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Last night I dreamed a poem
I've never read before.
I guess you could say I wrote it,
Yet it left me wanting more.

Something about American Dreams...
About how nothing is as it seems...
Something about the city lights...
Something about our human rights...

I had scrawled it on the pavement
With a giant pencil in hand.
So all the world could know my intent
When first stepping into this land.

This morning I woke inspired,
I was ready, so ready to share!
I looked out the window and saw what transpired,
And now I do not dare.

They've stomped all over the pavement.
The roads are awash with blood.
There's screaming and crying.
My people are dying.
Their tears make a violent flood.

I don't care WHO you are!
On the left, the right,
You can't justify this ****** night
With words that defend without being contrite.
Have you no shame?
You cast your blame
Around you, as if we're not the same!
We are all Brothers and Sisters in Life.
By God on High, you ALL caused this strife.
And your wicked words are a double-edged knife!
In damning others you **** yourselves,
You're shouting so loud you can't hear the bell
It's tolling, extolling the end of our days!
But you're too steeped in hatred to hear what it says.

My poem is still as shapeless
As it was in the dream last night.
In my sorrow-blurred vision I see just one line:
"Please don't fight".
Dec 2020 · 371
A Give and Take
Corrinne Shadow Dec 2020
I craft my love
From words and dreams,
Forgotten, bygone memories.
And of this life, Real Love knows not.
I am to him a Time Forgot.
He left me picking pieces, changed
He lives in my mind, I lie deranged
Sobbing and writing all over the floor
You left too soon, Love. I need more.
I resurrect you from the dead
And spill my heart to the you in my head.

So I wrote you
But perilously;
For you, in your brilliance,
Unwrite me.
Dec 2020 · 234
Corrinne Shadow Dec 2020
Why do I only dream of summer
When snow covers the ground?
Why do I only long for spring buds
When the first fallen leaf is found?

Why, while I lie in the sweltering heat
Do my thoughts turn to crisp candy canes, oh so sweet?

I can only enjoy the season
That is opposite to mine own;
If I am in warmth I am boiling,
If cold, I am chilled to the bone.
I need to learn to be a bit more grateful I think.
Nov 2020 · 352
Corrinne Shadow Nov 2020
Listen to my words.
They're harsh
And pained
And wild.

Listen to my cry,
The tears
Of a broken child.

But don't forget,
My friend,
That I can listen too.

I see your lonely words,
And I'm here
For you.
So many poems are cries for help disguised as art. I know what it's like. Don't give up. <3
Nov 2020 · 131
Don't Talk To Me
Corrinne Shadow Nov 2020
Don't talk to me about your love,
I've never seen a drop of it.
Don't talk to me about the climb,
I'll never reach the top of it.
Don't talk to me about the flowers
You've been prattling on for ****** hours!
Don't talk to me as if I don't know
That "rain will make the flowers grow".

Don't talk to me about your dance
I don't even have a dress.
Don't talk to me about your friends
I beg of you, give it a rest!
Don't talk to me about the sky
Mine has only ever been gray.
And if you try to talk about "healing"
I'll MAKE you go away!

This whole world that you create,
It's gorgeous, I must say it's great:
A beautiful cake on a pretty plate.
Welp, guess that means I'm second-rate!
Your poems are all meant to titillate
You titter and twitter and domesticate
These themes that even optimists could hate
I'll never be able to felicitate
You enough for the work that you narrate.
My morbid tones you must negate,
And to fix my soul: eviscerate!
You all are fine but some douchette will not shut up about how morbid and dreary my poems are. I regret ever having shown her.
Nov 2020 · 164
Two Hearts
Corrinne Shadow Nov 2020
Two hearts bound,
Twining round
A thorny vine.
It's yours and mine.

Two hearts bleed.
My guilt, your greed.
You took away
My yesterday.

Two hearts kiss.
You longed for this.
I stood my ground.
Now we are bound.
Why are only the morbid poems natural to me? If I try to write something happy it just seems forced.
Nov 2020 · 307
White Winter
Corrinne Shadow Nov 2020
And then White Winter fell,

The haunting breath of fall to quell.

