your name is
forbidden in
my mouth
or in my heart
because when
i think about
you;

i'll cry a little more,
hurt a little stronger
love a little softer
because you no longer
make me feel sober

i'm drunk on the
memory of you

stop
kissing
me in
the corner
of our school
where
no one
can see
us

but maybe
start
being
a friend to
me so
that everyone
knows
that i'm
more than
your toy

stop calling
me when
you're drunk
with your friends
and call me names
"what a ****."

you'd laugh like
you told a joke
but really
you know
you're lying

don't push
me in
the hallways
and act
like it
means
nothing,
like i
mean
nothing

i know
you only
say those
words
and do
those things
to get me
out of your
head

but i hope
you realize
that you're
not the
only
one
who's
afraid

i don't know
why i still
look at your
horoscope

get out of my head

get out of my head

GET OUT OF MY HEAD

please

i'm the
kind of girl
that leaves notes
written on desks
but those notes
aren't for anyone
but me

those notes say:
"you look amazing today!"

those notes say:
"smile some more!"

those notes say:
"you aren't alone"

those notes say:
"you're respected"

those notes say:
"you're loved"

and i don't mind
if anyone else
reads them
because everything
on those notes
is everything
that applies to you
as well

my body sleeps
for hours and hours

but my mind never sleeps,
not even for a lone minute

it's so hard to escape
the captivity of your own mind.

lonely yet surrounded

i'm
making
a deal
with the devil
when i dance with
him late at night
down at parties
drunk in love
with you

but he's got me
wrapped around,
oh the devil
stays with me
and he pulls
my hair back
as i let
it all
out,

he's always
mad but
he won't let
me go because
every night,
he calls me
in my room
asking for
one last
dance.

dancing with
the devil
has never
been
better,
because
he's a devil
in the form
of you.

how can my own home feel like jail?

the windows are always open but i
can see the bars that trap me inside
my own mind, hold my lungs tight
to stop me breathing,
there's always fresh air entering
but when it comes near me it becomes
rancid and putrid, choking me
and tearing me up but i will always
end up inhaling the matter or else
i won't survive

the rooms are filled with ornaments
from different countries,
little souvenirs that we were there
but even with the furniture
i feel secluded, my bed is not
only my resting place, but it
sobs as i rest my tired eyes,
hoping that even in this darkness
of my room, where i can hear the
shallow breaths fill the air,
perhaps the light that escapes
between these walls could
guide me and send me a halo

the clothes that hang solitary
waiting to be reached towards,
they only cover me from this
world that i live in,
these clothes do not liberate me
but they protect me from
anything worse than this jail
in which i know i shall rot
ever so slowly but until then
i shall pray that it won't be
due to my sadness or the fact
that i can't stop worrying and
stressing about the future

if only these walls, this jail,
stopped my mind from wandering
into a state of freedom,
aching to be heard,
screaming at whatever chance they have
but this voice will never escape
as i am made of steel,
my bones are my cage and
this body is half-alive

hold-me, could i dare to ask?
hold-me, in this jail as i
fall into deep sleep,
pray that i won't wake up
hold-me as i soften my breath,
i'd finally feel the rain
as it patters onto my face
but i'd look up and see no sky,
no clouds and no heaven

stop looking
in the mirror
at your imperfections

don't look at your
acne scars
or if you don't
like your nose
or the color
of your eyes

but let's look
at that breathtaking
smile you have,
the amazing
personality you
have

and how
special you
are because
you are different
from everyone else

pray
for me
a miracle
because when
the sky does fall
the devil will come
back running towards
me with his arms open
hoping for me to reach out
for him and call for him and
love for him but i can't love him,
i can't love someone that evil and
cruel, who laughs as he tortures and
smirks as he breaks your heart yet he
still would rub it in your face as if nothing.
dear angels above, the sky might be falling
but you're falling too, send a miracle and pray
for me as you fall, dear broken one- don't give up
on me now but save me from this devil inside of me.

