now I am in the world where I should be
With a love that makes me feel life is worth living
I am in this world now it is you and me
I am humbled by the love that you are giving

Know that the love is returned to you
By a heart that now is free
Of the fear that grew
Keeping this love from me.

My spirit rejoices and my body does dance
You are the light in my life and joy in my heart
This most beautiful romance
Of which the universe allows us take part
Lyss Brianne Mar 2021
To the man on the street that called my ex girlfriend and I ******, I forgive you. We were nineteen and in love, I’m sorry that you were raised in a way that made you look at two girls holding hands and laughing as something that wasn’t to be shown in public. I’m sorry that my happiness made you feel insecure in that moment. My happiness was not on display to offend you. My love life was never an act of rebellion against you. I will forgive you for how you were raised but I will not apologize for showing love in a way you don’t deem appropriate for wandering eyes.

To the people I went to high school with, I’m sorry I never heard the rumours you spread about me until you were already out of my life. I’m sure you meant to break my heart when you called me **** in the hallways but your words never made their way back to me. Your aggression towards who I chose to love never stopped me from falling in love with girls I never imagined could be real. I refuse to hide away my love. I will not let your words shame me back into the closet I was scared to admit I was stuck in.

To the people who used to send me anonymous messages telling me to **** myself I hope you’re in a better place now. I often think about how my big secret made you so upset that you couldn’t stand to live in the same world as me. I’m not sorry that I’m still here now. I still feel sorry that you were so sad with yourself that you needed to make me feel as hopeless as you were.

To the people who voted no towards same *** marriage but watch ******* girl ****, I’m sorry my love is only okay when it’s for your pleasure. I’m sorry that you have such a skewed view on life that you see women as objects and not as people. I would forgive you but I don’t think you’d fess to your wrongdoing to be forgiven. There is nothing to forgive if someone won’t admit that they are wrong.

I’m twenty three now and I’m still not sorry for writing love poems about beautiful girls. I have stopped apologizing for being something that I’m proud of. I no longer hide behind my assumed heterosexuality. I proudly proclaim my attraction to women because I spent too many years being ashamed of being in love. I will never again sweep hatred under the rug to keep peace. I have never needed your approval for my love to be valid and I never will.
emily Dec 2020
Everyone’s got a skeleton in their closet
but I’m still alive in here.
Everybody seems to live a life that’s honest
but mines been a lie I fear.

Well maybe I just want to be "different"
But I know that it’s not the case.
'Cause I have always been keeping to the background
Hiding my true face.

It's never going to be easier,
They'll just see me as a movie monster.
Though I'm only a fraction of the whole
It's still too hard for me to let you know that...

I'm not yet who I'm meant to be but I'll get there someday.
At the very least, I hope I do.
And that I'll still do right by you.

I am not broken, I am not confused.
No, I've always known who I am.
But nobody wants to hear that news
So I'll stay with the skeletons for now...
lyrics from a song
yann Dec 2020
i used to only love women and it felt like being so alone,
like not bringing your date to family gatherings by fear of
seeing the disapproval
in their eyes, in their mouths, in their words,
felt like being both the predator and the prey,
looking at hands and wanting to hold them and fearing that
the world would swallow me whole
if i did.

and now i love you, probably,
and what am i, if not lost,
unable to be contained in F or Ms,
unfit for any of your definitions,
ready to change my body just so i can stand to walk past mirrors and live my truth.
and loving a man feels much the same after all,
dangerous and real, like craving different hands
but knowing the world still has its mouth grand open,
just for me.
going from identifying as a lesbian to realizing im tranasc and probably a little in love with all my closest friends no matter their gender.. and realizing how terrifying it all is !
July Gray Nov 2020
Tell me, what's it like to be in love
I'm worried I've fallen in love
If a girl is the one I love
How much longer will I be loved?

You're planning for the future
We'll still be BFF's in your future
I've never trusted the future
And I don't trust you

Two words and what
Get disowned and kicked out
Maybe just hated and ignored
My future is uncertain

Trust isn't something that comes easily
I trust strangers over my friends
Friends that could be enemies
Why do they still assume I'm straight

A hundred sexualities and yet
Only one is always expected
Not even a majority anymore
Assumptions are dangerous

I only know one other queer. A gay
"It's inappropriate to say those things"
I'm in love. Who cares
What is appropriate

I'm tired of tiptoeing around
Hoping someone can hear the sound
Of my uncertain feet
Walking around pits of anger

Potential disaster
You tell me "go faster"
I'm tired.
But not physically
the title really says it all.
Sh Sep 2020
Denial,
such a human emotion.

So quick am I to turn my back,
to close my eyes against the truth

So adamant that it must be wrong

it must

For if I am right I would have to face the consequences of something that is out of my control.


If denial is my first instinct, to claw my way out of the quicksand

then why,

when I came out,

did I never except denial from you?
Harley Oliver Dec 2014
my skin & my flesh
all through my veins.
they tell me, let it out
so i do, but i can't
and i hide it
so no one sees
everybody knows
but nobody really knows
so i cover it up.
no swimming
never swimming
always drowning,
drowning in these
thoughts
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