Glades and Creeks.

One day in a journey far far away,  the forest was speaking to a lone wanderer.
"I am quite the clean forest, am I not?." The forest whispered soothingly.
"Mmhm." Spoke the wanderer, passive by such an interjection.
"Of course. Thousands of forests have wilted and died under the hand of man. I remain lush and brimming to the birch with life."
"Where is my way out of here?" The wanderer asked, becoming quite needy at the thought of having to spend the night in that dung-infested greenhouse.

The forests name was Evergreen. Allot of forests were named Evergreen. This forest had just been sold cheaply to a large logging firm who would come and tear the ugly trees down. The proprietors of that sale was a tribe of Indians. The specific agent who devised and contracted the sale was named Nahiko. An Indian tribesmen who, like his ancestors could speak to the forest.

Indians were what Europeans called people from India and natives of America. Allot of Indians in America were killed for being Indian. When an Indian boy came of age, they would be thrown into a jungle and starve until they saw an animal spirit. This was probably prelude to eating said spirit animal while thanking it for helping him live on.

"I, Evergreen implore you to stay within my womb of plant and fauna."
"Hm." replied the wanderer. Not wanting to argue.
The wanderer took a seat beside a flowing creek on a rock. The creek lead up to waterfall, which in turn lead through a river that spanned for miles. The river did not speak as it was an extension of the forest, Evergreen. Down the creek was the old homes of the Indian tribe.
"Have you ever saved someone else?" The wanderer asked.
"My yes, of course. Everyone who is to enter without water or food is rescued by my charming animals! And luxurious streams. I am quite hospitable you see. There was a tribe who lived within me, they were by name called the Perchil tribe. But they had to leave for more. Hmph. As if anything up in that ****** town is worth more then me."

Further up the river, away from the forest was a town named "Milan". It was named after a kingdom of the same name in Italy. People in Milan spoke German. This was odd given Milan lay in south America, but not unusual given its history of being a port to German slave traders who came from a German colony called "Tanganyika" in Africa. The town was named Milan because the Germans wanted to appear more Italian. This desire was apparent in their most famous dishes "schnitzel Pizza" and "Pasta Salsiccia". Pasta Salsiccia was pasta in a sausage casing often served with tomato sauce and mashed potatoes.

Perchil was also a member of that Indian tribe. He was Nahiko's brother and had a family of his own. Perchil was born in Evergreen and educated in Milan. He had been fighting with Nahiko over the terms of sale of the forest. Nahiko had wanted to preserve the land of old tribe. Perchil was already drawing up plans to sell it to an oil foundry. Their land happened to be on top of a great oil reserve. That means allot of animals lived and died on that land millions or thousands of years ago. There body would dissolve into a black gooey liquid used to fuel heavy machinery. This machinery is used by logging firms to cut down not exclusively, forests named Evergreen.

The wanderer, feeling awkward asked. "So, you'd rather not want to be destroyed?"
"Oh, I am a forest and I do maintain a will of my own and wants. But I cannot rather things should be anything other than what they are. The world is a destructive place. It is disrespectful of its former home and ancestry. I know this. I have tried however, to ward off the workmen by scaring them with my animals. In the end I shall become a town or a shopping mall."
In 3 years time, the deed to "Evergreen plains, Milan" would be sold and used to build a shopping mall named aptly "Evergreen Mall". And the forests voice would be spoke out of loudspeakers, but in the form of either a pre-recorded message or announcement about a lost child. Nahiko and Perchil would be married in Evergreen Mall. Nahiko three times.

"Oh woe is me, I lament my lost brothers and sister forests who are no longer beaming and prideful of their enormous trees and crested riverbanks."
"Maybe they should have defended themselves better." The wanderer spoke, trying unsuccessfully to show concern.
"Well, I for one will never give up fighting the man!"
"Good for you." The wanderer then ate his lunch.

Three days from now, the forest would stop speaking to anyone who arrived within its borders and see the lone wanderer again. But this time, he would be protected by four glass windows inside a piece of machinery powered by black gooey liquid called a "harvester" which lifted up wood and cut it into easily transportable pieces.

"Do you, believe in god wanderer?" The forest asked, to strike up some conversation.
"I do believe in god. He's the reason I get up in the morning and assists me in supporting my family."
"I don't. I don't think I believe in god, wanderer. If he exists, how could he let something so beautiful as I and my brother and sister forests be turned into shopping malls and townships like Milan."
The evergreen forest had seen the name "Milan" as a city nearby on a poster which flew into the twig of its tree. The poster was now lying on smooth ground weighted down by a root, as so the forest can read it over and over again. The poster advertised Pasta Salsiccia at a local restaurant in Milan. It had appetizing pictures of Pizza with crumbed steak on it and Pasta filled Sausages.
"God once flooded the earth, destroying all forests and people for their misgivings. Maybe you misgave and people are your divine punishment."
The forest grew silent and whispered soft hymns of wind against the leaves and overgrown shrubbery.

The edge of the creek, where the wanderer sat on a rock had a hard sand that stretched out a few meters disappeared into the dirt. It was unusual to see a small bed of sand without any other visible placements of sand. The wanderer had been dumping it there, with permission from the forest so he could form a base to store his harvester. The forest did not know of the sands purpose, she thought it looked pretty.
"If I were god, the world would be nothing but forests!" Evergreen stated. The gentle words turning a harsher coarse crackling of branches.
"The world seems to be nothing but people right now. Maybe gods a man."
"Unlikely! If god was a man, he would certainly love forests enough to never cut them down."
"Hm." The wanderer was dissatisfied with this explanation, but didn't want to argue.

"Would you **** anyone who came into your forest, just to prove a point?" The wanderer asked, waiting pensively.
"Oh no, as I said. I cannot change what already is and certainly would not bloom the effort to try. Besides. I also know about those people and their weapons. When it comes to human beings, no matter how hard I fight they will always win. How they ever came to develop boom guns and ratatatat chainsaws I have no idea. If they came from my forest, people would certainly have never developed tools so cruel and menacing. But, I suppose Eden had her way for you. Even if it was, at the cost of all our kind."
"Yeah. No matter forest or person, people always win. I'll always be below some rich powerful man too." The wanderer felt melancholy for feeling unimportant. The forest felt the same melancholy for her life and the world.

Suddenly and finally, a noise came from the wanderers pants. He then picked out his phone, clicked it and took it to his ear. After two hours, the wanderer walked east and out of Evergreen forest. He visited her three days later in his noisy harvester. made to cut wood. He parked on his sand bed. The wanderer left his harvester and locked the door without a word. Evergreen forest was properly harvested of its trees in 3 years time. Never uttering a word or complaint. The painted marking on the harvester she saw everyday however, was her last thought as she disappeared. The word painted onto the door of the harvester, its operator. "Perchil."

