Flashback to 1999,
It's the summer,
Not a cloud in the sky.
Present day,
Things have changed,
Summer's over
And it rains here every day.

Don't cry,
We all make mistakes from time to time.
Unfortunately, for me,
Being me was mine.

But how so?
I'm only 19 years old.
I used to be so happy,
until the day the sun stopped rising.

The candle light flickers,
Casting shadows around the room,
The warmth that it creates,
Fills my bedroom tomb.

I lay here paralised,
Thinking about all of your lies,
Pretending to myself that it's not worth it to cry.
But still, I cry, despite my efforts to try not to.

The stream of tears flows down my face,
And I feel the heat of it on my cheek,
And taste the salty taste.

I burn the poems you wrote me,
Telling me of love and of honesty,
Because you weren't honest with me,
And in love you never will be.

sweet children, pay attention closely
I'm the voice out of the pillow
i've brought something for you
i've ripped and teared it out of my brest,
with this heart i've got the power
to extort the eyelids.
i sing till the day wakes up
a bright glimpse by the firmament
my heart is burning.

they come to you by night
demons, ghosts, black fairies
they crawl out of the shaft of the cellar and basement
and will see you under your bedding.


my heart's burning

they come to you by night,
and steal your small hot tears,
they wait until the moon wakes up
and press them in my cold veins.

death welcomed me,
But didn't let me die yet.

A blackened sky is on the rise,
What will it mean for you and I?
The sea will part,
And then reprise,
Please don't return to the sky tonight.

I've been stuck in the middle pages,
Hung up on a cross that I created,
Built out of the bones that I've been breaking.
life's not out to get you,
Despite the things you've been through,
Because what you give is what you get,
And it doesn't matter what you do.

Sometimes things will bend you,
But trust me you'll be fine,
I've been moving mountains that I once had to climb.

You Won't Meet A Girl Sat In Your Room Listening To Music,
But Some Songs Can Still Give You Butterflies

It's just another ******* poem that rhymes the words 'miss' and 'kiss'.
I know it's easy, but I can't help but relate to this.
I don't even apply these words to a specific person,
but when you're feeling this lonely the relevance worsens.

I just miss affection, with pure intention.

I wish there was a way to explain the pain,
To someone who might feel the same,
But there's not.

So I continue to fight this tiring game,
A game of blades and sleepless days.

A game of bags under eyes and suit less ties,
Because my mind wanders why I'm alive.

I wish to find a day where I feel I want to stay in this world

I know the pieces fit because I watched them fall away.

Mildewed and smoldering. We are Fundamentally differing.

Pure intention against lustful feelings will set two lovers souls in motion.

Disintegrating as neither one of us can kiss each others lips.

The light that fueled our fire then has burned a hole between us.

We cannot seem to reach an end to our crippling  communication.

No fault,
There's  none to blame,
it doesn't mean I don't desire to Point the finger,
Or blame the other,
or to watch the temple topple over.
But I won't,
I'll take the blame,
I'll call it quits,
What's a game of Russian roulette if nobody wins?

Alex is the best, even when she wants to die.
The whole world sits and waits, 'until she doesn't want to die.
We're both only sixteen, skipping class to smoke ****.
In her brother's house, we saw it on TV, we left immediately.

And the light comes through the window and shines,
Off the stem of her brother's crackpipe.

Alex is my friend, we meet up after school
Her brother knows a guy, who can sell me lots of pills
Lying on her back, she says she wants to die
Then she buys a gram of coke, and she doesn’t want to die.

Summer storm makes for a blackened sky
I wonder where Alex is tonight

Am I crazy?
I see people, who aren't really there.
They talk to me, whispering things in my ear.

Shhh,
Don't tell anyone.
They'll lock you back up,
No discretion, but you just have bad luck.

They tell me I'm psychotic,
And dose me up on meds,
To make me feel "sane" again,
Their lies I will be fed.

But I've been there before, I've seen the road and I've been through the doors,
Seconds feel like years when you're in an asylum,
Your heart they will pour.

Don't call me schizophrenic,
Because I swear that I'm not,
I know the people that I see,
Were  once alive like me.

