All my life I was breathing in the poison air of self-judgement.
The kind that sticks to heart and aura,
bringing heartache in my journey.
Within my intake breath,
judgment of being stupid lodged, causing others to agree.
Within my out take breath,
judgement of not being pretty lodged, as others agreed.
In childhood insecurities plagued, as many teased and touched.
In adolescence fears plagued, as others kept their distance.
In adulthood, I gave my power away, and others took it.
Until light came into self to awake inside heart.
Until heart showed my true divine self.
Now I breathe in clean air celebrating
connected to source energy.
Now I love myself to feel free at last.
Forgive me that I stare,
Tis something I couldn't resist.
Tis not just for your beauty,
But for how you hold your smile.
A smile to you seems so precious;
That you only give to those you trust.
The face you so much hid away;
To avoid any eye contact.
Tis not just the beauty I see in you,
Whether its innocence or a deep concealed darkness;
That I do not know.
Oh how I wish I can know.
You let out a low vibe around you,
Whether shy or sad;
That is your aura.
But confidence was always kept within.
You turned your head down,
I can tell those you judge,
I sense fear.
I roam from here to there
Until i’m everywhere
Dancing in the graveyard of my past
And cracking the bones of our memories
Beneath my nimble feet.
I dance until my soul is dust in the wind
And travels across bodies of blues,
As purple women swim nude
Before my eyes.
Their energy morphs into beams of light,
Until all that’s left is the fantastical flame
That allows me to channel the beauty
between the connection and separation
That burn beneath me
As I dance into a continuum of an infinite evening,
Draining my body,
Falling to my knees and praying for Death…
We are familiar friends.
Boney fingers grasp the curves of my waist
As the silence is our music;
We waltz for centuries in this one moment
And I watch history unfold
before the purest lense of perception;
A kaleidoscope of fear and love,
Like two opposing warriors holding hands
And sharing secrets.
Death clothes me in invisibility
And whispers through my translucency
of purple faces,
And the sky beneath us bursts into red flames,
Where i dip my toes into the extreme heat
Of everything that i am in this life.
The fire consumes my existence,
And I wake up in a cold sweat
Covered in the salivation of my dream,
Spat out by the portal of mystical entrance.
I’ve never been the same.
So I always dance;
And thanking Death, swimming in his dark nebulous,
The only thing that shades me from the blinding sun,
And I await the universe to kiss my eyes
And release me from this endless wander
In a world so ambiguous.
Clutched her hand, in mine
Brushed her index, with my thumb
and finally the stupidity became words
Have been in this world for long,
I want a world of my own
Would you be that?
Would you be that?
I knew before
The question still lingers,
in the aura of the silence
in the beauty of the moment
in the warmth of her touch
Sheepishly she snapped,
what if, I accept
Our story 'll be,
just another one of thousands
it 'll be one of the thousands
it 'll be the only one in my world.
Entangled in herself,
Beaming in her past,
the one glaze she passed
made the answer quite clear, yet
The question still lingers,
in the aura of her silence
in the beauty of the moment
in the warmth of her touch.
Being normal is so overrated
Everyone's in pain everyone is jaded
The realm of creativity
Is the place to be
Flowing and feeling the energy
Dispense your sixth sense
If your third eye is blind
You have to open your mind
To the channels we have inside
That connect with the universe and combine
Our thoughts and our words into something divine
I promise normalcy is a sickness
Do you feel your aura?
If there's a thickness
Then you need to clean it out
Speak with a whisper, there's no need to shout
It clogs your soul
And you need to know
How to let go
Of whats not really you
Deprogram yourself, become brand new
Wipe off what society has done
Face your problems, don't just run
Step out of the shadows and into the sun
Feel yourself and close your eyes
Feel your energy and become more wise
Free yourself for just a moment of your time
Just sit still, stop trying to climb
This present moment is all that is real
No past, no future, no time, no wheel
When I say everything is an illusion it's not an exaggeration
We create what we want with our imagination
If that's the truth, what reality are you making
Are you being true to yourself or are you just faking
The paranormal is more real than what we see
Not believing institutional lies is the key
Be true to who you are
Show off your love and show off your scars
Your clothes are worthless and so are your cars
The realest you is made of pure light
And it flickers and dims when you're trying to fight
No need to resist
Put down your fist
Open yourself to what's all around
Pull yourself up off the ground
Nothing is against you but your own self
Become the books on the library shelf
Full of perspective, depth, and knowledge
Don't be programmed by a government run college
Think for yourself and don't stop growing
Expand as big as the galaxy and don't stop flowing
You're the micro of the macro, which is the universe
Save the world, but take care of you first
You can't save anything when you're drowning in doubt
Your soul knows something is wrong that's why it's trying to shout
It's telling you that what you're doing needs change
Don't you realize you're feeling a little bit strange?
