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Jan 26 · 780
For Sale
Cloudy Heart Jan 26
Prologue:

Good ol’ Phillip Riley. The reason I am restrained in handcuffs, struggling but not able to put up much of a fight, being carried away from my beautiful -was to be- home. The red and blue lights are splashing back from the wet asphalt onto my cold face. I can assume it will only get worse from here, but it was worth it. She should have never crossed our paths and I have now made sure she will forever regret her decision. The only thing to do now is try and convince the jury this was an innocent act of passion. We will see who’s side they are on, after they hear all of the gruesome facts. All in all, the punishment fits the crime, and I accept.

Chapter 1: Mayville

My name is Mayville Houston. I am a single woman in my early 30s, nothing special. I am a licensed market coordinator at a real estate firm. For those of you who do not know what that is, I handle all of the appointments and paperwork that has to do with putting a home on the market as well as taking the home through escrow when we find a buyer. I love my job and there is always something new every day, but there are parts of it that can be repetitive and difficult. All and all, it is an amazing job and it pays the bills, I am grateful.

I am a coordinator to two amazing agents who are top producers, and hit the ground running every year. Needless to say I have my hands full coordinating these two. It is a blessing and a curse. I am a top performer with the top performers, but a lot of the time my personal life is sacrificed for the customer. Give and take. I start work at 8, make my lunch at 12, finish the day, work out, meditate, journal, paint, and do the activities that keep me sane throughout the day. I love my little life and how hard i have worked to get here.

Although every day is different and interesting things arise, nothing was as interesting as the day Phillip Riley and his wife Amber Riley walked through our office doors. It was a Tuesday like any other, all of us, heads down in our cubicles focusing on our work. I was on my second Redbull of the day, kind of a fanatic for them at the time, i felt that they got me through the day. Of course it was just sugary carbs, but I would be the last person to admit that.

Philip and Amber Riley bursted through our doors around 3:30pm. They had an appointment with my agents regarding some gorgeous houses in the area of Orange County that had caught their eye. I heard them come in, and being my agent’s coordinator, I got up and greeted them kindly, welcoming them to our office and introducing myself as Mayville Houston, my agent’s coordinator who will be assisting with all appointments and paperwork as we take them through escrow. I explained to them how excited I was that my agent Mariela would be taking them to see potential future homes. Amber asked if I would be joining them. I respectfully said I had to stay here at the office and take care of other clients. I could have sworn I saw a flash of sadness in Phillip’s face when I said that, but i have always been one to imagine things. There is no way.

Mariela comes out of her office and introduces herself to Phillip and Amber. Everyone is excited to start phillip and amber’s journey of purchasing a home. I wish them luck and hurry back to my cubicle, but before doing so I hand them a business card, letting them know they can call, text or email me with any questions they had regarding their appointments and paperwork. Mariela, Phillip and Amber were on their way out of the door, and I scurried back to my cubicle, trying to ignore what just happened. I swear I felt electricity between myself and Phillip Riley, but I think all of this time spent in this cubicle has me imagining things that just are not true.

Chapter 2: Phillip

*******, did I just witness an angel walk into the same room as me? She is going to help my wife and I purchase a home in the suburbs?

This is crazy. I am 35, settling down with my gorgeous wife Amber. She has strawberry blonde hair, blue eyes, skin as fair as a cherub angel, and a smile that could knock you dead. We are newly weds, so happy to be too. We recently married last August, and when we started discussing a more permanent place, neither of us could be happier about the idea.

But that was before I saw her. Mayville Houston. Apparently Mayville is what they call a “coordinator” in the real estate world. She deals with all of our paperwork, appointments, and assisting us through escrow. I did not know what that job entailed until she told me. Until her soft, plump lips and perfect smile explained her role as her luscious, brown curls bounced off of her shoulder. She was wearing a navy pencil skirt with a matching blazer. I tried to imagine what ******* were wrapping her perfect bottom. Tight waist, fat ***, *******, gorgeous face, hair and smile. Needless to say, Mayville took my breath away. Our first meeting was with Mariela only, Mayville did not attend. I was a bit saddened to hear she wouldn’t be joining, but i understood. I am a good man, a hard worker, a loyal husband… well, I was, completely, before i saw her, before i knew i had to have her, before i would stop at nothing to get her.

I think Mayville is my true soulmate. That is what my heart is telling me, right now…


Chapter 3: Mayville

A chip, Wednesday afternoon in February. For some reason, winter in California starts late. I am digging away at work for my deals when our office door opens. Usually i wouldn’t spare a second glance, but I realize right away who it is.

