Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
Revenant Oct 2014
You are the cool night breeze through my hair. You are the cigarette smoke in the air.
You are the stinging in my mouth. You are the place I want to build my house.
You are the kiss on my face. You are ancient feelings now misplaced.
You are crystal clear waters and the mud on my tires. You are the night we claim as "ours".
You are heated breath and sleepless hours.
You are the flames and explosions unto my towers.
Revenant Aug 2014
Electricity doesn't fly off of your fingers and rip it's way into the bones of mine.
Your hands are worn and clammy, instead.
I don't feel a deeper meaning when you stare into my eyes like a cat before he pounces.
I feel a longing for understanding, and a desire for comfort and solace in the anonymity of a breath of fresh air; in a new, and perhaps forgettable face.
Trust to care for valuable possessions doesn't translate to "friend"-- especially in such a finite amount of time.
Yet, there's something in the tone of your chicken fried, velvet chocolate voice that tells me otherwise.
Perhaps I am a challenge; an intellectual conquest.
Never the matter, something is brewing,
and I want a sip.
Revenant Jul 2014
My chest is so empty, it aches
You are my 3AM thoughts; my ramblings in the ungodly hours
You are my sanity tonight; my frantic scribbles
You are the glue that holds me together; the electricity that keeps my heart dancing in my chest
God, my chest.
Void of you, and mourning
Devastated
Lover.
Where are you?
Do you think of me often?
Am I the faceless siren in your dreams?
Or am I the very breath that fills your lungs?
Am I the rising and falling of your chest; of my favorite place to rest and forget the raging storm around us?
Or am I the wry smile playing about your lips?
I wish I could kiss you.
Revenant Aug 2014
I miss how we were the only ones alike.
We were the only two of that caliber, and you knew it.
Electricity flew between your lips and mine.
We were beautiful.
I miss how our voices pierced the heavy silence around us, and tangled up with one another.
I miss how we preformed for no more than one another.
I miss how your melodies kissed my face as they glided about our space.
I miss our shared breath.  
I miss my voice moving in perfect time with yours; curving up to meet your highs, and dipping down to brush against your lows.
I miss the way you would look at me when I took control and owned the song-- with that sly, crooked grin.
The accidental physical touch
The longing when our time ran out
The lingering of your voice, and that crystal gaze burning into my core
The teasing and the backhanded compliments
Never too sure of what's work and what's play
But I'm sure of this:
There is a certain intimacy that comes with throwing your heart and soul into the void, and hoping it doesn't fall flat.
There's an even deeper intimacy that follows when you meet another voice, and you move and reach and swell and growl and throw everything you have into that one note.
Because without passion, we are dead.

Breathe into me.
Revenant Oct 2014
Raining and thunder and lightening and frightened
What happened to sunshine?
Cold and starving and desperate; hopeless and desolate
What happened to grace?
Drown me in the waves crashing about in your mind
Filet my heart with your calloused hands
Love me in the pit of your stomach, where hatred lies anything but dormant
Kiss me with everyone you are
Destroy me in your wake
You are a burning church, and I am
face-down in the Holy Water
screaming out hymns;
trying to drown out the flames.
I love you
My dearest love
Him
Revenant Jun 2014
Him
Firstly, I want to be the void in your chest. Secondly, I want to be the one who fills it. You continuously leave me ravenous for more. I want you. I want all of this with you, and it pains me that not everything I've ever experienced- that not every breath I've drawn was not shared with you. But every catch in my throat, every gasp, every tremble, every shudder, every moan that rips through my throat will be solely yours.
I will be solely yours.
Guide me. Move me. Teach me. Show me what you want. Give me the tools to shatter your world.
Rip away my insecurities and nervousness alongside my clothes.
Let me be the yearning in your eyes
Let me be the groan deep in your chest
Let me be the quickening of your heart
Let me be hushed voices
Let me be sweaty palms
Let me be heated breath
Let me be sly smiles and rough kisses
Let me breathe you in
Let me touch you
Let me hear you want it
Let me feel you writhe
Just don't let me go
Revenant May 2014
I just want to bury my face in your neck
Breathe you in
Breathe me out
They're like little speed bumps
Crawling
Sprawled across my body
Slow down
Slow
Slow
No
Stop
Stop
Running your fingers over them
Like they're beautiful
Like I'm beautiful
Elsewhere they're like large print Braille
I'm in love with such painful reminders
Not pain
But the memories
I have a hard time remembe...

