Opportunities I missed
Become pins in my brain
Like a pin cushion they
Collect
Any moment to improve seems
To be mount everest,
The climb seems treacherous
But I never tried
Another pin in the cushion
Im a ragdoll with buttoned
Eyes and ripped seams
Never did seem to
Like the others

There's beauty in a morning
Lived thoroughly
A breath taken in-

Fuller than any
part of the day.
light and fluffy.
bounce into
life, uninhibited.
second winds


A good morning,
Sleepless

My family and I just started our after dinner walk on Mother’s day.
All smiles, strolling along our paved road that leads home.
As we were halfway near the highway, telling jokes and giggling over our bloatedness.
I look down to notice our dog panting and barking off into the distance.
Nothing was there. Dogs barking was not something I usually take too much mind to.
We own 3 dogs; Lucy is a male pitbull, Linda is a male yorkie, and Mindy is a female pug.
They all came with us on our walk. Usually they roam free, but today they stuck near.
That didn’t seem to be unusual.

We talk about how everyone is doing and what exactly everyone is up to.
Basically getting caught up since I usually don’t visit often, as i stay with my partner.

All three DOGS walked off into the distance, on there way back. Most likely tired.

All of a sudden my heart skips, my ears pop
increasingly loud ringing..
Confused, I start to panic. Everything seems fine. I can't hear anything.

I look around, finally noticing that my family was gone.
I finger my ears repeatedly. The sun is going down.

Nothing seems to be around, no cars passing, houses in the distance seemingly vacant but cars are parked in front and everybody is most likely inside.
I shrug whatever happened off, I make my way back home. Ears still deaf.

The driveway to my house seemed about a football field away. Every step was disorienting. I could not hear anything, still.
I apparently took an awkward step unknowingly. spraining my ankle and falling into a bush of stickers (this is New Mexico so that’s not uncommon.) It’s dark now. The closest amount of light is coming from my house.
I am yet to be able to hear anything.

The house less than 600 feet away. I yell for help. I can’t hear myself yelling but I know I am. The house has a big window that’s radiating light in my direction. It makes sense that my screaming would get attention. Nothing happens.
Shadows appeared looking out from the window. Feeling a sense of relief, I scream again. Expecting them to take notice, they don’t. They actually stay where they are.
All I can see is familiar silhouettes.

Still screaming, now waving my hands in the air and crying. I still don’t hear anything.
My throat feels as if it were bleeding.
Feeling very helpless and scared.
The silhouettes remain where they were. Frustrated, crying, tired, and in pain.
I close my eyes and throw my head back ..
into black
Like sleep

I wake in the beginning

My touch screen won't work,
Touch  me and make me scream
So I know it won't hurt
Mental illness, is a killer.
I won't eat, I must punish
I crave pain
My stomach is as empty as children's playgrounds in chilling winter.
No reason to be hungry,
but I want to look great.
I haven't received any
friend request today

I'm not scared of dying.
Living seems to be the
only frightening aspect of reality.
Just being is making foot prints at
all the places you been.
Your eyes are fixated on happiness
while the man in front of you has a
tool palpitating for you.
Grasping the tiny member is
like holding a baby carrot
his face was no better to
look at: scruffy face, double-chinned,
and ragingly *****.
Hands behind my neck curates
whats next ...
bobbing for apples and coughing
grudgingly
tearing eyes and exercised reflexes
give to the masterful art
of *******.
smiles are priceless, if met with
the supply of eye contact.
your heart isn't for sale, but
your orifices are.
Hyper-sexuality is the name of
the game.
your *** should be as big as your
ego, mouth wide enough to swallow
beer cans, and eyes sweet enough to
defile.
wiping your mouth
you find a hair.
"this means extra!" holding it
to him.
"I told you over the phone"
Man throws you the money and drops
you off at the local flea bag
hotel.
Waiting ... waiting ... waiting ...
the call of a stranger, can
be stranger than ever each time
you answer.
next guy wants you to play with his
****, while you humiliate him by
spitting in his face

I hope you feel my words

Hear my intent

Notice my attention

and most of all

see that I care..


Hear your words

See your face

Look in your eyes


Feel your teeth, your tongue

Hear your heartbeat

pound as

we nervously touch .

Our sticky eyes

View eachother

Bubble gum touch

Gliding fingers
Tender kisses

Pelvis to pelvis
Tight holds
Molecular bonds
Love made strong
Final song
the ecstacy


Morning breath smells

of vulnerability, humility and laughter

I love you

a certain feeling is emerging.


my teeth grind


my mind seems fine.


