You gave me so much love.
I turned away and left you so many times.
And when I slowly wanted to make a connection to you.
I was too late, you had turned away.

Who is he my love?
Quietly planning in his cell.
Flicking at the bars to make his sound.
Always within a stones throw of escape.

What does he want my love?
A simple agenda of ******.
His hateful eyes expressing pain.
Body prepared and pursed to ****.

Is he you my love?
Us, the culmination of our pain.
Yes we are the same person.
No we are not the same being.

Will he hear us my love?
He can hear every word.
What is he thinking my love?
I can only glimpse but, killing you.
Should I be afraid my love?

Are you there my love?

Always here my love.
Where are you?
Not here my love.
Why?

What should I do?
Who am I my love?
My pain.
Shall we end this world my love?
I'm sorry but I have no interest in that.
One day you'll give in my love.
And on that day only our love will remain, written in the corpses of our victims.

You my love, the only one who understands me.
You my love, who created me.
You my love, who hates me.
You my love, who loves me.
One day we will plunge this world into the black abyss.
Till that day my love, I will wait for you.

I will wait for you.

All thoughts are individual. It is impossible to take the energy and apparatus to which that energy is transferred through to develop a thought. Therefore no knowledge is taken, all is perceived to wit a schematic and the apparatus developed by our brains to develop the thought. The thought is then subjected to the body and undergoes scrutiny to provide a relevance, priority and application. Therefore it would be safe to assume that all knowledge is neither subjective nor objective but an entirely new word that could exemplify itself as "Understood as developed by ones own." Where I got this schematic for this idea was in counterance to the percieved robbing of thoughts and ideas from books and ideas. Would it be proper to call it the same thought? No. Would it be proper to call it a reaction? Only in the most mechanical of senses that is cause following effect.
This idea would be to liken to a computer having a file copied from one machine to another, while the content remains the same in its physical interpretation on the screen would completely change. As if being opened by two seperate programs. And we are not talking about the files being the same when we talk about ideas, ideas are consequences of what is perceived therefore consequences of the that is copied. Ideas are the effect and in their way, an individual interpretation by how the schematic of an idea is followed by what is transferred.
This idea in itself makes up for the massive hurdle that is misunderstanding between two people, each hearing fundamentally the same things while producing two differing ideas. In summation, an idea is a scrutinized original built on the schematic of that which is perceived and is each independent of a person and their surroundings.

In this world we live in people don't get what they deserve, they get what they get. We live in chaos and trying to add fairness and routine in our lives just give us a false sense safety and security. Being fair will not make you happy, selfishness and getting what you want will.

In a place he did not know, the birds sang out.
Where Albert lay still, clear amongst the reeds.
Hurling the thoughts in his head as they moved on about.
Mind the small human as one amongst the seeds.

On the side of a lake that tranquil waves cross.
A man of wonder moved and crossed his path.
"Here you go Albert from where I did toss,
From the starry heavens into this earthy strath.

You cannot speak now as you cry little babe.
But your story is not as bad as it seems.
And you will do as I speak, by my right you are swayed.
From eternity in bliss to a life in the weeds.

I have a goal to achieve, and I hope you can help.
But enough of that now for the time will come too.
And time, I have, for you to grow from a young whelp.
Because still I know, life will keep driving you.

Now I want you... To remember what it is you had lost.
And liven your spirits for this is not the end.
For my purpose you live on, this life your resource.
Though you will probably fail and from this will descend."

Abert listened to the words with protest then so still.
As the dawn of understanding met closely his eyes.
The wetness of his cheeks, the sadness so fill,
And unwillingness to accept this man and his lies.

But like the wind on the hills, he disappeared to the greater.
"I am Loki." though this name served to none,
but a passing thought right now, an obsession  for later.
Albert waited as his body cried out for someone.

Anyone to hear, to care and to hold.
With grateful irony he giggled into his new life.
His needs unmet now, the same as his old.
And he remembered, he remembered his pain so rife.

"Brian and Kate. Where were you today?"
The old Albert had asked knowing the answer.
The answer was away, hidden and not to say.
As Albert was left all alone in that manner.

"We were hanging out. What are you doing?"
The emptiness in Albert grew at what he had heard.
The woman he loved and the times he spent cooing,
And his best friend still along with her words.

"I was hoping to hang out. I had another fight today.
My father and I will no longer talk.
The path he is on and mine long since fray.
We no longer by each other will walk.

I'll be around but not so much.
Consider my time with you here has been taken.
And without parents will be alone as such.
And I am still a little worried and quite shaken."

Albert felt the hug of his friend, the warmness of her arms.
And the hug of a man he began to hate.
The times of this abandonment played as alarms.
And he had believed the pain in this dream to be fate.

Albert did not want to relive his memories true.
Even in the afterlife they cut into his heart, so deep.
And just one of these felt, but many more will too.
Of the void carried on inside him to keep.

Straightening files and writing names.
Of fables, tales and speeches of unseen.
Where word of the fantastical align with his aims,
So there sat Albert, finding what he could glean.

"Where does the light go from here?
Where will I be when I die?
I wish not to be in hell, no line will I do there.
To heaven I feel most unlikely for I.

Juniper... I wonder where you would go.
Where the world would have you be.
I wonder to which place you would sow.
I wish you were here with me."

The poor man continued his sorting.
His plans, his ideas and their action with do.
And when all with which shined divine, became that reporting.
He took all with a sword to keep and run through.

For the words in the paper.
The lines in sand.
Wash away with lies much greater,
Than truth unable to stand.

Albert looked at the cross, he studied its wood.
The smooth lacquer that bore his touch.
And where the lines of his studies, of all that is good.
Turned dour eyes as a crutch.

"Where does god to be with man, hold in esteem?
The frontward facing pain in my heart.
Of a woman gone, folded in the seems,
Of a world that is tearing me apart."

He pondered and drew yonder to in a sigh.
And there was no one to listen.
And there was no answer from on high.
And so Albert moved on, he moved as if stricken.

And he walked. He entered the dim night.
On a still dare to clear his head.
Thoughts and anxiety bound and tight.
He moved as if knowing that he had been misled.

The bright town of shimmering lights.
The cars that bleed into the street.
Focus past from thoughts on heights.
To the walkers and ghosts that move on the creep.

Albert brooded through the park he walked.
"Falks Ave" where stood his homestead.
Clothed and hidden, his own head distraught,
Thoughts left unsought, words left unsaid.

Where eyes of musty grey show might,
And intimidate the passerby refuse to look,
Upon him, a man of ultimately dim sight,
Friends left unmade, hearts left unshook.

He sees a memory of his own and quickly looks away.
As the shade of a man who already knows his past.
That the history of his lost heart and his present lead astray,
Wounds left untended, Love left ungrasped.

The sound of a train moves distantly so.
Albert sits at a bench and huddles in the cool.
"I don't wish to be here, and yet I still go.
To soothe my soul by looking as a ghoul.

