Anger found me early on
Pain came with conception
Love could never quite make a connection
A prime concoction
To fuel a blind rage and hide direction
Like an infection

©2025

Weighed down in the longest part of each darker day
Kicking rocks to find that missing spark and maybe see some gray
This is where time reaches maximum decay
Would I notice losing and entire day?
At what point will it become my choice not to stray?
I can't complain if I choose to stay

I'm drowning in the confusion of life's word play
If I can only hold my breath just a little longer than the mayday
"By tomorrow this will already be yesterday"

But I'm needed today

I can't remember to ask you to remind me not to put this on you so forgive me but refresh me,
What was you and what got through that I had to say?
I wonder that in the best way
I also mess up royally, here's a pocket dossier
I'm in no place to judge the price to pay

Try to keep the fears
And two lifetimes of multiple parallel timelines of tears at bay
But there on the floor I lay
Once again I find myself in my own way
I danced with the devil under the pale moon light
It was such an intricate ballet
Just for me to say
Nothing good comes that isn't then stripped away

©2025

What is that doing here?
It reminds me to remember a particular fear
How peculiarly sincere
But I have enough of that
So take it all the way back
It never fails to stick if and when I wander near

I've said it before
Both coming in and walking out the door
My vocal cords ring sore
You feed me Okay's
Say, "to hell with past days"
No more tears moped up off a shared floor

I've heard many things
So many things said many ways by many human beings
It's gone beyond repeating
Lost my sense of real
What's a partnerships appeal?
Even good beginnings befall painful endings

Keep the goodby
Trade it for another "never again" lie
And a slice of American pie
Words hold little truth
Slippery, not unlike a noose
That no one this time will be able to untie

©2025

I'd like to have a single today
Without the thoughts of a yesterday
And one nights worth of restless sleep
With no looming doom of a tomorrow that has a promise to keep

©2025

Where do I go nooow?
Why don't I know hooow?
If I giiive eeeveryyythiiing?
I'll be less thaaan nooothiiing?

What is this really about?

If I give up nooow
Take my final booow
Will it meeean aaanyyythiiing?
Will I still beee nooothiiing?

I don't think I'm willing to find out

©2025

Hey you there

It's not just me in here
Oh how I wish you could hear the coconspirator
Or see in a single tear how loud the fear of fear truly can be
And how I'm so rarely allowed to steer

I AM a dark passenger, MY dark passenger
A near prison like constricting atmosphere with no breathing apparatus gear
Life can be so impossibly cavalier
Death is always closer than it should ever appear, regardless of the mirror

In my story I have the glory of a lone fourth musketeer
With a crowded asylum between each ear
So many questions but not a single agreed upon answer will appear
And I've yet to meet this so called infallible puppeteer

Though the hierarchy is clear, it passes through an auctioneer
"Punish thee if thy finds I should ever veer from thy holy 'engineer'"
Hell, they can stay put like a headlight frozen deer
I'd rather be allowed to be the one to disappear

I've made it clear
I did not ask to be here

©2025

I open my mouth to say
"I haven't felt wanted since..."
A soul crushing pause lingers to this day
Never do I find a when
That's where that statement has to end

©2025

A physical scarecrow
A field of life, me alone in the middle
Stacking another tomorrow
Let's in a bit of hope to barrow

Allowed to live in a place
With maybe just enough space
Between better and worse case
To balance a scenario that's fallen far from grace

©2025

The monsters quickly collect under the bed
Graduating faster to free range demons roaming the head
Diabolical shadows lurking on the perimeter of the peripheral
Becoming a something far to real to think it still impossible
Unlike fear and loathing, fear and logic are seldomly seen traversing side by side
The unnatural occurrence of an unnecessary ride

By the time an oblivious mind realizes the kamikaze danger
The digits it controls are busy pulling out each heartbreak dagger
Those select few that came through the front from the  back
Create tallies in scar form that are starting to overlap as they stack
Teetering on life's edge as it dares me to take that final step over
Finding it impossible not to follow the devil when there's one on each shoulder

You didn't break my heart
Only snuffed out what was left
Soul crushing becoming an art
Love must have been mentioned in jest
Another gruesome end finding it's start
I fear to even hear your next quest
I beg for a hand as my edge crumbles apart
Why one never extended is anyone's guess

©2025

Just leave me alone
I'll be better on my own

©2025

I've lost the plot
Or maybe it was in a memo i never got
Like it or not
It happens a lot
One after another,
After another,
After another
Just another blunder
Or another missed shot?
What where you taught?
What have you had to try to unknot?
I wonder who's fought
The same demons I've fought?
Struggling with a foundation of dry rot
Every lesson has been forgotten
Might as well be the mascot
Of a bumbling idiot
Stumbling in the darkness being heartless brought
In and out of a rock bottom that is always finding a new, deeper spot