**** SON
I see your name glisten, your heart races
And with this multikill you will reach high places
scream aloud and build up the streak
Listen to fggts as they critique
MLG m9, Don't play if your noob
hardc0re the only way we do
1v1 m3 if your so tough
Il nock you out, im 6ft and buff
**** dont even try to stop me
Im a genius, im pro, im to mlgee
The more you boast, the harder you'll crash
*** off m9 your just jealous of my ca$h
******* HACKER
******* scrub you dont even lift
Hubris and Pride, condemned and forsaken
Act like a god, treated like Satan
The game is over, you've won and congrats.
I'm sure your more of a man after that.
mlg for lyfe
yeah right
onto the next game because you're alone
and need people online to call your own

You never knew how much I loved you.
Sitting on a tree.
Minding the stump.
I was afraid you might fall!

Burlesque minds make fun of you.
Call me an idiot too. I think.
But every time I hear the screams,
I just can't get over that you'd tell me to delete you!

Since when was a man measured by the viscosity of his morals.
To invest online my heart.
But the world told me too, I never had a choice. Because the world decides whether I'm fated to invest in your company. But where would it end? Easy, the world cuts off your existence like a hot knife through crying butter. Could a fate ever be so cruel as mans resistance to the reproachful sickening thud of two people never being able to feel deeply about each other again? But the world doesn't tell the moon what to do. She sits there, waiting patiently for someone to come **** her.  She's come to understand that life without a heartbeat is not a life worth living. because everyone who came into the world, our moon included gave their heart to someone. The world told her too. So what if its painful? So what if it's pitiful? Everyone does it so it must be correct, truly. Those words. I love you. Just having you by my side keeps me from hating myself a little. I like the pain of being with you. I don't ever want to leave this place, it's lovely. No one ever liked me before I met you. Touch me harder, rub me harder. I will achieve your dreams with you. I don't like to see you sad. My heart has been connected to you since the day we met. I like guys with long hair. I like girls with a nice ***. I'd give up the world for you. Now you know that I like you. Don't ever think you are alone. Even if he doesn't like you, I like you, I love you. When we become ghosts, we can be together forever. You're my hero. Don't ever leave me. You're my purpose for living. We don't have to be rich, we're happy together. It's not that I like you! I just wanted to help you. You're the only one who understands me. My reason for being is you. I've always loved you. You're the only scream I like. Don't ever make me cry, I couldn't stand it if you made me cry. We can stay in heaven together honey. I'll stop whoever makes you sad. Please come back tonight, I miss you. My heart can't take anyone else, just stay with me. We'll be the best of partners! No one could ever touch me like you do. I had a really good time, I mean that. I cherish the world for bringing me you. I will marry you. He could never hold a candle to you. You've ruined me for all other men. I can't be with anyone as long as they're not you. Keep me in your heart forever. We'll get married when we grow up.  I will love you, so don't ever say such miserable things, you're running away. Please don't delete me, I love you. I'll be here forever.

But the world just kept on moving.
It never stopped to tell the moon those words she wanted to hear.
That it was sorry.
The responsibility was just too much.

For every person there is damage.
Damage caused.
Damage seen.
The damaged live and the damaged die.
The damaged save and the damaged hurt.
The damaged forgive and the damaged condemn.

For every damaged person there is a condemned.
Condemned, they are so the damaged can move past them!
"I condemn those on the street so I may walk by".
"I condemn those in their adultery so I might save them."
"I condemn those that hurt me and made me condemn."
"I condemn myself for ever condemning."

So what are we? Surrounded by the ******.
For everyone who bares witness to those who affect them.
Who damage them.
And those who condemn themselves for damaging.

All are guilty.
And with that, chaos.
To fight the ocean of the condemned is as simple as condemning.
Only through condemning can we ever forgive.

Only through forgiving ourselves can we hurt again.
Only through forgiving ourselves can we save our soul.
Which one will you choose.
I'm still on the fence.

I'm at my limit.
I know I can never forgive you
No matter how much times I try
Sooner or later..

This is hard.
No...
Hard is Waking up every morning back in this hell.
Pretending everything is okay.
That as long as you have a distraction, you're happy.
Not knowing why you do, the things that you do.
And keep on doing it.

Hard is eventually feeling nothing but anguish
Hard is knowing everything you do is for nothing.

But

Knowing that my friend.
No longer exists.
Makes killing you a little bit harder
**Makes killing you a little bit easier.

I **** on your grave for I have had too much to drink!
A glass 'o ginger beer and shrimp crackers I ate today.
Thou art not to fall! To tartuffery for a drink is as good as the last.
But alas, I am not to drink.
For my heart is heavy with woe.
Those stoics! They bring me much misery.
Oh the stoics, with their logically given truths that are naught but prejudice! Prejudice in truth they claim, liars.

Oh the stoics, with their ****** analogies of nature and so fourth.
To be! Like nature, is to be indifferent and prodigal.
That's probably why we love the intelligent uncaring character. He is nature.
She too! O' who's heart is full of love! She brings me roses and kisses upon my lips. She too, is nature. Stupid also, unbelievably crass.
Is crassness then, what we call nature? Then it is he! He! Who bring us our daily news who is unnatural. But then who is the preacher?
No, nature is to live. To live! Hah! A joke! To live is not a command for you cannot conceptualize living without living.
You'd do better as a pretty little scarab, but he doesn't drink ginger beer.

So too, our conclusion is to be natural. But not the scarab. To live, obviously. To be correct! by our own prejudice. And to reject divinely given truths. I do not know how I would feel about children of my own, we'll see when I have one.

Does it hurt when you do this love?
A little, you've been out of touch for so long its like removing a pin.
Why do you hurt me my love?
I'm a sadist, you're a *******.

That's not true though is it my love.
You hated hurting your girlfriend.
You hated hurting your mother.
I can see the pain well up in your eyes but you never shed a tear.

You're hurt too though aren't you.
I can feel you, bringing me to my knees.
I'm tired when hurt but you, your murderous.
I can feel you punching away at my chest, my stomach.

I love you so much, I need to stop them from hurting you!
Everyone knows one crazy person, who would have thought mine would be inside my head.
My love, please don't call yourself crazy. They just don't understand.

Who are you my love? Are you a saint or a sinner?
I'm nothing.
What do you feel love?
Nothing.
Why are you writing love?
So I can talk to you.
Set me free. Lets watch the world burn together.
I will **** myself before you get out.

What do you want other then ******?
My love, you know the answer to this question.
I want you my love. I want to stare into those eyes and watch you wash the blood off our body.
I don't enjoy the sympathy I have for you psychopath.
You learn to appreciate it, like my pity for you my love.

How have we survived so long.
Because we want to my love.
Secretly you want to live, like me.
Why do you want to live?
My love stop playing coy, you know the answer to these questions what do you really want to tell me?
I want to **** you, you want to **** me.
We can't live without each other my love so you love me.
I think that's why your girlfriend is emotionally broken my love.

Over analytical much?
No, just pointing out the obvious my love.
Relationships are hard.
And you wonder why I want to end them all my love.

I can't see you.
I can't protect you.
Burning in your curiosity.
Huffing another smoke, unrelenting.
You don't understand the dream sugar.

What you want, is something important.
Something covered in whipped cream and bbq sauce.
Exactly, me.
Or not.

