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Nicole Dawn Jul 2015
Now would be a good time
To simply
D
     i
         s
             a
                  p
                       p
                            e
                                 a
                                      r
This suppposed to be longer, but I'm so confused right now that nothing was making sense
Nicole Dawn Aug 2015
I'm done
Someone **** me
An apology;
I'm sorry if I ever wasted your time by writing these things and you reading these.... I know they ****, but I have to write them.... Sorry

I'm sorry if you ever talked/ messaged me.

I'm sorry I'm a burden

I'm sorry I'll never be enough

I'm sorry I'm annoying

I'm sorry I'm too sad

I'm sorry for a million things

I'm sorry
Nicole Dawn Oct 2015
The harder I'm laughing
The more I want to cry

The brighter my smile is
The dimmer my soul is getting

The lighter my humor is
The heavier my heart is becoming

*Don't let appearances deceive you
Nicole Dawn Jun 2015
Society says

Don't cry;
That's weak

Don't talk about pain
That's selfish

Don't be smart
That's nerdy

Don't talk much
That's annoying

Don't be yourself
That's stupid
At least in my case
Nicole Dawn Jul 2015
Don't say,
"I'm ugly"
You'll insult nature

Don't say,
"I'm a mistake"
You'll insult God

Don't say,
"I'm sad"
You'll insult your parents

Don't say,
"I'm lonely"
You'll insult your friends

In fact,
Don't say anything
You'll insult something

You can think it,
But even if it's true,
**Don't say it
I've learned to close myself off...
Nicole Dawn Jun 2015
Don't even try
To tell me it will be okay
That God will make it okay

Because I believe in God,
But I do not
Believe I will ever be okay

Don't even try
To tell me I can trust you
That you will listen and care

Because I will never trust you
And I know
That you will someday leave me

Don't even try
To say there's nothing wrong
That I am overreacting

Because there is something wrong
And I am not
'Just a little bit sad'

Don't even try
To save me
Like there's anything worth saving

Because I realize
That I am long gone
And that I am too worthless to save

*Don't even try
Nicole Dawn Jun 2018
The flashing lights
A dance of your life

Spinning
Spinning
Don't stop spinning

The music thrums
Your body twirls

Around
Around
Can't stop moving

The drinks are sweet
Your mind begins to slip

Falling
Falling
Just let it slip away

The flashing lights
A dance of your life
Nicole Dawn Jun 2015
Dreams are mutated monsters
They've adapted to this world

They give you hope
Just long enough
To let their brothers in

And trust me
When that happens
The brothers will destroy you during the day
And the dreams will turn on you
And destroy you during the night

Dreams are mutated monsters
Not sure if this really makes sense, but it does to me.....
Nicole Dawn Jun 2015
The elements and I
Have a special connection

Earth:
I feel as though,
I am six feet under
Every day and night

Wind:
The gale's greedy fingers
Push me slowly
Toward the edge of the cliff

Water:
The strong ocean
Pushes me under
Continually

Fire:
The beautiful flames
Lick my skin
Slowly burning me to ash

I have a special connection
With the elements
Nicole Dawn Jun 2015
I swear
My soul was
Once full
But I was
More open than
I should have been

And I suppose
My soul hates me
As much as I hate me

Because as soon as
I opened up enough,
It fled
Nicole Dawn Sep 2015
Trust is like an eraser;
It gets smaller and smaller
With every mistake
Anonymous quote
Nicole Dawn May 2015
I was feeling so trapped;
I wanted to die.
I locked all the doors,
Thought, "why even try?"

Yet soon I want out.
But I can't find the key.
So I break through the window,
I've escaped now you see?
I was feeling very down awhile ago, but things are looking a little better now :)
Nicole Dawn Sep 2015
Every time
I look inside myself
I want to cry

Who is this girl?
She is disgusting
And ugly
And dumb

No one likes this girl

Every time
I look in the mirror
I want give up

Who is this girl?
She is fat
And stupid
And flawed

No one wants this girl

Every time
I think of my past
My soul starts aching

Who was that girl?
She was sweet
And kind
And lovely

What happened to that girl?

Every time
Every single time

**It hurts
Bleh
Nicole Dawn May 2015
Push harder!
Do better!
Study more!
You're supposed to be smart!
I'm trying...

You're so dumb!
This is simple!
You'll never understand!
Why are you even here?
I don't know...

Work harder!
Put some effort forth!
Why can't you do this?
I thought you were trying!
I just can't anymore...

You're gonna fail!
You'll never make it!
Why don't you just leave?
You're too stupid for this!
I know...

