Hearts of steel
Hearts of stone

Hearts of diamond
Hearts of dust

Hearts of paper
Hearts of plastic

Hearts of steel
Are strong
Sturdy
Reliable
But you can never see inside

Hearts of stone
Are strong
But from pain
In the past they were
Hot lava
But they've hardened
By the world's touch

Hearts of diamond
You can see inside
Their deepest fears
And weaknesses
But they are strong
You will never break them

Hearts of dust
Are vulnerable
Beautiful
But blown away
By the first gust of wind

Hearts of paper
Rip easily
But can be
Put back together
And be mostly the same
They record their life's pain
On their heart

Hearts of plastic
Are clear
You can see inside
They are melted easily
Damaged effortlessly
But kept safe
They are lovely
And wonderful

Hearts are not
Simply blood and tissue
They are
Steel and stone
Diamond and dust
Or paper and plastic
Or many more

*What is your heart made of?

He loves me;
      He loves me not
He is proud;
      He is angry
He hates me;
      He hates me not
He holds me;
       He hurts me
He says he's sorry
        He's really not

He loves me?
         He loves me not.

Help me

I'm dying

I'm drowning

I'm freezing

I'm falling

I'm burning

I'm suffocating

I'm something

So please, please
*Somebody help me

If you ask me
"How are you?"
You'll get one of two answers

Either,
"I'm fine",
Or "Same as always"

Well "always" *****
And I'm not fine

So don't bother asking me
"How are you?

Because 'always' is not okay
And I'm not fine

If I told you that,
I can hold my breath for
Two and a half minutes,
You may ask,
"Why hold your breath when,
You live in a world filled with oxygen?"

I will always reply,
"It is so,
When life starts to drag me,
Beneath those waves,
I will survive
**That much longer."

Just hold on...
People tell me

Hold on to what?
Hold on *for what?

Nobody's coming
I'm not getting saved

But still I hold on
My knuckles are white
My hands are shaking
But I'm still holding on

I made a promise
And I keep my promises

You say
Just hold on

And I'm trying.
For you.

Hope:
The biggest killer of them all

It will lift you up high
To send you crashing to the ground

Hope:
The most painful gift around

It will keep you alive
Just to torture you longer

Hope:
Heartbreak disguised as joy

It will let you feel whole
Just to shatter you more

Hope:
The biggest killer of them all

*It will give you love
Then watch you drown

How did I get here?

I have a
Knife in my heart

Sword in my soul

And a bullet in my head

Yet I'm still going

How does that work?

How is it,
That a mere thought
Cuts deeper
Than the sharpest blade?

And how is it,
That the sight of you
Hurts more
Than the deepest cut?

What is a question,
That elicits a thousand answers?
That is more complex than,
The story of the universe?
More confusing than,
The mystery of religion?
Yet a question that,
Is asked all the time?

The question is:
"How are you?"

I look at pictures
From years ago

Even then
I thought I was
Ugly

Yet when I see the pictures,
I see a beautiful stranger

I don't know who she is,
Except people say
She is me

But she looks so bright
Radiant
And happy

And she is beautiful

She looks innocent
Young
And lovely

Surely,
This girl is not me.

I was never that happy,
Or innocent
Or bright

Was I?

I compare the girl in the picture,
To the girl in the mirror.
How is it possible,
That these are both me?

I'm screaming
But you can't hear

I'm hiding
In plain sight

I'm running
But getting nowhere

I'm dying
Yet I'm still alive

And most important:
**I want to die
Because you don't care
But won't carry it through
Because I'm afraid of hurting those who care

To make a poem is simple
All you need is

Nights of tears
A bit of blood
A lot of pain
A touch of peace
Heaps of feelings

All you need is

Pure exhaustion
Fear
Anger
Love
Sadness

All you need is

A whole load of
Emotion

Then when that explodes
Out of your body
You just need to somehow direct
All of it onto
A piece of paper

That's how you make poetry

Humans*

We cry when we are happy
As well as when we're sad.

We laugh through our pain
And say it is joy

We lose our way
To find ourselves

We hurt others
When we are hurt

We are mixed up
We are humans

Have you noticed,
That no one ever cares
About a bomb,
Till it explodes?

And when it does
People regret letting it live?