Someday you'll see every inch of me
And you'll read between every line
And I will be so ashamed.

You will never know the hatred and the anger behind the ripples you will ever so carelessly run your hands over

I feel a FILTH in my bones.

Oh, my mind,
Be but a flicker of sanity
Leave me be
Leave. Me. Be.

1/5/14
Revenant Jan 2015
I understand (to the best of an 18 year old's respectively limited understanding) how the heart works, and I know how manipulation works. I'm damaged..I don't think I know what true love might be like, but I know what it feels like to receive it. I know what soulful intimacy is like. I know what it's like to trust someone with your life, but I only know that because I didn't have a choice. I know what it is to lay my mind and body down in submission in the lap of a mad man, and bow to whatever he wants, because you know it's not him, but the "other guy" talking. I know what it's like to think you can save someone if you sacrifice yourself. I know what I thought was love.
I also know what it is to grow up and leave. I know what it is to turn around and bite the hand that fed me poison. I know what it's like to rip out and desecrate the heart of the one who thought he owned mine. I know what it is to be looked at like prey. I know what it is to feel the presence of hot breath on my neck, and have cold chills run down my body and have my stomach turn; legs twitch in anticipation of frantic flight. I know what it is to uproot my future-- my life, wrap my new tender roots in rough burlap, cram them into a small plastic bin, and run.
I know not what it is to stop seeing his truck around every corner. I know not what it is to stop looking over my shoulder. I know not what it is to not be in fear in my own stomping grounds. I know not what it is to not think every set of dim headlights on the dark, unpopulated roads riding too close behind me are him. I know not what it is to breathe easy. I know running away once is not enough.
I know
I know
I know
I know
I know
I knew what I thought was love.
I knew what I made were excuses for inexcusable actions.
I knew I was wrong
I knew he was wrong
I knew
I knEW
I KNEW
I knew he was poison..I didn't want to believe it..he was antifreeze..he was so sweet..honey and molasses and syrup and sap I was STUCK TO HIM LIKE A FLY ON FLYPAPER OH HOW I REGRET EVER SEEING HIS FACE OH GOD, and I when I left, part of me ripped away from my bones, and I'm bleeding out..
No. NO NO NO NO N--
He was a long, slow inhale of mustard gas; burning my lungs and cutting my breath short and sweet. Choking me. Choking me. Choking me.
I know what I thought was love.
He's right..It wasn't and will never be considered ****..I never said "no", and I never said "stop"..
But the little cries said "no", and my face said "stop", and that should've been enough.
Revenant Sep 2014
I want to bury myself in books; to not be here.
There is a gnawing at my heart that
will. not. stop.
There is a pain in my soul; a weight upon my chest; an edge to my voice-- a falter in my wall of defense.
I cannot bear this weight of stupidity radiating out from the immature idiots surrounding me.
I cannot exist in such an environment.
I need to go
I need to go
I need to go
I am tired
I am weary
I am DONE.
Shut up.
Stop
Just
  Stop.
I cannot eat.
I cannot function.
They are a detriment to my very existence.
What chaos leaving Chaos has erupted in my present day.
You are so childish, so rank, so foolish.
Grow up.
Grow up and leave me.
I need to go
I need to go
I need to go
Escape.
Escape.
I need to be alone.
There is a groaning in my bones that cannot be quiet.
Quiet
QUiet
QUIet
QUIEt
QUIET
I need
*quiet.
Revenant Jul 2014
I crave the broken contact lenses; the accidental hip bone to granite corner counter top collisions.
I breathe ****** hang nails, and surprise scalding water.
I drink up the catches in my side, and deep paper cuts.
The splinters in my heels and soap in my eyes are kin to milk and honey to the weak and weary.
I live for the arm hair caught in my bracelet, and blinding headaches that plague me nightly-
Because for a single second in the inexplicable, unexpected pain of that beautiful fleeting moment,
I forget-- for one unadulterated second- the crushing weight of your weightlessness; your absence.
Revenant Jul 2014
I never tell you when I'm crying
I never tell you "please don't leave me"
I never tell you how empty I feel
I never tell you about the pounding in my head, or about the overwhelming urge to talley my sleepless hours into my skin
I never tell you about the broken vessels in my eyes from the times I weep so hard I ***** up your absence I so carefully choked down
I never tell you how I wish you would give me flowers..they don't have to be fancy..
I never tell you what a fool I am
I never tell you about how selfish I really am
I never tell you about how badly I want you here; about how lost I am without you
I never tell you about how badly I want to dance with you
I never tell you how I wish you would tell me I'm beautiful every chance you get
I never tell you how when I see you disconnect, I cry and cry and cry
I never tell you how I bet you're fine without me
I never tell you how I want to spend the best years of my life with you
I never tell you how lonely I am
I never tell you
I never tell you
I never tell you
I never
This isn't a poem, and I'm sorry for that.
I'm having some difficulty coping with distance, and well, here we are..
Revenant Feb 2014
Your hands are trembling touches, shaky decisions, and warm wishes
Your lips like soft pillows, unrelenting waves, and firm beliefs
Your mouth like home, like hungry minds, like silent promises
Your shoulders like stability
Your chest like my hiding place
Your back like protection, like a shield, like my security
Your arms like a seatbelt, like heaters, like my comfort

