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Eloi Jul 2016
Flashback to 1999,
It's the summer,
Not a cloud in the sky.
Present day,
Things have changed,
Summer's over
And it rains here every day.

Don't cry,
We all make mistakes from time to time.
Unfortunately, for me,
Being me was mine.

But how so?
I'm only 19 years old.
I used to be so happy,
until the day the sun stopped rising.
Eloi Jun 2016
The candle light flickers,
Casting shadows around the room,
The warmth that it creates,
Fills my bedroom tomb.

I lay here paralised,
Thinking about all of your lies,
Pretending to myself that it's not worth it to cry.
But still, I cry, despite my efforts to try not to.

The stream of tears flows down my face,
And I feel the heat of it on my cheek,
And taste the salty taste.

I burn the poems you wrote me,
Telling me of love and of honesty,
Because you weren't honest with me,
And in love you never will be.
Notes I wrote at 3:25am
Eloi Sep 2016
sweet children, pay attention closely
I'm the voice out of the pillow
i've brought something for you
i've ripped and teared it out of my brest,
with this heart i've got the power
to extort the eyelids.
i sing till the day wakes up
a bright glimpse by the firmament
my heart is burning.

they come to you by night
demons, ghosts, black fairies
they crawl out of the shaft of the cellar and basement
and will see you under your bedding.


my heart's burning

they come to you by night,
and steal your small hot tears,
they wait until the moon wakes up
and press them in my cold veins.

death welcomed me,
But didn't let me die yet.
Eloi Jun 2016
A blackened sky is on the rise,
What will it mean for you and I?
The sea will part,
And then reprise,
Please don't return to the sky tonight.
Eloi Jun 2016
I've been stuck in the middle pages,
Hung up on a cross that I created,
Built out of the bones that I've been breaking.
life's not out to get you,
Despite the things you've been through,
Because what you give is what you get,
And it doesn't matter what you do.

Sometimes things will bend you,
But trust me you'll be fine,
I've been moving mountains that I once had to climb.
Eloi Jun 2016
You Won't Meet A Girl Sat In Your Room Listening To Music,
But Some Songs Can Still Give You Butterflies

It's just another ******* poem that rhymes the words 'miss' and 'kiss'.
I know it's easy, but I can't help but relate to this.
I don't even apply these words to a specific person,
but when you're feeling this lonely the relevance worsens.

I just miss affection, with pure intention.
Eloi Jun 2016
I wish there was a way to explain the pain,
To someone who might feel the same,
But there's not.

So I continue to fight this tiring game,
A game of blades and sleepless days.

A game of bags under eyes and suit less ties,
Because my mind wanders why I'm alive.

I wish to find a day where I feel I want to stay in this world
Eloi Oct 2016
I know the pieces fit because I watched them fall away.

Mildewed and smoldering. We are Fundamentally differing.

Pure intention against lustful feelings will set two lovers souls in motion.

Disintegrating as neither one of us can kiss each others lips.

The light that fueled our fire then has burned a hole between us.

We cannot seem to reach an end to our crippling  communication.

No fault,
There's  none to blame,
it doesn't mean I don't desire to Point the finger,
Or blame the other,
or to watch the temple topple over.
But I won't,
I'll take the blame,
I'll call it quits,
What's a game of Russian roulette if nobody wins?
Eloi Jun 2016
Alex is the best, even when she wants to die.
The whole world sits and waits, 'until she doesn't want to die.
We're both only sixteen, skipping class to smoke ****.
In her brother's house, we saw it on TV, we left immediately.

And the light comes through the window and shines,
Off the stem of her brother's crackpipe.

Alex is my friend, we meet up after school
Her brother knows a guy, who can sell me lots of pills
Lying on her back, she says she wants to die
Then she buys a gram of coke, and she doesn’t want to die.

Summer storm makes for a blackened sky
I wonder where Alex is tonight
Eloi Jul 2016
Am I crazy?
I see people, who aren't really there.
They talk to me, whispering things in my ear.

