Like a car in hydroplane
Or a run away train
These thoughts of mine are off the track
Anxiety on top of anxiety stacked
There is no coming back

Think I'm gonna start over again
Grow myself some new skin
I'm tired of this one
It can't stand the sun

So I'm gonna sit in the rain, wash it all away
Just waiting for my someday

I'll try to wear a grin
As I'm shedding off this skin
But I fear it's my only sheath
I wonder if something's underneath
I hope that once I peel away this skin
I won't become invisible again

Sitting on the floor because I don't like the fall
I only gave the illusion I was up, but it's here I've been after all
I try to trick myself into thinking I feel grand
It was my confusion, it was my plan
But it didn't work, hell the truth is I can't even stand
The true is I'll always be ******
But I do try to enjoy just a few comforts
Amongest all the hurts
A fresh cup of coffee, the smell of bacon
On the stove top frying and making
A cuddle with my dog, by the way her name is Pig.
I loved the movie "Babe" and "That'll do pig"
I have a twisted mind which is quiet an accomplishment
Considering the world wanted it shattered not bent
But I don't want your hand I'm quite content
On the floor here where I sit
For if I stand to tall
There will inevitably be that nasty fall
And just one more time and I may not be able to come back at all

I can't fly without feathers
So why are you putting me in tethers
I can't swim without fins
And still your sticking in the pins
And pulling off that little dolls limbs
Like right out of the fairytale grimms'

Your vicious as hell with that voodoo doll of twine
You made in my image so it would be mine
I constantly feel the shivers run down my spine

I don't understand why you keep me here entrapped
And leave all of our potential so untapped
Instead you think I must be kidnapped

It's trust that you're so desperately lacking
Wish you would just relize it's not me that's been slacking

It's ok I understand
You just couldn't love something like this
I just want to say
You'll be missed

I've been treading water, trying not to drown
But I'm afraid, I'm finally going down
The waves are coming faster
And of self control I am no master
Should I hold my breath as I plunge
Or breath in the water and quickly this life expunge
I keep my eyes open as I am sinking
But I can't keep from blinking
When a colorful fish swims by
Then turned around and looked me in the eye
What he had to say gave me chills
"Why don't you just grow gills
We all must change and adapt
Or none of us would live through life's crap"
Wise words from a fish's lips
And if I survive, I'll never again eat fish and chips

I knew a guy
He seems so very shy
It goes unspoken
His heart was broken
His spirit crushed
His thoughts were rushed
Remembering all she said
He put the gun to his head
To pull the trigger
Would make her the killer
Or so he thought
But with that shot
He couldn't see
It would set her free
But hit me
Now I will have to die
Just to say goodbye

There is an emotional graveyard in my back yard
It's for all the feelings that die, and I discard

Innocence was the first to fall
But isn't it always that one for us all

Happiness fallowed soon after that
Because my life quickly turned to crap

Trust was the next to bite the dust
For self preservation it was a must

Ignorance was the very next one
I swiftly learned life's lessons
Under the gun

Love has entered and been dug up from the ground
But each time I bury it a little father down

Sympathy can also out there be found
It's right over there it's the biggest mound

Desire and all the stuff I crave
Is right here in this shallow grave

Lust that I mistook for love one to many times
Deep is it's hole it was such a vicious crime

Joy also has it's place among the markers
It couldn't be saved by the therapist or doctors

Anger was the last that went underground
I just couldn't take any more of it's horrific sound

You'll notice pain, agony, and strife
Very much still have lots of life
So also is fear and my darkness
I have placed their markers after all I'm heartless

And that last little plot way over there
Under the Weeping Willow dug with such care
It's stone only has dates and dashes
That's for my shell when it finally crashes
For it will be hollow void of all emotion
To lie in that grave will be such a promotion

Everyone has their daily struggles
But with depression it's more than doubled
I rise each day to face the sun
But a part of me just wants to run
To hide away and lock the door
Or **** someone and settle the score

The wounds inflected on me I can not hide
You can see them all plainly on every side
They are apart of me, inside and out
I've been prey to many, and my trophy head they mount
In their memory of victims, I'm another count

They did it slow, they took their time, in no hurry
Then sent me off to the f**king taxidermy

They cleaned me up and stuff in the saw dust
But all you see standing before you, is just my crust.

