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2.7k · Jan 2017
schizophrenia is back
Eloi Jan 2017
schizophrenia is back.

I talk to the creature sat at the end of my bed,
He takes his hands and places them on my head,
I cry into his palms,
He is humble,
He is kind,
The only vision that has been in the whole of my life.

I tell him my troubles,
My worries,
My pain,
He whispers and tells me to keep being sane.

I tell him I lost my mind a long time ago,
He says
"Oh my dear, no.  You are the one who's sane amoung a world that is crazy. Take this your gift and let your life flow."

He tucks me into bed,
Wipes my eyes,
Tells me to never believe anyone's lies,
He leaves me now,
Walks away,
I close my eyes,
And drift away.

After a lifetime of "my gift" giving me grief,
Pain, despair, and broken belief,
The creature he showed me,
That not all is bad,
There is hope still,
maybe I'm really not mad.
2.2k · Sep 2016
Eloi Sep 2016
A psych ward is the place to be,
Come along, and you will see.
You'll be welcomed by forgotten silent deaths
and torturous screams.
An everlasting place of a need to be free.

Come on down to the "freak show",
We'll show you how we rock and roll,
Some say that we're unhinged,
But trust me honey, the fun is about to begin.

A lobotomy a day keeps the schizophrenia away they say,
An electric chair isn't the cruelest thing there,
By far it is knowing that you are not crazy, amongst a world that is.

We'll dance for you, we do it well.
But if we don't, torture will make it amends.
We sit here day on day, hoping for freedom,
Uncanny, unlikely, and an impossible dream.

A  psych ward is the place to be,
We'll grow old here and die a forgotten death,
The music is still playing,
The patients are still dancing,
This is my last day.

So come on down to our freak show, join our family, we'll show you how to rock and roll,
And die insanely.
This is a poem about when I was admitted to a mental institution for 5 months straight.
1.8k · Apr 2016
The beauty of a lily
Eloi Apr 2016
it makes you less sad, I will die by your hand
Hope you find out what you are; already know what I am
And if it makes you less sad, we'll start talking again
You can tell me how vile I already know that I am
I'll grow old, start acting my age
It'll be a brand new day in a life that you hate
A crown of gold, a heart that's harder than stone
And it hurts to hold on, but it's missed when it's gone

Call me a safe bet, I'm betting I'm not
I'm glad that you can forgive, only hoping as time goes, you can forget

If it makes you less sad, I'll move out of this state
You can keep to yourself, I'll keep out of your way
And if it makes you less sad, I'll take your pictures all down
Every picture you paint, I will paint myself out
It's cold as a tomb, and it's dark in your room
When I sneak to your bed to pour salt in your wounds
So call it quits, or get a grip
You say you wanted a solution; you just wanted to be missed

You are calm and reposed
Let your beauty unfold
Pale white, like the skin stretched over your bones
Spring keeps you ever close
You are second-hand smoke
You are so fragile and thin, standing trial for your sins
Holding on to yourself the best you can
You are the smell before rain
You are the blood in my veins
As I've mentioned in some of my other notes, I met a person who completely changed my life, got me out of a very bad personal state that I was in, and saved my life. This is about the struggle we went through to get through everything.
1.6k · Nov 2015
Sad green eyes.
Eloi Nov 2015
Eyes like emeralds, shine in the light,
Sad green eyes, but a smile so bright.
Long dark hair, she was so fare, but they didn't see what was really there.

At night she cries, eyes filled with tears as bitter as your lies.
Now She cuts her skin with your  silables of slaughter that made the words "you are my light".

You made her feel so special, now her skin is cold once more. Soon she will be lifeless, dead on the bathroom floor.

this was never a fair game, but you knew just how to play, she didn't know of your wicked tricks and ways.

but she loved you all the same.
1.6k · Feb 2019
Similar skies
Eloi Feb 2019
Baby blue
And posie pinks
Intertwined with orange tints
Fill the heavens
For all to see
But especially
For you and me!

Golden rays that end the day
As the sun sets and travels away
We sit on opposite sides of the earth
Marvelling at gods mighty works

And through the dark days the sunlight thrives
How you’re here with me despite thousands of miles
How this moment is so precious and real
And how I’m always here for you to tell me how you feel.

