dear my greatest enemy and friend depression,
    
          i think we need to end out deal,
i can't keep giving you my sanity,
when it is all gone,

                          - signed the one you haunt

if you told a lie director that you loved me,
      would it say 'lie' or 'truth?'

"what should i do?" the crow asked the cat

       the cat purr, their eyes gleaming, "oh, flightless bird, that is a wonderful to ask but it would be better to ask yourself on what you want to do. "

people don't believe when i say i have a superpower,
one that i quite love when i need it but sometimes i hate it when i wish to be noticed,
no one notices me unless i speak to them,
my quiet voice,
a 'sorry' 'excuse me' 'thank you' became a reflex,
like dodging a ball that i so very fear,
i can be invisible rather i wish or not,
its quite a lot,
to explain,
maybe it is a bit lame,
but i'm invisible rather i want to be or not

everyday i would sing
rather it be a note or a full song
someday i was going to be a singer
it was my destiny i heard my parents say

however, as i grew older kids start to tease me
they started to realize my voice wasn't following my imagination
i could write a song
but my voice was not fit for it
they said

i slowly stopped singing to others and hid in my room
where i would sing riptide to just me, myself, and i

i remember it clearly
when someone asked me to stop singing
because i sounded so cringey
i tune my voice down
just like i always do

started to get anxiety over singing on a stage
even though i loved it
adored it
i let their words get stuck in ears' cobwebs

everyone has at least one person that did something
they left a mark on you for the good
she told me one thing

"i like your voice because when you allow it, you can sing like a angel but your expression is what amazes me, you seem so happy."

now i'll never stop
because of those words
you can scream at me to stop
however i won't
for my voice is not your's to control but mine to wield
and i'll sing when i please

i can't understand what it means to be lovers anymore,
you left me bewildered,
you said that we were friends being stupid,
instead of being lovers,
we were killers,
killing ourselves,
together

-----

i thought,
i thought i cared for you gently,
treated you like a diamond,
never raised my voice,
i thought i didn't smother you,
but in the end,
i could not control,
the words that escaped your mouth when you said,

                "its over."

-------

lets play strangers,
and be losers together,
but when the day ends,
we'll shall forget everything,
to go back to **** and nerd.

--------

little raven,
why you leavin?
why you leavin your home?
you dropped your phone,
in mid-flight,
leaving behide,
a note and a black feather,
of betrayal.

ba-dump
ba-dum- crack.

    do you hear that?
a lover's scream
do you see the way he seems?
a heart that has been broken but still lingers,
   aching for gentle hands to hold it,
to care for it,
yet I'm afraid,
      when a heart breaks,
                you'll have to go through utter hell,
until someone bothers to love you,
to heal you.

lover boys they stand proud,
walking down the street,
their fingers entwined with each other's,
they laugh like any other human being,
they fight like any other lovers,
is it too much to ask you world,
so cruel and merciless,
to stop fretting about lovers boys? lover girls?
can't we all just love who we want?

please eat,
do not starve yourself,
your skinny,
your beautiful,
when you say no one cares,
your saying a lie, my friend,
i care,
so pick up that fork,
and just please eat.

"you driven me to the brink of insanity,
i yell down to the hole, "hello!" no one answers back,
it leaves me listening, one more inch and i will fall into insanity,
you would love that wouldn't you?
i should have heed mother's warning about love,
how much it will fill your heart and then crash you into a store called insanity,
and i refuse to fall into despair,
why should I be the lamb?
when did you get to be the wolf?!"


       i yell at the sky, snarling as i trip,

                                                  slowly
                                                        falling
                                                             into
                                                                  insanity

tired eyes,
drooping eyelids,
the ceiling is a old picture to be seen,
the paint is dull,
the stars dim,
the paintings crumble,
in this old room i lay,
my eyes open,
sleep is out of reach,
yet for a moment when the clock strikes 3:00 am,
i see something out of the corner of my eye,
a sharp point end,
a arrow's end,
red bumpy skin,
i think i forgot,
my clock is three hours behide,

so isn't it twelve?

the devil's hour?

then why do i feel like i'm the devil here?

give me a second to catch up,
your running too fast for me,
i'm scared you will leave,
please do not despise me if i told you something,
i was always ahead of you,
do you wish to hear a lie?
something you shall not know,
until it clicks,
until i have already ran too far for your hands to grasp,
i love you.

everytime you don't realize you break me,
you always say friend,
am that all i am to you?
your best friend,
i'll always be by your side,
i'll always be here for you,
yet i can't help but wonder,
could we ever be more than best friends?
and yet you never tell me,
you know my secret but never answer,
always changing the subject,
i'll do my best to wait,
yet i wonder when my patience will run out.

i'm afraid your ride has ended here,
do not bother to try to travel further,
i can't let you closer,
it only get colder,
i can't get any bolder,

i swear i tried,
the thought of letting you in anymore,
it sends shivers down my spine,
i would love to-
but i can't,
this reflex can't be stopped,

don't you ever wonder what people are whispering?
the way they grin,
what if it is all fake?
what if they aren't real?
**what if they are using me?

