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1.9k · Jun 2016
Bitter
Pax Jun 2016
Sometimes life has a
bitter ending.
6word story.

Sorry for being away. Not sure i'll come back as soon as after this post. Ive lost my father just afew weeks ago. And im still in mourning even though i still cant believe his gone too soon from us. My friends and family advice me to stay strong. And i will but im not sure for how long, my loneliness and insecurities are eating me up inside. I can only share a few of my struggles. I was glad that i was able to tell my siblings what my inner struggle but im afraid what are they thinking right now, i know they love me but i cant still love myself, i hate thinking how much i dont like myself. I fear so many... i feel so tired at times without reason.  

Dear papa,

I wish your happy now in heaven with mama with you. I know how much you love her and us. Im sorry that sometimes i am not honest to you or i have put much distance between us when im in abroad working. Please don't take it too personally, i just wanted to be alone for awhile, trying to figure out what i want or need and im still searching in vain. Im sorry that im keeping a little disappointment from you,  thinking that you never cared for me. Because youll always say my sisters this and that, and that all your concerns are about their problem. Well i can't blame you, because when you say are you okay there? All i ever reply to you is im good. Even my relatives told me that he doesn't worry about me, perhaps beause they're thinking im too independent on my own that i don't need much of anything. Perhaps im just too good of an actor that they don't see what im struggling for. Okay, im all good now... ill make my life good as long as i still can. Thank you for being such a good father, ill miss you, goodbye...
1.9k · Oct 2016
poetic river ~
Pax Oct 2016

flowing words that ripples through,
painted pain in the waters
waiting to be
understood.

life is a river
we pass through many
paths and rock hurdles
along the way
some may block us
with a dam
but over time
life's rain
overflows our
waters as we
jump through
big walls
like a waterfall
we fall
and continue our
journey towards
the ocean....

© Pax
1.9k · Jul 2017
music sheet
Pax Jul 2017
there's a solemn tune in my core
that longs for warmth
- a melodic rhythm
that produces spring's blossom.

though my core is in
solemn mood
but the mind speaks
otherwise
  - its a mess.

still,
never have i asked
something great
like a grand
Autumn concerto
just wanting
his own
music sheet
playing the song
to the one
     who cares.

for how long
will I be
patient,
or where will
I ever find the sign
for the right
notes befitting
to my tunes?

asking questions
only time can tell.
I'll wait....
longing i knew so well...
1.8k · Sep 2015
The Game of Silence
Pax Sep 2015
I played the game, alone.
I talk to the air,
Imagining a friend who isn’t there.
My brain’s dual thinking.

- Checkmate -

Personification in strike
Persona’s colliding stake

- Stalemate -

Hello there my stuffed friend
Looks like we are a matched.
We’re Latched,
Encased in the four corners of our walls.
You know I feel restless looking at your frozen face.
Playing with stillness is a hollowed void.
Engross with my ever changing fantasy.
Choosing to ignore reality.
A sad case of my mortality.

- Workmate -

Music patched the necessary unattached realm.
Stories powered the desires to dream the unchallenged dream.
Life is a walking daydream.

- Lostmate -

There are those would think I am coward
And then I box myself not to move forward.
I fear what lurks behind someone’s soul,
Fearing I am not worthy of my own coal.
A charade of personas, hiding.
Tilting the crowd as if I am never there, post acting.

- Soulmate -

Believing you are near,
somewhere far behind that unseen chamber door.

- Castmate -

Sometimes I am just tired of this game.
Whispers of the wind, believing I am tamed.
Sometimes all I need is a real friend
That will hug-out the negative trend
For me to transcend
To the realistic perspective
Waking the sleeping life’s motive.
7 poems in one
" - would there be someone that will say I am still worthy... " That's what i said when i wrote this awhile back....
1.8k · Mar 2017
learn to swim
Pax Mar 2017
To why I did these kind of things
and to why I need to let go
to stop and just live.
Never minding what they say
about me or who I am
or dictate my life should be
I just want to be me
without Hesitation,
Barriers
or wall that blocks me from falling
into the river.
To stop fearing in drowning
and learn to swim
like everybody else has done.
I wrote this awhile back: April-11-2016. I can't believe that this is benefiting to what i felt the other day. I should learn to to swim and learn how to ignore the nonsense people say...
1.8k · Nov 2016
keeping up
Pax Nov 2016
Your eyes speaks much sorrow.
Your smile hides a deep sadness.
You act so normal like nothing is wrong.
How do you keep up with this harsh world?
How do you keep up to society with that melancholy behind your back?
How do you keep your temper calm?
How can you keep your focus intact?
How did you keep up with work?
All of your work seems on the right track,
like you keep things just right.
~
Would you share you secrets to us?

i wrote this questioning myself, many hows and now i don't know how to answer them anymore...

