i'm not quite sure when
i fell inlove with you,
but there's no turning back
i drink you
increase my intake
the dimmer i get

i like you
hot, milky, and sweet
i drink you
not to escape reality
but to feel more awake in it

they say a good, warm cup
of anything
resembles a human embrace
so maybe it's not caffeine
i can't get enough of

maybe it's erasing
all the armless hugs
maybe it's loving myself
in ways he never did

i drink my cup of tea daily
like popping a bottle of comfort
on the weekend
increase my intake
the deeper i feel

i like my cup of tea
hot, milky, and sweet enough
to erase the sour taste
of his name dying in my mouth.

- crimsyy

a/n: thankyou all for reading (: any thoughts on this poem?

I love eroding, it seems..
I love a brown eyed boy,
I love second chances
why not let you try again,
I love kiss me senseless
because somehow when I
think about nothing,
I feel everything
I love you, hug me tighter
but you never linger,
you need to go
and your tummy ache
seems to replace me
but I don't mind....
*of course I ******* do.

My mouth's a myth magician,
but my eyes can't tell lies,
lie to me and tell me you
believe me when I tell you
I am fine...

What am I supposed to tell you,
what am I supposed to say?
On the positive side,
I didn't ache the same way,
but on the negative,
I'm sure I've lost you again,
meaning that you losing me
could be the beginning of you
finding your meaning
without me there;

Okay, Friend?
You may not gamble
with my feelings,
you may not place a bet
on my love because
I bet my love will go extinct
if you do not water me.

I don't want to be your playdate,
I don't want you
to ruin my mixtape,
I want to keep my engine running,
and my body fueled,
my stomach can do
without the abuse

Because it has confused
you for food and I can't eat,
without thinking that I've
mistaken you for a flower,
and am now chewing
on the thorns,

I don't want to be your friend,
I want to poke you inside and out,
I want to cause goosebumps
to crawl all over your skin,
and I don't ever want to
breathe you out, I want
to breathe you in,
right now, is that a sin?

"There are other fish in the sea"
but my fishing line
goes straight through,
never picking left or right,
there are no other fish in sight...

So I'll keep swimming,
I'll leave you behind on the shore,
and there you'll be safe,
and faraway, I'll be okay.
Okay, Friend?

Tea stains ever present,
my anesthetic,
tasted by an older tongue,
sedating an even older mind.
Little one,
you were happy
and naive,
but I'll have to
leave you behind.

that night, my stomach
cramped up the nerve to ask
if i had gotten the sick out of me,
i tossed my response
in the form of mixed media
liquids, solids,
and amongst other things,
last night's dinner

my impulses don't know
how to punctuate
there are no commas
no full stops
I'm sorry sweetheart
perhaps i should have
warned you before
but understand i don't just
want to dive in with you
i want to drown in
all the warmth
so drown with me

that night, my stomach
cramped up the nerve to ask
if i had gotten the sick out of me,
i tossed my response
in the form of mixed media
liquids, solids,
last night's dinner,
and amongst other things
his name or maybe yours
you see, i remember
all the things gone bad,
conversations him and i
never got to have
but lately i've been keeping
my face towards the sunlight

my entire being is reacting,
making metaphors out of
12 a.m vomiting incidents,
my entire being is reacting
even when my body is still,
i am still trying my very best
to get the sick out of me.

- Crimsyy

a/n: thankyou for reading! for anyone who's wondering, the 12 a.m vomiting incident that inspired this entire poem did actually happen and it was terrible. Hopefully the poem is better (:

I don't know who
the next me will be,
what skin she'll be wearing,
whether she will learn to surf the waves
and not just dip her feet in them.

Will this be the year
she finally looks anxiety in
the eye and says
"You will not stop me?"
Will it be the year she finally
looks suicide in the eye and says
"You will not take me?"

My youth and her youth is slipping away
behind signatures and steering wheels,
behind money and percentages,
but these don't define her or me...

If she'll believe in herself,
throw herself into life's ride
and breathe, then she will be okay,
but if she is the harshest critic,
the most high of all perfectionists,
she might struggle.

I want to tell her that breathing
is the most beautiful thing she could
specialize in during her beautiful existence,
I want to tell her to not be terrified of the night,
and whatever lurks behind her eyelids,
It's just a dream girl, nothing more.

