I wish you guys loved me enough to be here for me.
I'm sorry that I'm not enough for you. I'm sorry I'm not the daughter you wanted.
I'm sorry that I'm not worth a family. I'm sorry that I'm useless and worthless.
I'm sorry that I cant make you guys happy.
I want nothing more than to go back in time and live forever in the moments where I felt like we were all a family.
Because now the only thing i want to do is disappear and stop existing so I dont have to feel so alone.
I want to stop pretending that I'm ok, I want to stop pretending that I dont feel empty and dead on the inside.
I want to stop pretending like I dont feel abandoned and left in the dust.
I want to stop loving you guys because it only tears me into pieces everytime I try and I'm left with nothing but stifiling anxiety that I no longer matter to you guys.
I dont know you guys anymore. And no one cares. That's the part the really kills me. That I sit here and cry until my head feels like exploding because everyone leaves me.
Everyone replaces me. I'm always number 2 and I just want to feel normal. But I cant. Because these ghost haunt me.
In my dreams, in my life, in my love, in my hate.
These ghost have taken every inch of me.
Suffocating me.
Frozen fingers splayed across my neck, they choke me.
Until I cant speak.
Until I'm silenced by the viciousness of which it steals my light.
It brings me to the other side and pulls my hair, punches me, stabs me.
Until I bleed.
But only for a minute and then I wake up, drenched in sweat.
Promising myself that I will never feel again.
I wish so intensely that my bones quiver.
I wish so much that my luck is gone. Just wishing that I could be apart of you again.
That I could come from somewhere. But I was born alone.
Born to ghost that dance at night. Unseen but heard as chilling noises in the night.
Untouched but felt as cold breath across your back.
I was born to ghosts and secrets that cage me.
A ghost is a wish.
And I wish I could exist.

Oh how they have torn me,
They have burned the bridges to my heart,
And yet I keep my head high,
Even if inside its my heart that dies,
They ask me to trust,
They ask me to open,
But how do I manage after the many times,
I have been broken,
Holding on to the fact that I must live,
There are to many that need me,
I cannot allow my pain to selfishly,
Take over me,
So this graveyard that is my heart,
Must rest,
And I will get up from the sodden ground,
I have been sitting in,
It's my time to straighten my shoulders,
And move on,
Maybe then my heart will rise,
From the graveyard,
And beat again

Eyes of blue oceans
Hair of blonde silk
She fell because she was broken
She couldn't make up her mind
And she was running out of time
The pressure on her shoulders
Pushed her through that hole
It was An escape from her reality
To another
The rabbit chased the wind
While she shouted to him
She was lost in a world that
Couldn't be real
But her fingertips defied
Solid and warm
The trees bark seemed to breath
Everything there was alive
In the corner of her eye little eyes look
At her curiosity, yet unease
Is she the one?
Little voice squeaks
Be quite she'll hear you!
Another one
What could this strange place be
The trees were taller than any
The grass and flowers , many
The small rivers and streams all around her
Could this be a dream?
A voice echoes , like it's lost in a cave
But suddenly her body hurts
A scream from her lungs
And suddenly she's flung
And the pursuer yells,
"off with her head !"

Headlights
Blinding me
Coming towards me
Now I can't see
I am not afraid anymore
To look death in it's eyes
My arms are outstretched wide
I see a light
Coming towards me
Blinding me
Headlights

"Why are we here?" he asks me with a certain innocence resonating in his voice.
"I think we're here for something, we all have something we were meant to do," I say in a voice of certainty although the emotion doesn't reach my heart.
"What do you think you were meant to do?" he asks staring up at the pale sky with his hands shoved deep in his pockets, with a thoughtful expression on his face.
"I don't think I'm meant for anything, I was a mistake, someone must've really messed up," I say laughing dryly.
"I think you're wrong. You're a lot more special than you think. You should give yourself more credit, at least you're still here breathing."

I want to love you
But I can't
Your my best friend
And though we call ourselves
Boyfriend, and Girlfriend
I don't feel it
I love you
But I'm not in love with you
It was out of angry emotion
I acted rash
I should've known
I'd be the one to crash
But when I see her
My heart beats
Inside I feel complete
Yet she's out of my reach
And I've pledged myself to you both
But it's time I say goodbye
I don't know why
But I can't be in love with you
And I cry
Because I try
Because I feel so wrong
Like a bad ending to a song
I don't know how to say goodbye
I don't know how to give up
I've been a failure all my life
But this seems to leave me torn
My depression leaves me worn
I haven't slept in three days
I've been thinking
Of you
And how I wish you'd leave
It's easier that way
If you don't stay
I should be alone
Like always
Always alone

In this torrid darkness
I cannot find my way
I've gone so far, I can't get out
Look what I've done to them
Look what I've done to myself
I've made a mess
And a fool of myself

This is just another fight
we refuse to back down from,
another stain of blood
on the ground before our feet.

