The weight of only a pound
And yet at the same time
Holding the secrets
My back couldn't handle carrying

I was stupid enough
To think I was where
You wanted to be
Until you admitted
That you were lost

I hate you for making it impossible to hate you
- j

P.S. Why am writing this again?

Your mouth is *******
Rolled in a joint of lust
I move my lips
Desperate to get a taste
Of my paper addiction
I inhale your exhale
With a parted mouth
The very thought of you
Making my eyes dilate
My limbs dissolve
In a pool of sugar skies
And all I can whisper
Is "ecstasy"

Love (down)

I love you
And you will never hear me say
That I don't
I know
We are meant to be
I can't believe that you think
You're not beautiful
I'm sorry but
You are mine
You can never say that
I'm lying

Evol (up)

because loving you
is like trying to stargaze
on a cloudy night

he always took
her breath away
and he still does
just now
it involves his fingers
around her throat

She was scared of the monsters
Hiding under her bed
But the scariest of them all
Were the ones in her head

don't tell me
that long distance relationships don't work
when even stuck a million miles apart
the sun still finds a way
to make the moon shine

You are the rose
that managed to grow
In my field of darkness

You may be as bright
As an April sky
But darling
Even the Sun
Casts shadows

The most painful experience
Isn't losing someone
It's the moment you realize
You've lost yourself
- Elena Gilbert

A rainy day
A dead rose
That picture on the wall
My little sisters test
Hanging on the fridge
The project I used to stall
My Polaroid camera
A broken mug
My mom's excuse of fun
A walk outside
A kitty in my lap
The trophies I forgot I won
A forgotten poem
A silent scream
A whisper of the untold true
Little things
Little dreams
All ending with you

The only thing worse
Than the broken feeling
That you will never be able to stop crying

Is the undeniable pain
Trapped inside you
When you can't even seem to start

I hated my exes
Because they were always lying
When they said they loved me
But then again
So was I

You were a face of November
A face that burned through my mind
As I griped my phone with a shaky hand
And heavy defeat
I read our conversation
Splattered with the words
Of my most recent confession
And wondered
What I had said
To leave me
With wet hands
And another reminder
That I will never be good enough

I never knew
If you gave me butterflies
Or just made my stomach hurt

it is 11:59 PM
and i love you

and i don't know about you
but in one minute
when a new day begins
when wifes are questioning
where their husbands are
when the city awakens
for their nightly mistakes
and late night distractions spiral
in minds of regret
i will be thinking of you

and if it's possible
i think i will love you even more
than i did one whole minute before

I know that I'm not
But is it okay
If I just let myself
Feel disgusting today?

"Isn't it beautiful"
She smiled
Gazing up
At the stars

"Yes, beautiful"
He whispered
Staring up
At her

I don't think it's possible to un-love someone
But I do believe that a broken heart
Is sometimes necessary
To learn how to re-love yourself

She gazed longingly after the wandering boy
Who seemed to notice everything
But her

I haven't been able to write today
And I think it's because everything is okay
There is nothing to do and nothing to say
And it makes me miss being sad

There are flowers blooming inside of my mind
A rainbow just fell across the sky
Everything is warm and I don't know why
But it makes me miss being sad

The warmth of happiness inside of me
Is everything that I've wanted to be
But now that it's here it's unfamiliar to me
And it makes me miss being sad

The warmth in my mind is beautiful and bold
And I once hated the feeling of feeling so cold
But now that I'm somewhere else I miss home
I just think I was made to be sad

You are the moon
Dark and lonely
and looking for a friend
And I am the star
sitting right behind you
Praying for you to turn around

Roses are red
Violets are blue
But now so am I
And it's all cause of you
Now instead of the roses
My writs are blood red
And the violets have stained
The side of my head
You hug me and cry
And I say it's okay
But you always come back
With your violent bouquet

Don't fall in love
Fall off a cliff
It hurts a lot less :)

You warned me about your demons
I said I didn't mind
And I didn't
Until they dragged me down
To hell with you

As I stare into the mirror
Her face scrunched up
Is she disgusted
Sad
Does she know that I am
Waiting for happiness too
Does she know that I am
Trying to hide as well
I try to relate as I am
Reaching forward to comfort her
My hand
Meeting glass
My eyes
Grey
As I stare into
the mirror

I wish I could freeze my happiness
In little ice cubes
So when I'm having a bad day
I can just pop one in my mouth
And let it melt my worries away.