Words like sugar
Eyes like oceans
Hair like down
Voice like honey

Dégagé
Revenant Feb 2014
I found him in the most unlikely of people
In the coldest of nights
In the warmest of hearts
The softest of touches.
Out of the frigid wind was I pulled
I can breathe.
No rushing currents choking me
No biting cold cutting through me
Protected.
Safe.
But for how long?
Do not rush
Darling, savor what little I can offer
Not what little I have left, but what little may be allowed.
Revenant Mar 2014
All of the truly eloquent words have been taken. There is nothing new under the sun. Different pen, different lover, different handwriting even, but nothing is ever new. Always used. This pen was used to write letters to another- this script used to impress not just You:
A lover, always a hand-me-down; passed from woman to woman, and maybe its your fate to be, too. Used and beaten and yanked around on a string.
I will never understand how you can put up with such a creature. How you can love such a devil.
But I know she does something to you. I know she ignites your desire; your lust. How she teases and tempts; submits and makes you feel like a man.
But its only a feeling. A feeling which will quickly fade.
When you're older, but never wiser, and her hips are destroyed from her dancing days, and she can no longer please you (what good is she without that?), you'll wish you had traded your childish wants for better things.
You made a mistake thinking she could make you happier now, than I ever could have in the future.
You are pathetic.
Revenant Feb 2014
You are shocks down my spine
Electricity
Fear
Wonderful
You are warm hands and heated breath
Flashing eyes and quiet smiles
You are soft touches and pressure
Long nights and quick pulses
How these butterflies flutter about, as if to wish release from goodness.
Always screaming doubts and madness
Madness
Madness
Madness
This is madness
Breathe
Breathe
Breathe
Madness
Revenant Feb 2014
I had hoped to find a sort of love this fall. One that might have kept me warm through the winter.
I had hoped to make treats and nice things for someone who liked me enough to kiss my face.
I had hoped to find someone who would waste Saturdays at home with me watching Netflix.
I had hoped to find someone to pour my heart into- even if only for a moment.
I had hoped to find someone I could write about- someone who would be good to me.
Hoped.
Revenant Feb 2014
Your breath burnt like a white hot jealous lover's rage against my very core as you peppered love-drunk kisses down my neck.
What lust we found tucked away in the secret, undiscovered places of our hearts where lover nor stranger had dared trod.
You silenced my thoughts and electrified my mind with things no one could ever comprehend.
You sent raging shocks through my spine, and made shudders and sighs erupt from my mouth like none other.
What a pitiful thing it was for you to let me slip away.
Rather, what a disgrace it was for you to trade me for poison.

