In a mysterious new world
she wanders, confused.
Not yet understanding
all the fine print.

She speaks in a foreign tongue
but smiles brightly
as if nothing could ever
take her from the stars.

Somewhere, you have a home.
Somewhere, someone will miss you.
Somewhere, somewhere, somewhere-
Well I'm sick of it!

I'll never have a home,
And I don't want people waiting for me!

I want people to accept my actions.
I want people to leave me be...
I want them to continue on like normal when I'm gone.

Or maybe that's just because it's all I've ever known.

Waiting in the silence
for the breath of cold wind
for the touch of warm hands
for the whisper of the trees

Waiting for the noise
the chirping of the birds
the croaking of the frogs
the sound of the disturbed

beauty turned sour
a hand that holds a knife
as the warm blood drips down and down
you could have saved my life

You once said I was horrid
a person with no style
too fat, too rude
but now look at me

Am I pretty now?
All skin and bones
my face covered in red, hot blood
as it drips down my ashen face

Amm I pretty now?
With styled hair
with fake nails
and make-up on

Am I pretty now
wasting away
I just wanted you to say
I was pretty

As I'm sitting in the back
memories of the past haunt me
I close my eyes against the pain
trying to block out the noise

The thoughts reverberte in silence
as I fight to hold back the tears
I'm just the girl sitting in the back
so nobody actually cares

I watch the world around me
content to just observe
I see the horrible reality
The truth begins to unfold

The way humans interact
is truly disgusting indeed
because they rely on looks and beauty
instead of what you need

I watch this all unfold
in the back of class
I wipe the tears from my face
silently, beginning to laugh

I may be insane
but I don't really care
I'm broken beyond repair
So nothing really matters

I'm just the girl in the back of the class
as everyone's laugh echoes
I sit in silence, Watching
listening, to the voices

I'm sweating and shaking
I don't know why,
my mind is quaking,
I'm too scared to try

My chest feels tight,
my legs are weak,
Too lost to fight,
too frightened to speak.

The noise, it drowns
the voices that are near
My head, it pounds
there's a ringing in my ear

The moment passes,
when I see my friend,
"We love you,"
"You don't need to pretend"

Never ending circles
spun inside my head
You've created a monster
the me you knew is dead

Look at what you've caused
Though I am not mad
It will always be your fault
which in itself is sad

But the words that you told me
that fateful Monday night
on the bus alone
you told me of your fright

It hurt more and more each day
as I had to watch your face
from far, far away
because I couldn't keep pace

Nothing can be undone
our fate is spun and weaved
I can tell you
it's not what I believed

I never once thought
that the world could be so kind
as to give me a happy fate
but darkness envelopes my mind

The next time that I speak to you
I will be a different person
so when you see my broken face
I hope you learned your lesson

There are many places
I wander at night.

Some are made of mist,
Some are made of ashes,
Some are made of glass.

There are many places
I remember at night.

Some are a distant memory,
Some never existed,
Some will fracture at the slightest touch.

They always told me
"Life is something to cherish"

But I never learned the difference between
Surviving and living,
I never saw anything in myself worth saving.

Come, my love
let us drift out to sea
where the storm rages on
and we're too blind to see

Come, my fear
let us be washed away
where we cannot come back
to the light of the day

Come, my anger
let it be one with me
let it overtake everything
and every memory

Come, my emotions
there's no time to waste
I'm numb to your feeling
I just want a taste

Come, my numbness
my hollow,
my empty,
my sorrow

Come, my hatred
of myself
and everyone else
and take it from me, I know

There will come a time
in your life
where these emotions
are right by your side

But when you blink
and turn to sleep
they'll be gone
like the dew
in the morn'

This cursed flower lay wilted
one embrace turns it to dust
it shatters with a single breath
it's been put through too much

When beauty turns to envy
as the flower crumbles away
with one last breath within her
will she fade away?

No one knows for certain
she's fine on the outside
but they don't know the torrent
that pulls her mind astray

these thoughts won't leave her head
they threw her out with the dead
broken thoughts that were tossed away
where beauty once roamed

now only a barren wasteland
of wilted flowers and a grey sun
where the sunlight cast looming shadows
over her head as she lays still

contemplating what would happen
if she left this lonely place
where no one cared
about this cursed flower

she dances around the thought
spinning circles in her mind
but at last, she comes to a conclusion
she will vanish from this life

It's a bitter dance with fate.
He twirls me and I reply by stepping on his toes,
because I can't dance to such a foreign beat.
And fate is whisking me away,
moves unreliable and messy,
barely better at dancing than I am.