©2025

We live in a time far beyond parody
"One nation, under god..." heresy
Belief with an astrix *hypocrisy
Brain rot the byproduct of conspiracy
Write a holy book to weaponize theocracy
Cherry picking for convenience should be piracy
Do as I say not as I do type diplomacy
A sketchy love thy neighbor as thy self theory
"Except for that guy a different shade from me" apparently
I'm just the mirror being held for all to see
If this raises questions bring out up to "the almighty"
If there is a creator, we are it's atrocity
A dark comedy
A beautiful tragedy

©2025

You don't care enough to care
i wish a feeling this raw was rare
Fields of dreams are bleak and bare
Turned a darkened back of the mind nightmare

A thousand yard stare
Thoughts going everywhere yet nowhere
This is where i think i want to be
But i'm always off by just a hair

You say over and over,
"When I'm here I'm here"
Yeah, and when you're there you're there
Well, i don't want to share

Still i trusted you enough to share
my inner darkness from prior despair
You crushed my spirit while fully aware
Left with barely an ounce to spare

In love and war all is fair but life's not fair
i'm trying to fight to ignite what's not there
Though i know i should not dare
That's my cross to bare

©2025

I tried giving a fuuck
Never did I ever receive a single one back
Tired of pushing my luck
To the forefront of a full frontal barbaric attack
Feels like passing the buck
The offer of a penny for your thoughts never taken so they stack
Trudge through the muck
Stomping on what you hope is dog shiit in a burning paper sack
That unwanted feeling stuck
Used and abused then put back on the rack

©2025

I literally can't explain
How I'm still here;
Every single attempt
I've FAILED
Year after year
Went bottoms up
On a fresh bottle of Unisom®
FAIL
Two bottles of the same blue
At the same time
FAIL
THREE bottles
But this time
Of the extra strength variety
A 96 count in each
FAIL
One swipe of a blade
Straight across
Horizon inspiration
FAIL
Two more swipes
From left to right
Both left and right respectively
At an angle this time
FAIL
Eyes closed before a five story attempt to fly
Minus wings
FAIL
What have I learned?
Only that the next one
MUST NOT FAIL
Don't worry,
I'll get it right eventually
Trust me
You'll all see
I'll be
The hero in my story
Slaying the beast,
Escaping this purgatory
And FINALLY
Ending this tragedy
The only way I know how
...
I don't know how
...
Pageantry turned reality
...
This final bow is just that
...
A final bow
...
Please don't remember me

©2025

Things are bad and getting worse
And what's worse
Is this stagnant curse
One maybe set from birth
But who knows
All I know
Is it can't lead to the back of a hearse
First things first
And for what is worth
I need to find my worth
But while searching for said worth
I find myself dying of thirst
Realizing life can't be reversed
Opportunity dispersed
I have to accept the empty
Path I've traversed
And acknowledge the wasted good karma
Will never be reimbursed

©2025

I sit here,
Like a beetle on it's back
In a crack of it's own design
Crafted it's own demise
Frantically flailing
Panicking mainly
Legs going every witch way,
Becoming to heavy
To reach out for help
No voice to call out for help
Though it tries
Not knowing it's already dead
Hope is the first thing that dies
Moments from the cruel hand dealt
By life itself
Exposing itself
As deaths right hand man
Still we fall for the bluff
And the universe doesn't listen to
"Enough is enough"
If you don't like it
Tough

©2025

I love you,
I love you not
I love you
I love y...
Wait a second...
If it's not bipartisan
Honestly
It does not matter how many peddles this flowers got

©2025

You know how I know
That's a bullshiit apology?
Because you're not sorry
You're just sorry
Sorry,
Not sorry
But the difference is
Whenever I am
Mine aren't empty

©2025

I wanted so bad to be done with the fight
I no longer cared 'bout who's wrong and who's right

©2025

I had a dream last night
About suddenly waking up
But the dark had engulfed the light

Gone was the fight
Both sides giving up
On simple wrong and right

I'm awaken to a primitive plight
Ageing but not growing up
Somewhere out in the multiverse I might

Forget reaching the highest hight
It's not looking up
Not a single goal in sight

The futures not too bright
It's burning up
While we argue who hit ignite

It's too much to take onsite
No throwing up
Only ingest a small bite
Maybe it will be alright

©2025

Sometimes it's better
To not have ever
Even tried
"Never say never"
Should come with a disclaimer
Spread wide

Watch for the tide
Current's make a deadly ride
Try to remember
More people than not have lied
Wrong and right often mingle on the same side
A good person's not even a contender

©2025

Seas churn wildly
Dancing with the icy wind
No land mass in sight
Alone in it's savagery
My heart and soul mirrors it

©2025

How does one live
Without a heart in his chest,
No positive thought in his head,
The worst presenting as his best?