They say time will fix me
But you are still gone
I miss you each Christmas
Each birthday
Each day

They say time will fix me
But that is an idea for children

They say you are in a better place
But how can I be better without you
Who am I without you?
Without your smile
Without your love
Without you

They say you are in a better place
But that is a story for children

They say "sorry for your loss"
But how can they understand?
They don't know you
Know your quirks
Know your insecurities
Know you

They say they are sorry
But that is an excuse for children

They say there is a reason you are gone
But what could be the reason
I lost your beautiful soul
Beautiful heart
Beautiful mind
Beautiful everything

They say there is a reason
But that is a comfort for children

They say things like I am a child
But I have not been a child since you left
You are gone
And I am alone

My heart pumps
My lungs expand and contract
My veins move blood

I am alive

I am fast
I am strong
I am tall

I am athletic

I am lonely
I am sad
I am struggling

I am depressed

I am proud
I keep going
I never give up

I am strong

I am compassionate
I get panicked
I love to write

I am all of these things,
And many more,
But above all else,

**I am human

I am not a rose

I am not delicate, I do not have thorns
I am not careful planted, tended, watered
I am not loved

I am a dandelion

I am not wanted, I do not grow where I'm told
I am random, sporadic, persistent
I am wild

I am not a rose*

I am not picked for beauty
Just to wilt
I am not chosen for love
Just to fade

I am a dandelion

I am picked to destroy me
But I will not die
I am killed to make me go away
But I will not fade

*I am not a rose
I am a dandelion

I am wild
I am free
And that is okay

I am not like him
I am not like her
I am not normal

What I most resemble
Is a coffin
With a smiling face drawn on top

Happy on the outside
Dead on the inside

I am not normal

If I could have
I would have
But I couldn't
And I can't
And I'm *sorry

I feel like I'm drowning
But I can see others breathing

And somehow
That's my fault

It's like if I could just learn to be normal
Everything would be okay

And back to the drowning thing;
It's like I'm just inches from the surface
But I don't have the energy to reach it

But I also feel like I'm burning
And freezing
All at once

I know that makes no sense,
But it's like being so cold,
Your insides are on fire

I feel like I'll never be enough
Like everything is pointless
And I have no energy
But I can't sleep at night

Like,
I haven't been posting
On this site
Because I couldn't find the strength
But now I'm posting
In a last attempt to hold on

And it feels like being sick
Like, you know you're going to die
And you know it will be soon
You just don't know when

And it's pointless
I'm pointless
Life is pointless
Everthing is pointless

And I don't know what to do

I'm dying,
Please,
Someone help me...

This is how I feel
I don't know what it is
But this is how I feel

(I'm so sorry)

I remember,
The day we first met,
Just like it was yesterday.
We began talking,
Then you said,
"I only like to talk,
To people who are
Somewhat intelligent."

And I don't understand
I don't understand
I don't understand

Because around you,
I can barely put two words together,
Let alone forms words and sentences
That are
"Somewhat intelligent."

So I don't understand
I don't understand
I don't understand

Yet you keep on talking,
You are witty and nice.
You make make me feel happy.
I start to smile and even laugh

But I don't understand
I don't understand
I don't understand

I begin to relax,
I tell a dumb joke,
It wasn't funny but you laugh anyway.
I listen to you talk.
Just keep on talking.
Just keep on talking.

Still I don't understand
I don't understand
I don't understand

But please keep on talking.
I don't understand.
But please keep on talking.

If I fall
I doubt anyone would care

And if they did,
They'd probably be
Relieved

Not concerned

More of a
"Finally,
She's gone"
Sort of thing

Not a
"Oh no,
She's slipping"
Sort of thing

But if for some odd reason
You see me falling
And want to help

Just walk away
Just let me fall

You can't catch me
I'm too heavy
From the weight of
Lies and regrets

We would both fall then
And it would be my fault

So if you see me falling
Follow your instinct,
*And just walk away

If joy were a person
It'd be you
Dear sister

If kindness were a person
It'd be you
Sweet friend

If peace were a person
It'd be you
Kind soul

If goodbye were a person
It'd be you
Old friend

If hopeless was a person
It'd be me
Cruel world

If you ask a scientist,
A human is a machine,
Life is a category,
And emotions are chemicals.

If a human is a machine,
Why can they hurt?
If emotions are chemicals,
They must be acid.
I think I'm in the wrong category.
Life can't hurt this bad.
No one would survive.

If I'm a machine,
I must have a rusty part.
Or two.
Or three.
Or many.
Or all.

If emotions are chemicals,
Mine must be ionized.
Unbalanced.
Unstable.
Unsure.

If you ask a scientist,
A human is a machine,
Life is a category,
And emotions are chemicals.

I'm not a scientist.

I just want...
To look in the mirror
And not be disgusted

I just want...
To use my voice
Without telling a lie

I just want...
To wake up each morning
And not regret it

I just want...
To sleep at night
Without the nightmares

I just want...
To be able to think
And not want to cry

I just want...
To smile again
Without being fake

I just want...
To look at my wrist
And not see blood

I just want...
To live
For once in my life

*Is that too much to ask?

