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Katlyn Orthman Sep 2012
Oh this curse of imagination, 
Somedays it causes my frustration, 
Bringing me restless nights, 
And these artful sights, 
Please just stop so I can sleep, 
Or I'll be awake tell the suns first peak, 
I love my art and my dedication, 
But not right now in this situation, 
Oh please mind get some rest, 
So tomorrow you can be your best!
Wrote this last night, I could not sleep, until after I wrote it  and then I was out like a broken light bulb
Katlyn Orthman Jan 2013
Black casket
The lid closed
To many scars to cover up
Crisscrossed, up and down
Down her stomach
Across her wrist
Along her ankles
The priest insist
That no eyes will see
What the "devil" has done to me
Fresh tears
Cold fear
Fills the room
All pain
All doom
No meaning to a life so wasted
I left the world before I had tasted
Now nights are cold
On the plains of earth
Because I was thrown from heaven
And rejected from hell
What was worse was that I never fell
Alone in the dark
Because I couldn't stand the pain
I'm locked up in a box with my shame
The screams haunt my brain
This wild beast I could never tame
I climb the walls
Just hope I won't fall
Katlyn Orthman Nov 2018
I wish you guys loved me enough to be here for me.
I'm sorry that I'm not enough for you. I'm sorry I'm not the daughter you wanted.
I'm sorry that I'm not worth a family. I'm sorry that I'm useless and worthless.
I'm sorry that I cant make you guys happy.
I want nothing more than to go back in time and live forever in the moments where I felt like we were all a family.
Because now the only thing i want to do is disappear and stop existing so I dont have to feel so alone.
I want to stop pretending that I'm ok, I want to stop pretending that I dont feel empty and dead on the inside.
I want to stop pretending like I dont feel abandoned and left in the dust.
I want to stop loving you guys because it only tears me into pieces everytime I try and I'm left with nothing but stifiling anxiety that I no longer matter to you guys.
I dont know you guys anymore. And no one cares. That's the part the really kills me. That I sit here and cry until my head feels like exploding because everyone leaves me.
Everyone replaces me. I'm always number 2 and I just want to feel normal. But I cant. Because these ghost haunt me.
In my dreams, in my life, in my love, in my hate.
These ghost have taken every inch of me.
Suffocating me.
Frozen fingers splayed across my neck, they choke me.
Until I cant speak.
Until I'm silenced by the viciousness of which it steals my light.
It brings me to the other side and pulls my hair, punches me, stabs me.
Until I bleed.
But only for a minute and then I wake up, drenched in sweat.
Promising myself that I will never feel again.
I wish so intensely that my bones quiver.
I wish so much that my luck is gone. Just wishing that I could be apart of you again.
That I could come from somewhere. But I was born alone.
Born to ghost that dance at night. Unseen but heard as chilling noises in the night.
Untouched but felt as cold breath across your back.
I was born to ghosts and secrets that cage me.
A ghost is a wish.
And I wish I could exist.
Katlyn Orthman Aug 2012
Oh how they have torn me,
They have burned the bridges to my heart,
And yet I keep my head high,
Even if inside its my heart that dies,
They ask me to trust,
They ask me to open,
But how do I manage after the many times,
I have been broken,
Holding on to the fact that I must live,
There are to many that need me,
I cannot allow my pain to selfishly,
Take over me,
So this graveyard that is my heart,
Must rest,
And I will get up from the sodden ground,
I have been sitting in,
It's my time to straighten my shoulders,
And move on,
Maybe then my heart will rise,
From the graveyard,
And beat again
Katlyn Orthman Jul 2015
Blinding me
Coming towards me
Now I can't see
I am not afraid anymore
To look death in it's eyes
My arms are outstretched wide
I see a light
Coming towards me
Blinding me
Katlyn Orthman Nov 2013
"Why are we here?" he asks me with a certain innocence resonating in his voice.
"I think we're here for something, we all have something we were meant to do," I say in a voice of certainty although the emotion doesn't reach my heart.
"What do you think you were meant to do?" he asks staring up at the pale sky with his hands shoved deep in his pockets, with a thoughtful expression on his face.
"I don't think I'm meant for anything, I was a mistake, someone must've really messed up," I say laughing dryly.
"I think you're wrong. You're a lot more special than you think. You should give yourself more credit, at least you're still here breathing."
Katlyn Orthman Sep 2012
In this torrid darkness
I cannot find my way
I've gone so far, I can't get out
Look what I've done to them
Look what I've done to myself
I've made a mess
And a fool of myself
Katlyn Orthman Jan 2013
Lying on this earth bed
The cold sky looking down
Thin air filing my head
No sound to be found