Tonight we’re under similar skies,
And tonight I bared a beaming smile,
Because I know in this world I am never alone,
For I have you, my safety, my friend, my comfort zone.

Let the orange tones warm you,
And let the pinks fill your cheeks,
Let the blues be in your eyes,
So beautiful and unique.
Let this sky be a sign that we were always meant to meet,
And let this poem be a memory that we can always keep.

Tonight we were under similar skies;
Despite the hundred thousand miles,
Tonight I know we were together at heart,
Tonight I realised,
We’ll never be apart.

Every sunset was made for you.
You are god
A poem for a dear, dear friend. You show me the beauty in the world, and I’m so grateful for you<3
1.6k · Jun 2016
Honey on bones
Eloi Jun 2016
My blood,
Is like honey on bones.
It drips down my wrist,
like ice cream from a cone.
1.5k · Jun 2016
The prisoner of my mind
Eloi Jun 2016
I am a prisoner of my own mind,
I think too much,
Wasting my time.

I am a captivated wild animal,
Trying to return to the wild,
But my mind, it will find
A way to make me stay.

I will never be free,
These chains are bound to me,
I strain under the pressure of my freedom dying.
1.5k · Apr 2016
Eloi Apr 2016
Run to the river, and take off all of your clothes,

no one is there to see that you're only made of skin and bones.

Doesn't it hurt not sleeping, and starving yourself every day?

Run to the river, and wash all of your pain away.

Down by the river by the boats
Where everybody goes to be alone

Where you won't see any rising sun
Down to the river we will run.

I walk to the borders on my own
To fall in the water just like a stone

Chilled to the marrow in them bones
Why do I go here all alone

I can tell by the pain in your eyes, you never go to the riverside.
I live in the valleys in South Wales, growing up I had some psychological disorders, and I would go for long walks to clear my head. There was this little bridge over a river, and I would sit there for hours drawing and writing poetry, I just felt free there, I've never forgotten that feeling.
1.4k · Sep 2016
Kill me before I kill myself
Eloi Sep 2016
I'm here all by myself
These white walls have personalities, my heart is starting to melt.
so I smoke ****** from a pipe,
My lungs are rust
Take a line of Coke,
My brain is dust from all of these drugs.

I can't think straight,
I'll walk the plank.
I'll Spill my blood so sharks will come and Devour my broken bones whole.

In between hell and Earth I walk the line of the silver blade against my thigh,
My body is alive but my mind won't survive.

I feel a galaxy's worth of emotions,
Dump me in the ocean,
I'm drowning again
i can't any longer pretend that I am  my own friend.

If a gunman threatened me, I'd tell him to feel free to shoot me,
I don't want to be alive.
each day I struggle to survive, snorting 6 or 7 lines a day to keep my suicidal thoughts away.

to die in the ocean would be so beautiful.
any form of death would be.
How I feel about my life
1.4k · Jun 2016
the truth behind love
Eloi Jun 2016
Mascara blood
Ash and ***
On the Rorschach sheets where we make love

**** the world **** straight malaise,
It may be just us who feel this way.

But don't ever doubt this, my steadfast conviction.
My love, you're the one I want to watch the ship go down with.

The future can't be real, I barely know how long a moment is.

we're naked getting high on the mattress
While the global market crashes.

As death fills the streets we're Conceiving life ,

Everything is doomed, and nothing will be spared

Don't they see the darkness rising?
Good luck figuring oblivion
We're getting out now while we can

I've brought my mother's depression
You've got your father's scorn and a wayward aunt's schizophrenia.

But everything is fine
Don't give into despair
Because I love you.
I've never written anything so personal and truthful as this.
1.3k · Jun 2016
The ocean
Eloi Jun 2016
I am the ocean,

I am the sea,

There is a world inside of me.
1.3k · Apr 2016
The man with yellow eyes
Eloi Apr 2016
There's a man in my mirror,
His face is not mine.
He's painted onto the walls,
And carved into my mind.
He whispers In my ear,
And tells me strange things,
His twisted words betray me,
He laughs and he sings.

He has eyes so yellow as the sun,
They pierce through me, nothing can be done.
He possesses the key to set me free but he will never give it back to me.