life is bittersweet you could say,
you'll die one day
live the rest,
everyday is a chance, a miracle,
things happen,
troubling,
loving,
thick and thin,
yet I'm so happy I get to spend my bittersweet life,
with you and only you,
m y    l o v e

tumbling down the mountain,
​plunging into the deep water,
​screaming out his pain,
​his screech was all he had,
​his stories were all he knew,
​his smile was what he was known for.

if someone asked me if i ever fallen in love,
the answer would be,
i fallen in love with a star,

eyes of galaxies, a map to the beyond,
a smile that shine so bright,
her hair black as night,
while her voice adds the stars,

their answer how,
then i'll just introduce them to you.

their was once a girl I knew,
it was no way to know i didn't compare,
for she flatters me with words,
and yet i always seem one step behide

she reminds me of the night,
my favorite time of day,
when i think of her,
beautiful comes to mind,


she can sing high and low,
shush any baby to sleep,
i wonder if she realizes,
how lucky i can be,
we all see our own flaws,
sometime blind to other's,
yet i swear i'm not blind,
she has no flaws,

i'll keep my promise to this day,
i'll try to be her knight,
even if we may be far away,
we'll meet again,
and that day be one of the best days i ever had,

so, my squeaks, don't go to heaven just yet, wait for me.

the knights in shining armor,
fighting the outlaws in the far lands,
i wonder where they been,
i wonder if they will take me,
yet i don't mind,
while i sit in my reality,
i can always read my fantasy~

don't you know i'm in love with you?
your smile,
your hair,
your scent,
your laugh,
the way you squeal,
but somehow you crush me in all the way possible,
you say you don't like anyone,
you talk about this guy,
i'm always livin a lie,
that somehow you may like me back,
so i'll hitch my feelings at the dock,

until you say it.

i can't understand the tug at my lips when i see gore,
when pain happens,
when i think of a painful memory,
yet my heart still squeezes,
still wheezes,
still sputters,
still hurt,
but because i carry on while the storm that is against me,
and the only weapon i wield is my smile,
because they will never know how broken i am

[ kind of a part two ]

i laugh when my eyes rain,
when raindrops trickle down my cheek,
have you ever realized that sobbing and laughing sound so similar?
when someone laughs they can be crying in the inside,
when someone sobs they can be happy,
i think its a way of laughing off the pain,
just so you won't give in,
because then you lost,
and we don't want that.

my heart is a shield, it shall make people heed before they fight into it,
my fists is a reliable weapon i do not wish to use, but i do,
my skin is where my weakness lies, where things can crawl all over it with or without my permission,
however my mouth is where i can strike those in the heart, its a canon i always use,
and my eyes?
my eyes.
one of the worst of them all.
my eyes can hold the warmest sun but also yield the coldest storm

soft glow to the sun,
as it rises,
bellowing with such a gift,
the birds start to sing,
the sun shall linger,
until the day is done.

sometimes i sit and watch them ponder,
mindless thoughts I think but none to spill,
no words to spill out onto the blank page that i have carved into their minds,
it drives them insane, makes them furrow their eyebrows, scowl, ponder, wonder,
i do not speak,
for words twist and turn, knotting into lies,
i do not lie,
so i do not speak.
simple as it is,
however i think its funny how they try to understand me,
they struggle to understand,
i believe they are blind to the common sense that was so given to them,
maybe it was taken away,
then again,
if they wish to understand, understand me,
just look at the words I can write.

baby, tell me i'm not crazy,
i swear i'm not,
i'm not mad,
the voices in my head don't lie,
maybe the world should die,
stop the lies,
i'm sane,
i just don't understand,
i try to be,
maybe that is what is wrong,
trying to be sane-
drives you insane.


                                    so aren't we are all insane?
                                which means insane is normal
                                          *see, i'm not crazy

in a way time is like a dime,
tails for passing,
heads for gaining,
because time is so limited,
a dime is limited,
so think it as this,
collecting all the dimes may gain you so much time,
but you'll be wasting the dimes,
because you never use them.

Wake me up,
I’m in a dream that I never want to escape,
Yet I fear,
Any longer I spend with you,
I may trip and fall for you,
Put my heart on the line,
Flick a dime,
Wishing it will land on heads because I’m heads over heels for you,
See?
My words fumble,
My writing falls,
I do not understand,
Why I must be living in this dream,
When
          it
            will
                      E
                           N
                                 D

I fallen for a poet,
I feel like I’m going to die,
The way she flatters me,
The way she writes,
The way she smiles,
All draws me in,
Like a moth drawn to a flame,
Please help me,
I don’t think my heart is working right,
It beats too fast,
I sweat too much,
Smile too wide,
All because of you.

I won’t take it back,
I’ll still love you,
It won’t help,
You tied me in like a spider,
Your a virus I can't lose,
So don’t ever untie me,
My head will fall off once you do,
And I don’t think I’ll live the surgery.

you once said you loved me,
you once said you hated me,
you  kissed me,
you hugged me,
you never damaged me,
I never understand the words you say,
until someone explained that love was not words,
but actions they do.