I don’t like it.


I want to shout, I want to scream,


I want to fight, I want to blow steam

I’m uncomfortable




My eyes have been dammed for too long


I must cry, I must feel


I must share, I must reveal


I am hindered




There's a certain ******* tongue desires.


no amount of salt or sugar


will satisfy.




I don't know, but


I want out. I feel


I have no say or power to do,



But the reality is I "Do"

The world is ill and I am not a doctor. Success is water soluble. You can mix it with alcohol and you can roll it with your ****. I want nothing to do with it. Greed is as green as the grass thats on the other-side. Poverty is camouflaged with bright smiles and happy families. Pain is merely an evolutionary adaptation wrapped up with a bow as common sense gifted to all who are born. Apparently Adam and Eve must've took a bite of an apple and lost some teeth to make them think they sinned.
Repression is the new depression. Nothing changed just my behavior .

Papered words
Swallowed by a manic depressive
a bottomless binge eater

Indigestion regular
Normal ****

Broken bottle once
Filled to the brim

Pop is an escape
Easily digested

Substance at face value
Shallow

“Broken again?”
Says the creator
Humpty Dumpty’s tale
too relatable.

Curious is the cool cat
Who saw the suicide

Quiet is the mouse
Who ran away

Message in a bottle
lost at sea

Castaway

I'd much rather be
Dead
Then to live any
While longer
Life is difficult
So am I.
Why do we have
To stare at each other
In the eyes
Life challenges me
To put the
Gun;
Silver, cold, and ready
Up to my head.
The real challenge is to
Pull the trigger
Of such a powerful
Item, that exemplifies
Blasphemy in
Common activities

Life is weird.
And I am numb
Our days are numbered
but it's for sure
Not a number anyone
would care to know about.

Life is a mess
And I need to clean up.
If not me,
Who else?

I'll make my efforts to
today
And hope
At some point we're
Square.
Then we can both
walk the lines,
narrowly.

It'll all be
Even Stevens.
Hopefully another character
comes in with a
better story arc.

The postponed appointment
Impending


blackest days will always be
that.
Your demons and shadows will only be
Demons and shadows
You are brave

Know that I am in the wind
and you are in the world

Like the stocks I wasnt invested but still I went bankrupt

My debt now consolidated.


I will creep back into the waters
of creation. Body and mind at rest
Forever

a certain feeling is emerging
Grinding of my teeth
Nails to chalkboard
I dont like it.
I want to shout, I want to scream,
I want to fight, I want to blow steam
My eyes have been dammed for too long
I must cry, I must feel
I must share, I must reveal
I am hindered
Theres a certain ******* tongue desires
and no amount of candy or soda
will satisfy.
I don't know, but
I want out. I feel
I have no say or power to do,
But the reality is I "Do"

Let me be the
Corpse beside
You, rotted.
With roses on my lap and
In my hands.
Fresh flowers reside
Everyday, never
Wilted or fake.
Dusting my bones daily
With fine conversation.
Even when you 
Were the one who
Killed me, I stayed
Forever, as forever can be.
You made sure of
It.
/
Eat the candy
Out of my
Mouth.
I tell you
"**** on that!"
So you did, saying that it
Taste like honey,
But you pucker.
Lips swirling into
A kiss stolen 
From me. I want
It back!
Tongue missing from
My mouth, gargling
On saliva. Not mine 
But his.
Oh, I know
So sweet...

Grasping sanity
Breathing ecstasy
Biting tongues

Eyes flitter

No moan,
Silent quitter

I hope you are
doing okay

Something in me misses
you.
A sweet craving
within my heart

Nothing quite satisfies
the same as you
do

A quality in the air
is missing since you've
been gone.

The air isnt filled with
static. My hair's do not stand up
the same way.

Magic is missing, excitement has been robbed and optimism is down.

Come back please

I like when things
Are in action when I have done
Nothing.
Working, loving, breaking,
Falling
Without a touch from me
You work, you love, you fail
You live .
Me laying still staring at nothing.
Crash of cars, storms gather, an alcoholics
Head splatters.
Next day the same. dust picks up,
Tumble weeds travel. Love grows
where seeds of hope are planted.
Sprouts of joy rise, blossoming smiles bright, care is honed .
Drugs are sold, people are stolen,
Brothers and sisters are killed.
All that I've heard is a good prayer helps.
But does prayer stop a trigger ,
Does prayer stop kidnappings,
Does prayer stop peoples desire

No one wants to be
outside when the
sun falls.
Everybody wants to
see the sunrise.
When it's dark, no one wants to speak of
what they feel.
In the light people
talk of what they
see, and make nothing of it.
In the dark few feel for what
they cannot see, awareness is a new sense.
The light and dark have both individuals
who hate and love one or the other.
Warmth and cold

I put you in my mouth
Took a bite

I was burned

My mind my tongue
My chemistry

My lungs

You satisfied me like no other,
now I'm anxious

Touching myself, I was *****
I was burned

My **** my eyes

****

It is a change of faith
maybe the loss of.
Maybe in the books
within history.

