He’s afraid of the ocean
because he doesn’t understand why the shoreline deserves to be kissed
every time they push the waves away.
He thinks we’re all going to die and it’ll be for nothing;
that will live to fill up empty spaces like headless bees
with a desire to sting the very first thing we touch.
He believes that these limitations and politics are pointless
because apparently keeping your hands to yourself was something someone made up
because they were crookedly insecure about themselves.
He looks up at the sky and hates the moon
because it doesn’t burn bright enough to cover up all the secrets that the stars hold.
So he blames the system and closes his eyes and goes to sleep.
He listens to renditions of the same story told in fifteen different ways and is captivated every time because its so simple
and so easy
to have someone teach them for you
instead of sleeping on a bed of blades.
He doesn’t even walk
he saunters
and nods as a hello
and wears baseball caps
because maybe it’ll shadow the lies he wears creased between his eyes.

He isn’t real,
no matter how many times you touch him.

He’ll claim that he is a bearer of the sun and that the light is the ode to freedom
but you’ve never in your life kissed anything so cold.
He’ll whisper to you and you’ll want to whisper back,
but you’ll find yourself driving home
screaming at the top of your lungs
because you left drunk
and he was more worried about his career
than your heart through the windshield
when he could've just drove you home himself.
He’s Pinocchio and you’ll end up wishing he could lie better
So you could feel like a respected lady just once.
But his tone reminds you
that the only kind of love a boy like him is made for
is the kind of love that leaves you bleeding and wet.
He’s an empty auditorium full of reverberating echoes
and you’ll spend your time
waiting
sitting
wondering
when the show will end—
Not even realizing that the jokes on you.
You could’ve drawn the curtains at any point in time
but you didn’t
because he was smiling
And nothing in this world is as lethal as his smile
as he tells you
there’s nothing to be afraid of

Those words are bullets
and you weren’t wearing any armor.

I've been slipping
digging
into my heart,
using these broken nails
to crawl my way out of this dirt
that I buried myself into.

"No," I've promised myself.
"This world-- it's hypnotizing.
It'll **** the soul right out of you."
The hungry skies will feed off of your light
to make the stars shine.
The world might be flat in the way it feels when you hit the floor,
but it will still fold into you
like a lock twists into a cage.

Don't ever forget
to keep dreaming
keep thinking
keep breathing,
for the world will take it from you
and you'll never be able to live again.

If you don't swim you'll drown.
If you close your heart in the way you close your eyes,
you'll never wake up.
The heart never sleeps,
and the longer you keep yourself in the dark,
you'll close your eyes.

*And never wake up.

I slipped
and found the bruises beneath my feet.
The damage wasn't in the fall,
it was in letting go on repeat
just to get back up
and walk on these empty, sawdust streets.
The fall was full of periods,
composed of all your incomplete sentences.
The ground held all the broken bones
of the broken hearts.
The rain drowned the tears,
the thunder muffled the screams.


Yet, you found your hands in front of you
and your feet on the road.
Your fingers kissed your lips
as you took your first step
from the way down.

On the way down, you find the courage to let go of the things you were strong enough to let in.

I've never tasted a color before,
until I met you and hit the floor.
Counting the wood chips,
I can see the way your heart trips.
So, I've tied my tongue to save myself
but I still turn to find your heart beside mine on the shelf.
Nightmares force me to think of you,
cause I’ll wake up remembering this is the way you felt, too.
The sirens call for you in the night
But your a heavy sleeper, try as you might.
I wore this dress and waited for you
months later, alone, it turned blue.
Then, one night sleeping in the rain,
I found your promises in my pockets to explode the pain.
They didn’t come from where you locked it,
but I took them, and waited for my heart to split.

I'm wearing this color, because it's full of love
and I'm waiting for you to see me
Yet, you don't even know my favorite color
painfully knowing this is the only way this is going to be.