© Pax 2012
1.7k · Jan 2016
unloved
Pax Jan 2016
I’m not as loved as you think I am
I am just someone who thinks of love
share it at times but
I never got to have it.

1.7k · Oct 2016
I wrote a poem
Pax Oct 2016
I wrote a poem
hoping to give
it to you, will you
even read it?

I wrote it with an aching
heart, will you
ever read it?

The poem I wrote
was given a melody,
will you, will you
even hear it?

I am not a singer
nor a great writer
but will you
even hear my
heart?

will you?


© Pax
raw, i wrote this while listening to "Sia's Soon We'll Be Found"
1.7k · Jul 2017
right & wrong
Pax Jul 2017
I can say the right things
yet in the wrong time,
while I say the wrong things
in the right time.
seems contradicting but in truth, I better stay silent and listen more than confronting any situations thats for the later part....
1.7k · May 2015
untitled
Pax May 2015

I have stopped looking at the clouds
and start staring at cornered walls that surrounds me.

The clear skies that I would dream, wondering the complexities of its heights…

I often believed that the sky would make my dreams come true,
but in reality, all it takes to journey your dream is creating a stepping stone.
You can’t achieve anything without making any step.

I always like to jump into conclusion, fear of failure.
In this case, it hinders the optimism values we always have.

Diving into your deepest thoughts is just like scuba diving without oxygen.
We need to learn how to hold our breaths,  to accept everything
and process every obstacle in the depth of negativity.
For far beyond its deepness, there is light, shiny as pearls.
You’ll learn its wisdom, an insight that will guide you towards reaching any goal…


Written - 09/16/2013
Updated – 04/21/2014

I found this in my files while browsing  some old writes I have. one of my untitled piece that I never got to publish online, now i finally did.

thank you for reading.
1.7k · Apr 2017
commotion of emotions
Pax Apr 2017
In the weirdness of things I burn-out my own will
Begun to suffocate the breathless breathing.
Slowly I’m becoming dead,
the strength I held is not my own.
I still go on, like everything
didn’t seems to matter anymore.

In the commotion of emotions,
Fear is like fuel to my fire –
A spark that kept me block.
Lock on my own isolation,
prisoner of my own dominion.

I wish for the star to shine,
Yet it won’t glow for me,
Unlucky.

© Pax
this was the complete poem of this little piece:
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/959592/a-star-wont-glow/
2014 - old work of mine. But there was a commotion of emotions this week, I was sick with Typhoid Fever, I've eating something cheap and gotten me sick. It was frustrating, so alone for two days, its hard even to eat something. when you're in abroad, living alone, its hard to get sick.. even with a roommate, they would not care for you unless your dying. SO i just slept it all up, still in the end you get up and fend for yourself, pick up your pieces even your body is at the weak state. I guess this is adult life with no one to lean on to. sigh..
Now I'm a little better.
1.7k · Dec 2015
safe choice
Pax Dec 2015
I was the second choice and the safe bet
never your first.
this applies to life or love.
a quote.
a shout-out.

a sudden sigh.
1.7k · Dec 2015
-words-
Pax Dec 2015
Words inspire, Words transpire
They are the writer’s creation
a peak of the writer’s soul

A positive release
Or
A negative outcome

Dull words into creative thinking
Sparkles of wellness
Pure and Raw emotions collide
Reflections of what we imagine
Beginners and new beginning
Flows in a dynamic determination
Empowering its readers
Curious to meaningful insight
Playful art of thoughts
For me
For you
For everyone
To
Enjoy
a 3 year old poem of mine, inspired on how words create art.
1.7k · Mar 2016
responsibility
Pax Mar 2016
I don't think
I've ever live
for love.

