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Xaela San Jul 26
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Take every step slowly but surely while enjoying the journey.
Xaela San Jul 2018
He is trully a brave protector indeed

Neither rain nor shine there he stand

And with the pain of sun and heat

Still he maintains his composure


Everyday he brings hope and protection

As citizen and policeman of this nation

Even if a lack of sleep hinder his stand

Wearing his uniform makes him proud


And later at sunrise he goes home

Looking down on his little angels

Sleeping peacefully in their own dreams

And imagining their bright future


Yet he still sacrifice his life for us

He is trully a brave protector and a father.
I am proud of you Dad
Xaela San Oct 2018
When we first met I never have I thought of you throwing you life out of the line
Until we became friends, never in my thoughts have I thought you'd do such thing to yourself

Those time spend together full of smiles and laughs
I realized that, it was all nothing but a mask for you to hid

How did you do that, pretending to be fine when you knew everything was nothing but sadness
Why didn't you tell me when you were drowning on your own thoughts everyday
Why didn't I noticed everything happening to you when you were alive

I ask myself the same question everyday
When I walk, before I sleep, most especially when I looked in the mirror
As I ask myself, blaming myself for not being there when you were hurting

I am your friend- I was your friend

Oh how I wish for you to see the sun rise once again
But there's nothing I can do, I am no god, I can never bring you back to life
I'm just a friend who never saw the scars on your soul

I regreted believing you when you said "Some dust got my eyes" one Tuesday night when you cried on the corner

I was a fool believing you when you said " I'm just feeling cold" wearing a thick sweater one summer morning

I was blind believing you were truly happy when your smile never reached your eyes when we laughed our jokes out

I thought I knew "too much" of you, but in reality I was oblivious of the "true" you, of the "whole" you. How stupid of me, right?

You're like a universe: so silent, so beautiful, yet still unknown to most, until your last breath.
Xaela San Feb 2019
Our memories

of hardships

and happiness

will be forever

alive in my poem.
Thank you friends. thank you. thank you so much for creating such memorable memories with me
Xaela San Nov 2018
A-N-X-I-E-T-Y, that's how you spell your name
When we meet you sweet talk me to your game
Anywhere I go, you go, when I run, you chase
Never letting me sleep in a peaceful place
As you held my body to the ground
And with your silent whispers I am bound;

A-N-X-I-E-T-Y, is how you spell your name
And all you can do is to mislead and tame
Me to listen and follow your whispering commands

Never letting me climb the ladder to my dreams
As you constantly cloud my head with your internal screams
Reminding me how worthless and incompetent
"myself" to the "world" I live in
Then never letting me move forward to where I wanted to be.
*own experience*
Xaela San Apr 2019
In a far distance land, away from humans
There you can see a great forest of beauty
A dense forest with moist green moss
And mighty trees stand proud in its green leaves
Under the warm breeze of the summer season;

If you go deeper unto the green land,
Beyond the tall trees and silence of the forest
You'll see a wondrous place a city can never offer
Because you'll see what nature's true beauty is;
There you can see diversity in animals and plants;

Somewhere into the forest, a creature can be seen
They are free to roam around in their own habitat
And as nighttime comes, they retreat to their homes
Into their own dens for shelter, protection and comfort
As they sleep and wait for the sun rises in the morning;

I honestly say they are truly a majestic creatures
Called Grizzly Bear also know as Brown Bear
They are species of mammals with interesting behavior
For they hunt and mate in the warm breeze
And hibernate in the cold winter season;

Grizzly Bear also have unique characteristics:
Because of the white tips found in their furs
Especially in the shoulders and back part,
It creates an illusion of being grizzled;
Hence the name Grizzly bear was given;

Grizzly Bears are omnivores, a plant and meat eater;
They are large, they are hunters, they can fish salmon;
They enjoy eating berries and nuts in the forest;
They are brown and huggable creatures
But don't dare hug them;

A Grizzly Mother Bears are great parents too
Like any devoted mothers, they teaches their young;
Mothers taught cubs to dig and hunt with their claws
Also how to stand up tall in their two legs!
Like how a adult Grizzly Bear living in the forest should be.
This is a random poem that is about Grizzly Bear which was a request from a friend. I hope you enjoy reading! And you can also comment any advice to make my writings improve :-). Because I'm still practicing my writing skills :). Thank you for reading!
Xaela San Feb 2020
It's hard to disconnect oneself
from the attachment of familiarity
one has built through the years.
Everything in college is overwhelmingly new. I found it difficult to adjust to another environment. New people. New place
.....

