Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
ARI Apr 2015
..300, 4..
I don't want to count
The calories anymore.

-ARI
2am
ARI Nov 2014
2am
I try so hard
not to hear
your quiet tortured sobs
ripping through my head

I try to sleep
but I can still feel
the weight of all your tears
weighing down my pillow

I try to ignore
searing pain gnawing
my every tender limb
from the blades you took to yours

I try to close
my bloodshot eyes to block
images of your bloodied body
laying beneath once clear water

I try to move
but its as if Im frozen standing
watching you fade away countless
times, your heart never stopping

I try to reach
hoping to touch your weary face
wanting to wipe the misery
from your beautiful eyes

I try to show
you I exist but every time
I reach for you I break the mirror
and youre gone once again

-ARI
ARI Feb 2014
Brick after brick I laid down
To create a bridge to your heart

Years Ive spent assembling
A path to the one I love

Fingers sore and hands bleeding
Heart pumping and head aching

I was so very close to you loving me
Until you turned around

My bridge had hit a wall so hard
So I started yet again in a different direction

I had built a thousand bridges
Tore down a thousand walls

But you built your walls faster than I
Could ever tear them down


-ARI
ARI May 2017
Dear heart
Dear mind
Tell me please
What you're trying to find.

Your insecurities
Your tears
Have shredded me
I'm lost within my fears.

Please stop
Please wait
I'm begging you
Relieve me of your self-hate.

-ARI
ARI Dec 2014
Bald head
Brave smile
Tired limbs
Shaken soul
Hopeful heart
Aching body
Weary eyes
Quiet home

Color fading
Heat escaping
Vacant eyes
Heavy bones
Lifeless body
Broken hearts
Blue lips
Heavy stone

-ARI
Another child has been taken by Cancer.
ARI Jul 2015
Help
The kids
Theyre dying;
Their minds breaking.
For theres not enough laughter in the world.

-ARI
ARI Dec 2013
With clouds gentle wisps of wonder,
dancing at my fingers tips.
With a gentle freedom smile,
growing on my parted lips.

With lovely little laughing dreams ,
in cotton candy colored skies.
With nervous hope were holding tight,
on airplane wings were flying high.

-ARI
ARI Oct 2014
You had it
The job you wanted
Swore it'd change your life

And the house
You had truly believed
Was what your family needed

But your heart
Still felt too heavy
To give to your wife

Unable to understand
Why happiness never came
It wasn't something easily explained

So you searched
The moon and stars
And all the stories written

Hoping to find
Your peace and all
The hidden glories of heaven

Searching so long
You never saw, you
Already had what you needed

And you didn't
Even know the sound
Of your child's heart beating

Many years later
As your body began
To slowly tear itself apart

That is when
You stopped to listen
For that voice calling "daddy"

But by then
That child has gone
Your wife's light has died

That is when
You finally will realize
All that you really had
ARI Jan 2016
I wish,
I could keep you
Free from endless fear.

I wish,
I could save you
From the never ending tears.

I wish,
I could tell you
All the stories of my years.

To insure you,
You aren't
Alone.

-ARI
ARI Mar 2015
Innocent child
Pale skin and eyes glazed over
Cancer, let him go
Too many mothers, fathers, siblings, friends, and other loved ones are left alone to cry these words.
http://www.stillbrave.org/
Ana
ARI Sep 2015
Ana
Hush!
Don't make a sound
Shes coming
Can you hear her?

No!
Don't open your eyes!
If you see her
She will never leave.

Stop!
No!
Please, child
Don't listen to her!

Shes lying!
Beauty is not kind
Beauty is not caring
Beauty only wants your soul!

She will scrape her eyes
From the top of your head
to the tips of your toes
and she will laugh

She will mock you!
She will make you
Wish for a death so cruel.
She will make you hate yourself!

You will be glued
Helplessly weighing yourself
Begging God to take away
Just five more pounds

Then one day
Beauty will leave you
Crumpled up on the bathroom floor
Barely a breath inside your lungs

As her hateful eyes turn to walk away
The last sight you will ever see
Will be the broken spine
Of the demon named Ana.

-ARI
I wish I could have saved you
But couldn't even save myself.

Ana- Anorexia
ARI Sep 2015
From the innocence
That she portrays
You'd never guess
She'd seen such days
Of drugs and *****
And easy lays

You'd never guess
Upon her cheeks
Once lived the tears
That always wreaked
With self disgust
At its highest peak

You'd never know
Upon her thighs
Is where shes written
All her lies
And in those scars
Her hatred hides

-ARI
ARI Dec 2013
Usually it seems to be,
It would be the older writing to the younger me.
Id be old, bitter, and lonely too,
Then id sit down to write a letter to the younger you.
But in this hour of which Im in,
Iv’e decided to justify my greatest "sin".
To explain what is done will always be done,
And to tell of the things I have lost or have won.

