my body sleeps
for hours and hours

but my mind never sleeps,
not even for a lone minute

it's so hard to escape
the captivity of your own mind.

i'm scared
because i'm
falling in love
with you
                       but i don't know
                       if you're going to
                       safeguard my heart
                                                            and i don't know
                                                            if i could make u
                                                            stay forever
                                                                                           oh god,
                                                                                           i really wish
                                                                                           for u to be my
                                                                                           girl for the rest
                                                                                           of my life.

do we live for the sake of ourselves
or do we live for the sake of eachother?

why are you so ******* yourself?
the way we're just pushing ourselves to the limit
being our own biggest bully
why do we do that?

why do we call it "falling in love?"

perhaps it's in the act of giving oneself up
or maybe it's because you take a leap of faith
or is it because when you fall

        you either get caught
                                  
                             ­              or
                                                   you get hurt?

lately i've been feeling stumped
because even my own roots do
not ground me firmly
but they want to
bury me
alive

it's hard loving the same person
that your friend loves

should i betray my friendship
and follow my heart

or

should i betray my heart
and follow my friendship

i wish we knew from the start,
if someone was going to leave you in the end

so that i would never get close
                            never would trust
                        & never would love them

i know it's bad to hold on but i just miss your company.

i don't think i miss you like i used to, maybe it's just the friendship i want now, the conversations we had and how happy i was.

i miss me.

i promise i don't want to get back with you but at the same time i want to talk to you, to hear you and to spend my time with you. is that alright? or do i sound in love? the scary part is that i don't want to love someone who's going to break me again

what's the point of building friendships if all they do is knock you down?

a year ago
i lost you
six feet under

and even a year later
i love you
six feet over

hour long calls
hour long messaging
hour long giggles

minutes long stories
minutes long for a few words
minutes long for being scared, afraid and desperate

seconds long for three words
seconds long for saying sorry
seconds long for a bye

and a fraction of a memory

falling in love hurts
falling out of love hurts more

but falling in love alone
and falling out of alone,
hurts the most.

some say that it hurts
when you don't
accept the expectations

but some of them don't
know that it hurts
more knowing
that you'll never
reach them

i sat silently in the auditorium
my hands clammed up in a fist
their voices echoed in the room
but none to reach me

i sat scared in the auditorium
they gathered in groups
turned round to stare
and all i could do was look away

i sat idle in the auditorium
they would think that i’m
mute like a ghost, dead or gone
walking right through me

i sat praying in the auditorium
my feet nervously tapping
my voice quivering when
i asked the girl beside me
a simple question,
thank god she answered

i sit alone in the auditorium
this room has held my voice captive
my confidence has been stolen
and yet my heart pounds every
split second but you still
cant hear me?

why do roses die but thorns remain?

we, humans, are so strange-
we fall in love so easily,
we hurt so easily
yet we won’t forgive as easily

is it cruel that sometimes i am
able to breathe normally,
and to get through
the day without
sobbing when
i think about you?

it's only been a little while
but it seems as if
i've forgotten your
petal soft skin,
always fresh with soap,
your hair neatly
clamped to a side
and,
your aching back which
arches stronger than
any bridge, carrying
all the weight of the
life you lived

those weary eyes,
glossy with tears
when we came to
visit from miles away
only to stay for hours,
with you crying
as you hug us
as we depart
like robots

we could've visited more often,
stayed a little longer,
because now all i can do is
pray in the morning when i wake up,
pray when i come back from school,
pray before going to sleep

i wish that your soft skin
stays gleaming,
i wish that your aching back
is no longer curved like a bangle
but instead straight like a ladder
letting you reach the heavens,
your long hair full of colour,
draping earth

and when i'll see the shadow,
i'd think that's you above me,
when i'll see the rain falling,
i'd think it's you crying
as you miss us,
as you look over us,
as you love us from there,
and when spring comes
the petals dancing in the air,
fragrance from france,
the one that's so expensive
won't even compare to your
scent

please let me shake in your
arms as you rub my back
with the strength of generations

please let me hug you
and cry with you as i leave
you behind

just for a little while
let's be together
in this short
life

i promise that
when the wind blows
i'll think you're there

when the sky cries
i'll think you're there

when the leaves fall
i'll think you're there

every holiday,
every dinner,
every family gathering,
i'll think you're there

how can my own home feel like jail?

the windows are always open but i
can see the bars that trap me inside
my own mind, hold my lungs tight
to stop me breathing,
there's always fresh air entering
but when it comes near me it becomes
rancid and putrid, choking me
and tearing me up but i will always
end up inhaling the matter or else
i won't survive

the rooms are filled with ornaments
from different countries,
little souvenirs that we were there
but even with the furniture
i feel secluded, my bed is not
only my resting place, but it
sobs as i rest my tired eyes,
hoping that even in this darkness
of my room, where i can hear the
shallow breaths fill the air,
perhaps the light that escapes
between these walls could
guide me and send me a halo

the clothes that hang solitary
waiting to be reached towards,
they only cover me from this
world that i live in,
these clothes do not liberate me
but they protect me from
anything worse than this jail
in which i know i shall rot
ever so slowly but until then
i shall pray that it won't be
due to my sadness or the fact
that i can't stop worrying and
stressing about the future

if only these walls, this jail,
stopped my mind from wandering
into a state of freedom,
aching to be heard,
screaming at whatever chance they have
but this voice will never escape
as i am made of steel,
my bones are my cage and
this body is half-alive

hold-me, could i dare to ask?
hold-me, in this jail as i
fall into deep sleep,
pray that i won't wake up
hold-me as i soften my breath,
i'd finally feel the rain
as it patters onto my face
but i'd look up and see no sky,
no clouds and no heaven

they say blood is thicker than water but haven't they heard
of ichor?