The light’s last gleam, so soft and bright,

Was shattered on that frigid night.

She prayed that it might be alright,

But then white winter fell.
Oct 2020 · 234
Corrinne Shadow Oct 2020
Water whispers, froths and bubbles.
Tiny bodies swim in doubles,
Schooling along the edge of their world
Where the fish tank ends.

A panting tongue creates a mist;
Soft golden fur, tail in a twist,
Barking at the outside world
Where the window ends.

Poised and tense, smooth muscles coil
Whiskers twitch with internal turmoil
To track a leaf beyond her world
Where the sliding door ends.

Dreary shivers, dark and damp,
God's distant voice my only lamp.
I can only gape at the mad, mad world
Where my glass cage ends.
I'm supposed to be doing French but I felt contemplative.
Aug 2020 · 417
Dear Past Self
Corrinne Shadow Aug 2020
Dear Past Self,
We're in the same boat.
You worked hard
To keep us afloat.
What if I
Put your work to waste?
My blood is
All that I can taste.

Dear Past Me,
We're in the same boat.
You rowed far.
You kept us afloat.
I won't fail,
Won't bow to the knife.
I owe you
The rest of my life.
I feel like I use knife/life a lot but it's a good rhyme idk. I owe Little Rin a long life, and I'll do my best to protect it.
Jul 2020 · 124
Corrinne Shadow Jul 2020
Hello, I suffer from a rare disease.
This malady brings me to my knees.
It isn't commonly viewed as a curse,
But right now I couldn't possibly feel worse.
I hear a line in my head and then
My body is filled with adrenaline.
I have to sit up and write it out
Or else it'll rip my soul from without.
I'm spitting rhymes like it's out of style.
I think I'm gonna be here for a while.
It's 3:33 and I'm still awake.
Inspiration, please, give me a break!
Jul 2020 · 245
The Heart of Athens
Corrinne Shadow Jul 2020
I dare not scratch the surface Plato itched,
For fear I'd break my fingers on the stone.
My faculties in circles whirl around,
Which metaphor Aristotle would bemoan.

My femininity is undenied
And thus my musings, when they first began,
Would be utterly rejected, undeniably rebuked,
By one featherless bipedal man.

The History that gulped Atlantis down
Into its sunken depths, has made a grave
For all free thinkers, locked by secret PINs.
Philosophy, no more, these souls can save.

I carry naught but spades in both my hands,
Seeking to unearth artful thought's tomb.
Labor-sweat pours down, yet I am left to merely mourn
The heartbeat ne'er since heard from Athen's womb.
I wonder why all the famous men and women of our modern day are all scientists and inventors. Philosophy is such a beautiful art form and should be valued for more than just a degree that will allow you to be a philosophy professor.
Jul 2020 · 667
Into Her Fur
Corrinne Shadow Jul 2020
The tears slide down my cheeks.
It's been a rough few weeks.
I try to rise, to move, to stir;
But all I can do is cry
Into her fur.

Her tail flicks over my arm.
It stings from fresh self harm.
I sob in tandem with her purr
'cause all I can do is cry
Into her fur.

Her rough tongue scratches my nail.
I stifle a broken wail.
My vision's nothing but a blur,
Since all I can do is cry
Into her fur.

I cannot surmount my situation.
I'm fighting a war above my station.
Perhaps someday some change I'll spur.
Till then, I only cry
Into her fur.
Jun 2020 · 224
Heart of Soap
Corrinne Shadow Jun 2020
You've heard of a 'heart of glass'.
Well, mine is made of soap.
Careless hands can gut it.
Your fingernails will cut it.
You lay upon me all your grimy guilt,
Then leave me here, unrinsed, with all your filth.
I numb 99% of my own pain,
So the 1% can come eat me up again.
I'll cover you, My Dear, in soft, safe bubbles;
Neglect my own, but listen to your troubles.
Jun 2020 · 95
Corrinne Shadow Jun 2020
Be intentional in all things.