Broken smiles, broken hearts
Filing my thoughts
I was simply torn apart
And this was all for naught

My place of peace
Surronded by the quiet  
Surronded by trees
To clear my head for tomorrow's riot

The skies spinning around
But I the tears still fall
I stay planted on the ground
As the sadness calls

Tomorrow a smile will be back in place
But for now I can soar through space
Katlyn Orthman Feb 2014
I found out something funny about the world today,
when your life is going good
something tends to stain it grey

It seems like when your tears finally dry,
tricks are pulled to break you down
and make you cry

Whether it's a nightmare that brings every hidden scar to the surface,
or the departure of a close friend
it breaks through my inner barriers
so I can't pretend

I watch everyone else's pain
and take it in like my own,
I think misery
has become my new home

And every time I lose faith
in myself
in my family
in the human race

I find it that much harder to pick myself up,
wonder why I even care
so much

I take the good things
and make them bad
I take a happy moment
and twist them sad

I just wish there was a place for peace
where I was alone
Somewhere that actually
felt like a home

A place where it didn't hurt like this
a place where ignorance
truly is bliss.
Katlyn Orthman Feb 2013
The stars have finally spoken
My heart is on the mend
My soul no longer broken
As you gave your hand to lend

This swirling in my heart
As you hold me in your arms
This feeling of a fresh start
Knowing you will keep me from harm

The way you make me feel
And the smile that you leave
It's almost too good to be real
So good it's hard to believe

I never thought this would happen
It never occurred to me
But I'm so glad it did
With you I feel so free

You never try to change me
I never try to change you
It makes me so happy
And I know I make you happy too

Tonight I'm thanking the stars
For replying to my prayers
Tonight I know who we are
And I can give my heart to share
Katlyn Orthman Jan 2013
A small patch of the world
Where my imagination swirls
And on Fridays belongs to me
It's not a tall mountain, or the sea
But a room stacked high with everything
That I really need
Or maybe it's full with one thing
That means so much to me
A piano, and a microphone
Where I can sing all alone
And clean my heart when it is full
So I can think, so I may fill the hole
Katlyn Orthman Aug 2014
Go to school
Education is the key
It will give you
All that you need

Get a job
The money is worth it
It will buy all you want
As long as you don't spend it

When do we sleep?
Where is my life
Why do I weep?

They say cash is the prize
Work is the goal
But if these ambitions keep digging in
My heart won't be a whole

Work to the grave
Because really I'm just a slave
Katlyn Orthman Sep 2012
I will sing for you, only you
I will wrap you in each melodic note
I will warm your soul with my hushed promises
I will right the wrongs with an octave so smooth
I will make you mine with these words
That slip from between my lips
I will illuminate  your heart with each word of my love
Undying ,
never to be broken
Sing with me ,
I have no fear
The song comes freely,
of whatever I feel
Meet me halfway ,
with your words laced with lust and love,
a dangerous combination,
but so much fun
A laugh that's true ,
another part of this song
Symphony of love,
echoing between me and you
Katlyn Orthman Jun 2018
I'm sorry
For all the hate
All the anger
The confusion

