Yes
I know everything you said to me
It was only meant as a joke
A joke that was not meant to be mine

Yet it was the truth
The truth that I knew
The truth I am experiencing
Deep in my conscience
Where I tried my hardest to keep it hidden to the prying minds

Those jokes;
As it hits me straight to my face
And burns my confidence to the ground

You can call me sensitive or emotional
But believe me I chose not to be affected
And still
The burn remained in my head

Like you said it was all just a joke
But
It was painful to hear
As it cause my heart to bleed

For the words (joke) you let go came out
From the mouth of the person I dear the most
The person who knows me more than anyone
Is you.

Knock- knock
         I'm knocking on your heart

Knock- knock
         Can you feel my hand reach unto your heart?

Knock- knock
          I've been knocking on your heart for so long

Knock- knock
         It seems I'm not welcome in your heart.

I thought to be able to know myself
I should be able to hear it
from other people's mouth
and that's where I am wrong

Because knowing "me"
is my responsibility to discover
Not the other way

They say I'm strong willed person, relaxed, or composed and happy most of the time
And when I lie- "I'm fine" they'll believed without a doubt
Yes it may seem so, but because its all about mastering
The delicacy of the craftsmanship of my outer being
Then pretending and masking is the result of my handmade effort;

All of it was and all of it will, is a product of my lachrymose heart
To let people believe what I want them to believe of me
Even if molding myself into someone I do not wish to become

But was it worth it? But will it be worth it?

Regret may sometimes be inevitable and cunning
As it kills my sleep and peace of mind to an oblivion
With over thinking of the possible reasons to destroy this best mask I wear
And put to an end to this lachrymose heart that controls my whole being;

Though I want to be honest, be the hurted person I truly am;
Though I want this pain in my heart be manifested through tears;
But even if it do fall down, no one notices, no one see my pleas

All the time I'm just here pretending to be fine
Never letting a single tear from my lachrymose heart cry.

Its late night now
Its dark and cold too
Yet here I am on my balcony
Wrapping my own body with a blanket;

Once again I am indulged in my own thoughts
As I stare into the starry night
And hope it won't disappear into the thick clouds;

Wandering as I go back to those times
When I was innocent and young and selfish
Never did I knew how grateful I am to have you;

I was oblivious- you were there always
Asking and making sure I was feeling fine
Whether it was physically or emotionally
Like you said once:

"I'll be here waiting- for moral support"

You were there-
You knew I was lying when you ask if I was fine
When I said:

"I am fine" with a broken smile

Yet you stayed and made sure I was to go home with a cheerful smile
You stayed and we talked for a while- oohhh we bought ice cream at that time too!

You were there-
When the time it was raining and I didn't brought my umbrella
And you lend me yours
And you walked- almost like running on the street
As the raindrops blur your vision

I was so grateful

Such wonderful memories!
And its still strong and going!

Going back to those times- even at this times
Makes me go crazy!
We're friends- and I don't want to confuse myself
With such sweet gestures.... With love

Because I don't know.....

Heroes born as history makers yield the past
With conquest to invoke for the present;
Though they died as reluctant heroes
Yet with those sacrifices brought legends in the future.
Heroes who thought to die in vain
His name shall be remembered as legendary yielders
Who with every blood he bleed, and tears he cried
Shall be a proclamation of our freedom of those chains
For the future we hold today.

Like a closed book he speaks nothing

But being judge with empty reasons

And still walks upright in the streets

Without realizing emotional pain drawns him

As clouds of words clouded his mind

Rain started to fall down his eyes

Self doubting has begun, untill his silence

Become unbearable noises of screeching cries

Those words that slowly swallowing his confidence;

He couldn't lied for he know it's affecting him;

For everytime the nights come, those words, burns him,

It's killing him deep until the day has come

The last petal falls also did his beating heart.

Listen,
    Think,
         and Speak!
              
Is the steps
           to answer

So don't just
      waltz your lips!
           
It's not a dancer.

He was looking for a princess
Instead, what he found is me
A geek, a nerd- a book lover person
I am an imperfect girl
I am silent most of the time
But I made him speechless
When I open my mouth
And welcome him to my world.