The amount of eraser shavings I have tucked away in my night stand could fill up twelve pencil boxes.
Words have been erasing from my paper like hunters beating down trails for homeless, bony foxes.
And I'm afraid of all the words that I'm going to forget as I'm running blind, straight ahead.
My unclipped claws are scratching the dirt in a race that won't settle anything- that won't lay the hunters to bed.
The night couldn't get anymore viscous as it calls in the boisterous wind to erase everything that I have to say like a merciless king.
The hunters don't know there is no pack leader, that I'm alone, and the tracks I leave behind are the words that sting.
I've lost sight of my pages in this cold, lightless wood; rendered breathless and afraid.
I'm trying to speak, but all that's coming out of my mouth are eraser shavings and the hunters have already took their first bullet to invade.
So, the drawer beside my cold bed is composed of red, crumbled pieces of rubber full of words I'll never know.
As I lay beneath the menacing branches, waiting for the hunters to pass,  I watch with crackling, shaking bones everything
that was once a friend to me, dissolve like white snow.

When I'm upset,
the world turns gray.
It's this natural force
that I consume
and it's a curse.
This sort of power
ruins things.

But the only comfort
these type people ever need
is a simple acknowledgement of affection.

Put the paper down and
look at me.
Throw that god ****** bottle away and
look at me.
Put the money on the other side of the room, sit up, and
look at me.
Before it's too late.

Continuously,
they would say the wrong things.
Do the wrong things.
Try the wrong things.
It's sad really,
because what all that I need is written in my eyes
and I'm an open book if you just simply ask.

But no one does.

Do put it down, throw it away, sit up, and
Look at me
Before I walk out the back door.

See me for who I am;
all the greatness I've done.
For my accomplishments;
for the pain that I endure
and all I do to push through.

All I need is for you to look at me.

Do put it down, throw it away, sit up, and
Look at me

But it's too late.
Time ticked and went boom.
Night turned to day and I realized
I was wasting my time
trying to make you
Look at me.

But now you can't because...

*...I'm already gone.

She doesn't know if anyone notices
That it shows in her face.
It was different then as it is now;
The damage tucked in the angles of her face-
In the shadows, in the light, beneath her eyes...

She could feel it changing
The way her laugh has suddenly become
A mechanism to not make her happy,
But others happy.
To push away the questions that would
Come crawling from concered hearts
From the thunder storm hanging
Above her head.

They aren't concerned for her being,
They're concerned for their curiosity.

Her smile used to reach her eyes,
Now it doesn't even reach her heart.
The path that connected emotions
To features was destroyed in the storm.
Like nature, it's going to take a while to recover.
And even when it does,
It will never be the same.

Just like her.
She won't ever be the same with every passing storm.
Every smile will be struck with lightening at night.
Every laugh will be drowned with the pouring rain

Just like her,
The storm has become her.

Tonight
You wont be able to sleep
Because of me.

But
It's because of you
Why I haven't been able
To dream.

Whenever I tried talking to you
you pushed your hair back
to tell me
you've always had it worse.

Maybe silence created you
to rebel against nature,
oh they did well.

I've once seen lifeless eyes speak
a million words
one of them was yours.

Maybe tears created you
because that's all you are
in my arms.

The hands of the clock
don't go back,
but you cling to them
to a time that's long gone.

You are a gone girl.
G  o   n      e     g     i        r       l

Words.
There coming out your mouth
and you got me beggin'
push them out

Days go by
And I don't see
Why you
Keep on coming
Back to me.

Time.
Is forever at a still
Waiting for you
To spread your wings
And go home.

The clouds begin to cry
The sun continues
To hide.
Baby you got nothing
But apathy.

And I'm telling you this is wrong.
Thinking
Maybe we can fix this
But I'm screaming
"Wrong".

Floorboards.
Continue to crack
With every step you take
Coming to me.
The night is just
So dark
This light is completely
Blinding me
Can't you see that I'm
suffocating?

No stars align
The moon isn't fine
When you say
Your beautiful.

And I'm telling you this is wrong.
Thinking
Maybe we can fix this
But I'm screaming
"Wrong".

No fights seem to end
We will never settle this
Settle this.

The temperature
Is rising
And we are melting into
Nothing.

This is just wrong.
Feels wrong.
Looks wrong.
Stays wrong.

You're nothing left
But pictures on the wall.