I'm lost
Not very sure
Trying to keep up

Something new
Is around every corner
Sometimes sweet

It tests me
Test my love
My faith in myself

Its shaking me
Stirring me

But I still love
I forgive
I'll try again

So should you
I believe
I care

You can do it
The dream
Lives in our veins
Katlyn Orthman Nov 2012
My heart trembles
As I stand above the air
No words to describe the impossible
The sun in my reach
The moon lays hidden
But I can feel it
A wingless bird
Flying higher than the rest
My dreams in pursuit
So close to my fingertips
So tangible
I'm breathing in the possible
That line that had been drawn
Was being crossed
All my hope regained
That had been lost
Encircled in the clouds
Smelled of opportunity
Katlyn Orthman Mar 2013
A soft flutter in the top of the trees
Beauty as the flowers are swarm by bees
Counting the cracks on the crooked ground
Dodging the birds as I spin around
Every sound slowly comes alive
Frantically the squirrels dig up nuts they use to survive
Gorgeous patches of fine green grass
Hastily jumping to avoid the broken glass
I take in the smell of the spring
Just listening to the birds sing
Kind eyes from passing friends
Loving embraces you never want to end
Meeting the soft sunrays with a warm  smile
Never closing my eyes, just watching the sun a while
Over the hill I quietly lay
Patiently waiting for the vanishing sunrays
Quiter the world seems to fall
Resting their heads in the treetops so tall
Slowly the sun sinks lower
Towering for a minute the sun grows slower
Until it fades into dark blue skies
Vanishing before my green watching eyes
When the last glimpse of the golden globe disappears
X-rays of the stars fall leering
Zenith well passed in the open grass of the clearing
Katlyn Orthman Feb 2013
The thrill, the ride, the joy of the scare
The flash, the tide
The heat of being there

The love in which you never did fall
The smiles, the laughs,
The act too fool us all

The silence, the awkward between the two
The wave, the goodbye
As bordem does as its supposed to

The anger the clash, the need to always fight
The hate, the fear
The straying from the light

The names, the fingers pointed across the hall
The blood, the stain
As you watch the world fall down
I was bored and so I came up with this, not very good though
Katlyn Orthman Oct 2012
Stary skies
On painted nights
Hearty ties
With scripted fights
Fake, it's just a scene
This actor's world
Can become mean
When you wish to lean your head
On one's shoulder
But you stay at home instead
And the stress makes you look a bit older
And you rather go to bed

Why does it have to be hard?
Why do we cry?
Why do we dream so far?
When are dreams just crash from up high

Director yells cut
And you shrink inside
And you wonder what,
You didn't hide
There no room for your stress
Keep your eyes to the script
It's what director thinks best
Your opinion is skipped

Why does it have to be hard?
Why do we cry?
Why do we dream so far?
When dreams just crash from up high
Katlyn Orthman Apr 2013
I think I'm addicted to you
I think I'm in love with you
So deep I'm drowning in it
But I don't mind...
Katlyn Orthman Oct 2012
Eyes of blue oceans
Hair of blonde silk
She fell because she was broken
She couldn't make up her mind
And she was running out of time
The pressure on her shoulders
Pushed her through that hole
It was An escape from her reality
To another
The rabbit chased the wind
While she shouted to him
She was lost in a world that
Couldn't be real
But her fingertips defied
Solid and warm
The trees bark seemed to breath
Everything there was alive
In the corner of her eye little eyes look
At her curiosity, yet unease
Is she the one?
Little voice squeaks
Be quite she'll hear you!
Another one
What could this strange place be
The trees were taller than any
The grass and flowers , many
The small rivers and streams all around her
Could this be a dream?
A voice echoes , like it's lost in a cave
But suddenly her body hurts
A scream from her lungs
And suddenly she's flung
And the pursuer yells,
"off with her head !"
I wrote thus thinking about how when life throws you surprises they can seem so awesome and beautiful at first until everything goes wrong, not always the case but most the time , I guess it depends on the persons luck
Katlyn Orthman Dec 2012
Alone the room spun
The days war had been won
And though I wished to shed my tears
A princess may never show proof of her fears

Many times I've blundered
Beneath storms thunder
But I'd give my life to the kingdom
To regain their freedom

My arms tied, I'd given up love
My eyes closed, I gave my heart a shove
But a trickster popped in
And gave my world a spin

It was a triangle of death, the valley of hell
Because to which one I loved I couldn't tell
My heart belonged in the hands of a friend
We'd soon be wed, though our love was pretend

The queen would soon lose her throne
And I'd remain , all alone
With a crown to rule upon my head
My mother... Would be dead