Take accountability for your co-creation
What you're seeing right now is of your own manifestation
You're not a victim, you're actually in charge
If you don't like how you're feeling then open your arms
Give yourself a hug and stop all the hate
Love is always the answer, it's not a debate
Love yourself, the world, and everything around
528 hertz is the life changing sound
The vibration which is the frequency of love
Feel it, embody it, wear it like a glove
Magic happens when you're totally in tune
Come sit with me beneath the moon
We will make a new intention and set it in motion
Make waves of change in this consciousness ocean
Find love within and stay unique
This society wants to mold you and make you weak
Protest them by knowing your soul
That's the most potent power you'll ever know
I’ve never been one to stop and look at the clouds
Until you became the sun that rises and shines behind
You never know that you’re missing something until you find it
Anxiety pulls at my attention but it’s you that steals my mind
I see you in the atomic ribbing of strawberries
So humbly sweet although having every reason to be boastful
I smell you in the subtle mist of coconuts
Delicate and dainty but so alluring that I crave a nose full
Your eyes tell a million stories with every blink
I could read them like an English major’s passion
I see a lot of you in my reflection
I could wear everyone else’s smile but that’s not my sense of fashion
The words slip my grip when trying to describe this sense of déjà vu
I get a familiar fulfillment every time our eyes lock
Consume me with your aura and devour me with your vibe
There’s no limit to us when we’ve once lived off the clock
Your stars glimmers
Exposing my ethnic aura
A tape of heavenly bliss
The acoustic rhythm
Tracked traces covered
Your tree branching out
Railing through my bark
My bosoms blossoming
Tip-toe to my bareness
Your entirely arousing
A summation of beauty
A firefly to enlighten
Encased within to liven
A body I hold twinkles
Whistle magnetic presence
Sprinkle my mind to entwine
Assign your soul peacefully
A might, a light at sight
A whole in me,a one in you
In dreamscapes and reality
There is one time
a discovery hit me
It was as clear as day
when there was no way
it could easily by me, sway
My posture straightened
and my senses heightened
"why didn't I do this before?"
Oh, because I always saw it as a chore
But what defines a task
when all you've done was remove the cast
that was rotting your insides
piece by piece watching your aura subside
When all you had to do
was give your routine a cocktail shake
by being as unique as a snowflake
By posing those thoughts
naked and raw
with all their flaws
It's just as simple as the verb "be"
with all its complexities
making it even more
“Decolonize your mind before you become a new black slave.” He whispered to me before pushing one of his dreads behind his ear and grinning wildly at my perplexed expression. I lowered the straightener and stared at him for a while – I had loved him because of the way he was self-assured, it never faltered and I knew an explanation would follow as I leaned forward, raising an eyebrow, questioning him.
“You know you’re a queen right?” He continued, interrupting my train of thought, while turning off the straightener at the plug point.
“Ja, I know.” I answered blatantly.
“ Then decolonize your mind.” He shouted before thrusting his hands into the sky and exiting my room. I think he knew I would figure it out for myself because as I stared at the straightener on my desk- it clicked. The statement vibrated in the very depths of my soul and an untapped reserve of energy was suddenly channelled into my aura. I could feel my ancestors, I could hear their cries, I could feel the weight of shackles, I could feel a whip, I could feel resentment, I could feel hatred, I could feel the power of a God who didn’t look like me, I could feel my peoples names that were written out of history books, I could taste blood in my mouth, I could feel blood on the cotton, I could feel what it meant to be black.
It was an epiphany, induced both by drink as well as the stench of my burnt hair. The epiphany spoke to me, reminding me that who I am was holy. That black was undeniably beautiful and not in the clichéd way that I learnt of in history when people averted their eyes, avoiding discomfort presented in an unacknowledged truth. It was in earnest, that I realised that my melanin was paramount to a glorious dynasty that I was privileged enough to be a part of. I would wear my ancestry daily and no longer shy away from the truth of my being. I am sun kissed, I am regal, I am Cleopatra, I am King Shaka, I am the soil and the trees and everything that matters in this universe, I am a closed fist lifted in a rally where mercy has intersected rage, resulting in non-violence.
The only violence that is accepted is that which vehemently opposes the status quo that my people are not good enough. That is what was meant when he told me to decolonize my mind.
“ You will be villianized in your pursuit for emancipation because the margin of melanin present in our people will always render you a slave so choose now what you will subscribe to. “ and I made a decision, standing upon the raw backs of my ancestors- I chose a discarded truth and the truth is this- I am art. We, are art and art cannot be subjugated or castrated by a close minded agenda, set by people who have never bothered to understand you nor will they ever begin to.
I am a poem that breathes and speaks and therefor has no choice but to be remembered. I will be etched into the minds of people who would rather forget me. I will be written down in history books next to men who would rather deny my existence.
In that moment, in my epiphany, I began to wade barefoot through my soul. I began to find pieces of myself I didn’t know where lost – and is that not courage in itself? Finding the corpse of your soul, buried beneath a cruel, mercilessly pale agenda?
Is speaking the truth not brave?
So I set down the straightener, and began to live.