A mid May Day
Summer light
You turn
your violet eyes flash mine
And your hair dances with the wind
Causing anticipation
Setting love in

And I see you
With twinkling eyes in the moonlight
Lavender fireflies buzzing in the dusk
And you smile at me
Setting me so free
Of anguish and misery

And I see you
Floating in the mist
Of Rosie pink blossom
Carrying you away
Promising to see me the next day

And Then i see you
With him
And your eyes are black
And your teeth are rotten
And your hair is thin
The air is dense
And filled with sin

And I see you
With your Bleeding heart
Through your chest
Rib cage of moths
Witheringly thin
In your hellish nest
You will die in

And I see you
Where Dandelions grow from you
And bouquets I never bought you lay over your head
In this garden of death
Sing for me a hymn
To save my soul
From my deadly violet sin

I live  with a suicidal tendency.
It has become a necessite part of me,
I wake up every day, just hoping that it will go away.





                   It doesn't.

You left me on a hot summers day,

You said that you had to go away,

And you must be enjoying your stay,

Because I haven't heard from you since that day.

Present day, things have changed,

Summers over now, and  it rains here in every way.

This is the place where he lay his head,
When he went to bed at night,
And this is the place our demons  were derived
Candles lit the room at night.
this is the place where he cut his wrists
That odd and fateful night.

This is the place where we used to live,
I paid for it with love and blood,
And these are the boxes that he kept on the shelf,
Filled with his poetry and stuff.

this is the room where he took the razor,
And cut his  wrists that strange and fateful night.

I never would have started if I'd known
That it'd end this way.

His body didn't last forever,
It decomposed with time.
But the memories I'll always treasure,
Will last me until the day that I die.

it makes you less sad, I will die by your hand
Hope you find out what you are; already know what I am
And if it makes you less sad, we'll start talking again
You can tell me how vile I already know that I am
I'll grow old, start acting my age
It'll be a brand new day in a life that you hate
A crown of gold, a heart that's harder than stone
And it hurts to hold on, but it's missed when it's gone

Call me a safe bet, I'm betting I'm not
I'm glad that you can forgive, only hoping as time goes, you can forget

If it makes you less sad, I'll move out of this state
You can keep to yourself, I'll keep out of your way
And if it makes you less sad, I'll take your pictures all down
Every picture you paint, I will paint myself out
It's cold as a tomb, and it's dark in your room
When I sneak to your bed to pour salt in your wounds
So call it quits, or get a grip
You say you wanted a solution; you just wanted to be missed

You are calm and reposed
Let your beauty unfold
Pale white, like the skin stretched over your bones
Spring keeps you ever close
You are second-hand smoke
You are so fragile and thin, standing trial for your sins
Holding on to yourself the best you can
You are the smell before rain
You are the blood in my veins

People are scared of the dark,
I don't know why.
There is nothing there in the dark that isn't there in the light.
in the light you will see something if it's scary;
Where as in the dark you won't.

Why fear something that hides your fears?

You wrap my hair around your index finger,
And tell me that you love me.
No less, no more, than you ever have before.

You kiss my forehead and hold my hand,
And whisper that you'll never leave me.
As long as I am forever breathing.

You hugged me goodbye before I went to work,
When I came home you were so badly hurt,
Blood pouring from ever eligible place,
I'd never seen such terror on somebody's face.

You died that day, in an awful way,
And now I miss you every single day.
Suicide is not alright, people shouldn't have to fight.

I've never experienced such pain in my chest,
As when the doctors told me you were out of breath.

I'm forever in debt to you, for the happiness that you gave me,
Was evidently more than I ever gave to you.

Heaven sent Deamons surround us all now.

We bow our heads and sing hyms, as he's lowered into the ground.

He was so beautiful, kind, and loving all of his life, but the Angels came and took him to keep by their side.

Now he will forever be but a memory to me, I fear that the truth will soon be clear to see.

About why he had to leave, and why he had to go, leaving us all here, in this icy cold snow.

It's hell here without him, I still cry every night,
He was a child of the galaxies who had to return to gods side.

The devil's tongue is long and rotten,
Do you remember or have you forgotten?
The games we played with him in the rain, it's all the same,
It's all the same.