Her powers killed her slowly she was thirty nine
Lucky that wouldn't happen with mine
Scolded by the glares of my kin
I wondered when the peace would begin
I wrote this poem after reading two books in a series the first called switched and the second called torn by Amanda Hocking, I love this series so far and I can't wait to read the third book, I definitely recommend the series
Katlyn Orthman Dec 2012
The altar was a blurred vision
She wept
With every step
The room was bare
No one was there
Alone she walked slowly to the front
Where she invisioned her fiancé
The one she would vow her heart to
There was dust on the stairs as she stepped up
Bowing her head her vail was in place
She shook with pain
Her fiancé at war had been slain
She fell to her knees , shattered like glass thrown to the ground
The room spun around
Her world was crashing down
Her belly full with child
She was alone
No mother to guide her steady
No father to help her ready
Not a brother not a sister
Only faded memories of a family that was never hers
Only a gust of her unpledged husbands remains
She remembers how she had begged him to stay
And he only laughed telling her he would be okay
She wanted to scream
She wanted to cry
But she wouldn't die
For the child's sake
Katlyn Orthman Mar 2013
I want to love you
But I can't
Your my best friend
And though we call ourselves
Boyfriend, and Girlfriend
I don't feel it
I love you
But I'm not in love with you
It was out of angry emotion
I acted rash
I should've known
I'd be the one to crash
But when I see her
My heart beats
Inside I feel complete
Yet she's out of my reach
And I've pledged myself to you both
But it's time I say goodbye
I don't know why
But I can't be in love with you
And I cry
Because I try
Because I feel so wrong
Like a bad ending to a song
I don't know how to say goodbye
I don't know how to give up
I've been a failure all my life
But this seems to leave me torn
My depression leaves me worn
I haven't slept in three days
I've been thinking
Of you
And how I wish you'd leave
It's easier that way
If you don't stay
I should be alone
Like always
Always alone
Katlyn Orthman Jan 2014
This is just another fight
we refuse to back down from,
another stain of blood
on the ground before our feet.

This is just another war
we won't give up
another ******* contest
of whose the best.

This is just another scar
slashed across flesh
or embedded in our minds
no one can see them but they're there.

This is just another tear
we refuse to let fall
because we're too proud
to look so weak.

This is just another disappointment
that builds in the corner
where there lies all the
forgotten promises.

This is just another example
of the world we live in
where hate comes more often
than love.
Katlyn Orthman Jan 2015
The sun blazed down angrily that afternoon,
Sweat tracing a path down the backs of the hunched inmates
A moment of rest that felt so sweet but was over too soon
"Back to work!" spit spewing from between the guards thin lips

It had been 17 days since inmate 33421 had seen her face
The beauty with the dark strands of silk spilling down her back
And cerulean eyes that held such innocence
An innocence that had no business settling it's gaze on this brutish hell

But 17 days was an eternity here
And no doubt that pure soul was gone
No doubt the blood that seeped from overworked hands,
and the hunger that stained those empty mouths
and dressed their bodies in bones and sheets of flesh
and the anger and desperation that drove a person to the barest instincts,
had robbed that beauty of her innocence.

No, innocence would never last in a place like this.
Angels were not meant to live among demons
And that was what they had all become.

They who shut their bulging eyes in exhaustion
Slip away into a restless sleep
Fall asleep to the hopes of never opening their eyes again
Only to awaken in the morning to the soul clenching gut pains
and the agony that settled itself deep in their bones making a permanent home.

Others fell asleep hollow
And awoke the same way
Hollow with no dreams, or thoughts,
Only the mechanical need to do.

To keep on living
Although inside they're truly deceased
But the human brain is wired to live
To survive

Ah, no there was no way the beautiful soul 33421 had seen
Could still look upon the light of day and smile at the sun
Not when the sun cursed them as strongly as the men that stalked
back and forth behind the gates hated them.
Not while they all became the monsters
They were accused of being.
Katlyn Orthman Dec 2013
The fog clears,
and you're standing there.
Wings spread out around you,
in your angelic beauty.

Your black hair is like oil in water,
against the ****** white of your wings.
They hover in the cool air above,
and your eyes, electric blue, pierce my own.

Never in my life had I felt so safe,
and yet know I was in terrible danger as well.
Danger of walking grounds
I had long ago taped shut with caution.

