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Feb 2019 · 1.6k
Similar skies
Eloi Feb 2019
Baby blue
And posie pinks
Intertwined with orange tints
Fill the heavens
For all to see
But especially
For you and me!

Golden rays that end the day
As the sun sets and travels away
We sit on opposite sides of the earth
Marvelling at gods mighty works

And through the dark days the sunlight thrives
How you’re here with me despite thousands of miles
How this moment is so precious and real
And how I’m always here for you to tell me how you feel.

Tonight we’re under similar skies,
And tonight I bared a beaming smile,
Because I know in this world I am never alone,
For I have you, my safety, my friend, my comfort zone.

Let the orange tones warm you,
And let the pinks fill your cheeks,
Let the blues be in your eyes,
So beautiful and unique.
Let this sky be a sign that we were always meant to meet,
And let this poem be a memory that we can always keep.

Tonight we were under similar skies;
Despite the hundred thousand miles,
Tonight I know we were together at heart,
Tonight I realised,
We’ll never be apart.

Every sunset was made for you.
You are god
A poem for a dear, dear friend. You show me the beauty in the world, and I’m so grateful for you<3
Eloi Dec 2018
Straight line
And a curve for the eye
Scribbling
Is no use at this time of the night

Or a pencil mark from light to dark
When moonlight is near
And daylight is far

Wallowing in
Blood and chaos
Strict curfew to never sleep
As I always have been

But a scribble for you
Is never far
Always a part of my nightly drama
Whether it a one liner
In my note pad
Or some white powder on a tile
I always tell myself it’s worth my while
Because it’s you
I see in my cuts and ridges
And it’s you I see hanging when I look at bridges

I don’t think that I’ll ever stop scribbling at night
Because something in my head was niggled at that time
That I saw you
Eyes wide open
While I slept on the couch
Keeping me company through the nights hours

And now it’s silence again
For there’s no where to go
But I’m sometimes so stuck in the memory of you
It’s only a passing thought
And soon it’ll be gone like your hair was
But I think of you at night
When my tears are falling.

how I miss you in the early morning,
When I’m smoking a joint and constantly yawning
And how we should be together
But I’m here all alone
Without our baby
And without you or our home.
Nov 2018 · 137
Chaos
Eloi Nov 2018
Tell me I’m a bad person
Say that you want to harm me
Tell me that you want to alarm and disarm me
Because I like the danger
the sick sense of panic
The exciting adrenaline when things get manic
I like the walls painted with blood
And the rain to be acid
I like the burning taste of cherry antacids
And I love the feeling that you’re always near
And I really love that you’re the cause of my fear
I love the sweet chaos
And the sickening cuts
And the smoke in my eyes,
And pile of cigarette butts.
But most of all,
I love the madness
That I live in with all my sadness
Jul 2018 · 88
Untitled
Eloi Jul 2018
I miss who you were

The circus is back
Flashing lights in my head,
Feeling petrified to sleep in my bed.
Blaring voices and commotion all through the night,
Even your presence gives me a ******* fright-
But you’re my panic alert
I see you and adrenaline gets to work,
then I can’t sleep
Wishing you’d leave me be-
You’re supposed to be my safety net,
My father, and my friend
But all you do now is scare me to death,
You’re driving me round’ the bend.
This isn’t the way to live my life,
I’m petrified, now I sleep with a knife
And pray to some fake god that I’ll make it through the night,
Because the hate that you show us just so isn’t right.
Please leave us alone because we’re fearing for our safety,
Panicked that you’re hiding in the attic waiting to **** me.
Life is pale now and my skin is too,
I’m scared that I’m gonna die because of you,
Fainting with fear whenever you’re near,
And smoking enough to tranquillize a deer,
I can’t go on like this,

And you can’t either

Why can’t we just leave all this behind and go for a beer?
It brakes my heart to see what you’ve become
Jun 2018 · 116
Edward
Eloi Jun 2018
Edward,

I see
           You
Withered
Rope torn neck
Blood shot eyes
             You
With Rotten fingers
With a Chelsea cut smile
         And you
With your insides spilled on the ground
        Purple neck
Bruised
And a chair that was high
And a ceiling that held you at your weakest moment
You wanted to bruise your immortality
You wanted to fly
Look at me now
Dying for you
Cut
Cut and cut
And ridged sides
And blood soaked sheets


And I see you
Dead
Dead dead
Dead
Seeing something new
You
With a black tongue
Oozing from your mouth
Blood and gauze
Barbed wire stapling you to me
And I’m cut
Bleeding from every pore
Every seem
And I cut
My wrist
My thigh
And still you are
Dead
Dead
Dead
And I wish too to be
Dead,
Dead,
Dead.