I want to tell her imperfection is beautiful,
I want to tell her to commit so
her life can be wonderful,
I want to tell her she wasn't raised
to howl over anyone,
I want to tell her: let them love you,
and let them leave you,
Let them hold you but
don't ever let them break you.

You used to ease my pain,
in you I placed my trust
but trust's a broken bicycle
and now the bicycle rusts,
I'd go miles to
make you smile insane,
but now you won't do the same

We lost our spark,
sweet notes and goodnight
before the night
grew teeth in the dark,
I'll hold your hand forever,
Let go never.

The day has claws,
you know the wars I wage
and you leave me
at the monster's jaw,
ready to be taken away,
I love peace but
you're on my last nerve,
I'm tempted to
cut the ties that bind me to you.

We lost our spark,
no more sweet notes
and goodnight,
I'm a prisoner of the dark,
You'll hold my hand never,
Let go forever.

Your kisses are a bundle of nerves
and the more we lean back
the more we can feel our shattered spines
but having lived is
worth being paralysed,
your hugs are safety
I can never detach myself from,
conjuring up sighs in me
I never get the chance to speak of.

I could chew my way
through all the armless hugs,
through all the silences,
but an infestation of truth
tore away the mask
which allowed me to pursue
such a mindless task,
and now I can no longer
act so automatic,
no longer just a passenger
in my own mind,
I'm either indifferent or dramatic.
And now the entrace is closed
for what I detest,
you're a part of me and
I hope you don't mind,
but darling, your knives
were always the hardest to digest.

An explosion of art in my soul,
from tragedy I birth a masterpiece
as this world hoards disorder,

You will not make a madhouse out of me,
you will not haunt me when
everything falls apart,
I will not see the "us" in rust,
from rust, the world implodes
but from the rust, I grow

There is chaos out there,
and sometimes, I find it hard
to just float and breathe,
I find it hard to not drown in the noise,
I find it hard to determine
what I should perceive,

And at times, I let
my mind bury me in ashes,
I let you bury me in ashes,
but watch me strike a match
on all the wasted anger and anguish;
I don't think you can defeat me.
There are no weapons
to knock down my walls of chaos.

the poet
born with ferocity
she shook the earth
and left a mark on your skin
she resonated and through
carefully constructed words,
she wept

she works
behind closed doors
lights dim and her dimmer
but like a phoenix
she will rise again
she's paid the cost
in pain and tears

welcome to the golden years.

- crimsyy

I measured my tolerance
and it was gone,
the same way the leaves
that fall off of Autumn trees
never grow back.

I tried feeling a shrivel of love for you
or even sympathy, but nothing came...
Nothing came even when
I'd seen the pros and cons,
nothing came when I slept on it,
nothing came when I ate through it,
nothing but my soul uttering "no more",
and I knew I had to listen.

I was the toy you held
when you wanted to
feel something beautiful,
I was your wind up toy,
now you've had your fun,
playing time's over,
because you're just a pseudo boy,
and I'm not so desperate
to take love artificial.

Toluene*

He is a truly sublime being,
his "I love you's" like
sticky notes, stickers,
every embrace leaves
an imprint on my arms,
every kiss clings to my tongue
until I taste him again,
His love, an adhesive,
a sudden wallop of rapture
flowing through each
cremation chamber,
making my heart hum hum hum
a little faster faster faster
love knows no punctuation

- Crimsyy

Nicotine

When I'm with you,
I'm overcome with temptation
to release onto you
all my lamentations,
but I don't want to be
an extra weight on your mind,
I know how hard it is
to lift yourself up sometimes.

Because sometimes you
are the heaviest thing in the world,
and the world doesn't
understand that,
blaming triggers,
applying bandaids to wounds
that'll bleed long after the
bandaid's ripped off.

We're both hemophiliacs
drowning in breathtaking chemicals,
in our bones, fragility seeping,
our skin continuously bleeding.
But you and I
are more than this,
more than a shortage of bliss.
We're the passion felt
through a tender kiss,
We're addictive,
like the magnetic pull
of your lips.

I hope you know
sometimes I have to
force the monster out of me
to escape life's bitter bite,
but she loves you just the same,
and I hope you know that
in her, you summone the light.
And when she's with you,
she's overcome with temptation
to release onto you
all her lamentations,
and everytime,
you feel so safe,
she almost does,
she almost does.

*Thankyou for reading! Please comment your thoughts on this one and your favourite part/line and why it's your favourite. ^.^ Your comments make my days.