The moment you succumb to thoughtlessness
Is the moment you embrace your doom.
Jun 2020 · 225
She Wasn't
Corrinne Shadow Jun 2020
She wasn't particularly pretty,
Just a plain, average girl in high school.
She wasn't particularly brilliant,
Though no one would call her a fool.

She wasn't very athletic,
Preferring to sit in the shade.
She wasn't very artistic;
Her drawings were all left unpraised.

But she wasn't going to block out the cry:
That though childhood may have been tough,
She must stop defining herself by her "wasn't",
And learn, what she was, was enough.
I am broken, but I am enough.
Jun 2020 · 167
On Communication
Corrinne Shadow Jun 2020
I will take the truth from your lips
And kiss the pain out of it,
Till all that remains
Is our happy little lie.

I will take the love in your gift
And throw away the wrapping bit,
Revealing the gains:
Our happy little life.
Not sure what this means but it sounded nice in my head.
May 2020 · 173
My Real Name
Corrinne Shadow May 2020
My real name begins
With an L.
I called myself
But my real name
Is none of those words.
More like
My real name begins
With the sound
Of paper erupting in flame.
After all of these years,
I have finally found
That "Lonely" is my real name.
May 2020 · 112
Status Update
Corrinne Shadow May 2020
By the way,
I'm still alive!
And nothing happened.
A friend came by
She said hi
And saw my face all blackened
Like thunder in the desert,
I went hot-cold-BOOM!
All over
Just the two of us in my room.
"So everything's okay, right?"
For another day, I guess.
I had a good appointment with my
Though this still presents a problem,
I can lay my head and rest.
Remembering that there will be
A new day coming.
Feeling a little more hopeful today. Sorry I talk about suicide and self harm so much. It's a hard knock life...
May 2020 · 267
Back and Forth
Corrinne Shadow May 2020
Back and Forth.
My mood bounced up!
My mood crashed down.
The knife
Went back and forth.
I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry
May 2020 · 71
Oh God
Corrinne Shadow May 2020
Spinning, writhing
Blithely whining
Out of control
Every day I grow older
And colder
And bolder
I paint the world red
With the blood of my Savior
I laugh and I waver
I beg you to save her
By "her" I mean Me!
Don't you see?
Don't you see?
I'm going insane here
Oh look--see the reindeer!
They're coming to take me away again!
Don't let them, oh Mommy I don't understand
I've been a good girl.
I did all that you said.
So why am I pointing a gun at my head?
And why do I itch to self mutilate?
And why am I filled with nothing but hate?
And why are my days filled with nothing but pain?

Oh God, I'm going insane.
May 2020 · 1.0k
Just Because
Corrinne Shadow May 2020
Right now, if you're feeling devoured by pain,
Remember that there was a drop of rain.
And because of this rain, a flower grows
And because of that flower, a girl's smile glows.
And because of that smile, a kiss is shared.
And because of that kiss, a bond is repaired.
And because of that bond, a new life comes to be.
And because of that life, this poem you see.
Because of this poem, I hope you feel warm
And know that I'm so very glad you were born.
In fact, I would love to come hug you, my Dear.
Please know that I'm so very glad that you're here. 💖
Today was a really good day. First good day in a long, long time. I hope you are well, and I wish you a wonderful day too. <3
May 2020 · 219
Corrinne Shadow May 2020
To be honest, I feel pretty broken inside
I live with a woman who’s out of her mind.
What’s right is wrong, what’s wrong is right,
The moon is the sun, the day is the night.

She screams and she shouts,
She wallows and pouts,
Her mockery’s vicious,
Her memories? Fictitious.

Nothing in life is as it would seem.
I wake up and feel like I’m still in a dream.
A nightmare of dreary existence, of pain,
Of suffering from the voices in my brain.

With her condescension she sends me reeling
Her temper takes hours, no, days in its healing.
She tells me I’m awful, ungrateful, I’m rude,
That I have to change my bad attitude…

I have not said a word.
But she still hasn’t heard.
I say nothing, I’m doomed.
If I speak I’m entombed.

