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2.1k · Jun 2017
Bye bye my ....
Miss Me Jun 2017
I opened my...
And then I felt my soul leave
And never did it return
To me

I searched high
I searched sober

Then I stopped searching
Altogether
I thought when I wrote this that it was a strange one indeed! Now reading it again sometime later and looking, and hoping , and learning, I now see what I was trying not to. (****** abuse)
854 · Dec 2017
Trust
Miss Me Dec 2017
The thoughts are present
  Of yesterday
The happiness we had
  In such a way
Then night came to bring
  A new day
It was then that the trust
  Slipped away
Trusting seems like a chase
816 · May 2017
First Look
Miss Me May 2017
This way, that way
  All over the place
He said, she said
  I am a disgrace

I stumbled and fumbled
  And my soul fell ******
But grateful to those
  Who do the study

I might not seem hurt
  when you take your first look
But next time you'll see
  I'm dangling by a hook

It pokes and drives deeper
  As i struggle to get loose
And I scream and I holler
"Oh what's the use?!"

I was about to accept
  That bipolar stigma
When the news flashed
  That killer was a bipolar enigma

Oh no!
  Now here we go
All those bipolars
  Are freaks you know

They all looked at each other
  With absolute wonder
As the ground opened up
  And the bipolars fell under

How dare they so foolishly speak
  Without even a blink
I so fear my life
  Is again on the brink

One down, two down
  Three on the verge
Thank you society
  For your so selfish gurge!
757 · Sep 2017
Seeks
Miss Me Sep 2017
My mind
    seeks answers
       My heart
           seeks love
              in the absence
                of my mind
I keep trying to move on
657 · Dec 2017
Emotions
Miss Me Dec 2017
I'm at a loss for words
   My emotions are in abundance
618 · Jul 2019
Two faces
Miss Me Jul 2019
The paths taken
   Feel so unforgiving
To hear the words
   You say are true
Stand strong and linger
    With a bitter taste

Can't you tell what's
    Right or wrong
And if the affects
     Lay within my reach
Just yesterday
     You pulled me in to help
          Feel safe
And now your like
   The Cheshire cat
       And his foolish grin
How can you wear two
     Faces at a time
Which one do you feed
     At any given time
607 · Jun 2017
Smoldering
Miss Me Jun 2017
Inflamed with desire
  You will never meet
I often ache for it
  But always out of reach

The slow burn inside
  Becomes absolute
Yet there is never
  A chance to see its truth

I have become
  A person of only one
Never believing
  It could ever be fun

Then stricken
  With a sense always unknown
It has made within me
  Its very home

No longer will it be
  Absent from the mind
I smolder it only
  As a gift to be kind
600 · Jan 2018
The Fragile and the Able
Miss Me Jan 2018
Fragile keep silent as we all can see
Truth there are no words to be spoken of
And the able speak loud and will strive to be
They continue on and still yearn to love

Then the silent reap not of one
More tear
Only to give in on their dark set hour
While the able cling to gray skies of fear
Upon which they shed another tearful shower

Then the silent no longer walk this land
Truth they have gone to a far away place
While the able see upon the fear and stand
With a heartfelt tear falling down their face

So it becomes that all shall understand
Fragile are gone and the strong forever stand
561 · Feb 2018
To Be Loved
Miss Me Feb 2018
Laying beside him and unable to speak
He wraps himself around my every breath
Unfolding into his sensual warm wet kisses
If I go away this moment
I will have known what it feels to be loved
Finally
My heart feels my answered prayer.
556 · Jun 2018
No More
Miss Me Jun 2018
I felt the plunge of it's talons
   As it wretched my heart to pieces

The excruciating feeling of the ripping and the tearing of my heart

The sounds of it feeding upon me brought forth the vile in my stomach

I couldn't survive this time! I knew there had to be an end.

No more pain, no more ugly thoughts running rampant in my mind

No more seeking desperately to make it stop!

To just lay down and feel no more is the only thing left that I want!