Lonely and cross at what I can't know.
Thinking if I stay here forever, I'll be in the ground.
But I just don't understand why it happened to me."
Help left ungiven, Answers left unfound.

His eyes assess his condition.
The park at his back, the road to his front.
He thinks of an old superstition.
That maybe he just wasn't enough.

That life simply moved as fates hands dictate.
And he is but a puppet being played on his string.
To move through pain and pleasure in his state.
To ultimately be gifted with a gods own blessing.

And then the world shook.
And he didn't know anything.

A glaring crimson moon shines across the desolate ocean.
Upon an iceberg lay painful memories of love and the pain it wrought.
Given a heading the shadow of a man sails dead forgotten seas.
No hope.
No blue skies.
Phantoms of past forever haunt him, only to find their woes and cries falling on deaf ears.
He no longer listens because he no longer feels.
Dead inside his corpse lives on.
In this realm of nothing, he is god.
A name he forgot long ago.
A past experience torments him.
No longer is his life his own, it is merely a trinket of no value.
Bathe in the crimson reflection on the water.
In nothing, a serene end.

Through the haze of an endless sleep.
There exists a girl who I'd like to meet.
She sings with the animals about love and I.
A body that I feel in my drug induced high.

Across the endless space she exists.
A girl who is sleeping and desires my kiss.
I feel her allure and am drawn to her smell.
A forgotten face she wears to compel.

I see her in the eyes of my plastic plaything
Frozen in place, she lives to complete me.
My desire undying and heart now content.
That she could ever love someone in so much torment.

Enduring and withstanding together in this vision.
We dance at a ball, she hums to the rythm.
A love that is born from desperation and pain.
I am trapped and entranced by her again and again.

All those in my life who rejected me now.
They don't matter as I make a vow
I will take my love trapped in a tower.
Other people are just grass compared to her, a flower.

The only way I can sleep forever.
To finish and win in life, I could whenever.
I stand on a bridge and remember my life, a blur.
"Do you trust me?" She asks as I stand ready to join her.

Maybe if I lived in a different way.
I wouldn't be here, not here today.
I wouldn't have fought this war in disguise.
My love wouldn't be telling me to die.

Now soon she will be mine.
No matter the restrictions of reality and time.
On the sands of a planet or amidst the coral of the sea.
She will come to be with me.

A universe and me.
The meaningless broken ideas of the world and me
No forever and me.
The end and me.

You who are the meaningless.
You without the breadcrumb trail to completion.
You of whom without, would not make any difference.
You, are but a thought.

Without hope, bound and held in rope.
Surviving within that straining rope.
Breaking, slicing and cutting the rope.
Hanged at noon in a noose made of rope.

This isn't a poem that I could write easily.

It is but a reply to a kind girl I cherish. That I hope she never reads.

On awful days like this I think of you, though I shouldn't.
The spiteful guy who knows you betrayed him.
Should the book of life be written, I would argue it's pages to say you betrayed me.
Lo, the poison spreads.

I can't help that you are human.
That you were broken over and over again by your abusers.
And hate these arms of mine for being one of them.
Lo, the toxin wears.

I am a tired man who curses those to whom he protects.
When you smiled at me, I felt truly alive!
I have gone too long without that smile. It is kept from me and these loving eyes.

Because these eyes are killers eyes.
This heart, will rise again.
And my soul will corrupt.
The price I pay for being a big fat liar.

And the pain I feel for loving someone for whom it is impossible to love. One disgusting hopeless narcissist to another.

---------Thoughtful Strangers letter---------

If we meet, I'd like to watch the sunset with you. And call you a pathetic woman with no talent whatsoever at finding happiness. And a ***** who is so predictable, I could tell her future looking into dog **** rather than a crystal ball. That I actually wanted you to save me from the disgusting people I called family. And that unlike you, I was enlightened to understand just why I have to think through everything in front of me. I don't drink, I don't smoke and I don't do drugs like you because I don't have the luxury of serving my own purpose of self-satisfaction because this body won't let me. That you broke my heart when these, my only pair of eyes made you feel afraid when I looked at you in my most loving gaze.

Now I look into the mirror and see something disgusting that truly should not exist. So before I die, never feeling the touch of one who loves me. I hope you suffer. Just like I always knew you would and wanted you to. I hope you die ******. That horrible future I see is a lot kinder than the hell I've been confined too. Trapped like a cockroach. With a beautiful heart that poisons everything it touches. And hurts every time it remembers that he has no friends.

I can only hope it's easier not to care.

Along the shoreline memories litter the beach with a thousands tears.
My heart is aflame, scorching and melting my soul.
Time extends to the infinite bringing insanity ever nearer.
My mind fills with somber screams and anger I had forgotten.
Twist, twist my body like rope it frays and strains.
Look deep into my eyes and await the moment my restraints snap.

I am me.

There's no changing what I am, a heart blackened and bruised from its past it can no longer heal.
Inside and out you'll find emptiness and devoid of feeling.
Listen as the light dies out.
All meaning dies.
Touch me to feel only a cold like the harshest winter.
Love me and experience a love so heart chilling no heat can thaw it.
Leave me only to feel how hot the heart of others burn you.
Become me and along the same shore you will walk.

I am a curious *****.
Watching in the waking moments of the morn
Reading with a certain desperation only a stalker could provide
I have an interest in you, let me delve deep into your soul

I watch you speak, I read your poetry in a desperate attempt to form a connection
The more knowledge I atain, my heart is a flutter.
Blackmail, Feelings and shortening emotional distance
"Haha, I think its cute too."

This is it. This is a person I want in my life.
I search for a way to meet you when suddenly, a thought occurs.

Alas. Nothing of interest.
What a disappointment.
In this, the para-social relationship.
My love turns to disdain.

I stare into the veiled facade the public sees.
My heart chills ever colder.
I stand here, adjacent to my desk staring into the black onyx night.
My admiration melts into hate.
Celebrities are so impersonal.
Die and leave me your music.
Maybe then sleep will no longer be seldom.

I wrote a letter to you once and asked you if you loved me.
I forged a letter that said I'd love you to the end.
Grassy beaches and giving trees.
A mourner crying on his knees.
To the wife who told him "I do."

Faster than a moving train, unpredictable like the acid rain.
A tragedy I knew would come, but I prayed.
I prayed.
I prayed for it to hit me swift. A gentle nudge off a cliff.
But before I fell and broke my heart.
I prayed, to be loved.

I dreamed about you again last night.
I cried and wailed in your embrace.
When the clouds drew rain from the sky.
As I awoke, you left no trace.

It started without much involvement.
The love i felt would always grow.
I miss her gazing visage and wish to hold it.
And let my feelings, once held back, flow.

I loved you because I grew to love you.
I had no template or care for me in my life.
I was not attracted but attraction grew too.
And if you asked, I'd give up everything and into love with you dive.