You were made up of every fantasy that lie beneath,
and yet I could feel that you were every fear as well.
The only question in my mind is,
are you my angel from heaven or from hell?
Katlyn Orthman Sep 2012
Angels are crying
as i stand on the edge of this bridge
i pray that i have the guts
maybe i shouldnt
but what am i living for?
nobodys there
nobody will stop me
but still my heart sputters
a beat that doesnt sound right
but i hurt so much
everydays a struggle
i fight back the suffering
choke back my cries
i look in the mirror
a face undeserving of
trying to hold myself together
trying to hold them together to
wish i could cut these suffocating strings
wrapped around me
binding me
chaining me
wish i could spill everything im feeling
but the words dont exist
i wish i could take this all away
but theres no way
i can only silence them for a minute
as i stand looking down at the swishing swirling
water below me
maybe it would be fast
maybe it would last
Katlyn Orthman Aug 2012
Boiling Deep inside me, 
My rage turning and twisting me at its will, 
Her words sting me, 
She scolds me for who I am, 
She can't accept me, 
My rage slows down,
The burn simmers and I realize I'm hurt, my eyes fill with betraying tears, 
Why am I never good enough? 
Why must I work so hard everyday to impress her? 
Doesn't she understand I feel pain just like her? 
Does she not understand that a piece of me breaks away from myself everytime she criticizes me? 
But I won't ever tell her this, I keep my thoughts to myself shes all that I  have left, 
So I lift my sweatshirt hood and hide the dying girl, 
I put my headphones in and drowned out her jabs, 
Swallow away the lump in my throat and remind myself four more years and I can be free of this suffocating  net, 
But I still love her, and she tries to love me,
Katlyn Orthman Jan 2013
Sitting in my room
Blue walls facing white
I listened to a tune
To deafen out their fight
A mother and a daughter
No longer see eye to eye
Her mothers cries don't stop her
As she spouts out more lies
I wish that I could stop this
But I am powerless right now
I wish that I could fix this
But I really don't know how
I listen to the lyrics
He sings about his wife
About death and how he fears it
Since his wife took her own life
So sad this world has felt all this pain
And we simply feel a small part
But we burry deep all our shame
And we throw away all the bad into the earths heart
So quietly I'll swallow it down
Not so fast
Because I don't wont to drowned
Beneath this devouring past
Katlyn Orthman Dec 2012
The sound of my heart erupting
And pooling around my feet
The sound of my heart breaking
And me dying a little more
Am I a monster?
Katlyn Orthman Dec 2012
Ashes falling from the sky
Fight we do, our soldiers die
Their families hurt and cry
Release they're souls and let them fly

Damnation settles on us
We cannot fight we will not fuss
We are forbade to endulge in lust
we always seem to lose our trust

We stand and pledge to a flag
But the words repeated seem to drag
Unwillingly my heart sags
Death and I playing tag

In the end I had to fall
I fell to save them all
The jump was high, so tall
The angles sang I heard them call

Cages built of bones
House built of stone
In the firey world I was alone
All my sins , I'd been condone

But death wasn't scary
Katlyn Orthman Jul 2015
Landfill of broken integrity
Trapped beneath the weight of the world
Slowly drowning under the uncertainty
Of this path I was hurled

Shuddering with the stench of death in my nose
These forgotten nightmares are churning in my head
I'm lying in a place where everyone goes
Once they are dead

The skies no longer gleam with little lanterns lighting the way
The streets are bare and desolate that ring with no sound
The trees are fossils of life that once swayed
Along with the wind that was once so profound

The world is but a corpse rotting away
Once filled with bright eyes
Is now forgotten while its flesh decays
Just another world to die
Katlyn Orthman Jul 2014
I wish I had the words to explain myself,
if I did everything about me would be easy to understand.
But my explanations don't have words because there is no meaning.

Katlyn Orthman Sep 2012
Even though I'm hopeless
I try to keep on
But then everywhere I look
Tragedy strikes
Kills me a little more
I'm fighting not to cry
I'm fighting to look strong
But truth is I've died
I'm numb
Struggle to breath
I just need to cry
I need to let out this knocking pain
It's like an ocean
Drownding me
In my sorrows
Im alone with my misery
Take my hand
Bring me to the afterlife
It might be nice
I can breath in fresh air
Without their cryptic stare
I will be at rest
At peace
Katlyn Orthman Nov 2014
Iridescent eyes
Tsunami's crash inside
Is your heart breaking?
Like the sad story playing in those orbs?

