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902 · Aug 2016
The 3-Volley Salute
ARI Aug 2016
Dear brother
It's been a while
Since I've had the
Chance to make you smile.

And I miss
The way it used to be
When we'd go
Driving; just you and me.

Blasting hours of music
Just 'cause we could
Screaming Taylor Swifts
"Our we out of the woods!"

Dear brother
It's been many months
Since the day that
You left us.

The promise you made;
Do you remember?
Saying you would
Often send a letter.

And our sweet mother
Bless her heart,
Still checks the mail;
It always tears her apart.

Dear brother,
It's me again.
I never guessed this
Is how your life would end.

The red, white, and blue,
Folded perfectly in
Mothers arms, for her son
Who's fight was true.

And the 3-volley salute
For the twenty-two
Too young in boots.
Twenty-two gone too soon.

Oh The 3-volley salute

-ARI
890 · Mar 2015
Left Untitled
ARI Mar 2015
I am the book in the back of a library
Lost and hidden away collecting dust.
Spine broken; pages torn and faded
My cover ripped away long ago.

A story once filled with brilliant vibrancy
Now damaged beyond repair.
I am nothing but an unknown story
Forgotten and left without a title.

-ARI
881 · Nov 2015
Dear Husband
ARI Nov 2015
You married the woman
Who's every bone is riddled
With ever pulsing anxiety.

The woman who insists on asking
The same question a hundred times
"Do I look alright?"
"Are you sure I look alright?"

You married the woman
Who's tolerance for heavy crowds
Is completely non-existent.

The woman who's most comfortable
While lost inside the fetal position
Or hidden beneath dark blankets
While rocking in your loving arms.

But,

You married the woman
Who sews mundane words into
Intricate stanzas; bringing life to paper.

The woman who's scrapped her
Shredded soul and tormented mind
From the pavement of hell a hundred times,
Yet still she believes in God.

You married the woman
Who often has nothing for herself
For she gives her all to help the world.

The woman who will stand tall
As a beacon of hope for those who
Have been devoured by creeping anxiety
Even when she wants to disappear.

You did not marry anxiety.
You married an incredible woman.
Thank you for teaching me that.

-ARI
877 · Nov 2015
Suicide
ARI Nov 2015
I'm sorry I couldn't save you
I swear to you I tried.
I had no clue you were so broken
I wish you hadn't lied.
I knew one day you'd leave me
For the depression you couldn't hide.
You told me you had a solution
I just never thought it suicide.

-ARI
860 · Dec 2015
I Have Lived
ARI Dec 2015
I have felt
Dejected.
I have been
Swallowed by
Grief.

I have felt
Anguished.
I have been
Far beyond
Heartbroken.

I have felt
Hopeless.
I have been
Abused by
Misery.

I have felt
Dysphoria.
I have been
Adrift within
Sorrow.

But,

I have felt
Wonder.
I have been
Wrapped inside
Comfort.

I have felt
Delight.
I have been
Given sweet
Laughter.

I have felt
Exhilaration.
I have been
Loved inside
Paradise.

I have felt
Hopeful.
I have been
Blessed with
Freedom.


-ARI
846 · Jan 2016
Alone
ARI Jan 2016
I wish,
I could keep you
Free from endless fear.

I wish,
I could save you
From the never ending tears.

I wish,
I could tell you
All the stories of my years.

To insure you,
You aren't
Alone.

-ARI
845 · Nov 2015
Fibers
ARI Nov 2015
I still have the picture in my head
Of that Sunday morning
I found your hanging body
                                  s
                                     w
                                        i
                                      n
                                    g
                                       i
                                     n
                                   g
Ever softly, as if  to say
I'd missed my chance to save you
By only a heart beat

This nightmare can't be true
There's no way that was you
With a rope wrapped tightly around
The throat I use to kiss
Those fibers robbing the color
From my favorite lips.

-ARI
For those who've lost a loved one to suicide
817 · Mar 2015
Save Me
ARI Mar 2015
Help
I scream
Hands shaking
I am broken
Laying on the floor cold and abandoned
I deserve this; I did it to myself
With blades to skin
Every wish
To be
Thin

-ARI
816 · Nov 2015
Vibrant Soul
ARI Nov 2015
I tried
With all my heart
To weave together
A poem worthy of
The life of which
You have happily lived.

