unique and divergent
unearthing the curses
i am to be studied
omnipresent burdens
burning at both ends, keep working
keep hurting, keep turning
the pages of the holy book
hoping nobody looks
when a single tear spills down my cheek
florescent fish flustered by the hook

roundabouts, talking downtown
sought you out, now you are within my claws now
like a mouse to a cat, mice to a trap
loveless until that night
where you spread my legs like butter and treated me better
than any other
where you didn't stutter when you get bare with me under the covers
not a facade, not so bleak
not what I am used to, no more dead-end streets
fruitful summer romances I never got to reap
the benefits of, entangled love
these rose coloured glasses I will never take off
the red flags waving like China
But I can't give you up because I like you, kinda

venom meets venoms
neon blood moon
pray to the raven for bonhommes like you
cold hands meet in crowded rooms
firework sparks lighting up truth
graceful unable to be so far removed
cuddle up into my thoughts of you
the essence, my dependence
it is all about you

I am amorphous like water
Bond to whatever environment I am in
Mutable and lovely like your daughter
with the faintest tint of red in my hair and cheeks
Who am I?
simply a chameleon coat changing colors to match the vibe
Who am I?
A polished diamond to reflect back all the lies
Every pair of eyes, I reflect back on their biggest insecurities
Blame me for being a mirrorball, wish I could be a fly on the wall.
It is scary how daring I have become
It is scary how I am scared of no one
Not even the flames of my mother's rage can melt my icy disposition
Not even the endless cycle of nights and days can fray my imagination
Who am I?
Simply a passing moment entrenched in your brain
Who am I?
Just a chameleon coat
The true essence unknown

jumping to conclusions like a frog
drinking your delusions with ciroc
drowning down all the clinging thoughts
ribbons tightening, dreams frightening
swimming through the blinding fog

my arms around your architecture
swimming spotted salamander
my whimpering whispers fill your ear
your emblazoned enigma bring here
cupid, bullseye
apple of my eye, you’re mine
cupid, bullseye
apple of my eye, you’re mine

no pressing crushes, no bruises to poke
losing autonomy, stuck on cruise control
hold me so I can feel something
no blessings are approaching, no stress is revoked
I choke on my sweet words, I am afraid of being hurt
worked until I was blind
numbed until I was fine
pressing buttons, I tried
to get a reaction, to prove our chemistry
to get a response, to prove you needed me
but you didn't
now it has ruined me

A rose's beauty is highlighted by the pain of its thorns
without the needle *****, the softness of the petals couldn't be as rich
sharp enough to make sure, you never miss
handle her, hurt her, disturb her
Squeeze onto her so tight, break then curve her
meanwhile, she was doing everything right, you thought you owned her
but being enamored doesn't translate to possession
possessive obsession, your toxicity closed her
to the world, to the void in which she internalized
all the subsequent shortcomings can be traced to the day
you decided to villainize, the sweetness of a budding romance
the natural pull
insatiable lust
unimaginable thrill
but now that landscape is draped in shame and tucked away
the rose grew thorns because she saw how the other flowers were destroyed
hardening of the skin in an effort to contain joy
the innocence of a child, the truth of a smile
the words echo through her mind
"don't trust a boy"

What if we weren't meant to be
But I was meant to see
That with you I could never be happy
Or fulfilled, just cheap thrills
To fill the void I need to fill
Alone not in company
Alone; just me
The mirror you are is much appreciated
It showed me my beauty and demons
An honest reflection produced reflection
Then fumbled into introspection
Then I suddenly realized the blessing
That your lack of clarity brought me true clarity
Clairvoyant, my third eye open and anointed
My energy focused and pointed
My trajectory in the world forever changed
That's why I can say I love my karmic to this day
I accept the pain because of the gain

i never second guess its omnipresence
but i do underestimate its lack of reverence
rendered second fiddle to my own body
my own mind, bubbling up inside
i should never second guess its power
thought i was built strong, that i would tower
until it broke me down like salt in water
like a fish out of water
gasping for my life, except theres no threat to see
silence is deafening, voices whispering
ribbons undoing, time i keep losing
i should never second guess its control
simply riding the monstrous waves as they come
i finally learned to swim, the first couple years nearly did me in
hide in shadows and caves, played the mind games
and i lost
tried to scale the waves
and i lost
i keep losing
anxiety keeps brewing
a fresh *** daily like your favourite brewery
pretty till broken like jewelry
imprison by my own cells
lacking in unity

my smile is louder than its ever been
the storms in my eyes has never been this
quiet
entrenched violence; reduced tiredness