You said 'I love you'
And I said it too

You said you'd never leave
You'll always help me breathe

You said I made you happy
Even though that seems a bit sappy

But you see:

I know that love is not real

I know that forever never lasts

And I know that happiness is a lie

And oh god,
*It's gonna hurt when you're gone

Imagine seeing someone you thought cared
And on Halloween knocking on their door
And saying trick or treat
Then watching them smile
Then say, "close your eyes"
You trust them
And close your eyes

But when you open them
There is no one there
Only a note that says
Trick
I never truly cared

Imagine that hopelessness
Imagine that feeling of despair

Now multiply that feeling by 1000
And you'll be close to how I feel
*Every **** day

It feels like I'm dying
Like I'm being burned alive
From the inside out

I feel hopeless
Helpless

And as I burn,
I scream
And I cry
But no one ever sees

And I feel myself dying
And I try to want to live
But I can't
I can't

Not when I'm burning inside
And then my thoughts take over
Every little thing is huge

The fire burns hotter

I'm starting to melt
I can't breathe
I'm dying

My vision is gone
Sound is fading
Everything is...
Gone

I'm dying inside

I'm dying
But I'm not dead

I'm fine

I'm bleeding
But there's still blood

I'm fine

I'm suffocating
But there's still air

I'm fine

I'm falling apart
But my core's intact

I'm fine

*I'm lying
I'm not fine

I miss our talks
I miss your smile
Rare as it was
I miss your eyes
The way they were dark and beautiful
I miss your voice
I miss your laugh
I miss your tattoo-artist dreams
I miss your strong mind
I miss helping you with math
I miss everything
I miss one thing
*I miss you

We're all in a race
The race of life

It's kind of funny;
Most people try to run
Away
From the finish line
Rather than
Toward it
At least in this race

But as we all know,
The rule of racing is
That you need to try and
Get to the finish line
As fast as you can

So don't blame me for
Trying to follow the rules

Are you anorexic?

No,
I'm not anorexic
I've just got a
Stomach bug

I've never heard of
A stomach bug like that...

Yeah,
It's really weird
They just discovered it
See,
It actually spreads
Through your mind

Well, what are the symptoms?

It's simple,
You feel fat
And lazy
And stupid
All the time

And it makes you sick,
And then you don't eat

Sounds anorexic to me...

*I'm not anorexic!

I'm fine, I say
My fingers crossed

No, really, I'll be
Okay
Truth is for weaklings, right?

Oh that scratch? I'm
Klutzy is all
A little lie is all
Y**eah, okay, maybe I'm not fine

I'm sorry world
I didn't mean to burden you
I know I shouldn't be here
But I'm here anyways
And I'm sorry

I'm sorry world
I know I only mess things up
I know I don't belong
But I'm still here
So I'm sorry

I'm sorry world
It's not like I want to be here either
I didn't have much choice in the matter
But I wound up here
And I'm sorry

I'm really really sorry world
But no worries
I don't plan on sticking around much longer
Anyway

You're welcome

I'm very sorry
I must have
Read the dictionary wrong

You see,
I was under the impression that

Forever meant
For the rest of time
Never ending
The rest of my life and beyond

Truth meant
Not lying
Meaning what you say
Being straight with me

Sorry meant
You feel bad
An apology
That you didn't mean it

So I apologize
For the miscommunication
I must have been
Reading the dictionary wrong

I'm stuck in between
Used to be
And could have been

Between
Falling
And splatting

Between
Numb
And agony

Between
Deep
And deeper

Between
Sad
And gone

I'm stuck in between
(More commonly known as the present)

If I wanted to describe you,
I would need to learn
To write in numbers

For there are only
Twenty-six
Letters in the alphabet
But an
Infinity
Of numbers

And I would need every one of them,
Just to describe you

I see flowers blooming,
And bees buzzing,
And I think,
Innocence

I watch you run around
Barefoot,
Because you don't like socks,
And I think,
Innocence

I laugh as my dog,
Leaps in the lake,
Without a care in the world,
And I think,
Innocence

I smile at your excitement,
In the little things,
Because at your age,
Everything is exciting,
And I think,
Innocence

I sit and watch the world go by,
And I know
The world has lost it's innocence.
But as I see these little things,
I think,
Innocence

And I know,
Not all has been lost.

Depression is sad
Awful
Horrible

But if you are attempting
To be positive
I guess you could say
That it has it's pluses

For instance:
I no longer fear death

I can climb to the sky
Walk as close to the end
As I like
I can jump from higher
And do more

For it has been quite awhile
Since I last feared death

Why do I not cry?
Tears are evidence of pain
You can't see my pain

So yes I do cry
You just do not look for pain
So you just see joy

I have a knack
For putting babies to sleep
No one knows how
Or why

But I have a
Slight idea

I believe
That babies
Can hear my
Invisible tears
When no one else can

And they mistake that
For the sound of
Soothing rain
And that is why they sleep

Is it bad,
That I no longer
Play my favorite games,
Simply so I don't have to see the word
FAIL
One more time?