I miss my friends. The memories. The laughters... I miss their company...
If only I can always be with them
But this is life. Life must go on. We have our own paths. Dreams and goals in life.
Xaela San Jan 20
THE SUN GOES UP

AND THE FLOWERS
FACES THE SKY

WHILE THE BEES
SWARM WITH THE BREEZE

BRINGING NECTAR
IN THEIR LIPS

COLLECTING POLLENS
IN THEIR WINGS

BRINGING SPRING
IN THE HIVE'S FEAST.
I missed going outside where I can see nature.
Xaela San Aug 2018
Long time ago,
     I'm a nobody

But manage to
     become somebody

Because you let out
     the best of me.
Xaela San Dec 2018
To change this problematic world
Sacrifices must be paid
Not by corruption, bloodshed and conflict
But giving up personal selfish desires
And let us join together as one
To build a better nation to call our home
Xaela San Aug 2018
You can never run or hide from your greed
Twisted by your tainted hands of sins
For you are not afraid to rise your sword aimlessly

And mercy never crossed your pitiful mind
As you drown the innocent with their own anguish and blood

You have become someone your hateful soul molded
As you rise from the ashes of your once beautiful life
And destroyed the peace of the world

You have caused sufferings amongst the humankind
The world of people you once loved

Living like a demon
So much darkness
And so much numbness

You have lead your own blood lust world
I love Fantasy ♥♥ ^.^
Xaela San Aug 2018
Wish upon the stars

the flower I saw that day 

will stay blooming.
Xaela San Feb 2019
Looking ahead in this wonder

The sky is in its bluest glamour

Kissing the singing ocean in the horizon

As the wave dances in the warm bliss

Of the summer's fervidness passion.
My mind is filled with imagery of the ocean.
Xaela San Jan 2019
This bottled up
feelings
I want to throw it
to the ocean
and wait patiently
as it drift
towards him.
But
Xaela San Aug 2018
But
He
  said
      I was
         beautiful

But
  he
      didn't
           mean it.
Ten word story
Xaela San Jul 2018
You're like a cactus, whom needs no attention

You have created your own world ****** of thorns

And protected yourself with those sharp words;

You can survive even in times of drought and loneliness

Still, be able to bloom a flower out of your own creation

Yet I can never be with you without hurting myself

I can only appreciate your beauty afar

Though it may be hopeless, its not up to you

As a promise, I give to you my words

"I will always be there for you"

Though being with you only bring pain and sufferings

Please hear my plea and let me be with you

Let me be part of your narrative

And I promise to walk with you in the mist of danger

Together we will escape from the hell you've created.
Xaela San Aug 2018
I am
captivated
with your
smile

that shine
without
anyone to
define.
Xaela San Oct 2018
Like a foggy road

I can't see what's ahead

Only a sense of dread

In this quiet madness

Still keeps me walking

Without any sense of direction

Wondering if I can escape

This chaotic mind of mine.
Xaela San Jul 2018
It has been a long time since I know you

Years after years of friendship

Still everyday is a new discovery

- It was comforting


And it has been my familiarity to see your face

Like of those of your gentle smile

That have become my everyday view

From morning to the end of every day's session

- It was comforting


But nonetheless, I never knew I was slowly falling for it

Even in your mere presence

In your mere peaceful silence

- It was comforting


Reminiscing to those mementos

Of those times I spend with you

Keeps the butterflies in me out of control

- It was comforting

But I know it won't be for always.
because i hope this feelings to disappear
Xaela San Feb 2020
I want to talk to you
but I don't know what to say
maybe I just want your company?
I might really need some company???
Xaela San Jan 2020
If I'll tell you who I like then it will be a confession.
One sentence story
Xaela San Mar 2019
I'm not confident

