I only loved you
when it was
Convenient
I'm really sorry
that I  didn't think
of you
( When it really mattered.)
What's the matter with my
soul? It isn't correct
but nothing feels wrong.

I feel something , I don't know
if it's "sorry".

Looking into the void.
I think I seen you.

Reached out.
We met again.

For the first time.

It was love


Possibly maybe.

holding on to right now.


Frozen. your face perfection.

Eyes closed.

Waiting so anxiously for you
to open them.

You don't.
   My heart arrested by your beauty.
   Shatters when you chose not
   to look at me.



I don't feel any signs of growing.

Stuffed,
Grains of sugar fall to the ground.
Mutilated flesh covered in corn syrup
Wait till it dries, scrumptious.
Blood, red as cherry liquourice
Seeps from open wounds.
Body perforated at the
Arms
Legs
Head
Ready for dis-assemblage.
Save for later

Slow minds,
And
Hungry times.
Fire ignites a
Luscious green
kind of
magic.
Euphoria inhaled,
And
Stoners prevails
For we have
The upper hand
Held to our mouths
With the other
Not too far.
Lighter in hand
You are the
Magic man

There is a
Threat
Outside of bed.
Beyond amber red
Sunsets
People of the night
Come out.
Awaken by the smell
Of repugnant restrooms
And *****.
Last memory of
The inside of
A toilet.
Brought alive by
the frightening
sunrise.
Blinding all
who hid.

DO I, DO I, DO I
Have to listen to what
everyone says, at-least to
capture an idea. I've heard
of tedious reviewing, but
can it be raw. Can it dare
to be something other than
structured. Concise is one thing,
but is stress another. If I were
to free-flow like the rest
of the world, would it be bad?
You may say it's trash. But are children's books
the same to a certain degree. May it be long,
may it be short, may it be?
Why must there be an end, when your mind certainly
doesn't, or would you rather talk
of death.

Let's trade eyes.
You'll have mine
 And I'll
Have yours.
We will both
See each other 
Again.

**** that
**** dam
because I hold
in too much.
When their is
a leak
I break into
a rut
Mind to fast,
words
spoken to slowly.
Chances missed because
I hold in
too much.
I will break
and it will be big.

Smiling,
blood in
teeth.
Eyes large and
crazed.
pupils dilated
like large black
holes
swallowing
images of
others acting the
same-
wild, intoxicated, and
sublime.

Before I raise
My hand,
Tell me
How rude it
Is,
For me to 
Put this same
Hand on
Another person.
In what way 
Is it 
assault, or
How would it 
Be to 
Steal something 
From the same 
Individuals 
Own hands.
Tell me this 
Before I 
Ask, or 
Do

Sympathy threw the
Eyes
Vulgarity out the
Mouth
No despair for poor Girls, and
poor Boys
Ribs, skulls, and bones
Is all that's visible
Crying over
Pictures
Seemingly unreal.
Their faces expressing
Shades of envy.
Is there modesty
Beneath gaudy clothes?

Black eyes, bruised wrists, mangled genitals.
Ribcage extruding; calling for love, lust, and cigarettes
Faces offensive; unmet eyes, and searing expressions.
Scars on arms; speaking louder than quiet voices
Staring blank; at bills yet paid
Thinking there is no way
Imaging the fall from your 3rd floor
Apartment
Weighing funeral costs over living expenses
Death would put you deeper in a hole
Not able to get out, saying how
Did I get here.
Looking up seeing the opening nearly
Closed; finger lye at the only opening left.
Hope.
Being crushed brutally, whilst you see it all
happen.
Blood rains on your pale face, craving
Sunlight.
Dismemberment of fingers, brings you into total darkness.

Joy is a
drug,
and I
can't buy it.
More glamorous than
any amount
of *******
but more available
than a breath
of fresh air.
Smiles are
easier to break
than an
Anorexics bones.
Snap,
frowning faces
begin to walk
their steady pace
of
birth to coffin.

Clean it up.
trash, littered
glass glitters
smash delivered
mouths quiver
blood slithers
roads killer
people stiffer
lives teetered
eyes tear
cars peered
windows cleared
bodies feared
clean it up.

