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Katlyn Orthman Nov 2020
There is a fear
softly lingering in the dark
waiting patiently
for your acceptance
Katlyn Orthman Oct 2020
I put up curtains
So the sun couldn’t seep in
To hide the fact
That my pain was slowly leakin
Bleeding out
Felt like I had nothin to believe in
Opened up
And got kicked in the teeth when
I only had love
But soon jealousy would sneak in
We tried to front
But our hearts were only seekin
Custody of love in its entirety
And not just on the weekends  

And though we had it
It was laced with irony
Because love will slowly morph
Into a monster that tries to swallow me
And it’s not under the bed
Like they say in the movies
This **** lives in my head
And tries to control me
Like a puppet to its master
I feel strings at my throat
Because my emotions are always faster
Than I can cut the ropes

I’m a hopeless romantic too
In this wicked wild game
Which makes it hard for me to part ways with you
Because I feel this overwhelming shame

Because I’m mostly hopeless
When it comes to love affairs
Let the romantic slip my grip
When I feel like you don’t care

All I want is to know you love me
And to always prove I love you too
Because if you’re my reckless decision
I’ll always continue to choose you

Like a drug
You’re my strange addiction
I’m in constant need of you
A prisoner to loves conviction
Too blind to see the truth
That I’m not that wise
I’m infected by my youth
But I have to survive
And what else can I do?
But fight to stay high
And keep acting aloof

Here’s the proof

I once said ignorance is bliss
Until I learned the hardest lesson
That There’s love in every kiss
You can save the vague confessions
And there it is again
It’s slowly creepin in
The jealousy that takes my words
And slides out from my pen

I suppose thats my fatal flaw
Which adds development to the character
So I should be real evolved
Because I’m full of flaws and failure

Yet I try to give my all
In everything I do
But I always hit a wall
Wandering Far into the blue  
Lost Looking at the stars
To tell me what to do

It’s the only place that ever feels  like home
I Can look up at the sky at night
And not feel so alone
So i wonder if the constellations
Can give me a consolidation
On the humiliation,
of my constant reconciliation
With my own temptation
Think I love living in damnation

I’m never patient

Remember I said emotions rule my world
twisting and turning my thoughts
Watch them twirl
Might give em a whirl
While they swirl
Out of my brain
In the form of rambling words
Maniac is the strain
Roll it up and lick the wrap
Spark it up and smoke that


Expand and deflate
My lungs are irate
Might choke up on the sentiment
And start to suffocate
Cause thoughts can be killers
They’ll cut the brakes too
When your mind is going 100
And there’s nothing you can do
Heading straight into traffic
Your heart will start to race
And you quickly start to panic
Now it’s terror on your face

Hear the glass around you shatter
Feel it digging deep within
Now the thoughts that never mattered
Are carved into your skin

Tear drops turn to Whiskey
They fall so fast these days
Please tell me that you miss me
To help and ease the pain
Katlyn Orthman Jun 2020
Dew drops in the dawn
Cricket choirs overhead
The stars so neatly drawn
Above an earthly kind of bed

The birds will sing softly
As they dip and soar, alive!
Hearts beating like soft wings
Waiting for the sun to arrive

Blinking lights below sunrise
Take breath away, so honestly
I’d never seen fireflies  
Until you pointed them out to me
Blanketed by the tickling fog
Excited by the breeze
Surrounded by the comfort
Of the sweet tranquility of trees

Head back in awe
Gazing at the vast sky
Eyes wide with laughter
Who knows what comes
In twilights after
When you’re not afraid to die

To learn to live in the moments
That are bright like imagery
To hang off every word transpired
By brown eyed chivalry

For once to be distracted
To truly be at peace
I allow myself to be surrounded
By the safety of your trees
  Jun 2020 Katlyn Orthman
tmartin
3AM
i look at the moon and think of you
so distant
the moon could’ve touched you
before i did
Katlyn Orthman Jun 2020
Introspection
Inside inspection
Still spinning
From last nights rejection

Lurching
Illness perching
Mental *******
Why am I still searching?

Alone
Charged stone
Casting spells
I build a spiritual home

Bare
Blank stare
Skin stripped
Are you still there?

Whisper
Word twister
Speak tongues
Static on the radio transmitter

Silence
Internal violence
Ears bleeding
Mind quiet
Katlyn Orthman Jun 2020
I learned to adore you
In all the best ways
The way the sunset in your eyes
Nights spent cherishing your body
Turns into day

Your soul was damaged just like mine
Full of bruises black and blue
Scratched all on the surface
Like a record that sings the blues

I always claimed to be so alone
Eyes made of thunder clouds
But In your presence I was home

Hands pressed against the stained glass
It’s hard to see your face
and I miss that place

Now the streets feel lonely
And rainstorms make me cry
And I don’t see sunsets in the dusk sky
And I hate
When
You cry
Katlyn Orthman Mar 2020
It's like a dark cloud weighing on my conscience
What a cliche thing to say in a world full of dark clouds


For all my transgressions, I beg forgiveness from the eye that sees all.
For when I am called upon by the looker
To be judged for all my doings
I will be forced to look through the face of judgement
And recognize that the truth is sanctioned in the balance of the universe
And the balance is scaled politely on the shoulders of giants
That scoure the Earth in search of gold hearts and diamond tear drops
Leaving behind nothing more than bleak hopes and dreams casted out into the darkness of nothing.
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