I’m falling asleep again.
Can you feel my heart?
All I can feel is its weight…
It’s so heavy.
Whenever I try to get up,
It pushes me down further.
Why can’t I wake up?
This demon of death
Lies atop me,
****** my soul.

Release Me!
Release me, demon.

It’s getting hard to breathe.
Demon of death,
Take me or leave me.
But I cannot Stay
asleep.

1.Distant Voices
‘’….see…at night
…………close your eyes
We will…..
……………………goodbye
……….
We will…….you…..will
……….
In the dark
Dead……………………..park’’
I hear these distant children’s voices
Familiar place so devoid of anything joyous
I wake up from my nightmare
Quickly pick up my dream diary from the chair
I write down the details, all the stages, all the phases
It’s the same dream covering last six pages

2.Janitor
Seven minutes, that’s all
I wait Seven minutes
To let the sugar properly dissolve in the hot milk
Then I pour my cereal in the milk, now lukewarm
Turn on the radio, listen to opera song

Seven minutes, that’s all
I eat for Seven minutes
Then I put grey suit on my lanky body
Final look in the mirror, the sadness I embody

Leave my home at eight
Seven minutes that’s all
A walk distance, never late
Straight to the mop; wet,
Straight to the bucket; yellow
No greetings, not even a hello
A janitor working at Lucy Fernando’s Café
Hardly a triple digit pay for a day
Getting old and frail, what can I say

Seven hours that’s all
Then home all day
Home, that smells faintly of gasoline
Grey chipping walls, dark and unhappy
But I keep it clean

And when the sun begins to drown
I pick up my pallet go near my easel
I paint for hours and feel so peaceful
I paint girls looking jolly and gleeful
Perfect vessels for everything evil
The only talent I have is what I hide
The only thing I hold with pride  

Seven hours that’s all
For Seven hours I sleep
Wake up and put the milk on heat
Seven minutes, I let it dissolve the sugar
As I brush my decaying teeth
Days will go on as long as I choose to breathe
Days will go on, unless a saviour sweeps me off my feet

3.Beauty By The Bus-Stop
That day underneath the ocean sky
Stood an enchantress, a spell caster
No less than a fortune that she caught my eye
Chills to the bones, and heart raced faster

Her almond eyes, and hazel iris
Her pointed nose and elven ears
less of a damsel more of a siren
Her peach skin and cherry lips
Chocolate hair hanging to the curve of her back
Strawberry hands right to the tips
Chills to the spine, and heartbeat skips

Her orange sweater over a chequered skirt
Her camel shoes oscillating back and forth
Heels to toes, toes to heels, heels to toes
What a blessing on the Earth
What a blessing on us
A beauty waiting for her bus

I gazed at her long enough to make her a prisoner,
In my eyes, so I could shape her splendour
Through my paints and brush; nothing sinister
And when I’m done with my masterpiece
I throw it on the rest of them; joins the family, another sister



4.Number 7:
I had the same dream last night
It is the seventh time now
I feel dizzy, I know I’m old but this doesn’t feel right
I managed to get myself on the road
Six people in my peripheral sight
Following me, wearing all black
Chains and long gowns,
I can’t go back
So I run to my job with my antiquated legs
I managed to escape, straight to the mopping I go
I wash the floor but the water appears red
And the walls begin to fold into each other
What is happening? What is wrong with my head?
Is it an illness or is it a hex?
When I went home, the street was clear unlike my dread
And there I was, lying on my bed
Suddenly my body twisted, my limbs all bent
‘’Save me oh Lucifer’’ involuntary I said
‘’Lucifer’’ ‘’Lucifer’’ again and again
I know it was wrong but it was euphoria that ran
All over my body
I couldn’t see anything, it was all too cloudy

And then I heard a voice
Perhaps coming from my own mouth
‘’Join us, our brother, become the number seven’’
‘’lend your body to him’’
‘’besides you are never making to heaven’’
It was the piercing sound of an explosion
That help me snap out of it
As the news came in, trembling my core
Lucy Fernando’s Café is no more

5.The Field:
I wake up in a burnt corn field
In my hand is a lantern
I held my shaking hand straight
Ambling slowly to get of here
Finally I see a light alluring me near
It is my house and the room is lit
Coming towards the window a silhouette appears
A tall man with horns on head, maybe, it’s just too unclear
I sense the aura of power, malfeasance and vanity from him
the only thing I feel from me is fear
But my feet keep walking towards him
Like a moth to a light
And I hear his demonically enchanting voice
He whispers
‘’What does it feel like to be touched?
What does it feel like to taste the meat?
What does it feel like to look fair?
What does it feel like to dance on your feet?
Giveth thy body to me
And thou shall regain the desired beauty and youth
shall thy worry of expiry be gone
together we shall rule’’
I shout ‘’No’’, ‘’Never’’
I feel the wrath taking over my body and crushing me
I open my eyes from this terrible dream
Lying on my side with neon red clock in front of me
I feel his hands around my neck choking me
Cold, strong hands suffocating me
I try to fight but I can’t
I try to raise my voice but I can’t
My body doesn’t move
My eyes don’t close
It is my time to go, resisting is of no use
But soon I was let go of
I was given a second chance
Either by god
or the unholy lord