Phillip Riley stands, waiting for a greeting by our door. I stand up and straighten my outfit. I wear the same pencil skirt matching blazer combo, but today’s color is black. I walk up to him and chirp a quiet “Hello, Mr. Riley.” He smiles and says “why hello Miss Houston”. My knees want to buckle at his voice. It is like caramel dripping down a sundae on a hot day. His pressed, white shirt with a bright blue tie to compliment his perfectly chiseled jawline with just the right amount of stubble. He is about 6’5”, and has grey pants and very shiny dress shoes to compliment his white shirt and jawline. His hair is ***** blonde, but starting to grey. There is just something about this ******* man.
“What can I do for you, Mr. Riley?” I say, putting more confidence in my voice. “Please, call me Phillip”, he says warmly. He then explains to me he is meeting my agent Mariela, they have an inspection today, an appointment to ensure the property is in good condition, and his wife couldn’t make it due to being stuck at work. I get a little excited when he mentions Amber is not here. “Wait right here”, I say cheerily. “I will get Mariela for you right away.” I rush down the hall to let Mariela know that Phillip is here. She gets up and walks toward her door. Right before she walks out of it, she looks me dead in the eye and says “I see the way you look at him. Just be careful. Marriages are nothing to get involved in.” She gives my shoulder a squeeze and walks out. I love Mariela. She has always been like a mother figure to me. But something about the way she says that makes me shudder. I follow behind her quickly, heading back to my cubicle but hopelessly wanting to see Phillip one more time.

I watch them walk out the door. Phillip thanks me again, flashes me a smile, and walks out the door.

I can’t be imagining this electricity I feel between us. But Mariela is right, marriages are nothing to get involved in…

Chapter 4: Phillip

Another appointment that does not include Mayville. I am starting to get irritated. But I understand, she has to stay in her office and tend to other clients, like me. Each one’s needs different than the last. But I am not sure any of them have the needs i have…

I need her. I need to feel her on me, pressed against me, i need to feel what it is like to be inside of her, to release myself inside of her. God, what is wrong with me? I am married to Amber! We were talking about kids the other day! What is this feeling that has come over me recently? I cannot be feeling this way about another woman when we are searching for a house together. Am i completely insane? I need to nip these feelings in the bud before anything can get out of control. They are completely out of nowhere anyway. So I can make them go away out of nowhere too.

Mariela and I finish up the inspection, and she takes me back to her office since i left my car there. I notice there are lights still on in the building, and there is a silver honda civic still in the parking lot. I do not know, but i am hoping this is Mayville's car. I just want to see her one more time, her perfect body, in that tight matching professional outfit. Her pencil skirts drive me absolutely insane. ****, my train of thought got too crazy again. I. Am. A. Married. Man.

Mariella says goodnight to me. I say goodnight back and start to get in my car, and that is when I start to see her thick curls, flowing in the wind. I know I shouldn’t, but ****, I get back out of my car and walk towards her, while she is walking to her car.

“Hi Mr. Riley, er, I mean Phillip.” God, she is so ******* cute in addition to being so ******* ****.
“Hi, Mayville.” I say back. “You can call me May..” she says shyly. Why is she so cute?
“Okay, May. So what are your plans for this evening?” Innocent, but poking. “I was just going to head home… maybe have a glass of whiskey and binge some shows..” she says. “How about coming with me to the bar down the street?” I say, a bit more excited than I meant to.
I can see in her eyes she is unsure, but she nods silently. I motion for her to get in my car, and we ride together in silence to the bar about 5 minutes from her office. We get out of my car and I notice both of us fixing our attire. Curious, how both of us care how we look to one another tonight. I motion for her to walk in front of me as we walk to the front door of the bar. I open the door for her and tell the waitress we would like a table for 2. As we wiggle into our booth, our hands touch and it is hotter than a burning star. I know we both feel this, we have to. It is only a matter of time before I get my confirmation.