Love can be a beautiful thing
Promising and worth fighting

Or

Love can be a beautiful lie
A mistake worth a goodbye

"I didn't authorize
you to come into my life"

I didn't let anybody
too close into my life
But you?
You've beat all odds

And you know what's funny?
You came without a plan
- so unprepared 
You came stumbling and stuttering
Whenever you see me;

Then one day
I realize you being interwined with me

"You came to ruin my predestined fate!
-or so I supposed

Because you keep on pushing and dragging me out my comfort zone
Little by little did you break my walls down;

And you told me as you point my window:

"That close glass window will never let you see the whole picture or let you hear those beautiful music of laughter that the world can offer!"

I was speechless most of the time
You were the who keeps on talking
Talking me out this wall I made to isolate myself from the world;

But as time pass I spend with you,
You made me come out my door and explore the real world

With your smiles and "humourless" jokes- but nonetheless it made me laugh;

"Because -
If it weren't for you
You'll never be mine
And I'll never be yours".

I'm not "smart" like them.

I'm not "bright" as them.

I'm not "confident" like them.

I'm not "beautiful" as them.

I'm not "someone" like them.

Can you just accept that?

I don't like crying myself anymore

-Said myself in the mirror.

I want to unchain this torturous strings
Strangling every hope I insist to have
In the life I thought I owned for a lifetime
But I was wrong, this life was never been mine
It is to the monsters whispering inside my mind
Chaining every part of me
Tainting my soul to black
Yet, even if they reside inside of me
I don't own them, they own me;
Every night they sing to me lullabies of hatred
Never letting me see the light the world offers
Those monsters will never stop taunting me
Until I learn to find a way to end this life.

In my life
Through those years and years of existence
I spend in this world

Gave me an important lesson
a lesson which I hold dearly
that nothing in this world
is permanent

I learned it through my experiences in life
I learned it through the people who left
but still remained in my memories
and brought about reasons and
lessons to keep for me;

And I also learned it to those little things

Like:

I learned that nothing in
this world is permanent
is when my mother
was angry
to me

Yet
in no time those anger disappeared
in the thin air
like streams of smoke evaporating
to the clouds

Even in my past friendships
those friends I thought would last forever will just end up like strangers
When I thought I can be with them
I realized nothing in this world is permanent

Even like those flowers
those beautiful flowers blooming
in the spring garden will just
wither under the sunrise
and fall down together
with the raindrops.

In my life, never did I've regretted my decisions
For I knew what I was doing to my life
Or at least I pretended to;

Now, those simple plea of my Mother years ago
All those advices and sweet words, I've never listened
Came crashing every faith I have in me
Drowning me in realizations

Why did I not listened to her?
What have I done to myelf- to my life?

The inevitable is now clear
Those stubbornness I possess
Leaded me to my story now- lost and helpless;

For never did I knew I've lost my path back home
When I kept on chasing after dead dreams my heart seeks- without looking back;
And never listened to the words of wisdom my Mother partaken for me;

Now, having no accomplishments only regrets
I slowly drift back to the place my heart belongs
Where my Mother awaits for my return
And welcomes me once more.

As I close my eyes I felt the summer's breeze
And it made my heart at ease;

I don't know where his mind is wondering now
Yet I can hear his heartbeat somehow
Making music in the air
As he stand near unaware
Of his smiles that brought delight
To this young Maiden's sight

Yet I know this emotions of love I'm feeling
Will never be conveyed to his unwavering heart
Because I can feel in the sight of his eyes
Endless mountains and skies

That one day fate will lead him to his destiny
And I'll remain nothing but a piece of his journey.

Pretending that your feelings doesn't exist is one of the worst punishment a man can do to himself.

Tranquility in the silence of the evening

A maiden walks in the garden with her night gown

Illuminating moonlight touching her bare face

She reminiscence her almost forgotten past

While thinking deeply, her thoughts influenced her mind

As stories of the past unfold before her eyes

The unreachable past can be felt in the heart

Chapters of her life, feelings hidden, resurfaced

Sweet as a nectar from blooming flowers of spring

A story where tears are evidence of sorrow

Memories serene like the quiet winter's night

Joy and sadness she experienced made her now

This brought upon a faint smile in her once frowned lips.