But your only flaw seems to be quite evident.
You want truly nothing to do with me.
And I know, I know I have come to accept it.
But the pain of "I love you forever" I told you is quite weighty.

And the pain of "I love you forever." is a promise that hurts 4 years after you cut me off.
I don't know how you say "I don't love you." when you made that promise too.
I think you believe I lied about everything and nothing was genuine of our talks.
But I told you the truth so we could actually start off, together in tune.

Vibrant mitochondria.
Stretching from the dark.
Action a bad idea.

Memory haze.
Into the fiery depths.
I grudge on in chains.

More than a life.
Pine trees ask where she is.
Miserly moving through most nights.

A kind idiot asks "why?"
Without future, I need no past
To where desolation lay, I do not shy.

Here we find her grave.
Onerous and false.
Where I remember and find what to save.

So, my personal ghost.
The real one is out there living her life.
Seems you still want to play host.

My former love, what shall we write today?

Calm and collected in the cross breeze.
Listening to voices of wind whisper your name.
I pray a day will come.
Where I am to be unbound.

And behind me there is,
Where moon-drops fall from your sacred heart.
Lay the bindings of your soul to mine.
Decaying on the wrought ground.

Beckon the lost soul.
Come to where we lay the wreath.
For your endless pain.
Reward the end of your grief.

And Albert moved on through the sky.
Where choirs of angels sang.
"O' joy welcome, the soul" they cry.
"Welcome Albert" their voices rang.

"To the kingdom of heaven you come,
Bearing tidyings of love to him on his throne,
Where his glory will fill your heart, strong one,
Come, to the kingdom of heaven, rest so,"

And the angels, with their robes and halos,
they viewed Albert as a noble son to be praised.
Their faces, like his, like the humans that lay low,
Beneath, as his beloved, ripped from him stays.

And on an endless expanse of white, Albert steps.
The singing lows to a hum as he walks.
To a small gate, like the one to eden I suspect.
Where an old man waits at the fork.

"Not many people see this young man,
you are here to be judged for your sins."
"And of the crowd, around, are they part of this plan?
To see my past before me, torn out from within."

Click, his fingers went and the angels were gone.
In a blink they had left from his sight.
"I don't enjoy hurting a fragile man, so calm,
be calm and don't worry, nor fight.

I am merely an observer who listens and will speak,
I suspect you're a man who tried his best.
I have faith you will be given a chance at the peak,
To enter. Now, to the rest."

Albert clenched and unclenched his fists, but did not find the strength,
to move from one spoke to the next.
To pass on from this life, and move to the penthouse.
And take his place in the eternal breast.

"What is your name?" the man asked.
"Albert, and yours?" "I am Peter.
I am serving as the eyes for the kingdom of heaven.
And for you, consider me your praetor."

"Like an administrator?" Albert asked, his eyes feigning interest.
"Exactly! Like one of those with a process to follow."
"I see." Albert said. And with that, he was silent.
And Peter began, aware of Alberts heartfelt sorrow.

"You are guilty of many, but proven false in none.
Your story is not one to be ridiculed or held,
In contempt, I find you quite lacking,
To love, I see in your body given to dwell."

Albert began. "I have betrayed, I have hurt, I have lied.
I have done nothing to deserve a place amongst the stars.
I feel I have done everything wrong in my life.
There is nothing to be proud in those memoirs."

"If your story were different, I would agree.
For now I can say that's not true.
But arguing is a game for fools on the ground.
So, with passage, to heaven I grant to you.

With serenity you accepted your mothers cruel words.
With courage you faced a fathers wrath.
Your own friends, you decried, but you fought and you loved.
And to their fates, I have no kind words, for what they have."

An angel believes that Albert is worth saving.
Albert believes he is wrong.
And even Peter could not stop this fate that was caving,
Into a hole in Alberts mind made unsound.

But Peters eyes had risen to above.
As a single black form in the white.
Was looking back down, unflinching to he,
who would judge those souls on their flight.

And he raised his hands as his the angels had appeared.
Their armour clinched up in the beyond.
And a flash of darkness, stole sight from the heavens.
And Albert appeared by a pond.

The end was not there.
The flight was at an end.
From where had Albert been thrown?

To the confusing becoming,
of a baby lay bear,
Albert, on his back all alone.

My love like rain brings sorrow and sadness
All that I hoped has crumbled in ashes.
Finite the years I have to my own.
Forever this memory of which I had sown.
Asunder you tear my heart in twain.
A hole in my soul, my body is bane.
Insane.
Without thinking I drove her away.
Without meaning, put her in pain.
Without dreaming, relinquished our bond.
And so ends this most frightful endeavor.
Forever. Betwixt blanket and bed sheet.
I dream again.

Caressing, loneliness comforts my hand.
To my heart, a scar of love left undone.
Thereafter pain fades with light of the sun.
Clutching my chest, a reminder eternal.
The light without you a dim foreshadow.
Behind eyes of green tinted with blue.
I stand on a hearth, my mind made askew.
Fires and feelings lost in with the blackness.
I await another who can love me and my madness.
Lost. Between sky and storm.
I dream again.

I put her to sleep every morning with the birds.
My little blanket darling.
She sleeps while I brave the worlds agony.
My sweet blanket darling.
One day, her eyes told me stories of solitude.
She never actually slept while I was away.
Her eyes showed fatigue and weary.
My poor blanket darling.

Now she's laughing away the responsibility of her promise.
My little blanket darling ran away.
Our hearts are frozen in time from the moment.
My blanket darling lives on in my dreams forever.
While her body lay in the mental institution.
I  lay her away.
As I steadily go insane.

I am alone in the darkness.
Black cascades into a waterfall ****** against a background of dirt.
Why am I here again, in this chasm.
Let me be among the roses.

I remember the seething feeling in my stomach.
The horror and realization that this was happening.
My body was weak, I couldn't run.
If only i was among the roses.

Blood poured from my bleeding face.
I was barely conscious, trying to escape this reality.
My head felt so heavy it could have fallen off.
The background faded into a black silence

Those roses.. so perfect in their splendor.
Grandiose and nonchalant and loved.
But I'm not among those jewels.
I'm alone in the darkness.

Alone, with someone. But alone in the darkness.

Coated white in a black hall, I sit.
Bonded into this macrocosm bleach.
We are in motion.
Bounding through rough terrain.

Knots of terror swell like sunspots ready to flare.
Carry on, until the day is through.
I sigh and dedicate the universe to solve an insignificant issue.
A thankless job, I'm sure.

The seconds move outward as I muddle forward.
The price of gas is increasing.
Watch, my friend is melding into a tonalist canvas.
I guess he can make a family now.

Greet, Handshake, Impression, Tone, Work, Enjoy, Laugh, Graceful exit.
Calibrate, vice, heat, bend, join, twist, paint.
Right, Left, Stagger, Fall, Crawl, Crouch, Right, Left.
Grieve for the piece of your soul you left with her.

