Silence makes the demons come alive
In the silence they just thrive
So my house is never quiet
Some times it sounds like an all out riot
My tv is alway on
So my demons do not spawn

I already have to many
Three is more than plenty
If you're wondering how I know the count
I've seen them in my house walk about

If you wonder if I get scared
My aswers, no all my houses they've shared
Even my kids no longer worry about them
It's only me the seek to condemn

But when new folks spend the night
They seem to stay up till the morning light
I guess they don't have unearthly visitors
Because in the morning they become quite the inquisitors
Like how do you ever sleep, and don't they scare you
I sleep with the tv on, and only a few times they do

But I like it better when I can see them from my bed
It means their not messing up there in my head
For only when they walk my floors
They aren't in my mind opening doors
That should stay shut
Because those memories make me cut

They are devious little basterds
They know exactly what their after
And they've almost succeeded a few times
But I'm still here, alive, on that up hill climb
But one day they'll win
And with the fishes I'll swim

I have an unquiet mind
The gears up there just twirl and grind
It never stops it's wound up tight
Sometimes up there it's really bright
Thoughts unstoppable, and really intellectual
Other times my brain is just ineffectual

And all my thoughts quickly take fight
And then it turns dark as a moonless night
But even in the dark the gears still turn
It's just different thoughts that burn

It's terrifying then the one's you'll find
But sometimes the light and dark get all intwind
Then it is intelligent madness
Paints a gruesome picture on that grey matter canvas

But still the gears just strain and wind
All up here in my unquiet mind

Fried green beens
Whirl of the machines
Flashing lights
Squeals of delight
Games to win prizes
Drinks in all sizes
Pig and cow judging
Old friends hugging
Bands in the grandstand
Fried pickles at foodstand
Gator bites and gyros
Rides tossing to and fro
Cotton candy
Salt water taffy
Beer tents
Free events
Pies, canning and art
Contest to take part
Many concessionaire
Great old fashion state fair

The framed sign where I work says "smile it's time to be happy"
I see it every single day, it's so freaking sappy
I look at it in disgust
A simple sign that means so much

It reminds me of all I want, but can't obtain
Everyday it leaves me feeling a bit more drained
A bit more inhumane, a bit more broken
It's sad how it makes me feel, this simple token

Somedays I want to rip it off the wall
I'll just tell them it got broke in the fall
Other days I pray it will come true
Then I would be happy just like you

But still there it hangs
And every day it says the same
Made to endure it's mocking words
I know to others my rant seems so absurd

But in the belly of the beast it's impossible to smile
When drowning in all this bile

My birth certificate has expired
It's time to burn me in the fire
Send me off to the crematorium
My life is a moratorium

Crawled inside a whisky bottle
For I am no aristotle

This is my hiding spot for awail
There is no need for 911 to be dialed

I'm only trying to drown my misery
Surly that is plain to see

Please don't shake me out
I need my whisky stout

Let me stay In here for now
I'll find my own way out.....some how

I sit and listen to the crickets melancholy tune
I watch the moon start to bloom
The stars pirouette across the sky
Soon the frogs are croaking in relpy
Fireflies light up the night
Flickering their golden light

A single wolf starts to howl
As if to ask the age old question how
I ended up so lonely
And where's my one and only

My dog is sitting at me feet
She looks up at me as if to say, nothing here is off beat
In the cool of the evening
the honeysuckle is smelling much sweeter
Than in the day under the sun's heater

The moths flutter around on silent wings
My heart is so light it just sings
I just sit here for hours dreaming
Under the moon that now is just beaming

My dog gets up and moves to the door
I look at my watch it's way past four
She's ready for the foot of my comfy bed
So I oblige, and make my way inside,and lay down my weary head

Some people see me as a zero
But I'm a ******* hero

Everyday I survive
What would make other want to take a swan dive
Off the brige on 65

Everyday I survive
What would eat others up alive
In the chaos I thrive

Yes some people conceder that I'm a ******* zero
They can't see behind the mask that I'm a complicated hero