Chapter 5: Mayville

Oh my god. I cannot believe i am at a bar with a client. A client who I am assisting him and his wife in buying a home, mind you. He asks me what I would like. I shyly say “an old fashioned.” He grins from ear to ear and tells me that is his drink of choice as well. Am I imagining all of this? I already feel dizzy and we haven’t even gotten our drinks yet. The golden liquid with a slice of an orange peel arrives in front of us. We do a gentle cheers and I **** down half of my drink. Not only am I nervous but this week has been particularly tough and an old fashioned sounded like the best thing on earth at the moment. He says “eager, are we?” with that buttery voice that could melt a thousand candles at the same time. I smile nervously and just say “sorry, stressful week.” He knocks back half of his drink as well and just smiles at me. As if this man could get any sexier, *******. I smile and take another sip of my drink. I can’t help myself, I let myself melt in front of this man. I know he is married and nothing can happen between us, but something about him makes me feel safe enough to let my guard down. A warm home, in a winter storm,

We both have 3 drinks each. Cheeks burning red, I start to regret my decision a bit. I should not be out with a married man on a weekday. Truly, I can’t help myself at this point. We are both giggling about things each other has said. I smile, he smiles back. My hazel eyes glimmer with interest, hope, lust.

He pays the bill and we start walking out of the bar. I stumble once and he catches me. Even his touch is as soft as an angel. He leads me into his car, but instead of helping me into the front, he helps me into the back. I slowly ask “what are you doing?” He just shushes me and gets in the back too, on the opposite side of me. Once we are both inside of his car, he clicks the lock button, and puts up his front window shade.

I start to panic. What is happening? I cannot be doing this with a married man. What am I doing? What is he doing? What is going on?

As if he senses my panic, he grabs my face gently with both of his hands. He asks me gently to look at him, and i have no other choice, so I do. “It’s okay, I want this”, is all he says, before I see him lean forward to me and lets his lips touch mine. I feel his tongue part my lips and my eyes roll to the back of my head. He tastes like heaven and I can’t believe this is happening. Suddenly I am more confident than I have ever been. I am pulling up my skirt and I am unbuckling his belt and undoing the button on his pants at the same time. I feel the warm bulge in his boxers and I moan. I rub up against him once, showing him how much I want this too. He removes himself from his boxers and drags himself across my ****. I let out a wimper and he plunges his **** into my ***** full force. I let out a sharp gasp and he cups my mouth. I can’t believe this is happening. He feels so good, I could cry. I start to grind my hips down onto him. I see him release his arms and throw his head back, letting me know my movements are providing him what he wants. He places his hands on my hips as he thrusts into me as well. Each ****** and pull of his hands is harder than the last. I look into his glossy eyes and exhale deeply. He grabs my face, says “I’m..” and before he is finished, his tongue is back down my throat and I feel his hot liquid pumping inside of me. I bite his lip as I feel each pump inside of me. He grabs and ***** my ******* as we both finish climaxing together. His car windows are steamy, and we are both breathing hard. He looks up at me as I am still straddling him, and kisses me hard. He looks deep inside my eyes and says “now that i have had you, I won’t be able to stop.”

