out with the old,
in with the new.
the falling of leaves, went in sync with the falling of the heart.
falling with the orange hues of leaves,
along with the warmth of your hugs
and with the intimacy of your kisses.
as i fall, i grew foolish. like a kid who were once fooled, like a grown-up who were once scammed of something.
i loved you like a child desperate of love and receiving love. i grew up wanting only your trust and attention, but that’s not what you want. as you set up all of your lies, your “too good to be true” stories, i became foolish. you fooled me once, fooled me twice, and fooled me thrice. now all i got was lies instead of love. love was the only thing i craved for yet you crave lust.
that’s what love does. it strangles you. yet we still want it.
it’s scary how someone can manipulate you by taking advantage of your trust.
it’s scary how you can be unaware of the things you’re willing to take even if it’s losing yourself to someone.
loving you, loving every centimeter of you made me love myself less, respect myself less and it was the most sinful thing i’ve done to myself.
— i lost myself as i loved you.
i was foolish to love you even more when all you did was to lie in front of my face.
i was foolish to love you even more when all you did was to control and manipulate me like a toy you’ll get bored of and replace.
it’s scary how you continuously say you love me, when you never really do. the feeling of not being able to speak for myself was more traumatic. i became a mess, thinking that one wrong word, and it’s all done.
i loved you so much to the point i water myself with fear.
from orange, it went pitch black.
there was never a time i expected all of the negative things to come from someone i thought who loved me, cared for me, but i was wrong. but **** it. i knew it was wrong yet i still let myself go this far.
out of all lies and foolishness, i grow as a better and wise person now. as i move past from it, i felt like the world needs to know this before i can move forward with being myself. one who can express her words more in writing.
every single thing in this world happens for a reason. now i know mine. all of the pain and trauma it caused, had its own reason.
all that was left from me is my ink, and your words.
but you know what? — scratch it.
i pushed myself trying to win you back, but there was nothing to even try. how can you sleep peacefully at night, knowing the emotional pain you caused someone?
i guess you can never answer that until you became your realest self.
as months pass by, i became frightened of you. knowing you can do all these things to me.
i can never be the greatest, newer version of myself without finding and getting back the lost parts of me from you.