But I failed
For I do believe
There is not one
Living poet today capable
Of immortalizing such vibrancy
Within permanent black ink.

-ARI
814 · Dec 2016
Never Had A Chance
ARI Dec 2016
I once heard a story
Of a boy who loved a girl.
I heard she let him love her
Until her mind grew bored.

Then she packed his measly bags
And kicked him to the curb.
She crushed his bleeding heart
On his way out the door.

He never even had the chance
To scrape the pieces off her porch.
Now there is a jagged cavern
Burned into his broken chest.
Filled with *****,self-hate, and ***

He never even had a chance.

-ARI
812 · Apr 2015
Gone
ARI Apr 2015
Today she fell
Out of our grasp
Into white
She now is dressed


Her father shakes
Her mother cries
Her brother learns
To hate goodbyes

Hold your sobs
Hold yourself
You must stay strong
For someone else

Close your eyes
Say not a word
Hope for peace
In their broken world

'Cause today she fell
Out of their grasp
Into white
She'll 'ever be dressed

Her father shakes
Her mother cries
Her brother now
Hates goodbyes

But he'll hold his sobs
He'll hold himself
He will stay strong
For everyone else

He'll close his eyes
Say not a word
Pray for peace
In his broken world

Because she fell
Out of his grasp
Her perfect heart
Locked in a casket

His father sleeps
His mother cries
Says shes fine
But he hears her lies

Now he holds his sobs
While he holds himself
He cant stay strong
For everyone else

Now he closes his eyes
He says not a word
He's lost hope for peace
In his broken world


Today he fell
Out of our grasp
Next to his sister
In a field of new grass

-ARI
812 · Aug 2015
Girls "Like Her"
ARI Aug 2015
Little girl
With long blonde hair
And big bright baby blues.
Perfect teeth
And a tiny waist;
Girls like her "never lose".

Lonely girl
With frizzy brown hair
And eyes with muddy irises.
Freckled face
And too large hips
Girls like her "nobody misses".

Little girl
With a stylish mommy
And a very wealthy daddy.
Endless toys
And posh private schools
Girls like that; "life's easy".

Little Girl
With no known daddy
And mommy who always lies.
Little food
And a ***** home
Girls like that "never survive".

-ARI
801 · Dec 2014
Clothing; Never Worn
ARI Dec 2014
Small little shirt boxed away,
Not a stain to be seen.

Small little pants boxed away,
Not a hole to be found.

Small little shoes boxed away,
Not a flaw to be seen.

Small little child boxed away,
Forever in the ground.

-ARI
797 · Feb 2015
Eat Your Food
ARI Feb 2015
Eat your food
Hurry take a bite
Eat your food
Things will be alright

Spoon to lip
Don't hesitate
Swallow quick
Before you ache

Darling don't you quit
Get out this rut
Your bones need it
So does your gut

That's all I hear
For that's all they say
That awful cheer
Night and day

It's not as easy
As they so claim
To rid myself
Of awful shame

So I will smile
And I will lie
And for awhile
I'll be alright

-ARI
793 · Sep 2015
Untitled Melody
ARI Sep 2015
You were the tune
That played in my head
For hours at a time

You were the song
Without a name;
Not knowing, drove me crazy

You were the beat
Id tap with my hand
While gently nodding my head

You were the notes
Sewn into my beating heart
With the vibrant threads of eternity

Then you kissed me
You truly loved me
Now my melody has an everlasting name

-ARI
790 · Dec 2015
I See You
ARI Dec 2015
I see you
Walking by that ledge
Just a little too slowly.

I see your eyes
Calculate the distance
To the ground.

I see your head
Bowing in defeat
As your mind begs to fall.

I see your back
Shattering as asphalt
Sews itself into your chest.

I see guilt
Waltzing across
Your exhausted smile.

I see you
Caged inside depression
You cannot seem to escape.

I see you.
Now you just need
To see that I am here.