He drops me off at my car, and drives away. Leaving me shivering a bit in the night cold. But I don’t care. What I do care about is I just had crazy, beautiful *** with a man who i believe is my soulmate. I know he is married, but he is not married to the right woman…
A short thriller
Sep 2019 · 223
Untitled
Cloudy Heart Sep 2019
Do I need therapy?
Or do I just need to write?
days seem cloudy
and all I do is wait for the night
you make me crave to be alone
because that is how I feel
Even when we're both home.
The light may not be fading in you,
but in me
why is this so difficult for your pretty eyes to see?
You go on acting like everything is okay
when the reality is
it isn't, or won't be. even in a couple days.
Cloudy Heart Aug 2018
Start date: 5/16/17.
Your scent is intoxicating
It hurts how badly I crave you.
I want so badly to move away with you, leave everything behind, just go.
You're my favorite place
When I'm not with you all I do is bite my nails and wait until I'm with you again.
I know I break down quite a lot but I love you with every fiber of my being.
All I can write about is you and your sun kissed eyes
I will never, ever forget our first kiss.
You told me not to worry and for the first time ever I didn't
You're what makes life worth living.
Your smile is as calming as the sea
Not certain about anything really but I'm certain about you
You're my paradise
I can taste you in my coffee
You're the blood that flows through my dainty veins
There isn't a safe place in this world except your arms
I'm so incredibly in love with you
I just want to spend a whole day locked away uninterrupted with you
I love you so much that it physically hurts.
You are my sun, my moon, and all my stars.
You fill me with warmth I could NEVER feel anywhere else
Everything that comes out of your mouth is an amazing story I get ****** into
You showed me that home is not a place, it is a person, and that person is you
Your eyes are the absolute sunshine of my life
I never knew what comfort was until I met you
It doesn't matter where we go as long as I'm with you
Let's melt into the bed sheets
I want to write about all the good you make me feel
I'd follow you without thinking twice
I know I have a temper and my emotions are off the wall but I love you with all that I have.
I wake up just to sleep with you
I don't wanna be if I can't be with you
Please feel my yearning for you and come back to me.
I love you so ******* much, it felt so good to hold you.
You're my world forever.
I just wanna do everything I can to make you feel okay.
I could write about you forever baby
You warm my heart and my soul
My goal is to kiss you more times than the ocean has kissed the sand
I can feel our souls connect everytime we touch
Your fingertips kiss me and I am home
We are such a strong flame
I'm never prepared for how fast time flies when we're together
You make my heart overflow
You make me smile literally constantly
I don't mind going to sleep because I know you'll be in my dreams
I love when you leave me hickies
Being next to you is the only way I can sleep without sleeping pills
I cannot even express in words the absolute happiness and warmth you bring me every second of the day
In love with the way your smile plants a blooming garden in me
You saw me on the floor and you picked me up with just your smile
Your perfect smile gets me drunk
Listening to you talk is like reading my favorite book
Days really do feel like weeks without you
When we got together, love songs finally made sense
Me & my heart talk about you 24/7
I want to spend every second with you
Nothing tastes as good as your lips
Your eyes stung me at first, maybe that's because you saw straight into my soul all at once.
I wanna sit on you and bite your lip
I can write a book about every adventure we've ever had
Running my fingers through your hair brings me so much happiness
You paint pictures inside of me I can't even describe
All I saw was black and white until you came along and made me see color
Your eyes light up my whole entire life
I found myself inside of you
you made all my dreams come true
I didn't think I could ever be this happy & then you came back into my life and I can't even remember how upset I used to be
His whispers caressed me softly
You're my every star
I could write about you until the end of time
I want you in every way always
The only thing that truly makes me feel awake is his presence
I can't get over how beautiful your soul is
Our pictures make me smile from ear to ear
Every little line in your lips is poetry in itself
You were the water that made my rose of a heart bloom
I've always loved you, always
You're the whole forest in my heart
I want to wrap my arms around you forever
I used to sit on the train tracks for hours, wishing for someone like you
I absolutely love your hickies, show the world I'm yours on my skin
I write I love you all over your body with every kiss I plant
You make me feel so full in this empty world
I dream of time pausing and us exploring the world together
I live for our little getaways
Our love is so precious
I need your cuddles always
If you can't get drunk together and blast Backstreet Boys he ain't the one (****)
All the love songs are always about you
You make my heart flutter
I was always so lost then I found my way with you
I dream about your perfect face every night
I feel like a literal zombie until I finally see you again
You are, always have been, and always will be my entire universe
You make me melt so much
Home is: you.
You’re the everlasting warmth I feel running through my cheeks
You’re always always always on my mind
You’re my inspiration
He’s the only one
All I can think about is you and how you make me feel like cotton candy on a warm afternoon
You’re the only thing that makes life bearable.
You make me forget about all the troubles I’m going through
The world is ours
You illuminate me
You make me feel like my soul is melting in the best way
I’d be yours in a million lifetimes
I fell for you before I even touched the ground
You make my world go round
I’m sorry but nothing exists without you
I want to give you everything you want.
I'm just a sack of skin and bones without you
Baby I love you to death
I have always been and always will be yours
I don't wanna eat I don't wanna sleep I just want to be in your arms and hear your heart beat.
You are the only thing that makes everything okay
I love you with my entire being
We both started crying because we didn’t know what we’d do without each other, and that was such a special moment.
Eyes for you and only you
I love you so much, you have no idea
Take my hand, you and me against the world.
Thinking about marrying you makes me cry every time.
He is my every single heart beat.

End date: 8/6/2018
These are little mini poems I have written about him from may 2017 to august 2018. enjoy.
Apr 2018 · 753
Unheard
Cloudy Heart Apr 2018
I feel unheard
as if I've never spoken a word
I feel left in the dust
I feel the broken trust
I feel pain in the weirdest places
blood stained shirts without the traces
I feel alone
like I'm missing my home
there's so much going on
and so little hours in the day
I feel as if I've gone crazy
as if I'll never find a way
I need comfort, I just do
and I don't want to feel like I burden you
these broken pieces I place in your hands
are yours to fix, because this is pain I can't stand
I feel unheard
as if I've never spoken a word
-m.a.
Mar 2018 · 651
Y o u & I
Cloudy Heart Mar 2018
I don't wanna eat
I don't wanna sleep
I just want to be in your arms
  and hear your heart beat
I have always been
  and will always be yours
every time you smile
   you give me something new to adore
I have always loved you
even when I didn't know
all the times I longed for you
  I wish I could show
but now you're with me
and as the world can see
our souls were absolutely
meant to be
-m.a.
Mar 2018 · 345
You make me Whole
Cloudy Heart Mar 2018
Your golden, chocolate eyes wrap around my soul
with love and delicacy

