I saw you leaving, I saw the light go out.
Now, My house is haunted by wrong desire,
And on my skin is left the scent of betrayal.

For every one of your depicting lies the truth lay underneath it.
paint me a portrait of how happy we were supposed to be,
An oil paining perhaps of how our forsaken  lives were seen as mellow gold.

A painful affair,
Ghost lover extrordinare,
Our fate was never bound to live forever,
But, with you I would've together.

The stars were up above in your eyes,
Beneath the clouds of an October night,
I saw you on the side walk bleeding,
Sickened by the thought of leaving.

From that dream I awoke to find that you were no longer sleeping by my side,
But my dream had become a reality,
And you had really left me.

My house is haunted by the ghosts of you,
More than one, more than a few.
I sleep in a bed that's too full to move in,
But everyone else sees it as empty.
They don't know how you scarred me,
How your ghosts will always follow me.

Goodbye,
Goodnight,
I won't be sleeping tight.

We walked the narrow path,

Beneath the smoking skies.

Sometimes you can barely tell the difference
Between darkness and light.


Do you have faith
 In what we believe?

The truest test is when we cannot  see.

I hear pounding feet In the streets below,
and the women crying,

And the children know that there's something wrong,
The sun rises a golden sunset over the horizon of the nights broken promises,
And the children marvel at its beauty.


it can't rain all the time.

The sky won't fall forever.

And though the night seems long,
Your tears won't fall forever.

when I'm lonely,
 I lie awake at night,

And I wish you were here.

I miss you.

Can you tell me
 there is something more to believe in?

Or is this all there is?

the window breaks and a woman falls,
there's  something wrong,
it's so hard to believe that love will prevail.




Last night I had a dream.

You came into my room,
You took me into your arms.

Whispering and kissing me,
And telling me to still believe.

But then the emptiness of a burning sea 
Against which we see our darkest of sadness took over me,

Until I felt safe and warm.

I fell asleep in your arms.

When I awoke I cried again for you were gone.
can you hear me?

Of course you can't,
You're dead and gone,
I Have to let go,
Despite how much I love you,
I'm living in the past,
And killing my future.

I don"t want to be awake again,
I spend my days with my head in my hands.
If I go outside I"ll fall apart.
I am mostly scared of passing time,
the world it seems gets more unkind.
Inevitable tragedy will soon be mine.

I am looking for an easy place,
to mask my thoughts behind my face.
Oh brown baked column of victory.
Maybe I should just pack up and run away again,
and let you forget that you where once my friend.
Then watch another go on and do better without me.

But I could not go away, not if I wanted to.
I can hide from friends but I cannot hide from you.
These chemical reactions are dividing me.
Self-deprecating thoughts are interrupting all the time,
emphasizing all the traits that I wish weren"t mine.

They speak louder than everybody
I try to keep my eyes closed as my outlook isn"t bright,
compulsively complaining when I haven"t got the right.

I hate the way that I think and act.
I want to end reality but I feel hesitant,
optimistic that the future will be more concerned than the present,
and so for today I"ll remain intactz

I'm a mountain that has been moved,
I'm a river that is all dried up,
I'm an ocean nothing floats on,
I'm a sky that nothing wants to fly in.
I'm a sun that doesn't burn hot,
I'm a moon that never shows it's face,
I'm a mouth that doesn't smile,
I'm a word that no one ever wants to say.

if the sky opened up and started pouring with rain,
The antichrist sent back on judgement day,
Would you be alright?
Would you survive,
Would you even be saved?

Take all of your sins and burry them fast,
Pray that they turn into seeds,
And then into roots and grass.
So that you'd be alright,
You wouldn't be alright,
He can see the graves.

You'll never be saved.

the crack of ice beneath a footstep as light as a feather,
how thin the ice?


albino child,
******* daughter.
white hair, red eyes, outcast,
no one wants her.

she's graceful, and kind,
her beauty is fulfilling enough to curse you blind,
though who would see it?
no one wants a ******* daughter.

so she will grow alone,
and die alone,
no family to love,
no place to call home.

no funeral,
no burial,
no tombstone.

just death.