-ARI
769 · May 2014
Friend
ARI May 2014
I always watched her as she smiled
And listened when she laughed

Loved when she sang out loud
And danced across the grass

I thought she was so lovely
Turns out she thought the same of me

Everything looked to be perfect
But nothings ever as it seems

Then one day I really saw her
I glimpsed the sadness in her eyes

She shared with me her stories
And I shared with her mine

-ARI
750 · Dec 2015
Tongue Tied
ARI Dec 2015
"What's wrong with you?"*

That **** question
Destroys me every
Time someone asks
For I have these words
Waltzing in my head
But they cant seem
To get the steps just right.
They keep tripping
Over twisted imagery
Crawling across
Wilted floor boards.
Splinters sewing
Themselves into
Anything they touch
Keeping every hope
Of an explanation
Tangled together
As nonsense.

"Nothing. I'm fine."

-ARI
747 · Dec 2013
Hotel Room
ARI Dec 2013
Lost within herself
Hiding in a darkened corner.
Heavy footfalls across the carpet
Causing her to silently shake.
His smile filled of malice
Her heart drowning in fear.
Maniacal laughter poisoning the air
Her ear drums threatening to burst.
Wrapping his demonic hands around her wrists
Seeming to burn her to the bone.
Tears rushing down her cheeks
Screams ripping from her lungs.
Clothe forced between her trembling lips
Ropes embedded in her skin.
Bruises conquering her every limb
Her eyes swelling shut.
Fingers slowly crushing her throat
Her life slowly beginning to fade.
Not many people consider what happens
To a lost girl in a hotel room.

-ARI
744 · Jan 2018
Uniform
ARI Jan 2018
My dad wears a uniform,
A badge and a gun.
He says goodbye to my mom
Who prays he’ll see tomorrow’s sun.

She’s gone to bed so many nights
Without him by her side.
The empty bed come morning
Makes her fear opening her eyes.

I was but seven years old
The first time I truly realized
The bad choices people make
Are the reason daddy’s friends have died.

I hate listening to the radio
And watching any news
For when disaster strikes
Policemen always lose.

They lose time with their husbands.
They lose time with their wives.
They lose time with their children.
They too often lose their lives.

Every choice you’ll ever make
Will impact someone’s day
Please don’t let tonight’s actions
Rip someone’s tomorrow away.

-ARI
740 · Jun 2016
B
ARI Jun 2016
B
All she wanted
In her life
was a little baby
To hold at night.

Boy or girl
To complete
her crazy
world.

But all she ever got
Was a doctor
Shaking his head
Saying:

Sorry ma'am but
The baby is gone
Sorry ma'am
Just stay strong

You'll be alright
You'll be okay
Just close your eyes
and try another day.

But she didn't want
to try again.
For every night
She'd close her eyes

Counting her babies graves
and all the names
She'd never say
And she'd just pray

'Oh Lord,
not one, not two,
not three, but four,
when will death
come to my door
For I cant do this again."

All this pain
All this aching
In my heart and
Bleeding in my brain.

For now
She'll say goodbye
Yet again
For that's what they expect.

All she wanted
In her life
was a little baby
To hold at night.

Boy or girl
To complete
her crazy
world.

But all she ever got
Was a doctor
Shaking his head
Saying:

Sorry ma'am but
The baby is gone
Sorry ma'am
Just stay strong

You'll be alright
You'll be okay
Hold yourself
Just hold on tight

You can try
Again some other time
But little did he know
time wasn't on her side .

-ARI
For all the hearts ripped away,
The moment their baby's sweet heart
Stopped.
731 · Aug 2014
Tell Me Why
ARI Aug 2014
Can you look me in the eye?
Tell me exactly why?

Whisper the secret of how you fell
So swiftly under my gentle spell?

Will you press your lips to mine?
Give me a kiss to stop all time?

-ARI
730 · May 2017
Don't Forget to Breathe
ARI May 2017
Breathe in, Breathe out
Why the hell
Do you worry about
What others think of you?
Get up, move on
Don't let them
Drag you along
Their road of misery.

And they say
You're never gonna make it
You're never gonna find it
That sweet love
You're wanting oh
Girl just give it up.

Cause, you aren't good enough
Girl you should wander off
No one wants a mind like yours, oh no
Cause your lips aren't sweet enough
Oh girl just give it up
You're never gonna find someone
Who wants to love you.

Bruised heart, solemn eyes
Little girl wanting to know why
She is the way she is.
Shaking hands, trembling knees
Begging herself just to leave
But she couldn't move.

