Toes digging into the water, my mind is so clear
Floating on the boat forgetting my fears
Kissing the sun forgetting you my dear
Hair perfumed with salt, beach waves
Skin laced with lotion, sunbeams
Smile painted on, the house of cards cave
Makes me soar like dragonflies and rationalize my problems let them be disguised
Within the shivering black that the sun cannot penetrate
Within the deepest depths that harbor sea monsters' eyes
A mouth of chiseled layered teeth and skin so scaly and slick
No ounce of fear I have inside
Relaxing within its mouth because my rise was prophesized

the war of egos
bruised and blue
the shooting of arrows
straight and true
do not run me for a loop, deploy me like troops
i understand the situation and i command your strength
i understand my situation so i summon my faith

I don’t know what I want to be or not want to be
I can barely find myself within the labyrinth
maze of bleeding days and internalized strays
wondering how I am going to establish
my place in this strange space
all these new faces, will I hold up
confident until I compete
on top of it until I break
everything is overwhelming me

I brush your spine with my fingertips
I kiss the lines that lead to your treasure chest
I rest in the enigma, I rest in your charisma
Waiting to explore your oceans
Can't resist you, your gaze has me frozen
frozen in the moment, velvet kisses on your mind like a poet
lean into it, lean into the moment

I wipe the tears away at night
I handle the storms inside
I trust in my own light
I surrender to the divine
I am more than my emotions and more than my moments
I am a sum of all the lives I've lived and every heart I've kissed
I've lost and won but they bleed into one
The experience and memories are all that follow me not my accolades and trophies
I take each day to target my pain and eradicate it away
Every day is a new beginning to start a new way
Like the fool, I am in constant change
My nomadic mind cannot be tied
To one culture or one belief
Because that would be preventing me
From being as open as the thousand petal lotus
I am devoted to nothing except my destiny
The road very sporadic ahead and can only see as much as I am meant to be
But according to God's plan, I am winning
I throw myself off of mountains to connect to the sea
I throw myself off track when I don't believe in me
I know I am not alone in this world and will never be
Not with my ancestors and angels protecting me
I have experienced pain and sorrow but at their discretion
I have also experienced an overwhelming amount of blessings
So I have taken them as they come including the lessons
Because I was put on this earth for a reason and I have to respect it

do you really really know yourself
do you really let it unfold itself
or do you jump the gun
spring and sprung
one and done
love struck
do you really truly know yourself
do you really uphold yourself
or do you pick apart
dissect or repent
hate or peace
love struck
again
oh

Goddess but I am modest
Your whole heart I hold
Trace it with my fingertip melt it into gold
We are abundant like our clothes on the floor
Loving you all on fours

Touch your pools of mocha claimed them as my own
Tainting my notion of love I've come to know
Was it all fantasy? What I previously believed
Or was I simply staring into a black hole
The unknown

But with you, we bridge the gap
Between the known and the yet to know
Love your tone, so deep and low
Hug me close until you have to go
Love me like I am Marilyn Monroe

sweet until sour, drunken chatter
everything i wished for came true
if only my lil baby self knew
each tear was a seed, they mattered
not just feeding the stream
powerful, i feel power

I just wanna feel something, someone
not just my days all being blended into one
depression, investments, they’re all up
actually, they swallow me up
but in the stomach of existential dread
I feel freer in my head without all these man-made structures
they want to let my rivers run red and leave me to the vultures
it's the culture we live in, who do we reprimand?
who would understand? take me back to ancestral land
devoted to my our sacred place among the ecosystem not trying to oversee them
we are not God, we are not omnipotent
to the creator, we are nothing more than a rodent
which fills its niche, which helps another fill theirs
we are not individuals in a vacuum but complex affairs

my tears clearer than the ocean
yet my emotions rival the waves
i wish my happiness didn’t fade like the sun at the end of the day
but growth is what i wished for and i accepted whichever way
didn’t understand the toll it would take
i kiss my peers as i waste away, i love you all i wish i could say
under my drunken spell i forgive my ways
all the days i rot away, my insecurity remains the same
fill me with venom, treacherous rain
there is only so much my frame can take

modern monarchs, recorded in technicolor
think its real, but its cake
think its real, but its fake
under the guise of god’s fate
modern monarchs, makeshift mothers
desperation at stake
where are all the fathers
under the guise of god’s fate, we falter

just molted
new body still sensitive
your fingers brushed through my hair
my perspective is questioning
birds eye view to warped perception
confidence then second guessing
snow angels in the backyard
tears in the diary
smoke joints in the backyard
fears feel so fiery
your fingers traced my cracked heart
my fingers drew you and your scars
i just molted
new heart still sensitive