I'm here all by myself
These white walls have personalities, my heart is starting to melt.
so I smoke ****** from a pipe,
My lungs are rust
Take a line of Coke,
My brain is dust from all of these drugs.

I can't think straight,
I'll walk the plank.
I'll Spill my blood so sharks will come and Devour my broken bones whole.

In between hell and Earth I walk the line of the silver blade against my thigh,
My body is alive but my mind won't survive.

I feel a galaxy's worth of emotions,
Dump me in the ocean,
I'm drowning again
i can't any longer pretend that I am  my own friend.

If a gunman threatened me, I'd tell him to feel free to shoot me,
I don't want to be alive.
each day I struggle to survive, snorting 6 or 7 lines a day to keep my suicidal thoughts away.

to die in the ocean would be so beautiful.
any form of death would be.

In a crypt for the undead
Turmoil awakens
And you cannot even let me rest
In the grave you burried me alive in
I don’t want to remember you
But your ghost dances
around my head
And I’m stuck here forever in this tomb for the undead
will you ever let me sleep?
I feel like I’m living i  n        A        D   r   e  a  m

like a cat thats not yet used to its claws,
i'll hurt anyone who i try to adore.
i'll leave engravements on your back,
if you try to love me.

i may be stretched out naked over your floor,
i don't want to open your mind, i want you to open your jaw.
make me feel loved, hasn't it been long enough?

i forget how your skin felt,
how close you used to pull me,
time was against us,
with your love you would hold me.

a feeling of being wanted, i don't remember it now.
i want to feel you inside me, but you're buried in the ground.

Some people say my love cannot be true,
Please believe me, and I'll show you.
I will give you those things that you thought were unreal.
The sun, the moon, the stars all Are my beings.


Now I have you with me, under my power
Our love grows stronger now with every hour
Look into my eyes, you will see who I am
My name is Lucifer, please take my hand.

This debilitating cynicism leaves me throwing fists,
blindly, unkindly I deliberately hide so that you cant find me.

Unmentionable, the seeking of attention that we require,
and I impede my own desires with a silent fear of fire.

Hold me higher than your loved ones,
mask my bad intentions.
I wish I was as pure as my lustless suggestions.

You try to fall, I’ll hold you back.
I surround  myself with your artifacts.
My mind wanders with a sense of urgency.
I watched you fade away from me.

I discreetly try to imbibe the origins of your resentment.
Above me you reside as I strive for mere acceptance.

Escaping dignity, I ruined the bridges I built,
and bruised by your excuses I melancholicly  wilt,
condemned by a guilt that I can’t abandon, My love  for you is more than a fandom.

I’ve derobed your more times with my eyes than you have with your paws,
Our time together was macabre, Showing all of our flaws.

Salt In the air, sand in our hair, water lapping at our feet, God, you make me feel weak.

I can't live without you, you are my oxygen, you're my tree of life, my ever lasting.

I can't see a brighter day, without you in my life, you take away my pain, and all of my strife.

My worries leave me when I hold you dearly, I never want to let you go. My ever lasting.

your light will shine when all else fades.
Now the sun is beaming down, and our hearts are becoming one, you are my life and my mind. I love you infinitely.

My everlasting.

My body is a portrait of pain and despair,
The marks that it displays are because you are no longer there.
My skin is pale and my eyes are blue, icy and cold since I left you.

It was a Wednesday morning, rainy and snowy,
7:00am and I left in a hurry,
I didn't want to go, but I had to leave you alone,
You were never happy with me, it was clear to see.

I left a note, it said "I'll be back in 5",
I always wonder if you're still waiting for that moment to arrive.

The second line read "I'll love you until I'm dead" and I also wonder if you really knew what that meant.

I travelled around, streets and towns, until I found a new place to go.
Although, without you here, it'll never be home.

I miss you and love you, and I always will do.
But present day, things have changed; my notes are scattered over your grave.

You died in such a terrible way,
When I left you had been dead for 10 days,
You were a mirage of my imagination,
i kept your memory alive,
As long as I could to make you survive.