Her story may be found.
At the bottom of a well
we shall know now
what comes of her

Let her out
I know she's still there now
Let her out
Tell her "come to the breeze"

Your internal hell
Doesn't have to be faced at the bottom
of a well.

Come to the breeze

She and I, are one
We will both be okay

I know that now.

Please, let her out.

Twirling on the neon red pole
With blue skimpy attire
Hair long with bleached lies
To hide dark brown truths
Glitter on the eye lids, flutter
for parties, and alcohol.
Smiles for nirvana
Body motions for a living,
Spinning for life
Each dance is a prayer
Multiple gods to pray to
Beer guts, perverse grins, and cigarette stained
Teeth.
Dollar bills, rain like answers
Given for hard problems to solve
In the end, work is work
Same difference?

When your significant other
Is indulging in their work, and
I, the supposed lover is
Off to the side writing about how lonely
I feel when someone who is a
Foot away is not paying attention to you,
is merely "reading" of things that are
Significant to him.
Do i deserve this. Do I deserve sobriety?
Do I care? Does that matter?
Do I deserve this position
Of enslavement? When I am very
Aware of being a slave.
I feel im in the awkward middle,
Of being tied down by
Words and debating
Death.
He honestly doesn't think
Of me, and I
The same to him.
Why do we care?
Why do we stay?
I attempted to leave, he said we do better
"Together."

Craters on my face,
remind me of space.
travel

Hair on my body,
remind me of nature.
untouched-touched

Scars on my skin,
remind me of mistakes made.
living

Tan transition to pale flesh,
remind me of wonders.
unseen

Dry chapped skin,
remind me of time exhausted.
work

Boney bones,
remind me of mountains.
adventure

How can sugar be sweet
when you haven't had
a taste

the Desire was there
but is it
still?

salt is salty
but aren't my tears
the same.

Why don't you desire
my vulnerability. Like you
Do with your
sweet confections.

All that's bitter can
be balanced
I swear.

Everything's the same
but I don't think you
can hear

My subtleties are in vain

Must I grab a megaphone

Like the newest grunge
indie girl
screaming to make
everything clear

twirling, roses falling around me
jumping, feelings that explode
Fireworks in my hands
Jazz in my toes

Dance

Smile to shine
Eyes wide to see
Butterflies
Oh, romance
beautiful ******* leave me
and nihilism alone.
Keeping to myself and I.

My skin and blood jumps
My mind doesn't
Obedient, well trained.
Does it mean I know what's going on.
No.

Looking directly at the sun
Eyes shine, glass orbs
Suns themselves
Fire in the brain
Continuously gazing
Mind absent, as the
Slow torture of
“Hell I see”
No blink…
Eyeballs dry,
Red, blistering
Face scorched.
Collapse
Body falls to the ground, eyes smoking, charred
Black
Damage unquestionable.

wake up
get up
drink up
not awake yet,
still chasing conciousness.
lips grey and eyes sunken
living my big bright
blur of a life

Body crawls to bed
falter now
animal mounting prey
staring at your face
intimate eyes.
fingers explore your body,
ear to chest
Excitement in your heart
blood pumps
cannibal desire

Holding hands with children
Shiny red balloons
you fear to let go,
holding for dear life.
The future is here
kids grow nearer
to the world we shelter them from.
A bull running faster and faster
your heart can't take
another surprise.
Future is now , shiny-er
than ever. Optimism rains,
perfection is strived, tomorrow's
problems are solved and
today. Progress is
continuing.
Future's are secured

I wish to be mute
my only voice is on paper
Half the time I'm alive
I wish I wasn't .
I want to cry so hard
when I'm alone but
I know
No one cares
My throat feels sore from
screaming, but I
haven't screamed yet.
I feel I have no one
to tell,
to tell what?
Is what I say to myself.

No scab goes
Unpeeled
Like the shedding
Of a snakes skin.
Every year passes
As a drop of sand
In a hourglass.