I was a child,
Not long ago.
the devil haunted me,
He Followed me home.

I'll go
Where, I don't know
But I'll go,
If I have to,
To get away from him.

The wave was a torture
Of flesh and blood and bone,
He came into me and out of me
Forsaking every law.

Teller, teller, tell me a tale
of love and fear and duty,
I want to die in the arms of love
I want to die for beauty.
For beauty is the only truth,
and death is the only lie,
I want to sing a final tale
and love before I die.

A vision of black,
Heads bowed,
Women weep as he's lowered into the ground.
His mother cried,
So did I,
People couldn't help but sigh.

The rain flowed beneath our feet,
Into the ground where he would retreat,
A place as hollow as hell,
Where he would never  fit in well.

I look down at my arms,
Scarred and scorned,
I feel responsible for his death,
to his parents I apologise,
I wish to join him;
Every single day,
In the ground,
Where he lay.

A vision of black,
Heads bowed,
Women weep as he's lowered into the ground.
His mother cried,
So did I,
People couldn't help but sigh.

The rain flowed beneath our feet,
Into the ground where he would retreat,
A place as hollow as hell,
Where he would never  fit in well.

I feel responsible for his death,
to his parents I apologise,
I wish to join him;
Every single day,
In the ground,
Where he lay.

My house is filled with ghosts,
That only I can see,
I try to tell my mother,
But she laughs at me.

They haunt my every step,
Whispering past events,
telling me their stories,
Filling me with worries.

I lay in bed at night,
Full of anxiety and fright,
That one of them might try to hurt me.

I see jet black figures in my mirrors,
And deformed silhouettes in my windows,
I close my eyes and pray for them to go away.

I guess I'm just intruding,
Living where they once did,
They have followed me around since I was a kid.

My mother takes me to the doctor,
Who diagnoses  me with schizophrenia,
Says' it's all in my head,
That I can't see anyone who's dead.

Locked in an institution for days,
They still wouldn't go away,
They never left my side,
They haunt me still to this day.

There's a girl who lives just down the street,
Her eyes are blue and her heart is weak.
She visits the cemetery twice a day,
Promising him that she'll never go away.
He drowned in the ocean of her overwhelming blue eyes,
She loved him  So much but that could never have kept him alive.
He died that day in a happy way; in love and content with his girl with blue eyes.

Endure into the golden room,
The promised land, the sacred tomb.
Disclosure, in the hidden room,
Time is dying, you will too soon.
The serpent is psychedelic,
The serpent is strong,
The serpant is holographic,
Endure into the room.

They eye me up and down as my legs shake hastily due to nerves.
I hope not to be landed upon, and I cross my fingers and toes.
They spin the bottle and it seems to be revolving for hours.
Time gets slower by the second.
Then it stops.
It lands on me.
My breathing quickens and my whole body begins to tremble, sweat pouring from every eligible place that it can.
They pick up the killer and hold it to my head.
My pupils grow large and I pray to god that I die peacefully.
Bang.
But I am not dead. I am free.
Russian roulette killed me.

I saw a war widow in a laundrette, washing the memories from her husbands clothes,
she had a lump in her throat, and cemetery eyes.
Because last night they told her that he was cold, untouchable.
He had fought for his country, now they said "he's free".
As if that could ever heal the pain, she can't take anymore.
She see's convoys curbcrawling West German Autobahns, Trying to pick up a war, They're going to even the score.
But he was never shot dead, he just lost his mind and his head.
Dimenture  and sore lungs from the poisons and gasses fed to him like the propaganda that the war would soon be over.
Real love, they say can last forever, so some say, they will always be together.
People don't fall in love anymore, they fall in love with the idea of being in love.
What a world to live in.
What a place to die.

Eternal seas of tears cried by mothers singing lullabies,
The sun sets in the sky, never revealing  the secrets it hides.
A river flows down a mountain,
Into the everlasting fountain of lies,
No one will ever be righteous in the eyes of the misplaced child,
Who's mother sang her  a lullaby.

There was a time when I was alone,

Nowhere to go and no place to call home,

My only friend was the man in the moon,

And even sometimes he would go away, too.