Your soul holds mine so securely
as my soul holds yours

Our souls smile brightly

I will forever adore
your hands holding mine ever so gently

our love intertwining and glowing each second

You make me whole
-m.a.
Mar 2018 · 319
I Just Can't Help It
Cloudy Heart Mar 2018
you are every breath I take
you are the reason I wake
I can't help but be addicted to you
to yearn for your touch the second it's gone
I just can't help it
you are my every atom
and seeing you smile
is like watching the sun rise
after years of darkness
feeling your skin on mine
is like finally putting on a blanket
after being in the cold
for so long
I can't help but be addicted to you
I just
can't
help it.
-m.a.
Feb 2018 · 267
Simply
Cloudy Heart Feb 2018
Where do I even begin?
shall I start with your smile?
the way you can effortlessly make my day, just by existing
the way your golden eyes let me know I am home
Or how about the fact that you're all the warmth I need
I feel your ever longing presence in the steps I take
You're always with me and your soul always with mine
I feel our souls colliding when our hands intertwine
I do not go a second without thinking of you
Your warmth surrounds me with the beautiful truth
I breathe you in, the inhale of a lifetime
the Clyde to my Bonnie, we'd commit the perfect crime
there's absolutely nothing I'd rather do
than spend my entire life with you
You've given me a beautiful eternity
simply by existing
you've given me life
simply by living
-MA
Cloudy Heart Sep 2017
I am scarred with the mentality of never being enough
and sometimes you prove me right

you ask why I'm like this and it's so hard to explain
but I really am not one to keep throwing around the blame

I feel trapped in the basement of an abandoned house
a house that one sets on fire, but feels no need to douse

Why am I so torn apart
I'm a thrashed piece of paper on the floor of a mini-mart

-m.a.
...
Sep 2017 · 330
You are my Soul
Cloudy Heart Sep 2017
You are my light
I can't see without you
You are my air
I can't breathe without you
You are my heart
I can't live without you
You are my soul
I can't be without you
-m.a
Aug 2017 · 1.5k
Rough around the Edges
Cloudy Heart Aug 2017
I'm sorry that I am
so rough around the edges
I get frightened so easily
and I'm torn apart by how insecure I can be
I don't mean to be
so rough around the edges
I know you love me and
I know you've healed my wounds
I'm sorry that I am
so rough around the edges
constantly asking if you love me
constantly feeling I am not good enough
I just need you to know
I know it's not your fault
It was never my intention to be
so rough around the edges
I am traumatized by a life I wish
I never had
I wish to delete
everything but you
then maybe I wouldn't be
so rough around the edges
-m.a.
:(
Aug 2017 · 602
Old Words
Cloudy Heart Aug 2017
Old words are meant to be thrown away
they're like snake venom throughout your body
all the old, faded words you wished

were never written

I'm glad someone stole my old journal full of poems
because I am a new person now

a new pen writing on a brand new page
the page clings to me, and I to it,
and together we make beautiful new work

talking about the one who makes your heart sing
and the past that has hurt you, but you finally overcame it