Responsibility is quite heavy...
....love
of what
i wanted
&
needed...
1.7k · Jan 2016
enough?
Pax Jan 2016
what is enough
when you crave so much
?

shout-out!
Pax Dec 2016
You who have done wrong, who thinks your right.
In subsequent to your anger towards me,
you have no [right].
Still i ignore your snubs
treated it as a bluffs.
Glad that you ignore me
at times, even if you bore a grudge on me.
I'll received it as a parting gift
to forget whatever causes of grief
you've done.

I know this words will never reach you,
cause in life i don't want to give birth
to more misunderstanding. I am already
misunderstood and mistreated at times.

I just want to live-up to the silence of my comfort.
My independence is enough
to have a strong mind
and a stable heart to withstand
all the backslash of tongues.

a quote says:
everybody needs somebody sometimes
well i don't need one when I'm still able.

raw
"siya na yung may kasalanan, siya pa yung may ganang magalit and mag damdam. ang kapal, talaga..."

Now I understand that Bullies have low EQ(emotional quotient). They just tend to have fun at you all the times without realizing that they've done too much. It been long i haven't wrote something like a journal. I just want to release this thoughts running on my mind.
1.7k · Feb 2015
Addiction (six words story)
Pax Feb 2015
promise! This will be the last...
but then how many times did you say it?
asked yourself, is moderation in your jurisdiction? 

http://hellopoetry.com/poem/293509/single-doses/
1.7k · Aug 2016
bird
Pax Aug 2016
I was the bird in a cage
who never got to fly freely,
too domesticated to even
fly away
on its own.
http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/willyampax/1808354/
1.7k · Feb 2016
love is superficial
Pax Feb 2016
will  i end up alone
and lonely?
seems like
i can't love
anybody...

in this world
i stay cage
of society's standard,
wanting the things
that seems so superficial...

now i realize
my likes are also
superficial.
they never really
dug deep.

love is superficial
at least to me it is...

in the end
it seems i can't love
myself...

in this world #2


thank you for reading
me...
1.6k · Jan 2016
loner
Pax Jan 2016
i'M an empty shell
who pretends to be

**alive.
being me, is not easy, being a loner is hard, its not as easy as you can open up to anyone.
Pax Aug 2023
All I want was a shelter to feel comfortable with.
A warmth that you felt safe.
Trust for mutual understanding.
  And the pleasure you fully pledge to.  
  
    Seems like loving someone at this age makes us feel unsafe and unsecured, and mostly – at times, temporary.
It's been long.....
Pax Jan 2016
.
.
.
*I cry alone
Because that’s how I stay strong,

I cry alone,
Because that’s how I protect myself

I cry alone,
Because that’s how I stay ahead
of the game the next day.

I suffer my own struggle alone
And you wouldn’t why

I’m hurting inside
And you wouldn’t know why

I isolate myself
And you wouldn’t know why

I’m lonely
And still you wouldn’t know why.


just needed to get this out of my system.

thank you for reading,
with that its all enough...
1.6k · Nov 2016
1%
Pax Nov 2016
1%
There's something about
Love that you
wouldn't
know.
×
if 99%
of your life
ends up
in failure
that 1%
of luck
for love
is enough
to rebuild
yourself.
I guess in my file i never got that 1%, one of the reason why i wrote "unlucky". I think its enough for me to say this hypothesis. My failures are always on a safe distance to be okay, so even though this is just an observation, i still think 1% though very small, its enough for a person to stay tough and move through to life and love. Thanks for reading.
1.6k · Jan 2016
doors of possibilities
Pax Jan 2016
Doors*  *in the empty Twilight.
I am just a single step away,
Yet never finding the courage
               to just open one of them.


Possibilities…

*A thousand sighs as I wait.
I stood still, as I hold into the moments,
Looking, looking, & still looking…

All I wanted is a flickering sign
For me to barge in
without any hesitation
and bleed in accord to whatever
    outcomes that lays within.
there are some doors that you cannot just barge in and take the leap of faith or in our dialect "bahala na". Sometimes you needed to understand it more of what's out there, and feel if its the right time, that you are ready no matter what....


http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/willyampax/1406321/
1.6k · Jun 2014
Gothic Melancholia
Pax Jun 2014
The beautiful entity that hides in the walls of insecurities,
Drenched in septic opinions.
Purity in a brink of lost from the influence of invisible fears,
Drowning, almost - breathless
Little bit of innocence and its essence, survived!
Making life still worthwhile.


