The distance
and the darkness,
the absence
and the silence,
is too much for me to bear.
I miss you.

my love for you has evolved-
it doesn’t tear me apart
anymore
or leave me lonely,
but it doesn’t make for
great company either.

I find that we poets have
a quiet desperation to write
that keeps us hanging onto life.

Ugly thoughts
and ugly habits
on a Wednesday night.
I’m out of *** and
have an early start tomorrow.
It's just me, my pen and
these thoughts now.  
****...

You're so far away.
Are you even listening
To these words I
write for you?
Oh, so far away,
these messages in a bottle
are surely lost at sea.
Are you even out there?
I'm still lost and
alone and I
need you.

I haven't heard
from you in a while,
and even though you
broke my heart last night
I'm still glad you
took the time
to talk to me
again.

I forgot how
we found each other-
all I know is that since then,
I've been feeling a lot less lost
and a lot less empty.

It's been a while
since the last time
I dreamed of
you and I.

Drunk again
on a Saturday night,
reminiscing about the
memories of a life I thought
I had forgotten
long ago.

Don't be my regret,
be my only memory
and my only love

9:20 PM
16/11/19

All these drinks bring back
memories of all that I
would like to forget

9:59 PM
14/11/19

You know,
I don’t blame you.
And how could I blame you,
when it was me?
I get it, I'm not the easiest
person to be around,
let alone love.  
I admire you for trying-
it must have been exhausting.
But that's okay,
I don't mind being alone-
maybe I'm the only company
that can tolerate me.

All too often can I
count with one hand,
the number of those
who care to ask-
"How are you?"
And much lesser of those
who honestly want to
hear my answer.

I don't know how much
you had to drink but I know
you were completely out of your senses.
I couldn't quite make out the words,
but I guess even then,
it felt good to hear some affection.
Oh, how terse the mind is deceived
so easily by the false mask
of a bottle of ***.

It is so easy to think
that you’re never going
to find someone like him-
until you find someone better.
It is so easy to think things
will never be like before
Until they are.
It is too easy to think
we’ll never get that fairy-tale love-
that happily ever after just like
they have in the movies-
until one one day we find it.
But you’re not at the end
of your story yet-
just remember that the
happily ever after is always
at the end.

We shared
brussels sprouts
and a magic like no other-
a magic that I haven't found since.

How can I make you
love the emptiness inside
of me once again?

8:53 PM
7/11/19

Perhaps I needed
a friend like me-
to save me from myself.
But all I got instead
was a foe like me-
to **** me to myself.

Seldom in life do I come across
people I can be myself around.
Most of the time I feel like
I have to put on a show
to get through the day,
to get through life.
But sometimes you find
someone who can read your soul
as if it were their favorite poem.
It's with people like this you can be honest,
without the judgement and the fear
that they'll think less of you.
Oh, how rare they are-
so rare that you can
mistake it for love.

"It’s good to be alone,"
I say to myself
most nights.
But there comes
a point where
the cold gives in to
the warmth,
and god,
does the
loneliness hit.

The problem isn't you,
in fact, there's nothing
wrong with you.
Stop blaming yourself
for things that others did
or things you could not control.
Do not question your worth
by the way others treat you
or making comparisons.
Do not second guess yourself
just because others choose to leave
or because they choose to lie.
You are doing well,
do not doubt yourself.

All I want for Christmas is you,
bent over the kitchen table...
with a knife in your back,
you ******* tyrant.

I am broken,
Je suis cassé,
Estoy roto,
Ich bin kaputt,
Sono a pezzi,
and there is not a word
nor a language that
can describe this
long, lost feeling.

It’s been awhile
since I last heard your voice.
I miss the way it soothed
every atom in my body.
It’s been awhile
since I last felt your touch
I miss the way it healed
me to the core of my soul.

I too am human
and I too feel emotions-
do you understand?

7:04 PM
30/10/19

We don't have much time,
so spend it with someone who
wants to give you theirs.

11:05 PM
29/10/19

Some nights I
think about dragging
myself back to Hell,
and then I think
maybe it's best
to let go.

I want to know
if that Moroccan cat
is doing better than I am.
I really hope so.
I hope he has found a home,
and a love like no other.
I hope that cat
is happy now.

Every time you
think about if he
is thinking about you-
you are letting
him win.

I want to make that journey
from your knees to
your hips again-
it was always my favorite route.
Soft plains,
colored of oats,
and each road
I know like the back of my hand.
With my destination in sight,
it's getting more humid
by the inch.
Hotter,
wetter,
hotter,
wetter.

The night is young,
the night is ours.
Hand in hand,
we'll steal the stars
and all the lonely sunflowers
with no sun to face.

We loved in technicolor!
Your words, your laugh,
your smile and your soul
painting my life in colors
I never knew existed.
And then you left,
and the colors faded fast-
leaving me in a
grayscale gaze.

Your laugh
still echoes in
my mind,
my dreams,
and that's the
saddest part of all.

Tragically and tenderly-
It's the only way I knew how
to love you.

I fed the wolf too well
and now the beast barely
fits its sheep's clothing.
And now, the wolf must
hunt again to satisfy
its darker side.

Let them leave-
it doesn't matter.
If life is temporary,
how can they be permanent?
Nothing really lasts so
strap yourself in and
enjoy the ride.

It's never the right time
for us,
and since there is more us-
not now, not ever,
I will cherish 'us'
from our past
and from my dreams.
I will cherish 'us'
with my poetry,
and with the photographs
I still have scattered
in the shadows.

In all honesty,
I didn't like how it ended.
I tried convincing myself
that is was okay,
but it was never okay,
and it never will be.
But that doesn't mean
I wish it never happened.
I'm glad it did-
I needed it to,
and as much as I
wish to rewrite the ending,
I know I wouldn't be the person
I am today if it had
happened differently.

During this winter,
all I wanted was the warmth
of someone to love

7:31 PM
18/10/19

I can’t believe you-
I can’t believe those words came
straight out of your mouth

10:33 AM
6/10/19

Agra-
city of love-
but without you,
it’s like separating
the Taj Mahal
from this
lovely
land

When some days
are not so bad as others
but you’re still drinking
and miserable.
the inching hatred
of who you are
but not what you’ve done-
that’s depression.

Can the aura of
this dream linger with me for
a little longer?

11:25 AM
7/10/19

My eyes still weep for
those memories lost to a
warm and distant past

7:22 PM
16/10/19

Three years already?
Ha!
Where did all
that time go?
And why do I feel so
empty?

Sometimes I think I’m
not capable of feeling
the thing you call love

7:13 PM
16/10/19

Nothing is quite so
heavy as the unsaid words
between you and I

12:06 AM
30/9/19

She grazed my eyes
with an arrow set to stun.
She put another through my soul
and I fell hard, so very hard.
The next one is for my heart
and I am helpless to her
fatal shot.

She was beautiful,
but not like those girls on TV.
She was beautiful,
for the way she thought.
for the way her eyes
twinkled when she talked
about anything she loved.
She was beautiful,
for the way she made me
smile like no other could.
She wasn't beautiful for her material self,
she was beautiful right down the soul.

Can the human mind
figure out the human brain?
Let's think about it

11:01 PM
28/9/19