don't treat me
as if i'm fragile
because i might
seem quiet and shy
but i've got opinions
that are so strong
that they want
to break
through

opinions that want
me to tell you
to stop
being a
hypocrite

opinions that
make me boil
because you
won't ever
understand how
it feels to be
shut down

opinions that know
what i am
is not an option
but it's what
i've become
and what i've
accepted

opinions that
you have of me,
that i'm not
confident or
pretty

here's my opinion:
i'm confident that
you don't know me

i'm confident that i
don't need your
retorts in my life

i'm confident that
the words you
say that might
even hurt,
mean nothing
to me

and i'm
confident
that i won't
ever let it
effect me
again

i feel pretty in
the clothes i wear,
i don't need your
comment on them

i feel pretty with my
hair like this,
my shoes like that,
with my eyes on my
book because
truth be told,
it's way more
interesting than you

so wash my name
out of your mouth
because you say
i'm fragile and
oh so weak

so what if i am?

why do you care?

do you feel  anxious?
can you still eat without
having the thought
that maybe you'll
swell up and
can't get past door
or hearts?
wanting to be like
paper but
you never thought
that being paper
was fragile
and that people
could write all
over you.
what you needed
was thick skin
and a thick heart.

do you feel scared?
when you hear your
name, thinking
are they talking
about your scars?
your imperfections?
your breakouts and your
bruised skin.
can you look at someone
straight in the eye
without thinking
that they're staring
at that ugly mole
and aren't even
focusing on you,
so you look down
at their feet
but darling,
you should look
at them with pride
because your scars,
marks and pimples
are not an end
but they are
a journey,
a story
of what
you've gone
through.

do you feel stressed?
when compare your body
to a model or an idol
who has a tiny waist,
yet she's curvy,
do you measure your *******,
your waist and looking
for solutions to looking
like your 'dream girl'
that you dream about,
the one who's
so confident
so beautiful
so perfect?

have you ever thought,
that maybe
your dream girl
was actually inside of you?
she came to birth with you
she opened her eyes with you
she said her first word with you,
she walked with you.

and she'll dream with you
oh she'd care for you,
look out for you,
crave for you
but most of all
she'll love you.

you are your dream girl.

feeling so cold,
you said you
want to
overdose
but you
tell nobody
else that you're
on the low

feeling so cold,
you're scared
of being alone
but when was
the last time
you let
someone home?

i'm scared
because i'm
falling in love
with you
                       but i don't know
                       if you're going to
                       safeguard my heart
                                                            and i don't know
                                                            if i could make u
                                                            stay forever
                                                                                           oh god,
                                                                                           i really wish
                                                                                           for u to be my
                                                                                           girl for the rest
                                                                                           of my life.

everyone has that one song
that makes them
laugh sometimes,
smirk like an idiot sometimes,
or cry sometimes

for me it's the
sound of your
voice,
the sound of your
heartbeat gently
beating underneath
my head as it lays
on your chest

stay with me
a little bit
longer

they say blood is thicker than water but haven't they heard
of ichor?

ichor;
the deep felling within, when you sense that something may
go wrong but let's set that thought aside because you don't know
what happens when the blood boils of gods and goddesses
or when the hues of gold and silver yearn for solitude as they
transform into something new; more precious, more expensive.
falling from the slick blade of a hero, poison to any mortal. but us-
humans- are wicked. if that blade falls into our palms, we'd corrupt
the world by spilling ichor for our mutual misunderstandings. so
we let ichor fall back into history- a curse for the reader- hoping one day that it'll fall into innocent hands so that once again,
unleashed from it's chains, would come Hade's hounds coming
to get you.

you don't like
those freckles
on your shoulders
but i love drawing them
on the page like
constellations
that are immoral,
that stay with me
forever
even if
you don't
know
that i
exist on
the same
planet
as you.

i took breathing for granted
until the day you stole the
air from my lungs,

i took it for granted until
my ribs became steel traps
caging me in captive
like a threat to itself

there's nights i'll wake up
gasping in the heat of fire,
choking in the smoke and
begging for sweet oxygen.