When I close my eyes,
All I seem to find,
Is the memory of you,
So pure and true.

The last thing you said to me was
"I love you unconditionally"
And I kissed you goodbye,
And never again saw you alive.

I sleep next to your ghost,
It's the one thing that I love the most,
You'll always live on,
In my memories and songs.

I love you,
I love you,
My heart belongs to you,
Keep it near and close,
The one I love the most.

heartbreak has  changed me,
i was crazy for you,
it's a sad world we were raised in,
They let us fade into something new.

No more sad songs,
No pain, no separation,
Strung out on memories, rest beneath the leaves.

"Someday" never came so I keep waiting,
I will go to sleep still believing.

No more sad poems,
Nothing anticipated
Days come and go without saying goodbye.

No more sad cigarettes,
I owe the world nothing,
I've been strung along too long to really care.

No more sad love,
I will serve no purpose,
I love everyone that I have ever known.
I lost everyone that I have ever loved.

I'm scared to get close and I hate being alone.

I long for that feeling to not feel at all.

The higher I get, the lower I'll sink.

I can't drown my demons, they know how to swim.

You're So close no matter how far,
You Couldn't be closer to my heart,
We're Forever trusting who we are,
And nothing else matters.

I've Never felt this way,
Life is ours, we live it our way.
All these words I Never usually say,
And nothing else matters.

Trust I seek and I find it in you,
Every day for us is something new,
I have an Open mind for a different view,
And nothing else matters.

I cry and no one can hear, In hell.
The blinded eyes that see The chaos.
Bring the pitiful to me,
Even though I'm wide-awake, all I see is blackest night.
i wait for you.
It's  cold in here there's no one left.
I knew, I'd cherish all my misery alone

I cry and cry for you
The Ghosts that haunt you with their sorrow,
I cried because  you were doomed,
Praying to the wound that swallows All that's cold and cruel.
Can you see the trees, charity and gratitude.
It's black in here blot out the sun,
Our misery runs wild and free
And i knew, the fire and the ashes of his grace,
Would die the same day as my ever lasting face.

You are calm and reposed
Let your beauty unfold
Pale white, like the skin stretched over your bones
Spring keeps you ever close
You are second-hand smoke
You are so fragile and thin, standing trial for your sins
Holding on to yourself the best you can
You are the smell before rain
You are the blood in my veins

I hate being so anxious that you’re falling for someone else because they complimented your hair and the way you like to dress.


I hate being so worried that you’re going to be in a hurry to leave me without a warning.


I hate being so scared that you’ll forget the love we shared and look for it with somebody else. 


I hate being so paranoid that you won’t come home one night and that you’ll be in another girls bed. 


But I guess I signed up for this, I knew my own minds tricks, despite this I still agreed to try my best  to trust you.

God I wish I knew what goes on inside your head

A psych ward is the place to be,
Come along, and you will see.
You'll be welcomed by forgotten silent deaths
and torturous screams.
An everlasting place of a need to be free.

Come on down to the "freak show",
We'll show you how we rock and roll,
Some say that we're unhinged,
But trust me honey, the fun is about to begin.

A lobotomy a day keeps the schizophrenia away they say,
An electric chair isn't the cruelest thing there,
By far it is knowing that you are not crazy, amongst a world that is.

We'll dance for you, we do it well.
But if we don't, torture will make it amends.
We sit here day on day, hoping for freedom,
Uncanny, unlikely, and an impossible dream.

A  psych ward is the place to be,
We'll grow old here and die a forgotten death,
The music is still playing,
The patients are still dancing,
This is my last day.

So come on down to our freak show, join our family, we'll show you how to rock and roll,
And die insanely.

Stare infinitely into the looking glass,
I see a face that's not my own,
Eyes that aren't human,
Lips that move without my intention.

My eyes are plagued with tears,
Flowing down my cheeks,
Madness seeps out of every pore,
I laugh at the reflection of what I see,
For it's not me.

I found your tshirt on my bedroom floor, it's the only evidence that you've been here before.