This is just another war
we won't give up
another ******* contest
of whose the best.

This is just another scar
slashed across flesh
or embedded in our minds
no one can see them but they're there.

This is just another tear
we refuse to let fall
because we're too proud
to look so weak.

This is just another disappointment
that builds in the corner
where there lies all the
forgotten promises.

This is just another example
of the world we live in
where hate comes more often
than love.

The sun blazed down angrily that afternoon,
Sweat tracing a path down the backs of the hunched inmates
A moment of rest that felt so sweet but was over too soon
"Back to work!" spit spewing from between the guards thin lips

It had been 17 days since inmate 33421 had seen her face
The beauty with the dark strands of silk spilling down her back
And cerulean eyes that held such innocence
An innocence that had no business settling it's gaze on this brutish hell

But 17 days was an eternity here
And no doubt that pure soul was gone
No doubt the blood that seeped from overworked hands,
and the hunger that stained those empty mouths
and dressed their bodies in bones and sheets of flesh
and the anger and desperation that drove a person to the barest instincts,
had robbed that beauty of her innocence.

No, innocence would never last in a place like this.
Angels were not meant to live among demons
And that was what they had all become.

They who shut their bulging eyes in exhaustion
Slip away into a restless sleep
Fall asleep to the hopes of never opening their eyes again
Only to awaken in the morning to the soul clenching gut pains
and the agony that settled itself deep in their bones making a permanent home.

Others fell asleep hollow
And awoke the same way
Hollow with no dreams, or thoughts,
Only the mechanical need to do.

To keep on living
Although inside they're truly deceased
But the human brain is wired to live
To survive

Ah, no there was no way the beautiful soul 33421 had seen
Could still look upon the light of day and smile at the sun
Not when the sun cursed them as strongly as the men that stalked
back and forth behind the gates hated them.
Not while they all became the monsters
They were accused of being.

The fog clears,
and you're standing there.
Wings spread out around you,
in your angelic beauty.

Your black hair is like oil in water,
against the ****** white of your wings.
They hover in the cool air above,
and your eyes, electric blue, pierce my own.

Never in my life had I felt so safe,
and yet know I was in terrible danger as well.
Danger of walking grounds
I had long ago taped shut with caution.

You were made up of every fantasy that lie beneath,
and yet I could feel that you were every fear as well.
The only question in my mind is,
are you my angel from heaven or from hell?

Boiling Deep inside me, 
My rage turning and twisting me at its will, 
Her words sting me, 
She scolds me for who I am, 
She can't accept me, 
My rage slows down,
The burn simmers and I realize I'm hurt, my eyes fill with betraying tears, 
Why am I never good enough? 
Why must I work so hard everyday to impress her? 
Doesn't she understand I feel pain just like her? 
Does she not understand that a piece of me breaks away from myself everytime she criticizes me? 
But I won't ever tell her this, I keep my thoughts to myself shes all that I  have left, 
So I lift my sweatshirt hood and hide the dying girl, 
I put my headphones in and drowned out her jabs, 
Swallow away the lump in my throat and remind myself four more years and I can be free of this suffocating  net, 
But I still love her, and she tries to love me,

Lying on this earth bed
The cold sky looking down
Thin air filing my head
No sound to be found

Broken smiles, broken hearts
Filing my thoughts
I was simply torn apart
And this was all for naught

My place of peace
Surronded by the quiet  
Surronded by trees
To clear my head for tomorrow's riot

The skies spinning around
But I the tears still fall
I stay planted on the ground
As the sadness calls

Tomorrow a smile will be back in place
But for now I can soar through space

I found out something funny about the world today,
when your life is going good
something tends to stain it grey

It seems like when your tears finally dry,
tricks are pulled to break you down
and make you cry

Whether it's a nightmare that brings every hidden scar to the surface,
or the departure of a close friend
it breaks through my inner barriers
so I can't pretend

I watch everyone else's pain
and take it in like my own,
I think misery
has become my new home

And every time I lose faith
in myself
in my family
in the human race

I find it that much harder to pick myself up,
wonder why I even care
so much

I take the good things
and make them bad
I take a happy moment
and twist them sad

I just wish there was a place for peace
where I was alone
Somewhere that actually
felt like a home

A place where it didn't hurt like this
a place where ignorance
truly is bliss.