For I am not the mirror

Of the people I hope to be
I'm unique but still I can't help myself to stop thinking of someone else
Xaela San Feb 2019
In the quitest corner of her bedroom
A woman stares back at the mirror
Wearing the latest dark lipstick on trend
With her near perfection sharp arced eyebrows
And her three inched high heels,

She stood there amazed yet unsatisfied
Not only on her outer being but also for her soul,
Even with all the planned efforts she made;
Regardless the sleepless nights of pure thinking;
Imagining possible outcomes for her definition of beauty

Unsatisfied she started to flip from pages to pages
Of magazines of models and celebrities in their best glamour
She imagined herself in those shoes and glamorous dresses
Gradually she added jewelry unto her bare skin
And painted her pale face with pink blush and mascara

She became a silent imitator, a copycat in other people's dictionary;
An imitation derived from the motivation for beauty
She saw upon the perfect photograph of a photoshopped model on the front page;
She have become so focus to others à la mode fashion
She failed to remember her own creative manners of beauty

This goes on and on and on, it felt like forever;
Then the once creative young lady became just like everyone else
Up to date with the latest beauty trends;
Just like everyone, it inevitably sugar coats her insecurities aside
And progressively concealing her own uniqueness.
Xaela San Feb 2019
She has been dancing

with him through out the years

but tonight

they are dancing strangers

in the spotlight.
Lovers into Strangers
Xaela San Apr 2019
I can feel in my soul tonight's cold again
In this household he builded
When he's the only one in control

My mind is going crazy
My pride, my dignity, gone missing
To the oblivion of his heartless body

I can't breath, I can't move,
I'm held frozen in his emotional prison
and physical trauma

I'm addicted to the feeling of freedom
I've created in my mind;
Wanting for more when he chained me
In his lustful embrace
Bruising my soul in every touch he made

I remember the rhythm of his breathing,
With the smell of drunken breath;
He whispered in my ears;
Closing my eyes;
Pulling my hair;
He said, "Oh darling, be a good marionette
to your husband"

I can't breath
I wanted to scream
I can't move I wanted to run
All I can hear is my heart racing;
I'm held frozen in his emotional prison
and physical trauma

Then he walked out of that door,
The door to my only freedom from his abuse,
But I don't have the key to set me free;

I couldn't deny I prayed in the dark
Facing to the Heaven
To set me free from the strings;

As if he is a Puppeteer
and I'm his little Marionette;
In a pull of the string,
I'll be the good doll ready for his command

I can't breath, I can't move,
I'm held frozen in his emotional prison
and physical trauma.
Domestic violence
Xaela San Jul 2018
Dear friend, do you still remember those days?

Of times walk side by side
Of times we laughed hysterically
Either it was under the grayest sky or in the hallways
As memories of anxiety and stress is put aside

Together with our comfortable silence
Makes a dreadful Monday morning memorable;

Seeing you my friend completes my day
You supported me to complete those games
You were there when others weren't

I hope you still remember, because I do
I remember those days we go out
Either for project making or for fun
Because those memories are the best!

I love those moments with you
I hope you like it too.
Xaela San Dec 2019
I think
I've found love from an unlikely source
I've found it from something simple

I've found it from a simple laughter
I've found it from a simple brush of our arms
I've found it from a simple good morning
I've found it from a simple curve of his lips

I think
I've found love from an unlikely source
I've found it from the way he acts

I've found it from the way he looks my eyes
I've found it from the way he hold my hands
I've found it from the way he walks slowly to match my pace
I've found it from the way he talks to me

I think
I've found love from an unlikely source
I've found it from how great of a person he is

I've found it from how he can remember the things I've said before
I've found it from how he can be strong in times of pain
I've found it from how confident he can be
I've found it from how caring and loving person he is