Everyday is a boulder
I must climb over
it all leaves me a little colder

Everyday is a boulder
Ment to roll me over
My life's a **** rollercoaster

Some people need to reconsider what makes someone a zero
Because everyday I fight to the end, plainly makes me a hero

When I die, and of this body I'm free
I want to become a Banshee
So I can warn when death is at your door
I'll love to scare you to the core
Because of the reaper you fear
For he's coming to whisper in you ear

I'll scream for all to hear
And of me you will also fear
So afraid of the unknown
But I'm really giving you a bone
Time to say your last goodbyes
Give your last pleas, with hands raised to the sky
You'll know it's time for you to die ;}

Here I sit in my pile of ashes
Wishing I had some rose colored glasses
I want to look at things a new
But my glasses don't carry that hue
I watch my dreams smoke and combust
And all I can do is look on in disgust

Although I try to fight them
Thoughts of his invasion
And of how he was so ******* brazen
Keep hijacked my mind
I know what I'll find

I don't want to look
I dont want to open that book
I don't want the memories
It just fosters my disease

He destroyed my sacred place
He knew that was my space
So cool and calculating
So patiently waiting
Knew when to strike
Out in the woods he'd make me hike

******* stop I scream to myself, just stop
Put those **** memories on the chopping block
Bury them down deep, and hide them
Or your sanity is gonna be looking grim

Think of happier things like butterflies, birds, and bees
Maybe it'll be easier than it seems
But my birds turn to buzzards
My bees die cuz my butterflies are bad *** *******

I'm tired of reaping another's bad actions
This kinda **** just shouldn't happen
But it does all the time
And cops don't give a **** about this kinda crime

So what am I to do
I feel like throwing in the towel, I'm trough
I'm tired of waiting for happier times
Of trying to patch together a life that doesn't rhyme

I'm forever circling over the tree tops
I don't have to flap my wings, I just glide non stop
Just trying to find some place to land
For your clock was stoped, you've ran out of sand
Don't worry no pain I bring
You won't feel a thing
I will feast upon your rotting flesh
It is my very favorite dish
I will gobble it all down even the wiggling maggots
And whatever else there inhabits
I do my circling dance in the sky
Just to let others know that near by
Something must have died, and lays baking in the sun
And I will soon be having fun

You call me at night and we sit and we talk
We dream of our wedding day, and the aisle I'll walk

All I can think of is you
My thoughts you consume

Waiting for you to be here in April
You'll move any mountain, I know you are able

I dream of you holding me tight
We'll have so much fun each and every night

Full body hold
Not letting go

Under the covers
Two bodies double

Softly becoming one
Our embrace will last long after the morning sun

I wake up from dreaming of you
My nightmare life ensues

Waiting for my life to begin, when you take my hand
For you are my life, my love, my man

I'll give you the knife and show you how to hurt me where to cut deep
I give you my love, and my trust
I'll tell you all the secrets I keep
I pray you love me just as much
Your love I want to reap
So please don't use that knife, don't ******

Because you could rip me apart
I am trusting in you
Not to cut out my heart
For I would bleed out, and death would ensue
For I have loved you from the very start
Please baby don't leave me cold and blue

Emotionally
Hemorrhaging feelings within
A trillion tears cried

Mister Sun light my way
You've been away to long
In the dark is where I've stay
Sorrow is my only song
I could use some fun today
But I fear soon I'll be gone

I'm so tired of the tears
I'm so tired of the lies
I'm so tired of the fears
I'm so tired of all the sighs
I'm so tired of all these years

I just want to lay down and quit
I don't want to stay here
I just want to exist
Life is what I fear
It only gives me ****

Cut my wrist, make them bleed
Throw this shity live aside
Swallow these pills so I no longer breath
I just so very much want to die

All corpses are haunting, the light is gone

There is a light in each one of us, it's where it belongs

Until death takes our hand, but sometimes it doesn't shine strong

So no matter how dark life is singing her song

And you think there's no light in you, you're wrong

The shadows in my brain
That dance with all the pain
Only adding to the strain

The memories that they hold
That they crease and mold
Only leave me cold

The agony holds on strong
That it refuses to move along
Only leaving tears of all that's gone wrong