Toluene

I've buried origins in foreign soil,
I've buried me in all my turmoil,
but you are the shovel
digging deeper into me,
and I don't mind.
I don't mind feeling the love,
but I mind the sick -
the sick feels like all
the reasons to die.

When absence
becomes a metronome,
I know we've been too far apart,
even hearts cannot force
a beat to leap when
souls grow cold and
hands become ashtrays
in the dark.

And though this world may decay,
my love for you will never fade;
darling you make me feel
as if I'm coming home,
darling, you're dripping
all the colours of the rainbow
all over my heart's monochrome.



*A/N: Utter  nonsense...but anyways here's a new poem. Have been very busy with school - a week full of assessments one after the other.
Please comment your thoughts on this poem (: Thankyou for reading! ♡♡

Nicotine

Your quiet, unexpected
utterances
crawled their way
through each artery,
filling every gaping void
so effortlessly,
all the way to my
blackened heart;
my love, my love, *my love.


**A/N: There's a very sweet story behind this short one ^.^ please comment your thoughts/constructive opinions  and thankyou so much for reading! ♡

Nicotine

All these useless words
I'm using for you
are the bandaids
that soothe my wounds
when you aren't there
to make me feel as if
my breath will never cease to be
and my heart will never wish
to cease its beat beat beat.

Lately, I've taken the form of
anticipation,
but you know I'm
not very patient,
and my anticipation is
in need of liberation.
Darling, when we meet again,
I will lose it all,
forget my sanity;
I will *smother
smother smother
you in love.

- Crimsyy

**A/N: Thankyou for reading!  Please leave a comment of what you think about this poem...your comments mean a lot to me ^.^ Also, for this poem, I left some punctuation out on purpose.

Acetone

We're very much alike,
the flame, you, and I.
We all just exist
because we were meant to be,
much like the reason
behind our love,
the reason behind
my "I love you,"
the reason why
my eyes always sparkle for you.
I can't quite name it,
can't retrieve it
from the cemetery
in my mouth.
But it's *there.
*****.
Beautiful.



**Thankyou so much for reading! Please comment your thoughts or feedback on this one. ^.^

Acetone*

It wouldn't take
a simple overnight
to have enough of him, now;
You miss him,
isn't that right,
as you tie your shoe laces
and clench your jaw tight.
How long is soon?
The waiting party's over,
your resistance, a deflated balloon.
You're running out of air, silly girl,
too attached with your care.
You're a switch and he flips you
from nothing to everything,
and you're weaponless.
So, do yourself a favour,
and stop counting all the seconds
you've waited for him,
stop wasting your 11:11,
or else when the clock
finally breaks down,
the time might just **** you.

Toluene

You slip away from me
just as I'm about to reach,
time escapes us
like a clover
missing its fourth leaf,
stuck in the jungle
of my thoughts,
I can still find you but
I feel like you're the closest star,
visible, but too **** far.

And where's my luck
when the wrong date
on the calendar turns out right?
I haven't seen you
in a fortnight
and now I'm starting to feel
the absence bite.

I'm falling apart
because I can't remember
your lips or
how it feels to
drown in your kiss.
You're a nuance in
my memory:
I always remember a lot more
when it comes to you.

But this time,
I've forgotten the
sublime ways you
made me happy,
And I'm reminded
in each aching moment,
of how the breath in
my lungs constricts when
you're not near;
I miss you dear.



*Hey everyone...a little sad poem but that's because I felt that way. Please comment your thoughts / constructive opinions on this poem. Thankyou for reading! ^.^

Acetone

I'm sorry I didn't
quite know what to say
when we were sitting in
the backseat
and your mind was driving you
a million miles away,
I'm sorry he broke your heart,
how dare he take your smile apart?
I know you're coated in pain,
so I'll ask it to
slowdance with my name:
Just tell me where it hurts
and I'll bandage your wounds
with these words,
I'll bury all your rage in my hearse
where my bones will
one day decay.
And I pray no one else will ever
rip you apart
because I love you and
watching you hurt
is the hardest part.

- Crimsyy

*A/N: Oddly timed updates but that's because school has began (: Please vote and comment what you think of this poem or any constructive opinions...thankyou for reading!♡

Nicotine*

I write this under a reading light,
my hand a shadow,
moving along the page.
I write this because you
told me I could share,
and because I've never really
shared the words that make
my hands tingle.