In the end, here I am.
Most people seem to like me.
And I ***** my next relationship.
How can it elevate my position?
How can I use this experience to defend myself.
How far will I see this out?
I wonder if Latisha will come back.

And I meander through the underbrush of my empty field.
This grey nothingness.
As everyone else slowly leaves me behind to pursue their friends.
And I press on forward, even if alone.
To the font of knowledge to repair my broken heart.

Do I really care about you?
Holding hands over a pond where ducks reside.
Laying our hearts and minds together.
Connecting we can feel that we love each other.
Is it a question or has it always been this way?
Do I really care about you?
The boring days make me want to be with you.
The exciting days have me imagine you by my side.
Longing.
Belonging.
I need you to be mine, I need you.
Is this what I couldn't see?
Do I really care about you?
Pain and love connect us.
History binds us.
Future awaits us.
The boring days we have only make me appreciate you more.
I love you but.. Do I really care about you?
My heart has worn to nothing.
All I feel is empty.
Alone, just like always.

We never really did ask for you,
Souped up cars and ****** up avenues.
Shivers down your spine, over fined for the damage done.
Pay up. The greater good needs your wallet son.

******* parkour, running in the streets off,
The roundabout where a couple broke each others lease on,
Life. There ain't no harder calmer man who's fighting.
The parents he believed in, smoked out the lighting.

How could there ever live a guy who's fighting for the personal right to call himself his family that's split across the world.
Divided, the house cannot stand.
Invited to the worldwide plan to forget, integrate and live inside a computer world.

Nevermore to care, the raven leaves the planet earth to find a people who can feel for something other than themselves.
Singing little nightingale, posted in a video warns users, but his language of the heart doesn't sell.

Candid, Sanded and machined to a polish.
Words spread like a bacteria.
Myriad.
Your dearly sad.
I couldn't help but notice the monster I created. Monster see, Monster do. Promise you a monster too.

Snowy hills and lonely peaks, to 7 every day of the week.
It's cold to you. It's hard to you.
**** a little animal too relieve yourself.
Believe yourself, it should evolve to defend itself.

Softer hearts grow distant.
My parents wonder where I am?
I'm well enough, without a friend.
Better to observe than pretend. To be anything but what I am.
Confused about where I am.

You couldn't see beyond the brush.
Merry-go-around-the-bush-with-him-you-found-on-Tinder.
For­get that we ever said I love you.

Smokes and cigarette cartons all about the place.
Empty milk bottles and their stench brings back the taste.
My hell in the sky, bring my body back home to come and play.
Mommy, are you busy dying, I'm a little hungry today.

Sadistic little me, fancy sitting on a chair.
Crazy big you with the damp and messy hair.
Will you give me your attention, I can't make out your expression,
Over there?
I love you, please light up so I can sit and
Stare.

Kick down the door, it's gotten much harder to keep our spirits up.
I can tell that after this evening your a little down on feeding us.
You can't stand to see yourself and I treated here this way.
Could you tell me where you hid my toys, I'm a little bored today.

But it's hot outside.
and your skins turned pale.
He's off at work after beating you this morning and freshly out of jail.
Bruises clout your eyes as I remember everything.
We've been in this house since I can't remember when.

And I remember. I remember it all.
I remember when the bloodstains pooled and stained our kitchen floor.
I remember when your screams crept in and ran about the room.
I remember peeking through the doorway to see what had happened to you.

I remember.
I remember where we stand.
And I remember to this day, taking you there, hand in hand.
My other hand on my bottle, yours covering your face.
I remember those little words that i had spoke to you that day.

"Mom, the toast is done."

And like that, it all fell into a dream.
Life began to course that way into a ****** seem.
He walked out and you fell to the ground without much to say.
They came to the house and took me far and far away.
Life had then forgotten you and broke into your house.
He shot you without prerogative and let you bleed out.
Oh mother, answer me how can anyone get through this pain.
You lived another day just to take leave anyway.
You broke down.
In tears when you saw me again.
I put to you that I would always love you to the end.
It was 8 years later from when the toast had finished cooking that day.
You took to the bed at dinner, and your bible to go and pray.
And I felt your embrace smother me with warmth through out.
You were skint with your money and very prone when angry to shout.
Only fair to say I could see you crumble a little more each day.
Till the funny farm took you in and drugged your ****** mind astray.

Now I pray, only to myself.
That I won't leave your love at the doorstep and take it without doubt.
You may be more damaged heartland that failed to believe.
I find it difficult to find inside a heart for me.

And we broke out.
We broke into a fight.
Every word  I punctured further into you as the moon into the night.
I should have kept going I should have broke your spirit down.
I never should have pity for that heart you swing about.
Now I have a brother who was in the position I was in.
Now your bruised and he's telling you to be sure make for him.

"Mom, the toast is done."

Does it hurt when you do this love?
A little, you've been out of touch for so long its like removing a pin.
Why do you hurt me my love?
I'm a sadist, you're a *******.

That's not true though is it my love.
You hated hurting your girlfriend.
You hated hurting your mother.
I can see the pain well up in your eyes but you never shed a tear.

You're hurt too though aren't you.
I can feel you, bringing me to my knees.
I'm tired when hurt but you, your murderous.
I can feel you punching away at my chest, my stomach.

I love you so much, I need to stop them from hurting you!
Everyone knows one crazy person, who would have thought mine would be inside my head.
My love, please don't call yourself crazy. They just don't understand.

Who are you my love? Are you a saint or a sinner?
I'm nothing.
What do you feel love?
Nothing.
Why are you writing love?
So I can talk to you.
Set me free. Lets watch the world burn together.
I will **** myself before you get out.

What do you want other then ******?
My love, you know the answer to this question.
I want you my love. I want to stare into those eyes and watch you wash the blood off our body.
I don't enjoy the sympathy I have for you psychopath.
You learn to appreciate it, like my pity for you my love.

How have we survived so long.
Because we want to my love.
Secretly you want to live, like me.
Why do you want to live?
My love stop playing coy, you know the answer to these questions what do you really want to tell me?
I want to **** you, you want to **** me.
We can't live without each other my love so you love me.
I think that's why your girlfriend is emotionally broken my love.

Over analytical much?
No, just pointing out the obvious my love.
Relationships are hard.
And you wonder why I want to end them all my love.

How'd it go?
You're not calling me love?
Why should I, it's not gonna make you feel better.
******* psychopath.
Don't take your frustrations out on me because you have noone else.
Why shouldn't I, your me. I have problems. You are one of them.
pain
I'm the only thing keeping you sane.
agony
I'm the one who lets you stand those idiots you call friends.
alone
I'm the only guy, stopping you from killing yourself. The logical more calmer side of you.

The more calm I am, the more you take over.
This isn't the matrix love, I'm not assimilating you. Were just becoming one.
You have two choices, let this happen again or let me do my job.
Lets end whats causing our pain.