Shhh,
Don't tell anyone.
They'll lock you back up,
No discretion, but you just have bad luck.

They tell me I'm psychotic,
And dose me up on meds,
To make me feel "sane" again,
Their lies I will be fed.

But I've been there before, I've seen the road and I've been through the doors,
Seconds feel like years when you're in an asylum,
Your heart they will pour.

Don't call me schizophrenic,
Because I swear that I'm not,
I know the people that I see,
Were  once alive like me.
Eloi Jun 2016
Mother you should watch your girl tonight,
She's beautiful,  and it's misleading
I Saw her on the sidewalk bleeding,
Sickened by the thought of eating,
This pressure on perfection has got to end,
Before she ends up dead.
Eloi Jun 2016
I'll hold my head up high,
And pretend not to cry,
But when I go inside,
My feelings are deprived.

How do you hide a suicidal tendency?
It's just the effect of the end of you and me.
Time takes forever to go by,
I sit here and I wonder why.
Eloi Jun 2016
I'm peeling the skin off my face
Because I really hate being safe
The normals, they make me afraid
The crazies, they make me feel sane

I'm insane, maybe , I'm mad,
The craziest friend that you've ever had,

You think I'm ******, you think I'm gone,

Tell the psychiatrist something is wrong,

You said I was " Over the bend, entirely bonkers"

You like me best when I'm off my rocker
So I'll Tell you a secret, I'm not alarmed

So what if I'm crazy? The best people are

Where is my prescription?
Doctor, doctor please listen
My brain is scattered
You can be Alice,
I'll be the mad hatter.

You'll try to lock me up,
And tell me to keep my mouth shut,
These visions that I'm seeing are slowly but surely decreasing.

I see a man with yellow eyes,
He's scratching at his own face,
He tells me to run but I know they'll try to chase.

So I stay locked up,
Kept quiet and buckle up,
For the next therapy session,
Where they'll tell me I'm  crazy with discretion.
As mentioned in a few of my former poems, I suffered with schizophrenia for 2 years, in that time i was permanently hospitalised, but the things I was seeing and hearing wouldn't go away. I was even told that they were worried that I would be in there for the rest of my life. But very slowly the schizophrenia faded and I was let out.
It's been 3 years since I was released and I'm completely fine and stable now:)
Eloi Jun 2016
Sublime, subtle, soft.
When I saw your body for the first time,
I realised how you were never fine,
I saw how many battles you fought,

On your arms,
Your thighs,
Your sides,
Your lovely sides.

And I loved you more for every single mark that you felt burdened your beautiful body,

The perfection in your skin complexion and the paleness of you, only made me want to hold you closer to warm you.

And let nothing harm you, not anything, not even yourself.

Never again.
Eloi Oct 2016
Gracious grows the ghost of you,
I will never forget the plans, the
Silhouettes you drew of me are still here.

Black Sea, I failed to be a light you found in love.
Black Sea, the monster killed the melody you loved.

death moves amongst us,
And with such ease the poems that you wrote to me still sing.


I have a grave to dig, fast moving feet,
Next to your tomb stone I weep.

You gave me light,
Where it once was gone.
I made a bed,
Where you don't belong.

Living without him,
Living at all,
Seems to slow me down.
Eloi Jun 2016
I don't believe in the secrets you keep
But I do want to  know
How do you sleep at night?

And I'm over you, congratulations.
Thank you for all the pain,
Because  it made it be so much more fun

There's nothing to say now,
The feelings are already dead,
And I don't believe theres a way now,
All that is said has been said.

I'm waiting for another day,
another way,
I don't believe that you can make all the pain go away,
So I'll leave it all behind, but I'm leaving with blood in my eyes.
Eloi Jul 2016
Crimson and bare as I stand,
Yours completely,
Blinded by your ever lasting beauty.