Ashes falling from the sky
Fight we do, our soldiers die
Their families hurt and cry
Release they're souls and let them fly

Damnation settles on us
We cannot fight we will not fuss
We are forbade to endulge in lust
we always seem to lose our trust

We stand and pledge to a flag
But the words repeated seem to drag
Unwillingly my heart sags
Death and I playing tag

In the end I had to fall
I fell to save them all
The jump was high, so tall
The angles sang I heard them call

Cages built of bones
House built of stone
In the firey world I was alone
All my sins , I'd been condone

But death wasn't scary
                             Anymore

Landfill of broken integrity
Trapped beneath the weight of the world
Slowly drowning under the uncertainty
Of this path I was hurled
onto

Shuddering with the stench of death in my nose
These forgotten nightmares are churning in my head
I'm lying in a place where everyone goes
Once they are dead

The skies no longer gleam with little lanterns lighting the way
The streets are bare and desolate that ring with no sound
The trees are fossils of life that once swayed
Along with the wind that was once so profound

The world is but a corpse rotting away
Once filled with bright eyes
Is now forgotten while its flesh decays
Just another world to die

Go to school
Education is the key
It will give you
All that you need

Get a job
The money is worth it
It will buy all you want
As long as you don't spend it

Work
Learn
Work
Learn
When do we sleep?
Where is my life
Why do I weep?

They say cash is the prize
Work is the goal
But if these ambitions keep digging in
My heart won't be a whole

Work to the grave
Because really I'm just a slave

Subtle breeze
Blowing trees
As we lay here
Eyes turned up

Broken hearts
Fall apart
As we lay here
Hands locked together

Energy electrifies
Breathing intensifies
As we lay here
Lips trace each other

Needing you
Needing me
As we lay here
One together

Moving bodies
Shattered hobbies
As we are here
Forever

Torment me
Torment you
As we lay here
No longer one

All alone
Next to me
You disappear
With the breeze
Into the trees

I'm sorry
For all the hate
All the anger
The confusion

I'm lost
Not very sure
Trying to keep up

Something new
Is around every corner
Threatening
Sometimes sweet

It tests me
Test my love
My faith in myself

Its shaking me
Stirring me
STAND UP

But I still love
I forgive
I'll try again

So should you
I believe
I care

You can do it
The dream
Lives in our veins

Iridescent eyes
Tsunami's crash inside
Is your heart breaking?
Like the sad story playing in those orbs?

Winter cold heart
Your love tore me apart
Like an Earthquake beneath my feet
You sent me falling through the cracks

Love destroyed us
Like a hurricane, it floored us
Stole my breath and left me gasping
It was your hand I was grasping
for

Down at the bottom
That's where I found them
Those whose hearts were broken like mine
And were left to drown, and die

The rain beats against the blemished glass of my window
Leaves lay brown and crumpled on the ground
A frozen memory of a yesterday's sorrow
Tell me, what is that terrifying sound?

The one that repeats inside of this tormented head
The one that pounds and screams to be let out
The one that tucks me in inside my bed
It fills my soul, my heart. my bones, my doubt.

I feel it aching like age in these worn out muscles
I feel it weighing my shoulders down
I feel it like flames of some vengeance seeking fire
I feel it as I watch Autumn make it's rounds

This seasonal pain is breaking my heart
I'm like Fall as I fall apart

In the leaves of Autumn
I fall into reds and orange
Existing in moments passing by
And crouching at winters feet
I sway with the breeze
Until it rips away the last of me
And I lay in reds and orange
Of Autumn leaves
Left scattered at the feet of trees
Winter will dismember me
And summer won't remeber me
For I will decay, life is fleet
At the feet of trees
I once was leaves
But Autumns trees
Sway in the breeze
It pulls those leaves
To lay in dirt decay
At the feet of Autumn trees

Away with this anger
It serves no purpose
Away with all the catagories
We put each other in
Let's treat each other right
Because we all deserve a chance
To look into the mirror
And feel alright
Away with all the criticism
That we through at each other
For the way we feel
The things that are real
In our lives
Away with all the war
Our fields have drank enough
Blood soaked
Pain drenched
Tainted and stained
Away with all the arguments
They only lead us to unimportant things
Where we push and we shove
And we all fall down
Away with all the assumptions
She belongs with him
And he belongs with her
Everyone deserves to love
Everyone deserves their rights to love
No matter who the loved one is
Away with all the pain
Away with the strains
We live through
Away