Enmesh ourselves in the forest of our bodies
the movie could be written by our calculated cadence
folded arms to euphoric statements
tap your head to drink your thoughts
did not expect it after so long
massage your scars, unbuckle your taming
i can see the movie we are making
the wide eye boy and his capital charm
the small town boy with a fresh fresh start

my mind is a ravenous fire
fuelled with gluttonous desire
feed it something every hour
only rest when it digests
but it rises like the tides towards the sun
my mind is a ambitious one

the room is suffocating, I am spiraling
I thought this was my season but I am unwell
there's so much I want but so little I have
I feel like I am stuck at the bottom of a well
can see the light and life above but I remain in my broken shell
I want to feel even a little bit more secure
I want to smile and sing with the birds
my foundation is shaky, my will is breaking
waiting for someone to save me
I tried to save myself with no help
I tried to love myself to no help
I tried to do it alone with no help
I tried to run from it all with no help
I just really want to be held
I just really want to be felt
make the most of these cards I was dealt

it's your arms.. and your face
it's your body... and your warm embrace
it's your lips... and the heart I trace

Fatal position but not the same
Somehow different, but consistent
The ying to my yang, opposition
Usually tame but feeling open
Nuclear Nectarine; our bodies are fluent
In speech beyond movements eat into my aura
Love beyond emotion dive into my pandora
The love conceiving anew, the bloom of flora

So scary but so sweet, so foreign to me
The bomb discreet, explode onto me
Grip my body as you reaching the peak
Don't let your ego control you let your soul speak
Nuclear Nectarine

lead me down the hall to dance in the secret of the dark
your blackened past and your hot hot hands
pressing my temples, turning my body into rumble
trembling for your delicate deliciousness
the world is morphing with my pipe dream visions
my face chisels, my heart whistles
my life is lived in intervals
between sunlight and dawn
between the long night walks
chasing the moon, interwoven in the oasis of your room

Brilliant beams sent by the moon to me
Always understanding my perfect remedy
Whenever the world is too chaotic I can always come to you for peace
And serenity
Guaranteed that I will feel better and at ease
The orange flower birthed in my subconscious
The bud was never a tracked process
Like a rose that grew from concrete, we grew from doom
From trauma and drama, it conceived me anew
Get me my broom, let me taste the sky
Get me my love, let us dance all night
Put me underneath your tongue, show you a joyride
Love being in love with you, so different than what we knew

ticket to the train station
tempted to train my motivation
singing swan songs for my salvation
toking for a moments vacation, coaching vocation
warp the world around my thumb
sway to the beats of my drum
angels pick me up, scared to become
all the things i have been ashamed of
iridescent sparkles that were judged as vain
steady shovelling the ****, shaving down the over grown bushes
the path was there all along; i see her now
what the **** was i even doing

Your smokey voice adding a layer of fog
To all my thoughts, make my heart jump like a frog
For all it counts I be there when it counts
Every second and hour on the clock
Your words slip out of your mouth like a waterfall and I am parched
The conjunction of our energy is wonderful and I offer my heart
Clinging to optimism because I often fall and cannot be ripped apart

distracted by gleaming greens
emerging into the deep sea
the pitch black, ditch facts
invested in the diversity
shrugging off adversity
distracted by gleaming greens
birth in sea like Aphrodite
my descent is perfect timing

callously cradling curious kids
hounds make the sounds to scare the men
hurricanes in my periphery
violent wash, electricity
buying unobtainable zen

i threw a penny into a fountain a fortnight ago
i trust the process, removed my ego
the story unfolded like a novel
now I have room to grow
into the grooves, towards the sun
rain is a blessing to some
pain is a lesson for some
i trust the process, trust i’ll become
the words I write in my journal
the worlds I create are personal

im a lil scared, my mom is unwell
i am reliving fears, i know this feeling all too well
each hospital visit, each tear filled eye
oh god why do you make my family cry
sadistic incision into my heart
idealistic vision into my art
i don’t want to feel good or bad, i just want it to end
i dont want to hear news good or bad, i just want to hold my mama’s hand
friends, family, it all hurts the same
constantly shifting frames, day in day out
labour hard, echo chamber scream it out
its hard, its hard, it hard
waiting for the other shoe to drop, wondering where is the next empty spot
in the christmas dinner, thanksgiving dinner
dreams of the deceased, am i a sinner?

swinging in the lilac flowers
listening to sza for hours
forgetting my ivory skin is solar powered
shedding my old skin before i devour
every moment on the horizon
succeeding no longer trying
law of least effort, divining
law of impermanence, time not wasted on crying, trying to cling
driving, light is dreadfully dim
but i keep my finger on the pulse
feeling the moment

I craved intimacy, thought your hand on me would free me
I thought that if you embraced my waist, all my tears would fade
I thought pain and shame would be buried in my adoration of you
But little did I know love is a scary thing and I subconsciously ran before it caved in too
So this cycle I perpetuate leaves me in a constant state of disarray
I can't decide which fear controls me inside but I do recognize I need to change the ties
Like a spider creeping on my back, my cat appears with love
Rubbing her head against everything craving my attention indefinitely
The eyes closed, so close, the love I have been craving
So I give the love I been craving to my baby and she returns it to me
Suddenly the act of loving unconditionally is no longer foreign to me

tripping over my words
cannot express the tidal wave
wait for it to dissipate
wait for goodness sake
dripping over lack of words
my world dries up like dirt
waiting to get off the bench
craving to be quenched
needing to be heard