It was nothing more
Than the ways your eyes lit up
When you saw the snow falling
That made me realize
How much I wanted it to be cold enough
To freeze time

"look at the stars!"
You said smiling beside me
And I just shook my head
As I starred into the pitch black darkness of the sky
Wondering why I couldn't see them too

I don't care if I'm at the top of a ******* cliff
If you are drowning at the sea below me
I'm going to jump

i was a match
just waiting for someone
to light up my world
i never thought
you would leave me
to burn

Hot coco tastes like chocolate
Popcorn tastes like salt
Cats feel too soft
Dogs bark too loud
I'm hungry so I will eat
I'm thirsty so I will drink
I'm tired so I will sleep
I’m alive so I will be
My brain is working
My heart is pumping
I am alive
But I am not living

It's okay to fall down
If you don't know how to fly
It's okay to make a rainstorm
If you feel you need to cry

It's okay to get your feelings hurt
By things that people say
It's okay to fall apart
When people don't wanna stay

It's okay to kick and scream
When you life falls apart
It's okay to cry yourself to sleep
When you have a broken heart

It's okay to show the feelings
You feel you need to show
Because falling apart and getting back up
Is the only way you'll grow

I don't want you to fill up the empty parts of me
I don't want you to carry my weight and let me cry on your shoulder
I don't want you to pick up my broken pieces
And glue them back together for me
No
I will buy my own glue when I have enough money
I will hold my broken pieces and get them back together somehow
I will learn how to balance on my own two feet and soak my own shirt will my tears
I don't want you to fix the light that has burnt out inside of me
I want to learn to light up my own world
And then I want you
Because together we could light it on fire

I wish everyday for the breeze of an Autumn morning
The light chill that kisses goosebumps along my legs and arms
I wish for a golden leaf to fall into my hair as I walk along the pavement
For the sun to shine through the shy, soft clouds
I wish for a warm cup of cocoa on a November sunset
And the soft fuzz of my cat’s tail brushing against my leg as she purrs onto my hot skin
I wish to curl up beside the fireplace with a good book
And dream into the nothingness of tomorrow
I wish to blast the smell of lavender around me with the click of a lighter
And fall into the wonderful scents of the future
I will gaze out the window as I watch the leaves fall
As the smell of warm heat surrounds me
A book in my lap, my cat by my side
I will fall into a frenzy of chapped lips and soft blankets
Some people wish for a lover or a laptop
But all I want is the breeze of an Autumn morning

She
She was everything
She was cool nights and sweaters
Mint leaves and tea
She was the softest shade of a morning flower
And when she laughed
The leaves shuddered against the simple chime
Her long soft hair was the color of maple pancakes and coffee in the morning
And also smelled like so
The wind would twirl it around its fingers
And sing against her peach skin
Her lashes, so long, would shine against the stars
And when she looked down
They seemed to reach to her toes
Lady bugs would crawl along the soft hairs and daze off into sleep
She never seemed to mind
Her full pink lips
Were soft and pure
Her tongue never spoke a trick
Even though she could
Her smile could freeze the entire world
And turn it to winter in a second
Though she preferred the flowers
Her eyes were so big with wonder
They were the color of water and sky
And seemed to flow like a running stream
Her body was so light and delicate
That the trees held her against their branches
Afraid that if they let go she would evaporate like the dew on a cherry blossom
She was so beautiful and pure that she seemed too good to be true
She could cure the world’s problems with a single sentence
And turn hate into a blissful state
She was everything
She was the crisp air on an April morning
The soft fuzz on a lavender stem
She was lace bras and chapped lips
And she was a sight to see

The only difference between sound and silence
Is that one is real and one is in your head
I always have a hard time figuring out which one is which

I don't want to be alone forever
I want to feel the warmth and love of another
I don’t want a fake friend or a one minute lover
Or the broken pieces of another
I want a real person
A human connection
Not a shadow of my broken reflection
Someone to comfort my cries
To notice my sighs
To empathize and recognize the right things to say
I just need someone to say
That I am loved and I will be okay
I need someone, for once, to stay
I want to hug someone when I am cold
Not a desperate relationship that will get old
I don’t want a robot or another fake mold
I just want a human person with a soul
I want a friend
I want a lover
A sister, a companion, a brother
I don’t want to be alone forever
Will I really be alone forever?