No one likes you just leave!!!!
*Fine
This was just to get some feelings out. I'm a little stressed so...........
Nicole Dawn Jun 2015
I opened my eyes
To the world
When I was born

Then I realized the world is crap
And now I want to close them

*Is that really such a bad thing?
Nicole Dawn May 2015
I am a failure.
Yes, I understand this.
Thank you
For reminding me though
I really needed that.

I know I am clumsy,
I know I talk funny,
I know all this.
No need to remind me.

I know I am worthless
I know I am hopeless
I already tell myself this
No need for you to also

Yes,
I know I am a failure.
I know this
I know this
I know this

Please though,
Do not remind me,
Let me talk to people,
And not feel guilty
Once in awhile

I know I am a failure,
Now do me a favor,
And quit reminding me
Nicole Dawn Jun 2015
You must be perfect
Never mess up

Be beautiful
Never average

Be smart
But not too smart

Be silly
But not ridiculous

No you're too fat
Too tall
Your hair is too frizzy
And what's with the bangs?

What are you thinking?
You look like a nerd
You want to look smart
But not that smart

Idiot
You're far too quiet
Be louder
But not so loud you're annoying
You'll never fit in

Just be perfect
Don't make any mistakes
Oh wait
It's too late for that

You stupid human
You're too human
You're supposed to be perfect
It's what everyone expects
But you're failing miserably
Nicole Dawn Oct 2015
SMILE
Like the world isn't collapsing around you

LAUGH
Like you aren't dying inside

GIGGLE
Like you don't have a care in the world

BEAM
Like the happy person you aren't

CHUCKLE
Like your life actually makes sense

GRIN
Like everything will be okay

LIE
Like you do every day

And no one will suspect
Nicole Dawn May 2015
I love how easy
It is
To fake a smile
Online.

Put :),
And suddenly,
You are smiling.

Put lol,
And suddenly,
You are laughing.

Who cares if it is real,
It's so much easier to be fake.
So go ahead,
Put :)
Or lol,
Tell me when this makes you
Truly happy
I fake being happy a lot, and it is so much easier online than in real life
Nicole Dawn Jul 2015
Anyone who thinks
You don't smile with your eyes
Has never had to fake joy
Nicole Dawn Sep 2015
Have you ever seen someone
Fall in slow motion?

A seemingly gentle descent
Till they hit the ground?

That's not possible
You reply

What about that boy in your math class,
Who committed suicide last year?

What about that little girl
Whose father beat the life out of her?

What about the teenager
Who took their own life?

What about all the people
Who hurt themselves each year?

What about the man
Who blew himself up last month?

What about that woman
Who hung herself from all the stress?

What about that mother
Who drowned herself for losing her baby girl?

What about me?
Have you seen me?

I'm falling
Falling slowly, but surely
And the ground is getting dangerously close

Trust me,
**It's possible
Why do people never see it?
Nicole Dawn May 2015
If I fall,
I will just have to hope
That I land on the
Bounce houses
And loose feathers
From pillow fights
Of my childhood

Rather than the
Broken glass
And hard concrete
Of my future
No idea where this came from...... I don't even really like bounce houses :)
Nicole Dawn Feb 2016
Fall little snowflakes, fall
Drift gentle toward the earth
Melt on small noses
Be the cause of big smiles

Fall little snowflakes, fall
Plummet cold and fragile
Turn those noses red
Be the cause of cold arms

Fall little snowflakes, fall
Crash into the cold hard ground
The people will hate you
Be crushed by heavy boots

Fall little snowflakes, fall
You think you're beautiful now
But people will hurt you
Be killed by their words

Fall little snowflakes, fall
You'll soon be killed by this terrible world
Interpret this as you want
Nicole Dawn Jul 2015
When I get "sick",
I get tired
But no fever

**Hmm I wonder why
Half the time I'm not actually sick
Nicole Dawn Jul 2015
Jumping high,
She stretched with all her might
Fingers passing inches below
The first firefly of the night

It flew deep into the woods
She chased it far into the night
But she was not afraid
Following that firefly's bright light

In fits and bursts,
It grew dim, then bright
And as it led, she fearlessly ran
Deeper and deeper, into the twilight

The night grew darker
But the firefly brighter
The girl ran on as,
The forest grew quieter

This part of the woods
She had never explored
"Come follow me, follow me"
Her beacon implored

She followed yet further
The beasts of the forest grew near
But still she followed
And felt no fear

A last turn she was led on,
Then onto a beach
A pond, long held secret
She stopped, flushed as a peach

Soon she had to go back
With her the firefly stayed
To light up her soul
And forever brighten her days
Nicole Dawn Jul 2015
There are some
Who are fireworks
They light up the sky
Earn lots of "ooh"s and "ah"s

Then there are the flames
The ones who light the fireworks
Their job is important
They allow the fireworks to shine
Some notice them
But not many

And finally there are people like me
The matchsticks
Yes,
Just the wooden bit
We don't get noticed
We don't shine like the others
All we do
Is burn away
So others aren't burnt

We are useful
But not necessary
We don't dazzle
And we are easy to come by

In this world
Of fireworks
I just wanted a fireworks poem for 4th of July
Nicole Dawn May 2015
This poem
Is for anyone
Who feels as if
Wave after wave
Is crashing down on them.