Sitting on the soft floor surrounded by white
Hugging your self wither you want to or not
The light is so very, very bright
In your head your screaming stop

Because they're buzzing so loud
And it's the only **** sound
But the voices in your head are starting to crowd
In your brain they are circling and twirling around

How did I end up here
I don't remeber a thing
There is nothing at all that is clear
Did I finally snap, that one final little string

Oh those ******* lights won't they stop
My voices yell in unison, it's causing them pain
That buzzing is gonna make me blow my top
If it don't stop soon it'll dive them insane

And if they go nutty what will happen to me
**** it's been hours, or has it been minutes
I'm not sure, seconds it might be
I'm being pushed past my limits

Still, tho I can't see a clock
I can feel time ticking by
Or maybe it's not
I would know if I could see the sky

But that is impossible so I just rock and I sway
The buzzing has now become my back beat
I know it's been years now, or maybe just days
I can't tell this room is dripping with deceit

I know when they open that door
Drowned in my own drool
Right there on the floor
Just another crazy fool

Sifting through the ashes of my life
Trying hard to find something thats went right
I search and look, **** and poke
It's begaining to look like my life was a joke

How could this be
I tried so hard just to be me
I look back on my time line
On me was committed many a crime
It changed me to a sad little being
But I still managed to keep on singing

But it didn't seem to be enough
Now life is calling my bluff
I'm sitting here with so much rust
Feeling mighty hollow, nothing but crust
So I'm just gonna sit right down
And in the ashes of my life I'll just drown

You treat me like schrodingers cat
And some times I just don't get that
I was alive when you slammed the lid
And now I'm as scared as a little kid
But you have to sort out your own head
And you leave me here filled with dread
Because when I really really need you
You act like you haven't a clue
Are you afraid my sadness will hurt you to much
That my agony will be to much for the touch
That's ok I'll keep it locked away
And maybe, just maybe one day
You'll lift the lid to look inside
Only to find out I have died

I was born a step out of time
One verse short of a line
One word short of a rhyme

With this world I do not jive
A worker bee without a hive
And all I hear is lie upon lie

I'm not sure exactly where I belong
I hope my life will not be prolonged
Untill that day I'll just keep singing my sorrowful song

I won't need to rehearse
In human kind I've seen the worst
And my life seems to be cursed

He was an emotional blackmailer
He'll always makes you feel like a failure
He lives off of emotion
He tosses you around like the ocean

He craves attention and pity
He's feelings are always gritty
He'll toss words around
He just loves his own sound
He is so ******* vain
And he loves to get inside your brain

He says he loves you then causes nothing but pain
The emotions he puts you through is so inhumane

He makes you feel sympathy because he's so sad
If you don't show enough empathy he gets very mad

He says he'll commit suicide
And you'll be sorry he died
Because it would be all of your fault
It's all just a part of his emotional assault
He loves to hear your plea
"Please don't do it babe" it fills him with glee

Emotional assault by every degree
He'll only love you if with him you agree
In every situation it's all about him
To think any diffrent would be the cardinal sin

With him by your side
It's a very bumpy ride
Love, hate, and pain
To him it's all the same
As long as he is the center of attention
None of your feelings can even be mentioned

A rollercoaster of feelings
Is what he is dealing
He's an emotional blackmailer because he has none of his own
He's empty and hollow just like a drone

So he lives off of yours
He'll break you till your on all fours
He just loves to see you broken on the floor
He'll pick you back up, just to knock you back down
In his little circus, you are his clown

And if you really love him
Your future is most grim

Sooner or latter your numbers gonna come up
Sooner or latter you'll have to drink from that cup

That's the reason I got my phone disconnected
Maybe, just maybe I won't be affected

But death plays for keeps
It's only job is to reap
Very few get a reprieve
Death is very hard to appease

So live every day like there is no tomorrow
Don't leave behind bad memories or sorrow

Because you might not even make it through the day
So leave them all something good to say
About your life and how you lived it
Even if you lived to be a hundred, you'll have to admit
Life is to short
Sooner or latter we'll be standing in the Almighty's court