My very existence just sets off a bomb.
Is this what you want?
Happy Mother’s Day, Mom.
I would call this poem "Happy Mother's Day" but I don't want people to click on it thinking it's something sweet.
Apr 2020 · 238
Corrinne Shadow Apr 2020
I just saw
That an old friend has disappeared.
I don't remember his name
Only his warmth.
I don't remember his face
Only his unfailing support.

He read what nobody else would read.
He saw the way my heart would bleed
And encouraged me deeply from afar.
I miss you, sir. Wherever you are.
One of the first writers who noticed me on this site must have deleted their account or something. I just found out and it made me sad, so I wrote a little tribute.
Apr 2020 · 239
A Time Before
Corrinne Shadow Apr 2020
Was there ever a time
Before PTSD?
Before self harm, depression,
And anxiety?

Was there ever a time
I was simply just me?
Where I was not defined
By my mental disease?

Was there ever a time?
I still can't quite believe
That I once was a girl
Who was light and carefree,
Who danced by the sea,
And buzzed with the bee,
Who sang so bright and melodiously
And shone for everyone 'round her to see.

There once was a time
Before PTSD.
And before my disorders: me.
Apr 2020 · 278
Corrinne Shadow Apr 2020
I wrote on my arms
And thighs
And neck
And stomach
And chest
And legs
Until the whole of me was covered in my feelings.
I could not speak a word
And so I wrote them.

Now I write on paper
On the canvas
On my nails
On the computer
On books
Until the whole of my life is reflecting my feelings.
I cannot speak a word
And so I write them.
5 months clean. Slowly I learned to channel my urges into healthier outlets. I still think about it a lot tho. Will it ever go away?
Apr 2020 · 216
Life's Work
Corrinne Shadow Apr 2020
My life's work is the wiggling leap
Of a soft little kitten, who lands in a heap.

My life's work is the hyper, swift lick
Of a rambunctious puppy who moves lightning quick.

My life's work is the smile of a friend,
Who I know will be with me till the bitter end.

My life's work is a high GPA;
Perseverance is how I got here today.

My life's work are these words that I write,
And the heartfelt confession, "you saved my life".

My life's work is nowhere near done.
I fell down, I got up, now I'm ready to run.
I volunteer at a place that helps people with mental issues (like National Suicide Hotline) and somebody told me that I saved their life. It really helped me pull myself back to a stabilized condition. Even though I still feel like **** and quarantine has been really hard, I'm pushing through it and appreciating the good that I do have
Mar 2020 · 165
Corrinne Shadow Mar 2020
For a ride,
I'll show you
My darker side.  

Mild flavor,
Sweet to savor,
Untouched lips:
A lady's favor.

Innocent though I may seem,
Never doubt the wicked gleam
That's only ever once been seen
By light of eerie moor moonbeam.
Corrinne Shadow Mar 2020
I'm really sorry but I have to die.
It's been fun,
I was nice and high,
But now that I've
Come crashing down,
There's no other option but to let the ground
Embrace me like a wretched worm.
I lit the match.
It's time to burn.
Mar 2020 · 76
Corrinne Shadow Mar 2020
A simple rhyme
A waste of time
An old cliché:
A sunny day.
Mar 2020 · 89
The Maid
Corrinne Shadow Mar 2020
While out on a walk with a seer,
The maid froze while on the first mile.
"This is not a good place to remember,"
She said with a nervous smile.
A fearsome crack
A cry of wrath
A bright red droplet on the path
"This is not a safe place to be stepping,"
The maid said, with a frightened glance.
"We had better run home and regroup, friend;
We shouldn't leave this to chance."
A cheshire grin
A shatt'ring cry
A nightmare socket with a bloodshot eye
"Now, now, dear seer!" I told her.
"Calm yourself, you seem so distressed!
Retreating would be a failure indeed,
To press onward would surely be best."
A vicious slice
A gushing flood
A vital veinage, sweet lifeblood
I quelled her fears and she followed,
Despite her persistent doubt.
"Honestly," I softly muttered
"There's nothing to be frightened about."
A lifeless maid
A slackjawed bride
A headless creature with arms splayed wide
We travelled deeper and deeper
Through the path into the dark wood
We travelled so far,  that if we were to shout
No creature would come if they could.
A loneliness
A fading light
A blackness like the dead of night
Here we stopped. "I need a rest,"
I said to her. She acquiesced.
She turned around. Such woe betide.
And so that foolish seer died.
With all her gifts
She could not see
That I was her true enemy.
My knife did slash.
And she did wail.
I grinned a grin.
I watched her flail.
I watched her fall
Down to the ground.
She made a scream,
Melodious sound!
My work was done.
Her head was gone.
In mine her song
Sung on and on.
I turned and left
That empty glade,
Where no one was
Except the maid.
Mar 2020 · 148
Corrinne Shadow Mar 2020
Where she failed, you will follow.
I know this is hard to swallow,
But you're gonna be just like her, don't you see?