I see
You
Teeth dangling from your gums on strings
And sewn up eyes
And peeling skin
Flaking ash over me
Burning me
Plaguing me with sores
War torn face
****** creature
Worm infested
And mildew
Drenched with blood
Spilled
From me
From my wrist
And
You
At 18
With dead eyes
And dead skin
And a dead body
And me
At 16
Dying body
Bleeding wrist
Broken soul
Smouldering in your fire.
All
Dead,
Dead,
Dead.
May 2018 · 122
Let me rest
Eloi May 2018
In a crypt for the undead
Turmoil awakens
And you cannot even let me rest
In the grave you burried me alive in
I don’t want to remember you
But your ghost dances
around my head
And I’m stuck here forever in this tomb for the undead
will you ever let me sleep?
I feel like I’m living i  n        A        D   r   e  a  m
May 2018 · 168
Sugar never tasted so sweet
Eloi May 2018
A mid May Day
Summer light
You turn
your violet eyes flash mine
And your hair dances with the wind
Causing anticipation
Setting love in

And I see you
With twinkling eyes in the moonlight
Lavender fireflies buzzing in the dusk
And you smile at me
Setting me so free
Of anguish and misery

And I see you
Floating in the mist
Of Rosie pink blossom
Carrying you away
Promising to see me the next day

And Then i see you
With him
And your eyes are black
And your teeth are rotten
And your hair is thin
The air is dense
And filled with sin

And I see you
With your Bleeding heart
Through your chest
Rib cage of moths
Witheringly thin
In your hellish nest
You will die in

And I see you
Where Dandelions grow from you
And bouquets I never bought you lay over your head
In this garden of death
Sing for me a hymn
To save my soul
From my deadly violet sin
Take, “him” as death.
May 2018 · 184
Decomposition
Eloi May 2018
Sliced Jugular vein
           Blue wrist
Fates fatal,cold kiss
           Body of blood
Coronation of death
           Deminishing life
The rotting smell of flesh

Ceased to survive
             Smouldering corpse
Decaying carcass
              Unnaturally enforced
Hair of spider web
               Deaths new bride
Funeral of the pulse
               Riddled with acide

Creature of havoc
                Crawls into bones
Eyes of maggots
                Crumbling tomb stone
Laying in the pits
                The worms eating brains
Bound there forever
                 Until crumbling from deaths chains.
Jan 2018 · 381
Sick of craving you
Eloi Jan 2018
I’m stuck in this loop
Of relentless
Memories of you
And I could sleep for six weeks
And still be drowsy when I speak.

I can’t seem to snap out of this groundhog dream,
It’s wearing me down,
Tied to the ground.
I swear I never used to have these bags under my eyes,
It’s just they darken with each one of your lies.

I don’t mean to be rude when I
say you were an *******,
But you have to understand that you left me so alone

My mind is racing constantly
Trying to figure reasons that you might’ve left me
But it’s so tiring and I just can’t sleep
I wish I’d killed myself last week
I think of that now too,
By the way,
Again since you left,
It’s been on my chest,
I just can’t keep up with my ***** mind
Because In everything it’s you I try to find.

My irises have lightened since you left,
And my once emerald gems are now stolen and theft.

Sleep well tonight,
My honey and child,
I’ll be awake,
Thinking of you,
Dreaming of you,
Missing you

So let me alone now to lay and think,
In this dark room,
On this cold night,
With another alcoholic drink.
Dec 2017 · 163
I trust you
Eloi Dec 2017
This terror that turns everything towards a downward spiral,
My own insecurities that always keep me in denial,
I should trust you, you’ve never given me reason not to,
But I let my own worries take hold of you,
Not wanting you to go out without me,
Is awful I know but I can’t seem to see
Another way for it to not worry me,
I’m sorry that I’m this way,
I don’t mean to be,
i just want you to be happy with me,
But these worries I bare are not so easily ignored, when in my head you could be so easily bored
With me,
I can see
How it wouldn’t be so hard,
So many more interesting places to lay your heart.
I trust you,
I do,
It’s my own fault, really.
I shouldn’t  think myself into a frenzy
Of panic and dispair,
I hate it when I’m not there,
I’m constantly trying to change these feelings,
Because I never want to stop you from achieveing
What you want to do,
It’s the last thing I want,
I must choose
Between my worries and heart,
My heart is where you lay,
And I’ll keep you there forever,
So please bare with me as I try to fix this dilemma,
You’re everything to me,
Please just see,
That I want nothing except for you to be happy.