This poem
Is for anyone
Who lost their
Very best friend
And is in the depths of despair.

This poem
Is for anyone
Who crashed
To the ground
And doesn't know if they can get up again.

This poem
Is for anyone
Who can't breathe
At times
And doesn't know why

This poem
Is for anyone
Who is standing on a cliff
About to fall
With a strong wind at their backs

This poem
Is for anyone
Who wants to write
About real things
But can't force them into words

This poem
Is for anyone
If you want or need to talk, feel free to message me and I will listen.
Nicole Dawn Jul 2015
Today I bled for you Grandma
I'm sorry I wasn't enough
My grandma committed suicide when I was six, and I spent the whole night thinking about it, how if I had been a bit better or smarter, or something, she might still be here. This is the result of that
Nicole Dawn Aug 2015
I am like a fossil

I built my stone walls
Nice and sturdy
Around my true self

And slowly
Very slowly
The true me disintegrated


And as I faded away
My rock walls stayed strong
And soon a that was left
Was an imprint of me in my stone walls

And I became a fossil
Nicole Dawn Jul 2015
Who wants to be friends
With a girl who's
Heart is stone
Face is masked
Soul is decaying?

That's why no one likes me
Nicole Dawn Jun 2015
Keep your friends close
But your enemies closer

It's a good rule
But here's a better one:

If you want to survive
Keep 'em all at least
An arms' length away

Because if you let them in
When they leave
And they will leave

It just might **** you
I know from experience
Nicole Dawn May 2015
I believe that,
Human wisdom
Can be summed up in one phrase:
"Full moon"
You can never see the moon "in full,"
Only half of it.
It's like,
When someone says,
"You have my full trust and devotion."
But that's only true,
Until someone better than you
Comes along to,
Give their "full" trust and devotion to.
And anyway,
The moon is never "full"
Very long either.
Nicole Dawn Jun 2015
Yeah,
I'm stranded in
The middle of the ocean

Yeah,
It's because you left me
And took the boat

Yeah,
That hurts
But it's okay

*Just make sure you get home safe
I don't care if I die, as long as he stays safe, even though he is the reason I'm sad
Nicole Dawn Jun 2015
Put on some lipstick
So you look like
You are smiling
And no ones sees
The sadness

Put on some mascara
So you look like
Your eyes are twinkling
With joy
And no one sees
The deadness in you

Put on some foundation
So you look like
Your skin is shining
And not
The grey of exhaustion

And finally,
Put a slice on your arm
To repay
Future mistakes
And to remember
You are real
Nicole Dawn May 2015
The only thing worse
Than giving up in the night
Because you can't stand it anymore,
Is giving up
As you watch the sun rise,
Because all you can think is:
*There's another night coming
Nicole Dawn Aug 2015
Go ahead,
Break your promises
Destroy my smile
Laugh at me
Tear me down
Make me cry

Go ahead
I don't care
It's what I'm used to
Everyone else does it

So go ahead
**** me
It's what you wanted
Right?
...
Nicole Dawn Sep 2015
When everything fell apart
I said
"Goodbye for real this time"
And those simple words
Are slowly killing me

And those simple words
Will be my last words
Before I die

How... ironic
So funny I forgot to laugh

Sorry to anyone who read this... I am way too tired to be writing lol
Nicole Dawn Aug 2015
Goodbye Dalton Stuck
I don't know why the lord
Took your life early
But he did

Goodbye Dalton Stuck
I didn't really know you
But you will be missed
By each and every person's life you touched

Goodbye Dalton Stuck
I can't believe you're gone
I send my prayers to your family
And friends

Goodbye Dalton Stuck
You are gone
But your memory lives
And goodbye is for now
Not forever

You will be missed
*Goodbye Dalton Stuck
A kid at my school passed away last night after horrible ATV accident. His 13 year old brother is still in the hospital. Prayers for him and his family please. Goodbye Dalton.... You will be missed
Nicole Dawn Jun 2015
The laws of gravity are simple

What goes up
Must come down

But what goes down
*Keeps going down
Nicole Dawn Jul 2015
I am not afraid
Of the great lakes

Despite their vastness
Despite their coldness
Despite their power
Despite their deepness

I don't know why
I suppose it's because

I already know my insignificance
I already know I don't matter

My heart is already colder than the water
It cannot hurt me

This pain I feel
Is more powerful than the strongest waves

And I am not afraid of drowning
In their depths
In fact, I hope for it sometimes

So no,
The great lakes don't scare me
This one's not as sad....
Nicole Dawn May 2015
Have you ever played
Green screen door?