6.Rag Doll:
I am afraid to close my eyes now
What pain is waiting on the other side
I lay awake in my fear but somehow
I give in,
I’m falling from the sky
I look down far below me there is an ocean
I freak out but slowly I give up
Nothing I can do even if I try
I gaze at the big orange sun with squinted eyes
Slowly falling into golden ocean along with me
And then I enter the water my feet first
Everything slows down and my body is immobile
One last look above and then I sink
Slowly descending
What a view as if from a painting
Shoals, manta rays, dolphins
Slowly descending
Effortlessly breathing
The blue gets darker and darker
I can no longer see the light peering through the water
I can no longer breathe, But my body is still petrified  
The dark gets even darker
And the last thing I see is ancient rune carved on a rock
I see it and hear a scream, I feel pain strong enough
To get me out of the nightmare

I am afraid to close my eyes now
What pain is waiting on the other side
I lay awake in my fear but somehow
I give in,
I’m on a surgical bed
Anesthetized with two deformed doctors over my head
They grab scalpel, cut open my cranium
I am still half-conscious but I can’t move
I feel everything, every cut
I want to scream but my mouth is sealed shut
Until I hear a scream I wake up

I am afraid to close my eyes now
What pain is waiting on the other side
I lay awake in my fear but somehow
I give in,
I’m tied to the ground with chains
And my younger self is in front of me
Looking down on me with disdain
His gentle hand holds a knife
He swiftly cuts my finger
I want to scream in agony, in pain
But once again
I struggle to make a sound but all in vain
He stabbed me, sliced me and slashed me open
My flesh lying on the floor all dispersed
My bones scattered in pieces all broken
But somehow I’m still alive
Until I hear a scream and open my eyes

I am afraid to close my eyes now
What pain is waiting on the other side
I lay awake in my fear but somehow
I give in….

7.Give Up And Give In
I peer outside through the curtains
Six men holding hands
There is no way I can run
I have tried calling 911
But the wires have been cut off
I hear chanting all around my room
I can’t help but fall asleep again
And then, there I am in the corn field
With him in my house and me outside it
He whispers
‘’I desire thy body
My brethren long for my return
I shall bring thee delight
As long as thou become my vessel
As long as thou lettest me unleash my might’’
‘’Take it, I give up’’ I say
‘’Take it, I give in
Take my body, end my suffering
Take me, lord of sin’’

8.Rebirth
Show them no mercy
Give them sorrow, show no sympathy
Take the world on which you fell
Make them beg for pity, show them hell
Bring life to the beauties from my paintings
Make them your worshipers, the witches
Let’s dance on the heaps of bodies
Let’s bring out the darkness, and the beauty that lies in it

I was a measly insect, being crushed
Scared to speak
Scared to leave
But still latched to false beliefs
I only wished for a kinder world
Such a joy you brought in my life
Now I will live deliciously

Bring down the meaningless buildings
Melt these bleak, lifeless cities
Make them grovel, make them bow
Show them who’s in power now

I can’t help but to love me
When I look in the mirror,
Can’t help but to love what I see
Green serpentine eyes
Black hair and wings, sturdy body
face glimmering with youth
I can’t help but to love you

Stay here with me
Never leave, keep loving me
Your perfect vessel of a body
Such Heavenly feeling
I can’t help but cry seeing such a magnificent sight
Stay by my side
Soon it will be the death of light
Don’t let go of me
Stay by me
Stay with me
Stay in me


9.We Will See You At Night
We will see you at night
As soon as you close your eyes
We will meet you
As soon as your soul says goodbye
To your body
We will greet you, We will say hello
Isn’t it pretty?
In the dark
Dead flowers in a forgotten park
We will see you there again
Beneath the tree with hanging men
We will see you
Oh we WILL see you
Are you saying you won’t?
Are you sure that’s what you want?
Either way we will see you at night
As soon as you close your eyes
As soon as you turn down the lights
Away from everybody
We live here in nowhere
Mere young dead bodies
Are here for you, to care
So reach out your hands to us
And let go
We will cry with you
We will laugh with you
We will be your home
So let go
Let’s gaze at the swirling dark sky
Engulfing the light
Let’s pacify ourselves
By feasting on the flesh left and right
You can say no for now
But we will see you again tomorrow night
No one else will see you
No one will notice you
So let go
Let us show you the darkness
True light, that is of moon
In a sky that is starless
Paint you in the blood of fresh carcass
Hold our tiny hands
We are alone
Stuck here ever since we fell
Guide us to hell
To our deliverance
Hold our tattered hands
Become one of us
You will be loved
Reach out your hand and trust us
We will be here
Beneath the tree with hanging men
We will see you there again
Dead flowers in a forgotten park
In the dark
Isn’t it pretty?
We will greet you, We will say hello
To your body
As soon as your soul says goodbye
We will meet you
As soon as you close your eyes
We will see you at night

Your angelic words wrapped with demonic intent
Wont reach me from all the way up there
Your pedestal is too high, I'm afraid I can't hear a word you say
Your godlike vocabulary can't hide that devilish motive
And for as much as you lie, you are one awful liar
That angel light of yours can't blind me anymore
I have a special pair of sunglasses now
They block out all the repugnant **** from sight

I didn't REALLY lose you.

The reality of it is, I never really held a single piece of you,
but you possessed my entire heart.