I’m sorry.
Nov 2017 · 305
I thought I loved you
Eloi Nov 2017
I sat on the edge of the bed
and I thought I loved you
I thought I loved the way your jumbled thoughts could you so perplexed that your mind would become ruins
I thought I loved you the way that a familiar scent tugs at a misplaced memory
A memory that once brought a smile to your face
I thought I loved you like I was hungry
Like if I didn't devour every last smirk
every last hair out of place
every last everything
It would dissolve into the ground and plant flowers in the neighbor's backyard
I thought I loved you like I loved myself
until I realized that "me" was still an abstract concept
one that you want to know more but it is easier to keep distance from
one that you thought you would know better by now
I thought I loved you because I missed you at three o'clock when I sat at my desk while work dragged on and so did the idea of you
I thought that wanting you was a noble thing to do
something that could make me grander and more like a story book
until I realized that I didn't want to be trapped between your pages anymore
Nov 2017 · 235
Precisely alive
Eloi Nov 2017
Insignificant emotional instability  
    Shines through me like crystallised obscenity.
  

           Hosting the pearl resembling shells that glow in the winter daylight,
                    Clasping on to the carcass of a bird once in flight.




             Haunting flames of fire burn through the showering mist,
       On one of the untimely days of winters coldest kiss.


Dance in the moonlight of an eclipse long but alive,
                   Exhaling each frosty breath to ensure that I survive.


            A wolf of ranger and stamina of all its kind ignited,
            A deeply morning sunset to one who might be freighted.




         A traveller of land and time,
                                                                ­                   Of silver and gold and sweat and grime,

Of ash and coal and dirt and dust,

Of pain, of love of hope and ******.



Heat deserted,
                  The forest at night,
The winter day at last is light.


The trees will revive from their death of endless time,
The rivers will become a secret shrine.
Aug 2017 · 699
Ideal daughter
Eloi Aug 2017
My bones are tired, Daddy
I don't get enough sleep
I don't eat as good as I should,daddy.
Is that why you're so ashamed of me?

You know sometimes I sleep past noon, Daddy
I drink lots of black coffee and I smoke like a chimney,
Yes, I left the refrigerator door half open, Daddy
What implications will that have on  me?

You know sometimes I want to rip out your throat, Daddy
For all those things you said that were mean,
Because I didn't fit in with your "proper family" image,
I'm gonna make you just as vulnerable as I was, Daddy
Why can't you just love me for me?

You know sometimes I want to bash in your teeth, Daddy
I'm gonna make you realise that you made me this way.

I'm gonna rip your heart out the way you did mine, Daddy
Go ahead and punish me for  that
I'm your creation, I'm your "love"Daddy.

Grown up to be and do all those sick things you said that I would do
Well last night I saw you sneak out your window
With your jeans unzipped, daddy
Are you as perfect as you seem?

Im neglected and broken, daddy,
Because of the way you raised me to be,
I'm going to **** you just the way that you **** me, daddy.
Will you then be proud of me?

My bones are tired, daddy.
This is a very personal poem, it describes the relationship between my father and myself, and how I was raised in a family who didn't accept me.
Aug 2017 · 508
Hidden
Eloi Aug 2017
I am suppressed by my own thoughts,
And depressed by your actions,
You never practiced what you taught,
Only using small fractions.

I think too much,
And sleep too little,
I am cold to touch,
And my words are a riddle.

I drink black coffee,
And smoke like a chimney,
No one will stop me,
You'll never pin me.

There's a place in my mind,
It's dark and deprived,
I've buried it down inside,
It hates to see me alive.

I struggle to live without fear,
It's so cold it's severe.
Time isn't on my side,
I'll run,! hide.
And you won't find.
Jul 2017 · 399
The curse of anger
Eloi Jul 2017
Flying fist,
I'd die if I missed,
Hit a wall,
Crack a knuckle; or two,
Try not to fall.

Plagued with anger
Plagued with pain,
Hating myself for behaving this way.

See blood,
Dripping down,
Covering the wall,
Covering the ground.
See my frown,
Oozing with blood,
resembling a clown,
I descend to the ground.