*© Pax
1.6k · Jun 2015
The day I stop dreaming ~
Pax Jun 2015
The day I stop dreaming
     is when I started my progress…

I never really understood to why, oh why
do we have to start a living?

In the city of progress, I became the mindless puppet
Of what we call ‘the clichés of society’
FOR NOW - I’m totally blind in all five senses
    to where my love should be place in…

From a specific today, I am robbed for my silence
Totally alone never wanted nor even needed
Conceivably A misplaced person in a ‘crazy world’
- or it is just me who thinks this way.

Sometimes I would think no one would ever really captured
                          - ‘the essence of my heart’
Or probably it was just me, who never did take noticed.
Guessing I am too
  - Perverse to feel anything within the walls of my five senses.

Despite everything else, I understood how Society lives by.
The imaginable ways it burdens and pleasure in
–> Giving –> Receiving –> Showing –> US
                                                         how life works with their walls.

I could never blame how our world becomes a harsh place,
Yet I could took the blame on US
   or our humanity is too faulty consecutively.
Too many Securities from any Insecurities.
Walls upon Wall of their Owning Glory,
      Almost nothing is free.

So I stand chained from cultural responsibilities,
for we were made to think this way.

Ashamed of what I discovered
So I hide in the covers of my pen
To write, just write,
A Written voice for the fallen..

A friend told me “I think life ends when a man stops from breathing and also when he stops from dreaming. What will keep us moving if we no longer have holds to aspirations, to hope...”

Then my friend, Kalypso answered a big part of it in her review on what I am talking about in this piece, she said: “being a dreamer for so long, having to pull my head and heart out of the clouds and start the mundane process every day, over and over again, would bring me into this realm of thinking. Wondering why we do ...what we do? What is the purpose of working just to pay bills and survive, but barely live? Feeling like I disappeared in the process of becoming an adult and taking on responsibilities. Having no time to explore the world. To ponder the mysteries of life...or capture the beauty of everything around us. How the monotony takes away your creativity and individualism, blends you into society, almost making you invisible.”

Then Rachelle’s questions arise saying: “Do we grumble? Do fall into a deeper pit of despair or do we try to figure out how to transform our reality such that the world is exciting and challenging again?”

With all those thoughts arises from my poem, I came to understand that despite I stop dreaming big, I still hold on to the little hope and a hint faith I have on myself that someday, in some way a dream could rise again from the burned pages of my bucket list.

I am thankful that I have find/found friends in my writings.
So I appreciate everyone who reads me, greatly....

http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/willyampax/1336541/
1.6k · Jul 2014
anxiety attack
Pax Jul 2014
My heart is in throbbing tone
My hands are as cold as stone

Sleepless, I become restless
Shortness of air, I become breathless
Controlling emotions seems helpless
An emotional distress

In the realization of my hyperventilation
I get dizzy and sleepy
My mind is on overdrive worry

Voices have strained my mind
And the Echoes have drained my body
Into a slumpy Winnie.


*© Pax
note:
You’ll never know the feeling unless you’ve experienced it. Knowing it is part of healing it - a knowledge about it makes you aware on how to handle it when it attacks... at least that's what i know...

I had experienced it twice that i lost control of my emotions...
1.6k · Jan 11
i am okay, alone...
Pax Jan 11
as i am nearing the edge of our fading sun,
as our world is one big aquarium,
- full of life...
      me, surviving the best i can, alone...
i thought i never long for that new life
born between my seeds,
all i knew is that i am okay, alone...
     no plan to plant,
just a fading list of the evading daydream...
     it's okay - everythings alright,
there's time, still,
   even if it never arrive,
     it's still alright
         for all the right
         reasons...
me trying to be positive in all things...
1.6k · Dec 2016
Overshadowed
Pax Dec 2016
Rock with double shadows
******* is hard to swallow
Sea of Pebbles in the sands of time
Roses hunt something that shines
Powders of snow shine in the dark
But it did not shine by just anyone
Alone, hidden in a sea of pebbles
------------Will you find it?-----------
Or it's just another thing lost
In the sands of time
© 2012 Pax
this was one of my older piece when i was starting to used imagery in my poetry. It was the First part of my Concrete poetry series, it was supposed to be a pebble shape, now im not sure(smiles). As i re-read it now and post it here, i realized something that i never thought of when i wrote it. I was writing it on a fantasy genre on mind, but now i know deep inside, even before, i am looking for someone who i can connect with, to share something with, to be with someone you can relax and trust upon... i become the rock who is lost in the sands of time, because the roses have gone away, or never got to find my shine.
1.5k · Jan 2018
never have i
Pax Jan 2018
Never have i lived to cherish
a bloosoming flower nor
never have i found one
to begin with.