Surrounded by a million people
That aren't you...
Where did you go?

I searched the crowd to find your face
But all I found was red and tears...
For you.

I wanted to run down that aisle
And rip everything apart
Because they thanked the sky
For bringing you somewhere safe.

I almost laughed in their face...
They know nothing of you,
And where you are now.

It began with the ocean
And it couldn't have been more beautiful,
But it grew crueler when they kept
Meantioning a certain someone
Who claims he has plans.
Or so we assume so to keep us asleep at night.

This wasn't supposed to be about plans
This wasn't supposed to be about the greater good
This was supposed to be about
Our little infinitities.

It was shattered and we were left to
Find a new way
By grieving in a chair feeling
The presnece of you slice its way out of us
Like a knife to the throat.

If this is something we are supposed to thank a certain someone for... I think we all need a little readjustment in our values.

Dreams,
What little they mean when your hands are around me, chocking me.

No stars align
The moon isn't fine
When you say they're beautiful.

A week ago you were here,
and now you're gone.
My mind tries to flimsily grasp
the unfathomable that swirls around
the empty pit you left inside of me
due to your sudden departure.

They said you floated on at impact,
suffering not in the vocabulary.
They said many other things,
but it just lead to claw scratching questions
we will never be able- nor want- to get the answers to.

So we sit here and wait for the grief to cut its path
like a storm waiting to pass.
The ones you left behind,
truly lock eyes for the first time
beginning to understand what the
true meaning of love really is.

So we live here, living for each other...
for you.
We pass hugs and condolences,
tears and admiration.
Cries and laughter.
For you.
For us.
To pass the grief.

You were a warrior,
and silent king.
You were a beautiful light,
a spouting sunflower.
But you left too soon,
gone any trace of you.

So we are left here remembering you,
keeping you alive in memory
and alive at heart.

A week ago you were here,
and now you're not.
But every time my feet touch the water
at the shoreline in the brisk wind,
I'll remember what you always used to say:

*"Float On"

I wasn't afraid of you, you know.
You had your team and your burning stares,
but I wasn't afraid.
Little did you know, I had my arrows pointed at you.
We all had the same passion-
In the beginning that is.
We all wanted something out of this experience.
But most importantly,
we all wanted to be on top.
So we started climbing the
cold, ragged, stormy mountain
to see who could make it to the there.
I was behind in the beginning,
invisible from their distance above.
A tiny ant that could be stomped upon,
an inconvenience.
But in the distance below,
through the evergreen trees
and the cold rustling wind,
I had my arrows pointed at you.
I started gaining up seed,
respect,
gratitude,
confidence.
I saw the looks of your faces as I was passing by you.
The defeat.
Looking into the those eyes,
I still had my arrows pointed at you.
And I reached the top.
With callused feet and sore muscles.
With an aching heart and an uneven chest.
I looked down below and then saw your laughs.
Your smiles.
I heard your words.
You had your fingers pointed to me.
They were now my demons,
haunting me in the light.
The were now scars on my heart,
locking myself further and further away.
But in the night and in the light of day,
I had my arrows pointed to you.
I’m dancing on this mountain,
at least for right now.
Because I’m at the top,
so why not enjoy it.
But my arrows are still like a live wire
between my fingers
pointed at you.
I saw you today.
I tried to look away,
to keep you and your heartless soul
in a distant memory stored away
like a forgotten childhood trait.
But you swerved your path and fell right into mine.
Intentionally.
You want me to be afraid.
You want me to regret the decisions I made.
You want me to be weak.
But darling,
you've got it all wrong.
Because when success seeps through my veins
and you’ll be forced to hear my name
every day- to you, like nails on a chalkboard-
remember this.
That I was never afraid.
I made the right decisions.
I was never weak.
Because my arrows were always pointed at you.
And now the fingers of life are the ones
that are letting these arrows target straight to your heart.
And like always,
I’ll always be at the top of that mountain with
With callused feet and sore muscles.
With an aching heart and an uneven chest.
But this time you won’t be laughing and smiling
and saying false words about me.
You’ll be afraid
because I’ll have my dignity
and my team of burning stares
with our arrows pointed at you