I'm
  not
    mad

I'm
   just
     sad.

Chemistry:
It is in your kitchen, the way you cook your food
Either it was boiling water for the soup
grilling your favorite steak for tonight's dinner
frying french fries for the kids, for this afternoon's snack or
simply freezing leftover foods for tomorrow's breakfast
and on rare occasions, burning your food to coal
turning your fire alarms on!

Biology:
It is in your garden, the way you fertilized your soil
through the help of those little squishy Earth worms
and other organic fertilizers
like leftover decomposing food
Either it was for planting ornamental plants
to decorate your dull backyard or
it was for planting your favorite vegetables
to make your family healthy and save money!

Physics:
It is in your children's behavior Example!
The way your child tantrum
Toys like Cars, Teddy bear, Barbie, Lego
blocks, *****, anything a child can hold
can by be thrown away in a perfect projectile
landing it to your favorite vase causing it to fall
with the strong impact the vase broke into a thousand pieces
And as much as you want to punish your child
but you love them so much you let it slide this time!

Magnetism:
It is in the compass you hold
A pointed needle pointing to the direction your heart seek
Whether it is to the North, East, West or to the South part of the world
It will help you find your desired destination
when the Sun refuses to shine under the grayest sky
when the clouds hid the North star tonight
when you lost your way, scared in the midst of the forest
or when you gone astry floating in the Caribbean sea
Somehow with this simple mechanism
guides you to the place you belong, somewhere you'll call your home.

Astronomy:
It is in the night sky where Stars of different colors shines
Marveling each spectator in wonder as it twinkles its way to their eyes

Astronomy:
It is in the passing Comet above, mistaken as falling star by dreamers
As they wish upon the star to make one's desired dream come true.

Hydrologic cycle:
It is in the raining clouds of the sky
Falling downwards like a man falling to his knees
Yet, besides the pain of hardships weighting his soul
Through the sunshine of hope and grace from heaven
He will rise to his freedom from the cracks in the ground and start over again.

Let me tell you a secret nobody knows

I'm insecure, I hate myself, I don't see myself pretty, I'm a mess
Mess up in the head
Standing in front of you, my mind keeps on running and running and running away
From logic and reason I wish I have now

I'm under this great pressure I made myself
I can't lift it up, it just keep on, in on, in on crashing every faith in myself
and chain every part of me
Blinding my eyes
Sealing my mouth
Killing me slowly inside
And I can't breath seeing my reflection in the mirror
I'm sick of it

I keep on saying, I keep on screaming
I keep on crying, I keep on wishing
I keep on praying to be like them
but even the shooting star can't change that

How do you run from what's in your head?

I can't free myself from my insecurities
I'm embarrassed, I've become a mess, I've become a hater
It keeps on destroying myself inside
and I can't take it out of my mind

Every second, every minute, every moment of my life
Is slowly becoming something my jealousy made
I started to hate myself
I started to hate the people I'm jealous of

Because I want to be like them  
Pretty, Confident, Intelligent, Proud and Shinning
Everything I ever wanted, but I can never be like them, I can never be them
I'm like an unfit puzzle piece of the society I want to fit in

My jealousy, my insecurities made me into someone I despise
Hatred for myself runs in my veins
Everything I stand for just disappeared into the oblivion
like bubbles disappearing  into the thin air

And I'm becoming trap in my own twisted world without realizing it
As it drowns me, pulling me with its current to the darkness of my tainted mind
Its just a matter of time I might breakdown

Everyday I keep on telling myself be strong, be strong, be strong
stop being insecure, but I don't have the strength to do it
I don't have the courage to tell it to my friends, to my family
I'm dying inside- I want them to see through me
and when I lie - I'm fine they'll believe it without a doubt

I want to share it to the world, but I can't help myself to lie, to push everyone away - I've become a fool
I know it sounds crazy, I myself don't know why
I just want people to realize I need help without me telling them

I want them to save me from my own tainted mind full of insecurities

I want you to save me from my own tainted mind full of insecurities

Can you do it?
Because I can't.