Bruise of black/ purple appearing now,
Making me circle
with urgency, panic,
My expression becomes manic,
I feel the bone crumbling beneath my skin,
Let the explanation begin.

Broken?
Perhaps so,
Even if it was,
I wouldn't tell them so.

Ashamed of myself for acting this way,
Condemned to finally decay,
So I'll let it **** me,
In my coffin I'll lay,
Finally to die and be buried this way.
Apr 2017 · 377
The whisperers
Eloi Apr 2017
drop,
by crimson drop,
contaminated blood flows,
down onto
his buried bones.

                                                         ­                   a painting born from blood,
a child with dreams of death and mud,
                                     bodies made of severed tongues,
dust and dirt fill their lungs.

mouths sewn up,
eyes sewn shut,
intense listening,
hear:
whispers of their deathly scriptures.

nothing known to them of mortality,
endless pain,
endless,
endless death.
Apr 2017 · 155
i dont know
Eloi Apr 2017
i don't know anyone i am
Apr 2017 · 327
death
Eloi Apr 2017
silenced sliced skin,
blood etching begins,
red river flows,
from my writs to toes.

a coffin to a hearse,
a killing curse,
eyes fill with tears of blood,
lay me down to descent into the mud.
Mar 2017 · 350
Blood, the beauty of it
Eloi Mar 2017
Whole heartedly,
I stare into  obscenity,
Nothing can stop this,
It's taking over me.

I look into the mirror,
Despising what I see,
I realise that someone else is controlling me.
Im not alone in spirit,
I'm not alone in bone,
I'm looking for a way to descend into the unknown.

I hold a knife to my neck to see if it'll bleed,
I slice my jugular vein,
More  blood I want to see.
It has become an addiction,
Unsettling to some,
To me it's the most beautiful thing that could ever have been done.

I watch myself bleed out and   Incessantly laugh,
I stand naked, bleeding into the bath.

Maniac desires to **** and be killed,
Eyes turn yellow before the bath is is filled
With blood,
With crimson blood,
My body will flood,
I dream to join a regime where it is normal to feel how I feel.

No one can know it,
No one can see,
What is this demon living inside of me?

Take it away,
Relieve the pain,
Before I bleed out,
Never to watch my blood again.
Feb 2017 · 333
Reflection
Eloi Feb 2017
Stare infinitely into the looking glass,
I see a face that's not my own,
Eyes that aren't human,
Lips that move without my intention.

My eyes are plagued with tears,
Flowing down my cheeks,
Madness seeps out of every pore,
I laugh at the reflection of what I see,
For it's not me.
Eloi Feb 2017
Blatant,
Hold your cigarette upside down,
Blow the smoke out of your ears,
Wash the dirt out of the ground.

Wear your black bandana backwards,
Wear your heart upon your sleeve,
Keep your back straight at the table,
Before you're forced to leave.

Keep a knife in your knuckles,
Pressing intensely against your skin,
Keep your mind set on finding what you'll never find again,
Keep your head above the water,
Keep your eyes out of the ash,
Keep your frown as permanent as ever,
Keep on wearing this your mask.

Permission from no one to do nothing more than you do,
To  follow this path of nothingness that you so willingly would choose.

Aspirations have no meaning to you,
This world is not your lover,
You do not want a piece of it,
You'll just take your hibernative cover.

See a room filled with smoke,
Ash overseas the ground,
Dirt underneath your fingernails,
This dark fate that you have found.

You write poems to no one about nothing and keep candle light at bay,
Telling yourself that this is your life and that you're happy just this way.

Blackened under eyes  from a definitive lack of sleep,
But irises so bright that will never be defeat.

I love you my woeful lover,
Please look after yourself,
These cigarettes will **** you,
Before you **** yourself.
Feb 2017 · 479
Whole worlds part us now.
Eloi Feb 2017
I Miss you terribly already,
Miss the space between your eyelids,
Where I'd stare through awkward sentences
To avoid through awkward silence.

Miss your teeth when they chatter,
When we smoked out in the garden,
When we couldn't sleep for all the heat,
Soft kisses began to quicken.

Miss your big Arms around my body,
You were scarred, bruised and battered,
But I Miss your sitting up incessantly,
And the fact you were always waking in the night.

I hoped for your life,
You forgot about mine.

Miss your teeth dug in my shoulder,
As we rolled in early morning,
Miss your arm dying beneath me,
As I lay there simply yawning.

Please forget me,
you were right dear,
I am cold and self-involved,
And though I'll miss you, old lover
I am weak and therefore fold.