This can't last forever.
Eventually, we'll grow tired
of the confusion and unpredictable moves
each other will make.
And we'll break away to take our own steps,
off the dance floor and towards the buffet
where we gorge ourselves on the future
we choose for us.
The things we know will be what we want.
Fate cannot control us here,
He cannot lead us away on a mystical journey
going off into the misty evening.
At least, not until we open our eyes and realize:

We always come back to the dancefloor.
and Fate comes in many forms.

How are you?
I have nothing left to give you.
You have taken each breath, memory, and tear I have to offer;
and you have destroyed it.

Dear Agony,
What do you want?
You have taken everything!
I am nothing now, all thanks to you.
So please, leave me alone for once in my life.
I don't want any more.
I don't want anything.

Dear Agony,
You aren't leaving, are you?
You're going to stay with me until my dying breath.
You are going to haunt me long after, too.
Fine. Okay. Do whatever you want,
I'm too numb to care now anyway.
Just another thing you've stolen from me.

Dear Agony,
Will you please end it all?
You are the only thing that has stayed by my side,
Granted, I didn't want you.
And I still don't want you.
But I'm stuck with you,
so could you help me, just this once?
Take away all that makes me, me.
I don't want to be me right now.

Dear Agony,
Why?
Why is it that the only things you've left me
are hate, anger, and self-loathing?
Why do I have to suffer because of you?
Why do I have to hurt those around me because-
I. Can't. Be. Rid. Of. YOU
YOU are the problem.
YOU. Not me...
Please...God, don't let the problem be me.

Dear Agony,
Are you happy now?

I never asked for much
It wasn't worth enough
It wasn't worth the rush I'd feel
upon getting what I always wanted.

I never wanted much
what I had was good enough
What I had would make do
it's better than asking you

I never wanted to say
that I was not okay
but when you look at me
you don't even see me

You're too focused on
the ****** show you put on
Just to make us look away
and never ask for anything

it's the ultimate form
of grade A distraction
a natural reaction to
everything we don't want to hear

And when I look at you
and the stupid **** you do
I want to scream at you to
stop, and take a look at life

You're throwing it all away,
and dragging us down with your sinking ship
You're burning it to the ground
the life I wished we could have lived.

So Mother, put the ashtray down
Listen to me when I tell you what I've found
I don't want to live on earth anymore
but you turn away without a glance
and walk out the door.

Did you ever hear my cry for help?
I've done it once before and you never helped.
I can't be bothered to trust you again
when you take a look at my life and don't care
that I want it to end.

I would write to you
if you would reply to me
But if they ever saw these letters
then who would I be writing to?

I write a page at a time
only ever staring blanky a few moments
and then picking up the pencil
and letting my hand glide over paper,
But who am I writing to?

Am I writing to myself
or am I writing to my fallen dreams,
my fading memories
of a time I once longed for,
but can never reach.

Am I writing to the person I wish I was?
This person is an imposter
a fake; an intruder
whose sole purpose is to let them never
see the real me.
So they only know the perfectly flawed,
but never enough to take action.

I think I write to both,
a desperate cry for someone to heal me
with their fingertips drying my tears in the night
after another bitter fight that leaves me hollow
and lets me fade away into restless sleep
as my tears leave trails on my cheeks.

The withering plant
of despair and loneliness
the decaying leaves
of love

The crashing waves
of untold tortured
that decays thoughts
of happiness

The smoldering flames
of love lost again
that decays the heart
in my chest

like the decaying pain
and sadness, and joy
nothing is left
my mind is numb

If they only knew what goes on in my mind
Ever since I could breathe, they would be
astounded by the darkness in my skull.

If they only saw what was racing through my thoughts
every time I open my eyes, they would beg me
to keep them closed tight.

The high road of life was never meant for me to take
when I fall through the cracks, slipping
on the wetness created by my eyes.

I look at all my scars, closing my eyes once, then twice
then never wanting to open them. Horrible reminders
on my heart and soul and skin
that remind me that I think I am worthless.

This high road has been lowered
and I am dangling over the edge of all that I am
and all that I ever will be.

So I am now faced with a decision:
Let go, or claw my way back up to the solid ground.
I think you know which one I'll end up choosing.

Demons
Dark creatures roam
To tear apart your love
And cause despair and chaos
Monsters

A glance at the clock can't tell me
the nanosecond it takes
for the thoughts to seep through my head,
and let me know that I am nothing.

A ticking time bomb can't relate
to the raging inferno
that burns up every good feeling I ever have
and makes me feel cold in the heat.