And now she's
Lost to the wilderness
Made up of emptiness
But she doesn't want to live
Here anymore.

So she's standing tall
Against her fears
She's gonna get out of here
And she wont let them
Hurt her anymore.

Breathe in, breathe out
She finally knows
What she's about.
Head held high
Shoulders squared
Now she knows
She never belonged there.

-ARI
729 · Dec 2013
Loving You and Losing You
ARI Dec 2013
Today I saw you,
Possibly for the last time.
Shock was written clearly across my face,
As you walked through the door and into my arms.
My face was buried in your neck,
Your warm arms gripping me tightly to your body.
Ive missed you more than I could possibly explain,
No words were spoken as we stood there.
Your hands gently pulling me away,
Guiding my lips to yours.
Such sweet slow intensity,
Filling me with longing and the fear of losing you forever.
Locking your fingers with mine,
You smiled sadly and walked through the house.
Later as you said goodbye,
You promised me you would come and kiss me one last time.
You promised me you would hold me one last time,
Before you were called back.

-ARI
728 · Mar 2015
I Was Afraid
ARI Mar 2015
I feared that I would want him.
I feared that I would need him.
I feared that I would love him.
And I do.

But I am not afraid anymore.

-ARI
726 · Jan 2017
Hear Me
ARI Jan 2017
I
want my-
No. I need
My voice to be
Heard by any soul inclined to listened.

-ARI
If youre at all curious to know what else I could possibly have to say check out my voice on paper- http://morethananxiety.blogspot.fi/
723 · Mar 2015
A Mothers Plea
ARI Mar 2015
Innocent child
Pale skin and eyes glazed over
Cancer, let him go
Too many mothers, fathers, siblings, friends, and other loved ones are left alone to cry these words.
http://www.stillbrave.org/
722 · Oct 2018
For My Twin
ARI Oct 2018
My brother died 12 days ago.
I held him until his last heartbeat passed.
I watched my mothers heart break
And fathers world shatter.

I was there.
I watched his lips turn blue.
I felt the heat leave his body
And sobbed into his hospital gown.

My brother died 12 days ago.
I was the one to make the phone calls.
I’m the one who broke the news
To our family and friends.

I was there.
I walked down those halls.
I left my shattered soul
Sewn into the cracked tiles of that hospital.

My brother died 12 days ago.
I swear he took my heart with him.
He left my mind here to listen
To the countless “my condolences”.

I was there.
I saw the 300 people who loved him.
I met some of the countless souls
He guided through life storms.

My brother died 12 days ago.
I am still crying when no ones looking.
I buried my brother in the earth he loved
But his light and love lives in me now.

-ARI
719 · Jan 24
Who’s to Blame
ARI Jan 24
I’m not sure when it happened or even why
But one day I came to the realization
That I will always be the last pick.
Always be replaceable.
Always too much or not enough.
Problem is- I think it’s my fault.
Perhaps I’m the only one who finds
Such little worth in me.

-ARI
719 · Nov 2015
Cat
ARI Nov 2015
Cat
You gave me a bandage
A horrific bright pink,
For you noticed a stripe
Of red bleeding through
My long sleeved shirt.

I laughed it off and rolled my eyes
"My demon cat struck again"
And you laughed with me,
But you wont ever know
I never had a cat.

-ARI
713 · Mar 2015
Stillborn
ARI Mar 2015
Sweet little heart;
a shiny new clock
that wouldn't start.

-ARI
712 · Dec 2013
What is Love Like?
ARI Dec 2013
Its like that perfect sweater
That keeps you warm on icy days
Like the salty ocean water
Hugging the shore with its waves

Its like that toasty winter fire
That heats your chilly hands
Like the never ending thrill
When you see your favorite band

Its like a little childs laughter
That keeps a smile on your face
Like the sweet soulful music
That wraps you in embrace

-ARI
712 · Sep 2015
A Penny For Your Thoughts
ARI Sep 2015
Every penny looks the same
When you find it on the street.
Scratches cover its surface;
Unknown junk makes it unclean.

I wonder who was the first to use it
I wonder whose hands had held it close
I wonder where that one penny has traveled
I wonder who let it go.

Every beggar looks the same
When you find them on the street.
Scratches cover their surface;
Unknown junk makes them unclean.