I hope one day he will set me free,
And leave with  all of the memories he gave me.
As I've mentioned in some of my other notes, when I was younger I suffered with a few mental illnesses. One of them was schizophrenia, for over a year I saw this vision of a human like creature that would follow me around and tell me to do disturbing things.
Of course it was all in my head, well that's what I've been made to believe anyway.
But the memory of waking up and seeing him all around me has stuck with me to this day.
1.2k · Aug 2016
Satanic Mystics
Eloi Aug 2016
My ribbons are tattered and torn,
My hair is in a tangle,
My eyes they stare a thousand miles
My chest is a ball of brambles.

Here in the hell between
I meet  The devil and the deep blue sea.

I swallow hard to clear the thorns
A ****** Metallic taste is rising,
And from my mouth, a crimson tear
Adoring and despising.

The devil with his uneasy eyes,
The deep blue sea's unsung surprise.
It's fight or flight, sink or swim
And so I let the games begin.

The jury nod, the death knell rings,
I gaze into the cold abyss.
My sentence called, the words unclear
And in a foreign language.

Circles I can't leave,
They'll Drown me as I weep
I'll Sleep forever sleep
Take me to the deep.
1.2k · Jul 2016
The ghosts that only I see
Eloi Jul 2016
My house is filled with ghosts,
That only I can see,
I try to tell my mother,
But she laughs at me.

They haunt my every step,
Whispering past events,
telling me their stories,
Filling me with worries.

I lay in bed at night,
Full of anxiety and fright,
That one of them might try to hurt me.

I see jet black figures in my mirrors,
And deformed silhouettes in my windows,
I close my eyes and pray for them to go away.

I guess I'm just intruding,
Living where they once did,
They have followed me around since I was a kid.

My mother takes me to the doctor,
Who diagnoses  me with schizophrenia,
Says' it's all in my head,
That I can't see anyone who's dead.

Locked in an institution for days,
They still wouldn't go away,
They never left my side,
They haunt me still to this day.
This is a true story, that happened to me not so long ago.
1.2k · Jun 2016
Eloi Jun 2016
I'm peeling the skin off my face
Because I really hate being safe
The normals, they make me afraid
The crazies, they make me feel sane

I'm insane, maybe , I'm mad,
The craziest friend that you've ever had,

You think I'm ******, you think I'm gone,

Tell the psychiatrist something is wrong,

You said I was " Over the bend, entirely bonkers"

You like me best when I'm off my rocker
So I'll Tell you a secret, I'm not alarmed

So what if I'm crazy? The best people are

Where is my prescription?
Doctor, doctor please listen
My brain is scattered
You can be Alice,
I'll be the mad hatter.

You'll try to lock me up,
And tell me to keep my mouth shut,
These visions that I'm seeing are slowly but surely decreasing.

I see a man with yellow eyes,
He's scratching at his own face,
He tells me to run but I know they'll try to chase.

So I stay locked up,
Kept quiet and buckle up,
For the next therapy session,
Where they'll tell me I'm  crazy with discretion.
As mentioned in a few of my former poems, I suffered with schizophrenia for 2 years, in that time i was permanently hospitalised, but the things I was seeing and hearing wouldn't go away. I was even told that they were worried that I would be in there for the rest of my life. But very slowly the schizophrenia faded and I was let out.
It's been 3 years since I was released and I'm completely fine and stable now:)
1.1k · Jun 2016
A blackened sky
Eloi Jun 2016
A blackened sky is on the rise,
What will it mean for you and I?
The sea will part,
And then reprise,
Please don't return to the sky tonight.
Eloi Mar 2016
I can see  Watermarks on the ceiling
I can see Jesus and he's frowning at me
I see a dead seal on the beach
The old man says he's already saved it three times this week
Guess it just wants to die
I would wanna die too
With people putting oil into my air
But to be fair, I've done my share
Guess everybody's got their different point of view

I was walking down Sunset Strip, Phillip Island, not Los Angeles
Got me some hot chips and a cold drink
Took a sandy seat on the shore
There's a paper on the ground, it makes my headache quite profound
As I read it out aloud
It said "The Great Barrier Reef it ain't so great anymore
It's been ***** beyond belief, the dredgers treat it like a *****"
I drank 'til I was sinking, sank 'til I was thinking
That I'm thankful for this view
We either think that we're invincible or that we are invisible
When realistically we're somewhere in between
We all think that we're nobody but everybody is somebody else's somebody

Don't ask me what I really mean
I am just a reflection
Of what you really wanna see
So take you want from me

Satellites on the ceiling
I can see Jesus and she's smiling at me
All I wanna say is...