To start off first let me ask you this,
Remember the girl who shared your first kiss?
And how you loved that her vibrant smile,
Seemed too stretch on for a million miles.
One night It seems I had made a "mistake",
The moment I heard my body did shake.
I was blamed for the changes to her beautiful figure,
And cursed on the night she pulled the blackened trigger.

Though now as I sit with my son right beside me
His sweet little presence sets my soul free.
So small, fragile and innocent he is,
I know I need to make the world his.
I spend every hour searching high and low,
To insure my son will always grow.
Not just in a strong physical way,
But into a man he will be proud of from day to day.

Ive thought long and hard about what I gave,
To the mother of my child I couldn't save.
She blamed me for making her body grow,
All the love I had for her never seeming to show.
She blamed me for always letting her be wild,
and for not letting her **** our unborn child.
She claimed her want to destroy him was true,
though it became something she couldn't do.
On the day she went to hand over our newborn son,
She couldn't do it and decided she was done.

I received a saddened call one night,
From a woman telling me my son was alright.
His young mother had written a letter that day,
To explain why she had taken her own life away.
My son was given to me in the morning,
along with a terrifying custody warning.
Though my sins have brought me great pain,
From them my saving grace I did gain.
So never wish to erase the past,
Because for me I want it to last.
I love my son more than anything,
And I would never risk changing a thing.

-ARI
ARI Mar 2015
Anxiety
   Fear, uncomfortable
      Haunting, stalking, shaking
          Always following, mixing with every situation
       Laughing, dancing, loving
      Wonderful, desirable
 Excitement
ARI Nov 2016
Anxiety has an army
She's marching through my head.
She's twisting up my body
I swear she wants me dead

She's climbing down my throat;
She's wrapped around my spine.
She whispers in my ear
"Your souls forever mine"

Anxiety has a song
Of harsh and dreadful laughter.
A voice that tells your story
As unhappily ever after.

She'll rock your broken mind
Until all you do is sleep.
She'll dig her nails into your head
For your joys she craves to reap.

ARI
ARI Sep 2015
Every penny looks the same
When you find it on the street.
Scratches cover its surface;
Unknown junk makes it unclean.

I wonder who was the first to use it
I wonder whose hands had held it close
I wonder where that one penny has traveled
I wonder who let it go.

Every beggar looks the same
When you find them on the street.
Scratches cover their surface;
Unknown junk makes them unclean.

I wonder who was the first to meet him
I wonder whose hands had held her close.
I wonder where that beggar traveled
I wonder who let them go.

Every girl looks the same
When you find her on the street.
Scratches cover her surface;
Unknown hands make her unclean.

I wonder who was the first to hurt her
I wonder whose arms had held her close
I wonder if that girl would travel
I wonder why she doesn’t go.

-ARI
ARI Aug 2015
I'm sorry
My appetite
Is quite often not present.

I'm sorry
I can't
Eat four meals each day.

I'm sorry
You feel
As if you are responsible.

I'm sorry
You're stuck
With a girl like me.

-ARI
ARI Dec 2013
Time slowly slipping by my tired eyes,
With every drop of medication dripping through my IV.
The doctor tells me he doesn't know,
When my body will be healed enough to leave.
Needle after needle puncturing my bruised skin,
The taste of chemicals on my tongue.
I quickly grow weary of waiting,
On the pain to finally go away.
Nurse after nurse coming in,
To check my pain and vitals.
Im tired I say just leave me alone,
But they tell me I am not well enough.
The smell of latex suffocates me,
Drilling itself into my memory.
Wires and tubes stretching everywhere,
Ive forgotten where they end and I begin.
What a terrible thing to feel trapped,
In such a clean sterile environment.

-ARI
ARI Mar 2015
Lay down beside me
Lights off; Hearts open

Wrap your arms around me
Bodies warm; Cheeks grazing

Tell me the stories of your life
Souls dancing; Eyes laughing

Show me all your sorrows
Minds understanding; Wounds healing

Teach me everything about you
Worlds uniting; Moons colliding

Let me love you,
As you have loved me

-ARI
ARI Nov 2015
I have watched you die
    A thousand times.
Like a **** movie 'ever
    Playing in my mind.