Mother you should watch your girl tonight,
She's beautiful,  and it's misleading
I Saw her on the sidewalk bleeding,
Sickened by the thought of eating,
This pressure on perfection has got to end,
Before she ends up dead.

I'll hold my head up high,
And pretend not to cry,
But when I go inside,
My feelings are deprived.

How do you hide a suicidal tendency?
It's just the effect of the end of you and me.
Time takes forever to go by,
I sit here and I wonder why.

I'm peeling the skin off my face
Because I really hate being safe
The normals, they make me afraid
The crazies, they make me feel sane

I'm insane, maybe , I'm mad,
The craziest friend that you've ever had,

You think I'm ******, you think I'm gone,

Tell the psychiatrist something is wrong,

You said I was " Over the bend, entirely bonkers"

You like me best when I'm off my rocker
So I'll Tell you a secret, I'm not alarmed

So what if I'm crazy? The best people are

Where is my prescription?
Doctor, doctor please listen
My brain is scattered
You can be Alice,
I'll be the mad hatter.

You'll try to lock me up,
And tell me to keep my mouth shut,
These visions that I'm seeing are slowly but surely decreasing.

I see a man with yellow eyes,
He's scratching at his own face,
He tells me to run but I know they'll try to chase.

So I stay locked up,
Kept quiet and buckle up,
For the next therapy session,
Where they'll tell me I'm  crazy with discretion.

Sublime, subtle, soft.
When I saw your body for the first time,
I realised how you were never fine,
I saw how many battles you fought,

On your arms,
Your thighs,
Your sides,
Your lovely sides.

And I loved you more for every single mark that you felt burdened your beautiful body,

The perfection in your skin complexion and the paleness of you, only made me want to hold you closer to warm you.

And let nothing harm you, not anything, not even yourself.

Never again.

Gracious grows the ghost of you,
I will never forget the plans, the
Silhouettes you drew of me are still here.

Black Sea, I failed to be a light you found in love.
Black Sea, the monster killed the melody you loved.

death moves amongst us,
And with such ease the poems that you wrote to me still sing.


I have a grave to dig, fast moving feet,
Next to your tomb stone I weep.

You gave me light,
Where it once was gone.
I made a bed,
Where you don't belong.

Living without him,
Living at all,
Seems to slow me down.

I don't believe in the secrets you keep
But I do want to  know
How do you sleep at night?

And I'm over you, congratulations.
Thank you for all the pain,
Because  it made it be so much more fun

There's nothing to say now,
The feelings are already dead,
And I don't believe theres a way now,
All that is said has been said.

I'm waiting for another day,
another way,
I don't believe that you can make all the pain go away,
So I'll leave it all behind, but I'm leaving with blood in my eyes.

Crimson and bare as I stand,
Yours completely,
Blinded by your ever lasting beauty.

Pale white and fragile skinned,
Waiting for the pain to begin,
I'll leave it all behind,
But I will be leaving with blood in my eyes.

Blood like rain come down,
On the grave and the ground,
Universe is hostile,
So impersonal,
We must devour in order to survive.
Neither the brave nor the bold
Will write the story as it should be told,
I won't give a moment of silence until the blood is flowing.

Vicariously I live,
While my whole world dies.

Cold hearted,
Iced blood,
These feelings of pain, come in like a flood.

Blue veins,
****** lips,
Take some more pills, go for a kip.

Visable rib cage,
Hunched back,
Skin and bones,
Smoke some crack.

Black eyes,
Bruised lies,
Smoking in chains to pass the time.

Winter comes,
Cold and ******,
I sit here alone,
Waiting for you to come home.


Christmas arrives,
I wonder why,
You had to leave,
And no longer breathe.

So, I'll stay in bed all day,
Put the gifts away,
And remember the day,
That you said you'd stay.

Blue lips,
Blue veins,
Blue,
The colour of our planet from far far away.

He was a child of the seas who had a price to pay.

The pictures in his mind arose
And he began to breathe,
no one saw and no one heard,
They just followed the lead,
The pictures in his mind awoke
And began to breed

They started off beneath the knowledge tree,
And they chopped it down to make a picket fence,
And marching along the railroad tracks,
They smiled real wide for the camera lenses
As they made it past the enemy lines
Just to become enslaved in the assembly lines

Cold hearted,
Iced blood,
These feelings of pain, come in like a flood.