I Get distracted by my music,
Think of nothing else but art.
I'll write my loneliness in poems,
If I can just think how to start.

Dot my I's with charcole pencils,
Close my eyelids,
hide my eyes,
I'll be idle in my ideals,
Think of nothing else but I.

I hoped for your life,
You forgot about mine,
I'll love you incessively,
Until the end of time.
Jan 2017 · 587
Eden
Eloi Jan 2017
Insignificant emotional instability  
    Shines through me like crystallised obscenity.
  

           Hosting the pearl resembling shells that glow in the winter daylight,
                    Clasping on to the carcass of a bird once in flight.




             Haunting flames of fire burn through the showering mist,
       On one of the untimely days of winters coldest kiss.


Dance in the moonlight of an eclipse long but alive,
                   Exhaling each frosty breath to ensure that I survive.


            A wolf of ranger and stamina of all its kind ignited,
            A deeply morning sunset to one who might be freighted.




         A traveller of land and time,
                                                                ­                   Of silver and gold and sweat and grime,

Of ash and coal and dirt and dust,

Of pain, of love of hope and ******.



Heat deserted,
                  The forest at night,
The winter day at last is light.


The trees will revive from their death of endless time,
The rivers will become that of a diamond mine.


the earth in all it ever should have been,
Ever lasting beauty without any pain,
Animals and nature together as one,
Humanity destroyed this world,
Industrialisation has began.

A world too pure for our kind,

Beauty and hope for all animal minds,
I wish to live among  this world in peace,
Without humanity and it's pain and grief.
Eloi Jan 2017
This is the place where he lay his head,
When he went to bed at night,
And this is the place our demons  were derived
Candles lit the room at night.
this is the place where he cut his wrists
That odd and fateful night.

This is the place where we used to live,
I paid for it with love and blood,
And these are the boxes that he kept on the shelf,
Filled with his poetry and stuff.

this is the room where he took the razor,
And cut his  wrists that strange and fateful night.

I never would have started if I'd known
That it'd end this way.

His body didn't last forever,
It decomposed with time.
But the memories I'll always treasure,
Will last me until the day that I die.
Jan 2017 · 568
House of marble
Eloi Jan 2017
How wonderful is this life,
Wonderfully painful,
Wonderfully woeful,
Wonderfully draining.


The Chandelier hangs above my head,
Twinkling and shining like a thousand diamonds,
I wonder,
Would it hold my weight?
Would I be able to finally come to the end?

Anticipation.
Adrenaline.
Mystery.

The chandelier is always there,
Along with the fan in the marble pained kitchen,
All options.
Never going anywhere,
I could finish it all whenever I wished to.

And I did wish to,
When I next felt the need to,
I would.

I will.
Jan 2017 · 380
I do not know how.
Eloi Jan 2017
I do not know how to channel a love that I wish that I did not have for you,

I don't know how to uplift my mood when I miss you each new day,

I do not know how I am to get over this,
I do not know how I am going to recover from it,
I don't know how to love someone new,
I don't know how to not wish they were you.

I don't know how to live a life that you are not in.
Jan 2017 · 590
silent truth
Eloi Jan 2017
Thin, gaunt and brittle,
eyes blue, blood begins to trickle.

Fingers stained by cigarettes and dirt,
Self inflicted malnourishment,
your body hurts.

Mind like a spiderweb,
you're trapped inside,
destined to die there,
until the end of time.

you're beautiful,
a delight to the eyes.

However, it's miss leading.
i saw you on the pavement bleeding,
sickened by the thought of eating.

Starve again, day by day,
until any weight fades away.

Using drugs as a way to lose weight,
as well as using them to keep your mind straight,
there's nothing left of you,
the pain has become you,
you'll die in this state,

*it will be your fate.
this poem is written about myself,
and the struggles that I've one through, and am still undergoing.
Jan 2017 · 2.7k
schizophrenia is back
Eloi Jan 2017
schizophrenia is back.

I talk to the creature sat at the end of my bed,
He takes his hands and places them on my head,
I cry into his palms,
He is humble,
He is kind,
The only vision that has been in the whole of my life.

I tell him my troubles,
My worries,
My pain,
He whispers and tells me to keep being sane.

I tell him I lost my mind a long time ago,
He says
"Oh my dear, no.  You are the one who's sane amoung a world that is crazy. Take this your gift and let your life flow."

He tucks me into bed,
Wipes my eyes,
Tells me to never believe anyone's lies,
He leaves me now,
Walks away,
I close my eyes,
And drift away.