Winter cold heart
Your love tore me apart
Like an Earthquake beneath my feet
You sent me falling through the cracks

Love destroyed us
Like a hurricane, it floored us
Stole my breath and left me gasping
It was your hand I was grasping

Down at the bottom
That's where I found them
Those whose hearts were broken like mine
And were left to drown, and die
Katlyn Orthman Jun 2013
I lay in the shadows once again
Where I laid before when
My heart was cloaked in darkness,
which it had shed
Until the darkness crept in again
No such love for someone like me
Someone so foolish who refuses to see
That alone is where I will be
Cloaked in my black robe
Knitted with the tears I shed for a damaged heart
One so shattered and torn apart
It beats nevermore
Thump thump thump a distant echo
In my memory
Now is ringing with silence
And to believe I was saved
Oh a fool I can be
To think any god would waste time with me
Katlyn Orthman Oct 2014
The rain beats against the blemished glass of my window
Leaves lay brown and crumpled on the ground
A frozen memory of a yesterday's sorrow
Tell me, what is that terrifying sound?

The one that repeats inside of this tormented head
The one that pounds and screams to be let out
The one that tucks me in inside my bed
It fills my soul, my heart. my bones, my doubt.

I feel it aching like age in these worn out muscles
I feel it weighing my shoulders down
I feel it like flames of some vengeance seeking fire
I feel it as I watch Autumn make it's rounds

This seasonal pain is breaking my heart
I'm like Fall as I fall apart
Katlyn Orthman Nov 2012
Away with this anger
It serves no purpose
Away with all the catagories
We put each other in
Let's treat each other right
Because we all deserve a chance
To look into the mirror
And feel alright
Away with all the criticism
That we through at each other
For the way we feel
The things that are real
In our lives
Away with all the war
Our fields have drank enough
Blood soaked
Pain drenched
Tainted and stained
Away with all the arguments
They only lead us to unimportant things
Where we push and we shove
And we all fall down
Away with all the assumptions
She belongs with him
And he belongs with her
Everyone deserves to love
Everyone deserves their rights to love
No matter who the loved one is
Away with all the pain
Away with the strains
We live through
Katlyn Orthman Mar 2015
Remains of lost hopes and dreams
Sleeping in this endless stream
Ubiquitous the sound of screams
A place they were last seen

Maybe they're the captured last moments
Before the lights inside went out
A last resonating shout
That never ceased it's breathing

It comes alive in the dark
When the shadows tag along
And the stars whistle
To an unrepentant song

Background noise fills my mind
It seems my memory has closed the blinds
On the thrill of reality
And chosen a new mentality
Katlyn Orthman Sep 2012
It's here and now
Not then
I'm ready to face my fears
I've been avoiding for years
I'm ready to get up
Tower over them
Eyes shining so immensely
Armor around me
I feel strong
I feel like the warrior
Of the amazon
That I am
Sword raised
A battle Cry at my tounge
Charging into the abyss
Of this battle
I fight do fericly  
No one will knock me down
My blood will not spill
Upon the ground
I am to high
Wings spread with the grace and beauty
Of a queen
Tall with pride
Armed by confidence
Ive never felt this before
This is new
But my stride doesnt falter
I am ready to do this
Prove myself to myself
These shadows comfort
Is not needed
I am ready
Katlyn Orthman Apr 2013
Warm water around my ankles
I watch the waves sink in then slither away
I watch the moon rise before the day
Watching the stars rip their way into the sky
These battle scars, I wait for them to fade
While watching the moon rise and the sun set
Yet the scars only stay
I wish I could stop for how much it hurts
How much shame weighs on me
How disgusted I feel
Like I let you all down
Like I let myself down
Like I'm never going to change
Like they might never fade away
Like I lost this fight
These are the times I wish
*I could fade into the night
Katlyn Orthman Jan 2013
We all have our demons
We all have our flaws
We hide them so no one will see them
We all have our smiles
We all have our frowns
We all cry when no ones around
We all have our bruises
We all have out cuts
All of us, yes all of us fall down
But this all makes us human
This makes us real
Because to be alive
You have to feel
And sometimes it hurts
And we will bleed
But it's a part of life that we all need
To send in our minds
Our epiphany
And steer us to a new way
Every last single one of us
Are unique
We are all beautiful
Even if we don't know exactly who we are
Katlyn Orthman Apr 2013
There in your eyes
There was a beauty so divine
There was no explanation to why,
Your gorgeous eyes would shine
So bright like nothing I've seen before
And it outlined your soft face
That contributes to your beauty's soft allure
It has me spinning off into space
The way you lay by my side
And whisper in my ear
The way you duck behind your hands to hide
And say every word I long to hear
This, what I'm feeling, is a love without bounds
So pure and bright
Something rarely found
Laying plain in my sight
Inside I fall into blackness
Eyes shut I breathe
Overwhelming suffering
Inside I seethe

