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Jul 2015 · 1.6k
Help
Layla Thurman Jul 2015
I'm different every morning
I'm never the same person I fell asleep as...
Sometimes I can't even look in the mirror...
I can't connect to who I'm seeing...
Sometimes I want to feel pretty...
Then others I want to be handsome...
My own body makes me uncomfortable...
There are some days when I match up...
Then there are other days when everything is wrong...
Its ugly...
I don't know who I am...
And I can't tell anyone...
Being genderfluid has caused me so much anxiety and dysphoria and it's really killing me... And I can't tell a soul... Not even my boyfriend who I tell everything to...
Mar 2015 · 563
To A Boy
Layla Thurman Mar 2015
Never in my life
have I met a boy
who was so indescribable.

Whose nature
was that of the wind
wild, free, independent.

Whose laugh
is like the forest
the sound so rich and pure.

Whose dreams
were of the stars themselves
and nothing less would do.

Only comparable
to those things which
are indescribable.

and yet,
we all try anyway.
Mar 2015 · 526
untitled
Layla Thurman Mar 2015
I lost myself again
wandering through your eyes
Layla Thurman Dec 2014
My mouth it did betray me
three words I whispered
softly into your ear
and now my lips do linger
waiting for some reply
Layla Thurman Dec 2014
My heart is racing
my fingers continue tracing
waiting for you to speak

My eyes are searching
my stomach lurching
waiting for your reply

Why does this silence seem so long
Layla Thurman Dec 2014
You can take your spiteful words
and shove them up your ***
when it comes to taking **** from you
Sorry, but I'll pass
because I've accepted hatred
and hurt, pain and depression
and i'm getting sick and tired
of writing poems as confessions.
So *******
I'm tired of your ****
my feelings are a fire
the flame has been lit.
Dec 2014 · 1.7k
Heart
Layla Thurman Dec 2014
My heart had your name
written on it so clearly
but your heart
only had a small smudge
where my name should have been.
Dec 2014 · 544
untitled.
Layla Thurman Dec 2014
I think of how
I used to smile for you
offer you more and more
until I had nothing else to give.
how empty
how lost and lonely
I always felt
and I believed I had enjoyed it
How easily I lied
to myself and to you
in order to make you feel better
while I still went through hell.
all you can say
is that I didn't see
how much you cared
but really, what was there to see?
other than the tears
and the pain
and the desire
the lust for your love
the love I could never win
even though I laid claim to it.
How unfair you were
though I am not bitter
Because now he makes me smile
and it feels genuine
and best of all,
he smiles back.
Nov 2014 · 411
untitled
Layla Thurman Nov 2014
The pressure of your lips
Against mine
In my hair your fingers
Are entwined
And with each passing moment
I love you a little more
Nov 2014 · 466
Just Friends
Layla Thurman Nov 2014
I feel as though
after kissing you
I no longer feel
the desire I once held
for you