A sad song can't tell me
that everything is okay.
Because everything is not okay,
and I'm too terrified to even think.

I'm too terrified to ask for help,
because they won't believe me,
and if they do, that means I have to
tell them what I think.
And I can't think past the fire in my skull,
or the music at the forefront of my mind.

I can't tell them that every time I close my eyes
I imagine each way I could die.
I imagine the pain and feel it rush through me
in the form of excitement,
and fear,
and anger.

Because I just can't accept that part of myself
to be true.
Because I wish it wasn't,
and I don't want anyone to see that side of me.

The tears returned
I don't want to stay
It's gonna be alright
Reach for the sky
Please, a moment later
a cold touch...
Don't say a word

Don't forget your promise to the stars.
Don't let all the misery, tear you apart.
Don't let your heart blow away in the wind.
Don't let my memory go out like a spark.

But if you do tonight.
I'll just close my eyes.
So I don't have to see,
when everything I love
Is set free.

Save your tears for someone
who can comfort you as they fall.
Don't waste them on someone
who can't even cry for themselves.

Save your laughter for someone
who can laugh along with you.
Don't waste it on someone
who's forgotten how.

Save your bright smile for someone
who will appreciate the gesture
Don't waste it on someone
who's smile is never true

I'll give you a single piece of advice, my dear:
It would be a mistake to fall for someone
who cannot fall for you.

Sing me to sleep
oh, voices of my past
I can't wade to deep
in the sea that is your laugh

for if i stay with you
surely I will drown
I don't know to swim,
not when you're around

I try to draw a breath
but water fills my lungs
the void that is waiting
as I'm going numb

The moment that I realise
That you're hands hold me under
I awaken in my bed gasping,
unable to get away from you

I walk down these empty halls
gazing at the worn out walls
at the memories that I see
wondering what I was meant to be

Walking down this empty street
Averting my gaze from every stranger I meet
I cross the paths of dark and light
but soon the day is blotted out by night

The lights of stars illuminate my path
I kept walking, less I face their wrath
when memories are brought to the surface of my mind
I  wish desperately, pleading for them to rewind

back to a day where I could wander these roads
down worn-out paths that no one knows
but alas time has gone so fast
nothing gold, I guess, can last

If I could steal your love for myself
I would just keep it on a shelf
so I could look at it every day
and know that it hadn't faded away

If I could catch a glimpse of you
I don't know what I'd say or do
for when the night is cold and dark
your eyes light within me, a spark.

I'm so sorry that I never said
to those eyes that I wished to be dead
But now everything is so crystal clear
it's too late now to shed a tear

I've lost you to bittersweet pain
it's like I'm dancing in the rain
my favorite weather, my only tune
what's left of my heart, has fallen to ruin.

You've left me here, in this dark place
suffocated by your face
I'm sinking so low, amidst an ocean of black
and I don't know if I'm coming back

So please, hear me scream
please, know my dream
has never involved you
I was to blind to see what I needed to do.

I'm gone now, so don't be afraid
My suffering has been repaid
I didn't mean to leave you in the cold
but this emptiness was where my soul was sold.

I've had enough stupid games,
enough of your ******* lullabies
to sing me to sleep
when you know I lay awake staring
at my ceiling wondering
whether or not I should say '**** it'
and throw my life away,
or to say 'oh well' and suffer through
another miserable ******* day
where I have to see your face and know
that behind that smile
is a mother who
cares more for her cigarettes
than her daughters.

So no-
I'm not lending you another cent for your satisfaction.
I'm not going to nod my head along to your half-baked opinions.
I'm not going to let you walk through my life,
ruining every precious thing I have left.

because the secondhand smoke has already destroyed my body,
your words have already destroyed my mind.
I won't let the shattered pieces be picked up and swallowed like the pills that you love shoving down your ashen throat.

With these silver threads, I spin
a lie so elegant and beautiful
no one can help but to just see it at face value.

With this loom of gold the stories told,
so untrue, yet so revealing.
yet they never blink or criticize
because they're seeing, but not hearing

This display of fear is nothing more
than an illusion, just an act.
And with every replay I say,
Take a bow, this fear's a fact.

And this circus of my insomnia
will not let anyone look away.
They'll be captivated and sleepless
by the time they close their eyes.
But again, they'll never wonder
if they're as tired as I'm.

Such a display of character
Must simply be rejoiced.
But they never wonder, or ever doubt
If I ever got a choice.