I wonder who was the first to meet him
I wonder whose hands had held her close.
I wonder where that beggar traveled
I wonder who let them go.

Every girl looks the same
When you find her on the street.
Scratches cover her surface;
Unknown hands make her unclean.

I wonder who was the first to hurt her
I wonder whose arms had held her close
I wonder if that girl would travel
I wonder why she doesn’t go.

-ARI
709 · Mar 2015
I Would Rather..
ARI Mar 2015
I don’t want to count the calories
Dancing on my plate.
Id rather count the miles
skipping beneath my wheels.

I don’t want to see the numbers
Flashing on my scale.
Id rather see the blur of scenery
Flying past my window.

I don’t want to hear the people
Laughing inside my head.
Id rather hear the seagulls
Begging for food around the beach.

I don’t want to hate the girl
Staring at me in the mirror.
Id rather love her instead
Smiling every time I see her.

-ARI
705 · Oct 2015
Sister
ARI Oct 2015
Loving her was like
Dying every morning.

You never really  
Lived, for her
Sadness 'ever grew as  
Depression's immortal vines    
Painfully crushed your bones.

Thoughts of suicide poison
Hearts of defeated sisters
Hurting far too much to pray.

-ARI
705 · Dec 2013
Modern Day Medusa
ARI Dec 2013
Shes the modern day Medusa
She will make you feel at home
and when everything seems perfect
That's when she'll turn your heart to stone

-ARI
703 · Jan 2014
With A Smile on His Face
ARI Jan 2014
There was a boy
With the most beautiful smile
So pure and genuine
And when he would laugh
Others couldn't help but follow

People would come to him
And he would bear their burdens
As though every one were his own
His shoulders began to droop
And his body was always weary

So focused on everyone else
He never had the chance to help himself
He slowly began to wither away
They never noticed he was falling
Because he would always smile

No one realized the vibrant colors
Had drained from his once lively eyes
Nor had they ever noticed
How he began to only wear long sleeves
They figured he was too strong to hurt

He felt pathetic for the hurt he felt
Thought a boy should never feel weak
No one ever told him its ok to cry
He was expected to be the strong hero
But his cape was left in soiled shreds

One night he decided he couldn't be strong
He couldn’t handle feeling empty
He couldn’t be “alone” anymore
He was too focused on what he couldn't do
So he said goodbye the only way he knew how

With a smile on his face


-ARI
688 · Nov 2015
A Thousand Questions
ARI Nov 2015
I have watched you die
    A thousand times.
Like a **** movie 'ever
    Playing in my mind.

I have said goodbye to you
A thousand times.
Yet still can not accept
You are gone.

I have cried and apologized
A thousand times.
Though I still don't quite
Understand why.

-ARI
687 · Mar 2017
Little Church Mouse
ARI Mar 2017
I lost who I am
In a sea of religion.
As the sharks made
From scriptures
Tore my limbs apart.

-ARI
687 · Jul 2015
A Childs Death
ARI Jul 2015
Help
The kids
Theyre dying;
Their minds breaking.
For theres not enough laughter in the world.

-ARI
684 · May 2017
H2O Melody
ARI May 2017
Rain drops resting on our cheeks
Such sweet renewal
No one dares to speak.
Our eyes turned up to the stars
We have found peace
Right where we are.
Natures voice made us a melody
For us to dance to;
For us to sing.

So darling
keep your hands
wrapped around my waist
Listen to my laughter
As I kiss your lovely face.
Know that for time and
For ever after,
You'll be the rain
That cleansed my soul.

Sunshine crawls; gently waking me
While I'm cradled by
My living dream.
Love waltzing from my soul
Wrapping 'round the one
Who became my home.

So darling
keep your hands
wrapped around my waist
Listen to my laughter
As I kiss your lovely face.
Know that for time and
For ever after,
You'll be the rain
That cleansed my soul.
You'll be the rain
I'll always know.

-ARI
683 · Mar 2015
How Many Times?
ARI Mar 2015
How many times
Must she destroy herself,
Before she runs out of pain?

How many times
Must she cry to herself,
Before she's lost to sadness?

How many times
Must she starve herself,
Before she runs out of self-hate?