Remains of lost hopes and dreams
Sleeping in this endless stream
Ubiquitous the sound of screams
A place they were last seen

Maybe they're the captured last moments
Before the lights inside went out
A last resonating shout
That never ceased it's breathing

It comes alive in the dark
When the shadows tag along
And the stars whistle
To an unrepentant song

Background noise fills my mind
It seems my memory has closed the blinds
On the thrill of reality
And chosen a new mentality

It's here and now
Not then
I'm ready to face my fears
I've been avoiding for years
I'm ready to get up
Tower over them
Eyes shining so immensely
Armor around me
I feel strong
I feel like the warrior
Of the amazon
That I am
Sword raised
A battle Cry at my tounge
Charging into the abyss
Of this battle
I fight do fericly  
No one will knock me down
My blood will not spill
Upon the ground
I am to high
Wings spread with the grace and beauty
Of a queen
Tall with pride
Armed by confidence
Ive never felt this before
This is new
Unique
Antic
But my stride doesnt falter
I am ready to do this
Prove myself to myself
These shadows comfort
Is not needed
I am ready

Warm water around my ankles
I watch the waves sink in then slither away
I watch the moon rise before the day
Watching the stars rip their way into the sky
These battle scars, I wait for them to fade
While watching the moon rise and the sun set
Everyday
Yet the scars only stay
I wish I could stop for how much it hurts
How much shame weighs on me
How disgusted I feel
Like I let you all down
Like I let myself down
Like I'm never going to change
Like they might never fade away
Like I lost this fight
These are the times I wish
*I could fade into the night

There in your eyes
There was a beauty so divine
There was no explanation to why,
Your gorgeous eyes would shine
So bright like nothing I've seen before
And it outlined your soft face
That contributes to your beauty's soft allure
It has me spinning off into space
The way you lay by my side
And whisper in my ear
The way you duck behind your hands to hide
And say every word I long to hear
This, what I'm feeling, is a love without bounds
So pure and bright
Something rarely found
Laying plain in my sight

Inside I fall into blackness
Eyes shut I breathe
Overwhelming suffering
Inside I seethe

I cannot escape my mind
It's a prison I build
Undeniable agony
The cup is over filled
It has spilled
Can I rewind?

Help me please
My eyes they bleed
From all the tears I cry

Those eyes
Full of despair
The way she felt
It wasn't fair

So full of pain
She was drenched
It falls with the rain
So drenched


So bitter with the taste of fear
Sitting in her mouth, just sitting
With the taste of tears
Spitting it out, spitting

Abandoned left all alone
Neglected her heart left at home
Without anyone around
It lay broken and beaten into the ground

Black eye and bruised face
Her wings broken in last place
Smiling still she was dying
Falling broken her children crying

Until she opens her eyes
Someone new in her place
The years she spent dying
That person left with no trace

She was dead
After the years she bled
The goodness of her left shed
Left a broken soldier instead

Inside
I battle
My voice is weak
While SHE has been loud

Talking constantly
To bring me down
Speaking in tongues
That bring black clouds

My heart has beat
With bullet holes
Gushing inklings
Of doubt

Into my body
It took over me
Stole who I was
supposed to be

Took years off my life
In the form of
Smoke and knives

And now I talk back
At the one who
Brings me down

Now I scream back
Her voice
I drown

I'm me again
No one else is
Around

I'm free again
These feet on
Solid ground

The skies are dark
And my heart is sad
My screams echo
And only make the neighbors mad
My tears mean nothing
The never did
Slowly they unravel
My feeling I hid
I am bare
Before the crowd
This pain won't cease
And the roars are loud
I'm falling faster
Than I have before
I pray you save me
Before they seal the doors
Can you hear me?
I'm screaming loud
Can you hear me?
Above the crowd?
Please I lay here
Unshakle me
I'm dying slowly
As you watch me bleed
I'm not a monster
Though I feel I am
Because any things better
Than being human

I am not the same
No, even though my name
Remains

I still look alike
But I changed

My eyes are a bit trusting
My heart I've been dusting
And maybe ill open my arms

Am I the same child?
Oh no I'm no child
Not anymore

I've walked a long road
Did most of what I was told
And stood out so bold

Took flight in the sky
This love ill try
Please... Don't hurt me

Could I just be damaged ?
Could I be savaged ?
All these years I've managed
To salvage the day

Ill pick up the ruins
Tour the tombs
And leave knowing
My hearts in place