Blue veins,
****** lips,
Take some more pills, go for a kip.

Visable rib cage,
Hunched back,
Skin and bones,
Smoke some crack.

Black eyes,
Bruised lies,
Smoking in chains to pass the time.

Winter comes,
Cold and ******,
I sit here alone,
Waiting for you to come home.


Christmas arrives,
I wonder why,
You had to leave,
And no longer breathe.

So, I'll stay in bed all day,
Put the gifts away,
And remember the day,
That you said you'd stay.

Cold hearted,
Iced blood,
These feelings of pain, come in like a flood.

Blue veins,
****** lips,
Take some more pills, go for a kip.

Visable rib cage,
Hunched back,
Skin and bones,
Smoke some crack.

Black eyes,
Bruised lies,
Smoking in chains to pass the time.

Winter comes,
Cold and ******,
I sit here alone,
Waiting for you to come home.


Christmas arrives,
I wonder why,
You had to leave,
And no longer breathe.

So, I'll stay in bed all day,
Put the gifts away,
And remember the day,
That you said you'd stay.

Self medicate, while we sleep we let the night chase evil things away,


Burst into flames,
Scream in the dark
I'm gonna light up this place
And die in beautiful stars
Tonight

You left me behind along with all of your things,
A day like today with the sun the horizon brings.
Early hours of the morning they found me mourning, they found you then and then their worlds started falling.

Lifeless and cold,
No future to hold,
You couldn't see past your worries and pain.

It hurts to know that you felt so alone,
But hurts even more to know that you couldn't see that I was always there for you.

One day we will be re United, but until that day comes,
I'll look upon the sun to take the pain away.

How do you sleep while the rest of us cry?
How do you walk with your head held high?
Don't you feel the pain that we all do at night?
don't ever again look me in the eye.

I realised that you can love someone so much,
But you can never love them as much as you can miss them, I've learnt that he hard way.

Time doesn't heal things,
I wish I had you here to sing.
Pain doesn't wash away in the rain,
I've tried that a thousand times to the day.

People will give you an understanding look,
But never will they know the pain that you undertook.

One day,
We hope,
The pain might fade,
But until that day,
I'll keep your memory at bay.

I watch as the heat  on the window from where your hand has been 5 seconds previous to now fades.

Your finger prints linger there, begging for someone to notice them.

I see your blackened silhouette submerge into the forest as you walk away,
I know now, I'll never see you again.


My body will be a deadweight on velveteen,
A carcass full of memories of you,
Pure and true.

If you hadn't have left,
I wouldn't be found dead,
But the time has come to leave and I cannot wait any longer.

Prepare for the news, it will hit you hard,
I'll make you go mad, the way you did me,

Insanity insanity,
What a beautiful thing it is to be insane.

Wouldn't death be beautiful,
It calls me now,
I must go.

Sliced Jugular vein
           Blue wrist
Fates fatal,cold kiss
           Body of blood
Coronation of death
           Deminishing life
The rotting smell of flesh

Ceased to survive
             Smouldering corpse
Decaying carcass
              Unnaturally enforced
Hair of spider web
               Deaths new bride
Funeral of the pulse
               Riddled with acide

Creature of havoc
                Crawls into bones
Eyes of maggots
                Crumbling tomb stone
Laying in the pits
                The worms eating brains
Bound there forever
                 Until crumbling from deaths chains.

I woke up late last night,
To a bright burning light,
Heard people talking,
People fighting,
the world turned upside down.

I Wake up,
Then Black out.
How many hours has it been?
3? Maybe 4?
The light is gone,
It's all dark now,
The voices have quietened,
And the fighting has stopped.
I'm alone.

I thought I was in pain when the commotion was going on,
When the fighting was all around me,
When there was fire as the sky.

But I can tell you now,
That nothing is as painful as no one being around, as there being no noise,
And nothing is worse than being lonely.

Blatant,
Hold your cigarette upside down,
Blow the smoke out of your ears,
Wash the dirt out of the ground.

Wear your black bandana backwards,
Wear your heart upon your sleeve,
Keep your back straight at the table,
Before you're forced to leave.