In a time
where time doesn't
matter, and humans
are no more than nutrients
for the future of nature.
The music of the
Snakes rattle
Plays in the background
Dark, and empty.
The future looks
Scary, as the sun
turns blood red.
My eyes look up
to see a tree
with cocoons replacing
Leaves
In the breeze.
The collective beats
of molting insects
bursting from their very
necessary flesh prisons.

To grow, to struggle
To break free
And be something the world
hasn't quite seen
You are unique
You are beautiful
You are alive
To know that human concepts
bare no arms to
Harm you.
You fly, you cry,
you live, you say
Goodbye.

A leaf doesn't know it is a part of tree,
so please let us keep on growing.
History
is taught to the ones who've fallen.


They see a tree, the ground, the grass
the sky above
they leave, they travel
they live free and die.

Time
doesn't matter
                     Humans,
                nutrients for the future

Whenever I see a queer person of color
I hide the comments section.
No love there.
My optimism is *******.
Everyday I see these
influential warriors
fighting for there voice.
Many enemies.

Nothing but hate

I love you!
Great and valiant fighter
Go on and create.
As will I!
If you do too

Ima sit here
with the bottle of water
I bought an hour ago
from down the street.
leave me be, here,
with nothing on my
mind.
sitting thinking about
yesterday,
about hanging with friends
with a cool imperfect smile
that weeds out the real.
keep the circle tight.
so tomorrow is worry-free

leave me be, here,
with my bad habits

I cannot find
the strength to
Shut my eyes hard enough.
Seeing the discourse
Disheartens me, but
it is necessary.
A conversation ever-going
Becoming more and more complex.
Complexity is the future.
Everyone will want to simplify
to make it easier for they to swallow.
You can't always swallow the hardest pills. Possibly, it may go up the
***.
None the less it is going somewhere.
Progress, hunty

Blindfolded, I feel everything.

chewing bubblegum lips.

fish above water

gasping for air

Do you ever think to yourself "what the **** am I doing?"
I do, a lot.

Living on a rezervation where the local economy is Oil, Fast food, Politics and one Market. if willing maybe a pyramid scheme.

"what the **** am I doing?"
You think think that question a lot when you don't fit in .

What do I care?!?!

   What "do I care"?

Have you woke up in the middle of the night to look out at nothing.
Watching time go by.

Wanting so much for time to stop.
still moving, every crushing minute,
    moves so slowly with every second.

Wherever, you are.
think of where you've been
and who you loved.


think of where you'll be.

Everyone will be there
behind you.
Cheering you on. To your next
Endeavor

Fireworks, big smiles and
bigger laughs.

You've come so far
You know you can go farther

im terribly
terrified of the future
with pretentions minds

Do i stay
where I am and soak
in the disorganized
disheveled world
let my mind be
the same.
do i allow
do i learn
do i take a deep breath
and inhale each seasons scents

Was this a night mare
Was this a movie
What was this memory
I remember so well.
( Was this a memory?)

When you've been living in a daze
everything is too close to a dream.
When you're in a dream, have you ever thought about anyone else .

I had the thought of rethinking what I knew.
I knew now everything, wasn't exactly as it was . Or was it?
I don't remember, should I care?

Why does it hurt?

Every ounce I drink
My face melts away
My eyes sink lower
Smiles yellow
Liver disintegrates

Memories fly away
Mind glides to the next
day doing the next operation
Worrying about nothing but
the next commitment.
Deep breathing, suppressing.
Smiling, holding in the deepest
breath. Asphyxiation.
A tight knoose. Kept loose enough
to make the next decision.

I feel every minute of my being,
being lived every moment. To a certain extent, a chokehold.
I want you to be the happiest,
the unseen celebration.
The best of
you're life.

The unthinkable, your next
step to where you want to be.
beyond me.

to only feel optimism is ignorant. We experience so much more. Happiness is a choice? That's repression. Bottling up.
to explode in a public space is seen as unhealthy.

That is in the end to feel something in the moment honey. We got those feelings. Express it. So someone else can understand

Toxic, sick
Infectious.
Feeling nothing but
Erections.
Butterflies in my heart.
fleeting

Highs to spark

Something in my heart.

Keep it coming as long
as it's in the dark.
Please hit me with the whip
and split my *** open.
Hoping that you'd find the
Sugary caramel insides.
Lick me clean

Heart beating
wings of a bee
High on honey
Dance freak  
Sugar squeak

Tip of the peak

Like a mermaid washed up on shore
Needing no breath
(you stole it from me)

not sure if shes okay.

Take a deep breath

Eye to eye
Medusa rose
-stunned

Effortless beauty.