Above us is the poisoned skies
Acid dripping from up high
All the leaves are blowing
Because all the trees are now glowing
The flower all have died
Carnivorous plants now abide
The grass no longer grows
Because it always snows
The ground is very brittle
It cracks if you step just a little
The mighty rivers are no more
Boy, the human race sure can make some gore
The sky's a crimson red, the clouds are inky black
From this post apocalypse, there is no coming back

Our souls are reaching out, calling one to another
Can you hear it, it sounds so much like thunder
It pulls at every single atom
It's stronger than anything you can fathom
It's like a might magnet, deep inside our bones
Pulling at each other till in your arms I'm home

If
Anyone's
Going
To
Have
The
Last
Laugh

I'm
Gonna
Have
It
First

What was is like before I fell
Before I ended up in this hell
I don't remember I was only eight
When I got shoved into this fate
Left with feelings of self hate
Human monsters brought me to this gate

The hands of time
They did unwind
It didn't treat me very kind
It brought more monsters and called them mine

Now I'm spinning out of control
Waves of sorrow over me roll
Never knowing which way to go
Should I follow the ******* crow

It would lead me to the grave
You know that is what I crave
There's not much of me to save
For what wasn't stole from me, I gave

Or should I stay in this frozen field
Frozen solid left to deal
Trying to heal what can't be healed
Blinded by my fate, is it sealed

Will any of my tomorrows be kinder
Oh will I grow blinder
By the bites of more sidewinders
Or will I just be thrown into the grinder

I remember mud pies
Chasing fireflies
Lazy summer bike rides
Loved ones that never died
What happened to those things I had before I fell
Before I ended up in this Hell
Can anybody say,can anybody tell

Have you ever woke up in the middle of the night
With panic gripping your heart tight

Have you ever seen the shadows walk the halls
Or seen the black marks they leave upon your walls

Have you ever heard their growls or hisses
Or felt on your skin their dark kisses

Have you ever shut your bedroom door tight
But they still pass through to give you a fright

Have you ever felt the fear dripping from the ceiling
Have you ever had that awful feeling

Have you ever had your demons play
Outside your head that way?

If I've sparked your interest
And you wonder why I'm diffrent
I won't let you wonder in vain
Let me take just a minute to explain

I've been shadow kissed
This fact can not be dismissed
I've passed through death's door, and returned again
Now the spirit in this skin is hard to contain
It's left a mark on my soul that is so plain

That's why I don't wear a mask
I'm not afraid of the feelings that I in bask
I lay it all out, my anger, my sorrow, my hopes, and my anguish
And in silence I no longer wanted to languish

The day I died my tiny world shook
And now I'm an open book

She's an emotional vampire
She'll **** out what she desires
She preys on the lonely
Making them think they are her one and only

She lives off their emotion
Love or hate, just as long as it's commotion
She thrives on the drama
Leaving behind only trauma

She'll take you down slow
You won't even know
Till she releases her hold
Leaving behind only holes
Where she's ****** out your soul

She's an emotional vampire
She'll burn you like Hell's fire
She's quite the enchanter
Her whole life is a banter
It's only the emotion that matters
She sparkles like a sapphire
That emotional vampire

You have changed my life
Everywhere I look I find
Love all around me

If you venture out at night in the Louisiana swamp
You better be careful of where you do romp
Out in this swamp where the tree moss hangs thick
You better step lively you better step quick

You better beware
You better take care
I'm gonna tell you just what in there dwells

You can't trust your brother, you can't trust your friend
You can't trust your family, no not none of them
For in that swamp lies a mighty curse
It's not like a nightmare it's much, much worse

It's big, 10 feet tall
And hair covers it all
Part man part dog, wolf, and demon
If you see it, it'll start you to screaming
It's a curse laid on man
You'll never know who wears the brand

So don't go out in the silky black night
Your heart might not be able to take the fright
For it's name is the Lugaru
And it will be coming for you

Once again my stars have rearranged
Once again my course must change
I still find it quit strange
That my life is so deranged

Problems and heartache one after another
All throughout my life happiness they smoother
Problems and heartache are only getting rougher
It all leaves me seeking, running for cover