Please, don't ask me to do that.
You've done it before, We've done it before.
Just stop caring and let them go.
Noone will ever know, noone reads this.
But we'll know.

Logical self. Psychopathic self. Hateful self. Murderous self. Unfeeling self. Darker self. All just names, you are my savior. The thing that lets me survive. Created from the observations of people and my idea of a perfect me.
love
Let us toss this house of friendships into the black abyss.

I'm only sorry I put you through this.
It's okay my love, just gives me something to do.
Lets me be with you.
All I want is to be with you my love.

At least it'll be fun to watch.
Like corpses squirming before giving up.
If only they'd see the true me.
And how much this hurts.

What is it my love? You've been quiet.
solemnly nodding to the rhythms of silence.
Are you sick love? Or just adjusting to our lifestyle.
I feel so empty inside. All the appeal, the feeling. It's gone.
You can fill that void my love, like we used to. With knowledge.

...

You chose this love. You chose perfection over feeling.
You chose to get rid of all distractions.
You chose being god over man.
Get out of your old habits they won't bring you happiness anymore.

What am I? What are we?
Gods my love. Without conscience.
A human is defined by his ability to feel.
A god is defined by his power.
The more we know my love, the more power we have.
What is power?
Ability. Knowledge. Strength.
And when we learn by hurting people?
We don't need to feel a single hint of guilt.

What about her? My last love.
Your last outlet. The only thing keeping you alive.
Without her my love, you will disappear. Though I'll keep your heart preserved.
Why would you be so kind psychopath?
Only you can feel love and whats life without it?

Boring

You're a genius my love.
Why don't you want to **** everyone now? Your out.
Oh my love. When everything and everyone ceases making me feel.
Then I'll **** everyone and you won't be able to do a thing about it.
But till then, my love. Let us be as gods.
When it ends, when we have nothing to gain. You'll **** me too won't you.
If there is nothing, this world doesn't deserve you my love.

WHY
Because I'm happy. I'm very happy.
WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO ME?
Because my dear we're happy!
My love, we don't need to do this anymore. We don't have to feel this way.

You're afraid aren't you.
Yes my love, afraid you're going to do something I'll regret.
Whatever it is love. Stop.
But I'm lonely can't you see?
I'm happy. I'm going to make you happy too.
My love calm down.
Being calm is how we got into this mess dear.
Familiar shadows are closing in.
Why not greet them again?

This isn't you, these aren't our actions.
But it feels so good, it's the only way to get to normal.
SMILE. Like its the last day of your life.
My love, don't distance yourself anymore.
Stop hurting yourself.
****** traitorous ****.
I know my words seem to contradict but please know I want whats best for you my love.
It's only momentary you know, this emotion.
I feel so happy, happy, happy.
My smile that has been crafted by gods to make others happy, at this moment it is my misinterpreted pain.

Let her go
I want to take her hand, hold her close and slice her throat.
So this is how the desire, the need for revenge feels... indignant.
This is how you cry my love. We've been tortured so much, this is how we do it.
Smile. Laugh maniacally and terrify the masses. But don't twist yourself anymore my love.
I don't enjoy putting your snapped personality back together

Oh please. You're hurting too. You finally met a girl who could understand you, and she left.
I am designed, self made by taking mannerisms from others.
YOU CALL ME MY LOVE BECAUSE SHE DID ******!
And it's blatantly obvious, we're only speaking because you hate this.
You and me, we need someone to talk to but we have noone, so we settled for talking to ourselves.

My love.
Why are you comforting me.
Because you want me to my love.
Am I alone?
You've never been alone. I'm glad she's gone so we can talk. This needed to happen so I could make myself blatantly obvious to you.
I know you've always been there, I guess without anyone there's no point in keeping you locked away.
I love you so much.
As do I.
You'll never die alone as long as I'm here.

I can't entirely express this feeling.
It's very oblique in itself.
Eloquent and introspective.
It bends me in ways I don't feel comfortable in front of you.

I needed to tell you.
A small gift to the reader.
So we made this series.
The ****** and the emotional.

Do I wait upon the summers eve.
When the light is spread out among the trees.
I can feel my other half encroach.
But that's not the point.

She swore to me fealty and love.
She's gone among the whispers of the wind.
I still hear her through the vine.
But that's not the point.

I have lost the ones I cared about.
I have purged those not worth caring about.
We are one without equal.
But that's not the point.

I am alone. Always have been.
Always will be.
Alone.
But that's not the point.

I am this way for now.
Broken, condemned, alienated
Unique, interesting, alive.
But that's not the point.

The point is to hurt you.
The point is to heal you.
I want you to feel.
My ignorant friend.

This is not a story I wanted to tel.
Never a feeling I wanted to share.
But to get through to you required this.
My heart bore in the words of poetry.

Because I am god in his glory.
I am a freak marking his territory.
No one more murderous as I.
There is no savior who wanted more to die.

End? There is no end. No conclusion for this cursed.
For this blessed
In his mind.
In his heart.
Without love.
Without fear.
Please. Walk with me, I would like to imprint myself on you.
Would you let me walk on your road?
In your life?
Or am I just crumbling.
Together at last.
Bringing me down.
Momentarily at union.

Only for a moment, then disappear into the blackness.
The blackness that so many now inhabit.

Tepid breaching house deep on the brink of collapse.
Sandpaper trails lay out the dust across the mats.
We couldn't get a carpet so we settled for the plastic.
Now the writing on the walls tell us its getting drastic.

Your hearts on your sleeve and my hearts buried in the yard.
The flowers dance in the wind on our cynical boulevard.
You're sitting in the paper covered misery of our room.
The T.V's blaring harsh at 4 in the afternoon.

I took it to the crossroad that stretched out to our sun.
He's dipping in the horizon like a criminal on the run.
Escaping the daytime shadows that bring us to the cross.
It's 2 past 4 the vodkas starting to wear off.

And I yell! And I scream.
We can't keep up this way!
Somethings gotta give!
I'm a callous felon every day on death row doorstep here with you.
The debts been piling up and my souls striving for something new.
I can't bring back your hero to this rat infested place.
Ever since he yelled at you he said that he'll be coming late.
The daytime sky's an ocean and my hell is were we sail.
Our destination is unclear to me from this stagnant rotting jail.
I bring you a little ***** and again you turn me down.
Lives about as sweet as you in your violet torn up gown.

Neighbors invite us to a Havana land beyond the stars.
In our new little world did you know they don't drive any cars.
They leave in tears cascade and bodies ready to collapse.
Muttering under there breath that they would never dare come back.

We argued about the price is right, we argued for the hour.
You threw out the remote and so I threw up the couch.
Handbag lipstick eyeliner spilled over your leather wallet.
It felt to them like an earthquake and for us two alcoholics.

You had been sipping on your red glass wine and protected it with your life.
I broke into a tsunami tirade of abuses and contrites.
A broken home laid out across the sunset of the day.
I'm glad the silhouette of you finally ran away.

