I put up curtains
So the sun couldn’t seep in
To hide the fact
That my pain was slowly leakin
Bleeding out
Felt like I had nothin to believe in
Opened up
And got kicked in the teeth when
I only had love
But soon jealousy would sneak in
We tried to front
But our hearts were only seekin
Custody of love in its entirety
And not just on the weekends  

And though we had it
It was laced with irony
Because love will slowly morph
Into a monster that tries to swallow me
And it’s not under the bed
Like they say in the movies
This **** lives in my head
And tries to control me
Like a puppet to its master
I feel strings at my throat
Because my emotions are always faster
Than I can cut the ropes

I’m a hopeless romantic too
In this wicked wild game
Which makes it hard for me to part ways with you
Because I feel this overwhelming shame

Because I’m mostly hopeless
When it comes to love affairs
Let the romantic slip my grip
When I feel like you don’t care

All I want is to know you love me
And to always prove I love you too
Because if you’re my reckless decision
I’ll always continue to choose you

Like a drug
You’re my strange addiction
I’m in constant need of you
A prisoner to loves conviction
Too blind to see the truth
That I’m not that wise
I’m infected by my youth
But I have to survive
And what else can I do?
But fight to stay high
And keep acting aloof

Here’s the proof

I once said ignorance is bliss
Until I learned the hardest lesson
That There’s love in every kiss
You can save the vague confessions
And there it is again
It’s slowly creepin in
The jealousy that takes my words
And slides out from my pen

I suppose thats my fatal flaw
Which adds development to the character
So I should be real evolved
Because I’m full of flaws and failure

Yet I try to give my all
In everything I do
But I always hit a wall
Wandering Far into the blue  
Lost Looking at the stars
To tell me what to do

It’s the only place that ever feels  like home
I Can look up at the sky at night
And not feel so alone
So i wonder if the constellations
Can give me a consolidation
On the humiliation,
of my constant reconciliation
With my own temptation
Think I love living in damnation

I’m never patient

Remember I said emotions rule my world
twisting and turning my thoughts
Watch them twirl
Might give em a whirl
While they swirl
Out of my brain
In the form of rambling words
Maniac is the strain
Roll it up and lick the wrap
Spark it up and smoke that


Expand and deflate
My lungs are irate
Might choke up on the sentiment
And start to suffocate
Cause thoughts can be killers
They’ll cut the brakes too
When your mind is going 100
And there’s nothing you can do
Heading straight into traffic
Your heart will start to race
And you quickly start to panic
Now it’s terror on your face

Hear the glass around you shatter
Feel it digging deep within
Now the thoughts that never mattered
Are carved into your skin

Tear drops turn to Whiskey
They fall so fast these days
Please tell me that you miss me
To help and ease the pain

There's no silver linings
No light at the end of the road
And I've been searching
...all on my own

The trees are losing thier leaves
Much like I am losing my hair
And the grass is growing it's weeds
And I'm seeing things that aren't there

Its these chemicals balanaced in my mind
That prompts me to find
Such sad little beings
Who love and live
As thoughts in my mind

I'm seeing faces in the shadows
Love in darkness
And happiness with the smoke in my lungs

And I'm done

So done with this constant ache
This soreness in my head
This brutal awakening
That I am dead

Not physically so because I still breathe
But inside of me, I bleed

I look in the mirror
And hate what I see
"Well change yourself!"
But that isn't me

And now I'm slumped on the couch
Listening to slow songs
Watching the room spin
Out of control

Wishing these thoughts weren't there

The drain dripped lazily, like rain water, into the icy bath  
Dark circles dress beneath my eyes like storm clouds
The bathroom is black, except for the light shinning in from under the door
I sit submerged in the cold water, skin numb from the biting temperature
Fully clothed
It's 10 am
Monday
July

I have spent all my sadness
Saturated myself in it
Now all is left is the dark, and the loneliness
Each prowling around my mind
Growling

I stare up at the ceiling
No light
Only vague shapes
Creating themselves out of shadows
And tricking my eyes
Soothing my conscience

My heart is racing
My fingers shaking
Both arms are strewn along the sides of the tub
But despite the solidness beneath them
I'm floating
It's 11 am
Monday
July

Time is slipping by
My teeth are chattering
My toes are gone
My lungs hurt
From breathing

My eyes hurt too
I only feel physical pain
I sink lower into the coolness
My chin hit the surface
Then my nose
My eyes
I'm covered

I open my eyes against my bodies better judgement
It hurts them
But they already hurt
I already hurt
I open my mouth
Water breaks in
I scream
They drown
It's 12 pm
Monday
July

My hair drips into the bath water
I'm shaking
My throat hurts
My arms hurt
Still no tears
Where did they go?
It's 1 pm
Monday
July

The waters red
It's finally warm again
But my body is cold
My eyes stare at the ceiling
My lips are turning blue
It's ...
I'm

The flowers were tinged in red
The all mighty has fallen again
A dark ring has fallen around the sun
It grows bigger as each day is done

Shadows linger where we used to be
Our dreams casted out into the sea
And the indigo moon is hoisted up high
As it watches the light in our eyes die

As it watches the leaves fall from trees
A place our hopes used to be
In the branches of the old kings and queens
And the Earth opens up wide to swallow me

My lungs fill with dirt decay
In this soil belly where I lay
I feel the soil sink between my feet
In a place where light and dark will always meet
A  sullen smile as raindrops fall in reverse
And I forget all that I have rehearsed
The role I play has gone off script
Somewhere down the road I had tripped
And now my heart beats but it skips

Hopscotch heartbeats and sunken in eyes
Why did the sun and moon die?
Where are the stars that once shined so bright?
The emptiness is just not right

And now I sleep beneath indigo skies
My eyes shut tight
And now I have indigo dreams
They're full of tangled webs and screams

Sad faced youth
With dreary eyes
And weighted shoulders

Tear stained youth
With a sullen heart
And a million thoughts

Fast paced life
With too many choices
Which is right?
I may never know

****** up night
Her parents are shouting
Echoes linger
Down the hall

Open bottle
The cap is lost and she is chugging
Add some pills
To numb the pain

Open wounds
The pain is crawling
Inside her skin
Because she's insane

Broken heart
Midnight is calling
With sad tales
Of the one with no name

Where does this road go?
She's lost the map again
No one knows
She's lost her name

Open casket
The rain is falling
Blurred out lines
And memories

She was young
And her heart was hurting
From all the thoughts
They Caused her pain

Loneliness is a bitter monster
It sits on the edges of my heart
Pulling at the strings
The musical song echoes in the vacancy

My eyes belong to a lonely girl
Forlorn in her love and lost in her hopes
That maybe one day
Another heart would soothe that ache

Mourning over the sun fall
That bright, wide eye turns away too soon
And she is left empty
With the blind white eye of the dead moon

Tear stains tattoo her skin
And disapproval scars her heart
When will she be good enough
When will she be free

When will darkness stop taking over
When will the lightness win
When will heartache stop
Coming from the people I let in

When will my voice stop being crushed beneathe the sea?
When will the jokes stop pouring in and drowning me?
When will this life be over I'm tired of the fight
When will the dark surrender its sword up to the light?

Break the silence and hear this lonely voice
When did fear start taking over and become my only choice?