And you never will escape it,
For you're doomed to recreate it,
And your daughters, too, scarred variants will be.

It's a petty, vicious cycle
Of young girls whose moms are ******,
Being terrified, but imitating well.

You say “I will see this war through”,
Like your mother did before you,
As you smile and perpetuate that Hell.

It would be better to save them,
Your children and your dear friends,
And your “Love”, if such a person truly lives.

Just give up and let the pain go.
You will grow up just the same, so
Might as well embrace the future that she gives.

You're a continuation, that's just how it is.
Mar 2020 · 282
Corrinne Shadow Mar 2020
So stressed,
No rest,
Rush here,
Such fear,
All rise,

One more week untill break... Dragging myself through every day
Mar 2020 · 256
It's so hard...
Corrinne Shadow Mar 2020
You and I
We have a tight connection.
When you appear
I run to my protection.
You beat me there
And beat me down, unbending.
My silent scream
A daily cross, unending.
If your life is made up of bad days, does that mean you have a bad life?
Feb 2020 · 57
Self Portrait
Corrinne Shadow Feb 2020
A big white girl in a ******* coat.
You've seen her on campus, black choker round her throat.
She pairs frilly dresses, twining flowers and roots
With a black leather trench coat and combat boots.
She smiles at the sky, at people passing by,
She smiles at her phone, she smiles on her own.
She walks by herself through every kind of weather
Though her smile fades a little when she sees people together.
She'll compliment your outfit, wave goodbye to every Prof,
She thanks the bus driver every time she gets off.
But often the sun is obscured in the skies
And the cloudy heavens are reflected in her eyes.
Her left eye closed
(Cause she's half blind, you know)
She walks, head down, through the rain and through the snow.
She stares out the window, eyelashes wet
Though the moisture in the air hasn't even touched her yet.
She's easily startled, if you see her this way
Her haunted appearance might dampen your day.
She makes adults wary, for all that they see
Is a failure of a freshman shooting for a PHD.
She lives in a bubble
Doesn't want any trouble
Goes to class and comes home,
Repeat it on the double!
Exhausted and worn, battered and bruised
Unwanted, unwelcome, unimportant, used.
Takes up too much space, a weird smell in your nose--
Her cat likes to make its mark on her clothes.
Nobody to talk to, "oh, bye, see you later"
She doesn't feel like she fits in an elevator.
The more that she thinks, the more scared she becomes
She's baring her soul to each beat of the drums.
Asthmatic, problematic, talks too much-- a bad tactic.
Overweight, overwhelmed, overburdened, overcast.
She's always late because she can't walk as fast.