I write this because
you are my Toluene -
you stir my mind matter
in ways no one else does.
You make me panic,
then relieved, then okay,
then glad to be yours,
and then...

You turn into my nicotine;
The coldness of my body
not pressed against yours
seeps through my skin,
and the withdrawal symptoms begin.

Nicotine*

Your mother told me
I'd miss you this year -
I already knew.
I wish I could tell her
everytime I've had to
shove a blade of tears
down my throat so
no one would have to
watch my eyes bleed it.

The problem is, I
miss you quite easily,
I still need to build up
my resistance, but even then,
I would not be able to
ignore your absence
the same way you cannot ignore
a gap in between your front teeth.

I will have tearful nights
because my lips will ache for yours,
and my limbs will feel too isolated.
I will have days where I
will be in shades of black
like a funeral,
but that will be how I'll know
that I'm fully alive,
because I'll miss you so.

So I won't be able to ignore
your absence,
but maybe I'll put it to the side
until all the upcoming times
we'll see each other again,
and then I will let it all
take over me
and give into you, sweet nicotine.

Will you let me make
a mosaic out of
our broken parts,
or will your stubbornness
force me to pull away,
send all our pieces astray,
and mourn you even though
you will have not passed away?

Stearic Acid*

Out of your mouth came
the good intentions,
out of your deeds,
you were a contradiction,
with contrasting actions.
Such a contradiction of a girl,
such a faker up front.
Don't deny that you would speak
when I was absent,
don't deny that you couldn't
even be happy because
all you knew how to be was
immaturely jealous.
You lured me in with that
saccharine smile and the embraces,
but you pushed me away
with the contents of
your foul mouth.

Tar

How could you have
expected me to defend you,
when you had, without an explanation,
bid me adieu?
How could you expect me
to wipe your slate clean
when you were never
what you seemed?

Your stain remains though
your traces have been
blurred and sugarcoated,
all the trouble you caused
hidden under your hood,
I receive the blasphemy
and you're a ***** for the applause,

Your lungs coated in tar,
you inhale smoke
and exhale bitterness
just to criticize
what you cannot polarize;
right, wrong, and too much.

These are my organs,
all trying to function,
mixed with one cup too many
of tea.

These are my organs
sliced to pieces by dishonesty,
who have bled too much
unrequited love.

These are my organs who have
decided to give life a second chance
because they delight in
feeling my body dance.

These are my organs
wrapping themselves around
a stranger
claiming love, love, love
in a world of sad never afters.

These are my organs
shaking off the sadness,
burning, burning,
and in the end
all that remains is
love, love, love.

In my chest resides a heavy weight,
rage and pain stir as I contemplate
if you're worth the ache
I've been feeling these last few days

I yearn for a taste of you
and yet I just want you to leave
so this pain may cease

And in the heat of my own hate
I can feel myself suffocate
Loving you and leaving you
are just the same,
different phrases
with the same name

But never will you reduce me
to be completely desperate for you
never will I plead on my knees
for the return of
someone who never learns.
My anger you cannot sedate
and when you'll crave my forgiveness
It might just be too late.

I can't place a
blanket over you anymore,
I can't love you like
this July cold,
the cold air presses such icy kisses on my cheeks,
but when I think of you,
all I can do is seethe.

I never wanted you to be
this crimson scar
I hold in my chest,
I never thought you'd be
a suffocation of all the best.

You paint me in shades
of red regret,
and I wonder
how long this rage
will cling to me
and when it'll
make a cemetery in my heart for all the words
I haven't said yet.

You wore me like jewellery
and I was yours while
times were golden,
but in your misery
it seems you've forgotten
who I am to you
and what I'm trying to do.

And I don't know
if I can stay,
or if I should just
turn my face away.

- Crimsyy

I have tasted hearts
that have had
the same effect as
getting drunk on chloroform,

I have shaken hands
which promised to feed me,
but ended up choking me instead,

And
I have had to
contain myself
all those times no one
realised that I wasn't "just
tired" and that if I WAS tired,
sleep would not fix it anyway,
sleep was foreign to me anyway,
sleep consisted of nightmares
that I couldn't run away from,

Because you can't run away
from breathing;
But I'm here now,
And I'm glad.

- Crimsyy♡



I want to let my tears
wash me clean or
soak me until my clothes
show the ***** truth;
the insides of a vessel
affected by depression are
not always so pristine.