that's the thing about old words

they're meant to be thrown away

-m.a.
Just some thoughts
Aug 2017 · 493
Every
Cloudy Heart Aug 2017
you are
every word on every page of my favorite book
you are
every flower I stop my day to admire
you are
every warm sip of coffee that I have in the morning
you are
every thought that runs through my mind
you are
every breath I take
you are
every beat of my heart
you are
my everything
-m.a.
Aug 2017 · 363
?
Cloudy Heart Aug 2017
?
The night air
kisses my cheeks
but my soul
feels so weak
I'm left in the dark wondering
will you turn the light back on?
Night thoughts
Aug 2017 · 890
Ruined Me
Cloudy Heart Aug 2017
I have knots in my stomach
I feel my fingers slipping slowly
unable to grasp anything or anyone
the crisp, fall air reminds me of the hurt
I am just trying to break free
I feel constricted by my past
these scars will not fade
I feel my past has caused
an unnecessary amount of pain
I should not have to feel
like a shivering, lonely dog
waiting to be loved,
but wondering when that love will leave
I shouldn't have to hate my body
because it was never enough for the wrong person
I shouldn't have to question whether
he loves me
so often in a day
because you never did love me
I shouldn't have to feel like shattered glass
every time I get insecure
because you always wanted something more
even he hates the way you've ruined me
-m.a.
...
Aug 2017 · 331
Anxiety to me
Cloudy Heart Aug 2017
Anxiety to me
is knowing how to swim
but still drowning
lost in darkness and clawing
for the slightest light
a way out
it eats me from the inside
it claws at my skin
it makes me feel I'm not worthy
it destroys my head
I wonder what it's like
to not feel this way
to wake up and say
"Everything is okay"
I wonder what it's like
to not rely on pills for sleep
to have a gentle sleep
instead of a sleep that jolts you awake
the demons are here again
they want to make me scream
anxiety to me
is one terrible dream
-m.a.
I ******* hate how I feel.
Aug 2017 · 638
Planted
Cloudy Heart Aug 2017
I once was a wilted flower
with damaged roots
moving from *** to ***
but no one took the time to water me
put me in sunlight
feed me
or help me grow
I was damaged
my petals were ripped
my stem was browning
I was a lost cause
I lost hope of being a blooming flower.
One day, a beautiful man came along
he saw my damaged petals and browning stem
and said "don't worry, I'll make you bloom again"
He poured some fresh soil
put me in the light
gave me lots of water
and made sure I was alright
my roots started to sink into the soil
my damaged petals started to heal
I looked into the sunlight
and wondered if this was real
as I stand blooming in his window today
I thank him so much for planting me
and letting me know I'll be okay
-m.a.
Aug 2017 · 475
I Can Admire You For Ages
Cloudy Heart Aug 2017
Your fingers tangled so gently in my hair
I don’t believe anything could ever compare
Your gentle breaths touching my cheek
That warmth makes me oh, so weak
Your warm skin on my cool skin
Where do I even begin?
The beauty that lies within your eyes
I can admire you for ages
-m.a.
Jul 2017 · 990
You & The City
Cloudy Heart Jul 2017
I traveled to a city where the buildings kissed the clouds and the streets were so loud I couldn't even think
but in the midst of all of the beautiful chaos I still managed to think of you
we weren't even talking at the time and I thought of you
I thought of how you'd admire the city with your excited eyes and squeeze my hand every time something caught your interest
I thought of how we'd walk the streets and parks for hours and just talk about every little thing
I thought of how we'd lie awake at 4am whispering sweet sleepy words
I thought of how I wished you were mine
I was in the middle of such a beautiful city
everything was so new to me
and all I wanted to do
was share it with you
-m.a
...
Jul 2017 · 603
Awe
Cloudy Heart Jul 2017
Awe
As you caress me
as your soul consumes mine
as our bodies intertwine
I am in awe
As you blink
and as you breathe
as you sleep
I am in awe
as you smile
as you speak
as you kiss me
I am in awe
and as you simply exist
every second
of every day
I am in awe
-m.a.
He leaves me speechless...
Jul 2017 · 851
My Universe
Cloudy Heart Jul 2017
I see every constellation
twinkle in your eyes
I see every galaxy
pour out of your smile
I hear every shooting star
fall from your perfect voice
I feel every bit of peace
when I'm looking at my universe
-m.a
Jul 2017 · 608
Thank you a million times
Cloudy Heart Jul 2017
I looked up into the trees
and took a deep breath
there you were right beside me
asking me if I loved how peaceful this all was