I'm just a reflection of who I've always wanted to be
I was inspired to write this when I was at the beach last weekend, and I saw a family of seals on the rocks, and one of them seemed to be dying, or dead. All around I could see the rainbow colours on the rocks from the oil that had been poured in the sea, that's why I wrote this poem.
1.0k · Apr 2016
My everlasting.
Eloi Apr 2016
Salt In the air, sand in our hair, water lapping at our feet, God, you make me feel weak.

I can't live without you, you are my oxygen, you're my tree of life, my ever lasting.

I can't see a brighter day, without you in my life, you take away my pain, and all of my strife.

My worries leave me when I hold you dearly, I never want to let you go. My ever lasting.

your light will shine when all else fades.
Now the sun is beaming down, and our hearts are becoming one, you are my life and my mind. I love you infinitely.

My everlasting.
Everyone deserves someone who makes them feel like they're the most beautiful person in the world.
1.0k · Jul 2016
Silver is not gold
Eloi Jul 2016
There is a light that never goes out,
It burns bright in the darkest part of  night,
Your eyes glistened in the moonlight's sonata,
There was silence felt, even despite the laughter.

Third dimensional,
I see you,
You are gold,
You are not silver;
Silver is me;
Like me you could never be,
That's why we didn't work,
I still feel the hurt,
Tell me the truth about why the Stars have to die to burn?
It's like people,
No one notices,
Until they're gone.

Silver is not Gold.
It never could be.
Eloi Jun 2016
Light up another cigarette,
It's all I do since you left,
Hold a gun to my head,
No promises were ever kept.

Finish off another whiskey bottle,
Around my neck a rope will throttle,
Time doesn't heal things,
I wish I had you here to sing.

I keep your notes locked away;
For when I miss you the next day,
I'll read your words and sing your songs,
Then spark up another ****.

So what if these things are killing me?
I'm dying everyday that you're not with me,
I wanted a future with you,
But now all we have is history.
This poem is about a series of events that happened in my life, and how I "handled" them.
945 · Jul 2016
Am I crazy?
Eloi Jul 2016
Am I crazy?
I see people, who aren't really there.
They talk to me, whispering things in my ear.

Don't tell anyone.
They'll lock you back up,
No discretion, but you just have bad luck.

They tell me I'm psychotic,
And dose me up on meds,
To make me feel "sane" again,
Their lies I will be fed.

But I've been there before, I've seen the road and I've been through the doors,
Seconds feel like years when you're in an asylum,
Your heart they will pour.

Don't call me schizophrenic,
Because I swear that I'm not,
I know the people that I see,
Were  once alive like me.
941 · Oct 2016
Black sea
Eloi Oct 2016
Gracious grows the ghost of you,
I will never forget the plans, the
Silhouettes you drew of me are still here.

Black Sea, I failed to be a light you found in love.
Black Sea, the monster killed the melody you loved.

death moves amongst us,
And with such ease the poems that you wrote to me still sing.

I have a grave to dig, fast moving feet,
Next to your tomb stone I weep.

You gave me light,
Where it once was gone.
I made a bed,
Where you don't belong.

Living without him,
Living at all,
Seems to slow me down.
898 · Jul 2016
The golden room
Eloi Jul 2016
Endure into the golden room,
The promised land, the sacred tomb.
Disclosure, in the hidden room,
Time is dying, you will too soon.
The serpent is psychedelic,
The serpent is strong,
The serpant is holographic,
Endure into the room.
883 · Mar 2016
Eloi Mar 2016
You are the tiger burning bright
Deep in the forest of my night
You are the one who keeps me strong in this world

You sleep by the silent cooling streams
Down in the darkness of my dreams
All of my life I never knew
You were the dream I'd see come true
You are the tiger burning bright

I was the one who looked so hard I could not see.
Now I could never live without the love you give to me.