Do not judge this;
you do not know what it is
to haunt your own body,
to have your mind
wage war on you,
you do not know the sound
of your mind pulling 1000 triggers,
the sound of gunshots ricocheting
in your lungs;
you only know that my
breathing is shallow.

Do not call me weak just because
"I cannot stomach
the same meal twice"
when I have swallowed
the same poison
up until this moment in life
where I am learning to spit it out;
I love you, I love you, I love you
Separation, separation,  separation,
suicidal contemplation...

But of course,
tomorrow I'll be here again,
so there's nothing to worry about,
right?


- Crimsyy♡

you can carry a heart
but you can't tell it
what to feel for you

maybe this whole time
i haven't been afraid of
falling inlove
i've just been terrified of
loving the idea of someone
so much that it overshadowed
the whole.

i haven't been afraid of
falling in love because
i've dived in so
deep under water
i don't want to see the way up
because in love, breathing
becomes less of a burden,

no i haven't been
afraid of loving,
i've just been terrified of taking
a spark

and turning it into
the whole **** fire.

- crimsyy

a/n: thankyou so much for reading! I hope you like this poem as much as i do (:

Would you use this scalpel
as I'd tell you to?
Would you dig a hole
in my veins?

In this instance, right away, now
please, get this disease out of me,
you will hear no sirens,
you'll only see the tears running.

In this instance, right away, now
please, understand that the hands
of my mind have turned violent.
They shake me up and bend me
until saliva meets bone
and all I've eaten for dinner today
is "fresh air",
smells of petrichor,
oh how can my mind not adore
temporary starvation?

Please!
Realise I do not want this,
I do not want to die...
But the doubts and fears
in my head continously multiply.

Desperation meets bone,
my current body is no home,
not like any "home" I've known,
and I wish I could "move out"
but I'm stuck in this skin...
please plant some seeds into me..

And then...
Use this scalpel
as I tell you to,
confiscate my blade,
make me stay,

And then I will remain.





I took a big risk
being the first to say
"I love you."
But your silence
was the only reply I needed.
I understand and I
won't force love upon you
and maybe it was too soon,
but when you've got a
mind like mine,
things turn rather absurd,
and the words you utter more
than any other words
are "I love you" and "sorry."
So, I'm sorry that I finally confessed
the words that have been forever
sleeping in my chest,
But maybe I just hoped
that you'd be able to break the spell..
I digress.
What matters is the words
have been said,
they will not die with me
when I take my last breath.

Bipolar me,
and bipolar weather,
A playground in my mind
with a mood swing set,
and a slippery slide,

Happiness - a game of roulette,
what's holding me together
is being untied,
I'm coming undone on my own,
say you're there yet
my walls feel alone,

Say you care but
you sure don't show it,
If you care I
sure don't know it.

Do you know how crazy
it's driven me?
All these possibilities,
and could be's,

I bleed and I bleed,
no bandage,
I strive, I survive,
All I feel is damage.

Don't get too close to me,
I might be unkind, savage,
Don't leave me alone,
or there'll be nothing of me
left to salvage.

(I want I want I want)

A morning fully complete,
weakened mood,
tears on the bed sheets.

Thoughts of you
should lift me higher,
but quite opposite,
erode my mind.

Thinking in grey
comes as easy
as breathing;
as easy as my shallow breaths
begging to hear gun shots,
but somehow this nightmare,
somehow you are not vile enough
to make me want to leave.

Thinking in technicolor
is a caustic riddle, puzzle
for my migraine to solve
give me back existence,

(My skin my skin my skin)

Cadmium*

You took a bullet to my heart
made of titanium,
poisoned my blood with deceit and lies,
filled my lungs with cadmium.

How can I not see your reflection
in any one who speaks your same words?
I try to forget of your mistakes
but mirrors only amplify the hurt.

I have given up on searching for your heart,
hope and want are a self destructing team;
you've never once apologised,
I've had to settle for "I'm sorry" in my dreams.

Acetone

The places where you
lit fires just for me
begin to dismantle themselves
as soon as your absence is felt;
Your hands were the stitches
that held them together.

Vulnerability inevitable,
yet somehow it feels
safe with you,
close enough to fire,
close enough to be highly
flammable when
exposed to air (love),
close enough to reveal
parts of me I'd always conceal.

This love is
violent and gentle,
somedays, an arrow to my heart,
others, unbearable to pull apart
and I guess though
that's what love means;
taking the euphoria with
the smoke,
staying through merciless
days of bloodshed,
just to keep a throbbing beat alive
and kicking to the gut,
adding salt to a bleeding cut;
I could bleed myself dry for you.