Midnight back roads
Dark - insidious
Hungry for the intoxicated.
A monster comes out to
Prey on inebriated
Fellows.
Skiddings of tires,
Broken glass,
And red stains mark
Where the beast
Hunts
Road ****
A snack
and drivers
The main dish
The cycle is
Weekdays - innocents
Weekends - idiots

moist deep exploration
finding what
makes you smile, or understand.
near my ears the
same tongue
talks ******,
feeling around
my mind touching
my imaginations
sweet spots

My *** is rare
like a prissy feline riding
a horse with an attitude
that is diamond.
But, oh, when you have it
horizons become golden
Yellow stones Ol' Glory shoots.
The "O" on my mouth is
missing an X.
XO, XO
roughly my own gender prohibits
further exploration.
Sexuality flows like water
crashing and smashing
smooth and rough
refreshing.
Lemonade, **** and nasty
just how I like it.
Puckering, *******, licking
*******...

There's no signal
in this room
There's no signal
when i'm with you

Now please refresh
I exist to exist, as
much as you .

Now please refrain
from saying "I love you"
Let's abstain from the
thought of loving you

Pain is such a genuine feeling.
what I'm feeling right now, isn't exactly pain but merely the absence of. I understand that my flesh has nerves all over and that is part of whats keeping me going . Life seems a lot foggier and I am walking into the dark. Feeling what I can understand, searching for the braille letters and hoping I find a coherent sentence

Mocking me, I
Stare with complete
Rage.
Quiet still.
Faces diamond like
Frozen and sentient
Biting fingertips
And kissing ***
Cigarettes are your
Sighs
Teeth exposed for
Attitude.
Eyes frail, eyelashes
Extended to heaven.
Ecstasy is natural.
Reflection becomes the
Days puddles form on
Rainy days

Ring your arms
Around my neck
And call me
“dead”
Because that
Is what I am.
Pain is love, like a
Room full of broken
Mirrors
Single mirror stands
Reflecting what is
True.

elders carry stories
of themselves foaming
at the mouth
like rabid dogs

like the language they spoke
was *****.

Nuns with sharp rulers,
sharply ruled the catholic schools

No choice, but to
submit and Americanize
with cheeseburgers and denim

lonely tears for home
   missing the
  gentle breeze of pine and juniper trees

while forgotten brothers and sisters hang with
touchy pastors whose love for Christ
told them to be quiet.

The girl with the leather jacket
And the leather high-high heels
Wearing a black tube top
And skimpy shorts.
Hair; blonde, shiny wild locks
Face painted gorgeous,
Luscious red lips
Scream.
Skin sun-kissed.
Holding her flask
In the right hand
Filled to the brim
With Jack Daniel’s whiskey.
Pockets filled with cigarettes
And marijuana joints.
She takes a cigarette out,
holds it to her lips.
Leaning on a black corvette
Ignites her death.
Inhale, exhale
Bad.

Out-worldly, and an
Introverted extrovert.
male with female taste.
No more than a nail
Inching closer to
My heart, is what
It is.
Once we talk
Pain strikes my
Psyche
Voice on my
Shoulder says I
Should hurt myself.
The other talks of
Hopefuls outcomes, and
Bright futures.

Grinding metal lays
out the ambiance.
Shattered glass sings
songs similar to
wind chimes.
The ground of said tragedy
is a canvas for
a devastating
art.
Lush red blood spills
for artistic
expression.
Cuts and bruises
make for great
make-up.
Focal point is
the reality.

Your eyes are
Black,
Large, and 
Bruised.
Nose bleeding,
Open the floodgates.
Red flesh toned salmon
Pour out.
Struggling for air,
They coagulate.
Drying like the
Rivers, and
Lakes.
The beds are
Cracking into another
World, our water
Is their water.
It comes back with
Rain, tears fall
From the sky
Mother, why
Do you cry?

My ribs call for justice
Strumming them like
Harps
Stomach,
Roars for a revolution.
Mind enthused by the
Fleeting high of 
Hunger, and loss.
Image damaged by
Thoughts of perfection
Stranded among lost islands
Of paradise

I want
You 
To put 
Your leering
Fingers
Deep in.
Make me feel
The pain,
I once felt,
You leaving
Me, shocking
My spine into 
***** ness.
Throw my breath
Onto your 
Ceiling, and
Suffocate my
Eyes
With every ******.
/
I will
Twist
My torso,
Coil like a 
Snake.
Pounce into 
Danger,
Attacking
What holds
 Ill intentions.
Venom oozing 
Out through 
My loving fangs,
Going for your
Throat.
Laying flat, you
Feel excitement
Course all throughout 
Your being.
Curling at the toes.