The passion isn't there
the way I thought it was
It's almost like kissing
my brother, not lover
so please lets just be friends
Nov 2014 · 10.2k
guilt
Layla Thurman Nov 2014
I'm struggling with guilt
After leaving lipstick on your collar
And hickeys on your shoulder
Nov 2014 · 690
what is love.
Layla Thurman Nov 2014
What is love
Other than pain and despair
With a little bit of happiness
Here and there.
Nov 2014 · 387
Untitled
Layla Thurman Nov 2014
I wish I knew you
When I was a kid
So maybe you could have
taken me up in your arms
Just the way you do now
and kiss all my troubles away.
Nov 2014 · 591
Teenage Love Tradgedy.
Layla Thurman Nov 2014
Have you ever had it
where your heart feels
like it's all swollen up
and it's pressing into your throat
causing you to choke
and your blood
feels more like maple syrup
and you just want to curl up and cry
because your life
is turning into another
Teenage love tragedy.
This is basically my life right now...
Nov 2014 · 1.7k
Pity
Layla Thurman Nov 2014
I pity those who
will never know
the immense pain
that love will bring
Nov 2014 · 706
Dreams
Layla Thurman Nov 2014
I can't bear to dream
for each time I reach out
feeling as my fingers brush the clouds
believing for a moment that I am free
It crushes me when my heart
is driven into the ground
because men were not made
to have their heads in the clouds
thats why we don't have wings.
each attempt at dreams is futile.
and yet we try and try again
what is it that makes us so resistant
to listening to our bodies scream
as we continue to cause them pain
What is it that makes us fall in love
or hate another so strongly
that it begins to consume us.
Is this what dreams were meant to be and do?
Or simply what humans have turned it into?
Nov 2014 · 783
Enslaver of the Stars
Layla Thurman Nov 2014
Your eyes hold within them
a hundred tiny stars
each iris its own galaxy
stretching on for miles
Can you see your stars
when you look in the mirror
were the little galaxies born there
or did you simply capture them from the sky?
Oct 2014 · 580
Tell me you love me.
Layla Thurman Oct 2014
I want you
to tell me
you love me
Those three words
Would mean everything
To my poor
And ragged heart
Give it life
Restart it's beat
With three words
Short and sweet
I want you
To tell me
You love me
The same way
I love you
Oct 2014 · 1.0k
Semblance
Layla Thurman Oct 2014
Could you take my hand
Just for a moment
So I can have some semblance
of security
Oct 2014 · 1.1k
My heart is your Home
Layla Thurman Oct 2014
Welcome to your new home
I'm sorry about the mess
But the last person who lived in here
Left it a bit of a wreck
They often used harsh language
and smoked too many cigarettes
they were rough around the edges
and all around a mess
They passed that on to me
and for I while I joined in
But then it became painful to me
In nothing could I win
But they packed up and left
and I went through rehabilitation
So here I am before you
refreshed and anew
and now I wish to open my heart
once again for you
So come make a happy home
lay your self to rest
It all belongs to you now
I give you all my best.
Oct 2014 · 536
Mediocre Man
Layla Thurman Oct 2014
Give me a mediocre man
Because a man who is too anything
Too talented
Too handsome
Too smart
Too perfect
Is someone I couldn't live with
Because while I worshipped at their feet
They would begin to forget
Why it is, they would choose
Someone as lame as me
Oct 2014 · 772
Another Poem About You
Layla Thurman Oct 2014
excuse me while I write
another poem
one that I know
you will never read
but hopefully
you can understand
the pain you're giving
to me
Oct 2014 · 329
Hardly There
Layla Thurman Oct 2014
If you left me now
I wouldn't notice
the absence
Because really
you were hardly there
anyhow.
Oct 2014 · 665
Kick me
Layla Thurman Oct 2014
kick me while i'm down
I've always felt like a clown
standing next to you
anyway
Oct 2014 · 553
Together
Layla Thurman Oct 2014
If you could just tell me
that you love me
the way that I love you
then maybe, we could run away
t o g e t h e r
Oct 2014 · 511
Friends.
Layla Thurman Oct 2014
I look at you
and I can't help
but see all of the
wonderful things
Like the way
your smile
lights up a room
Or the way
you feel so warm
even though
we're barely touching
Often times
I find myself blushing
not mentioning
that I notice
the way your eyes
sometimes glance
Sometimes I think
about how perfect
we'd be together
But then
I return to reality
and remember
that She loves you
and He loves me
and We
must just remain
friends
Oct 2014 · 490
Grip
Layla Thurman Oct 2014
The pressure
Weighs on my soul
To do better
Be better
Something or someone I'm not
And I'm starting
To lose
M y G r i p
Oct 2014 · 954
Its not home
Layla Thurman Oct 2014
It's not home
If you're not there too
I'm more comfortable
Being with you
Than I am being
alone
Oct 2014 · 919
Drowning
Layla Thurman Oct 2014
Drowning in your eyes
Wild and blue like the ocean
Tossing about in their storm
Is the most poetic way
That I've ever died.
Oct 2014 · 8.0k
Cotton Candy
Layla Thurman Oct 2014
You're sweet like cotton
candy
I love the way you melt in my
mouth.
Oct 2014 · 4.1k
The Familiar Devil
Layla Thurman Oct 2014
The devil looks familiar
When I pass him in the streets
Something about his hair and eyes
reminds myself of me
Or you perhaps.
His face is never clear
Always changing.
But the devil is always
Familiar to me
Perhaps because
I am so familiar with him
Oct 2014 · 1.5k
love and drugs
Layla Thurman Oct 2014
I'm tired of living
In a *** filled haze
Bottles of *****
to count the days
Nowhere to run to
Nowhere to hide
Here I am cornered
Unable to lie
I cant say I don't want it
Because you know I do
Ill take another draw
Off this cigarette, then you.
Oct 2014 · 376
Beautiful Little Pieces
Layla Thurman Oct 2014
I fell in love with your words
And the way you described me
I fell in love with the way
You were able to detail everything
I fell in love with the reasons
That you broke my heart in
Beautiful
Little
Pieces
Oct 2014 · 717
Pale eyes.
Layla Thurman Oct 2014
There's something different
About your eyes
Their pale color
Gives you a strange appearance
A look described as depth
Something solemn
Pale eyes
That seem to know
To understand
Everything
The oddest part about your eyes
Isn't that they're blue
But the appearance they give you
And I wonder
If when I look in the mirror
At my own eyes so pale
If I too look solemn and deep
If I have that same knowing
That same understanding look
The same haunting expression
That you do.
Oct 2014 · 717
Sleep
Layla Thurman Oct 2014
The way
I'll always remember you
Is the way you look
when sleeping
Your gentle face
with the softness of your cheek
Cupped beneath my hand
Your breathing soft and deep
So relaxed
You look much younger
Your curly hair
Featherlike against your pillow
Your body
feels warm next to mine
When your like this
I see how gentle
How vulnerable
You can really be
It helps to remind me
Of why it is
I love you
Oct 2014 · 1.1k
Better
Layla Thurman Oct 2014
One of these days
you'll find that
I have finally
picked myself up
brushed off your words
and moved on
Because I deserve
better
Sep 2014 · 8.9k
car crash
Layla Thurman Sep 2014
The Radio is turned up loud
And we're all just singing along
With the windows down