A big white girl in a small green car.
She's sweet and intelligent,
She's gonna go far.
She's not giving up, she's still got hope.
It's been a little while since she tried on the rope.
So the big white girl shrugs on her black coat
And leaves you with the words that she wrote.
Feb 2020 · 392
Corrinne Shadow Feb 2020
The worst thing
About suffering
Is knowing
It's owing
To your caving;
You were craving
So you gave in
Now you're failing
And it's

Good morning.
Start mourning.
Feb 2020 · 148
Corrinne Shadow Feb 2020
A written message of misery, laid on a chair;
A breathless whisper mournful, bequeathed to still air.
The ghostly girl glanced 'round, with furtive grace;
And disappeared, as she had come, from that lonely place.

She, treading on her way, with sorrow stepped,
And hung her gentle head, and softly wept.
A pang of longing caused her form to quake;
Her hands clasped to her breast, to protect the heart she felt would break.

In that dark moment, grieving, she made her stand.
She imagined her loved ones beside her, holding her hand.
She swore she'd live to see them again someday,
And with that word of courage, continued on her lonely way.
Jan 2020 · 187
Hello Reader
Corrinne Shadow Jan 2020
And sad
You don't want to read anything else.

My poem
Is long or happy it stays on the shelf.
We like to write long poems, but do we have time to read them?
Jan 2020 · 297
The Veil
Corrinne Shadow Jan 2020
I wonder if, someday, our souls will meet
When we've been long gone from this Earthly plane.
To embrace, in harmony, where the air tastes ever sweet;
Where we are spared from every ill and pain.

I know our past encounters weren't the best;
We parted ways, heartbroken, with a sigh.
But if you slip, and then I too, into that peaceful rest,
Might we put our wounded tempers far behind?

I love you, though you've since forgotten me.
I sing it to the world with fearsome wail:
"My heart, t'was waste on deafened ears, on eyes that could not see
Past the emblem of obedience in the veil."
Dec 2019 · 129
Corrinne Shadow Dec 2019

Lightning flashes through the sky, but
Indigo flashes through my eye;
Exquisite beauty floods my every sense.

Trifling all my problems seem,
On reflection of that violet gleam;

My heart, to this beacon, makes its recompense.
Youthful steps, with springing haste
Swiftly dancing, delicate grace;
Enthralled in ecstasy, I float away.
List'ning to the honeyed melodies,
Forever I am lost unto the indigo breeze.
Dec 2019 · 365
Corrinne Shadow Dec 2019
"Tonight's not a good night to die," he whispers.
"There is never going to be a perfect night to die!" she cries.
"Exactly," he says, and he holds her close.
Dec 2019 · 84
Corrinne Shadow Dec 2019
'Tis the season moms go crazy
falalalala la la la la
Buying things for their "sweet baby"
falalalala la la la la
Hide we now from all the Karens
Falalalalala la la la
Target's flooded with screaming parents
Falalalala la la la la!!!
Dec 2019 · 133
Corrinne Shadow Dec 2019
You are a brilliant platinum giraffe.

Don't sell yourself short.
Corrinne Shadow Dec 2019
Like a cheese grater
In an elevator
My life is great on so many levels.

Now I stand, trapped
On an escalator
Will you approach my empty stair?
Very punny...
Dec 2019 · 208
Sweet Dreams
Corrinne Shadow Dec 2019
Reverberating off the kitchen walls
Little children scream and laugh and play.
They prance and pace in circles through the halls
And chase the dreary drip of tears away.

Their tiny hands created works of art
Hung proudly on the fridge for all to see.
A stick figure with pigtails and a little scarlet dress:
“That’s you, Mama!” she said, “And look, here’s me!”

Her whispered words would tickle Daddy’s ear.
“Your Majesty!” She bowed, with sweet doe eyes.
He melted at her feet as she drew near;
He scooped her up, and kissed his sweetest prize.

A sleepy fire flickers, soft and mild.
She yawns and lays to rest her tousled head.
Her mother smiles and hums a lullaby to seal the spell;
She's sleeping by the fire, but awakes snug in her bed.
I felt like posting something positive for once
Dec 2019 · 1.8k
When I Was Small
Corrinne Shadow Dec 2019
When I was small
I wrote a song.
It was as wild
As it was long.

I did not know
How to write words
And so I sang
With the morning birds.

