My skin shivers
at the thought
of staying still

My lips quiver
in fear Im
never leaving here

My soul begs
to soar up
to the sun

My mind desires
my body to
travel all over

My ears crave
the sound of
the crashing waves

My hands reach
for the sand
beneath my feet

-ARI

Child
Waiting
Eyes searching
Torn heart pleading
For a new family to take him home
A family with forever in mind
Another day
No one came
Please wait
Child

-ARI

With clouds gentle wisps of wonder,
dancing at my fingers tips.
With a gentle freedom smile,
growing on my parted lips.

With lovely little laughing dreams ,
in cotton candy colored skies.
With nervous hope were holding tight,
on airplane wings were flying high.

-ARI

I walk peacefully
Pacing the shore

With sand scratching
Beneath my toes

Gentle waves washing
Against beaten stones

Strong boats bravely
Exploring the horizon

This is always
Where happiness happens.

-ARI

..300, 4..
I don't want to count
The calories anymore.

-ARI

My perfect lullaby
in liquid form.

-ARI

Because I am a man
Preferring men over women
I am often cursed and shunned
By the society we are lost in.

Because I am a young adult
Mere 20 years beneath my belt
The older generations claim
My fresh ideas could never help.

Because I am a woman
With no children in my arm
Others pull their kids from me
As though I'd bring them harm.

Because I am a Muslim
With a hijab on my head
Millions often blame me
For tears their brothers shed.

-ARI

No one ever listened
To the words I had to say
Maybe when Im gone
They'll feel the words
Written by my shame

-ARI

You fell for the girl
with a travelers heart
who's eyes mimic
the worlds most vibrant art.

You loved the girl
with marks on her skin
like permanent kisses
from the places she's been.

You held the girl
with songs in her soul
which she learned from experiences
you'll never know.

You were angered by the girl
who left you alone
'cause the need for adventure
was etched in her bones.

-ARI

It took me five years
To find red lipstick wearing courage

It took you five days
To steal it


-ARI

The words
Be happy
They make me angry
For the words be happy
Do not fix me

The words
Just eat
They irritate me
For the words just eat
Wont make me hungry

-ARI

I stand sadly by my window
Watching as winter once again
Claims all that surrounds me

I once loved this season
Of icy snow, wool socks,
And fires to keep me warm

But now I dread stepping outside
For I know I will never again
See your footprints next to mine

Blood washed away
Skin all healed
My puckered flesh
Like twisted kisses

These scars
Across my body
Like braille
For the broken hearted

Fingertips
Grazing my legs
As if reading the cause
For my pain

There's no need to speak
For words
Are not needed
To tell my story

-ARI

The freckles across her unknown face
Were like stars kissing her cheeks
And I was envious of them.

The scars across her tired legs
Like a map showing me each place
Her mind has ever been.

Her weary chest a living urn
Holding ashes of which I have learned
Are from her love now dead.

The smile sweet upon her lips
Fake as the words on an actors script
But few will ever know that truth.

The liquid drowning her bright eyes
'Ever ignored like time passing by
Now finally I can see her.

-ARI

I never could save her.
I tried. I swear I tried
But she was just too far gone.
I couldn’t find her
Inside the too twisted depths
Of her lifeless eyes.

They use to be a vibrant green
With passionate oranges rings
Dancing around her pupils.
Now you'd never guess
There was ever anything vibrant
Held within that girl.

-ARI

From mothers arms and fathers feet
To shaking hands and ***** streets.

From sweet smiles and tender kisses
To a lost little child no one misses.

From overalls and teddy bears
To daytime tears and nighttime scares.

From bubble bathes and lullabies
To scarred up skin and lifeless eyes.

From parks filled with plastic slides
To a box with nails stuck in its sides.

-ARI

Eyes
       Fluttering
                      Mind
                              Sputtering
                                               Lips
                                                     Muttering

Hands
          Shaking
                      Bones
                               Aching
                                          Heart
                                                   Breaking

Pain
      Showing
                    Tears
                            Flowing
                                        Sorrow                                                  
                                                  Growing

Nails
        Gripping
                      Skin
                            Ripping
                                        Red
                                             Dripping

Girl
      Falling
                Mother
                           Calling
                                      Life
                                           Stalling

Head
       Pounding
                      Silence
                                 Sounding
                                                Death
                                                         Grounding.