The shadows in my mind
That are so unkind
Only showing me what they find

Thoughts rambling in an insane manner
Voices mix and clamber
Between it all the static stammer

Leaving me to believe I'm not well
I wear a mask so you can't tell
That I really live in Hell

There is something going on inside my cranium
Maybe it holds to much radium
That must be why I need a ******

My thoughts bumb and scatter
Oohhh something shiny.....does it matter
Uhm I think my head has grown flatter

Pain and agony brought on insanity
Trying hard to grasp the gravity
This situation leaves me in, oh the calamity

Well my gray matter has had enough
I'm calling my life's bluff
Put the gun to my head, it was tough

Blowing that gray matter away
Still won't be enough to sway
The demons will make me stay
In a vegetative way

That magically moment when something unexpected
All most impossible happens
It makes you question everything you've been taught
About the universe and the world
You for just an instant
See the world through the eyes of your inner child
When EVERYTHING was possible.

A crime buried without justice is never laid to rest
Those that where responsible never addressed

The exploding bombs had chased them to the basments
They thought women and children would be safer in this containment

But these bombs that droped did not explode
It had a much deadlier payload

The gas it trun lose was Sarin by name
This nerve gas played no games

So much heavier than air, it's deadly fingers reached down
Right to where all the women and children could be found

Quit and deadly, they hadn't a prayer
They where all so caught unaware

Until their lungs wouldn't work
Then the muscles twitching and ****

Mothers agonizing screams filled the air
Me and my Children are dying they declared

Bombs delivered the gas
Now families and children twitch in deaths dance

No real hospital for miles
Poorly equipped clinics filled up, people laying in the aisles

Frothing at the mouth, pupils only pinpoints
Death came to many that day, it did not disappoint

The dead laid in rows in clinics, mosques, and streets
Over thirteen hundred the lord had to meet

And as the living took care of the dead, in their graves they lay
Still no one is punished for this crime upon them, not even to this day

Golden sun ends day
Wonderful way to say bye
Looking to the sky

You call
Leave a message
"I'm in a fall"
Terrifying presage
"I ****** up"
Pulse quickens
"Drunk from deaths cup"
Blood thickens
"I've took to many"
Stomachs turning
"My prognosis is deadly"
Heart burning
"I love you friend"
Hands shaking
"This I did not intend"
Dialing faster
Message over
No answer

The rain it pitter patters
Against my window splatters
And the only thing that really matters

Is your not here with me
It's like the sky could see
And started crying so soft and slowly

Every atom in my body aches for you
I fall more in love everyday, it's true
It's because you can see right through

All the scars and all the pain
And the darkness in me that reigns
Still your love for me you maintain

I seen your soul and heart
In your poems, your art
You are my missing part

For we are soul connected
I gave you my heart, you fiercely protected
Your all consuming love was so unexpected

As the sky cries for us slowly
All I want to do is hold you closely
I know forever you will be my one and only

You want to see a smile on my face
Wait a minute while I get my paste



Oh **** that
This is where I'm at

If you really don't love me would you tell me now
While I'm only a few miles off the ground
Tell me if my love you disavow
I have never felt a love this profound

Your love has taken me to new dizzying heights
And I really don't mean to fear
This love feels so real so right
It's the voices in my head that makes it so unclear

I'm sorry I'm so ******* jaded
And that I'm so worried my heart is lying again
What I mistook for love before was just hate, or need shaded
But your actions and words are slowly reaching my brain

To finally feel true love is a wonderful scary
So please forgive my doubts
I know with all my heart, it's you I want to marry
I know you love me, I can hear your soul scream it out
I'm so sorry babe for my days of doubt!!!