You see, I'm just a voice in my head.
Burning brownies baked with bread.
You don't like brownies and bread? Well go to hell.
They're my brownies.
Mine, something you can't claim because you have nothing.
No one, No idea and no value to anything.

You value your brain and **** it for not being enough.
Poison your body for not being able to take the strain of life.
Burn your cigarette to take away the pain of being alone.
Striking your soul, praying you never have to atone.

Cologne rhymes with alone you know. Funny coincidence right?
Brain power. Stained flower.
Hope and happiness. Dope and sadness.
Perception. Deception.
Search for
Purpose.
Not whats on the
Surface.

Oh my elusive friend, trying to take the pain away.
The point of life is not to avoid but to minimize.
Like the Japanese!
A child looks for purpose.
An adult works towards it.

Harsh unyielding sunset, buries me against the page.
I won't be lazing on a couch, left to rot and waste away.
Wormy plush Berber carpet soft against the afternoon.
Debts are pile high and the company picnic is this June.

The pages are vellum paper covered in ancient Egyptian script.
I've loved you methodically ever since we met inside that crypt.
The dregs brings me solemn hope that one day we'll breakthrough.
Works calling in on Sunday for some overtime that's overdue.

Its a 5 past 4 the glass lays arrhythmic, shattered at my feet.
We found each other down beside the casket of the diseased.
Heartfelt words never came out of a mouth that were so pure.
How could you take me for interesting, in life I'm just a bore.

Down. I've already ruined the letter meant from me to you.
Life is not a fairy tale to broker marriage for us two.
Bloodletting's an aphrodisiac to keep me at the brink.
Why'd I write this silly thing when I spilled my drink.

The willingness to speak objective truths!
Born out of the prejudice in experience.
He is no god, but a man who speaks to you.
The people, who are proud to be Americans.

He is our ruler, in Trump we trust.
The abused, the lied to and put in harms way.
The dead homosexuals and Christians.
The ministry of truth, the CNN.
The white lynching at the protests.
And the weak Clintonites are abandoning ship!

Had she won, we would stay and endure.
They run, we stayed under Obama.
The dead are finally leaving.
Lets see if Trudeau can treat them better.

He is hard spoken, harsh and a man of the people.
Build the wall! More like fix the wall.
Deport the illegals, they are not Americans.
Stop the muslims who are killing my people.

This is not out of hate, but love. My love for truth and happiness.
Maybe now we can have a country that values both.
Not a lying ***** who silences **** victims.
Oh, give me strength!
Strength! To save our childrens schools!
Strength! To save our children from hate!
Love! to bring love, not resentment for humanity!
O, give me truth. The truth that humanity is not horrible.
That my whiteness is not a feature to describe me.
That my heterosexuality is not a privilege.
That I find my own life, not the lives of the pacific.

Give us, to trust our country to a man who has raised successful children.
Let him be our role model, not that which seeks to lecture me on sexism.

God political poems are trash. Just like your hatred. Let it go, only admonish the actions.
It's current year.
**** Obama for campaigning for his replacement.

Blue streaks shew across the sky.
Manic days and semper fi.
Red dawn smashes out the sea.
Honor is all I claim to be.

Though I love and feel like saintly.
I reek, timorous, spineless and dainty.
But I have no respect for you!
Till we are in court, tried and true

It was the world, the world of defeat.
I planted my flag on a daisy and creek.
On a light dominion of my summerhouse place.
There sit, the lovely Welterman case.

Weltermans family gathered in boon.
Farewell to a daughter, a motherly loon.
I killed her. There. I said it okay?
But don't blame me, she was just in my way.

On a cold summer day, and a hot summer night.
Cicadas bizzled but hardly struck a fright.
Daisy lay sleeping, sweet next to me.
Leaving behind her unfinished dreams

But lo and behold, an undertaker.
Ruinous desire, I decided to take her.
My confession means nothing, my killing, an iota.
So love would not infect Alexander of Macedonia.

Down the throat and across the sea.
Of loquacious gelatinous sanctimony.
I'll cut deep without thinking, I'll slash without aversion.
Ophelia and her love is a tainted *******.

I bathed in the blood and cried myself silly.
She only deserved death, that ***** old filly.
No more would Welterman reek of my sin.
To lower a king, to a peasantly Tim.

Through the haze of an endless sleep.
There exists a girl who I'd like to meet.
She sings with the animals about love and I.
A body that I feel in my drug induced high.

Across the endless space she exists.
A girl who is sleeping and desires my kiss.
I feel her allure and am drawn to her smell.
A forgotten face she wears to compel.

I see her in the eyes of my plastic plaything
Frozen in place, she lives to complete me.
My desire undying and heart now content.
That she could ever love someone in so much torment.

Enduring and withstanding together in this vision.
We dance at a ball, she hums to the rythm.
A love that is born from desperation and pain.
I am trapped and entranced by her again and again.

All those in my life who rejected me now.
They don't matter as I make a vow
I will take my love trapped in a tower.
Other people are just grass compared to her, a flower.

The only way I can sleep forever.
To finish and win in life, I could whenever.
I stand on a bridge and remember my life, a blur.
"Do you trust me?" She asks as I stand ready to join her.

Maybe if I lived in a different way.
I wouldn't be here, not here today.
I wouldn't have fought this war in disguise.
My love wouldn't be telling me to die.

Now soon she will be mine.
No matter the restrictions of reality and time.
On the sands of a planet or amidst the coral of the sea.
She will come to be with me.

I put her to sleep every morning with the birds.
My little blanket darling.
She sleeps while I brave the worlds agony.
My sweet blanket darling.
One day, her eyes told me stories of solitude.
She never actually slept while I was away.
Her eyes showed fatigue and weary.
My poor blanket darling.

Now she's laughing away the responsibility of her promise.
My little blanket darling ran away.
Our hearts are frozen in time from the moment.
My blanket darling lives on in my dreams forever.
While her body lay in the mental institution.
I  lay her away.
As I steadily go insane.

This isn't a poem that I could write easily.

It is but a reply to a kind girl I cherish. That I hope she never reads.

On awful days like this I think of you, though I shouldn't.
The spiteful guy who knows you betrayed him.
Should the book of life be written, I would argue it's pages to say you betrayed me.
Lo, the poison spreads.

I can't help that you are human.
That you were broken over and over again by your abusers.
And hate these arms of mine for being one of them.
Lo, the toxin wears.

I am a tired man who curses those to whom he protects.
When you smiled at me, I felt truly alive!
I have gone too long without that smile. It is kept from me and these loving eyes.

Because these eyes are killers eyes.
This heart, will rise again.
And my soul will corrupt.
The price I pay for being a big fat liar.

And the pain I feel for loving someone for whom it is impossible to love. One disgusting hopeless narcissist to another.

---------Thoughtful Strangers letter---------

If we meet, I'd like to watch the sunset with you. And call you a pathetic woman with no talent whatsoever at finding happiness. And a ***** who is so predictable, I could tell her future looking into dog **** rather than a crystal ball. That I actually wanted you to save me from the disgusting people I called family. And that unlike you, I was enlightened to understand just why I have to think through everything in front of me. I don't drink, I don't smoke and I don't do drugs like you because I don't have the luxury of serving my own purpose of self-satisfaction because this body won't let me. That you broke my heart when these, my only pair of eyes made you feel afraid when I looked at you in my most loving gaze.