ichor;
the deep felling within, when you sense that something may
go wrong but let's set that thought aside because you don't know
what happens when the blood boils of gods and goddesses
or when the hues of gold and silver yearn for solitude as they
transform into something new; more precious, more expensive.
falling from the slick blade of a hero, poison to any mortal. but us-
humans- are wicked. if that blade falls into our palms, we'd corrupt
the world by spilling ichor for our mutual misunderstandings. so
we let ichor fall back into history- a curse for the reader- hoping one day that it'll fall into innocent hands so that once again,
unleashed from it's chains, would come Hade's hounds coming
to get you.

we don't even realize
how quick like
a sharp breath,
a lunge in the ocean,
a ***** of a needle,
a shot of lightening,
is how fast our
lives boil with our
deeds

suppose you've done
all that you've wanted,
but are you ready to
go to sleep?

perhaps in this life
our soles never touched
the same ground
but the next time
our souls will

i will love myself forever, i promise.

there used to be
a time in which
i didn't pour myself
into my poems
but everything
changed when
i felt my first
betrayal,
sadness
and anxiety

as time went by
i spent countless
hours, focusing on
miniature poems in my
mind and actually
having the courage
to post some of them,
that was the moment
that was worth
living and existing for.

my poems have been my best therapy

if i can't be strong
for myself
then i'd be firm
for my ancestors
who's blood bathes
willingly in my veins

i'd lay down in the
silence just concentrating
on my pulse as a clock
to watch the timeline
of the generations
before me

i'd fall in love in
each hardship,
in each misery
in each downfall
because they made
it through

i carry their courage
and durability
and it runs deep
inside of me

and that's how i
know i can be strong
maybe not for myself
but for them

sometimes
just thinking
how much you
mean to me
is overwhelming

do i mean the same to you?

i can't climb your walls
anymore so please break
them down
for me.

it's been weeks
since we chose
different paths
but i'm hoping
that these
parallel ends
meet once again

i'm not the lighthouse
that you visit after
a rough day at sea
i'm not the one who's
shining my light to
direct you in the night
but those waves that hit
are my tears,
i shed in the daylight
cowering in fear
i'm the moon
that's so bright but you
won't be see me
as you're blinded
by the reflection
i'm the one who controls
those waves,
the ones that make you
reach home safely
or the ones
that make you drown
so be careful on that
ship
because the moon
isn't always a goddess

don't pull me apart at my seams
but instead stitch me stronger with your love

i don't know
why i still
look at your
horoscope

get out of my head

get out of my head

GET OUT OF MY HEAD

please

"how much do i mean to you?"
you asked that in front of everyone,
acting so full of yourself, brave and proud

and in that split moment my ribs caged
my heart captive, i held my breathe for
a minute, and my heart froze for a second

i took a sharp intake before i spoke those words:
"more than oxygen."

i hope you didn't notice that i lied.

they say i dream
too much
but if love's a
dream
then i'd like to
dream forever

it's better if
i don't speak
because
whatever words
come out of my
mouth, you'd
still be angry
with me

i turn a blind eye
to my fears
but when it comes
to you,
i can't help but
stare

i don't know what
it is but there's
something cliche
that captivates me
completely
even if i despise
you more than
anything

don't expect
me to echo
your
opinion
because i've
got opinions
of my own
but you're
too busy to listen

your name is
forbidden in
my mouth
or in my heart
because when
i think about
you;

i'll cry a little more,
hurt a little stronger
love a little softer
because you no longer
make me feel sober

i'm drunk on the
memory of you

how silly it is to say that
i love you from afar
because hearts like
ours never attract
but they can collide
and pause for just
a breathing second
as we get a glimpse
of love for the first time

i'll help but you never tell me what's wrong

how about giving me a little hint?

feeling so cold,
you said you
want to
overdose
but you
tell nobody
else that you're
on the low

feeling so cold,
you're scared
of being alone
but when was
the last time
you let
someone home?

rub those
tears off
your full on
baked make-up
face,
wipe those mascara
drippings and
fix your lipstick
because i can
see you breaking
even if you hide it
get it together, barbie

i hope i'm not the only one who thinks about you.
do you even remember me?

you smile but i can see those tears

prickly roses
quick to touch

don't you weep
let's keep this a hush

sing my song
when you fall

or else watch
your demons as
they crawl

please don't
come to me
when you're
feeling lonely
but instead
come to me
when you
feel happy,
alive and free

i'd like to
pay more
attention
to how i
feel than
to what you
want to do
today

i'd like to
pay more
attention
to what i
want to
eat instead
of having
what you
feel like
having

i'd like to
pay more
attention
to the
clothes that
i want to
wear, instead
of pulling on
the ones
you choose
for me

i'd like to
pay more
attention
as i live
and love
with myself
instead of
giving my
best to you
without
thinking about
me

so call me
selfish
if you must
but is it
a crime to
pay attention
to myself?

don't give me
broken pieces
to pick up as
you go because
i'm not a mender
and i can't heal
these scars