To know that I was just a crazy woman in everyone's mind matters no more.
To survive this biggest blow, I pray.
550 · Nov 2017
All Bottled Up
Miss Me Nov 2017
All bottled up
   Like a little secret message

Then placed to float in
  mother natures shifting motion

To finally arrive
   In the still waters of all bottled hauntings
505 · Sep 2017
Today
Miss Me Sep 2017
Blue skies with
No such clouds
Cool air from a
faint morning breeze
Though such beauty
The heaviness i feel
Weak flesh upon standing
The cold stone tightness
With arms in disarray
And the ticker
Just swollen
Sludge that demands
Always to exist
Feel just once more
To a light feeling mist
496 · Jan 2018
Little Bird
Miss Me Jan 2018
Sing me a song pretty one
   There upon your perch

Yes let me see
   The stretch of your wings

How beautiful you are
   Left in a trance

How light and serene you can be
   I long to sit upon a perch

Where I can sing from my soul
   And set it free
475 · Jun 2017
Roll the dice
Miss Me Jun 2017
I ache to roll the dice of pain
Over and over

A sad die, lost die, lonely die
Help me with a new lover
Lost somewhere gambling
449 · Jul 2017
COWARD
Miss Me Jul 2017
I absolutely know there is something
hiding within me
It lays low in my soul which keeps my spirit at bay
Oh how i keep aching for a different way of life
Yet i cant get loose from its choke hold
On my heart
I could see death in the reflection of myself this morning
And yet still I cant put the
glass down
that keeps that part of me hidden
I plead for it to show itself
So that maybe , just maybe i can get beyond it
I am resisting the urge to rid myself from the creature that refuses to come forward
What a coward it must be for it is not I but IT that preyed upon me
What lays ahead I never know
but hope somehow
It beheads you
YOU COWARD
Please know me
449 · May 2018
Fire
Miss Me May 2018
The fire building inside
   Should cause an alarm

But no one sees
    Nor feels the heat

It rises and grows
    As no one listens

Then finally you'll hear
    There she blows
Some people never hear what is being said. And it could be what would make a difference in this world!
427 · Sep 2017
Not To Cry
Miss Me Sep 2017
Again comes a rush of
    Overflowing pain
It swells and it swells
     Where it lays hidden
    deep in my throat
I can feel it thrashing
     And clawing to get out
Only never to succeed
Then the scars that are left
      Shatters my voice
Silence once again
     As my soul begs me not to cry
Every abuse there is has found it's into my life.
413 · Jul 2017
The Haunting WHY
Miss Me Jul 2017
Why do i feel so dangerous
   When i ask the simple why question

Its hidden and tucked and pushed
    Just outside of my reach or should i say my mind

I want to like the me inside
    But every glance of her
She simply spits and spats
    In my direction

I think she hates me
    I don't blame her
But again i must ask
    The same **** question
Why?
Fear is always with me. And i dont know why
412 · Nov 2017
Whispers
Miss Me Nov 2017
Whispers whispers
The whispering we all hear
He who
Whether alone or with others
Lends a listening ear
Should understand the loss
Of another's
Reputation
And protect it always
By rejecting
Their whispers
By expressing
With a hault of Their hand
There should always be an end to gossip by refusing to participate in it!
397 · Jan 2018
When Death Comes
Miss Me Jan 2018
Dark cold nights must come
Stealing life with eyes upon
Til death be to some
392 · Sep 2017
To Love
Miss Me Sep 2017
I want to love you
    It seems impossible
I yearn to love you
    But its not within reach
For you to love me
     Is more than i can love you
373 · Feb 2018
Betrayal of Trust
Miss Me Feb 2018
Pain once again rushing beneath your feet
The force of the blow left undetermined
Love was right there and to not be a cheat
Just like the man who comes to be confirmed

Then slips in the mind of  a troublemaker
Taking it's hand and dropping like a hammer
Then there lay upon the loved and it's maker
Beauty of it shined enough to calm her

Then the attack from whence it once came from
Lay blistering and bleeding from then on
Then brought together like beats of a drum
Nowhere to be seen only heard and then gone

Playing with betrayal will cause the burn
Life's greatest treasure left a grave concern
362 · Jul 2018
Let The Truth In
Miss Me Jul 2018
Truth not always spoken
   But always known
For the day will come
    With such spoken words
Let the truth in

Let it be the release
    of the old
And the building
    Of the new
Let the truth in

Let it be known
That what is seen
   with the eyes
Always holds the truth
Let the truth in

And the trust within
   The new you begin
360 · Nov 2017
Breached
Miss Me Nov 2017
Little small hands
   Little small feet

What beauty lies
   So hidden beneath

A child's reach
   Should always be met

But an adults
   Why?
After all it's just grief

It's easier to hold a grudge
    Then to take a little peek

Even when small hidden souls
    Have much to teach

But it's the guiless blinder
    You choose to keep

That way you can escape
    The blame that you breached

For so selfish is the way
    Of this so called life

When you think nothing
    Of a life you didn't care to reach
357 · Oct 2017
Butterflies and Bees
Miss Me Oct 2017
All those feelings tucked away
   When  depressed

Came leaping out from such a place
    so compressed

Flowing fluttering like butterflies
   And i shall never forget the beautiful bees.