They tell you to be yourself
but hate it when you do
so instead you put on a mask
so fake, at least to you

They don't notice
or they don't care
they like this fake you
So that's the way it goes

On days you're tired
it doesn't show
when you're in pain
they don't know

they think you're perfect
they think your strong
but when you're not
you just play along

Until one day
your mask crumbles and breaks
the shouts and yells of anger
drive you to the edge

to late to pick up the pieces
they're pleas turn desperate now
because as they look up at you
you're falling, falling, down.

Lights flickered
Danced
I screamed
my head spinning
What did it take?
You can't hurt me
You can't stop me
What remained of me?
It was finally over

A single touch may break me
but still I follow the light,
creeping from the dark
as if my soul could not
be shattered.

I followed,
but never could quite grasp
such a sacred thing.

Dusting off the chains
that wrap around this heart.
Polish them until they shine
so golden in the dark.

chains so strong,
they can withstand time
and everything that
tries to break them.

Chains so bright,
it's all anyone ever sees
and they turn away
from the real treasure underneath.

If they fall with just one look
I'm sure it's the gold
that's got them hooked.
And you'll leave them in the dust.

But if they see past the fool,
to the darkness deep below.
And search until they find your heart
then they'll hold your soul.

And pray to God
that they truly care
for if they make it far
a single word would be enough
to tear you from the dark.

This never-ending silence beats down fabricated skies,
And twists words of hope and comfort into a writhing mass of lies.
This voice of hopeless love or obsession
Spirals down into the darkness, deep into depression.

Raise the cool metal to the sky up above
And let the worries melt away, fly like a dove.
For when the world is both cruel and kind
That single bullet serves to remind

Let tension melt away the fears
As your mind is aged beyond your years.
And like all bright things have a dark end
What was once torn, the metal shall mend.

You're not going far
With that scarred mind of yours.
Oh, I beg to differ
I'll build myself upon my hatred
Of mankind.
I'll build myself and tear into my soul,
extracting words I've never told
And laying my soul bare
for all to gawk at.
This is a gateway to my future
Of suffering that I will let define me
For the sole purpose of entertaining others
With my faults and mistakes.

Give me the strength
Of a thousand hearts
Beating in a song
Of life and love

Give me the strength
Of the wind on a rainy day
So I can hope to be as strong
As the howling storm

Give me the strength
Of a million lifetimes
Of a million souls dancing
In the sway of song

Give me the strength
To say I love you
And to let you
Into my padlocked heart

Give me the strength
To unlock the part of my brain
That doesnt think
Im a waste of space

Because i need the strength
To make myself able to live
The life I desire, but can never have

The cars racing fast
Don’t notice until the crash
Stops them in their tracks

A crowd gathers fast
The whistle of a car horn
Nothing good can last

A life ended soon
Too much was lost, gone by noon
As car tires squeal

These dimly lit corridors
are not a home to me
I walk down these tainted halls
With a broken heart, i try to flee

I walk down this cursed hall
where others don't reside
for fear of the pain they'll face
where monsters don't try to hide

My gaze locked downward
Drawn to the floor
as I walk slowly forward
My legs heavy as steel

I wait for the light to blot out
as if a shadow has covered the sun
but when my heavy gaze looks up
all I want to do is run

but my legs feel heavy
and my breath is weak
and your gaze is sharp
ready to take a leap

I want to fight back,
but my body seems heavy
I want to stop you,
But your stance scares me

I'm scarred by the end
unable to take anymore
my body feels much lighter
now that I'm hanging above the floor

beautifully serene; waiting to be seen
through the eyes of those who wander
through the mystic night, it brings
about the change of turning paths

And crossing roads that may or may not cause the words to repeat,
spinning and dancing across oceans
of well-constructed thoughts that fall,
into the waiting ears of the world

But only in those who have seen
the nature of all, and the singularity of everything;
only then can you witness the truly awe-inspiring world that
was hidden behind the gaze of those unseeing and unbelieving

A deep resonating eerie hum
that shakes you to the core
And fades away, here today
You cannot find a cure

You waste away; like a shade
trying to do, nothing, not really anything
You stay the same, waiting to fade
You try, but you can't do everything

You're hollow inside
Nothing but a shell
I know that you,
you can't tell

I'm hollow inside,
filled and cloaked with shadow
I know deep in my mind
I wouldn't want it any other way

I can't really think now
the thoughts begin to blur
my mind begins to hollow out
until nothing's left there any more.