not long ago i could breathe
without giving a thought
and the only thing that
feels right is when i cry
and what love of of red, pink
and white that you gave me
is now clear and transparent

i've gotten used to breathing
in the world this way without
your heartbeat in sync with mine

but now it's beating with the
monsters within the wall

it's beating with the monsters
within me

do we live for the sake of ourselves
or do we live for the sake of eachother?

why are you so ******* yourself?
the way we're just pushing ourselves to the limit
being our own biggest bully
why do we do that?

let's not
be a little
more social
but let's be
a little more
open with
ourselves
before we are
open to anyone
else

let's not be a
little more humble
when we haven't
been selfish
for ourselves

let's not be
a little bit careful
to anyone
until we look
out for ourselves
until we care
for ourselves
and then we'd
be ready for
someone else

let's not believe
in anyone else
until we believe
in ourselves

let's not send
our love to
anyone else
until we
truly love ourselves

being us,
being you
and being me
is so different
but we all have
similar needs so
fulfill ours first
until you go to
someone else

because being you
always comes first

why do we call it "falling in love?"

perhaps it's in the act of giving oneself up
or maybe it's because you take a leap of faith
or is it because when you fall

        you either get caught
                                  
                             ­              or
                                                   you get hurt?

sometimes
just thinking
how much you
mean to me
is overwhelming

do i mean the same to you?

lately i've been feeling stumped
because even my own roots do
not ground me firmly
but they want to
bury me
alive

rub those
tears off
your full on
baked make-up
face,
wipe those mascara
drippings and
fix your lipstick
because i can
see you breaking
even if you hide it
get it together, barbie

i promise i don't want to get back with you but at the same time i want to talk to you, to hear you and to spend my time with you. is that alright? or do i sound in love? the scary part is that i don't want to love someone who's going to break me again

it's hard loving the same person
that your friend loves

should i betray my friendship
and follow my heart

or

should i betray my heart
and follow my friendship

ignore that
mole on
your face

ignore that
pimple that's
gonna grow
and trigger more

because even
your moles
and your
pimples
are not who
you are

they can't make
you ugly,
it's you
who decides
what you are

so ignore
the comments
and start saying
that you're
pretty
even with your
mole or your
pimples

because every rough
edge
only makes a
more perfect
you

why do roses die but thorns remain?

i promise that
when the wind blows
i'll think you're there

when the sky cries
i'll think you're there

when the leaves fall
i'll think you're there

every holiday,
every dinner,
every family gathering,
i'll think you're there

if i can't be strong
for myself
then i'd be firm
for my ancestors
who's blood bathes
willingly in my veins

i'd lay down in the
silence just concentrating
on my pulse as a clock
to watch the timeline
of the generations
before me

i'd fall in love in
each hardship,
in each misery
in each downfall
because they made
it through

i carry their courage
and durability
and it runs deep
inside of me

and that's how i
know i can be strong
maybe not for myself
but for them

i'm not the lighthouse
that you visit after
a rough day at sea
i'm not the one who's
shining my light to
direct you in the night
but those waves that hit
are my tears,
i shed in the daylight
cowering in fear
i'm the moon
that's so bright but you
won't be see me
as you're blinded
by the reflection
i'm the one who controls
those waves,
the ones that make you
reach home safely
or the ones
that make you drown
so be careful on that
ship
because the moon
isn't always a goddess

you smile but i can see those tears

i can't climb your walls
anymore so please break
them down
for me.

perhaps in this life
our soles never touched
the same ground
but the next time
our souls will

you
silently
call for me
in the night
and i come
running back in
your arms,
others might say
that i've lost my screws
and that i've got no clue
but i know that
there's nothing better
than loving you,

and i know you feel
this too,
our connection so wild
so free and so powerful,
it makes you sway
i heard last season that
the fall took you away,
you always loved autumn
the best.