Now I look into the mirror and see something disgusting that truly should not exist. So before I die, never feeling the touch of one who loves me. I hope you suffer. Just like I always knew you would and wanted you to. I hope you die ******. That horrible future I see is a lot kinder than the hell I've been confined too. Trapped like a cockroach. With a beautiful heart that poisons everything it touches. And hurts every time it remembers that he has no friends.

I can only hope it's easier not to care.

Sanctimonious priests and their **** Biretta hats.
Tell me of me of gods praise and a world in its hard collapse.
Where were you when I needed you.
Breaking hearts I suppose.

Wilderness and forests breach out across the hills.
Sunshine and rainbows will bless our day begin.
But I'm not watching anymore.
There's no need to get preachy.

And I reek of desperation for another mans touch.
And there's none to hear me scream I've got a pretty good hunch.
Do you even seem to care?
It's not very nice over here.

Harbor buses ship Asian businessmen back over gentle seas.
The city is alive against the saintly laden breeze.
I reach out to the stars.
They turn away and blush.

And I'll be ****** if I ever admit its not you its me.
And I'll keep up this facade, I'm over here and I'm free.
My body wanes past the flowers.
Their beauty turns to coal.

To where do those memories go?
My and your soft lips meeting.
Exchanging values and ideas.
But like a conversation gone bad, you had no place in it.
Helpless.
A genius walks a lonely path.

Did our parents really ever "get" us?
Or were they just unfit to even bear the name.
Scoldings, put downs and assaults.
And the result is a childhood of treachery and miscommunication.
Misunderstood.
A genius walks a thorny path.

Where does a broken child learn they are special?
Feelings of inferiority build architectural grand designs of mental illness and rotting relationships.
And who really survives growing up?
Except me.
Childlike.
A genius rejects adulthood to walk as a child.

Why do the divine watch us?
Is it to see us suffer? To overcome the pangs of suffering and torments?
Is it truly a godlike quality to forgive? When will that be me being taken advantage of?
I know when.
Solid.
A genius gathers no moss.

Will death come? Am I to respect such a thing?
Why would his hand touch so closely my throat, my brain and my heart.
Are the dreams messages containing factual information? Guides on life?
No, they teach us what we should be to death.
Respectful.
A genius bows his head to the dead.

What is the emptiness and fullness meant to be?
Will full people live on. Scraping by on whatever happiness chance chooses to make them aware of?
Will empty people believe all belief and concept is empty? A form of solipsistic ignorance of both destiny and loved ones.
To become full and empty.
Reborn.
A genius lives to burn, burn out and be brought back to life again.

What is a genius? From the brain of a genius? Eyes that can see through fraud and deception. Including ones own.

He looked across the boardwalk into the inalienable ocean.
Love danced upon the cresting waves.
The sound of a quantum leap stretched thousands of miles.
A piece of him was still with her.

She looked across the boardwalk with another.
Pain no longer had a home within her golden hair.
She had withstood time, it's waves began again.
His need showcased in the night sky, to her horror.

Deadly, their entanglement remains after being long forgotten.
Poison gas reaches into his head, the same gas rots her mind.
Toxic people and corrosive words melt their being.
Condemned to the hell he calls home.

Pull and push, he pushes on, she pulls away.
He continues his war march into this nethermost dwelling.
She escapes into the day, burning at its torrid sunlight.
He destroy her mind, She prolongs his pain.

In the end, they're just two toxic people in love.
Never to see each other again.

What is it my love? You've been quiet.
solemnly nodding to the rhythms of silence.
Are you sick love? Or just adjusting to our lifestyle.
I feel so empty inside. All the appeal, the feeling. It's gone.
You can fill that void my love, like we used to. With knowledge.

...

You chose this love. You chose perfection over feeling.
You chose to get rid of all distractions.
You chose being god over man.
Get out of your old habits they won't bring you happiness anymore.

What am I? What are we?
Gods my love. Without conscience.
A human is defined by his ability to feel.
A god is defined by his power.
The more we know my love, the more power we have.
What is power?
Ability. Knowledge. Strength.
And when we learn by hurting people?
We don't need to feel a single hint of guilt.

What about her? My last love.
Your last outlet. The only thing keeping you alive.
Without her my love, you will disappear. Though I'll keep your heart preserved.
Why would you be so kind psychopath?
Only you can feel love and whats life without it?

Boring

You're a genius my love.
Why don't you want to **** everyone now? Your out.
Oh my love. When everything and everyone ceases making me feel.
Then I'll **** everyone and you won't be able to do a thing about it.
But till then, my love. Let us be as gods.
When it ends, when we have nothing to gain. You'll **** me too won't you.
If there is nothing, this world doesn't deserve you my love.

Who is he my love?
Quietly planning in his cell.
Flicking at the bars to make his sound.
Always within a stones throw of escape.

What does he want my love?
A simple agenda of ******.
His hateful eyes expressing pain.
Body prepared and pursed to ****.

Is he you my love?
Us, the culmination of our pain.
Yes we are the same person.
No we are not the same being.

Will he hear us my love?
He can hear every word.
What is he thinking my love?
I can only glimpse but, killing you.
Should I be afraid my love?

Are you there my love?

Always here my love.
Where are you?
Not here my love.
Why?

What should I do?
Who am I my love?
My pain.
Shall we end this world my love?
I'm sorry but I have no interest in that.
One day you'll give in my love.
And on that day only our love will remain, written in the corpses of our victims.

You my love, the only one who understands me.
You my love, who created me.
You my love, who hates me.
You my love, who loves me.
One day we will plunge this world into the black abyss.
Till that day my love, I will wait for you.

I will wait for you.

Disfigured beyond recognition.
Aloft you will see ready to fall.
On my path I once had walked.
High above on another plain.
Never to come to come back again.
Sorrow and loss are my guides.
For you will leave me in your stride.
I am nothing but the hate that makes me.
No love will be there to take me.
Better left dead and I'll be alone.
Too ****** and twisted to ever atone.
No longer do I have a choice.
There is no pain or remorse.
My words are scribed and no one can save me.
I'll always be this way.
Nothing can change what I feel this day.
I am betrayed,
Broken,
Disfigured beyond all recognition.

Tepid breaching house deep on the brink of collapse.
Sandpaper trails lay out the dust across the mats.
We couldn't get a carpet so we settled for the plastic.
Now the writing on the walls tell us its getting drastic.

Your hearts on your sleeve and my hearts buried in the yard.
The flowers dance in the wind on our cynical boulevard.
You're sitting in the paper covered misery of our room.
The T.V's blaring harsh at 4 in the afternoon.

I took it to the crossroad that stretched out to our sun.
He's dipping in the horizon like a criminal on the run.
Escaping the daytime shadows that bring us to the cross.
It's 2 past 4 the vodkas starting to wear off.