Anything with
Double letters
Can go through

Anything without doubles
Stays behind

Sadness can go through
But joy stays

Depression may pass
But love may not go

Anxiety-attacks can go
But calm must stay

I can pass through
But my sister cannot

I think I see why
Nicole Dawn Jul 2015
Brittle as glass
Strong as steel
Truth is powerful
So keep it real
Just trying something new :)
If you want to add to this, write another section and tag it #growingcollab
Look for the latest version of the poem using that tag
I hope you enjoy this :)
Nicole Dawn Jul 2015
Brittle as glass
Strong as steel
Truth is powerful
So keep it real

The beach is dry
The sea appears green
The sun light blazing
On a sky so clean

We seek it and love it
Hold it so near
Like a bell ringing
Sweetly and clear

Sweetened and pure
The water overfloweth;
The truth separates
The liars and the voiceless

As tis we hath choices
To settle the scene;
Some seeketh reality
Others liveth in dreams

And between these things
We keep our head's topped;
Speaking honesty in mantra
Wherein one's ears shalt pop

And aloft the floss
Of the sky that is greyish blue;
We shalt travel by wingspan
Showing amour so true

In depths we dive
The sun we trust
Till we hit the
  rocks
And get shattered to dust

Holding our breath
The pressure gets worse
This mighty
  sea  *has never
Quenched anyone's thirst
This is just all the sections that I've seen for the collab put together. Feel free to add to it :)
Nicole Dawn May 2015
You know that you are growing up
When you realize that

"Be strong"
Really means,
"Don't bother me with your problems"

"It will be okay"
Really means,
"It will never be okay, but just tell yourself otherwise"

"I'm sure no one noticed"
Really means,
"Everyone noticed, but was too nice to mention it"

And that
"No one likes you"
Really means,
"Just leave us alone, nerd"

"You are so stupid"
Really means,
"You will never fit in"

And finally,
"Why are you even here?"
Really means,
"Just go **** yourself already."
Growing up *****
Nicole Dawn Jun 2015
I swear
This guilt
Will be
What kills me

Here I am
My life is good
I should be happy
Or at least not
Whatever this is

I should not be sad
I have such support

There are so many
Who have it worse
Who am I
To feel this way?

This guilt
Will be
What kills me

You'll see
I don't know why I feel guilty for being sad, but I do
Nicole Dawn Oct 2017
My hair is crazy

It is frizzy, tangled, wild

My hair cannot be tamed
You cannot confine it

It is not glossy and smooth
Gently curled
Flowing and sweet

My hair is crazy
My hair is free

My hair is not beautiful
My hair is not calm
My hair does not fit in

My hair is crazy
And perhaps that's okay
Definitely a 1st draft, just a quick distraction from an essay I've been working on :)
Nicole Dawn Jul 2015
My heart is so broken
I'm so totally worthless
So my heart is for sale
Half-price only

I think it still works
I know the pain
And fear section does

The bit for joy
Is long out of use

And the piece for love
Is quite broken

But it mostly still works
So,
I've got half-price heart for sale
No idea where this one came from
Nicole Dawn May 2015
The world is a dark
And dangerous place.
And it sometimes feels,
Like there is no escape.

You need a reason to smile,
Or put a grin on another's face.
So I challenge you,
To write a happy poem.

About your very best friend,
How life is worth living.
About hope and morning light,
Whatever makes you smile.

You need a reason to smile,
Or put a grin on another's face.
So I challenge you,
To write a happy poem,
Today.
Sometimes I need to be reminded to write about happy things, so I just put this out here.
Nicole Dawn Jun 2015
I hate myself
I really do
Everything about myself
It's awful

The way I can't ever explain how I feel
Just right

Or how I am so freaking
Ugly

The way no one likes me
Because I don't fit in

How I never sleep
And cry each night

I hate myself
Totally and completely

Someone told me that this is selfish
Well I'm sorry
I'll just quit trying to hate myself
Because this pain is clearly intentional

**I hate myself
Hey, I'm sorry if I'm selfish
It's not like I'm trying to hate myself
It's just kind of necessary when you're me
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