I wished they would land upon me
   On grey days as well as a clear days

They're beautiful these feelings you see
   Just like the butterflies and the bees
To my daughters, the butterfly and the bee!
352 · May 2018
COWARD
Miss Me May 2018
I absolutely know there is something
hiding within me
It lays low in my soul which keeps my spirit at bay
Oh how i keep aching for a different way of life
Yet i cant get loose from its choke hold
On my heart
I could see death in the reflection of myself this morning
And yet still I cant put the
glass down
that keeps that part of me hidden
I plead for it to show itself
So that maybe , just maybe i can get beyond it
I am resisting the urge to rid myself from the creature that refuses to come forward
What a coward it must be for it is not I but IT that preyed upon me
What lays ahead I never know
but hope somehow
It beheads you
YOU COWARD
Please know me
348 · Sep 2017
Grace
Miss Me Sep 2017
To move with grace
    Would be my wish
To live life by grace
     Would be a forsaken place
I follow close to seek
      Out this place
To lie my broken spirit
      but not my final resting place
347 · Nov 2017
Trust
Miss Me Nov 2017
Always strive deligently far within

Until you see that spark of trust again
342 · May 2018
Consumed
Miss Me May 2018
Consumed for so very long
   With everything about ME

I did not know until  
    IT NOW HAS BESEIGED ME
Looking back on my life I see what has hurt me.
333 · Dec 2018
Fall
Miss Me Dec 2018
To feel as though I may fall
   Upon painful memories from so
      Far ago

The battery of feeling unloved
    Which whence it was born from

To fall to my knees
     Is where it takes me

There's no hiding
     No plight quite ever allows
  
Just cradle myself for there is
     Never one to understand

How it crumples me into
      So many folds

That I can no longer unbend
      And try still to remold

It lingers in the stillness
      Of my lonely home

Never do I want to feel as though
      I may fall
325 · Nov 2017
BEEauty
Miss Me Nov 2017
Look at her beauty
  There as she stands

Quick! Quick!
  Before she hides again
To my my youngest  daughter
Whose name is Bee
324 · Oct 2017
Hater
Miss Me Oct 2017
They said "snap out of it"
   And the hurt only got worse
Do they not know
   Next time i might be in a hearse

Can't they see
   I am broken
I am not a thrill ride
   That comes to life with a token

The loneliness
   Sets in even deeper
And I want my life
   To be a keeper

I can feel me
   Escaping my body
And am struggling
   Not to be a nobody

But even after
   All these years later
I still feel their puncture
   And view them as a hater
323 · Apr 2018
This World of Mine
Miss Me Apr 2018
I breathe to stay alive in a world I'd rather not be in

It is such a natural thing, to fight for life

Yet, I also fight the urge to live
In this world

My fear of living with such pain day in and day out

Ii's not natural, yet I constantly think of death and how the pain would end
317 · May 2018
Slumber
Miss Me May 2018
At times she laid upon her bed
   Daring herself to drift

It was then
   Those  dark, dark slumbers
        Taught just who she really is
315 · Mar 2018
Abandoned
Miss Me Mar 2018
There's such an emptiness
   The void always present
Leaving no desire
    For this life or another
Falling to your knees
    Frantic for answers
Never believing you'll
    Ever be of worth
In the eyes of others
    Is where it hurts
The pain ever growing
    Oh how it badly hurts
The chase of a love
    That will never be
Without fail
    Again tossed into the sea
Drowning in the depths
    Of the deep blue waters
And knowing that's all
    It ever will be
Just how can you expect
    Anything more of me
There's no rebuilding
    The you and me
It never being your fault
     The day I finally
Make you leave me
313 · Aug 2017
No Time to Waste
Miss Me Aug 2017
Oh what a place
   I so badly want to go
Back to the years
   Of a child's life unknown

To roam and wander
    And not fear what lies ahead
Only to sing and be happy
    No matter which path you choose instead

To skip and run
   Up and over the hills
So happy to see
    That you have a life still