How many times
Must she blame herself,
Before she's lost to madness?

-ARI
683 · Aug 2017
Bliss Inside My Mind
ARI Aug 2017
When my eyes are closed
And my cheeks are wet.
My lips will smile softly
As I forfeit all my fears
To the memories between my ears.

The memories of which
Are made from the trails
I paved in foreign countries.
Strong gales of sweet laughter
Sewn into heart songs; my ever after.

-ARI
680 · Jun 2016
Life is Like a Ladder
ARI Jun 2016
The higher I climb
The better the view
I see.

The higher I climb
The more tired
I become.

The higher I climb
The sweeter the air
Filling my lungs.

The higher I climb
The more blisters
On my hands.

The higher I climb
The more songs I hear
The birds sing.

The higher I climb
The more my limbs
Are aching.

One day I will
Reach the top
Of my ladder.

Who will be there
To greet my weary bones
And hopeful heart?

-ARI
680 · Nov 2014
Untitled
ARI Nov 2014
I've been asked
More times than I
Could even begin to count
Why I would carry
A notebook and pen
With me always

Why do I so often
Spend hours writing
With my neck bent
Awkwardly for so long
And why ink and paper
Instead of a computer

I suppose it's because
The texture of a worn notebook
With crumbled pages
And ink stains
Seems to make my words
Feel incredibly valuable

Technology, though useful
Makes everything feel
"Watered down"
But for me books make
the world and all words
Feel brand new
672 · Oct 2016
Twisted
ARI Oct 2016
Soft gentle warmth
Dancing between my fingertips
Like a sweet playful child.

Beautiful hope and
Sweet serenity woven
Together inside my soul.

Colors in my mind suddenly
Faded; cracked like long
Forgotten children's paint.

Breath inside my lungs
Becoming too thin;
I cannot breathe.

My eyes hiding the terror
Sewn carelessly into my mind
By life's rusted needle.

Maniacal whispers ringing
Violently between my ears
Like an unforgiving church bell.

Ding.
Ding.
Ding.

Empty words of false love
Wrapped around my throat
Choking me with a Giants grip.

I'm ok.
Thanks for asking.
I love you too.

-ARI
666 · Oct 2015
Lust
ARI Oct 2015
Ribbons of desire
Wrapped around her wrists
When He claimed to love her
With all his promises.

Little did she know
Inch by silken inch
Those ribbons transferred poison
Her soul; forever His.

-ARI
659 · Dec 2013
A Sterile Hell
ARI Dec 2013
Time slowly slipping by my tired eyes,
With every drop of medication dripping through my IV.
The doctor tells me he doesn't know,
When my body will be healed enough to leave.
Needle after needle puncturing my bruised skin,
The taste of chemicals on my tongue.
I quickly grow weary of waiting,
On the pain to finally go away.
Nurse after nurse coming in,
To check my pain and vitals.
Im tired I say just leave me alone,
But they tell me I am not well enough.
The smell of latex suffocates me,
Drilling itself into my memory.
Wires and tubes stretching everywhere,
Ive forgotten where they end and I begin.
What a terrible thing to feel trapped,
In such a clean sterile environment.

-ARI
656 · Mar 2016
Pixels
ARI Mar 2016
Dear future generations,


         I
               am
                         so
                                 sorry...


You will never know
The sweet freedom from technology
As you spend hours stargazing
During sweet summer nights.

You will know
Far more fear than I could imagine
From the hate, anger, and deceit
Todays generations have created.

You will never know
The feeling of pride as your parents
Watch you succeed at something so small
With no phone pressed in their hand.

You will know
Bone breaking anxiety; depression
From the relentless stress to be perfect
According to societies twisted image.

You will never know
The joy of spending countless hours of
Exploring the outside world with only the
Clothes on your back and a friend beside you.

You will know
A world of color, laughter, and friends,
All within a screen, but turn off you device;
Your world is empty; your life is in pixels.

-ARI
651 · Feb 2019
Brother
ARI Feb 2019
There are
Far too many words
Far too many syllables
I never said to you.

There are
Far too many moments
Far too many memories
I never made with you.

There are
Far too many letters
Far to many notes
I never sent to you.

There are
Far too many tears
Far too many sleepless nights
Ever since you left.

I miss you.

-ARI
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