A hopeless romantic
If it's not perfect, it's panic
Why is the worse case automatic?
I think it's called...manic

There's suppose to be no need
No one should be expected to try
What if I'm wrong?
Or what if I'm right and people lie

I just want you
To want to want what I want too
And maybe help put a few insecurities to bed
And pretend for a fleeting second true love's true

©2025

I put the pasta in the water
And watched the burner get hotter and hotter
But the water refused to boil
Sitting on the red hot coil
Then the instant I walked away it boiled over

©2025

Foresight
No conclusions
Could be wrong, maybe right
Try seeing through the night without
Moonlight

©2025

Fly me to the moon
Pinky promise you'll come back to me soon
And I'll wait for you from sundown to high noon
Playing our favorite tune

©2025

The tears shed for what has long since gone will only distort the importance of every right here, right now, leading to nothing but regret when what's all said and done catches up to the last setting sun

©2025

Five quick syllables
Then you plug in seven more
Five will wrap it up

©2025

I see you look at me
But do you see me?
Am I see through?
Could it be that easy?

When you do look,
What are you looking for?
Only what you want to see?
What if I'm something more?
((What if I'm nothing more?))

Will you lie to yourself
If you see something different?
If I'm not perfect but maybe adjacent
Will that still justify a replacement?

I don't know what this is
I don't know why I form questions
To queries I want no answers too
Just to repeat the painful lessons

©2025

Find me in the shadows
Cowering behind broken windows
Obsolete and useless
Like old Nintendos
Single celled amongst the minnows
Fear the stage, cancel shows
Tattered armor from the battles
When oh when
Will I get to chalk up my first win?
Who knows
I mean
Who knows?
Been trading blows
With good and evils
Gods and devil's
A perpetual looser revels
With a fat lip and broken nose
I lie about it so it still grows
As time slows
Behind a cold wind that blows
New highs
New lows
No,
Reoccurring lows
Kept on stepped on toes
A blade allows me to watch
Oxygen turn life from blue to red
As it flows
And drips off the edge
Of pointy elbows
Not caring where it goes
Never telling what it knows

©2025

I can't phrase the question

I forever run from an answer

I've learned nothing from either

But fear itself

©2025

Finally,
So not all of a sudden but gradually,
It's been proven systematically
Everybody WILL leave me
And no,
I'm not a fortune teller phoney
Want proof?
Well,
That's easy
Follow closely
A quick peek and you'll see
Everyone has left me
The problem is me,
Obviously,
Self doubt has it's very own key
But here's what gets me,
When I want to leave me
Suddenly
That's another something wrong with me
You don't want me
I don't want me
How do those conclusions land differently?
Identical mindsets but yours are worthy
Of walking away unapologetically
Levitating an old issue like I've lost gravity
But still wound up in the devils proximity
Clearly
I'm the only one not allowed to not want me
Love it's self is a fallacy
Someone needs to explain that duality

©2025

It's twelve something in the morning
A vague block of time past
The empty celebration
I meander outside
Hopelessly alone,
Just me and a cigarette
And when it burns out,
No longer lit
I'll then yell and scream
Louder than I can
Untill my voice gives up on me too
Finally leaving me
And I can no longer
Even call upon a whisper
As I make the biggest decision of my life...
...at least up to this point...
To go solo for what's left of this venture
Where I hope to discover
Me
The entity
That I've heard called Jeremy

©2025

Poverty,
The losing end of a lottery
Forced to sustain a thread bare society
Manufacture a rivalry
But first get 'em use to seeing it on TV
Cosplay as naturally
There goes the humanity
Can't find neighborly
No comradery
Acceptance the oddity
Just, "single file please" to the factory
Talk back and be privy
To the reality of free
Copy, paste, delete, recopy
The definition of insanity
The loss in every "VICTORY!"
Is plain to see
But the pillow mints are complimentary
Subdued easily
Simply
Like smoke to a bee
The screen hides the real you and me

I suffer from an internal judgment
I don't need yours on top of it
With this loser title I'm complacent
Save your beratement
Find some other sucker in their mothers basement
To fold into your statement
Don't play games with a sharp wit
Death is my only engagement
That's the only thing proven permanent
Unconditional love?
Never heard of it

©2024

She close fist punches me
Open hand slaps me repeatedly
Throws shiit at me
And still expects respect
Out of me
Like I'm some kind of nuthouse dummy
I must be
My own quest enemy...

©2024

There was no intention in me
To walk away from you
It was more or less something
You inspired me to do

©2024