In my life there are three things:
A feeling of emptiness,
a hollow laugh and blank face,
Hiding behind a mask

I wonder day by day
nothing changing
the world around me is unimportant.
In my life there are three things:

My own emotions elude me
they go about their days
hiding in the back of my brain
a feeling of emptiness

Upon my face there sits
a person I don't know
Because of all I ever am is
a hollow laugh and blank face

Day by day, night by night
nobody ever bothers to look
but I never bother to tell, I'm
hiding behind a mask

Your fingers curl around me
like tendrils of mist
of icy darkness
in this floating abyss

All around me is dark
no light to be seen
My skin as cold as ice
Your grasp a freezing touch

You cling onto me
Frozen to the touch
as I try to pry you off me
but your grip as strong as stone

I cannot escape your Icy grasp
which chills me to the bone
Thoughts of light and warmth are gone
only darkness is my home

So when I feel your Icy grip
dragging me farther down
I welcome your icy grasp in comfort
as you pull me down

Without my mind, I have no home
for the place I live is gone
the people living in their hatred
their lives the world surrounds

Without my mind, I have no friends
because the ones I've come to know
are ignorant of the feelings of others
otherwise, surely, they would know

The things they say, mocking tones
About mental illness, those without homes
I hate the way they target the weak
just because of how they speak

I want to live in a world
where nobody has to die
from racism and misunderstanding
or from what people say online

I want to leave this place
where people commit suicide
because others can't stop to care
about what others have to say

So with these poems, I wish to open
the eyes of people who read
this world is slowly dying
from everybody's greed

I've learned not to love
But to keep my heart close just in case
someone thinks it'd be fun
to cradle it and leave it in the ground.

I've learned not to hate
but to keep my anger at the ready just in case
I need to defend my loneliness
and keep others from getting to close.

I've learned to fear
but to never let it show just in case
someone takes it and mocks me
for being terrified of what others love.

I've learned not to hold a grudge
but never forget just in case
they do it again and again and again,
and I promise not to let them back in.

I've learned these things at the tender age of sixteen,
and these rules I set for myself I never follow.
I set up protectors, walls that keep out what I fear
but I crave the pain and darkness that comes along uninvited
when I roam past my walls into uncharted waters
and bypass every wall and rule I've set up
to keep my heart safe.

So people come and they cradle my heart
and then they leave it in the ground.
So people I want to love, I come to hate
because my anger goes out of bounds
and my loneliness is my sanctuary of calm and self-loathing
that I cannot just forget about.
So people know my fears
and they trample all over them when they forget,
when they don't care, when they become selfish
and spiteful, and arrogant, and ignorant.
So I hold the grudges, but I still let them back in
knowing that the same thing will happen.
But my self-worth is lower than Hell
so I crave the pain it brings because it reminds me that I am here,
still serving my punishment for living in such a world.

You'll never know what's on my mind,
it's everything I've tried to hide.
I think I've failed-
Could you tell me why?

All the frustration of being alone,
All the desperation when I'm with others.
It's a constant push and pull,
I'm begin torn apart.

Where I am now,
with no one around.
It's so peaceful and calm and
So...Empty

Where I was before,
surrounded on all sides,
a tiny box of linked together hands
confining, restricting,
too crowded.

Where's the in between?
The middle that I crave?
I've only been there once...
but only in my dreams.
I don't even have those now,
So imbalanced by nature.
One's too little,
two's too many.
where's that point five?

When you wish upon a star
just to forget who you are,
what does that say
about this girl wasting away?

To keep you in my life
was such bitterness and strife.
I pushed you away from me
because you were close enough to see

To see the scars painted in my head
and the thought I wished would just stay dead.
And when I go to bury you
there's very little I can do.

You spark a light so dark within
maybe I should let you win.
But the light burns me from inside
And from your love, I run and hide.

I don't know why I am this way,
But please, don't go away.
I need this love, so little I've had
even if it feels so bad.

It's not your fault I feel this way
the earth wanted my mind to decay
I stay awake through the night.
wishing I could stand the light.

What would happen I took a step?
Would I burn and wither where I slept?
I want to try so desperately.
But I'm terrified of all that may be.

So take my hand and guide me there.
away from this world of despair,
This house is a fun-house of slaughter
Because they can't take care of their daughter

When everything you touch
is all gone, turned to dust
where are you supposed to hide
from the monsters deep inside

They chase you in your sleep
you see them instead of sheep
you sleep upon the ashes
of your burned out mind

When every building is just rubble
inside your little bubble
where are you supposed to go
when nothing's left of your home

When every chance you get
you pick out the mistake
but you don't see it
until it is too late

will you fall, or will you run
try to escape your mind
for within your head lying cold and dead
is the body you left behind