I lived like a wild and lonely soul,
Lost in a dream beyond control.
You were the one who brought me home down to earth.
Now I will love you unconditionally.
When I was growing up, I used to have a reoccurring dream about a tiger who would protect me, I later in my life met someone who protected me and loved me the way the tiger did in my dream. So that's where the idea for this poem came from.
873 · Jun 2016
The girl with blue eyes
Eloi Jun 2016
There's a girl who lives just down the street,
Her eyes are blue and her heart is weak.
She visits the cemetery twice a day,
Promising him that she'll never go away.
He drowned in the ocean of her overwhelming blue eyes,
She loved him  So much but that could never have kept him alive.
He died that day in a happy way; in love and content with his girl with blue eyes.
848 · Jun 2016
The rising sun
Eloi Jun 2016
I am the rising sun,

I am all of the Christmas fun.

I am the flowering seed,

I am the summer breeze.
826 · Aug 2016
Eloi Aug 2016
Don't listen to the pressure,
Who even said that skinny is better?
Those magazines and tv shows?
Being hateful is money and money is what they want.
So they will hate every minute of the day to make sure that their pay isn't going away.

Propaganda that visible bones is better,
Lies that skipping a meal is alright,
And teaching little girls that with their weight
They will always have to fight.

This is not how we were created to be,
We are all beautiful internally.
Don't listen to the pressure,
Skinny really isn't better.
Since I was 14 I've struggled with eating disorders, I think it's something that all young girls are self conscious about to some extent growing up because of what they see on social media X and in magazines.
It's really sad that some children will literally die trying to be as thin as they think they should be.
Eating disorders are often glorified nowadays,
And people don't realise the severity of it.
805 · Aug 2016
Still, you never kissed me
Eloi Aug 2016
We sprawled across your double bed for days on end,
Watching movies and eating Chinese food,
We cuddled and hugged,
But we never once kissed.

I wondered why you didn't want to kiss me,
And couldn't think of a reason why,
Until I realised that you, just like me, a few months before, just needed somebody to hold.

I love you, I never even kissed you goodbye.
795 · Jun 2016
A suicidal tendency
Eloi Jun 2016
I'll hold my head up high,
And pretend not to cry,
But when I go inside,
My feelings are deprived.

How do you hide a suicidal tendency?
It's just the effect of the end of you and me.
Time takes forever to go by,
I sit here and I wonder why.
790 · Aug 2016
Eloi Aug 2016
I woke up late last night,
To a bright burning light,
Heard people talking,
People fighting,
the world turned upside down.

I Wake up,
Then Black out.
How many hours has it been?
3? Maybe 4?
The light is gone,
It's all dark now,
The voices have quietened,
And the fighting has stopped.
I'm alone.

I thought I was in pain when the commotion was going on,
When the fighting was all around me,
When there was fire as the sky.

But I can tell you now,
That nothing is as painful as no one being around, as there being no noise,
And nothing is worse than being lonely.
Eloi Sep 2016
I hurt myself again today,
To see if I still feel pain.
The needle tears a hole,
The old familiar sting ,
Try to **** myself again,
But it's just another fail.

What did you become?
My sweetest friend,
Everyone I love, dies and goes away
In the end.

you left me it all,
In our empire of dirt,
you killed yourself, you let me down,
you made me hurt.

I wear this crown of thorns,
my self destruction affair,
Full of broken thoughts,
That I cannot repair.

Beneath the stains of time,
They said that The feelings would disappear,
You are dead and gone,
But I am still right here.

If I could start again with you,
A million miles away,
I would keep you so safe,
I would find a way,
To make sure that you stayed.

Why wasn't I good enough to save you from destruction?
I pray for the rain,
Are you up there?
Do you listen?

They say that if you **** yourself,
You will be sent to hell,
But God, were you an angel,
Beautifully, brokenly, emptily impelled.
The death of a loved one can cause you to want to die too, self destruction becomes the only reason that you live.
764 · Sep 2016
Eloi Sep 2016
This debilitating cynicism leaves me throwing fists,
blindly, unkindly I deliberately hide so that you cant find me.

Unmentionable, the seeking of attention that we require,
and I impede my own desires with a silent fear of fire.

Hold me higher than your loved ones,
mask my bad intentions.
I wish I was as pure as my lustless suggestions.