But my tomorrows bring only
    Tears and pain
All because of a house
    So full of such disdain

My cheeks now wet
   And salty to taste
Please oh please
    No more life should I waste
The past is history, tomorrow a mystery and today is a present!
309 · Nov 2017
Nothing but Gold
Miss Me Nov 2017
To walk with nothing
  In hand

Allows room for a
  Heart of gold
May we all share the holidays with a heart of gold!
306 · Jul 2017
Am I
Miss Me Jul 2017
I turn and glance
  And she does it too

I lean to test me
   And she pushes me right on through

am i
Am I
am i
AM I

At the end
Only feeling this blue at times
I will never succumb to these atrocities!
305 · Oct 2017
Shattered
Miss Me Oct 2017
Excuse me
    I believe you have
         something of mine

Please I don't think I
    Know what to do
         without it

I know I thought i could
     Trust your words
           When you took it

You know when you
     Thought i wasn't looking
            But i was

I was afraid then that you
      Would misplace it
            But i chose to look
                   the other way

You took that key to my heart
      And now it's broken
            without it

All I can ask you now
      Is when you took my key
             It wasn't to cherish it
                     was it

So ask you softly now
       Can you finally return it
            To where the pieces
                   Now lay shattered
304 · Jan 2018
Love Me
Miss Me Jan 2018
Keep loving me please

For that,
  Is how I take my next breath

Without it
   Is when I'm sure to hold my last breath

So just keep loving me please
We all seek to be loved unconditionally!
303 · Dec 2017
Innocent
Miss Me Dec 2017
These emotions lay dormant
    For many long days
Soon they'll erupt and spew
   The vile in which they were made
The pretense that promotes
   Such hateful descriptions
Only pulls away the flesh and exposes
   The innocence
297 · Nov 2017
Hope
Miss Me Nov 2017
Such a feeling came today
learning to understand

For just yesterday
  I could have easily gone
    away
296 · Oct 2017
Euphoria Is All Mine
Miss Me Oct 2017
My euphoric state of mind
    Is artificial
It brings awareness of my feelings
    And it is the only time i feel alive

Please don't judge me
  or shun me please
For it is all i know
   Of me at this time
Numb scared happy fear i only am aware in this state of mine!
296 · Nov 2017
My Warrior
Miss Me Nov 2017
I knew the pain
  She would feel today
When I whispered to her
  There can be change
The fight to step high
  Might be a reach
Now my babe
   See her relaxed asleep
To my oldest daughter Sheri thank you for letting me be me
288 · Aug 2018
Mine to Own
Miss Me Aug 2018
It has been said
   "Your day is coming"
That life can turn
    in an instant

I have been hopeful
   that day indeed would come
So when it appeared
   you bet I jumped aboard

With all that I had seen
    with others that is
it was then I learned
    my expectations are mine to own
282 · Jul 2017
My eyes
Miss Me Jul 2017
I just looked into my soul
  I stood there lost in the stare of my eyes

Oh lord
  Help im falling

And what if when i hit bottom
   Thats it all i ever know of me

Trust me
   Just run!
276 · Aug 2017
You really do not know
Miss Me Aug 2017
Let me go
   To where i will never be known

To laugh
   And play with no such shame

To the fools who claim
   They know you better

*******, *******
    You must not know any better
275 · Aug 2017
A Part of Who I am
Miss Me Aug 2017
I do this
   Pretty much everyday

Sometimes you'll see me
   Other times i dont want you to

Whether it is on the outside
   Or in the inside

Its always a part
   Of who i am

It speaks softly
    And sometimes not

It can engulf me Suddenly
    Or creep up on me

What do i do
    nearly everyday
  
I let my tears fall and allow
   For me some Grace
Crying used to get on my nerves until i realized its part of me.
272 · Nov 2017
Stand as One
Miss Me Nov 2017
I am you
  You are me

So starting this day
  Let us all come to be
272 · Jul 2017
Whispers of the Night
Miss Me Jul 2017
Loneliness smothers me in the night
  My mind tired of the ride
Blissful thoughts
  Are not even a trickle

I whisper sadly
   You should JUMP
Then loneliness
  Shall be no more

I cry to myself
  I deserve more from me
How did I get here?
  Is what i ask

I cannot remember
  This day or night
For it takes its stroll
  Right through the light

Only to leave me
  On this same old path
How did i get here
  Is all i ask

There is not
  But just one ride
I answer myself
  Just hold on tight!
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