There's a man in my mirror,
His face is not mine.
He's painted onto the walls,
And carved into my mind.
He whispers In my ear,
And tells me strange things,
His twisted words betray me,
He laughs and he sings.

He has eyes so yellow as the sun,
They pierce through me, nothing can be done.
He possesses the key to set me free but he will never give it back to me.

I hope one day he will set me free,
And leave with  all of the memories he gave me.

I am the ocean,

I am the sea,

There is a world inside of me.

There is a place on the edge of town,
It's small, it's dark, it will bring you down.
People go there when the clock strikes twelve,
Never again will you see them alive.

It is an old hospital,
For the asylum seekers,
Abandoned and neglected
Just like the reapers,

People will tell you of the screams that can be heard,
From all of the patients that died here.
You will want to run,
But the walls will close,
Keeping you there,
In the asylums doors,

But don't be scared, and don't be alarmed,
You've joined the group,
Of mentally harmed.

I am a prisoner of my own mind,
I think too much,
Wasting my time.

I am a captivated wild animal,
Trying to return to the wild,
But my mind, it will find
A way to make me stay.

I will never be free,
These chains are bound to me,
I strain under the pressure of my freedom dying.

I am the rising sun,

I am all of the Christmas fun.

I am the flowering seed,

I am the summer breeze.

I can see  Watermarks on the ceiling
I can see Jesus and he's frowning at me
I see a dead seal on the beach
The old man says he's already saved it three times this week
Guess it just wants to die
I would wanna die too
With people putting oil into my air
But to be fair, I've done my share
Guess everybody's got their different point of view

I was walking down Sunset Strip, Phillip Island, not Los Angeles
Got me some hot chips and a cold drink
Took a sandy seat on the shore
There's a paper on the ground, it makes my headache quite profound
As I read it out aloud
It said "The Great Barrier Reef it ain't so great anymore
It's been ***** beyond belief, the dredgers treat it like a *****"
I drank 'til I was sinking, sank 'til I was thinking
That I'm thankful for this view
We either think that we're invincible or that we are invisible
When realistically we're somewhere in between
We all think that we're nobody but everybody is somebody else's somebody

Don't ask me what I really mean
I am just a reflection
Of what you really wanna see
So take you want from me

Satellites on the ceiling
I can see Jesus and she's smiling at me
All I wanna say is...

I'm just a reflection of who I've always wanted to be

Behind the doors the secrets hide,
They whisper and scream,
If you listen, you'll hear them cry.
But the words that they hide
Will never be known,
The love of fear,
Life alone.

Mascara blood
Ash and ***
On the Rorschach sheets where we make love

**** the world **** straight malaise,
It may be just us who feel this way.

But don't ever doubt this, my steadfast conviction.
My love, you're the one I want to watch the ship go down with.

The future can't be real, I barely know how long a moment is.

we're naked getting high on the mattress
While the global market crashes.

As death fills the streets we're Conceiving life ,

Everything is doomed, and nothing will be spared

Don't they see the darkness rising?
Good luck figuring oblivion
We're getting out now while we can

I've brought my mother's depression
You've got your father's scorn and a wayward aunt's schizophrenia.

But everything is fine
Don't give into despair
Because I love you.

drop,
by crimson drop,
contaminated blood flows,
down onto
his buried bones.

                                                         ­                   a painting born from blood,
a child with dreams of death and mud,
                                     bodies made of severed tongues,
dust and dirt fill their lungs.

mouths sewn up,
eyes sewn shut,
intense listening,
hear:
whispers of their deathly scriptures.

nothing known to them of mortality,
endless pain,
endless,
endless death.

The empathy of a teacher who hears that a girl they belittled  has commuted suicide.
The sadness of a parent who will always wonder why.
The grief of her friends, they'll always pretend that she never seemed sad in the end.
I think we should all take a break, take a moment to state that suicide is not alright.
We live In a world where our minds are swirled with poisionus lies.
The ******* irony of if.
To be told to live your life a certain way, will only betray you.
Now politicians wearing suitable-ties discuss the times that schools should be open, that hours should be longer, so more children will suffer.
See, our system is ******, we have people in charge of us that couldn't give a **** if we are happy or sad.
They just want more money to add, to their pockets. The *******.
So, it goes on. And don't you forget that girls last song.
That she didn't want to live on, that she'd rather be gone, than stay in a world where her heroes were dead and her enemies were in power.