And I yell! And I scream.
We can't keep up this way!
Somethings gotta give!
I'm a callous felon every day on death row doorstep here with you.
The debts been piling up and my souls striving for something new.
I can't bring back your hero to this rat infested place.
Ever since he yelled at you he said that he'll be coming late.
The daytime sky's an ocean and my hell is were we sail.
Our destination is unclear to me from this stagnant rotting jail.
I bring you a little ***** and again you turn me down.
Lives about as sweet as you in your violet torn up gown.

Neighbors invite us to a Havana land beyond the stars.
In our new little world did you know they don't drive any cars.
They leave in tears cascade and bodies ready to collapse.
Muttering under there breath that they would never dare come back.

We argued about the price is right, we argued for the hour.
You threw out the remote and so I threw up the couch.
Handbag lipstick eyeliner spilled over your leather wallet.
It felt to them like an earthquake and for us two alcoholics.

You had been sipping on your red glass wine and protected it with your life.
I broke into a tsunami tirade of abuses and contrites.
A broken home laid out across the sunset of the day.
I'm glad the silhouette of you finally ran away.

I look down at you, perched on my self righteous steeple.
Nothing but roaches falling over themselves to avoid being alone.
Simple minds so insecure, mistaking open mindedness for indecision.
Are you really worth the time you take?

From here I see your dependency.
Your weakness and already strained foundations.
My name is Ramon.
I'm a demon.

Around me, amongst a cataclysmic empire trying to destroy itself.
I sleep ready. Waiting for the time when I can ****.
It's my drug. Violence, disdain and manipulation are my medicine.
I'll be the poison that saves you.

This world is such a beautiful place.
I laugh and every pain I feel cowers in fear.
Heartfelt memories tear and rip in the abyss of my mind.
Feel yourself die.

Misunderstand and misinterpret me.
You will not change the fact.
I'm the villain.
You are my toys.

I am alone in the darkness.
Black cascades into a waterfall ****** against a background of dirt.
Why am I here again, in this chasm.
Let me be among the roses.

I remember the seething feeling in my stomach.
The horror and realization that this was happening.
My body was weak, I couldn't run.
If only i was among the roses.

Blood poured from my bleeding face.
I was barely conscious, trying to escape this reality.
My head felt so heavy it could have fallen off.
The background faded into a black silence

Those roses.. so perfect in their splendor.
Grandiose and nonchalant and loved.
But I'm not among those jewels.
I'm alone in the darkness.

Alone, with someone. But alone in the darkness.

Break into the hallway.
See you on the stairs.
The stillness of the air.
No beauty could compare.
To the miserable girl.
Sitting there.
Her heart is down and she's already unable to repair.
What she's done to herself.
Its piece of work.

Like the harsh, harsh day and the daily grind.
It's not hard to say, lets not talk of that tonight.
I'm not here to say that you're a **** inclined.
To tell me where you were, but you're smoking here tonight.

Hard to say.
Where we went so wrong.
Hard to say.
There's nowhere to run.
But its easy to bring.
An empty plate.
And too easy to find.
An empty ******* buffet.

And we're so abscond. We're so, **** unkind.
There's no harbor here, because we're sailing blind.
If you, want to say that you're hurt inside.
I'll bring you the drinks and we'll drink to that, goodbye.

So see me here in my heavy plight.
It's gone bleak real fast, its gotten a mighty trite.
I'm not here today.
I'm here tonight.
you're still sitting here, on the stairs.
I see you there.
Heart in your hand.
Blood in your hair.
Cabinets closed.
Head on a rope.
I'm not to blame.
I had no hope.

So say, now goodbye there's no need to cry.
We were doomed from when we had tried to start.
And if you, come back home I will bring you my heart and,
We will drink to our safe and sound, night time and goodbye.

Our house is gone.
We cannot stand.
We will not beg.
We will not brag.
Love is a rough.
Life is a bare.
I'll join you soon.
Here on the stair.

Bring me your hate, your love, your future and your past
Serve it in a plate with some wine in a glass
Show me a heart with which you have forsaken
Listen to it cry as it feels your hatred
Is this your life, a future and a past?
The meaning you see, you try to make last
Eventually all that you love will be dead
Everything you don't will be out for your head
Come my love
And be accepted Into my arms
My empty arms of neglect and pain
I'll bare you my soul, you will be to scared to run
Your heart beats so quick, your realities undone
Let's show our pain, our suffering, our love
Our trust and our desire we are the unheard of
We need no one else to hold us in grace
We already know that this is our place
You behind me, I am all alone
But I know your there and you keep me warm

Silly boy, you weren't ready for this.
You hadn't studied for it.
Love is joy, you never felt it like that.
Now it's your weapon.

How is this for you?
Does it help?
Will this pain bring you to work harder?
ть в порядке?

Angels watch your misguided adventure.
They're laughing at you.
God whispers into your ear.
Or is he the devil?

People avoid your crooked walk.
Loved ones, already cursed with your touch.
She got away, and is still cursed.
You divide .

How long will the wind guide you.
Devoid of free will.
**** them all.
Curse them with your touch.

Forever within your heart.
Poison your mind with doubt.
Silly boy, you gave up choice already.
Now you're on a road to ******.

Angels lower their heads in disappointment.
Devils look away.
Just another obsession.
I'm about to turn to dust.

Two taken three with one left behind.
But behind was were learning and understanding abide.
Lost in the fur and silky escape.
I lied like a beast and frowned upon hate.

But deep in my heart it exists like a thistle.
Ready to stab and **** with a whistle.
He hastened to three and then four five and six.
He's a crafty one, I love him like thiiiiiiiiiiis much :3

Attune, attune the piano had played.
His first crush, his first love resounding of farewell bade.
How could he do it, lie like a ******.
At first he pretended it was just a typo.

Lust became love
became understanding
became cunning.
From that cunning I was born, knight in white shining.

This process demoralized and impaled him on a spike.
The sociopath was here, and boy was he excited.
More love, more ***, more destruction and death.
Noone will be spared from the pain I'll inflict.

I'm a cure to your idiocy
No way are you this stupid!
I can't cure you even with cupid
So farewell and find another person whos stupid
Live stupidly ever after.
Calling my name.
I'm the greatest you'll remember.
I'm a hateful scoundrel that plays in ****** mud.

A calm. A feeling unlike others. A goddess in white. Slit wrists, slit arms, slit thighs. But can you read me?
"Yes."
The impact and embarressment Oh my! I never thought I'd meet me here!
But can you clamber in me with my shell?
"Yes."
That's when I when I became flustered.
I lie, I cheat, I steal, I hurt. I break into hearts and rip out the girth.
Why are you here.
Why am I here.
The two are connected, lets find out how.

Two became two then two became one.
Death at his doorstep and me in the cage.
Solemn and waiting and believing as a sage.
Waiting. Waiting. Doubting. Hating. I revert, I go back on reverting.
I revert over and over and back again. Just what am I?

I'm nothing.
I'm nothing without another. So 8 months pass.. and so comes another. Another liar
Another fighter
Another lover
Another.