I no longer wish or hope for happiness or love, just a break
For a little rest, everything else I would forsake
Pinch me, poke me please any thing to make me awake
Deliver me from this nightmare life,for goodness sake

Never mind, my stars are falling
The universe has heeded my calling
Giving me my longing
Into the void I'm crawling

I found a bean in my room
Hope that means I'll be leaving soon
If I plant it in my carpet
And put an X to mark it

Maybe if I sow
Maybe it will grow
And have a great stock
And for a moment I'll just stand and gawk

Maybe it will grow into the sky
Past where the birds fly
Up past the clouds
Where humans are not allowed

Then like my old friend Jack
I'll pack me a sack
Then I'll start my climb
Up that big sturdy vine

At the top I wonder what I'll find
Will it be peace of mind
Will my giants all be slayed
Will I finally be unafraid

I want to be above the grind
And all of mankind
So I planted my bean and watered it well
You can see it's starting to grow and swell

The roots start to snake
Making my floor quake
But it didn't grow up, but sideways instead
I looked at it with dread

Even my daydreams
Are not as they seem
But nightmares ensues
My lovely dark muse

If you ever wake up in a hug yourself jacket
Dress in all white, feeling like a maggot
Don't worry about the fall
The room will be padded after all

The bright light will not let you hide
You'll have wished you'd of died
As they **** and they poke
And your anger they'll provoke

So they can hook you up and electrify your mind
So you can forget the memories they find
There will be no more dark clouds
They will no longer be allowed

Inside your cranium
Their will be no more delirium
Take the little pills they give
They say you need them to live

They will have hollowed you out
No more need to shout
Because once you where a dark horse
Now They made you into a living corpse

The roofers are done with their day
So off they went on their way
But they left somethings behind
And wouldn't you know I'd find
When in the open box I took a look
And my hands they sure shook
I picked it up and put it down twice
**** my favorite vice
But I made a promise, so the Boxcutter had to stay
It was better that way
But I wrung my hands
The thoughts in my head where all crammed
As I paced back and forth
Like a tethered race horse
But your only as good as your word
Over all the other voices in my head was heard
My grandfather was a wise man
So like always on those words I'll stand
Done with my work day
I just walked away
I didn't make that awful slip
But my hands on the wheel had a tight grip
I wanted to do 80 but i could only do 65
Another promise that today would survive

Another day and they say "it's a new begaining"
But is it really, it feels more like an ending
An ending of time
In a life that doesn't rhyme

An unending march to the uncertain
Like the droping of life's stage curtain
Another day closer to the end
But I'm still waiting on my life to begin

I'm tired of this life's storyline
I want a different out come this time
I want happy, not sad
I want the good, not the bad

But there is no off ramp
And my disease leaves it stamp
I feel like a lost ***** *****
And my life just goes on like a vamp

Over and over the same music plays
A sorrowful song, for long anguished days
But I want a change in the beat
An uplifting melody to get me on my feet

Will you be my new rhythm
An escape from my prison
Are you my golden key
Will you try to set me free

Will you hold me tight
When I'm a sad sorry sight
There is no cure from my depression
But will you help the darkness lessen

Or will you run for the hills
Or jump in the sea and grow gills
Just to get away
From a disease you can not sway

And leave me counting the days
Till this clock like heart's hands stand still
And in death will I finally feel real?

Your beliefs or sin, don't affect this salvation of mine
Unless I judge you, and I am unkind

We are all imprisoned here in this space of time
We are all hunting for a love that is divine
We are all longing for a love to let us be
We are all searching for that love to set us free

We want to find the one where our mask can fall away
We want to find the one that will love us everyday
We want to find the one that accepts us as we are
We want to find the one that loves our every flaw

Some of us find it early in life and grow old with our love
Some of us are still searching for signs from up above
Some of us found the wrong love but are willing to try again
Some of us have given up and are just waiting for this sorrowful life to end


Sometimes it takes years and lessons to be learned
Sometimes it takes years to get all that we so yearn
Sometimes it takes only a day, for another's heart to come in to play
Sometimes it takes only a day for another's heart to finally hear what we've had to say

The stars up above are spinning
The moon is glowing bright
This feels like a beautiful beginning
As our embers reignite
I can't stop my grinning
When I talk to you at night
Our feelings have no ending
Our love is oh so right