You try to fall, I’ll hold you back.
I surround  myself with your artifacts.
My mind wanders with a sense of urgency.
I watched you fade away from me.

I discreetly try to imbibe the origins of your resentment.
Above me you reside as I strive for mere acceptance.

Escaping dignity, I ruined the bridges I built,
and bruised by your excuses I melancholicly  wilt,
condemned by a guilt that I can’t abandon, My love  for you is more than a fandom.

I’ve derobed your more times with my eyes than you have with your paws,
Our time together was macabre, Showing all of our flaws.
Eloi Nov 2015
Heaven sent Deamons surround us all now.

We bow our heads and sing hyms, as he's lowered into the ground.

He was so beautiful, kind, and loving all of his life, but the Angels came and took him to keep by their side.

Now he will forever be but a memory to me, I fear that the truth will soon be clear to see.

About why he had to leave, and why he had to go, leaving us all here, in this icy cold snow.

It's hell here without him, I still cry every night,
He was a child of the galaxies who had to return to gods side.
750 · Jun 2016
Skin and bones
Eloi Jun 2016
Lately I've been measuring,
It Seems that my time is growing thin,
Wind me up and watch me spin.

I'm just skin and bones

All worn out and nothing fits
Brennevin and cigarettes
The more I give the less I get
But I'm all set,

To be just skin and bones.
Eloi Jun 2016
There is a place on the edge of town,
It's small, it's dark, it will bring you down.
People go there when the clock strikes twelve,
Never again will you see them alive.

It is an old hospital,
For the asylum seekers,
Abandoned and neglected
Just like the reapers,

People will tell you of the screams that can be heard,
From all of the patients that died here.
You will want to run,
But the walls will close,
Keeping you there,
In the asylums doors,

But don't be scared, and don't be alarmed,
You've joined the group,
Of mentally harmed.
Thoughts on the hospital I was permitted to when I was ill.
748 · Jun 2016
Russian Roulette
Eloi Jun 2016
I inked my skin with your name,
As you swore you wouldn't play the game,
Russian roulette,
As good as you could get,
But there was someone who was better yet.

Spin the bottle,
Load up the gun,
And tell yourself  it's only a bit of fun.

The future can't be real,
If the deal is not sealed,
A debt you will pay,
For playing this game.

Round and round,
It lands on you as you bow your head to the ground.

Pick up the gun,
It's no longer fun,
Death is calling,
You're slowly falling.

The shot was perfect,
Right through your skull,
As if It was worth it.

You fell to the floor,
I ran out of the door,
Never to return to our place we called "home".

It wasn't a game of roulette,
It was our series of events,
You killed yourself,
Due to the sadness that you felt.

So this is my spin on things,
I'll pour a glass and admit my sins,
Before I join in,
With your game of Russian roulette.
A few of my poems explain about this same story,
But this is a different view of it, for me anyway.
Eloi Jun 2016
You Won't Meet A Girl Sat In Your Room Listening To Music,
But Some Songs Can Still Give You Butterflies

It's just another ******* poem that rhymes the words 'miss' and 'kiss'.
I know it's easy, but I can't help but relate to this.
I don't even apply these words to a specific person,
but when you're feeling this lonely the relevance worsens.

I just miss affection, with pure intention.
728 · Dec 2016
Walls of paranoia
Eloi Dec 2016
You sit in a room that's dark,
It's silent, pitch black.
in hope of hiding from the chaotic tragedy of the world around you.

A creak in the floorboards due to the natural rotting of a beam that has stood for too long, becomes a demonic presence creeping towards you.
Your mind becomes the origin of paranoia itself.

What was once your home has become a prison,
Your own mind keeps you inside the walls of the voices that you hear and illusions that you see.

******* will do that to you,
But if they try hard enough, so can people.

People can drive you to the point where you see things where there's nothing but empty space,
And to a place where not even the moments before you fall asleep are silent.

A sewn up mouth to stop you from telling their secrets, you'll never unwind the truth that you live to anyone who could help.

Isolation will destroy you, eventually.
This explains exactly how I feel at the moment, the world is so corrupt
714 · Aug 2016
hold on until may
Eloi Aug 2016
Suicidal tenencies follow me around,
I felt it so strong once that I took enough pills that my body started to drown.
I felt it again enough to make me hang from a rope, but still here I am, and I have no more hope.