Spinning and spinning, around and round
Never knowing what will be found
Between love and pain,back and forth, door to door
Which one will I open now, will it knock me on the floor
Pain can leave you lying
Love can set you to flying
So I'm caught between ying and yang
Feeling like a yo-yo again

I was so very proud of my wall
I knew no collision would make it fall
It was built over many a year with heartache & grief
And many a secrets I'm destined to keep

I built the wall to keep all those out
If I found any holes I'd fill them with grout
Thought the pain couldn't reach me
And I might get to find some glee

But little did I know what I'd done to myself
Seems I've just been sitting on a shelf
And letting life just pass right by
And I was just watching and waving goodbye

I relized I was still miserable in my safe little hole
Gezz something, yes something had to go
My wall is so high it's blocking the sun
But what,oh what, could be done

Seems that I walled in the pain, instead of keeping it out
WHAT HAVE I DONE, I scream and I shout
I'm so looking for someone to throw me a line
To save me from this space and time

There was one that dared to throw me a life vest
And **** it he tried his very, very best
But this wall of mine put our friendship to the test
And I know now I must give him some rest

So I start with forgiving myself
But there's a lot that should be on someone else
The guilt shouldn't be mine
It was their crime!!!
So I pick up my axe and start chipping away
Because behind this wall I no longer want to stay
I want to break free of this jail that I built
And work thru all this emotionally guilt
It really wasn't mine to claim
anyway
So I'll try my hardest to keep those feelings at bay
I'm tired of staying here in this life of gray
So I'll keep chipping and chopping and maybe one day......

Tired of the toughts, tired of the fight
The drugs win out again to night
Please don't look, I'm such a frightful sight

At lest I didn't give in
To those haunting voices again
I guess I can count that as a win

Now I'll just lay here feeling nothing but numb
In my cranium there starts a hums
That soon turns into sounds of drums

That will soon lure me to sleep
So my secrets I can keep
With the drugs I can bury them deep

You are my light
I am your night
You are the rays
I am the rain
In all I can see
You complete me

I think I have come unplugged
I think I have been drugged
I'm seeing things through a haze
And thoughts around me plays
Are they real or just a maze
That I am slowly crawling through
I'm affraid I've come unglued
Why the hell does these thoughts intrude
I can't run away or hid
I've tried
I've prayed I've cursed
I've done the worse
And still there they are
From the surface they are never far
These ******* **** mind scars

Pressure is building inside my skull
An intense dulling lull
To much to much
I'm about to be crushed
It's starting to humm, it's starting to buzz
My thoughts are begaining to fuzz
Past anxiety straight to panic
My actions are starting to become manic
So pass me my drugs
Because my Babe's not here to smother me in hugs
I've got to do something, I'm coming undone
And before long I'll be under that **** gun
Then it well be fire at will
Test your skill

Writhing in pain
Nothing to gain
Nothing to lose
Nothing to chose
Nothing but death
I wouldn't regret

Along came you
Love ensues
A light in darkness
Love engulfs us
My heart in flight
Changes my sight

Time ticking by
Wishing it'd fly
Every day closer
Maintaining composure
To far away
Counting days

When we touch
Bodies clutch
Softly entwine
Love divine
It'll be to much
We'll finally erupt
Forever mine
A Love of all time

Two seedlings grow up on the same plot of land
Wonderful black soil, not loose sand
So their roots gripped deep, so tall they could stand
So face to face they grew, each one knowing the other
As they shot up, their love soon bloomed one for another
They so longed to touch and entangle
With their branches they wanted to hold and mingle
And all the way to their roots they wanted to feel the tingle
Their love grew strong, and so did their trunks
They were watered and cared for each day by the monks
And the years slipped by when one final hour
Their branches could touch with a little wind power
A few more years slipped by and they now could embrace
And they were happy they had been planted face to face
They stood for centuries happy and content in their place
Sadly they thought that this bliss would last forever
All life problems they swore to endeavor
They held each other through storms and sunny weather
Until one day his roots grew weaker
With every passing year their situation grew bleaker
One night a storm blew in and their situation was dire
The wind blew him over and lightning set him on fire
She lost some branches trying to hold on to him
She knew deep down to her sap that now her life would be grim
Without him by her side she started to cry
And with every eternal year that crept by
Her limbs no longer reached for the sky but drooped down to the ground
Cuz that is now where his charred remains could be found
She reached for him with every single limb
Her weeping went on each day of the sorrowful years she was filled to the brim
The monks took care of her but they could feel her great sorrow
They prayed everyday that she would stand strong till tomorrow
One day an old monk took a close look at the tree
And decided the pain had changed her so much that her name now is different by decree
So my child when you lay your tired head on your pillow
Remember her and all her seedlings are now the weeping willow
She's there to remind us of the loss of great love
That not even her seedlings could rise above