I have said goodbye to you
A thousand times.
Yet still can not accept
You are gone.

I have cried and apologized
A thousand times.
Though I still don't quite
Understand why.

-ARI
B
ARI Jun 2016
B
All she wanted
In her life
was a little baby
To hold at night.

Boy or girl
To complete
her crazy
world.

But all she ever got
Was a doctor
Shaking his head
Saying:

Sorry ma'am but
The baby is gone
Sorry ma'am
Just stay strong

You'll be alright
You'll be okay
Just close your eyes
and try another day.

But she didn't want
to try again.
For every night
She'd close her eyes

Counting her babies graves
and all the names
She'd never say
And she'd just pray

'Oh Lord,
not one, not two,
not three, but four,
when will death
come to my door
For I cant do this again."

All this pain
All this aching
In my heart and
Bleeding in my brain.

For now
She'll say goodbye
Yet again
For that's what they expect.

All she wanted
In her life
was a little baby
To hold at night.

Boy or girl
To complete
her crazy
world.

But all she ever got
Was a doctor
Shaking his head
Saying:

Sorry ma'am but
The baby is gone
Sorry ma'am
Just stay strong

You'll be alright
You'll be okay
Hold yourself
Just hold on tight

You can try
Again some other time
But little did he know
time wasn't on her side .

-ARI
For all the hearts ripped away,
The moment their baby's sweet heart
Stopped.
ARI Oct 2014
Shes the girl
Sitting in the back of the book store
reading old stories
everybody else ignores

If you take
the time to ask her name
She wont answer you right away
for she trades with the characters on every page
and cant always remember which she claims

On the outside
Shes looks shy and recluse
and you notice she never notices you
Thinking something must be wrong with her
But my dear, if only you knew

In her mind
Shes dreaming, dancing, and laughing
So lost in all her sweet adventures
In her own little world
where everything is beautiful
ARI Jan 2015
I listened but I heard no sound
Falling from his lips.
Instead I heard my beating heart
Wanting to meet his.

I loved how his hands would follow
When his mouth would move.
For a busy mind like mine
His tender voice did soothe.

-ARI
ARI Dec 2013
Legs twisted
Arms bent
Body broken
Head limp
Eyes empty
Fingers tensed
Voice cracked
Grace gone
I am
Just another
Broken dancer

-ARI
ARI Dec 2013
Her wish for life,
A simply beautiful world.
She asked for love,
Never perfection.

To experience the world,
Slow to settle.

Her time to change,
To live as if life,
were ageless.

-ARI
ARI Dec 2013
Beauty beauty,
All around.
In the sky,
And on the ground.

Beauty written,
On a child's face.
Beauty filling,
This world with grace.

-ARI
ARI Apr 2015
Small
Sweet girl
All alone
Holding herself
Pinching the extra fat upon her thighs
Five miles. No meals. hope one day she'll learn
Beauty cant be
weighed by a
Lifeless
Scale

-ARI
ARI Apr 2015
Beauty is the Beast
That creeps beneath my bed.
Weaving together nasty thoughts
To place inside my head.

Beauty is the beast
That wakes while Im asleep
Her red eyes 'ever beaming
Sharks teeth 'ever gleaming

Beauty is the beast
Burrowed in my bony chest
Cat claws scratching at my ribs
I swear beauty never rests

Beauty is the beast
That sings my soul to sleep
With the promise of her lullabies:
A little waist and perfect thighs

Beauty is the beast
Once creeping beneath my bed
'til beauty braided with the thoughts
Now waltzing in my head
-ARI
ARI Feb 2016
Because I am a man
Preferring men over women
I am often cursed and shunned
By the society we are lost in.

Because I am a young adult
Mere 20 years beneath my belt
The older generations claim
My fresh ideas could never help.

Because I am a woman
With no children in my arm
Others pull their kids from me
As though I'd bring them harm.

Because I am a Muslim
With a hijab on my head
Millions often blame me
For tears their brothers shed.

-ARI
I would love to see what others would add to this poem.
ARI Dec 2013
Let me go,
Don't hold me tight.
I cant be near you,
Because this isn't right.
You tell her you love her,
Then leave her for me.
Then make me the bad guy,
When shes as mad as can be.
I loved you I swear,
But you broke my fragile heart.
You were mine for a while,
Then your lies tore me apart.
Don't claim you are mine,
Then tell her your not.
Stop kissing my lips and saying you care,
‘Cause Ive found you don’t want me in the ways I had thought.