A song that kept me going, "hold on until May"
I told myself that twenty times a day,
and when May came there was nothing else to hold on for,
So I held on to the rope, and tried to let it all go.

That song still haunts me to this day,
Every time I hear it I cry endlessly.
Time doesn't heal things.
Eloi Aug 2016
We walked the narrow path,

Beneath the smoking skies.

Sometimes you can barely tell the difference
Between darkness and light.

Do you have faith
 In what we believe?

The truest test is when we cannot  see.

I hear pounding feet In the streets below,
and the women crying,

And the children know that there's something wrong,
The sun rises a golden sunset over the horizon of the nights broken promises,
And the children marvel at its beauty.

it can't rain all the time.

The sky won't fall forever.

And though the night seems long,
Your tears won't fall forever.

when I'm lonely,
 I lie awake at night,

And I wish you were here.

I miss you.

Can you tell me
 there is something more to believe in?

Or is this all there is?

the window breaks and a woman falls,
there's  something wrong,
it's so hard to believe that love will prevail.

Last night I had a dream.

You came into my room,
You took me into your arms.

Whispering and kissing me,
And telling me to still believe.

But then the emptiness of a burning sea 
Against which we see our darkest of sadness took over me,

Until I felt safe and warm.

I fell asleep in your arms.

When I awoke I cried again for you were gone.
can you hear me?

Of course you can't,
You're dead and gone,
I Have to let go,
Despite how much I love you,
I'm living in the past,
And killing my future.
708 · Oct 2016
Sirens and sergeants
Eloi Oct 2016
The sirens and the sergeants dont seem to mean a thing,
Take my hand, show me the way, we are the children that fell from grace,
we are the children that can't be saved.

One more nail in the coffin, one more foot in the grave,
One more time I'm on my knees as I try to walk away from your grave.

But this has got the best of me, and I can't seem to sleep,
I've come to realise that it's not because  you're not with me, it's because  your ghost never leaves.

Everything I've loved became everything I lost
703 · Aug 2017
Ideal daughter
Eloi Aug 2017
My bones are tired, Daddy
I don't get enough sleep
I don't eat as good as I should,daddy.
Is that why you're so ashamed of me?

You know sometimes I sleep past noon, Daddy
I drink lots of black coffee and I smoke like a chimney,
Yes, I left the refrigerator door half open, Daddy
What implications will that have on  me?

You know sometimes I want to rip out your throat, Daddy
For all those things you said that were mean,
Because I didn't fit in with your "proper family" image,
I'm gonna make you just as vulnerable as I was, Daddy
Why can't you just love me for me?

You know sometimes I want to bash in your teeth, Daddy
I'm gonna make you realise that you made me this way.

I'm gonna rip your heart out the way you did mine, Daddy
Go ahead and punish me for  that
I'm your creation, I'm your "love"Daddy.

Grown up to be and do all those sick things you said that I would do
Well last night I saw you sneak out your window
With your jeans unzipped, daddy
Are you as perfect as you seem?

Im neglected and broken, daddy,
Because of the way you raised me to be,
I'm going to **** you just the way that you **** me, daddy.
Will you then be proud of me?

My bones are tired, daddy.
This is a very personal poem, it describes the relationship between my father and myself, and how I was raised in a family who didn't accept me.
701 · Dec 2016
until death do us part
Eloi Dec 2016
The foetus has a swollen face,
And Long stiff limbs,
eyes are black pits
Of a crimson dream.

The hair is long
Still smells like mud,
Foetus  answered to my kiss
With a rotten tongue.

No death can Tear us apart,
Foetus's body is cold,
its gonna get colder,
my love will ignite, what was left to smoulder.

I move my hips,
Inside her I am home,
I'll keep on loving,
Till the marrow dries from her bones.

All the blatant day, I stay by her side,
death has a claim,
And a right to my bride.

I shut the stubborn old doors,
Pull the curtains and hide,
I heard something moving
Somewhere outside.

death comes  sneaking in,
Trough the keyholes
He's clever and he knows
What's beneath the floorboards.