the trees were beautiful
and so were the stars
but my favorite thing about that getaway was you
we talked for hours
and laughed so hard we had trouble breathing
we napped together and listened to the sound
of the beautiful trees waving good morning to us
we gazed through the telescope for hours
but as you gazed through it
all I could gaze at was you
this beautiful, perfect human
was inches from me
and he was mine
and I looked back up into the sky
and said thank you a million times
-M.A.
Jul 2017 · 648
Homes
Cloudy Heart Jul 2017
we built homes in eachother's hearts
hanging our favorite pictures
building forts
playing our favorite games
these homes keep us safe
whenever we are hurt
we run back to our homes
talk about our days
comfort eachother
in our little homes
before eachother, we didn't have homes
always running, always scared
always angry, always tired
once we met
we started to build
we started to open up
we started to feel safe and comforted
I now know what it is like to have a home
as do you
and I know we will never leave
our little homes
-M.A.
Jul 2017 · 981
Cotton Candy Dream
Cloudy Heart Jul 2017
You are my cotton candy dream
you're so sweet and soft
so gentle and full of this taste
this taste that always has me craving more
more of your cotton candy tongue that explores my body
leaves me breathless in an abundance of ways
you leave little sugar crumbs on my lips
as I taste them and fall more in love with you
your sweet cotton candy scent
that makes me weak in the knees
your sweet cotton candy taste
that fills my heart with a joy so indescribably amazing
you're such a desirable cotton candy dream
-M.A.
May 2017 · 419
Here and There
Cloudy Heart May 2017
I feel your warmth when you're here
your arms caress me
and warm me like a blanket
your arms are home
when you are here
I feel cold when you're there
a void that cannot be filled
attention that cannot be grasped
my voice that cannot be heard
You're different when you're there
my silence has you wondering
but then you resume your day
as if everything is okay
I always wonder
can you hear me?
can you feel my cold skin aching for your warmth
I long to know if you are thinking of me
as I am thinking of you
I long to know
if you know I need you here.
-M.W.
May 2017 · 643
Nightmare
Cloudy Heart May 2017
They pull on me constantly
attack my worst fears
feed on my pain
feed on my tears
They drive me insane
the way they put bad thoughts in my head
I feel myself going under
I feel myself dying in this bed
I cannot wake myself up
no matter how hard I try
I cannot shake these feelings
I am destroyed in the blink of an eye
I do not know what to do
and no one will help me
maybe I should just accept this as what it is
and let it be.
-M.W.
May 2017 · 522
Void
Cloudy Heart May 2017
My void is talking to me again
my stupid, miserable old friend
"he doesn't love you"
"he finds you unattractive"
"he will lose interest"
Why?
Why would you tell me such mean things?
It hurts and I am cold now
I cannot sleep
If I do, I have nightmares
I crave reassurance I cannot have
I crave comfort I will never get
It hurts and I am cold now
My smile is so fake
It is so hard not to cry
I'm tired of being hurt
I'm tired of trying to get by
I think my problem is
That I am empty inside
I cannot move
I cannot get by
I haven't written in so long
because Void told me not to
I haven't felt happiness all week
because Void told me I'm not happy
How do you silence such hate?
How do you make Void shut up?
I'm spiraling downward
I want to feel warmth, happiness, love
I want to feel important
I want to matter
but Void says no.
-M.W.
Aug 2016 · 707
I feel you.
Cloudy Heart Aug 2016
I feel you in the season changing
I feel the fall air surround me like your warm embrace
I feel you in the night lights
How they twinkle at me like your eyes
I feel you in the sun and moon
How they warm me and cool me in the most satisfying way
I feel you in the music
How each beat takes me to a different place with you
I feel you in everything I do
And I hope you always feel me too**
-m.w.
Aug 2016 · 362
the way
Cloudy Heart Aug 2016
was it the way your eyes were glued to mine at first sight
was it the way your sweet scent got a hold of me that night
i think it was the way you were so gentle
the way you were so pure
the way your voice soothed my heart
the way you were my cure
the way you made me feel safe
even at my most vulnerable state
the way your embrace lit my heart on fire
and silenced my mind
the way that being with you
ends up stopping time
i believe it lies in the way you simply exist
your perfect soul lies with mine
in ever-longing bliss