Never have i been cherished
for people only see my dying
roots nor
never have i reach my full
growth,
i remain the
sapling who have
been judge too
      many to count.

Never have i want to reach
the losing end
a certain limit
So near, i fear.....
a poet for me - are thinker, observer, admirer of beauty, emotionaly smart but most at the time they're sad people looking for  understanding. @pax
1.5k · Apr 2015
sea of thoughts
Pax Apr 2015
I’m tired of carrying you at my back.
Keeping you well fed
to the point I starved myself.

Did you often wonder what I feel?  
Have you ever thought of what I really want?
Have you ever seen me without my deep façade?

The difficulty I'm facing is well kept.
Time after time it wears me down.
To the point of exhaustion.
When can I stop and have a little break?
My mind is full and my heart is heavy.

These questions will remain lost in the sea of my thoughts.




© 2013 Pax

a very heavy old fragment, still hung around, carrying, starving, well someday in someway I'll be able to let you go....
1.5k · Aug 2014
cold landscape
Pax Aug 2014
In a moment I knew I am cold
I began to prolong
The things I got used to
Never minding the numbness
And  the blasted frost bite.

I guess I got used to this feeling
    the make-shift of emotions,
Never falling.


*© Pax
one of my latest piece(August 17, 2014), a friend said: "We, humans are strange being, we sometimes love to prolong our agony instead of confronting it and get done with it."
1.5k · Oct 2014
worn-out clothes
Pax Oct 2014
I outfitted my worn-out clothes
Then in the far mirror, I see myself
I look behind the old me
Look pass the masked he wears,
Staring…  

After what seems like a few seconds,
I finally asked him;

“Have I neglected you?”

He didn’t answer…
A single tear fell in his left eye
And then I understood…

“I am sorry, I let you stay behind
masked for too long
muffled you for quite some time.
We all know society is cruel place to be.
We need to be strong and I needed to be stronger.
It was for our sake.
But then it was just me being a coward
                            - afraid to faced reality.

Now look at us, we’re both crying for the decisions
we’ve made long ago. It was not your fault,
I’m to blame with all of this crap.
I made you do it, I convinced you with my
Fears. And I am truly sorry for that.”


I break down into sobs. He simply hugs me, not saying anything.
Then he fades away.

I dried away the tears I shed
And found something,
     a feeling I never knew he give.
I found forgiveness.
I was able to forgive myself
From the things I did.
To stay past the past mistake,
To face the new kinda old me…

Then I realized;
It is important to forgive yourself
To be able to move forward.





written 09/27/2014
*© Pax
Taken from the depths of my soul. Very raw. An emotional pondering.

http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/willyampax/1419114/
1.5k · Jan 2017
a step
Pax Jan 2017
in passing of time,
as we grow old,
as i learned the wisdom
of the good and bad
in the rhythm of life
i stood still -
  in pause,
       waiting
              in silence.
at a passing thought
you'll never know
what's out there -
uncertain in most
                      cases.
in beating the odds
a step yet to have taken
    i only took a detour
for a time, just for a short while
yet I wouldn't have imagine
years has passed never did
i take a step...

dear readers,

i hope you would not think i have such deep regret buried deep inside,   i don't have those as of yet and hope not in the future, it is just that this nagging feeling that you've wasted your time, or i feel like i wasted too much of my time engaging on something  that i did not learn to loved. I'm writing now, because my heart seems to be so cloudy, and feel like crying for no reason... i hope by writing this, i'll find relief on the nagging feeling...

thanks again for reading.
1.5k · Feb 2017
price
Pax Feb 2017
there's a price
to every choice
&
not every payment
equates money.
Dear Readers,
I always thought that every decision we made is a free one. But now i realized that it is not the case, there will always be something of a price or a higher effort that equates every move & choices we make. Some are visible to perception and some are unseen, never noticed. It is like cause and effect, or you paid this to gain that or every choices has its own consequences either good or bad.

Thanks for reading ...