Pale white and fragile skinned,
Waiting for the pain to begin,
I'll leave it all behind,
But I will be leaving with blood in my eyes.
Eloi Nov 2016
Blood like rain come down,
On the grave and the ground,
Universe is hostile,
So impersonal,
We must devour in order to survive.
Neither the brave nor the bold
Will write the story as it should be told,
I won't give a moment of silence until the blood is flowing.

Vicariously I live,
While my whole world dies.
Eloi Mar 2017
Whole heartedly,
I stare into  obscenity,
Nothing can stop this,
It's taking over me.

I look into the mirror,
Despising what I see,
I realise that someone else is controlling me.
Im not alone in spirit,
I'm not alone in bone,
I'm looking for a way to descend into the unknown.

I hold a knife to my neck to see if it'll bleed,
I slice my jugular vein,
More  blood I want to see.
It has become an addiction,
Unsettling to some,
To me it's the most beautiful thing that could ever have been done.

I watch myself bleed out and   Incessantly laugh,
I stand naked, bleeding into the bath.

Maniac desires to **** and be killed,
Eyes turn yellow before the bath is is filled
With blood,
With crimson blood,
My body will flood,
I dream to join a regime where it is normal to feel how I feel.

No one can know it,
No one can see,
What is this demon living inside of me?

Take it away,
Relieve the pain,
Before I bleed out,
Never to watch my blood again.
Eloi Aug 2016
Cold hearted,
Iced blood,
These feelings of pain, come in like a flood.

Blue veins,
****** lips,
Take some more pills, go for a kip.

Visable rib cage,
Hunched back,
Skin and bones,
Smoke some crack.

Black eyes,
Bruised lies,
Smoking in chains to pass the time.

Winter comes,
Cold and ******,
I sit here alone,
Waiting for you to come home.


Christmas arrives,
I wonder why,
You had to leave,
And no longer breathe.

So, I'll stay in bed all day,
Put the gifts away,
And remember the day,
That you said you'd stay.
Eloi Jun 2016
Blue lips,
Blue veins,
Blue,
The colour of our planet from far far away.

He was a child of the seas who had a price to pay.

The pictures in his mind arose
And he began to breathe,
no one saw and no one heard,
They just followed the lead,
The pictures in his mind awoke
And began to breed

They started off beneath the knowledge tree,
And they chopped it down to make a picket fence,
And marching along the railroad tracks,
They smiled real wide for the camera lenses
As they made it past the enemy lines
Just to become enslaved in the assembly lines
Eloi Jun 2016
Cold hearted,
Iced blood,
These feelings of pain, come in like a flood.

Blue veins,
****** lips,
Take some more pills, go for a kip.

Visable rib cage,
Hunched back,
Skin and bones,
Smoke some crack.

Black eyes,
Bruised lies,
Smoking in chains to pass the time.

Winter comes,
Cold and ******,
I sit here alone,
Waiting for you to come home.


Christmas arrives,
I wonder why,
You had to leave,
And no longer breathe.

So, I'll stay in bed all day,
Put the gifts away,
And remember the day,
That you said you'd stay.
Eloi Aug 2016
Cold hearted,
Iced blood,
These feelings of pain, come in like a flood.

Blue veins,
****** lips,
Take some more pills, go for a kip.

Visable rib cage,
Hunched back,
Skin and bones,
Smoke some crack.

Black eyes,
Bruised lies,
Smoking in chains to pass the time.

Winter comes,
Cold and ******,
I sit here alone,
Waiting for you to come home.


Christmas arrives,
I wonder why,
You had to leave,
And no longer breathe.

So, I'll stay in bed all day,
Put the gifts away,
And remember the day,
That you said you'd stay.
Eloi Jun 2016
Self medicate, while we sleep we let the night chase evil things away,


Burst into flames,
Scream in the dark
I'm gonna light up this place
And die in beautiful stars
Tonight
Eloi Aug 2016
You left me behind along with all of your things,
A day like today with the sun the horizon brings.
Early hours of the morning they found me mourning, they found you then and then their worlds started falling.