You are the tiger burning bright
Deep in the forest of my night
You are the one who keeps me strong in this world

You sleep by the silent cooling streams
Down in the darkness of my dreams
All of my life I never knew
You were the dream I'd see come true
You are the tiger burning bright

I was the one who looked so hard I could not see.
Now I could never live without the love you give to me.

I lived like a wild and lonely soul,
Lost in a dream beyond control.
You were the one who brought me home down to earth.
Now I will love you unconditionally.

****

I miss who you were

The circus is back
Flashing lights in my head,
Feeling petrified to sleep in my bed.
Blaring voices and commotion all through the night,
Even your presence gives me a ******* fright-
But you’re my panic alert
I see you and adrenaline gets to work,
then I can’t sleep
Wishing you’d leave me be-
You’re supposed to be my safety net,
My father, and my friend
But all you do now is scare me to death,
You’re driving me round’ the bend.
This isn’t the way to live my life,
I’m petrified, now I sleep with a knife
And pray to some fake god that I’ll make it through the night,
Because the hate that you show us just so isn’t right.
Please leave us alone because we’re fearing for our safety,
Panicked that you’re hiding in the attic waiting to **** me.
Life is pale now and my skin is too,
I’m scared that I’m gonna die because of you,
Fainting with fear whenever you’re near,
And smoking enough to tranquillize a deer,
I can’t go on like this,

And you can’t either

Why can’t we just leave all this behind and go for a beer?
It brakes my heart to see what you’ve become

You sit in a room that's dark,
It's silent, pitch black.
in hope of hiding from the chaotic tragedy of the world around you.

A creak in the floorboards due to the natural rotting of a beam that has stood for too long, becomes a demonic presence creeping towards you.
Your mind becomes the origin of paranoia itself.

What was once your home has become a prison,
Your own mind keeps you inside the walls of the voices that you hear and illusions that you see.

******* will do that to you,
But if they try hard enough, so can people.

People can drive you to the point where you see things where there's nothing but empty space,
And to a place where not even the moments before you fall asleep are silent.

A sewn up mouth to stop you from telling their secrets, you'll never unwind the truth that you live to anyone who could help.

Isolation will destroy you, eventually.

A broken home,
Mothers ******,
Schizophrenic father,
Forever arguing.

Alchoholic parents,
Supposive "carers",
We may seem happy,
But I promise you, we are not.

Suicidal daughter,
Her body she slaughters,
With blades and bleeds onto her mattress.

Youngest sister,
Always missing,
She's always so angry,
This is not a family.

We go on,
Day to day,
Arguing away,
Portraying ourselves happy,
But dying inside sadly.

What happens behind closed doors,
Will never be revealed,
The floor gets wripped up,
And the ceiling caves in.

Suicidal daughter,
Cuts herself again,
Before getting the rope,
And standing on the chair,
She writes some notes,
Then burns them,
Never to see her "family again".

She takes a leap of faith,
Into hope and grace,
Of a new life,
And a new happy family.

Waking up is hard,
But going to sleep is harder.
We don't like to fall asleep,
But if we do,
We love to.

Not eating is hard,
But eating is harder,
We don't like to put on weight,
But if we don't mind it,
We love to.

Take a look at my body,
Look at my hands,
There's so much here
That I don't understand.

You made so many promises
Whispered like prayers
I don't need them.

I've been treated so wrong,
I've been treated so long,
As if I'm becoming untouchable.

Contempt loves the silence
It thrives in the dark.
With fine winding tendrils
That strangle the heart.

They say that promises
Sweeten the blow
But I don't need them.

I'm a slow dying flower,
A Frost killing hour,
The sweet distant taste of
untouchable.

I need
The darkness,
The sweetness,
The sadness,
The weakness.

I need
A lullaby,
A kiss goodnight,
Angel sweet,
Love of my life.

Do you remember the way
That you touched me before
All the trembling sweetness
I loved and adored?