I am not an all knowing
being, but a being with that of a mind
so open as the universe around us.
I claim I think like no other,
I may be wrong.
I find that everything is beautiful with a reason,
I may say I don't care but "that",
may be a lie.
I can say I dislike "Bad" comments,
but that is "they".
I may be selfish , but that is "me"
I may seem dramatic, but that is me as "myself"
I am an observational individual.
I may be selective of what I question, But
that is "I".
I may not be a Lover, but that doesn't mean
I would not like to be "happy".
I may not be a Fighter, but that doesn't mean
I will not "pursue happiness"

It has been
awhile.
My tongue went
missing,
a tape recorder
of things people
already said shoved
into its place.
The blood in my being
is heated with the love of my significant,
without him my heart is
cold.

Long furry black legs
extending out from a
furry xoskeleton.
No love for the Spider
to be stepped on.
Estranged by many,
loved by few.
Majority wins, till
all open eyes to
beauty

There is a truth
I know,
and I feel the truth is something
no one wants to know.
Like most realities
others would most likely
want to be blissfully ignorant,
I can't say I wouldn't
Disagree. But it is worth something
unlike nothing,
nothing has no matter
something is a matter.
However dense, however hollow
There is worth in anything,
maybe in nothing
seeds of thought sprout.
Consciousness grows with each
ounce of sunlight from each
passing day.
Branches extend outward
from the origins, in the name of progression.
We grow, we understand

When wounds
Are apparent
Clean the 
Afflicted
Allow your open
Sores
To be picked.
Put your fingers in
Deep, wiggle
A little.
Loosen the flesh
Let it heal

Lyricism, is always fun
to play with.
Going with the natural
flow of conciousness,
And not being conscious
Of the never ending film
Of life.
Living as it is
And know how,
How to be, is. Never
Questioning what you know,
But knowing what you know
Is as much as you know
For that second.

We are of air,
made from corn.

Blown together with
wind and kept
together by water.

I am a sad, sad
Character
With a smile that is
Upside-down
A frown owning
A crown.
Good-looking but not
Good on the
Inside.
My guts are black,
Brain fried, and
Eyes always
Crying.
Stature lacking
Confidence, finding it 
In the pants
Of others, and
At the bottom of
A bottle.
Seeking pleasure
With pain, hoping it'd
Make us equal.

Tiger eyes behind
Silver lines and
Nonexistent badges of authority.
Your somewhat of a
minority without a voice
nowhere to turn,
But turn fierce.
Your teeth sharp as ever
Never better!

Your coat is Fancy,
Your story isn't
You ****** with some guy
to get where you are.
Not very far from where
you started .
So you started to pout
and pour your spout on
Someone else for 200 dollars

Incums great you
roll in the bills(dollars)
Smile is fake, but you make it
because you faked
your "O" face and recited
The other vowels
on their lips.

You'll never know who
closed the door-
when you were
never awake to begin
with. Laying alone, cold...
you find comfort in the heat
of Others, but
in the heat of
others you find tension
teeth clenching, tight
being exaggerated and
intensified to the
point
where you'd concentrate
so hard into concentration
you'd die to be falling safely
from the reel of images leading
into static Sanctuary

I need some
help with the mundane
Traffic lights are
screaming green
to let me go
Let me go
home
trying to live on
pennies and dimes
drunk all the
time, yelling through
thin apartment walls
Voices I don't know
tell me
what to do
they give me reason to be
Still keeping me bound
on all fours.
Burning me
with cigarettes and
poisoning me.
My breathing is forced
people smell of *****
and body odor
Nothing else to do
but get gone
soo
lets get
gone
from all thats wrong

O' ray!
O' ray!
   O' ray, O' sunshine
Bring back the hot days
where my skin shined
so bright.
It had the  sun
green with envy
for that moment - all
was surreal.
Purple becomes green.
Gold to yellow, brown to rust.
Lets go and make our
next busk
tell me of a time, where
yesterday was always today
and tomorrow never came.
The sun in an ever looping instance of "rising" or
was it "falling"?
We'll never know and
who'd want to know?
Oblivious to oblivion
Living in disproportion,
Where yelling in ears becomes
whispering prayers and crazy muttering
become insightful guides.
A place where all I Am is
confused, and I'm the
Confusion. Now bring me to madness
and (I Know the conclusion)

My mind frozen
time frozen
efforts cold
I still hold
My cellphone
in one hand
mouths chatter
eyes close .