Lifeless and cold,
No future to hold,
You couldn't see past your worries and pain.

It hurts to know that you felt so alone,
But hurts even more to know that you couldn't see that I was always there for you.

One day we will be re United, but until that day comes,
I'll look upon the sun to take the pain away.
Eloi Nov 2018
Tell me I’m a bad person
Say that you want to harm me
Tell me that you want to alarm and disarm me
Because I like the danger
the sick sense of panic
The exciting adrenaline when things get manic
I like the walls painted with blood
And the rain to be acid
I like the burning taste of cherry antacids
And I love the feeling that you’re always near
And I really love that you’re the cause of my fear
I love the sweet chaos
And the sickening cuts
And the smoke in my eyes,
And pile of cigarette butts.
But most of all,
I love the madness
That I live in with all my sadness
Eloi Oct 2016
people are scary when over analysed,
every person that i touch seems far too contrived.
what are your intentions?
to feel your body on mine?
i think about you next to me too much,
want to know what love feels like.

pretend that I'm more attractive than i'll ever be,
i am worthless and crazy deluded,
enjoy my hypocrisy.

you're my downfall,
you're my muse,
my worst distraction,
my sadness and blues.
Eloi Aug 2016
How do you sleep while the rest of us cry?
How do you walk with your head held high?
Don't you feel the pain that we all do at night?
don't ever again look me in the eye.

I realised that you can love someone so much,
But you can never love them as much as you can miss them, I've learnt that he hard way.

Time doesn't heal things,
I wish I had you here to sing.
Pain doesn't wash away in the rain,
I've tried that a thousand times to the day.

People will give you an understanding look,
But never will they know the pain that you undertook.

One day,
We hope,
The pain might fade,
But until that day,
I'll keep your memory at bay.
Eloi Aug 2016
I watch as the heat  on the window from where your hand has been 5 seconds previous to now fades.

Your finger prints linger there, begging for someone to notice them.

I see your blackened silhouette submerge into the forest as you walk away,
I know now, I'll never see you again.


My body will be a deadweight on velveteen,
A carcass full of memories of you,
Pure and true.

If you hadn't have left,
I wouldn't be found dead,
But the time has come to leave and I cannot wait any longer.

Prepare for the news, it will hit you hard,
I'll make you go mad, the way you did me,

Insanity insanity,
What a beautiful thing it is to be insane.
Eloi Apr 2017
silenced sliced skin,
blood etching begins,
red river flows,
from my writs to toes.

a coffin to a hearse,
a killing curse,
eyes fill with tears of blood,
lay me down to descent into the mud.
Eloi Oct 2016
Wouldn't death be beautiful,
It calls me now,
I must go.
Eloi May 2018
Sliced Jugular vein
           Blue wrist
Fates fatal,cold kiss
           Body of blood
Coronation of death
           Deminishing life
The rotting smell of flesh

Ceased to survive
             Smouldering corpse
Decaying carcass
              Unnaturally enforced
Hair of spider web
               Deaths new bride
Funeral of the pulse
               Riddled with acide

Creature of havoc
                Crawls into bones
Eyes of maggots
                Crumbling tomb stone
Laying in the pits
                The worms eating brains
Bound there forever
                 Until crumbling from deaths chains.
Eloi Aug 2016
I woke up late last night,
To a bright burning light,
Heard people talking,
People fighting,
the world turned upside down.

I Wake up,
Then Black out.
How many hours has it been?
3? Maybe 4?
The light is gone,
It's all dark now,
The voices have quietened,
And the fighting has stopped.
I'm alone.

I thought I was in pain when the commotion was going on,
When the fighting was all around me,
When there was fire as the sky.

But I can tell you now,
That nothing is as painful as no one being around, as there being no noise,
And nothing is worse than being lonely.
Eloi Feb 2017
Blatant,
Hold your cigarette upside down,
Blow the smoke out of your ears,
Wash the dirt out of the ground.