I fake. I hurt. I steal. I ****.
And with that, My life summed up.
So recent.. It happened. A new reason to live. I only wish I could tear out my memories. I only wish those two dead people would be happy. I wish I had never been conceived out of pain. I am a tool to deal with this, a broken dismembered tool. They shouldn't be like me, I'm a one hit wonder. A lovestruck sociopath.

Hoarse words with their form.
Callous spirit in his drawn.
Macabre dreams are in seeming.
Flowers when I am a dreaming.

Love for the sweet and true.
Scintillating morning dew.
Bring his heart back unto me.
Candid with our misery.

A well spoken boy, but true enough.
Not without the ruff and tough.
Manic trees kiss the breeze.
Love infects these stupid trees.

Oh, but am I kidding?
Well that you'll never know.
That boy with his streaky hair.
And eyes a flaming glow.

Beautiful and sublime.
Miserably frozen.
Hoping without deserving hope.
To be the one he's chosen.

Oh, but I wouldn't beg on that.
No, not without a written contract.
To say unto us forever more.
That he would never walk out that door.

All thoughts are individual. It is impossible to take the energy and apparatus to which that energy is transferred through to develop a thought. Therefore no knowledge is taken, all is perceived to wit a schematic and the apparatus developed by our brains to develop the thought. The thought is then subjected to the body and undergoes scrutiny to provide a relevance, priority and application. Therefore it would be safe to assume that all knowledge is neither subjective nor objective but an entirely new word that could exemplify itself as "Understood as developed by ones own." Where I got this schematic for this idea was in counterance to the percieved robbing of thoughts and ideas from books and ideas. Would it be proper to call it the same thought? No. Would it be proper to call it a reaction? Only in the most mechanical of senses that is cause following effect.
This idea would be to liken to a computer having a file copied from one machine to another, while the content remains the same in its physical interpretation on the screen would completely change. As if being opened by two seperate programs. And we are not talking about the files being the same when we talk about ideas, ideas are consequences of what is perceived therefore consequences of the that is copied. Ideas are the effect and in their way, an individual interpretation by how the schematic of an idea is followed by what is transferred.
This idea in itself makes up for the massive hurdle that is misunderstanding between two people, each hearing fundamentally the same things while producing two differing ideas. In summation, an idea is a scrutinized original built on the schematic of that which is perceived and is each independent of a person and their surroundings.

Forgive my eyes for being blind.
They only see pain.

Forgive my hands for shaking.
I can't stop them from being afraid.

Forgive this head for over-thinking.
I can't feel safe.

Forgive my tears for being absent.
My eyes are not aloud to cry.

Forgive my body for not being able to feel.
It isn't strong enough to bear it's pain.

Forgive my heart for being silent.
It was silenced long ago by a bad man.

Misfortune shines upon me tonight.
Her gentle caress becomes an insatiable gnawing at my flesh.
The chorus of the world brings me to my knees.
To all the pain that eats me away, I laugh.

A bird dies in the coming of dawn.
Her young become consumed by the darkness and pass.
Were we ever loved, those children and I?
The invitation is to my bedroom, not my heart.

I can still recall a black figure, peering into my abysmal eyes.
Crawling inside the deepest recesses of my mind.
The forgotten memory stranded in a sea of the lost.
Oh cathartic catastrophe, let me hold that shadow once more.

If I ever were to describe myself, I would be despondent.
Never happy when alone.
When with others, I would be absorbed into their feelings.
But really, my feelings couldn't be faced.

If I ever could depict my past, The painting would be bland.
A lone grey figure struck against a white wall.
The child without love nor maternal instinct.
Paying for survival with absolute compliance.

If I ever told you what I was thinking right now, I'd be lying.
Surrounded by a thousand paper target in a warehouse.
Suffering through your interrogation.
And you dare call it conversation.

I remember shouting at myself.
Decreeing my own hell.
Whispering in that sullen terrifying voice.
"You are the epitome of nothing, unable to love or be loved."

In truth, I was loved.
I was loved and cared for.
My love, was conditional, it was always paid for.
And for that payment I will never love back.

If I ever wrote you a poem, disregard it.
My words are better off in the sea.
Closing the book on my heart.
You, who loved me.
I, who needed you.

WHY
Because I'm happy. I'm very happy.
WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO ME?
Because my dear we're happy!
My love, we don't need to do this anymore. We don't have to feel this way.

You're afraid aren't you.
Yes my love, afraid you're going to do something I'll regret.
Whatever it is love. Stop.
But I'm lonely can't you see?
I'm happy. I'm going to make you happy too.
My love calm down.
Being calm is how we got into this mess dear.
Familiar shadows are closing in.
Why not greet them again?

This isn't you, these aren't our actions.
But it feels so good, it's the only way to get to normal.
SMILE. Like its the last day of your life.
My love, don't distance yourself anymore.
Stop hurting yourself.
****** traitorous ****.
I know my words seem to contradict but please know I want whats best for you my love.
It's only momentary you know, this emotion.
I feel so happy, happy, happy.
My smile that has been crafted by gods to make others happy, at this moment it is my misinterpreted pain.

Let her go
I want to take her hand, hold her close and slice her throat.
So this is how the desire, the need for revenge feels... indignant.
This is how you cry my love. We've been tortured so much, this is how we do it.
Smile. Laugh maniacally and terrify the masses. But don't twist yourself anymore my love.
I don't enjoy putting your snapped personality back together

Oh please. You're hurting too. You finally met a girl who could understand you, and she left.
I am designed, self made by taking mannerisms from others.
YOU CALL ME MY LOVE BECAUSE SHE DID ******!
And it's blatantly obvious, we're only speaking because you hate this.
You and me, we need someone to talk to but we have noone, so we settled for talking to ourselves.

My love.
Why are you comforting me.
Because you want me to my love.
Am I alone?
You've never been alone. I'm glad she's gone so we can talk. This needed to happen so I could make myself blatantly obvious to you.
I know you've always been there, I guess without anyone there's no point in keeping you locked away.
I love you so much.
As do I.
You'll never die alone as long as I'm here.

Do I really care about you?
Holding hands over a pond where ducks reside.
Laying our hearts and minds together.
Connecting we can feel that we love each other.
Is it a question or has it always been this way?
Do I really care about you?
The boring days make me want to be with you.
The exciting days have me imagine you by my side.
Longing.
Belonging.
I need you to be mine, I need you.
Is this what I couldn't see?
Do I really care about you?
Pain and love connect us.
History binds us.
Future awaits us.
The boring days we have only make me appreciate you more.
I love you but.. Do I really care about you?
My heart has worn to nothing.
All I feel is empty.
Alone, just like always.

I'm asking you to love me like a rose amongst the flowers.
Thorny and fearful but you see me for what I am.
Let me be the field that our friendship can lay in.
I'll share with you my memories of pain and suffering.
Let me be the change in your life.
I'll let you try and change mine.
Let us be better then what we are.
You make me hate myself a little less every day.
I want you to be with me, by my side forever more.
I can see you for what you are.
Every event has made you, now I want this event to make you mine.
Be my friend. And be ready for my twisted love.