I don't get waves of missing you anymore, they're more like tsunami tides in my eyes.

Never getting dry,
So I get high,
Smoke away the days, never sleep with the light on
Weeks pass in the blink of an eye
And I'm still drunk at the end of the night

I don't drink like everybody else
I do it to forget things about myself
Stumble and fall
With the head spin I got,
My mind's with you but my heart's just not

I Sleep with my thoughts
And I dance with my views.
Like our last kiss. It was perfect,
we were nervous on the surface.

And I'm always saying everyday that it was worth it,
Pain is only relevant if it still hurts
I forget like an elephant
Or we can use a sedative
And go back to the day we fell in love just on our first kiss

But maybe I just fell in love when you woke me up.

How do you come to terms with the fact that the person you love is dead?
How do you accept that you'll never see them again?
How do you find something to live on for?
Because I'm struggling to see the light and the future to go on for.

I know you'd never want me to feel this way because you're gone,
But since you left all of my happiness has left too.

I hope one day I'll see you again,
But until then I'll hold on to our memories my friend.

I bow my head.
We sing in memory, songs that he loved.
I look around, everyone's in black.
It's like a big hole swallowing me,
And I can't get out.

I hear ladies sobbing, babies crying,
And faint screams in the distance,
Everything is blurred.

I smell fresh flowers and old women's perfume.
I feel the urge to scream, to scream as loud as I can.
To scream at the top of my lungs,
"Please don't be gone".
But I don't.
I keep it in, repeadtedly resciting it in my head.

I look around again,
Everything's gone.
It's just me, alone at his grave.
It always was, and it always will be.

They say that he talked to Angels,
And maybe I do too.

love
i am love
i am all
i am small
i can feel
this is real
this is all i know
this all
i am old
and i am well off
and i don't know myself
this is all
i can sing
but i can't read you
yeah i don't want to know you
not at all
leave me be
yeah let me see you
for what you really are
not a ghost
of some beauty
that i can't deal with
not for a little while
or at all

Run to the river, and take off all of your clothes,

no one is there to see that you're only made of skin and bones.

Doesn't it hurt not sleeping, and starving yourself every day?

Run to the river, and wash all of your pain away.

Down by the river by the boats
Where everybody goes to be alone

Where you won't see any rising sun
Down to the river we will run.

I walk to the borders on my own
To fall in the water just like a stone

Chilled to the marrow in them bones
Why do I go here all alone

I can tell by the pain in your eyes, you never go to the riverside.

Run away, child,
Don't let me in,
I'm a demon,
I'm a devil,
I'll teach you how to sin.

Run away, little son,
Don't look into my eyes,
They are black-blue, they are deadly,
And full of dangerous lies.

Run away, little daughter,
Before your mind I will slaughter,
My existence knows no love,
I was expelled from above.

You can never run away,
Your mind is my slave,
I will haunt you until you die,
Never to leave your side.

Run away, child.
While you're still alive.

Run away, child,
Don't let me in,
I'm a demon,
I'm a devil,
I'll teach you how to sin.

Run away, little son,
Don't look into my eyes,
They are black-blue, they are deadly,
And full of dangerous lies.

Run away, little daughter,
Before your mind I will slaughter,
My existence knows no love,
I was expelled from above.

You can never run away,
Your mind is my slave,
I will haunt you until you die,
Never to leave your side.

Run away, child.
While you're still alive.

Run away, child,
Don't let me in,
I'm a demon,
I'm a devil,
I'll teach you how to sin.

Run away, little son,
Don't look into my eyes,
They are black-blue, they are deadly,
And full of dangerous lies.

Run away, little daughter,
Before your mind I will slaughter,
My existence knows no love,
I was expelled from above.

You can never run away,
Your mind is my slave,
I will haunt you until you die,
Never to leave your side.

Run away, child.
While you're still alive.

I inked my skin with your name,
As you swore you wouldn't play the game,
Russian roulette,
As good as you could get,
But there was someone who was better yet.

Spin the bottle,
Load up the gun,
And tell yourself  it's only a bit of fun.