Wear your black bandana backwards,
Wear your heart upon your sleeve,
Keep your back straight at the table,
Before you're forced to leave.

Keep a knife in your knuckles,
Pressing intensely against your skin,
Keep your mind set on finding what you'll never find again,
Keep your head above the water,
Keep your eyes out of the ash,
Keep your frown as permanent as ever,
Keep on wearing this your mask.

Permission from no one to do nothing more than you do,
To  follow this path of nothingness that you so willingly would choose.

Aspirations have no meaning to you,
This world is not your lover,
You do not want a piece of it,
You'll just take your hibernative cover.

See a room filled with smoke,
Ash overseas the ground,
Dirt underneath your fingernails,
This dark fate that you have found.

You write poems to no one about nothing and keep candle light at bay,
Telling yourself that this is your life and that you're happy just this way.

Blackened under eyes  from a definitive lack of sleep,
But irises so bright that will never be defeat.

I love you my woeful lover,
Please look after yourself,
These cigarettes will **** you,
Before you **** yourself.
Eloi Sep 2016
I want to be haunted,
I want to be loved,
I want a lot of friends,
And a lot of drugs.

I want to be haunted,
I won't leave my bed,
I'm already crazy,
I'm already sad.

I don’t want to go to sleep,
And I don’t want to dream,
I want to feel alive, I want to feel free.

Waking up in Floating above the sheets on my bed,
Something tells me I’m losing my head.
I'll just snort more Coke, cut my skin and try my best to die again.

The world is ending in my dreams,
Every day for the last few weeks.
When it really ends they’ll fill my body with flames,
You and I will be a household name.
Eloi Jan 2017
Insignificant emotional instability  
    Shines through me like crystallised obscenity.
  

           Hosting the pearl resembling shells that glow in the winter daylight,
                    Clasping on to the carcass of a bird once in flight.




             Haunting flames of fire burn through the showering mist,
       On one of the untimely days of winters coldest kiss.


Dance in the moonlight of an eclipse long but alive,
                   Exhaling each frosty breath to ensure that I survive.


            A wolf of ranger and stamina of all its kind ignited,
            A deeply morning sunset to one who might be freighted.




         A traveller of land and time,
                                                                ­                   Of silver and gold and sweat and grime,

Of ash and coal and dirt and dust,

Of pain, of love of hope and ******.



Heat deserted,
                  The forest at night,
The winter day at last is light.


The trees will revive from their death of endless time,
The rivers will become that of a diamond mine.


the earth in all it ever should have been,
Ever lasting beauty without any pain,
Animals and nature together as one,
Humanity destroyed this world,
Industrialisation has began.

A world too pure for our kind,

Beauty and hope for all animal minds,
I wish to live among  this world in peace,
Without humanity and it's pain and grief.
Eloi Jun 2018
Edward,

I see
           You
Withered
Rope torn neck
Blood shot eyes
             You
With Rotten fingers
With a Chelsea cut smile
         And you
With your insides spilled on the ground
        Purple neck
Bruised
And a chair that was high
And a ceiling that held you at your weakest moment
You wanted to bruise your immortality
You wanted to fly
Look at me now
Dying for you
Cut
Cut and cut
And ridged sides
And blood soaked sheets


And I see you
Dead
Dead dead
Dead
Seeing something new
You
With a black tongue
Oozing from your mouth
Blood and gauze
Barbed wire stapling you to me
And I’m cut
Bleeding from every pore
Every seem
And I cut
My wrist
My thigh
And still you are
Dead
Dead
Dead
And I wish too to be
Dead,
Dead,
Dead.

I see
You
Teeth dangling from your gums on strings
And sewn up eyes
And peeling skin
Flaking ash over me
Burning me
Plaguing me with sores
War torn face
****** creature
Worm infested
And mildew
Drenched with blood
Spilled
From me
From my wrist
And
You
At 18
With dead eyes
And dead skin
And a dead body
And me
At 16
Dying body
Bleeding wrist
Broken soul
Smouldering in your fire.
All
Dead,
Dead,
Dead.
Eloi Jun 2016
My body aches at the fact that I can't have you here to hold or have you here to call my own.
I wish to tell you that I love you so,
But you live so far and I'm so cold.