After a lifetime of "my gift" giving me grief,
Pain, despair, and broken belief,
The creature he showed me,
That not all is bad,
There is hope still,
maybe I'm really not mad.
Dec 2016 · 682
Wildflowers
Eloi Dec 2016
head hung low
where the road leads I will go,
it's a hard and a crooked life
when you're a dead man's unwedded bride.

the day moves slow,
where the road leads no one knows,
it's a hard and a crooked life
when you're a dead man's unwedded bride.

down by the road sits a man,
who's gray and old,
says the hardest thing I know
is to see your loved ones go.

where the wildflowers grow,
there's a lake that's dark deep and cold,
there I shall lay my bones.

down I go,
going to  lay my bruised bones,
and the hardest thing they'll know,
Is to have to let me go.
Dec 2016 · 646
Runaway, child
Eloi Dec 2016
Run away, child,
Don't let me in,
I'm a demon,
I'm a devil,
I'll teach you how to sin.

Run away, little son,
Don't look into my eyes,
They are black-blue, they are deadly,
And full of dangerous lies.

Run away, little daughter,
Before your mind I will slaughter,
My existence knows no love,
I was expelled from above.

You can never run away,
Your mind is my slave,
I will haunt you until you die,
Never to leave your side.

Run away, child.
While you're still alive.
Demonic posession
Dec 2016 · 532
Hostage
Eloi Dec 2016
Held hostage.
I am one,
With the monster who has a gun,
Through my veins shoots adrenaline,
I taste bitter blood on my tongue.

Silence kept,
Not even the sound of breath,
He creeps near,
Surrounding me with fear.

A mask of a joker,
He wears on his face,
With blood dripping from his teeth,
And a cloak to hide his disgrace.

He's hunched over,
Walking on all fours,
I'm chained up,
Against two old steel doors.

Hanging there waiting,
For the knife to strike,
He holds it near my throat,
I try to fight.

Despite my efforts,
His knife does its job,
It slices my throat,
I fall to the floor,
Breathing no more.

A distraction was the gun,
To hide from me the real danger,
People are like this,
Even some strangers.

Be careful what you wish for,
I welcomed death a thousand times a day,
But when it came,
In that Crimson way,
I wanted nothing more,
Than to be able to stay.
Dec 2016 · 696
until death do us part
Eloi Dec 2016
The foetus has a swollen face,
And Long stiff limbs,
eyes are black pits
Of a crimson dream.

The hair is long
Still smells like mud,
Foetus  answered to my kiss
With a rotten tongue.

No death can Tear us apart,
Foetus's body is cold,
its gonna get colder,
my love will ignite, what was left to smoulder.

I move my hips,
Inside her I am home,
I'll keep on loving,
Till the marrow dries from her bones.

All the blatant day, I stay by her side,
death has a claim,
And a right to my bride.

I shut the stubborn old doors,
Pull the curtains and hide,
I heard something moving
Somewhere outside.

death comes  sneaking in,
Trough the keyholes
He's clever and he knows
What's beneath the floorboards.

Death comes to feast,
Like a greedy hungry beast,
He wants it all
And here he crawls,
To the foetus, to my bride,
To my lover no more.
Dec 2016 · 724
Walls of paranoia
Eloi Dec 2016
You sit in a room that's dark,
It's silent, pitch black.
in hope of hiding from the chaotic tragedy of the world around you.

A creak in the floorboards due to the natural rotting of a beam that has stood for too long, becomes a demonic presence creeping towards you.
Your mind becomes the origin of paranoia itself.

What was once your home has become a prison,
Your own mind keeps you inside the walls of the voices that you hear and illusions that you see.

******* will do that to you,
But if they try hard enough, so can people.

People can drive you to the point where you see things where there's nothing but empty space,
And to a place where not even the moments before you fall asleep are silent.

A sewn up mouth to stop you from telling their secrets, you'll never unwind the truth that you live to anyone who could help.

Isolation will destroy you, eventually.
This explains exactly how I feel at the moment, the world is so corrupt
Nov 2016 · 532
Blood like rain
Eloi Nov 2016
Blood like rain come down,
On the grave and the ground,
Universe is hostile,
So impersonal,
We must devour in order to survive.
Neither the brave nor the bold
Will write the story as it should be told,
I won't give a moment of silence until the blood is flowing.