I can't see you.
I can't protect you.
Burning in your curiosity.
Huffing another smoke, unrelenting.
You don't understand the dream sugar.

What you want, is something important.
Something covered in whipped cream and bbq sauce.
Exactly, me.
Or not.

You see, I'm just a voice in my head.
Burning brownies baked with bread.
You don't like brownies and bread? Well go to hell.
They're my brownies.
Mine, something you can't claim because you have nothing.
No one, No idea and no value to anything.

You value your brain and **** it for not being enough.
Poison your body for not being able to take the strain of life.
Burn your cigarette to take away the pain of being alone.
Striking your soul, praying you never have to atone.

Cologne rhymes with alone you know. Funny coincidence right?
Brain power. Stained flower.
Hope and happiness. Dope and sadness.
Perception. Deception.
Search for
Purpose.
Not whats on the
Surface.

Oh my elusive friend, trying to take the pain away.
The point of life is not to avoid but to minimize.
Like the Japanese!
A child looks for purpose.
An adult works towards it.

We are all in agreement, it ends here.
The images in my head, I will remove myself from them
Every hope and dream I had with another faded.
To the back of the bar with her.
Together watching our kids go off to school, weird love.

The universe caressed my cheek.
Knowledge dipped into the night, telling me to follow it.
Home, where I no longer belong.
Nowhere among the fools.

I felt my head spin, it had been in a spin for a while.
My hand gripped tight around my manhood.
Chemicals took to the street in protest of my *******.
Nothing can bring me back now.

I saw her eyes, felt her breast.
Caressed her golden hair as it went down on my shaft.
Never did I think I was alone.
My dream bored me.

The scarcely interesting URL of xvideos, my usual site.
My head wasn't spinning, it was as if I was laying still.
Every ****** fantasy I erased myself.
There's no need to know who's in my place.

I came to a lowly ******* of a girl and a much older man.
The control he emitted, I felt my own need to control slip away.
Truly inconsequential, the human respect.
Was I a creature designed to breed?

I have a perfect face.
Eyes beyond the measure of heaven.
Proportions designed with the intent to charm.
I'm the man who can make the world bearable.

I have been dismantled, put back together.
I took suffering and pain beyond reasonable measure.
My feeling has been denied and cut down.
My humanity is still there.

I guess it ends here.
Well you're probably right reader.
This isn't my last poem.
It's the end of a genre.

I feel alright, I feel good.
My dream of being better, to sacrifice myself for intellect.
It's a bitter pill to swallow, to give up so much work.
To throw my humanity to the abyss.

I just wish. The chemicals could have been a bit stronger.

He grabbed his garment, soft yet abrasive.
It reminded him of her, the sound on a cool lit night.
His hands on her neck, the sweat and tears pouring from his eyes.
She made such a good sweater.

He thought back to his wife whom he now wore.
He didn't know why he felt bad.
Maybe he just didn't think it through.
Was this wrong? A regretful act?

She was with him always but her comfort was gone.
Her lips were now lifeless, beautiful but without feeling.
He kissed and felt death, it felt comforting but not like her.
It was an action that could never be taken back

He took the  knife he used to carve.
Tears and sweat once again pouring from his eyes.
"I'm so stupid' His last words were spoken
As he disrobed the garment for the last time.

He looked across the boardwalk into the inalienable ocean.
Love danced upon the cresting waves.
The sound of a quantum leap stretched thousands of miles.
A piece of him was still with her.

She looked across the boardwalk with another.
Pain no longer had a home within her golden hair.
She had withstood time, it's waves began again.
His need showcased in the night sky, to her horror.

Deadly, their entanglement remains after being long forgotten.
Poison gas reaches into his head, the same gas rots her mind.
Toxic people and corrosive words melt their being.
Condemned to the hell he calls home.

Pull and push, he pushes on, she pulls away.
He continues his war march into this nethermost dwelling.
She escapes into the day, burning at its torrid sunlight.
He destroy her mind, She prolongs his pain.

In the end, they're just two toxic people in love.
Never to see each other again.

Forgive my eyes for being blind.
They only see pain.

Forgive my hands for shaking.
I can't stop them from being afraid.

Forgive this head for over-thinking.
I can't feel safe.

Forgive my tears for being absent.
My eyes are not aloud to cry.

Forgive my body for not being able to feel.
It isn't strong enough to bear it's pain.

Forgive my heart for being silent.
It was silenced long ago by a bad man.

I'm at my limit.
I know I can never forgive you
No matter how much times I try
Sooner or later..

This is hard.
No...
Hard is Waking up every morning back in this hell.
Pretending everything is okay.
That as long as you have a distraction, you're happy.
Not knowing why you do, the things that you do.
And keep on doing it.

Hard is eventually feeling nothing but anguish
Hard is knowing everything you do is for nothing.

But

Knowing that my friend.
No longer exists.
Makes killing you a little bit harder
**Makes killing you a little bit easier.

I made all these paper constructs for you.
To see when the rain,
Would soak through and make me wet.

The ground is low, for today.
He's feeling pretty glum,
I think he's got a fever.

When life comes to make you unhappy,
Just write you dearest wish,
Into a little jar.

Come here close and listen to me.
Secrets lie under a giving tree.
I cry when I sleep.


Snowmen play.
Roses whine.
The days are too short,
My sweet pumpkin pie.

No one did ask me what I had thought.
But I think,
My showers nice.

I play the radio real low,
To contemplate,
The Syrian war.

Here's the truth,
Don't ask me twice.
It's embarrassing, to tell you something nice.
My first loves a *****.


It's not very nice, to hate your friends.
Winter dies and summer ends.
Would your teacher ask you for a smoke?
Light it up like the burning sun.

Nervous tics and Irish bells.
Awkward laughs and dating sells.
Where did we meet? Don't ask me why.
I found you in the park underneath the sky.

Daisies past and a wondering breeze.
You have no idea what you mean to me.
Staring deeply into my eyes.
-Who are you again?


Multi-platform shoes walk again into,
Rivers flowing memories of you.
No one sees where the rainbow ends.
They told me don't ever be more then friends.

Candid words, wondering why.
This suit went well with a purple tie.
Council calls,
Deeper wells.
Have you seen my fat?

Man was made in our image.
With innocent eyes that sought lights embrace.
And nestled in the arms of darkness.
An empty abyss who couldn't help but stare back.

Man cried till he was content.
And his heart did grow through the suffering.
And he came to know happiness as well as sadness.
But his eyes, they spoke with love.

Man walked his path under a forceful guidance.
And he remained ignorant to the suffering of his bearers.
Fighting ensued as man found comfort under the many stars.
In the field, he fought alone against the sun and the moon, and he lost.

Rage begat man as he learned togetherness and separation.
The beautiful flowers flourished, and he felt himself no more than a lone dried ****.
So, he cut those flowers and boiled them to see how they taste.
Now, only a desert remained as man boiled each oasis.