-ARI
ARI Mar 2015
Kiss
Pale scars
Now peaceful
Proof pain can heal
But be 'ever mindful; 'ever aware
For beneath those scars a harsh giant sleeps
Red eyes will gleam
Arms will bleed
Be kind,
Child

-ARI
ARI Aug 2017
When my eyes are closed
And my cheeks are wet.
My lips will smile softly
As I forfeit all my fears
To the memories between my ears.

The memories of which
Are made from the trails
I paved in foreign countries.
Strong gales of sweet laughter
Sewn into heart songs; my ever after.

-ARI
ARI Feb 2015
Blood washed away
Skin all healed
My puckered flesh
Like twisted kisses

These scars
Across my body
Like braille
For the broken hearted

Fingertips
Grazing my legs
As if reading the cause
For my pain

There's no need to speak
For words
Are not needed
To tell my story

-ARI
ARI Feb 2019
There are
Far too many words
Far too many syllables
I never said to you.

There are
Far too many moments
Far too many memories
I never made with you.

There are
Far too many letters
Far to many notes
I never sent to you.

There are
Far too many tears
Far too many sleepless nights
Ever since you left.

I miss you.

-ARI
ARI Dec 2015
I fought with every
Breath raging through
My bruised chest.

Fingernails hanging
By thread like
Pieces of skin.

Blood and dirt
Creating a solid
Form of desperation.

The weight of the
World sleeping on
My weeping form.

My casket made
Of warm flesh
And a smiling face.

Hundreds passed
But never heard
The girl screaming inside.

-ARI
ARI Sep 2020
Our babies need more
than our prayers  
They need more
than our likes and shares.

Their innocent eyes
drowned in tears
Mommies and daddies
drowned in fears.

Our babies need more
than wishes
Their bodies
covered in stitches.

Their sweet little hearts
are breaking
Their vibrant souls
‘ever aching.

Our babies need more...
Cat
ARI Nov 2015
Cat
You gave me a bandage
A horrific bright pink,
For you noticed a stripe
Of red bleeding through
My long sleeved shirt.

I laughed it off and rolled my eyes
"My demon cat struck again"
And you laughed with me,
But you wont ever know
I never had a cat.

-ARI
ARI Aug 2014
No one really understands why
they were born to live then sentenced to die.

There is no map made to show
which path to leave or where to go.

Most stay put in one little place
regret it not 'til death they must face.

Life's thick chains we do not see
wrapped 'round our ankles; we cannot leave.

I felt those chains once burning my skin
my heart had feared they would win.

Each year they grew a little tighter
until one day I pulled a little harder.

The first link to break was scariest of all
for I was afraid if I left I would fall.

I took one step forward then
my doubt had stayed and so I went.

-ARI
ARI Dec 2014
Small little shirt boxed away,
Not a stain to be seen.

Small little pants boxed away,
Not a hole to be found.

Small little shoes boxed away,
Not a flaw to be seen.

Small little child boxed away,
Forever in the ground.

-ARI
ARI Oct 2015
As I placed my hand
Upon your naked chest
The heat of your skin
Seeped into my fingers.

I had said, "You are so warm
And I am quite cold."
I quickly realized, no truer words
Have ever been spoken.

I wish your warmth
Could heal my soul
But I have been frozen
Far too long; I can't be saved.

-ARI
ARI Dec 2013
Another sleepless night Im having
Bothered by these unfair thoughts.
Crippled by the guilt im feeling
Destroying my once lovely dreaming.

Every time I see her face
Fear rips through my tightened chest.
Gentle laughter now forgotten
Hatred for myself still blooming.

I feel as though Im always followed
Jumping at each and every noise.
Keeping to myself and crying
Learning to hide from my nightmares.

Maybe one day I'll be just fine
No longer blaming myself.
Or perhaps I will never change
Possibly only becoming worse.

Quizzical is my way of thinking
Ridiculous I have become.
Sulking in my darkened shadow
Teetering on the line of insanity.

Unwanted pain fills my soul
Vanquishing my beautiful memories.
Withering away from everybody
Xenophobe I now have become.

Zealous I will never be again.


-ARI
ARI Oct 2014
You held my hand
Close to your heart
You kissed my lips
And swore you'd never leave

You held my gaze
Spoke the sweetest words
You smiled brightly
While you danced with me
ARI Nov 2014
I did it again.
I thought about ending my life.
I stood there,
Lost deeply in my withering mind.

I wondered,
What would I feel like
The moment before
Meeting death?

Would I be
So relieved to escape?
Smiling like a mad lady
One who's found peace?

Would I be afraid?
Afraid to discover where I'd go?
Heaven or hell;
Do they exist?