The warmth came to you one day
And it really wanted to stay
But you pushed it away
You where to use to the gray
There was nothing the warmth could say
To make you even a little bit sway
So it tried to spread a warming ray
But you looked at in disgust and let it lay
And so it simply, painfully and slowly decayed

The rain outside is pouring down
And slowly lifting is this frown
I love the pitter patter sound
And the mud it makes as it hits the ground
I joyfully go out in it and dance around
There is just no better feeling to be found

This pain is ******* the air from these lungs
It's making still this tongue
This blood won't move
These nerves won't sooth
My limbs are ice cold
There's holes in my soul
There's bruises on my body
My life story is shoddy
This pain will end
When I decend
I'm halfway there
It's all I can bare

Here I am in the darkness again
Realizing it's my only friend

I just want to walk in the sun
Like I did when I was young

But that dream is dead and gone
Just like the last note of a song
It simply fell away
Into the gray

I try to convince myself I will be just fine
Here in the dark where the sun will never shine

Alone in my madness
My terrifying sadness
In time that's so timeless
This deafening silence
That all leads to self violence

Hunted and stalked
She was caught
Forced into the car
Out in the woods so far
No one heard her cries
Hands behind her back tied
She tried to plea
His hits just made her bleed
Shoved into the dirt
He was gonna make her hurt
He killed his prey
She dies a little more each day

Violent aggression
Extremely violated
****** beyond repair

Violent aggression
Extreme violation


Cops called
No resolve

I'm being hunted, I am the pray
Eyes darting everywhere, thoughts in disarray

Drove by him on the street this morning, our eyes locked
**** now he knows the car is my only thoughts

I had moved away from my home town
Hope upon hope I wouldn't be found

But I still work in this God forsaken place
In this **** town every day, so now I'm being chased

I don't understand why he won't let me be
It's been so many years, why can't he just forget about me

Although I know in his drug addled mind
I'm the one that got away and left him behind

He is truly crazy, that's what scares me the most
And I know all the demons he host

He's lived most of his life in prison, or on the streets
He's one of the homeless like many you meet

But he's a dangerous CRAZY
Of that there's no maybe

He told me a few years go of the women he's ***** and beaten
If he would die there would be one less demon

****!!! As I sit here writing this, out the window I spy
Him nonchalantly just walking by

Why ******* now does hunt me this way
I feel like crying in dismay

But I'm at work so I hide my fear
**** if he hadn't seen my car he wouldn't know I was here

My client is handicapped and his father old
All of this their mind couldn't hold

If he's still here after my work day
I'll have to lure him away

After all it's just me that he craves
And I know he will always till either him or I lie in the grave

My past is seeking me out again
The stupidity of my past ignorance and sin

We'd stay up all night and speak of places we would roam
He moved me far away from home


He moved me away from family and friends
I didn't relize my future was growing dim

I was in love, he kept his demons well hid
If I'd just known some of the things he had did


I soon was pregnant, unable to defend
That's when the beatings begin

I would of ran but there was no where to go
So far from home with a young one in tow


My illusional happy family dissolved
A happy future from me is STILL getting robed

This drunken alcoholic fool
Was particularly cruel

Daily beatings a must
Hands around my throat in disgust

Have him arrested, out the next day
"Boy, ***** will you pay"


Years go by and three children latter
Things are much worse the punishment greater

Can't leave him now, know for a fact he will **** me
He'd bury my body deep, he'd never set me free

Then he would be raising my kids, a terrifying thought
And all of my suffering would of been for naught


One drunken and now cracked up night
He told me to go and I took flight

Raised four kinds on my own
Over 17 year and every 2 or 3 years always making his presence known

He can fill my heart with fear
I seen him today he's in my town..........his near

What do you dream of when you close your eyes
What do you truly dream of when you take off your disguise

What is it that makes your heart quicken
What is it that will make you blood thicken

What gets you moving and going on you way
What helps you to survive another day



What do you do when all your dreams have died
What do you do when they no longer dance before your eyes