I'm selfish because i care
And what's mine is not to be shared
I'll envelop you in a love so rare
I'll colour outside the lines
just to make sure you'll always
remain only mine.

I'm selfish
so love me or despise me
Either way, you'll think about me
And i don't think you'll
ever be able to comprehend
my possessive tendencies;

tell me, despite my irritable ways
can you make out the meaning
of an I-I- I love you?



**A/N: Thankyou for reading! Even flaws and "irritable ways" can have a good meaning behind them. Please comment what you think of this one ^.^

No I don't care
if I'm being selfish here,
but I need you to
stick by me.
No, I don't mean to steal your time
but from now on,
all your time is mine,
all your strength is mine.
I've dug a hole, just for you,
It's up to you to refill it
either with dirt, myself
or all the scars that once hurt.
Love,
Anti.

I forgot to say my goodbyes,
when my love for you
washed out your lies,

              Excuse me now,
              I'm somebody else.

You're screaming on the floor,
But I'm not knocking
on your door,

              I don't know what you're here for,
               unless to beg for forgiveness
               on all fours.

And still, I'd say no,
and still, I'd
walk away,

               Because "sorry" is
                the worst lie you could say.

My send-off,
the most savage
you'll find,

              *Because "*******"
                is too kind.

Ammonia*

A grudge...
maybe that's what
I'm holding for you.
A heavy package made of steel,
settled in my heart,
pleasing its own needs of
comfortability,
reminding me to
spit at your
parasitic picture of love.

We just need to hear
you say sorry,
my grudge and I,
in need of apologies
so much
we'll take it artificial.

"Excuse me?" our heart inquires,
"I'd like some oxygen."
But we can't listen to it,
not when there's so much to lose;
self respect, dignity.
We can't listen to that
stupid, little thing,
when there's so much justice
awaiting us.

Toluene*

My soul still suffers from palpitations
when it hears your name,
those overused butterflies are nothing
compared to the drunkenness swimming in my brain.

Just your arms and your chest
feel like my safety zone,
shutting the world out,
I've no need to roam.

I hate how unbearable it is to leave,
how absence clings,
I love you but I do wish
missing you wouldn't
make my eyes sting.

Things I know to be true
at 10 pm on a Friday night:
I know I feel more at home
on my own, alone,
I know that alone to me
is not the feeling of
suffocating inside your own skin,
I know my skin is
the only real estate I'll
ever permanently own.
I know my skin
is not my enemy,
I know my skin
is always ready to welcome me.
I know my mind
is a lovely place to spend your time in
if you don't mind the looming threat
of a tornado or an earthquake.
I know your love is like
a vestigial *****
I do not require
but am willing to carry.
I know I love ferociously
and somedays that love
is a vestigial *****
I could go well without,
like tonsils in my throat
limiting my voice,
but does your heart ever
give you a choice?
I know I'm breathing
and nothing is falling apart
around me,
and even without you here,
I know I'm safe.

It hurts to stay,
but it hurts to leave,
and on paper,
the words find me,
the words that maybe
could put a name to
whatever we are,
because it is not "just friends"

We poke each other
too much to be "just friends",
your bag held my jacket
too long to be "just friends",
your hands stroked my hair
two times more than "just friends"

And whenever you say
"It's okay,"
my mind listens
because at that moment
when a wish and love
are in a perfect paste,
my mind feels okay...

So tell me why now,
whenever I speak your name,
my tongue burns,
oh tell me
when will you learn
that people are not games,
that if you keep pressing
the reset button,
a person might just vanish away...

You make me feel
like the most beautiful flower,
because it's always me
you pluck from the dirt,
it's always you that
trims away all my hurt...

But in your hands, I die
I've died a million times,
And I can't find
a drop of you in this ocean,
am I swimming on my own?
We're both sailors at sea,
but you're steering
this ship terribly,
I do not ship the
situation we're in,

How can love be fun,
when we're both conflicted,
our words restricted,
over-addicted to overthinking,
overtwisting every little thing,
until I am not sure
if I love you,
and you're not sure
if you want me...

But take it easy,
it's not like I'm in despair,
break me;
force a scalpel into my heart,
there's nothing of my own
that I haven't repaired,

I'm caught between
wanting to strip you
of your breath, and
wanting to keep you alive,
even if it'd result in my death.