As cliche as it may sound  
I think I've found love from an unlikely source
I've found it in his flaws and
He's a great person, he doesn't know it yet.
"I thought my heart had learned its lesson
It feels so good when you start out
My head is screaming "Get a grip girl"
-I Won't Say (I'm In Love)
Alan Menken, David Zippel
Xaela San Nov 2019
Such
Pain
Of the
Broken heart
I carry within
For my heart assumes you're alive,
In reality you're buried six feet underground.
1,1,2,3,5,8,13 syllable
Xaela San Sep 2018
You said it was fine

and I did great

I can see clearly

I can feel deeply

the true feeling

the true meaning

of the voice

behind those words;

You were disappointed.
Xaela San Jan 2019
Looking at the left

Looking at the right

I am of need of distractions

A distraction to put distance

To my distorted mind.
I need distractions to avert myself from stresssss
Xaela San May 2020
Worry not

My ink is dried

No more poems

Concerning you
Xaela San Dec 2018
Dancing is an art of expression

A form of abstract impression

A heart's ravishing confession

Of a man's oppressed emotions
Dedicated to my cousin.
Xaela San Jan 2019
We are expressionist in our own actions and in our own words
You can speak, act and feel all those joy and misery you have
for there are a thousand ways to express one's self
sometimes we can't find the right words to convey our feelings
Don't be sad if you can't write your emotions in rhymes, a true poet is beyond that
You can be free in your own feelings, then
If you can't write it, why not dance it with the rhythm of your music
If you can't dance it, why not paint it with every stroke of your brush
If you can paint it, why not sing it with every syllable your tongue twisted
If you can't sing it, why not cry it with every tear your heart bleed
If you can't cry it, why not hug someone with all your might
and be with that person until you feel better
Everyone deserves to be free, to be happy and to be sad
And it up to you to be that expressionist of your own emotions
Xaela San Jul 2018
Do you still remember our starry nights?
And those ancient and beautiful sites?
Or our unforgettable little fights?
Cause those moments delights me,

Yet those moments will remain a memory
Kept and treasured somewhere in history
Cause what happened can never be undone
Fate, which can never be outrun

Losing you in my arms, I felt torn
Without you, the colors I see mourn
I wish this ungrateful fate faded
And our fate will remain in red.
Xaela San Dec 2018
Put on the filter to make myself better.
There are times I have used "camera" filters to hid my insecurities. To hid the fact that I don't see myself pretty, beautiful like other girls, and confident like other people.
Xaela San Nov 2019
If
Trees
Have voice
You'll hear cries
While the forest burns
Killing everything to ashes
Due to human ignorance and greediness for wealth.
1,1,2,3,5,8,13 syllable
Xaela San Dec 2018
Rain frozen in time
Is a nature's beauty
A phenomenon
Called freezing rain
It glazes the lonely road
Decorated the dead trees
And sparkles in the slightest light
Equivalently
Its beauty is a mask
Masking the hazard it hids
Freezing anything in its path
Even birds can't escape its wrath
Through the slightest touch
Leads you to a graceful death
Freezing rain is the name given to rain precipitation maintained at temperatures below freezing by the ambient air mass that causes freezing on contact with surfaces. Unlike sleet, a mixture of rain and snow, ice pellets, or hail, freezing rain is made entirely of liquid droplets. The raindrops become supercooled while passing through a sub-freezing layer of air hundreds of meters above the ground, and then freeze upon impact with any surface they encounter, including the ground, trees, electrical wires, aircraft, and automobiles. The resulting ice, called glaze ice, can accumulate to a thickness of several centimeters and cover all exposed surfaces. The METAR code for freezing rain is FZRA.

Source: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Freezing_rain
Xaela San Jul 2018
I wish I'm just dreaming
Seeing you with her
Filled of smiles and colors
I can't bear it to see no more

I wish I were her
In your arms, smiling
In your eyes, shinning
In your lips, melting

What ever I do
Not even a shooting star
Can change you and me;

It's hard to lie, but I'll try
To endure this silent pain

Because neither you know
Will you ever love me?