Keep a knife in your knuckles,
Pressing intensely against your skin,
Keep your mind set on finding what you'll never find again,
Keep your head above the water,
Keep your eyes out of the ash,
Keep your frown as permanent as ever,
Keep on wearing this your mask.

Permission from no one to do nothing more than you do,
To  follow this path of nothingness that you so willingly would choose.

Aspirations have no meaning to you,
This world is not your lover,
You do not want a piece of it,
You'll just take your hibernative cover.

See a room filled with smoke,
Ash overseas the ground,
Dirt underneath your fingernails,
This dark fate that you have found.

You write poems to no one about nothing and keep candle light at bay,
Telling yourself that this is your life and that you're happy just this way.

Blackened under eyes  from a definitive lack of sleep,
But irises so bright that will never be defeat.

I love you my woeful lover,
Please look after yourself,
These cigarettes will **** you,
Before you **** yourself.

I want to be haunted,
I want to be loved,
I want a lot of friends,
And a lot of drugs.

I want to be haunted,
I won't leave my bed,
I'm already crazy,
I'm already sad.

I don’t want to go to sleep,
And I don’t want to dream,
I want to feel alive, I want to feel free.

Waking up in Floating above the sheets on my bed,
Something tells me I’m losing my head.
I'll just snort more Coke, cut my skin and try my best to die again.

The world is ending in my dreams,
Every day for the last few weeks.
When it really ends they’ll fill my body with flames,
You and I will be a household name.

Edward,

I see
           You
Withered
Rope torn neck
Blood shot eyes
             You
With Rotten fingers
With a Chelsea cut smile
         And you
With your insides spilled on the ground
        Purple neck
Bruised
And a chair that was high
And a ceiling that held you at your weakest moment
You wanted to bruise your immortality
You wanted to fly
Look at me now
Dying for you
Cut
Cut and cut
And ridged sides
And blood soaked sheets


And I see you
Dead
Dead dead
Dead
Seeing something new
You
With a black tongue
Oozing from your mouth
Blood and gauze
Barbed wire stapling you to me
And I’m cut
Bleeding from every pore
Every seem
And I cut
My wrist
My thigh
And still you are
Dead
Dead
Dead
And I wish too to be
Dead,
Dead,
Dead.

I see
You
Teeth dangling from your gums on strings
And sewn up eyes
And peeling skin
Flaking ash over me
Burning me
Plaguing me with sores
War torn face
****** creature
Worm infested
And mildew
Drenched with blood
Spilled
From me
From my wrist
And
You
At 18
With dead eyes
And dead skin
And a dead body
And me
At 16
Dying body
Bleeding wrist
Broken soul
Smouldering in your fire.
All
Dead,
Dead,
Dead.

My body aches at the fact that I can't have you here to hold or have you here to call my own.
I wish to tell you that I love you so,
But you live so far and I'm so cold.

We are so similar yet so far from each other,
To fall asleep next to you or just to be near.
I hope one day I will meet you and be able to say that you're so perfect in every single way.

Never have I seen someone so similar to me,
Someone who loves everyone else for a cost but hates themselves for free.

I never thought that I would feel so strongly about you when we first talked,
But since then I have learnt to cry and also learnt how to walk.

Because one day I will be with you, but until that day comes, I will look upon the sun to let us truly be in love.

The sun rises,
The Skies' awake,
Another soul, they will take.

The tide goes out,
And then retreats,
The tiny *****, it defeats.

The daylight brightens,
The night is over,
It is finally time, to take cover.

The reapers are descending,
To be Nice people they're pretending,
They deny themselves, of who they are;
So they will always get so far,
They attack your soul,
And drain your heart,
Of everything you've learnt so far,

So take cover,
Under the waves of the water,
And drown yourself,
In the sunlight's faulter.

Such a pain tears me from the inside out,
It makes me want to pull my hair from my head and claw my eyes out.
I scream and cry and shout but nothin relieves the pain except cutting my skin again.

******* hollow inside my thoughts are invaded by a therapist who thinks I'm insane,

Insane

I hurt myself again today,
To see if I still feel pain.
The needle tears a hole,
The old familiar sting ,
Try to **** myself again,
But it's just another fail.

What did you become?
My sweetest friend,
Everyone I love, dies and goes away
In the end.

you left me it all,
In our empire of dirt,
you killed yourself, you let me down,
you made me hurt.