Death comes to feast,
Like a greedy hungry beast,
He wants it all
And here he crawls,
To the foetus, to my bride,
To my lover no more.
Eloi Jan 2017
This is the place where he lay his head,
When he went to bed at night,
And this is the place our demons  were derived
Candles lit the room at night.
this is the place where he cut his wrists
That odd and fateful night.

This is the place where we used to live,
I paid for it with love and blood,
And these are the boxes that he kept on the shelf,
Filled with his poetry and stuff.

this is the room where he took the razor,
And cut his  wrists that strange and fateful night.

I never would have started if I'd known
That it'd end this way.

His body didn't last forever,
It decomposed with time.
But the memories I'll always treasure,
Will last me until the day that I die.
693 · Aug 2016
Deadweight on velveteen
Eloi Aug 2016
I watch as the heat  on the window from where your hand has been 5 seconds previous to now fades.

Your finger prints linger there, begging for someone to notice them.

I see your blackened silhouette submerge into the forest as you walk away,
I know now, I'll never see you again.

My body will be a deadweight on velveteen,
A carcass full of memories of you,
Pure and true.

If you hadn't have left,
I wouldn't be found dead,
But the time has come to leave and I cannot wait any longer.

Prepare for the news, it will hit you hard,
I'll make you go mad, the way you did me,

Insanity insanity,
What a beautiful thing it is to be insane.
683 · Dec 2016
Eloi Dec 2016
head hung low
where the road leads I will go,
it's a hard and a crooked life
when you're a dead man's unwedded bride.

the day moves slow,
where the road leads no one knows,
it's a hard and a crooked life
when you're a dead man's unwedded bride.

down by the road sits a man,
who's gray and old,
says the hardest thing I know
is to see your loved ones go.

where the wildflowers grow,
there's a lake that's dark deep and cold,
there I shall lay my bones.

down I go,
going to  lay my bruised bones,
and the hardest thing they'll know,
Is to have to let me go.
Eloi Jun 2016
Eternal seas of tears cried by mothers singing lullabies,
The sun sets in the sky, never revealing  the secrets it hides.
A river flows down a mountain,
Into the everlasting fountain of lies,
No one will ever be righteous in the eyes of the misplaced child,
Who's mother sang her  a lullaby.
This poem is about a close friend of mine who's Father died when she was very very young, when she was growing up her mother would sing a song to her  that her father loved, she grew up never to trust anyone because of what happened to her father, and once told me that not even her mother was righteous of her trust.
677 · Jun 2016
Eloi Jun 2016
Some people say my love cannot be true,
Please believe me, and I'll show you.
I will give you those things that you thought were unreal.
The sun, the moon, the stars all Are my beings.

Now I have you with me, under my power
Our love grows stronger now with every hour
Look into my eyes, you will see who I am
My name is Lucifer, please take my hand.
Eloi Feb 2017
Hold your cigarette upside down,
Blow the smoke out of your ears,
Wash the dirt out of the ground.

Wear your black bandana backwards,
Wear your heart upon your sleeve,
Keep your back straight at the table,
Before you're forced to leave.

Keep a knife in your knuckles,
Pressing intensely against your skin,
Keep your mind set on finding what you'll never find again,
Keep your head above the water,
Keep your eyes out of the ash,
Keep your frown as permanent as ever,
Keep on wearing this your mask.

Permission from no one to do nothing more than you do,
To  follow this path of nothingness that you so willingly would choose.

Aspirations have no meaning to you,
This world is not your lover,
You do not want a piece of it,
You'll just take your hibernative cover.

See a room filled with smoke,
Ash overseas the ground,
Dirt underneath your fingernails,
This dark fate that you have found.

You write poems to no one about nothing and keep candle light at bay,
Telling yourself that this is your life and that you're happy just this way.

Blackened under eyes  from a definitive lack of sleep,
But irises so bright that will never be defeat.

I love you my woeful lover,
Please look after yourself,
These cigarettes will **** you,
Before you **** yourself.
657 · Jul 2016
Eloi Jul 2016
How do you come to terms with the fact that the person you love is dead?
How do you accept that you'll never see them again?
How do you find something to live on for?
Because I'm struggling to see the light and the future to go on for.

I know you'd never want me to feel this way because you're gone,
But since you left all of my happiness has left too.

I hope one day I'll see you again,
But until then I'll hold on to our memories my friend.
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