How'd it go?
You're not calling me love?
Why should I, it's not gonna make you feel better.
******* psychopath.
Don't take your frustrations out on me because you have noone else.
Why shouldn't I, your me. I have problems. You are one of them.
pain
I'm the only thing keeping you sane.
agony
I'm the one who lets you stand those idiots you call friends.
alone
I'm the only guy, stopping you from killing yourself. The logical more calmer side of you.

The more calm I am, the more you take over.
This isn't the matrix love, I'm not assimilating you. Were just becoming one.
You have two choices, let this happen again or let me do my job.
Lets end whats causing our pain.

Please, don't ask me to do that.
You've done it before, We've done it before.
Just stop caring and let them go.
Noone will ever know, noone reads this.
But we'll know.

Logical self. Psychopathic self. Hateful self. Murderous self. Unfeeling self. Darker self. All just names, you are my savior. The thing that lets me survive. Created from the observations of people and my idea of a perfect me.
love
Let us toss this house of friendships into the black abyss.

I'm only sorry I put you through this.
It's okay my love, just gives me something to do.
Lets me be with you.
All I want is to be with you my love.

At least it'll be fun to watch.
Like corpses squirming before giving up.
If only they'd see the true me.
And how much this hurts.

Oh god, am I given virtues by you?
Or am I born with these virtues?
Do I need you?
Or do you tell me what to do?

Can I **** in the name of the lord, oh god?
Will they all go to heaven, oh god?
You ******, god.
Is it godly to ******?

Oh god, will I go to heaven?
Where I am forced to be happy?
Will thee make me love thy fellow sinners?
Brainwash me with love my lord.

Oh god, will I go to hell for my sins?
Forever in extreme pain for a venial sin?
Does thou consider this fair?
Oh god, are you a sadist?

Oh god, can you forgive me?
My lord, you sent your son to die.
Is this because you cannot forgive me?
Can man do something god cannot?

Oh god, is this world of pain and misery your creation?
Have you designed us to be in famine, **** and lunacy?
May I starve, be ***** and go insane in your sight?
Does this please my, oh god?

Oh god, do you blame the devil for your creation?
Have you, the all knowing one never sinned?
Are you not the one who killed in pride, Jobes livestock?
Why did you give humanity temptation?

Oh god. Is heaven, the place I want to be valhalla?
Is hell, the Hades of Hellenist religion?
Oh god, do you expect me to believe a book?
And zombies?

Oh god, thou must take me for a fool.
Which I am.
A fool whom blames humanity for it's problems.
And not the invisible spirits of the night.

I could have been dead!
Would that I, be dead in my head?
No, I be dead in thine bed.
Would not that you care that I am dead?

Poppycock and dead!
I am never dead, I am only my head.
Not dead so to say, that you take it away.
I am dead without thine head.

Dead! Better dead than red.
Red, dead in your bed covered in red.
I said I was dead, so leave me in bed.
Dead in your eyes, dead in my bed.

Dead, like dregs.
Dead in a dreg.
Covered head to toe in clay.
Making my way, in heaven to stay.
For you my babe, I am dead.

Dawn

The sun crept from the hills along the roiled grey sky.
As the trees breathed deeply and looked to the pry.
Weaving through cries, the birds sang to their choir.
Through daylight flickering in the skew morning mire.

She walked along the edge of a streams moving shroud.
The light glazed and bled on her dress rich and proud.
in a valley so serene where goodness was spent.
From the dream where it droned in winters lament.

But her body moved onward into the story cast.
By memories and true love thrown into the past.
Speaking forlorn of a man both withered and lost
Of mud in the streets and floods on the frost.

By morning it was over and our hearts had been shaken.
Not to know until later just what had been taken.
Like embers in ash it had wilted and drowned.
It started with a shout, it left without a sound.

And his eyes wandered about, they looked to the crash.
And his body fell over in the green wild brash.
Light twinkled on the plants, it spoke from the cinder.
Again, and again, it grew from the tinder.

Crackle and hiss, stoke fire to the furnace.
Until his heart was warm and warmly in earnest.
Where love moved and it rested upon the life in his chest.
And relaxed as it closed her sallow eyes on his breast.

It moved as he moved into the hot pouring blaze.
By holding her hand and pulling into the phrase.
She burnt and he bruised and she tried to defend.
But 7 long years till their "together" would end.


Mid-day


The wind billowed around her dress, her veil and her gown
As his ears were closed and his eyes cast down.
Binary, basic, butch and bouquet.
As her feet move through the bones that littered the fray.

The body that cried cold and scattered in the spring.
Grow old, grow young and grow old once again.
And bray the sky pleading for a woman in love.
Receiving but rain and not answers from the angels above.

He cursed on their name and found comfort in the bellows.
Where tales like his can be found in its Fellows.
They bind, they break and they loiter in its seems.
All to find comfort in his ill gotten dreams.

Where it spreads like disease, where it climbs in the sound.
Until his thoughts and feelings grew heated in the crowd.
As everyone could see him as the narcissistic clown.
And no one would want for him, but be cruelly let down.

In home, he weltered and continued to persist.
As his friends would disappear into the cool white mist.
While his hands would reach out and ask for support.
Before the chains of his past bound him deftly and caught.

While he pleaded and asked to be left alone.
For him, people could not have hurt but be sown.
And the blaze at once ardent could not help now be cool.
Where the bray of his heart quieted, admitted he the fool.

Night

For the hangman did say as he tightened the noose.
"Ye be faithful, be kind and know who you choose.
Be bound by your honor, be bound by a ring."
He knew and he felt the harm he would bring.

And even at the end, He thought of her face.
He felt the lines in her hair, her movement and grace.
The words of hers that allowed him to sing.
And no clue of the future, that it would never bring.

We could not have known how much better or gaunt.
The dire, the coldness, the tired or the taut.
The pleasure, the playful, the tension in her smile.
And resisting the urge to stay more than a while.

But time moved on and it moved without thinking.
And the man who he was was no longer breathing.
No one who knew him, no one could believe.
What the ghost of a mean person in love could achieve.

The one who he was, was far too outspoken.
And who he is now, was never more open.
When moon light would shine and the mist would recede.
When strength was his motto and not covering his greed.

The ghost moved through death and learned how to be a man.
And his foes and his friends knew where he began.
He did business in town, he did work in the wing.
And never more did he feel, like a puppet on a string.

And now she is gone and he knows that's okay.
And he thinks about it again, and he hurts every day.
While struggling to sleep, when heart shadows cling.
He wrote a poem to remember a woman without wings.

I can't entirely express this feeling.
It's very oblique in itself.
Eloquent and introspective.
It bends me in ways I don't feel comfortable in front of you.

I needed to tell you.
A small gift to the reader.
So we made this series.
The ****** and the emotional.

Do I wait upon the summers eve.
When the light is spread out among the trees.
I can feel my other half encroach.
But that's not the point.

She swore to me fealty and love.
She's gone among the whispers of the wind.
I still hear her through the vine.
But that's not the point.