Well, is it dark enough?
Can you see me?
Do you want me?
Can you reach me?
Or I'm leaving

You better shut your mouth,
Hold your breath,
Kiss me now before your death,
I'm going to miss you,
I wish you had known,
If you had maybe you wouldn't have gone.

I Miss you terribly already,
Miss the space between your eyelids,
Where I'd stare through awkward sentences
To avoid through awkward silence.

Miss your teeth when they chatter,
When we smoked out in the garden,
When we couldn't sleep for all the heat,
Soft kisses began to quicken.

Miss your big Arms around my body,
You were scarred, bruised and battered,
But I Miss your sitting up incessantly,
And the fact you were always waking in the night.

I hoped for your life,
You forgot about mine.

Miss your teeth dug in my shoulder,
As we rolled in early morning,
Miss your arm dying beneath me,
As I lay there simply yawning.

Please forget me,
you were right dear,
I am cold and self-involved,
And though I'll miss you, old lover
I am weak and therefore fold.

I Get distracted by my music,
Think of nothing else but art.
I'll write my loneliness in poems,
If I can just think how to start.

Dot my I's with charcole pencils,
Close my eyelids,
hide my eyes,
I'll be idle in my ideals,
Think of nothing else but I.

I hoped for your life,
You forgot about mine,
I'll love you incessively,
Until the end of time.

You still cross my mind from time to time.
And I mostly smile.
Still so set on finding out where we went wrong and why

So I retrace our every step with an unsure pen,
trying to figure out what my head thinks,
but my head just ain't what it used to be.
And then again, what's the point anyway?

I remember you ascending all the stairs up to the balcony
to see if you could see me - hidden quietly away
And I remember the skin of your fingers,
The spot three quarters up I'd always touch when I was out of things to say.

You held my hand, but you were too afraid to speak and I could never understand.
I remember when you leaned in quick to kiss me, and I swear,
that not a single force on earth could stop the trembling of my hand.

I remember how you smiled through the smoke in a crowded little coffeehouse and laughed at all my jokes.

And I remember the way that you dressed and,
how we wasted all the best of us in alcohol and sweat.

And I remember when I knew that you'd be leaving, how I barely kept up breathing
and I bet if I had to do it all again, I'd feel the same pain.

I remember panicked circles in the terminal in tears.
How I wept to god in fits. I've hated airports ever since.
It must be true what people say, that only time can heal the pain.

every single day I feel it fade away, but -
I still remember how the distance tricked us,
and lead us helpless by the wrist into a pit to be devoured.

I still remember how we held so strong to this,
though we had never really settled on a way out.

I still remember the silence, and how we'd always find a way to turn and run to our mistakes.
I still remember how it all came back together just to fall apart again.

My dear, I hear your voice in mine.
I've been alone here, I've been afraid, my dear.
I've been at home here. You've been away for years. I've been alone.

I breathed your name into the air; I etched your name into me.
I felt my anger swelling; I swam into its sea.
I held your name inside my heart, but it got buried in my fear.

It tore the wiring of my brain; I did my best to keep it clear.
So, dear, no matter how we part, I hold you sweetly in my head.

And if I do not miss a part of you, a part of me is dead.
If I can't love you as a lover, I will love you as a friend.
And I will lay a bed before you; keep you safe until the end.

head hung low
where the road leads I will go,
it's a hard and a crooked life
when you're a dead man's unwedded bride.

the day moves slow,
where the road leads no one knows,
it's a hard and a crooked life
when you're a dead man's unwedded bride.

down by the road sits a man,
who's gray and old,
says the hardest thing I know
is to see your loved ones go.

where the wildflowers grow,
there's a lake that's dark deep and cold,
there I shall lay my bones.

down I go,
going to  lay my bruised bones,
and the hardest thing they'll know,
Is to have to let me go.

The walls are caving in again,
It Happens every now and then,
It's Always got me feeling like I'm ******.
Falling in and out of bed,
Sleep so I feel like I'm dead,
Trying to get a grip is kinda rough.

You say life has lost it's meaning,
And that's true if you believe it,
But someday you will stand above your demons,
You're not beneath this.