How would it be
To close my eyes
And never again open them?
Would I regret leaving?

Would I finally
Know how it feels
To be free without fists
Wrapped around my soul?

Would I be forced
To hear the words said
And feel the angered hearts
Caused by my departure?

I suppose with
all my thoughts of "what if",
I should just keep walking.
Maybe one day I'll find home.
ARI Nov 2014
Dear darling,
I decided to brave
The haunting winter
If only for today.
I took your sled,
The dark blue one
Of which you've always loved,
And marched it to the top
Of your favorite hill.

I sat silently for many moments
Simply to remember
The way your eyes
Would shine with wonder
The second your feet reached the top.

As I looked down the path
We have taken
So many times before,
My heart shattered once again
Knowing I am no longer
Able to look down my side
To see your sweet rosy cheeks
And crooked smile
Aiming straight for my soul.
The rivers seemed to never cease
As they poured from my eyes.
My lonely hands are frozen,
For there is no warmth,
Now that your small hands
Are forever gone from mine.
I wrote this as I was thinking about how many families are having their first winter without a child they loss to Cancer or another terrible disease and it breaks my heart every time I think about it.
ARI Jan 2018
I spent my first Christmas without you
Gently rocking in my lazy boy.
My childhood pup
Resting his weary body at my feet.

Not one mean word was said to me.
I never had the urge to cry.
It was just me and my old pal;
Best Christmas I’ve had in years.

You were but a passing thought
Like a lost wanderer
Passing through the Forrest’s
Of my ever growing mind.

Dear Ex-Husband..
Today is a whole new year.
I  am finally happy now.
I hope you are too.

-ARI
ARI Nov 2015
You married the woman
Who's every bone is riddled
With ever pulsing anxiety.

The woman who insists on asking
The same question a hundred times
"Do I look alright?"
"Are you sure I look alright?"

You married the woman
Who's tolerance for heavy crowds
Is completely non-existent.

The woman who's most comfortable
While lost inside the fetal position
Or hidden beneath dark blankets
While rocking in your loving arms.

But,

You married the woman
Who sews mundane words into
Intricate stanzas; bringing life to paper.

The woman who's scrapped her
Shredded soul and tormented mind
From the pavement of hell a hundred times,
Yet still she believes in God.

You married the woman
Who often has nothing for herself
For she gives her all to help the world.

The woman who will stand tall
As a beacon of hope for those who
Have been devoured by creeping anxiety
Even when she wants to disappear.

You did not marry anxiety.
You married an incredible woman.
Thank you for teaching me that.

-ARI
ARI Nov 2015
Dear Momma,
The monster got me.
He dug his nails
Into my bones.
I swear every
Time I cried
He rejoiced
My tortured groans.

I fought hard,
Momma. I swear I did.
I gave up everything
Ive ever had to give.
He took my hair;
My piece of mind.
Yet still he wouldn't
Let me live.

But there's one thing
He'll never have, momma
No matter the pain
Or immeasurable weight
Of this hellish trauma.
He'll never have my soul
For your love for me
Is far too great.

They said I was special
Called me brave and strong.
Claimed me a warrior;
They've never been more wrong.
For I was but a child
Too afraid to turn around.
They'll never know that truth
For my heartbeat's 'ever gone.

-ARI
ARI Aug 2016
I'm sorry
I cannot be
A perfect wife;
That’s just not
Me.

I'm sorry
I cannot deal
A perfect house
And delightful
Meal.

I'm sorry
I cannot make
A perfect smile
For your eyes to
Intake.


-ARI
ARI Sep 2015
The razor
Oh God, that razor!
I swear it lived inside her flesh!
I couldn't make it disappear.

Her cries,
Like acid being poured into my ears
I couldn't stand it!
Her pain destroyed me.

Bony fingers
Always gripping my wrists
I swear her trembling touch
****** away my aching soul.

Help me!
"Please help me understand!"
But she wouldn't
Because she was unable to.

That razor,
Oh God, that razor!
It became my friend that night
Because finally I understood.

Bony fingers,
Resting in my weary hands
I blame myself for her starvation
For I had nothing left to give.

-ARI
ARI Jun 2017
My heart has become
An eternity thread
Sewing itself to various
Shards of vibrant life
Ive found within this world.

My sorrows and joys
Like hard earned stamps
Sleeping in my passport to life
As evidence to my heartaches.
Each one is treasured dearly.

My never ending scars
Acting as a topographic map
Across my young yet weary body
Of which documents my travels.
My mind is my legend.

-ARI
Next page