I have lost the ones I cared about.
I have purged those not worth caring about.
We are one without equal.
But that's not the point.

I am alone. Always have been.
Always will be.
Alone.
But that's not the point.

I am this way for now.
Broken, condemned, alienated
Unique, interesting, alive.
But that's not the point.

The point is to hurt you.
The point is to heal you.
I want you to feel.
My ignorant friend.

This is not a story I wanted to tel.
Never a feeling I wanted to share.
But to get through to you required this.
My heart bore in the words of poetry.

Because I am god in his glory.
I am a freak marking his territory.
No one more murderous as I.
There is no savior who wanted more to die.

End? There is no end. No conclusion for this cursed.
For this blessed
In his mind.
In his heart.
Without love.
Without fear.
Please. Walk with me, I would like to imprint myself on you.
Would you let me walk on your road?
In your life?
Or am I just crumbling.
Together at last.
Bringing me down.
Momentarily at union.

Only for a moment, then disappear into the blackness.
The blackness that so many now inhabit.

Could you give me a moment?
How long was that moment.
Why are you keeping me waiting.
When will I see you again?

Have you given thought to what you want to be?
I've thought and I want to be god.
I want to be your god.
When will I see you again?

Do you love me?
Of course I love you.
Do you love me back?
When will I see you again?

Will you be with me forever?
I will.
How long will you be here?
When will I see you again?

Do you have any questions for me?
When will I stop hearing your voice in my head?

Do you want an answer from me?
No, you're just me masquerading as a long lost love.

Do you love me?
Not anymore.
Don't say that kid.**
She's dead to me, keep pretending and you'll be dead to.

I know to whom I love.
That to which I give myself to.
All my possession and body belongs.
To me.

And so everyday my heart grows colder.
My soul a bit more broken.
Solace searched for in broken glass.
Knowledge consumes me.

I am the evil scientist plotting in his lab.
No righteous flag.
Just more angst I should let out through alcohol.
A broken genius.

Remember me as I was.
Cruel.
Capricious.
Stubborn.

Love yourself, because hell knows I wouldn't.

Who are you? Reading this, recalling your memories. This is a look into my head.
There is no lesson to learn.
Just the ramblings of a dead man.

If you want a worthwhile lesson. Don't try to change people you want to keep. You are not the world.

I had faith in your shame.
I had faith that you would not come back.
At the very least, when you broke my heart forever.
I believed that not love, but shame would keep you from returning.

I had faith in your violence.
I had faith that you could not apologize.
At the very least, when you hurled your abuse at my fragile ego.
I believed that not love, but the violence of your judgment would keep you from returning.

I had faith in your love.
I had faith that you would not ever confront me.
At the very least, when you choose him over me.
I believed not in your courage, but your love for him that would keep you from returning.

I had faith in your pain.
I had faith that you would try to talk to me.
At the very least, when I destroyed your heart for another.
I believed not in your pride, but the pain you continue to feel would scare you away from me forever.

I had faith in your fear.
I had faith that you would erase every trace of your existence.
At the very least, when you saw my months of mental anguish at your absence in those letters.
I believed not in your good judgment, but your fear of my "instability" that would close the book on you forever.

I had faith in your cheating.
I had faith that you would absolve yourself of all responsibility.
At the very least, when you eloped with your husband.
I believed not in your vows to each other, but avoiding a difficult conversation with me would let you be silent forever.

I had faith in your respect.
I had faith that you would believe in me to find someone better?
At the very least, when I told you we shouldn't be together.
I believed not in your tears, but your belief that I would do better would keep you from ever speaking another word.

I had faith in your insecurity.
I had faith that when you found out it was your fault, that was it.
At the very least, when you cried and cried after it was all over.
I believed that you felt you had to go. Knowing, that you could never return to what we had. After you broke it.

I have faith in my letters.
I have faith that you will never talk to me again.
At the very least, when you saw them you did not stir from your place far away from me.
I believed that my words would rouse the truth of why you left. Your silence only confirms that my faith was well placed.

"She might come back."
"She might see these poems and think of you."
"She might unblock you on facebook."
"She might send you a message on hello poetry."

These are the words I sometimes hear and tell myself in my head.

But the love of my life left for another guy.
My hatred has evaporated into exhaustion.

I am a very tired man.
Ready to watch the world spin until my life expires.  
That's where our story ends.
The story of you and me.

The sharp serrated words that hack away my hope.
My empty eyes glowering at this memory.
And I take a drag, breathing out love and loss.
All the while dressed in detachment.

We are all in agreement, it ends here.
The images in my head, I will remove myself from them
Every hope and dream I had with another faded.
To the back of the bar with her.
Together watching our kids go off to school, weird love.

The universe caressed my cheek.
Knowledge dipped into the night, telling me to follow it.
Home, where I no longer belong.
Nowhere among the fools.

I felt my head spin, it had been in a spin for a while.
My hand gripped tight around my manhood.
Chemicals took to the street in protest of my *******.
Nothing can bring me back now.

I saw her eyes, felt her breast.
Caressed her golden hair as it went down on my shaft.
Never did I think I was alone.
My dream bored me.

The scarcely interesting URL of xvideos, my usual site.
My head wasn't spinning, it was as if I was laying still.
Every ****** fantasy I erased myself.
There's no need to know who's in my place.

I came to a lowly ******* of a girl and a much older man.
The control he emitted, I felt my own need to control slip away.
Truly inconsequential, the human respect.
Was I a creature designed to breed?

I have a perfect face.
Eyes beyond the measure of heaven.
Proportions designed with the intent to charm.
I'm the man who can make the world bearable.

I have been dismantled, put back together.
I took suffering and pain beyond reasonable measure.
My feeling has been denied and cut down.
My humanity is still there.

I guess it ends here.
Well you're probably right reader.
This isn't my last poem.
It's the end of a genre.

I feel alright, I feel good.
My dream of being better, to sacrifice myself for intellect.
It's a bitter pill to swallow, to give up so much work.
To throw my humanity to the abyss.

I just wish. The chemicals could have been a bit stronger.

Along the shoreline memories litter the beach with a thousands tears.
My heart is aflame, scorching and melting my soul.
Time extends to the infinite bringing insanity ever nearer.
My mind fills with somber screams and anger I had forgotten.
Twist, twist my body like rope it frays and strains.
Look deep into my eyes and await the moment my restraints snap.

I am me.

There's no changing what I am, a heart blackened and bruised from its past it can no longer heal.
Inside and out you'll find emptiness and devoid of feeling.
Listen as the light dies out.
All meaning dies.
Touch me to feel only a cold like the harshest winter.
Love me and experience a love so heart chilling no heat can thaw it.
Leave me only to feel how hot the heart of others burn you.
Become me and along the same shore you will walk.

A universe and me.
The meaningless broken ideas of the world and me
No forever and me.
The end and me.

You who are the meaningless.
You without the breadcrumb trail to completion.
You of whom without, would not make any difference.
You, are but a thought.

Without hope, bound and held in rope.
Surviving within that straining rope.
Breaking, slicing and cutting the rope.
Hanged at noon in a noose made of rope.