Selfish.
Revenant Jul 2014
It feels like New Years all over again out here, but my feet don't hurt,
and I'm not chilled to the bone.
There's always been that insurmountable amount of space
b   e   t   w   e   e   n
my body and yours,
and I still want to kiss you ever so badly.
It's misting now, and it's kin to the haze in my head.
I miss you
Raw
Revenant May 2014
Raw
Silence has become the sweetest melody
I hear things I cannot reproduce
Songs with too much meaning to convey
Silence is not golden
It's raw
Raw like my feet in high heels
Raw like your words
Raw like a crack of thunder
Raw like a cry of remorse
Raw
Raw
Raw
I cannot breathe

9/20/13
Revenant Dec 2014
Loving someone just like me was terrible.
We were a twister; a ball of flames-- so destructive, that we burnt everyone in our wake.
I'm so sorry.
We broke every bed, and smashed every ******* hope and dream our parents had for us.
We screamed and yelled and decimated each other to the brink of permanent dislocation, and then you shoved me over the cliff.
My, what a cliff that was..
**** me?
No.
**** you.
We shattered every bone in our bodies violently explaining how "right" one of us was,
but we only proved how fatally stubborn we really are.
We rode the waves of life *******.
That was a mistake.
We shot up the night, and drank up the tragedies like drunks fresh out of a failed rehab stint, as they rolled over us like rock crushers-- hair of the dog that bit you; "it's good for poetry", they said.
Never a dull moment for us
Abuser
Never a craving
I want what I had back
Never a quiet moment
We used to scream so loud..
Never left wanting more
I want more than a manipulator.
Never a deeper sadness than what we create together
**** straight
I don't love you anymore.
I'm so done with you.
*******.
No more.
Revenant Oct 2014
Love is an open door,
but so are your legs.
Revenant Aug 2014
"Gladly lost in the depths of you"
What depths?
How am I lost?
I'm lost in a puddle.
I'm standing ankle deep in fluff; in disappointment.
Some days, I wish things were different
Some days, I wish we were two of a kind
Some days..
But I fear loving someone just like me would be terrible.
We would be a twister; a ball of flames-- so destructive, that we would burn everyone in our wake.
We would break every bed, and smash every hope and dream our parents' had for us.
We would scream and yell and decimate each other to the brink of permanent dislocation, but never over the cliff.
My, what a cliff that would be..
We would break every bone in our bodies violently explaining how "right" one of us was, but only proving how fatally stubborn we really are.
We would ride the waves of life *******.
We would shoot up the night, and drink up the tragedies like a drunk fresh out of a failed rehab stint, as they roll over us like rock crushers-- hair of the dog that bit you; it's good for poetry, they say.
Never a dull moment for us
Never a craving
Never a quiet moment
Never left wanting more
Never a deeper sadness than what we create together

But perhaps it's a mistake wanting more than you
Perhaps you're keeping me from destruction
Perhaps your holding me back is a blessing
Perhaps I need you more than my heart realizes
Perhaps it's better this way
Perhaps I don't need to ever fall in love with someone like me
Lord knows I can't seem to love myself
What makes me think I would love my true other half?
I'm sorry
Revenant Jul 2014
The nights are so still
So quiet
So deafening,
That the unrelenting squeezing of my pounding heartbeat beats me to sleep like mama used to
Or did she rock me to sleep?
I have no time for memories.

I can hear the slow dribble of cells and waste and filth and disgust slide through my veins like honey and molasses from the mouthes of posh babes.

I feel my heart flutter and bang around and bruise itself up trying to escape from it's dank cage.
I'm sorry I don't have a better room to offer my Ruler.
Revenant Nov 2014
My skin itches for the razor's quick, clean kiss
Revenant Mar 2014
Used, ruined, *****, impure
That's how I want to be remembered for sure.
*****, ****, **, dame
That's how I rose to fame.
What can I do to erase this scarlett letter?
I must learn to keep a secret better..

— The End —