Vicariously I live,
While my whole world dies.
Oct 2016 · 388
Forty six and two
Eloi Oct 2016
Shedding skin and
I've been picking
Scabs again.
I'm down
Digging through
My old muscles
Looking for a clue.

I've been crawling on my belly
Clearing out what could've been.
I've been wallowing in my own chaotic confused
And insecure delusions.

I choose to live and to Grow,
take and give and to
Cry, **** and die and to
Be paranoid and to
Lie,
And hate and fear people who are near to me.

Isolation is the key to suicide.
Oct 2016 · 571
A hole burnt between us
Eloi Oct 2016
I know the pieces fit because I watched them fall away.

Mildewed and smoldering. We are Fundamentally differing.

Pure intention against lustful feelings will set two lovers souls in motion.

Disintegrating as neither one of us can kiss each others lips.

The light that fueled our fire then has burned a hole between us.

We cannot seem to reach an end to our crippling  communication.

No fault,
There's  none to blame,
it doesn't mean I don't desire to Point the finger,
Or blame the other,
or to watch the temple topple over.
But I won't,
I'll take the blame,
I'll call it quits,
What's a game of Russian roulette if nobody wins?
Oct 2016 · 350
khalessi
Eloi Oct 2016
the crack of ice beneath a footstep as light as a feather,
how thin the ice?


albino child,
******* daughter.
white hair, red eyes, outcast,
no one wants her.

she's graceful, and kind,
her beauty is fulfilling enough to curse you blind,
though who would see it?
no one wants a ******* daughter.

so she will grow alone,
and die alone,
no family to love,
no place to call home.

no funeral,
no burial,
no tombstone.

just death.
Oct 2016 · 493
Death
Eloi Oct 2016
Wouldn't death be beautiful,
It calls me now,
I must go.
Oct 2016 · 580
The Devils tongue
Eloi Oct 2016
The devil's tongue is long and rotten,
Do you remember or have you forgotten?
The games we played with him in the rain, it's all the same,
It's all the same.

I was a child,
Not long ago.
the devil haunted me,
He Followed me home.

I'll go
Where, I don't know
But I'll go,
If I have to,
To get away from him.

The wave was a torture
Of flesh and blood and bone,
He came into me and out of me
Forsaking every law.
Oct 2016 · 310
Silence
Eloi Oct 2016
Silence won't defend us in the sacred wars of our minds,
Time holds the only key to how we might survive.

A deafening screech won't keep us safe from whatever is under our beds,
stars are the ones who lost their sanity, their minds and their heads.

Oak tree, old and bold,
Green are his leaves,
Brown is his soul.
His mind is wise,
From the beginning of time,
He stood,
He stands,
In His secret society's shrine.

A river that runs red,
A blood clot causes death,
The wind cries,
Time flies,
Then slows down
And passes by.

Dreams were not made for this,
Nothing was.
Oct 2016 · 444
No more sad songs
Eloi Oct 2016
No more sad songs,
No pain, no separation,
Strung out on memories, rest beneath the leaves.

"Someday" never came so I keep waiting,
I will go to sleep still believing.

No more sad poems,
Nothing anticipated
Days come and go without saying goodbye.

No more sad cigarettes,
I owe the world nothing,
I've been strung along too long to really care.

No more sad love,
I will serve no purpose,
I love everyone that I have ever known.
I lost everyone that I have ever loved.
Oct 2016 · 535
contrivision
Eloi Oct 2016
people are scary when over analysed,
every person that i touch seems far too contrived.
what are your intentions?
to feel your body on mine?
i think about you next to me too much,
want to know what love feels like.

pretend that I'm more attractive than i'll ever be,
i am worthless and crazy deluded,
enjoy my hypocrisy.

you're my downfall,
you're my muse,
my worst distraction,
my sadness and blues.
Oct 2016 · 520
Loneliness became my lover
Eloi Oct 2016
like a cat thats not yet used to its claws,
i'll hurt anyone who i try to adore.
i'll leave engravements on your back,
if you try to love me.

i may be stretched out naked over your floor,
i don't want to open your mind, i want you to open your jaw.
make me feel loved, hasn't it been long enough?

i forget how your skin felt,
how close you used to pull me,
time was against us,
with your love you would hold me.

a feeling of being wanted, i don't remember it now.
i want to feel you inside me, but you're buried in the ground.
Oct 2016 · 706
Sirens and sergeants
Eloi Oct 2016
The sirens and the sergeants dont seem to mean a thing,
Take my hand, show me the way, we are the children that fell from grace,
we are the children that can't be saved.