@pax
1.5k · May 2015
I ate my own hate
Pax May 2015
How I lie and break, broken till to the very tip of my bone
I dislike how I ate my own hate, swallowed till it reaches the gate
How the voices preach to breach the barriers of the untouched soul
Purity bleach the acidic preaches of ones owned,
rinsing the putrid echoes of THE hateful stone.

Innocence remains unreached; it’s a battle of everyday presence.
My pure essence survives the life’s impermanence.

Winning and Losing stands in equilibrium.
Life is not as tasty as the sweet brew.
no matter how much you hate yourself, never let the hate reach you heart and destroy you....
1.5k · Nov 2015
-cage-
Pax Nov 2015
I’m trapped; caged in, hard to get out
words flies, as truth denies
Shame!

Crows flocks in hunger
eating little by little of what you served
Overworked!

Shying away, evasive in many means
caffeinated poison
keeps me
**Awake!
OBSCURE words, Hides many things..........
1.5k · Feb 2016
Reasonable Justice
Pax Feb 2016
What's reasonable?
when you clearly don't know
what's enough
from too
much
...
.

The law has dual blades.
It can do bad as much
as it does good.

More often
when you
struck your
lawful blade
never forget
your safety
gloves.
I'm not siding on anyone or anything, as much as possible i am neutral to each sides, know that every story has its duality.

I wrote this when my reason can't get pass to a friend of mine.
Here's the story:
A thief now in ICU because he was caught and was battered almost to death by the house owner of his Target. The debate was on the subject to why our government permits the thief to file a complain(possibly attempted ******) to the owner of the house. I argue on the defense to the thief, he's human rights was ruled out, I was probably wrong on that part or not, i dunno really... But my main reason that my friend perhaps didn't understand is the excessiveness of the owner's punishment. Then probably my friend thinks that I am siding on the fault of the thief that's why I lose the debate, because he deserves to be punished, and yes he deserves it, but clearly we needed to point out a clear line to what's enough from too much.
1.5k · Sep 2014
Someone Cares
Pax Sep 2014
If I ever think I am not loved or just felt worthless,
all I have to do is think of
    someone - a friend or family
        who truly cares, and then everything
   comes in perspective.

© Pax
You know sometimes I feel like nobody cares for me, so that's why I penned this piece, not only to remind myself that there will always be someone who cares for you, also for my readers to remind themselves that you are not alone & also we are all worthy of this life...

it was an excerpt of my piece "if ever": http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/willyampax/1394533/
1.5k · Sep 2014
Something over Someone
Pax Sep 2014
To Forget Something is Easy,
but losing Someone is Hard.




*© Pax
a quote - never compare someone to a thing, things are easily replace-able, close friends/family are not and it is the most hardest to forget when you lost them...
1.4k · Dec 2015
labels
Pax Dec 2015
Sometimes,
you don't need any labels
to do what you love.
this was a comment back then as i read a particular piece here in HP, I've save it as a quote to share to everyone.
a quote, a reminder, a shout-out.
1.4k · Jul 2014
Blood soaked
Pax Jul 2014
Blood soaked hands in the land where I am forgotten
          -   The ugly amongst the fallen.
I am the coward amongst the monster.
      My plea for strength didn’t matter,
        for every challenge I get weaker.
More scared than I was, so I hide fast.

As I flee, never did I enjoy any glee.
Freedom is not free.
In this land I bleed with my creed.
Stupid me!
|
Yet I don’t mind, I am just one of the foolish kind.

*© Pax
being the ugly, being the lose end, sore loser... dark poetry.
1.4k · Apr 2015
hard to love
Pax Apr 2015
I love the idea of someone will be there for me
Yet in reality, I doubt it to be.
Truth that I knew so well
That I am hard to love seems no one can tell.
...sometimes this is what i know...
1.4k · Mar 2017
gray solace
Pax Mar 2017
I am not me like what you want me to be
        I am here like you always wanted me to be
How could I ever be me, the me I want to be

I’m tired of you, tired of crying in the dark.
pretending at the park
                - watching people talk with voices that barks
I feared it will spark an awful reaction stark
So I build an ark -
Sailed away into far,
                      far - dream land
where prejudice & judgment is not in our hands
but in the all caring higher being's commands.

Then again reality is never like that,
So I hide, I stumble, and I fall
     into the gray solace of my patience
The higher being cares, yet you need choices
to stay strong - fight and survived
                        until blessings comes along
                                and heal the dying soulful song.