I cannot escape my mind
It's a prison I build
Undeniable agony
The cup is over filled
It has spilled
Can I rewind?

Help me please
My eyes they bleed
From all the tears I cry
Katlyn Orthman May 2013
Those eyes
Full of despair
The way she felt
It wasn't fair

So full of pain
She was drenched
It falls with the rain
So drenched

So bitter with the taste of fear
Sitting in her mouth, just sitting
With the taste of tears
Spitting it out, spitting

Abandoned left all alone
Neglected her heart left at home
Without anyone around
It lay broken and beaten into the ground

Black eye and bruised face
Her wings broken in last place
Smiling still she was dying
Falling broken her children crying

Until she opens her eyes
Someone new in her place
The years she spent dying
That person left with no trace

She was dead
After the years she bled
The goodness of her left shed
Left a broken soldier instead
Katlyn Orthman Jun 2018
I battle
My voice is weak
While SHE has been loud

Talking constantly
To bring me down
Speaking in tongues
That bring black clouds

My heart has beat
With bullet holes
Gushing inklings
Of doubt

Into my body
It took over me
Stole who I was
supposed to be

Took years off my life
In the form of
Smoke and knives

And now I talk back
At the one who
Brings me down

Now I scream back
Her voice
I drown

I'm me again
No one else is

I'm free again
These feet on
Solid ground
Katlyn Orthman Mar 2013
The skies are dark
And my heart is sad
My screams echo
And only make the neighbors mad
My tears mean nothing
The never did
Slowly they unravel
My feeling I hid
I am bare
Before the crowd
This pain won't cease
And the roars are loud
I'm falling faster
Than I have before
I pray you save me
Before they seal the doors
Can you hear me?
I'm screaming loud
Can you hear me?
Above the crowd?
Please I lay here
Unshakle me
I'm dying slowly
As you watch me bleed
I'm not a monster
Though I feel I am
Because any things better
Than being human
Katlyn Orthman Dec 2012
I am not the same
No, even though my name

I still look alike
But I changed

My eyes are a bit trusting
My heart I've been dusting
And maybe ill open my arms

Am I the same child?
Oh no I'm no child
Not anymore

I've walked a long road
Did most of what I was told
And stood out so bold

Took flight in the sky
This love ill try
Please... Don't hurt me

Could I just be damaged ?
Could I be savaged ?
All these years I've managed
To salvage the day

Ill pick up the ruins
Tour the tombs
And leave knowing
My hearts in place
Katlyn Orthman Oct 2014
My love for you is the fabric of my soul
Our promises the stitches holding it together
Beneath the full moon, washed in it's blue light
My heart beating in my chest

This love is the kind that seeps into your bones
Walks among this Earth, and smiles at the sky
Your eyes of the deepest blue
Your hair, silk strands of midnight captured me at once

The night is chilled
The fine hairs on my body raised by it's touch
The leaves brush against each other
Footsteps, a soft pitter pat in the distance
Fingers clenched tightly around the thorny stem of the rose you left waiting
The pinch settles my erratic heart as I wait for you

And there I see you, high on the hill top
The familiarity rushes through my veins
Like a shot of Home to calm the nerves
Beneath the full moon you stood there
Waiting for me too.
Katlyn Orthman Nov 2012
I come home to get away from the hate
Get slapped for being two minutes late
Look for the mother I used to know,
When had I become so slow?
She doesn't love me
She hates me
With the rest of the world
The people who claim
To love me the same
All lies!
You don't love me!
You only use me
Because I'm the only one left
Because she left
You rather it was her in the picture frame
You wish you could be saying her name
Yeah I guess I'm better off dead
No one would miss me anyway
It would just be another day
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