Will you ever look at me
The way you look at her?

"The truth will never change"

I love you so I'm letting you go
It's painful but that's all I can do

Because I'm a friend you know
I've become a beautiful mess, I'll never show
I'll make this bittersweet love unknown

Its hard but I'll send you rainbow
And warmth through the snow

"Till the end I'll be a friend to you."
"until the end I'll be a friend to him."
Xaela San Jul 2018
Closing my eyes, flashback starts to play;
Memories of strangers meeting
Each other the first time in the new beginning
As first impressions occupied their minds
But neither do they know what the future holds

For after sometime of getting to know each other

New friendships formed;
New possibilities to venture;
New memories to treasure;

A lot of things had help thrive there friendship stronger

There might be times of misunderstanding and arguments
Which drew a thin line of hate towards each other
Nonetheless at the end of the day, the bond is once again mend
It's a cycle, an inevitable cycle of hate and friendship

Still, along with time and through this old friendship
My love flourishes in the bottom of my heart
Never realizing it to happen- to myself
Even my mind can never comprehend
Of all this maturing feelings I now possess

Yet, I know very well he doesn't feel the same
He will always considered me nothing more than a friend
Until I learn to forget this feelings and move forward
For now, being by his side, that would be enough.
this love i possess, i hope he will never know
Xaela San Dec 2019
Spend a little more time looking in front than on the side
You might see something more beautiful than the things on the sidelines
Another realization
Xaela San Nov 2019
Shards
Of
Broken
Glass mirror
Spread across the floor
And the crimson blood flowing through
Letting out the unspoken words she carried before
1,1,2,3,5,8,13 syllable
Xaela San Jul 2018
At one time, I was alone on a cliff
Dangering my own lonely life;

Then in a swift moment in time
As if I felt the summer's touch
I turned around and saw you;

There you stood, filled with hurt
And a glint of indescribable smile

In such hurry, warm tears fell down

"I thought no one acknowledges me"

Thus, thank you for the handkerchief.
Xaela San Oct 2019
Shadows of unknown

Her demons she supposed

Slowly walking away

Footsteps becoming faint

She smiled

They're leaving her

Because she's healing.
Xaela San Sep 2018
I thought I've move on

But when you smile again

All those feelings, flows back

Hearing the tone of your laugh

Feeling the gentle of your touch

Like in the past my heart beats fast

Faster than the raging horses on a race

And suddenly I'm back to the day

When I first knew what love was

The first love you gave to me

A love never reached you

Until the end this love

Will always remain

Hidden away

From you.
The "feelings" kept coming back which makes me happy temporarily and then makes me realize that this love I'm "feeling" must always be kept hidden from him.

*Only through this poem will I be able to let go of this pilling up emotions out of me.

Thank you for reading!

**A secret love probably? :-(
Xaela San Feb 2020
My home is slowly becoming nothing but house.
Xaela San Sep 2018
My
    home
       is a
          paradise

Where I
    get the
         power
            to rise!
Xaela San Jul 2018
You're like a hot chocolate drink

You bring a chocolate smile tint on my lips

And warmth to my rainy days.
Xaela San Feb 2020
Our home can be our house,
but a house can't always be our home.
Does it make sense?
If
Xaela San Aug 2018
If
Because,
       if
ever you
     know

We'll
      never be
friends like
      before.
I like you.
          My heart
burns in
          the thought
of you.
Xaela San Jan 2020
As a girl
I have my own version
of a Prince Charming
Described as perfect;
Tall, handsome, flawless man

Yet as I got older
I opened my eyes to reality
And I saw him
Never like the perfect
Prince Charming
A little girl would dreamed of

He was flawed
in a beautiful way
And somehow broken
because of life

Just like that,
I like him the way he is
And who he is

The little girl I once before
would judge me now
She was naive and ignorant
But now she knows:

To love someone
One is required to look
passed the imperfections
And must understand
them wholly
To truly be able to love them.
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