The future can't be real,
If the deal is not sealed,
A debt you will pay,
For playing this game.

Spinning,
Spinning,
Round and round,
It lands on you as you bow your head to the ground.

Pick up the gun,
It's no longer fun,
Death is calling,
You're slowly falling.

Bang,
The shot was perfect,
Right through your skull,
As if It was worth it.

You fell to the floor,
I ran out of the door,
Never to return to our place we called "home".

It wasn't a game of roulette,
It was our series of events,
You killed yourself,
Due to the sadness that you felt.

So this is my spin on things,
I'll pour a glass and admit my sins,
Before I join in,
With your game of Russian roulette.

I inked my skin with your name,
As you swore you wouldn't play the game,
Russian roulette,
As good as you could get,
But there was someone who was better yet.

Spin the bottle,
Load up the gun,
And tell yourself  it's only a bit of fun.

The future can't be real,
If the deal is not sealed,
A debt you will pay,
For playing this game.

Spinning,
Spinning,
Round and round,
It lands on you as you bow your head to the ground.

Pick up the gun,
It's no longer fun,
Death is calling,
You're slowly falling.

Bang,
The shot was perfect,
Right through your skull,
As if It was worth it.

You fell to the floor,
I ran out of the door,
Never to return to our place we called "home".

It wasn't a game of roulette,
It was our series of events,
You killed yourself,
Due to the sadness that you felt.

So this is my spin on things,
I'll pour a glass and admit my sins,
Before I join in,
With your game of Russian roulette.

There's so much to be sad about,
How can anyone be happy?

Eyes like emeralds, shine in the light,
Sad green eyes, but a smile so bright.
Long dark hair, she was so fare, but they didn't see what was really there.

At night she cries, eyes filled with tears as bitter as your lies.
Now She cuts her skin with your  silables of slaughter that made the words "you are my light".

You made her feel so special, now her skin is cold once more. Soon she will be lifeless, dead on the bathroom floor.

this was never a fair game, but you knew just how to play, she didn't know of your wicked tricks and ways.

but she loved you all the same.

The nights are hard to get through,
So much sadness.

My ribbons are tattered and torn,
My hair is in a tangle,
My eyes they stare a thousand miles
My chest is a ball of brambles.


Here in the hell between
I meet  The devil and the deep blue sea.

I swallow hard to clear the thorns
A ****** Metallic taste is rising,
And from my mouth, a crimson tear
Adoring and despising.

The devil with his uneasy eyes,
The deep blue sea's unsung surprise.
It's fight or flight, sink or swim
And so I let the games begin.

The jury nod, the death knell rings,
I gaze into the cold abyss.
My sentence called, the words unclear
And in a foreign language.


Circles I can't leave,
They'll Drown me as I weep
I'll Sleep forever sleep
Take me to the deep.

schizophrenia is back.

I talk to the creature sat at the end of my bed,
He takes his hands and places them on my head,
I cry into his palms,
He is humble,
He is kind,
The only vision that has been in the whole of my life.

I tell him my troubles,
My worries,
My pain,
He whispers and tells me to keep being sane.

I tell him I lost my mind a long time ago,
He says
"Oh my dear, no.  You are the one who's sane amoung a world that is crazy. Take this your gift and let your life flow."

He tucks me into bed,
Wipes my eyes,
Tells me to never believe anyone's lies,
He leaves me now,
Walks away,
I close my eyes,
And drift away.

After a lifetime of "my gift" giving me grief,
Pain, despair, and broken belief,
The creature he showed me,
That not all is bad,
There is hope still,
maybe I'm really not mad.

I am suppressed by my own thoughts
And depressed by your actions,
You never practiced what you taught,
Only using small fractions.

I think too much,
And I sleep too little,
I am cold to touch,
And my words are a riddle.

I drink black coffee,
And I smoke like a chimney,
No one will stop me,
You'll never pin me.

There is a place in my mind,
It's dark and un alive,
It's not that hard to find,
Although, it really makes me thrive.

I struggle without you here,
It's so cold it's severe,
I try to keep clear of the prison gates,
We are both destined to different fates.

