It was on an average day That I purchased a tiny cactus With a little pink flower on it’s pointy head And set it on my window sill. In its place, it could soak up the barely-warm rays of sun That found their way into my home And also manage to survey the prairie of my room. It might’ve, now that I think about it, Had trouble seeing over the top of my bed. But it could most definitely view the many hours And many days I spent perched on that same bed Wondering if anyone would miss me If I opened the window and stepped over it And took off down the street, My feet pounding against the pavement In the same way that the hooves Of a frightened gazelle might beat the grass of the savannah flat. The cactus could mostly definitely see me Each night when I pulled an index card From my nightstand, And wrote one thing that made me unhappy on it, Then crumbled it up and threw it away. The cactus might’ve thought to itself, “She’s learning to love herself,” But not one single index card Changed my mind. The cactus definitely witness the hand That curled over my alarm clock in anger And smashed it against the wall. The force of the clock breaking, In the way that an earthquake sinks a building, Sent the cactus onto it’s side, spilling particles of dirt Like constellations Off of the windowsill and onto the carpet. I’m sure the cactus saw me press my head Between two of the pillows on my bed In the dark of the night Pretending I was dunking my head beneath the ocean To muffle the voices in the hallway that kept getting louder. The first time I held a razor in my hand Ready to go - I know the cactus heard my pitiful attempt to keep my cries silent. But because the cactus couldn’t manage to stretch it’s neck Above the horizon that the blankets on my bed made It probably didn’t know that I spent thirty minutes Hiding behind the accordion door Of my closet. Did it see me get yelled at Or interrogated for the truth that nobody would listen to Anyway. Did it see me return home again and again Each time a little more lost than before - That melancholy emptiness in my pupils That had become familiar to me at too young an age? Did it notice when I stopped eating Because I didn’t want to have to venture out Into the void of my house And risk what hope was left weighing my chest down Just to get some food? Did it watch me Put on makeup Many times each morning So that I could get the look that my perfectly Cover up the last real things about me? And could that cactus hear the music That I blasted as loud as I knew how Through my headphones - A C Sharp and minor chord that knew me better Than I knew myself. The day that I put myself to work Furiously shoving the necessities Into a duffle bag, Forcing myself to leave behind items I loved For items I should have Because I didn’t have enough room - Did it ponder the course of my actions? Did it miss it’s windowsill when I picked it up In my left hand As a last minute thought And took it with me Never to return? It was an average day that I took off down the road With my cactus in my hand Leaving behind everything but myself. You can’t ever run away from yourself.
I'm an immigrant from foreign lands Who made the trip crawling on my knees and hands Who thought a change of scenery was all that was needed Who for a better life turned to the skies and pleaded And while searching for sanctuary with destain I was greeted See, I think they believe I was fine where I was Sure, outside of having to give my last quarter to get a pass Outside of having to decide between food or the homie that's asking *** the homie that's asking is the homie that's blasting If you dare say no On your way home, after a hard day's work, still have to pay the neighborhood rent tho *** if you's broke you were the next one to go As simple as tic-tac-toe Except it's click-clack-pow I seen the culprit, twas the kid from next door Who now sleeps on the edge of death row Guilty of a dozen of those Danger travels in troves In the place where they let go of their humanity So I left With the faded blue Jansport on my back And a brand new fake passport in my back pocket Leaving the world I called home behind Facing Mexico hoping to cross it I was 15 in a group of fifteen with a single shared dream The Salvadorean dream team Thinking we could escape this unfair hand Wide-eyed we ventured in... And then I saw, violence everywhere we went The horrified masses didn't have to pretend The fear inflicted by individuals with no chance to repent But it's best of I digress and of my travels I shed light We only moved at night Daring to commit the horrendous crime of crossing an imaginary line That changes with time And for that we were persecuted We were stopped, chased, and straight up looted The Police or the Cartels it didn't matter who did it To the females of the group when **** was commited And between check points and abductions only 4 remained since the groups introduction The faded Jansport had been stolen by a 16 year old with a machete Who had promised to cut me up like confetti if I didn't hand it to him So I did Just like my innocence as a kid as well And so I left Traveling further north still Looking at American soil from the hotel window sill Hoping the nightmare would soon end Hoping my psyche I can still mend The four of us shared a hopeful glance Stopped and shook each others hands and wished each other well Said if we got lost we'd meet at the well The one we had stopped at to rest for a spell The plan couldn't be tested, however Immigration came and shut down the whole endeavor The only one who got out was me... Forced to forever flee Entrusted to see...what they couldn't see And to be all they couldn't be
You know what I am sad. You know what That isn't least bit surprising. You know what You'll learn that if you have read more pieces of my work. You know what I guess I should stop. You know what But I can't. You know I feel like telling you all the things that happened to me.
Clock strikes midnight and I’m ready to leave Never really could stay in the same place for more than nine months
Growing up I was a zebra in a room full of lions Still am With long spider legs And birthmarks sprinkled around my face and body My big beautiful dad hands Shy personality I stick out like a sore thumb
Living a lonely little kid life I learned to love I don’t want others to feel the way I did Instead of floating around my brothers who treated me like a ghost I went off to play with my mom Failed once again packed my bags and moved onto my cat She hissed and scratched I cried No one wanted me
I searched for my people Looking high and low Using everyone else’s personality but my own I found them for a while Until the wind whistled And decided it’s time to blew them away Jumping from person to person Finding good in them I was told I was wrong So I kept to myself and became the sad girl no one wants to be friends with Rolling her eyes and dismissing everything people say Wondering in the corner Why people don’t like her
I’m ready to leave Trapped inside five years of the same cycle I’m ready to shed my skin Leave my old life behind And start fresh I’m not afraid of the future For me, change is like water I don’t drink as much as I want to But I’ll die without it.
Growing up as a child and a young teen was not the best, The memories up to this day traumatize me: I always remember the bad ones and never the rest. Now don't take this as a sob story I don't take well to pity, Just give me a few minutes to dwell On a childhood that was anything but well.
It was the 29th day of March, A long and eerie night A miscarriage was near in sight The doctor told her: Its very possible that you will lose your baby After hours of pain and blood loss Came a bundle of joy with "cat eyes" that brought light to all a young mother's flaws. It was a miracle. "Its a baby girl, woah look at those eyes they are almost bioluminescent in the dark" Parents could never be so proud to bring such a beautiful creature to the world. "I wish all the best, to this little girl"
Life was great But I wasn't truly welcomed Some people my existence upset. But as a baby and toddler, it was great all I had to do was breastfeed, cry and ****. Then time happened and life became complicated. My mom cheated (or was continuously cheating) and there was no preset My dad wished there was a reset And me... I was treated like an asset; For money. For **** sake my young years have been duped.
I want to start a new collection about realism in association with well origins. This will be the first poem of the collection; this collection entails basically my uncensored life story (and if u guys want to share your own life story too please do not be shy, no judging) I hope you enjoy and look out for my next poem "Memorandum" coming soon.