and i can't help but imagine
how you would look
if you were still green
as you can be,
but slowly you changed
shade and went orange
but still lovely
because you were the
colors of the autumn sky;
full of shades, yellow,
orange and red.
almost made me wish
that i could change with
you.

it was early in the morning
everyone else was probably
dead asleep,
but i came to you
as i heard your calls
and silently watched
as you turned brown,
the color of lost
and now my
color of love.

now as i paint the canvas
i don't use the green
of your eyes
but i use the brown
of my last sight of you,
the brown of your voice,
the brown of your cries
and the brown of your soul.

i wish we knew from the start,
if someone was going to leave you in the end

so that i would never get close
                            never would trust
                        & never would love them

some say that it hurts
when you don't
accept the expectations

but some of them don't
know that it hurts
more knowing
that you'll never
reach them

prickly roses
quick to touch

don't you weep
let's keep this a hush

sing my song
when you fall

or else watch
your demons as
they crawl

is it cruel that sometimes i am
able to breathe normally,
and to get through
the day without
sobbing when
i think about you?

it's only been a little while
but it seems as if
i've forgotten your
petal soft skin,
always fresh with soap,
your hair neatly
clamped to a side
and,
your aching back which
arches stronger than
any bridge, carrying
all the weight of the
life you lived

those weary eyes,
glossy with tears
when we came to
visit from miles away
only to stay for hours,
with you crying
as you hug us
as we depart
like robots

we could've visited more often,
stayed a little longer,
because now all i can do is
pray in the morning when i wake up,
pray when i come back from school,
pray before going to sleep

i wish that your soft skin
stays gleaming,
i wish that your aching back
is no longer curved like a bangle
but instead straight like a ladder
letting you reach the heavens,
your long hair full of colour,
draping earth

and when i'll see the shadow,
i'd think that's you above me,
when i'll see the rain falling,
i'd think it's you crying
as you miss us,
as you look over us,
as you love us from there,
and when spring comes
the petals dancing in the air,
fragrance from france,
the one that's so expensive
won't even compare to your
scent

please let me shake in your
arms as you rub my back
with the strength of generations

please let me hug you
and cry with you as i leave
you behind

just for a little while
let's be together
in this short
life

they say i dream
too much
but if love's a
dream
then i'd like to
dream forever

don't expect
me to echo
your
opinion
because i've
got opinions
of my own
but you're
too busy to listen

don't pull me apart at my seams
but instead stitch me stronger with your love

a year ago
i lost you
six feet under

and even a year later
i love you
six feet over

cracked lips,
tired eyes,
staring deep into starry skies

it's been weeks
since we chose
different paths
but i'm hoping
that these
parallel ends
meet once again

you want
to keep
us a hush
because
you don't
want anyone
to know that
you're with me

you make it
pretty clear
when you
cunningly
follow me
like a shadow
so much alive
but not noticed

you're careful
when you're
with me
in case i might
blow up
but i don't
let my feelings
out because
i know
i will
lose you
if i did

i'm frightened
without you
because in
some wicked
way you make
me feel loved,
in some sick
way i feel happy,
in a sinners way
you make me
feel alive

the truth is
that i'm an
object to
you,
i'm just someone
who you can come
to and look for my
attention

and i'm
always dumb
enough to
give it
to you
i'm so dumb
to want you
i'm so dumb
to accept you
i'm so dumb
that i can't
let you go

you say
we're just
lovers
passing our
time,
i wish i
could call
you mine

you won't
make the
first move
then
i'd have
to prove
what you
really mean
to me

still, i know
you'll leave
me alone
and how
can i be
a lover
without
your love?

we, humans, are so strange-
we fall in love so easily,
we hurt so easily
yet we won’t forgive as easily

i turn a blind eye
to my fears
but when it comes
to you,
i can't help but
stare

i don't know what
it is but there's
something cliche
that captivates me
completely
even if i despise
you more than
anything

i'll help but you never tell me what's wrong

how about giving me a little hint?