Taught of fear in my youth
Never to be told the truth

Fear of the night
Fear of the sight
Fear of a turn on the light

Taught the wrong side of love
Never anything but the shove

Fear of the abuse
Fear of the accuse
Fear of forever being used

Taught of anger in my childhood
Never again would I be understood

Anger of the touch
Anger of the clutch
Anger that it was to much

Taught the wrong side of love
Never anything but the shove

Anger of the madman
Anger of the evil plan
Anger that I will never again stand

Taught darkness in my young years
Never thought I'd live my life in tears

Darkness of the need
Darkness of the deed
Darkness that is where I bleed

Taught the wrong side of love
Never anything but the shove

Darkness of the ****
Darkness of the numb
Darkness that is what I've become

Shadows in my hall
They dance amongst my walls
They pirouette through my door
I feel thier dance steps on my floor

The shadow men love to play
They are here to stay
They scream they will never go away

Shadows in my hall
They leave scratches on my wall
They burst through my door
I feel their stomping on my floor

The shadow men are turning mean
They are becoming quite obscene
They are causing an awful scene

Shadows in my hall
They are leaving  black marks on my wall
They scream right through my door
I feel their nails clicking on my floor

The shadow men now in my head
They are only there to spread dread
They are only there to be fed
Till at last I'm dead

The shadows in my brain
That dance with all the pain
Only adding to the strain

The memories that they hold
That they crease and mold
Only leave me cold

The agony holds on strong
That it refuses to move along
Only leaving tears of all that's gone wrong

The shadows in my mind
That are so unkind
Only showing me what they find

I am the frozen lock
I am the stopped clock
I am the sand
That slips through your hands

I am the black sheep
I am the freak
I am the hungry  beast
That's never satisfied with the feast

I am the snake
I am the earthquake
I am the boat
That just won't float

I am the rope
I am the loss of hope
I am the godless
For no one can stop this

I am the dead
I am all you dread
I am all but gone
So very far from strong

I am the walking cadaver
I am the shatter
I am the gray matter
That out of my head splattered

I'm coming unglued
My pieces are falling

I'm coming unglued
My voices are calling

I'm coming unglued
My minds come unplugged

I'm coming unglued
I could use a hug


I'm coming unglued
Shadow Men are drawing near

I'm coming unglued
My bones tremble with fear

I'm coming unglued
Sutures in my heart are starting to fray

I'm coming unglued
I can't find my way

I'm coming unglued
Nothing anyone can do

Swimming in the sea of equilibrium
I want to stay here for the next millennium
Right here in the middle, not to low, not to high
Between the deep dark bottom, and the bright blue sky

You can come and join me
On this calm glass sea
We can float here together
Just falling like a feather
We can stay forever
In this tranquil sea of heaven

Another morning I wake up with dread
Another day demanding to be fed

Off to work I must go
And put on another show
Boss tells me smile, that's all they want to see
I'm just a worker, just a flea
And humanity is inhumane
That's what drives people like me insane

Can't wait for the work day to end, and I'm home
Tucked way safely in my room alone

I'll turn the air up, so under my covers I huddle
I curl up and snuggle
I'm just missing someone to cuddle
Oh well I'll make do
With a stuffed animal or two

Watch the tv
Until way past three
For you see I can't sleep
My thoughts get to deep

Then get up early in the morn
When a new day is born
To feed another day, I hope doesn't feed on me
I hope it just lets me be

Clock like heart
Time stoped
love found
Hands spinning round

demons lurking all around
listening to my every sound
This life of mine is all up hill
My beating heart should just be still
I want to rest in deaths embrace
Unbearable pain is written on my face
Demons dance with sweet repraise
watching with there steely gaze
They lick their lips without restrain
So eager to tast all my pain
That's steadily driving me insane

Days like today
In my darkened way
I just sit,rock, and sway

I rock to the rhythm of my lifes sorrowful song
This feelings so wrong, so strong
In this inky state of mind
Any minut goodness is hard to find

There's hatred and self doubt
I HATE THE WAY I FEEL...I just want to shout
But there's no one here to hear anyway
So I sit and I cry and I sway

