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5d · 105
Flowers
Sanjali 5d
I don’t like the flowers
You left behind
They remind me of snow
Of the cold nights
We shared together
They smell like home.

I don’t like the flowers
You left behind
Because they remind me I’m alone
Even if I’m ruling
All the stars
I’m far away from home.

Come back to the flowers
You left behind
Or they’ll wither in the storm
Of my anguish
And the longing
Of you and our home.
I wrote this for a painting I made. You can find it here :
https://twitter.com/pufflespower
Sanjali Jan 1
Ye wanderer of despair
Keen on yer search
Of sand and glass,
Measuring stars on yer fingers
And years on a bark,
What have ye found
In yer mortality?
That flowers and songs
Could not soothe?
What have ye found
That babbling streams,
The wisdom of leaves
Did not prove true?

Ye wanderer of despair
Listen to the heart of things
Yer mind's a fool.
Dec 2020 · 192
Nightmare
Sanjali Dec 2020
Shivering limbs with shadows still
The room is a masquerade
For empty robes and beaten bones
Dancing with their silent blades.

Don’t turn your head to the silent dead
They hear the fear you breathe,
Close your eyes; say your goodbyes,
Soon you’ll go underneath.

Here I stay and I await
Your soul to leave your shell,
For you, my love, have yet to burn
In the flames of my own hell.
This was a fun write sometime in the past.
Nov 2020 · 179
At Rest
Sanjali Nov 2020
At rest, at last
We pass along
A promise of old,

Quite like the ancient leaves entwined
We share star dust, a promise
To recognize.
Nov 2020 · 116
Lazy Days
Sanjali Nov 2020
These are lazy lazy days
My eyes are half asleep
I get up from the warm bed late
And go to nap on grass green.

Even if the sun is hot
I cannot be bothered to turn
Everything is comfortable
And I make most of this run.

These are lazy lazy days
So come and wake me up
We will eat fruits and sandwiches
And nap when we are done.

If the sun gets too warm
I'll roll you into the shade
And with everything comfy here
Kittens might come out to play/

These are lazy lazy days
But they make me happy
These are the days to roll around
And make sweet lazy memories.
Poem is from some years ago but I feel a strong comeback of the lazy days.
See the illustrated version on my deviantart : puffjelly
Instagram : pufflespower
Oct 2020 · 158
Help Me
Sanjali Oct 2020
Hate me cause I’m scared
Hate me, I’m unprepared
Hate me because my heart is heavy
It cares.

Hate me cause my eyes are red
Hate my circles bruised and wet
Hate me because I can’t scream and say
I’m depressed.

Hate me cause you can’t relate
Hate me, you’re scared to give me a break
Hate me because you never learned
I need help, not hate.
Oct 2020 · 193
Donuts
Sanjali Oct 2020
Donuts don’t make me happy
I don’t feel happy anyway
But there’s a taste I prefer
Bitter chocolate, dusted sugar
Together on a donut.
Oct 2020 · 184
A small song of caring
Sanjali Oct 2020
I care for you
Bring you some blankets
And we stay in the cocoon

I want to care for you
Warm towels on your head
And some pepper in your soup

I’m there for you
To snuggle or listen
On my lap there you’ll be too

I care for you
Hoping you sleep well
And feel better soon.
Sep 2020 · 152
Cold Water
Sanjali Sep 2020
Life is
Cold water.
A little dip
Refreshes,
A little pull
In the current
Is drifting
Washed up on a distant shore
Lucky if you're breathing,
To know you have been cold.
Lucky
Sep 2020 · 146
Of The Woods
Sanjali Sep 2020
Whisper me the story
Of a man walking through woods
His bare feet on warm earth
And his ragged face in a hood.

Sing to me his thoughts
The life of his green eyes
The mirth of his fingers
And the peace in his smile.

Mumble to me the language
That he spoke to old trees
The sweet embraces he left
To fragrant petals in the breeze.

Tell me a story
Of the man of the woods
Who slept under starry nights
And woke up to the truth.
Aug 2020 · 194
Where you could breathe
Sanjali Aug 2020
Sweet Blue,
Explore and run
Find a world
Where you could breathe

Dear Blue,
Whether it’s someone
Who saves you
Or just running in sleep

Find a world, my child
Find a place
Where you could breathe.
Inspired from books, lines, and hope.
Aug 2020 · 252
At The Crossroads
Sanjali Aug 2020
Meet me at the crossroads
Where death divides the world,
Where the grass is green as it sleeps in its bed,
Where the people of the world are alive but as I said,
It is all too late for their hearts to mend,
So meet me
At the crossroads
Where time breaks into eternity.