What can you do when there's no thoughts when you sleep
What can you do when the hole it left is to steep

If all your dreams die what motivates you then
If all your dreams end how do you get up time and again

Are all dreams ment to die
Are they ment to dissolve into the sky

Everyday we're dying
So why are we still trying

Everyday we're closer to the end
From where we all begain

Everyday we lose
Less things we can choose

Everyday that slips on by
Leaves us closer to the day we die

Years ago......today was the day I died
****** it to this wicked world to survive

I don't no where I was before this life
But I'm sure it was sweeter than all this strife

Because on that day at the window seal sat the inky black Crow
To witness the birth of another dead soul

In this life I feel rushed and hurried a long
like a little soldier bee made to sing his song

From flower to flower, task to task
Just leave us alone is all we ask

He gathers the pollen to make the honey
I work my *** off to make the money

All his work is for the hive
Without his life they won't survive

So I take a lesson from the Bee
Cuz now I see
How everyone depends on me

But by no means, don't forget
The other lesson he has for us yet
To do this all with a happy song
And stay buzzed all day long

I found that I was talking to myself tonight
No one in the room just me and the light

I think I've done lost it, that one final piece
There is now nothing in my head to decrease

Out of my cranium it must have crept
I bet you it did it last night while I slept

Now I'm talking right out loud
As if in my room there was a big crowd

Yep, it's official.......it is all gone
Yep, I think it left right around dawn

Wait for it.....wait....there it is, I just answered myself
Maybe I should go with the other crazies upon the shelf

Altho as I listen, I think I'm quite right
It's the most intelligent things I've heard in many a night

Yep, that proves, it I'm totally insane
It's done been let off of it's chain

Oh well what use is there to having one
It was never in use when I was having fun!!!!

Why am I unlovable
Why is the pain unstoppable
Where are the arms to hold me at night
Are the scars on my soul such a fright
That no one will ever hold me tight
With no love I'm withering
Life is so unforgiving
I just want someone to care
To simply stroke my hair
To tell me they're glad I'm here
To whisper in my ear
I'll always be near
To look inside my soul
And see past the scars it holds
Will love ever make this heart beat again
Would that be such a sin
Or instead of flesh and bone
Will I simply turn to stone

There was a caterpillar that had no friends
She feared she would be alone in the end
She had all, but given in

She stayed in a trees
And hid behind the leaves
Until she ate them, or there was a breeze

She had become so very fat
All the other insects made fun and spat
Out cruel words, she no longer wanted life and that was that

But before she could eat the poison leaf, along flew a hunny bee
"Hunny child you just dont see
That one day your gonna fly like me"

She looked at him in bewilderment
Surly his brain was a little bent
Wings for her would have to be heaven sent

But she decided to hold on a little longer
Just to prove he couldn't be wronger
That bee's words she would often ponder

The other insects still showed their hate
The more they said the more she ate
She knew they was right she'd never find a mate

So she made a cocoon, to hide herself within
So she no longer heard the words that could condemn
What awaited her would be hard to comprehend

The bee seen the cocoon, and sat and waited patiently
He wanted to be the very first to see
At what a beautiful creature she had came to be

When she emerged the sun hurt her eyes
Many a day had gone by
The sun seemed way to bright in the sky

But then she got a look at her wings, they where gray
"Why didn't God paint them, why are they this way"
At the bee in disgust she shouted, "You should of let me die that day"

"But my lovely one, you are now a creature of the night
And will fly by the enchanting moonlight
And see many many wonderful sights"

"Besides my hunny chid they're wings
You can now fly to the heavens and sing
Your point of view will now change on many things"

"God painted your wings gray
So in the bright of day
Against the tree bark you can lay
And safely sleep the day away"

"God only picks the strongest
To prowl in the moon lit darkness
He only picks the bravest
That at night can help with the loneliness"

The Moth bent her head in repentance
She couldn't even finish her sentence
For she realised in that instance
The bee was talking about her transcendence

I keep the details dim
So on the outside looking in
Nothing is as at seems
Everything just beams
It all seems so copacetic
But it's really so pathetic
Before long I'll need a paramedic