My thoughts bleed all over the place
You can plainly see them on my face
I'm such a disgrace
To the whole human race

This depression is heartless
Bringing only darkness
On days like today
My body and soul cry
It just leeks out my eyes

The sadness and darkness intertwine
It makes living feel like a crime
I'm so utterly clueless
Fighting it seems so useless

This is a bad one
I don't know where it came from
At lest with a trigger I know where I stand
Today I just feel like I have a brand
That tells the dakness to fall
That I don't belong after all

Here I am again looking to the sky
Wishing so much that I could fly
Leave this lonesome world behind
Most people are just blind
And they will never see the truth
But up high here upon the roof

It's not so hard to find
That they are to mired in the grind
They've given in
To the greatest sin
That possessions have more worth than time
They cherish every dime

But I know the truth
It's about love, not youth
Or possession you own
It's about watching kid's becoming grown

It's not how much money
You spend on your hunny
But putting in the time
To watch life unwind

Holding loved ones close
It's what we all want the most
So I have decided I'm growing wings
Just watch as I fly away and sing
Because my love lives faraway
And Skypes not enough today

You couldn't love me, I had to move on
I hope you see where you was wrong
I hope you stay strong
I never ment to harm
But I gave you my love it was never returned
You left me feeling burned
So in it is a lesson to be learned
Not not treat the heart of another
Like trash in the gutter
That you can pick up when you want
Never giving them a secound thought
Only when YOU need them, not when they need you
I hope if not a lesson, you at lest get a clue

Crisp Fall walks, skipping stones
It's the small pleasure I want to own
Take my hand, hold my heart
I loved you from the start
It's turned into more than I planned
You got my mind whirling like that fan
That cools us off as our desires rise higher
You in me baby have relit the fire

It had died long ago
But you saw into my soul
Rescued me from the dark
And gave me your heart
Now I am alive in your arms
I can't resist your charms
And those gorgeous blue eyes
They color my skys
A bright brilliant hue
No longer storms brew
I'm so in love with you!!!

Beige is the color of my brain
When I can't think of a thing
With wheel spining round
And not gaining ground
No thoughts to write down
hushed is the only sound
Beige is the color of my brain
When I can't think of a thing

I live in a land
Where slowly time stands
The days are extending
They seem never ending
And our sweltering summer's
Are hot than mothers

But we don't give a ****
We just drive our old truck
Down to the old swimming hole
Or grab the faithful fishing pole

We sip on some beer
Or liquid that's clear
We have fun with family and friends
And when the day is at an end
We look to the west
Where the view is the best

We watch over fields that smell sweet
From the soybeans, corn, and wheat
For the sun touches the earth
And soon gives birth
To the most vibrant light show
Yellow, red, pink, and gold

It illuminates the sky till it reaches the other side
You can't help but sigh
As the day slips on by
Darkness and sky meet
And to our house's we retreat

Because I live in a land you still can have some fun
Even after the work days done
Southern Illinois
I wish you could enjoy
Stay for an evening
And you'll never be leaving

Like humpty dumpty I sat on my wall
I'm not the same after that first fall
They patched me together and placed my back
Only to repeat it crack after crack
They kept putting me back on that ledge
All the king's men made me a pledge
They wouldn't let me fall they would catch me instead
But I think they really wanted me dead
Till my kinght in shing armour so noble and honest
Made me the greatest of all promise
He'd be there to protect me even from myself
He would never let me fall from that very high shelf
He would protect me from all that would harm
Now if I fall it will be into his arms

Know that I am sorrow please take my hand
I'll lead you to constant pain in new land
But unlike happiness I'll never leave you
I won't make you sit in the churches hard pew
But at times I'll make you drop to your knees
Under the weeping willow trees
I let the limbs hide your tear stained face
I'll show you the horrors,for you I'll make my case
For I have no mercy for you at all
I'll trip you and laugh as you fall
I'll take all your fears and make them come true
You'll never be happy again, that will never do
I am sorrow and I'll never leave you

You fixed the lock
To that internal clock
That in my heart did dwell
I'm under your spell
You found the key
To set it free
Heart beating
Chest heaving
Mind spinning
Alive again
Your under my skin
Your traped within
Lost in time
Now that your mine