I wear this crown of thorns,
my self destruction affair,
Full of broken thoughts,
That I cannot repair.

Beneath the stains of time,
They said that The feelings would disappear,
You are dead and gone,
But I am still right here.

If I could start again with you,
A million miles away,
I would keep you so safe,
I would find a way,
To make sure that you stayed.

Why wasn't I good enough to save you from destruction?
I pray for the rain,
Are you up there?
Do you listen?

They say that if you **** yourself,
You will be sent to hell,
But God, were you an angel,
Beautifully, brokenly, emptily impelled.

All of  the rowboats in the paintings
They keep trying to row away,
And the captains' worried faces
Stay contorted and staring at the waves.

They’ll keep hanging in their gold frames
For forever, forever and a day.
All of the rowboats in the oil paintings,
They keep trying to row away.

I Hear them whispering, French and German.
Dutch, Italian, and Latin.

When no one’s looking I touch a sculpture
Marble, cold and soft as satin.

But the most special are the most lonely
God, I pity the violins.

In glass coffins they keep coughing
They’ve forgotten how to sing.


First there’s lights out, then there’s lock up,
Masterpieces serving maximum sentences.

It’s their own fault for being timeless,
There’s a price to pay and a consequence.

All the galleries, the museums
Here’s your ticket, welcome to the tombs.

They are just public mausoleums,
The living dead fill every room

Suicidal tenencies follow me around,
I felt it so strong once that I took enough pills that my body started to drown.
I felt it again enough to make me hang from a rope, but still here I am, and I have no more hope.

A song that kept me going, "hold on until May"
I told myself that twenty times a day,
and when May came there was nothing else to hold on for,
So I held on to the rope, and tried to let it all go.

That song still haunts me to this day,
Every time I hear it I cry endlessly.
Time doesn't heal things.

Hold your breathe,
Count to 10,
Close your eyes,
Start again.

Hold back the tears,
**** your fears,
Your mind is alive,
Don't let it deprive.

Hold yourself together,
He said it was forever,
No one could see,
It wasn't your destiny.

My blood,
Is like honey on bones.
It drips down my wrist,
like ice cream from a cone.

I do not know how to channel a love that I wish that I did not have for you,

I don't know how to uplift my mood when I miss you each new day,

I do not know how I am to get over this,
I do not know how I am going to recover from it,
I don't know how to love someone new,
I don't know how to not wish they were you.

I don't know how to live a life that you are not in.

i don't know anyone i am

We weren't what everyone would think to be in love,


We would        sit for hours without talking,                just      looking at eachother.
In Silence.

                               How many   Nights did we                          Spend  staring at the stars,
                                    Hand in hand,
     Head on your chest, I heard your heart pound.


We weren't romantic love songs and picnics in the park,
              
                 We were ****** wrists and visible bones, bones that we loved of eachother so much.

We never said any vowes  or declarations,
            Yet        We knew eachother inside out,


                      In depth.


                                             We were never about sweet nothings, but about raw truth and love,
                  

           Spent days
Learning you, studying you,

                       I knew your every thought,
As you knew mine,


                             We spoke of every night that we slept alone and longed for someone just to hold.



           See,


                          We were both just lonely, eternally, internally.
                  We just needed someone to know us, to know our sadness,

                  To be our happiness,




You
                    Were
                     ­                             Mine.

I woke up this morning wanting to cry,
and when I called him I realised why.
Although he was honest, he spoke with a cold tongue.
I broke down in the courtyard when it came to light,
He broke every promise in the space of one night.
He made me hate this city, immediately.
I thought he was something else,
but as it turns out he was just someone else.

She is never there,
Ghost lover extrordinare,
Kisses nothing but air,
And I love her.

Light up another cigarette,
It's all I do since you left,
Hold a gun to my head,
No promises were ever kept.

Finish off another whiskey bottle,
Around my neck a rope will throttle,
Time doesn't heal things,
I wish I had you here to sing.

I keep your notes locked away;
For when I miss you the next day,
I'll read your words and sing your songs,
Then spark up another ****.

So what if these things are killing me?
I'm dying everyday that you're not with me,
I wanted a future with you,
But now all we have is history.