We don't know where we're going
Just off into the future
To chase our dreams elsewhere

Were young and were dumb
Couldn't care less to listen
To the warnings our parents gave us

Then in the blink of an eye
All our life is flashing
Like the headlights we didn't see

In a moment caught in a car crash
All the radio plays
Is the silence of our beating hearts
Sep 2014 · 959
Respond
Layla Thurman Sep 2014
Id stay awake all night
Just to wait for your response
Sep 2014 · 440
Alone
Layla Thurman Sep 2014
I cant bear to believe
In anything, anyone
Other than myself
All its done for me
Is cause me pain and misery
So I think ill just
Shut it all out
And always be
A l o n e
Sep 2014 · 406
Caged bird
Layla Thurman Sep 2014
And now I spot
At all the hateful words
You've written on my skin
I am but your little caged bird
And am left to rot
In this hell you've put me in.
Sep 2014 · 2.9k
Stars
Layla Thurman Sep 2014
Your eyes reflect the stars
In such a way that I
Can almost see the future
And it is so beautiful
Sep 2014 · 807
Prove it.
Layla Thurman Sep 2014
You tell me you love me
Do you really?
It's so hard to tell
Sometimes
But maybe
If you could prove it
I might just believe you
Sep 2014 · 463
Fall loves you
Layla Thurman Sep 2014
The leaves are floating
sliding off your skin
The orange and reddish colors
perfectly match your hair
your eyes stand out more
their blue color so frail
yet so temptingly wild
I know you hate this season
but oh how it loves you
Sep 2014 · 521
Getting colder.
Layla Thurman Sep 2014
Baby hold me tighter
its getting colder
were another day closer
to getting older
and I want to spend it with you
Sep 2014 · 3.5k
Clean
Layla Thurman Sep 2014
Darling I've come a long way
I hope you'd be proud of me
If I had the courage to tell you
About the things I used to do passionately.

I used to taste the metal against my skin
Deep and slow just like breathing
I used to watch as the blood flowed
Leave myself inches from dying

It was my faithful addiction
For 4 awful years
Everything bottled up beneath the surface
Only at night could you see my tears

But I'm so much better now
Yes I still have troubled times
But no longer do I resort
To my self inflicted midnight crimes.

I've cast off the metal
For the softness of your skin
Clean for almost a year now
I've chosen another sin

Something more painful than razors
But God isn't it pleasant too
You see my love
My newfound sin is you
2 more months and it will be a full year.
Sep 2014 · 3.6k
Violent Kisses
Layla Thurman Sep 2014
Why do I feel
The need
To kiss you
So violently
As if my life
Depended on it?
Sep 2014 · 380
Boy on the Wall
Layla Thurman Sep 2014
My sad little boy
Out on the wall
Clutching the edge
Hoping not to fall

You probably dont know me
I know we've never spoken
But we have a lot in common
Both of our hearts are broken

May I sit next to you
And talk a little while
I know it sounds strange
But I'd love to see your smile

You're kind to me
and funny too
This laugh feels genuine
And your face doesn't look so blue

Even though we've only met
My heart begins to pour
I think this is friendship
Perhaps something more

Now it's a whole year later
And your still my closest friend
Even though we both have someone else
My feelings for you still have no end

So I'll keep the secret
Of the boy on the wall
Only a friend
Is Mr Dark, Handsome, and Tall.
Sep 2014 · 2.2k
Snake
Layla Thurman Sep 2014
I could never leave you
No matter how hard I try
Because you've wrapped yourself
Like a snake around my heart
Claimed it as your dinner
And I willingly let you
Because your forked tongue
Whispers love into my ear
And I fall for it
Every
****
Time
Sep 2014 · 1.1k
I'm done.
Layla Thurman Sep 2014
You tell me you love me
And maybe you do
But it's a sick kind of love
So sorry baby I'm through

I can't stand it any more
My heart and soul have broken
So I'll write these poems for you
No longer my feelings unspoken

Too bad you'll never read them
Even though they're just for you
So farewell and goodbye my love
My heart bids you adieu
Sep 2014 · 17.0k
Like you actually care.
Layla Thurman Sep 2014
I revel in our fights
Its the only time
I can pretend
Like you actually care
About me
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