She was oxygen,
But toxic,
Purified but nostalgic,
Transparent but also  hard to read.

She was ice water,
Infused with a dime and a quarter,
Costing you to live,
But somehow always keeping you alive.

She was a sunset in black,
A night sky in red,
She spread her thoughts all over your bed,
When she breathed you felt diseased,
And always had the need; to tell her she is beautiful.

You stare when she's not looking,
And stare when she is,
No matter what, you know exactly who she is.
You know everything about her,
Hair and eye colour,
And every single suicidal thought that she had ever had.

You were intertwined with her;
Back street lovers,
Making A ship out of a wreck of two denying hearts and minds.

Silence won't defend us in the sacred wars of our minds,
Time holds the only key to how we might survive.

A deafening screech won't keep us safe from whatever is under our beds,
stars are the ones who lost their sanity, their minds and their heads.

Oak tree, old and bold,
Green are his leaves,
Brown is his soul.
His mind is wise,
From the beginning of time,
He stood,
He stands,
In His secret society's shrine.

A river that runs red,
A blood clot causes death,
The wind cries,
Time flies,
Then slows down
And passes by.

Dreams were not made for this,
Nothing was.

There is a light that never goes out,
It burns bright in the darkest part of  night,
Your eyes glistened in the moonlight's sonata,
There was silence felt, even despite the laughter.

Third dimensional,
I see you,
You are gold,
You are not silver;
Silver is me;
Like me you could never be,
That's why we didn't work,
I still feel the hurt,
Tell me the truth about why the Stars have to die to burn?
It's like people,
No one notices,
Until they're gone.


Silver is not Gold.
It never could be.

Baby blue
And posie pinks
Intertwined with orange tints
Fill the heavens
For all to see
But especially
For you and me!

Golden rays that end the day
As the sun sets and travels away
We sit on opposite sides of the earth
Marvelling at gods mighty works

And through the dark days the sunlight thrives
How you’re here with me despite thousands of miles
How this moment is so precious and real
And how I’m always here for you to tell me how you feel.

Tonight we’re under similar skies,
And tonight I bared a beaming smile,
Because I know in this world I am never alone,
For I have you, my safety, my friend, my comfort zone.

Let the orange tones warm you,
And let the pinks fill your cheeks,
Let the blues be in your eyes,
So beautiful and unique.
Let this sky be a sign that we were always meant to meet,
And let this poem be a memory that we can always keep.

Tonight we were under similar skies;
Despite the hundred thousand miles,
Tonight I know we were together at heart,
Tonight I realised,
We’ll never be apart.

Every sunset was made for you.
You are god

The sirens and the sergeants dont seem to mean a thing,
Take my hand, show me the way, we are the children that fell from grace,
we are the children that can't be saved.

One more nail in the coffin, one more foot in the grave,
One more time I'm on my knees as I try to walk away from your grave.

But this has got the best of me, and I can't seem to sleep,
I've come to realise that it's not because  you're not with me, it's because  your ghost never leaves.

Everything I've loved became everything I lost

Lately I've been measuring,
It Seems that my time is growing thin,
Wind me up and watch me spin.

I'm just skin and bones

All worn out and nothing fits
Brennevin and cigarettes
The more I give the less I get
But I'm all set,

To be just skin and bones.

Don't listen to the pressure,
Who even said that skinny is better?
Those magazines and tv shows?
Being hateful is money and money is what they want.
So they will hate every minute of the day to make sure that their pay isn't going away.

Propaganda that visible bones is better,
Lies that skipping a meal is alright,
And teaching little girls that with their weight
They will always have to fight.

This is not how we were created to be,
We are all beautiful internally.
Don't listen to the pressure,
Skinny really isn't better.

We sprawled across your double bed for days on end,
Watching movies and eating Chinese food,
We cuddled and hugged,
But we never once kissed.

I wondered why you didn't want to kiss me,
And couldn't think of a reason why,
Until I realised that you, just like me, a few months before, just needed somebody to hold.

I love you, I never even kissed you goodbye.