Now I am grown,
I am depressed.
I write long things
Just to impress.

I do not sing,
I only sigh.
When I was small
I was alive.
Dec 2019 · 108
Corrinne Shadow Dec 2019
I’ve never felt like this before.
The blood that the weapon and the battle bore
Has splashed the walls and warped the floor,
But I’ve never felt like this before.

I’ve never breathed like this before.
My chest getting tighter at my heartbeat’s roar
And I’ve felt myself panic on anxiety’s shore,
But I’ve never breathed like this before.

I’ve never hurt like this before.
I’ve been battered and beaten as the barbs would gore
My frail little heart ‘till it beat no more,
But I’ve never hurt like this before.

I’ve never burned like this before.
The witchers with their torches tried to “settle the score”,
And I kept on burning  to the crowd’s “encore!”
But I’ve never burned like this before.

I’ve never been lonely like this before.
I’ve been abandoned, sure; thought that I was done for,
When I reached out to people and they slammed the door,
But I’ve never been lonely like this before.

I’ve never felt like this before.
The walls are closing in and I’m losing the war.
See my broken salute as I fight on, I’m trying!
But my courage is dying
And my smile is lying
All the tears that I’m crying
Are so subtly implying
Someone help me, please!
I don’t want to die alone
But all the sweet words that you give me only pile up on the throne
Of my broken wishes, of my long-gone home,
And at the end of the day, you won’t know how hard I tried,
But the world would still be better off if I-

’ve never felt like this before.
My first and favorite poem about mental health.
Dec 2019 · 167
Corrinne Shadow Dec 2019
I wanna give up and take my final bow;
I guess I just can't handle that
The only reason I'm alive right now
Is this cat.
Dec 2019 · 168
Ever After
Corrinne Shadow Dec 2019
Why are you always on my mind?
It’s been years since that summer.
Why do I live life as though I’m blind,
And look for you, my wayward brother?

I look north, to where I know you are
And hold myself ‘cause you wouldn’t do it.
I turn away; this anguish is too hard,
And shed a tear, whis’pring “I’ll get through it”.

I take a walk in the garden of our youth
And curse the days I stumbled ‘pon it,
If “I love you” was the truth,
It wouldn’t have shattered my soul to want it.

In the lonely, dark and frigid nights
You haunt my dreams like a ghost of laughter.
I wake sobbing and flick on the lights
To look around at my Emptily Ever After.
I hate that I still miss him.
Dec 2019 · 158
Broken Little Pieces
Corrinne Shadow Dec 2019
Day in,
Day out
She hides,
She'll pout.
She sobs,
I cry.
She threatens,
You die.
Swirling colors slash and dazzle
Black. White. Gray.
Scarlet letters fill my vision
“Leave me here to die alone,
I'll be better on my own.
You can't help”
But “You're to blame!”
“We're only worried”
“What's your name?”
“Not my friend, I don't care”
“She likes to make things up, I swear!”
“I'm invisible it's true”
“I'm this way because of you.”
“You haven't tried quite hard enough”
“I don't want you or your worthless love.”
“I'll never abandon you, my Dear”
Then tell me, Love, why you're not here?

Shove all the books inside my pack,
Shoulder the weight resting on my back.
But the heaviest thing, more than 35 pounds
Are the broken smiles and the secret frowns
That I'm forced to carry while I make my rounds.
The scars get deeper and new ones form.
Sometimes I wish that I'd never been born.
It's a heavy burden that I've tried to give away,
But nobody wants it, so mine it'll stay.
I would trade my soul for a few sweet words,
But so swiftly they disappear like judgmental birds
Always tweeting and beating at my self-respect,
Because I haven't gotten over all the cruel ones yet.
You'll never see the depth of my insecurity;
All the broken little pieces that make up a broken me.
Funny how the words that stay with you are the painful ones.

Also, 35 pounds is an ungainly number but, fun fact, it was the actual weight of my backpack in highschool.
Now I have permanent back problems, go figure. Use your lockers, kids.
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