© 2013
Old notes: "a positive poem I guess - i am not sure it's worth posting. Since the month of June, i became sickly... and i have lost my pen of expression and the courage to write a piece. I always lose confidence, lose my self-knowing that i can... lose everything all together to the overly sensitive soul, then fall into darkness, alone - then come back into the gray solace - never wanting to give up what i hope will come true, someday, somewhere in time."

now looking back at this note and re-reading this poem again, then posting it here, i realized that my driving force in writing is my emotional self, on which right now i feel dull, seems like im losing my will to write, and to cope up with realities barricades...

thanks for reading... hoping you and I can find something in this piece, something good, something nice, something positive to move forward to...
1.4k · Jan 2013
Be Yourself
Pax Jan 2013
You don’t have to be popular to be somebody
You don’t need to pretend to impress anybody
All you need is to be yourself to inspire everybody

you shine best by just being you

*© Pax
1.4k · Mar 2021
Quote itself
Pax Mar 2021
A poem is a story itself
it's just ambiguous
1.4k · Aug 2014
it keeps me sane
Pax Aug 2014
Living in this world, often times I feel - claustrophobic.
Living inside their system, often times I feel - restrained.
Living inside a shell, often times I feel so - distant.

Watching my world slowly collapsing.
Watching my reality in slow motion, pretending.
Watching my fantasy more than what’s real, it keeps me sane.


*© Pax
Sometimes when I feel like my emotions is eating me up and my mind is at constant wonder, I can't write or even concentrate. Sometimes I just lose myself into games and videos - watching, never minding about anything else. Just think about that world I am in the moment – seeing, working my mind to ease some negative emotions. Even though some people may think, I'm just laying around, doing lazy things. Actually I don’t like doing nothing. I want my mind to always work and always think perhaps because I just don’t want to think of reality too much. To avoid the things I don’t want to face, or afraid to face. I always mention in my poems about this door that I fear. Someday I’ll be able to open that, someday… (written last: November 3, 2013)

I still feel this from time to time, but bearable, I can make it, still surviving life...
1.4k · Apr 2017
I write not
Pax Apr 2017
I write not because i seek your truth,
i just do - for someone who seeks
understanding in all the doors we see.

I write not because i seek your pity,
i just do - for someone who seeks
understanding in all tough roads we
go through.

I write not because this is a job,
i just do - for someone who seeks
relief to the burden he has not
spoken out loud.

© pax
1.4k · Jun 2019
After all
Pax Jun 2019
its the night when your
life becomes sleepless

your day might be reckless
doing things after things
of uselessness

i am tired,
no, i don't need sleep
no, i don't need rest
i just want that feeling
i could hold and hug
to where i kiss and wish
be loved for me to love back

i sigh waiting for a sign
that i am still alive
after all.
I feel so dead, feels so cold for so long..
Happy B-Day to me.
1.4k · Oct 2015
Heart isn't Alone
Pax Oct 2015

Heart is blind without the mind to imagine
Yet the Heart is alive and it beats that speaks our soul
Heart does not function alone
But it's the Center of it all.

Our mind unites the five senses
---------------------------------------------------------­---------
The mind process what it hears
The mind creates what it sees
The mind evaluates what it smells
The mind appraises what it tastes
The mind senses whatever the body touches
The mind is only a machine without its core.
----------------------------------------------------------­---------
Heart and Mind connect
Because it's the most important to protect
It's a bond that is part of us ever since we were born
-----------------------------------------------------------­--------
                                                    It beats our fear
                                                     It beats our pain
                                                     It beats our sorrow
Our heart is our soul                    It beats our excitement
Where emotions are stored          It beats our pleasure
                                                     It beats our passion
                                                     It beats our love
-----------------------------------------------------------­----------
It speaks in silence
The mind only speaks what the heart tells
They communicate with a language that is unknown

The mind is neither good nor evil
But the heart is capable of being good or evil
The heart is capable of anything that speaks our nature
Even if your heart is dark as the darkest night
Another heart will give flame to start a light
A flame that will serve as light in your darkest night
This is how I perceived the mind and heart on how they work.

see the link below on how was it inspired.
http://willyampax.deviantart.com/art/Heart-isn-t-Alone-296733115

thank you so much for reading.
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