We are so similar yet so far from each other,
To fall asleep next to you or just to be near.
I hope one day I will meet you and be able to say that you're so perfect in every single way.

Never have I seen someone so similar to me,
Someone who loves everyone else for a cost but hates themselves for free.

I never thought that I would feel so strongly about you when we first talked,
But since then I have learnt to cry and also learnt how to walk.

Because one day I will be with you, but until that day comes, I will look upon the sun to let us truly be in love.
Eloi Jun 2016
The sun rises,
The Skies' awake,
Another soul, they will take.

The tide goes out,
And then retreats,
The tiny *****, it defeats.

The daylight brightens,
The night is over,
It is finally time, to take cover.

The reapers are descending,
To be Nice people they're pretending,
They deny themselves, of who they are;
So they will always get so far,
They attack your soul,
And drain your heart,
Of everything you've learnt so far,

So take cover,
Under the waves of the water,
And drown yourself,
In the sunlight's faulter.
Eloi Aug 2016
Such a pain tears me from the inside out,
It makes me want to pull my hair from my head and claw my eyes out.
I scream and cry and shout but nothin relieves the pain except cutting my skin again.

******* hollow inside my thoughts are invaded by a therapist who thinks I'm insane,

Insane
Eloi Sep 2016
I hurt myself again today,
To see if I still feel pain.
The needle tears a hole,
The old familiar sting ,
Try to **** myself again,
But it's just another fail.

What did you become?
My sweetest friend,
Everyone I love, dies and goes away
In the end.

you left me it all,
In our empire of dirt,
you killed yourself, you let me down,
you made me hurt.

I wear this crown of thorns,
my self destruction affair,
Full of broken thoughts,
That I cannot repair.

Beneath the stains of time,
They said that The feelings would disappear,
You are dead and gone,
But I am still right here.

If I could start again with you,
A million miles away,
I would keep you so safe,
I would find a way,
To make sure that you stayed.

Why wasn't I good enough to save you from destruction?
I pray for the rain,
Are you up there?
Do you listen?

They say that if you **** yourself,
You will be sent to hell,
But God, were you an angel,
Beautifully, brokenly, emptily impelled.
The death of a loved one can cause you to want to die too, self destruction becomes the only reason that you live.
Eloi Oct 2016
Shedding skin and
I've been picking
Scabs again.
I'm down
Digging through
My old muscles
Looking for a clue.

I've been crawling on my belly
Clearing out what could've been.
I've been wallowing in my own chaotic confused
And insecure delusions.

I choose to live and to Grow,
take and give and to
Cry, **** and die and to
Be paranoid and to
Lie,
And hate and fear people who are near to me.

Isolation is the key to suicide.
Eloi Jun 2016
All of  the rowboats in the paintings
They keep trying to row away,
And the captains' worried faces
Stay contorted and staring at the waves.

They’ll keep hanging in their gold frames
For forever, forever and a day.
All of the rowboats in the oil paintings,
They keep trying to row away.

I Hear them whispering, French and German.
Dutch, Italian, and Latin.

When no one’s looking I touch a sculpture
Marble, cold and soft as satin.

But the most special are the most lonely
God, I pity the violins.

In glass coffins they keep coughing
They’ve forgotten how to sing.


First there’s lights out, then there’s lock up,
Masterpieces serving maximum sentences.

It’s their own fault for being timeless,
There’s a price to pay and a consequence.

All the galleries, the museums
Here’s your ticket, welcome to the tombs.

They are just public mausoleums,
The living dead fill every room
Eloi Aug 2017
I am suppressed by my own thoughts,
And depressed by your actions,
You never practiced what you taught,
Only using small fractions.