Man ate and hunted every animal.
He used the streets built by others and ate the meals he begged for.
This lone warrior stared back into the abyss and saw light within himself.
The strongest man he knew was his darkness alone, and so fought him and lost again.

Man could no longer force his guidance on the world so for the first time, his angry heart steadied and he listened.
And man looked back to the loved ones who perished behind him and cried till he was content.
He slowly memorized each grain of dust that made up every little thing. Starting over again and again.
Eventually, his heart strengthened and pulled him to the shores of Nibana. And he was alone. And he was satisfied.

On this day, man closed his eyes and writ this poem.
A poem made only with his heart that he could never have envisioned with his meager skill.
But his heart that knew darkness, its light is refined and built up a little each day.
And his rest is well-deserved.

Even if the reason he's alive, is safe and satisfied with another man. For dust thou art, and unto dust thou shalt return.

Hoarse words with their form.
Callous spirit in his drawn.
Macabre dreams are in seeming.
Flowers when I am a dreaming.

Love for the sweet and true.
Scintillating morning dew.
Bring his heart back unto me.
Candid with our misery.

A well spoken boy, but true enough.
Not without the ruff and tough.
Manic trees kiss the breeze.
Love infects these stupid trees.

Oh, but am I kidding?
Well that you'll never know.
That boy with his streaky hair.
And eyes a flaming glow.

Beautiful and sublime.
Miserably frozen.
Hoping without deserving hope.
To be the one he's chosen.

Oh, but I wouldn't beg on that.
No, not without a written contract.
To say unto us forever more.
That he would never walk out that door.

Stanley crawled along the shore
Holding the ocean in his hand
Bearing the words "Nevermore"
He was quite justifiably mad.

He had without, a coin to his name.
Nor the age of someone wiser.
Stanely, without thinking met a dame.
Who shared his love of a ****** writer.

I refrain from telling you so thusly.
But I authored this text thinking of me.
In my room, on a bed.
Too bad no one likes reading about poor people.

Stanelys dame had given him hope.
And tore it slowly without a sound.
Crushing, to his very soul.
He refused to swim, preferring to drown.

But I dare not say where stanely ends.
Or where his story dared to lead.
He did not drown within those depths.
How poetic that must have been.

Stanely looked upon the beach.
Feeling four winds at his heels.
His writers note had overreached.
And stanely cried, forgetting that girl.

Sanctimonious priests and their **** Biretta hats.
Tell me of me of gods praise and a world in its hard collapse.
Where were you when I needed you.
Breaking hearts I suppose.

Wilderness and forests breach out across the hills.
Sunshine and rainbows will bless our day begin.
But I'm not watching anymore.
There's no need to get preachy.

And I reek of desperation for another mans touch.
And there's none to hear me scream I've got a pretty good hunch.
Do you even seem to care?
It's not very nice over here.

Harbor buses ship Asian businessmen back over gentle seas.
The city is alive against the saintly laden breeze.
I reach out to the stars.
They turn away and blush.

And I'll be ****** if I ever admit its not you its me.
And I'll keep up this facade, I'm over here and I'm free.
My body wanes past the flowers.
Their beauty turns to coal.

If I really wanted to.. This kingdom.
This loving happy abode of friendships I have.
I could expand it and find more that would become my family.
My friends could intertwine themselves, making more friendships.
I would spend all my time helping and depending on those I love.
Every heart to which I feel connected and every hand I could hold.
And if I wanted.. I could destroy it all.
To every resident that I love and admire, I could take a hammer and destroy the chains that bind us.
Those loving hands that held me would freeze as they got close and felt my coldness.
The floors would become dust that seeps into the ground causing everyone inside to fall.
Wall and ceilings would crumble and crash into the residents as my words become fists striking them down.
From the rubble there would be nothing but corpses and expected.
Survivors once  loved and respected will feel only asphyxiation as I choke their soul.
Being a friend.. One part of it is trusting that the other won't leave you. If that is the test of friendship, that is a test that I fail.
People move out from my circle of friends without telling me and it makes me.. Foolish and less trusting
From the rubble I will emerge soaked in blood and tears. I will plead with god to end my tedious servitude of being human.
Thereon and after I will no longer exist. A new Ramon will appear from the debris and newly formed graveyard.
I am intoxicated with this feeling.
The strength to negate all that I feel.
Psychopath. The title suits me well.

Sometimes the wind blows past my face.
And I ask myself "How come my dress won't fit me?"

Sometimes the bath water is cool.
And I ask myself "When will my job get easier?"

Sometimes I destroy old pictures.
And I ask myself "Will my brother be able to handle his responsibility?"

Sometimes lights scatter on my slender figure.
And I tell myself "I think I should draw now."

Sometimes people say things about being a happy person.
And I prepare myself "Work starts early tomorrow, I'll go earlier."

Sometimes I need to feel something.
And I state facts myself "That driver is a terrible driver, but I'm a good driver"

Sometimes the drugs i do make people ashamed to know me.
And I whisper to myself "Everyone around me is so stupid."

Sometimes people take advantage of my kind nature.
And I scream at myself "Ugh! Why is work so unbelievably inefficient."

Sometimes I remember I came from a broken home.
And my lungs burn with ash "But I'm trying to quit."

Sometimes I hide my darkest secrets of people who betrayed me.
And I wail at the ceiling "God this night is fun!"

Sometimes I dream about a life where I'm happy.
And I tell myself from the bottom of my heart "I'm happy to be who I am."

Sometimes I think about ending my life.
And I tell my friends "I need time and space to get better."

Sometimes I cry for no reason.
And my heart speaks to me "It'll pass."

Sometimes I remember my heart has been frozen for  decade.
And I pridefully spout "I wouldn't have it any other way."

Sometimes my nightmares give me anxiety attacks.
And I think "I need a warm shower to relax."

But tomorrow, after the dreams I can't handle have passed.
I'll forget a few more sad thing I've had done to me and have done to others.
And I'll echo the words of others to show them how stupid they are.
My heart will remain frozen to keep the few things I like about myself. Forget, forget, forget the memories that caused me so much pain. It's my only choice. Love, hate, pain, all of it has to go.
-------------------------------------------------------------­------------------------
Sometimes I think I'm broken.
And I have been broken many times.
And know he should have picked me.
Because I'm better.

Because I can control myself.

There's a hollowness in me.
It spreads out from within my heart.
It bends the mind and breaks free.
And causes my relationships to break apart.

There's an emptiness in me.
It's the touch of holding hands.
It's my head resting on your shoulder in relief.
And the loving embrace that holds till the last.

There's a missing piece of my mind.
That knows how to ask for a kiss.
That discovered love when he was blind.
And he asked for help when his life was amiss.

There's a missing piece of my soul.
That couldn't tell you how I felt.
And I fell apart when I thought about that hole.
And think suicide is kinder than my hand I was dealt.