-ARI

I always swear work doesn’t affect me.

Trauma?! HA! Never.

And for the most part I am ok.

But suddenly I realized as I counted every single calorie; every single bite… scrubbed every surface and washed my hands far too many times..

The fear of gaining weight; of relying on everyone else to care for me…

Just might be coming from the living people whose bodies are actively rotting. Flesh and fluids dripping off the sides of my stretcher.

My ambulance regularly becoming a biohazard until I’ve scrubbed every inch.

Listening to the sounds of weeping patients on their way to the ER for the 5th time this month because no body cares about them.

It’s not death that scares me. Not loss of limbs or sight that worries me. It’s not having anyone who wants to love me. Not having anyone willing to speak for me when I am broken. It’s the idea my mind can be pristinely sharp but my body defeated and needing someone. But no body cares.


That possibility is petrifying.

-ARI

Another sleepless night Im having
Bothered by these unfair thoughts.
Crippled by the guilt im feeling
Destroying my once lovely dreaming.

Every time I see her face
Fear rips through my tightened chest.
Gentle laughter now forgotten
Hatred for myself still blooming.

I feel as though Im always followed
Jumping at each and every noise.
Keeping to myself and crying
Learning to hide from my nightmares.

Maybe one day I'll be just fine
No longer blaming myself.
Or perhaps I will never change
Possibly only becoming worse.

Quizzical is my way of thinking
Ridiculous I have become.
Sulking in my darkened shadow
Teetering on the line of insanity.

Unwanted pain fills my soul
Vanquishing my beautiful memories.
Withering away from everybody
Xenophobe I now have become.

Zealous I will never be again.


-ARI

Small
Sweet girl
All alone
Holding herself
Pinching the extra fat upon her thighs
Five miles. No meals. hope one day she'll learn
Beauty cant be
weighed by a
Lifeless
Scale

-ARI

I have alcohol in my veins
Telling me I’m not ok.

I have anxiety in my brain
Slowly driving me insane.

I’ve a heart that I’ve kept caged
Even though it can’t be tamed.

I keep looking for beautiful change
Knowing life’s an unfair game.

-ARI

I try so hard
not to hear
your quiet tortured sobs
ripping through my head

I try to sleep
but I can still feel
the weight of all your tears
weighing down my pillow

I try to ignore
searing pain gnawing
my every tender limb
from the blades you took to yours

I try to close
my bloodshot eyes to block
images of your bloodied body
laying beneath once clear water

I try to move
but its as if Im frozen standing
watching you fade away countless
times, your heart never stopping

I try to reach
hoping to touch your weary face
wanting to wipe the misery
from your beautiful eyes

I try to show
you I exist but every time
I reach for you I break the mirror
and youre gone once again

-ARI

Dear darkness surrounding me,
do me a favor,
And come swallow me.
i cant take anymore of this,
Im falling into your nothingness.

-ARI

There was a time
I sat alone

empty heart
broken soul

I spoke not
for words escaped me

my fingers trembled
bones all aching

I thought it better
for no one to know

I wanted to leave
but had no where to go

-ARI

I listened but I heard no sound
Falling from his lips.
Instead I heard my beating heart
Wanting to meet his.

I loved how his hands would follow
When his mouth would move.
For a busy mind like mine
His tender voice did soothe.

-ARI

Beauty is the Beast
That creeps beneath my bed.
Weaving together nasty thoughts
To place inside my head.

Beauty is the beast
That wakes while Im asleep
Her red eyes 'ever beaming
Sharks teeth 'ever gleaming

Beauty is the beast
Burrowed in my bony chest
Cat claws scratching at my ribs
I swear beauty never rests

Beauty is the beast
That sings my soul to sleep
With the promise of her lullabies:
A little waist and perfect thighs

Beauty is the beast
Once creeping beneath my bed
'til beauty braided with the thoughts
Now waltzing in my head
-ARI

Her wish for life,
A simply beautiful world.
She asked for love,
Never perfection.

To experience the world,
Slow to settle.

Her time to change,
To live as if life,
were ageless.