I think too much,
And sleep too little,
I am cold to touch,
And my words are a riddle.

I drink black coffee,
And smoke like a chimney,
No one will stop me,
You'll never pin me.

There's a place in my mind,
It's dark and deprived,
I've buried it down inside,
It hates to see me alive.

I struggle to live without fear,
It's so cold it's severe.
Time isn't on my side,
I'll run,! hide.
And you won't find.
Eloi Aug 2016
Suicidal tenencies follow me around,
I felt it so strong once that I took enough pills that my body started to drown.
I felt it again enough to make me hang from a rope, but still here I am, and I have no more hope.

A song that kept me going, "hold on until May"
I told myself that twenty times a day,
and when May came there was nothing else to hold on for,
So I held on to the rope, and tried to let it all go.

That song still haunts me to this day,
Every time I hear it I cry endlessly.
Time doesn't heal things.
Eloi Jun 2016
Hold your breathe,
Count to 10,
Close your eyes,
Start again.

Hold back the tears,
**** your fears,
Your mind is alive,
Don't let it deprive.

Hold yourself together,
He said it was forever,
No one could see,
It wasn't your destiny.
Eloi Jun 2016
My blood,
Is like honey on bones.
It drips down my wrist,
like ice cream from a cone.
Eloi Dec 2016
Held hostage.
I am one,
With the monster who has a gun,
Through my veins shoots adrenaline,
I taste bitter blood on my tongue.

Silence kept,
Not even the sound of breath,
He creeps near,
Surrounding me with fear.

A mask of a joker,
He wears on his face,
With blood dripping from his teeth,
And a cloak to hide his disgrace.

He's hunched over,
Walking on all fours,
I'm chained up,
Against two old steel doors.

Hanging there waiting,
For the knife to strike,
He holds it near my throat,
I try to fight.

Despite my efforts,
His knife does its job,
It slices my throat,
I fall to the floor,
Breathing no more.

A distraction was the gun,
To hide from me the real danger,
People are like this,
Even some strangers.

Be careful what you wish for,
I welcomed death a thousand times a day,
But when it came,
In that Crimson way,
I wanted nothing more,
Than to be able to stay.
Eloi Jan 2017
How wonderful is this life,
Wonderfully painful,
Wonderfully woeful,
Wonderfully draining.


The Chandelier hangs above my head,
Twinkling and shining like a thousand diamonds,
I wonder,
Would it hold my weight?
Would I be able to finally come to the end?

Anticipation.
Adrenaline.
Mystery.

The chandelier is always there,
Along with the fan in the marble pained kitchen,
All options.
Never going anywhere,
I could finish it all whenever I wished to.

And I did wish to,
When I next felt the need to,
I would.

I will.
Eloi Aug 2017
My bones are tired, Daddy
I don't get enough sleep
I don't eat as good as I should,daddy.
Is that why you're so ashamed of me?

You know sometimes I sleep past noon, Daddy
I drink lots of black coffee and I smoke like a chimney,
Yes, I left the refrigerator door half open, Daddy
What implications will that have on  me?

You know sometimes I want to rip out your throat, Daddy
For all those things you said that were mean,
Because I didn't fit in with your "proper family" image,
I'm gonna make you just as vulnerable as I was, Daddy
Why can't you just love me for me?

You know sometimes I want to bash in your teeth, Daddy
I'm gonna make you realise that you made me this way.

I'm gonna rip your heart out the way you did mine, Daddy
Go ahead and punish me for  that
I'm your creation, I'm your "love"Daddy.

Grown up to be and do all those sick things you said that I would do
Well last night I saw you sneak out your window
With your jeans unzipped, daddy
Are you as perfect as you seem?

Im neglected and broken, daddy,
Because of the way you raised me to be,
I'm going to **** you just the way that you **** me, daddy.
Will you then be proud of me?

My bones are tired, daddy.
This is a very personal poem, it describes the relationship between my father and myself, and how I was raised in a family who didn't accept me.
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