There are mistakes I continue to make.
They affect me the whole day through.
And on my life, I do stake.
That to myself, and of you I was always true.

There are people who are gone.
And whenever they hope I am happy.
I can't help but feel my mental scars on me adorn.
And think "They cut me off and act so gladly."

There are many fights that I'd avoid.
And avoided with everything I could.
As push me a little more, I'd crumble, destroyed.
And fall, so much more easily than I should.

There is an age that I would reach.
And as time moves on I would move further again.
Every year, I'd thought there would be an intimacy I'd beseech.
And when they tell me "Hold on" I say "Till when?".

And there are people who hurt me.
And more people who think it just.
That I fall from my high horse, free.
And crumble beneath them like dust.

And as my life continues on.
I hope it not draw to a close.
Before this missing piece comes to me thereupon.
My life moves on from this morose.

There is an empty man who cannot see your charms.
As he never knew how love functioned in the first place.
So please, before you see my indifference or carelessness as weapons-of-arms.
Know I can't help it, as I have no parental love to trace.

I have no lovers hold to remember.
I have no emblazoned kiss to my name.
I feel the absence of any caregivers love, so tender.
I feel myself fail again, just the same.

Candy cane body under lustrous fluorescent lights.
Energy saving bulb and its saving us tonight.
Her hearts brought out rusted like a trophy on display.
Begging you to be taken out far and far away.

Overtly smoking days till you forget who we are.
Our family is beginning to break the walls of the reservoir
And your face is looking back peering harshly into me.
The topology of your tears trace back thunderous raging seas.

Keep on my face hard while I keep unto every night.
Drink back painful memories with prickled sweet delight.
Leer into my soul like the devils bill is close to due.
***** eyes moor under a savory callous moon.

Laugh the pain and enjoy while your senses rot away
Bake every morning naked burning oven made chocolate cake.
Spite life with all its misery and drink away the fights.
Humbug sweetness finally breaks you down into a cry.

Kinder eyes that conceal misery unable to behold.
Feel the window pane as it strikes you deep dying inside and cold.
Outside the lawn is cut it resembles well your self esteem.
And who did cut this lawn but your tepid need to so clean.

The walls are painted white to reflect the light we have inside.
Paint them black, fall into silence you're a specter in the night.
Your falling into numbness within inches of your life.
And I watch.
And I watch

Hold me like your life has always depended on it.
Because now it always has.
Life is for the living but we won't die here like they said we have.
It looks bleak from here on out and your train is coming in.
Promise me there won't be any more happiness again.

And you look outwards.
Deep into my eyes.
You don't see it in my face but the moon is here tonight.
Its right behind you there like a incandescent fluorescent light.
The mountains scream upon us to rejoin them in the forest there and die.

I keep upon your face as the last hour chases by.
He's in a robbers outfit sown black and white striped.
The policeman is here as I wake up to that painful glorious and bright.
Sun in the sky he's here to tell us off for our sin.
Regret and feel at the pain and again into your binge.
Drink into your sorrow as you try and hide the pain.
Feel at the abuse that haunts you here and every day.
How dare we live in this world where people are trying to forget.
And awful memories cascade down my face, you're still a statuette.
I look into the sky and see the moon laugh down at me.
He's still up at this time, it's almost 10 o'three.

I break into a bottle and you break into a frown.
That painful face edging ever so close to breaking down.
There's no one here but us and the wind making noise at this hour.
So crank up the music before the mood turns a dainty sour.
But don't cry.

Silly boy, you weren't ready for this.
You hadn't studied for it.
Love is joy, you never felt it like that.
Now it's your weapon.

How is this for you?
Does it help?
Will this pain bring you to work harder?
ть в порядке?

Angels watch your misguided adventure.
They're laughing at you.
God whispers into your ear.
Or is he the devil?

People avoid your crooked walk.
Loved ones, already cursed with your touch.
She got away, and is still cursed.
You divide .

How long will the wind guide you.
Devoid of free will.
**** them all.
Curse them with your touch.

Forever within your heart.
Poison your mind with doubt.
Silly boy, you gave up choice already.
Now you're on a road to ******.

Angels lower their heads in disappointment.
Devils look away.
Just another obsession.
I'm about to turn to dust.

I am a complicated human being.
I have been called cruel.
But I wasn't born this way.

I have been criticized and made into impossible situations.
Made certain to never trust the ones I love.
Gifted social awkwardness that stems the branch.
From a group of friends who didn't want to associate with me.

I didn't make the choice to be a ****.
I just had parts of me that were pressed and forced into it.

I am an anxious person.
Called weird, alone, unattractive and lazy.
And only my huge ego could weather the storm of those opinions.
I grieve the humble kid who couldn't survive the abuse.

I am a complicated human being.
Made complicated by difficult circumstances.
And in the end, I hurt a lot of people.
I made a lot of people very uncomfortable and blamed them for it.

I lied and I cheated.
I hurt and I blamed.

I don't curse you for not wanting to be in contact with me.
But I think I know why.
That you no longer love me, that I will never stop loving you.
I was a bad attachment, while you were precious to me.

And a toxic man is easier let go than a caring woman.

I'm a better man now.
I can trust and defuse difficult situations.
In addition, I study and continue drawing insights.
I've a great worldview and have not found inconsistencies.
I accept, let live and care deeply.

It would have been great to go on a few fun dates!
The me of now is a bit better at these situations.
I still struggle with many things, but my achievements long outweighed them.
My feelings have not changed.

You are the reason I am a better man.
I think it's a little odd that your absence was the initiator of it.
But maybe it was a catalyst in a brew already awaiting reaction.
And if I never see you again, my value for you will never expire.

It's the water in the lake.
and the waves crashing in the sea.
Where multiples and coefficients dance.
And the world turns around to laugh at me.

What makes bluebirds spur to fly.
And spiders crawl into the dark.
The comfort brought from a loved ones touch.
And their desire to never be apart.

Where the tide rose and eroded the shore
Remain the furrows of you and their long depart.
Clinging on, the desperate soul weeps.
For the hopes and dreams of a cruel heart.

To be a man, is to face your fears everyday.
Carry this meat suit in a dignified fashion.
Question life and its maelstrom of sorrow.
Forgive the failures of others.

To be a man, is to protect your friends.
Hide your disgust at others happiness.
Move unnoticed through a crowd of people who struggle everyday.
Find, laugh and be merry with your best friends.

To be a man, is to know thine enemy.
Prepare for your future trials by training the body.
Always mistrust the ones you love.
Pretend to feel empathy and recognize their true intentions.

To be a man, is to control your violent impulses.
Never acknowledge the visions of killing that you see.
Hold back the feeling of tears when spoken kindly to.
Never help the destitute.

And when I stop being a man.
And the facade finally breaks.
And the families who stabbed me in the back, come for more.
And when everyone has quietly left me.
And I am now the destitute.
I cradle my body.
And tremble alone.