Chaos brews within me and you
We select vices and sometimes we don't choose
We find individual ways to play by Society's rules
Whether it's a joint, a shot or a juul
Whether it's serial loving, fear of trusting or mindless thrusting
We attack and belittle to increase our ego
I jump into ***** waters hoping to be the hero
But if you can't save yourself then who can you save
Constantly giving away the colours you should use to paint
The sky, the stars and the lines that drive us apart
The ingrained hatred we spew without ever thinking it through
Instead of breaking each other's hearts and playing like dolls
We could build up protection and evolve

walking on air in my bedroom
so far from the pain and residue
scrubbed and rubbed myself down to the bone
retired; regrouped and ascent the throne
rose glasses on with a visionary mind
pearly whites to hide the pain inside
solid front for a processing machine underneath my skin
estimated time of recovery in two months
just gotta embrace the mourning until the morning
wipe the tears and conquer my fears
rest and repeat, don't forget to eat, rest and repeat

land of untold stories
where our half baked entanglement resides
there are no roses on its graveside
just poppies, remembrance in our minds
our muted mouths invisiblize those nights

my thoughts are tangled like your hair
flashbacks of that euphoric night at the fair
spilling out our guts underneath the setting sun
oranges, pinks, and violets fill the sky
your diction tickles my mind
underneath the violet skies and your arm around me tight
a dream, never thought I would wake up
but then I did and the ground I hit hard
but then you did everything you knew would rip us apart
I tried to stitch and mend the pieces
I tried to pitch new ideas
I tried to rip my own heart so you could finally feel again
but we will never feel again, the way we felt
the cards are dealt, this is the end of us
never liked to say goodbye but you were never mine
just two ships that crossed underneath the setting sun that night

without a doubt
i should be walking out
all the images we painted
are embers on the ground
without a doubt
we can bow out
the best performances around
ephemeral frowns

causes to cry for
underwhelmed and unsure
kept option open but what for?
my ego is bruised and buried
the fruits of my labour vary
some are prey to predators
some merely didn’t deliver
i should’ve invested in my vigor
not invested in my triggers
causes to try for

pretty eyes and endearing posture
a white dove following a ****** vulture
sweet and tender
no one better
pretty lips that i intend to kiss
for hours and hours, decades of flowers
sweet and tender
nobody better
pretty hands that grip my skin
wrap around my body like a ribbon
sweet and tender
no timeline better
pretty person, pretty words
i will work to earn your smirk

ride the disco horse into never-land
sparkling, shining
do you understand?
power is birthed from these hands
alchemy is all you have
so cut, chop, slice
push, pull, fight
your way up that mountain to gain wider sight
the disco horse responds to your light

Conceiving anew, Gaia
Waiting for you, Messiah
I have ideas swirling in my mind that I give birth to life
Nurse these creations until they live in my life
Or lives of many these burdens no longer heavy
My babies saving me whenever I slip
My babies keeping me sane during trips
To the night of the dark soul to recover my shattered pieces
Take these fragments to the sea
To inner peace the blending of all my energies
So I can co-create life for my sake because both halves are mine to take
I am the seed and the nourishment
I can create anything without interference
Not one or the other but a combination which is better
The ying and yang both blended together
Inside of me and my soul, I speak
My speech no longer riddled with insecurities
Throat chakra open and my knowledge devoted
To seeing the world change
In Gaia's name

inadequately explained
the wounds engraved
the body that rests here, that lays
he was flushed with florescence
flowered with effervescence
resting under a grey grave
he lays immersed in the earth
a shallow grave for a heart of hearth
i can still see his orange shirt
the clouds cry out grey