*-m.w.
Aug 2016 · 299
You;
Cloudy Heart Aug 2016
you
are
the very fire in my soul
you
are
the one who filled that hole
you
are
the one who holds me tight
you
are
the one who protects me at night
you
are
the one with a perfect smile
you
are
the one for whom i'll go the extra mile
you
are
the sweetest soul to exist
you
are
the very key to my everything
Oct 2014 · 434
Haunted House
Cloudy Heart Oct 2014
My heart is a haunted house
filled with dead souls of lovers and friends
who told me they'd be with me
until the very end
but what they didn't know
is that I've cut the ties
because I have no more time for them
or their lies
I wish I could say you healed me
but that's not guaranteed
because your favorite thing to do
is make me bleed
it's not exactly fair
that I have to try and compare
to some "perfect girl"
but hey, I'll give it a whirl
because my heart may be a haunted house
but I'm a lively flower
however
I am dying slowly by the hour.
{m.w}
Jul 2014 · 1.5k
Pain
Cloudy Heart Jul 2014
Just one more, she said
The pill slides down her throat
She is numb
She wants to disappear
She doesn't want to be here
Tears kissing her cheeks
Her head is pounding
She's felt this for weeks
Felt like she's drowning
She wants to escape
To find something more
Than this horrible life
She can't bare to adore
She's lost everything
She can't even feel
She has too many wounds
That will never heal
She cannot breathe
She suffocates
In a life of hate
Wondering
About her last bit of fate.
{m.w}
Jun 2014 · 16.2k
Dream
Cloudy Heart Jun 2014
I dream of a place
where I have endless space
where the air I breathe is clear
where no one I despise is near
I dream of a place
where the water is ice cold
where no secrets can be told
where no person is too old
I dream of a place
where the sky is blue and grey
where there is never a loose fray
in the knot of my life
I dream of a place
where I can get away
where I will have no worries
for the rest of my days.
{m.w}
May 2014 · 615
Young
Cloudy Heart May 2014
When we were young
10 minutes was an hour
When we were young
We hated taking showers
When we were young
Monsters were our greatest fear
When we were young
We didn't know trouble would be near
Now that we're older
We see life's hidden truths
Now that we're older
We know what pain is
Now that we're older
We don't know where the gain is
We don't tolerate being played with
Things that used to say made with love
Are now given heartlessly with a shove
Can I be young once more
So I can cherish what I used to adore?
Apr 2014 · 414
She;
Cloudy Heart Apr 2014
She was as cold as
the ocean at midnight
not having one care
not having one fright
she didn't always used to be this way
she used to be a normal girl
but that had to fade
the ocean surrounded her
and filled her lungs
and that's when she realized
there was no such thing as fun
she caressed the ocean
as if it were her child
she wanted to scream
she wanted to go wild
when would she break free
when would she run away
that she is me
and I am here to stay.*
{m.w}
trapped she help ocean
Jan 2014 · 827
Dead Beat Town
Cloudy Heart Jan 2014
She was about adventure
Sun shining in her face, flowers in her hair
But she was stuck
Dreaming of big cities
New York, San Francisco
Dreaming of walking in the rain
Down a busy street
With no umbrella
Dreaming of the days where everything would fall into place
She liked to dream of the better things
While stuck in a dead beat town.
Dec 2013 · 527
Looking At The Stars
Cloudy Heart Dec 2013
She gazed up
At another world
Watching the stars shine
Feeling her heart curl
She longed to be up there
With the stars, whose heat she could hardly bare
She wanted to walk on the moon
She was tired of being in the earth's cacoon
She dreamt of running around Saturn's ring
She dreamt of climbing one of Jupiter's moon
She wanted to be a space girl
Into outer space, she'd go
Away from life's troubling foes
All these thoughts, just from looking at the stars.
All these thoughts...
Dec 2013 · 458
Can I Help You?
Cloudy Heart Dec 2013
Can I help you understand
why I am so broken inside
can I help you understand
why I feel the need to hide
can I help you understand
why the world is so cruel
can I help you understand
that there are too many rules
can I help you understand
that you are evil, its true
can I help you understand
that my sadness is deeper
than the deepest blue
please let me help you understand
because I don't think you do
can I help you understand
the evil in my soul is you.
understand, evil, help,
Dec 2013 · 902
Sleepy Nightmares
Cloudy Heart Dec 2013
Sleep is for the weak
that is why I sleep
sleep is not sweet
sleep is not heavenly
the nightmares crowd my dreams
making them more deadly
I wake up with thoughts of suicide
with thoughts of a better life
I dream to be alone
but my nightmares tell me I'm home
they caress my head
and tell me I'm better off dead
they swallow me whole
they spit me out cold
They kick me until I'm down
until I'm six feet under the ground
because they don't want me around
the sleepy nightmares are safe and sound.
sleep, dreams, nightmares, death, suicide, evil,
Dec 2013 · 404
A Fire
Cloudy Heart Dec 2013
There was a fire in her heart
he lit it from the start
the fire kept her warm
until his words started to swarm
they cut her deep and hard
like a million little glass shards
the fire soon started to burn
like a match, waiting it's turn
it enveloped her heart whole
she took her last toll.
fire, heart, hate, cruel, why,
Dec 2013 · 2.5k
Emotion
Cloudy Heart Dec 2013
I'm a little thing called emotion
I get inside your head
I hurt you very badly
I make you wish you were dead
I'm a little thing called emotion
I attack your heart
I eat you from the inside out
tearing you apart
I love to feed off fear
I love to lick your tears
I'm a little thing called emotion
you don't want me here.
emotion, hurt, pain, life,

— The End —