///

Cold lifeless hands
inching closer
to hot smooth flesh
raging with *******
potential.
Throbbing heat and
angry breath
fills the room

The water is flavorless  when it hits my coffee stained tongue
I crave hydration. My white lined lips  argue that it's impossible

**** me, my mind
said so. Heart doesn't
like to talk anymore,
since she's been beatin' one
to many times by nervousness.
Anxiety and Depression
like to have threesomes
with me, ******* me
from all ends.
I'm so sore, they do
it raw and sometimes I bleed.
Whenever I talk Anxiety's
*** still lingers in my mouth,
it reeks. He made me swallow hard.
They told me
if I said anything
what would be
the point.
They're not
real.

I find it exciting to see things break without a human touch.


A jar I previously filled with water,


froze today.


All I heard was the crackling of glass breaking,


I knew


It was the jar.





A jar I left outside


waiting for something to happen

and it


did.




Not at all what I wanted.


Nonetheless something that


happened.


without my touch

I want to
scream so hard
that an aperture
swallows my whole
existence.
Me and my history,
my own body and conscious
mind.
To be totally
immersed into
complete nothing.
No one knowing or
ever knowing .
My eyes desire to roll back,
tongue flipping to be
swallowed

I know what's good
for me but
I feel what's good
Isn't good for me.
The minutes go by
you know what you
should do but
you do not do.
enemy to yourself
Hostage held at
the highest ransom
but no one knows
your in danger.
In danger of
your self.
You want help but
you do not seek it.
Anxious, nervous... You
wait to improve  but
you do not prove that
you know what to do.
"Just do it!" you say
angrily. "I'm sorry" I say
I'm sorry to say "sorry"
a powerful word when over
used, you used to say what's
the use of being sorry
if you truly are't.

When the doors are
closed, what do you
know?
What can you tell me?
Is what you're going to
say, the same as what
I may say?

/
Mind on fire
with the itch of
curiousity. the flakes
that fall are ideas.
where they lay, I simply
blow them off.
I,
Left empty handed
and sore from
scratching.
//
Tip toe into madness-
Waltz so slowly-
Rolling my head back
looking up into the sky,
smiling so dangerously.
Clutching my curiosity-
Fluttering my eyes so fast
I experience an overdose.
///
Foot tapping to the
sound of impatience.
banging - tantrically
throwing heads around
for therapy
it soothes the itch
of exorcistic compulsions.
get read to exude crazed
lyricism. The aestheticism
brings me to
bite my lip.

My head,
      Doesn't 
Hurt.
*****, becomes 
My friend.
I say "hello" 
Every morning.
Pills are for
Weak days
Ignore the pain,
Smile.
"hit me"
Written across 
Your forehead 
Walking into
Traffic
Staying in the 
Fast lane.

The frigid nights
Opens the mouth of the
World so wide you can
clearly see the stars
Shiny white and yellow teeth above
Snow covers the landscape around
me
Animal ***** stains
the ground around me
Dirt and rocks peek through

One lonely man
In tattered garbs
Walks in the mud
Each leg lifted (plops)
with every step.
His breath visible,
Red and blue is seen
in the distance.

////


Cold colorado, with sharp aggressive trees
stabbing the skies
the forest is a prison, winter.
Pillows of snow falling,
tucking the people
into their warm fired homes.
Homeless lay awake
in a frozen reality,
the snow hides everything from
people , what you forget,
Is usually always forgotten
in the snow.

Opportunities I missed
Become pins in my brain
Like a pin cushion they
Collect
Any moment to improve seems
To be mount everest,
The climb seems treacherous
But I never tried
Another pin in the cushion
Im a ragdoll with buttoned
Eyes and ripped seams
Never did seem to
Like the others