One more nail in the coffin, one more foot in the grave,
One more time I'm on my knees as I try to walk away from your grave.

But this has got the best of me, and I can't seem to sleep,
I've come to realise that it's not because  you're not with me, it's because  your ghost never leaves.

Everything I've loved became everything I lost
Oct 2016 · 932
Black sea
Eloi Oct 2016
Gracious grows the ghost of you,
I will never forget the plans, the
Silhouettes you drew of me are still here.

Black Sea, I failed to be a light you found in love.
Black Sea, the monster killed the melody you loved.

death moves amongst us,
And with such ease the poems that you wrote to me still sing.


I have a grave to dig, fast moving feet,
Next to your tomb stone I weep.

You gave me light,
Where it once was gone.
I made a bed,
Where you don't belong.

Living without him,
Living at all,
Seems to slow me down.
Sep 2016 · 760
Melancholy
Eloi Sep 2016
This debilitating cynicism leaves me throwing fists,
blindly, unkindly I deliberately hide so that you cant find me.

Unmentionable, the seeking of attention that we require,
and I impede my own desires with a silent fear of fire.

Hold me higher than your loved ones,
mask my bad intentions.
I wish I was as pure as my lustless suggestions.

You try to fall, I’ll hold you back.
I surround  myself with your artifacts.
My mind wanders with a sense of urgency.
I watched you fade away from me.

I discreetly try to imbibe the origins of your resentment.
Above me you reside as I strive for mere acceptance.

Escaping dignity, I ruined the bridges I built,
and bruised by your excuses I melancholicly  wilt,
condemned by a guilt that I can’t abandon, My love  for you is more than a fandom.

I’ve derobed your more times with my eyes than you have with your paws,
Our time together was macabre, Showing all of our flaws.
Eloi Sep 2016
I hurt myself again today,
To see if I still feel pain.
The needle tears a hole,
The old familiar sting ,
Try to **** myself again,
But it's just another fail.

What did you become?
My sweetest friend,
Everyone I love, dies and goes away
In the end.

you left me it all,
In our empire of dirt,
you killed yourself, you let me down,
you made me hurt.

I wear this crown of thorns,
my self destruction affair,
Full of broken thoughts,
That I cannot repair.

Beneath the stains of time,
They said that The feelings would disappear,
You are dead and gone,
But I am still right here.

If I could start again with you,
A million miles away,
I would keep you so safe,
I would find a way,
To make sure that you stayed.

Why wasn't I good enough to save you from destruction?
I pray for the rain,
Are you up there?
Do you listen?

They say that if you **** yourself,
You will be sent to hell,
But God, were you an angel,
Beautifully, brokenly, emptily impelled.
The death of a loved one can cause you to want to die too, self destruction becomes the only reason that you live.
Sep 2016 · 540
New almahabre
Eloi Sep 2016
heartbreak has  changed me,
i was crazy for you,
it's a sad world we were raised in,
They let us fade into something new.
Eloi Sep 2016
I want to be haunted,
I want to be loved,
I want a lot of friends,
And a lot of drugs.

I want to be haunted,
I won't leave my bed,
I'm already crazy,
I'm already sad.

I don’t want to go to sleep,
And I don’t want to dream,
I want to feel alive, I want to feel free.

Waking up in Floating above the sheets on my bed,
Something tells me I’m losing my head.
I'll just snort more Coke, cut my skin and try my best to die again.

The world is ending in my dreams,
Every day for the last few weeks.
When it really ends they’ll fill my body with flames,
You and I will be a household name.
Sep 2016 · 1.4k
Kill me before I kill myself
Eloi Sep 2016
I'm here all by myself
These white walls have personalities, my heart is starting to melt.
so I smoke ****** from a pipe,
My lungs are rust
Take a line of Coke,
My brain is dust from all of these drugs.

I can't think straight,
I'll walk the plank.
I'll Spill my blood so sharks will come and Devour my broken bones whole.

In between hell and Earth I walk the line of the silver blade against my thigh,
My body is alive but my mind won't survive.

I feel a galaxy's worth of emotions,
Dump me in the ocean,
I'm drowning again
i can't any longer pretend that I am  my own friend.

If a gunman threatened me, I'd tell him to feel free to shoot me,
I don't want to be alive.
each day I struggle to survive, snorting 6 or 7 lines a day to keep my suicidal thoughts away.

to die in the ocean would be so beautiful.
any form of death would be.
How I feel about my life
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