-ARI

I'm sorry my sweet darling
I should have held your hand
Pulled you close to me
And asked you for a dance.

-ARI

Small innocent child
so sweet and beautiful
with a heart so wild
and smile so brilliant

With soft blonde waves
caressing rosy cheeks
and enchanting blue eyes
filled with vibrant wonder

Everything about you
is everything I love
Forever and always

Bald head
Brave smile
Tired limbs
Shaken soul
Hopeful heart
Aching body
Weary eyes
Quiet home

Color fading
Heat escaping
Vacant eyes
Heavy bones
Lifeless body
Broken hearts
Blue lips
Heavy stone

-ARI

I
Don't have
Time for this.
I can not have
A meltdown. I am an adult, **** it!

-ARI

Yesterday

a momma dreamt
of rocking her little girl
while she read sweet stories
of a fairy tale world

a father dreamt of smiling
while he shook his sons hand
the day that little boy
became an honorable man

a big brother dreamt
of the day that his mother
would finally bring home
his new baby brother

Today
a momma's rocking
her precious little girl
afraid come tomorrow
she'll no longer be in this world

a father is crying
while he holds his own hand
for his perfect little boy
will never grow into a man.

our children are dying,
at least seven a day
their siblings are lying
saying they'll be okay.

tubes like little serpents
cover their beds
they’ve little to no hair
on their sweet little heads

September is here
now our voices will be heard
our words will reach
every inch of this earth.

-ARI

No eyes can see me
Though Im always there.
Forgotten and abused
But no one seems to care.

I feel like a human heart
Caged inside a living chest.
Ever beating; never freed;
No escape until my death.

-ARI

From the innocence
That she portrays
You'd never guess
She'd seen such days
Of drugs and *****
And easy lays

You'd never guess
Upon her cheeks
Once lived the tears
That always wreaked
With self disgust
At its highest peak

You'd never know
Upon her thighs
Is where shes written
All her lies
And in those scars
Her hatred hides

-ARI

You held my hand
Close to your heart
You kissed my lips
And swore you'd never leave

You held my gaze
Spoke the sweetest words
You smiled brightly
While you danced with me

Dear Momma,
The monster got me.
He dug his nails
Into my bones.
I swear every
Time I cried
He rejoiced
My tortured groans.

I fought hard,
Momma. I swear I did.
I gave up everything
Ive ever had to give.
He took my hair;
My piece of mind.
Yet still he wouldn't
Let me live.

But there's one thing
He'll never have, momma
No matter the pain
Or immeasurable weight
Of this hellish trauma.
He'll never have my soul
For your love for me
Is far too great.

They said I was special
Called me brave and strong.
Claimed me a warrior;
They've never been more wrong.
For I was but a child
Too afraid to turn around.
They'll never know that truth
For my heartbeat's 'ever gone.

-ARI

Mirror mirror on the wall
Why must you make me see it all

From the bags beneath my eyes
To extra fat upon both thighs

Every scar that marks my skin
From where I start to where I end

Why must I hear your laughter
Your cruel thoughts and evil chatter

Twisted words that break my heart
Come from you; they tear me apart

-ARI

If I took your hand
And wrapped your arm around my waist,
Would you pull me close
Or push me away?

If I smiled at you
And asked for one dance,
Would you leave me alone
Or give me a chance?

-ARI

I took the words
you wrote for me
and locked them
in my soul

Like the fireflies
caught on warm
dark summer nights
and placed inside a jar

Your words so sweet
they give me dreams
and helped guide me through
all the fears I couldnt see

We're all lost in
a maze known as life,
and were just trying to find a way
around the walls on both our sides.

But every time we think
the hard parts almost over
We come across a barricade
that makes our broken hearts seem colder

The old have "been there, done that"
And the young are left to be lost.
While we're slowly left to wonder
We think not what our own actions have caused.

-ARI

Lovely little ladybug
Lovely little thing
Lovely little melody
Made from simple dreams

You think you know all you see
But nothing is ever as it seems
You don’t know much of anything
'Cause this Worlds much bigger than you or me

But don’t you worry Little one
We have the skies and we have the Sun
You have my heart now take my Hand
And we can ride to our promise Land

-ARI