Living at the crossroads
Where there is no need to feel.
The birds sing quietly the songs for the end
Waves crash into themselves defining all that is left
Call it a new beginning or a numbed hell
We fall together
At the crossroads
Where fire and ice never clash.

Leaving behind the crossroads
Where happiness isn’t a need
Because you never came to my side
Because I think I’m finally tired of these lies
But still I long to say my goodbyes
Thinking you’ll meet me
At the crossroads
Where sorrow is nowhere to be seen.
Aug 2020 · 284
Merchant
Sanjali Aug 2020
Oh, hello there adventurer!
Won’t you check out my wares?
I have everything you need,
If you got coin to spare!

You want potions and spells?
I even got ingredients to brew.
Some steel? Bah!
I got arrows too.

You want some bargain?
Use enchantment or a spell,
Or chug a concoction
It’s not like I can tell!

Now, don’t be shy
I’ll buy everything from you!
Those -stolen- borrowed goods you got?
Friend! I’ll take them too.

Ah! You’re broke.
Well then, off you go.
Guards! Thief!
It took all the sweet rolls!
Dedicated to the npcs
Jul 2020 · 854
A Captive
Sanjali Jul 2020
Her eyes
were the sunset,
Her breath
the cool breeze,
She lured me in,
a captive,
The blue shimmering
sea.
Jul 2020 · 176
Routine
Sanjali Jul 2020
Every day as I drag this body out of bed
It speaks in ways I cannot comprehend.
“Tired.” It says but its eyes are awake
With a defeated look it closes them again.

Its weight on my back tires me enough
To sit at intervals, places smooth or rough.
Sometimes as I get back on my feet again
It pulls me back sharply, darkening my brain.

Somehow once again, I know I’ll adapt
To this routine of falling and getting back.
Through these days there’s something to gain,
The truth in its eyes when I see in reflection, its face.
Jun 2020 · 562
Warrior
Sanjali Jun 2020
Yes, my warrior,
You are brave
But lay down your arms
No need to be ashamed.

Cry, my warrior,
You have felt pain.
No need to fight a battle
Where there is nothing to gain.
Sanjali Jun 2020
Differences built us up so high
We see the world from the sky,
Clinging to the topmost branch,
The way down is to fall apart.
Jun 2020 · 275
Dancing Witches
Sanjali Jun 2020
Need to write
A song or two
To ease the mind,
Let the strings be loose.

All my friends
Are here for none,
Yet I shall call them that
For it’s a short word.

Oh once upon a time
I would dance at nights,
Sing like an angel,
But I burned out inside.

A candle that’s lit
with a flame that hurts,
I still look within
To gather what I deserve.

But what is there?
Except dancing witches,
It seems they cursed me
And captured my wishes.

Fear not, I’m done.
Yet I haven’t begun.
Maybe one another day
I’ll rhyme this madness away.
Looking for a way to undo this curse
May 2020 · 1.0k
Misunderstandings
Sanjali May 2020
Somehow I don’t want to talk
Because what I will say
Will end up being lost.
Silence, but at what cost?
It is not that I don’t pray
For this uncertainty to stop
But there is nothing I can say
To help me today.
Of the quiet days.
May 2020 · 119
A Haunting
Sanjali May 2020
You rattle my dreams, haunting,
With a love I never found,
Our touch and kisses, daunting,
But I melt without a doubt.

I know I told you, you’re a dream
You just laughed and said aloud
You’re here with me, as I am free
Our love explores unbound.

You rattle me, with your haunting,
Our love was never around
Then I wonder, how daunting
If I went and looked about.
Apr 2020 · 348
Veil
Sanjali Apr 2020
And the fog inside my head
Doesn’t claw its way out
I’m thankful but yet
Can’t bear it to stay forever
Putting me at an unwilling rest.
Apr 2020 · 412
At The Crossroads
Sanjali Apr 2020
Meet me at the crossroads
Where death divides the world,
Where the grass is green as it sleeps in its bed,
Where the people of the world are alive but as I said,
It is all too late for their hearts to mend,
So meet me
at the crossroads
Where time breaks into eternity.

Living at the crossroads
Where there is no need to feel.
The birds sing quietly the songs for the end
Waves crash into themselves defining all that is left
Call it a new beginning or a numbed hell
We fall together
At the crossroads
Where fire and ice never clash.

Leaving behind the crossroads
Where happiness isn’t a need
Because you never came to my side
Because I think I’m finally tired of these lies
But still I long to say my goodbyes
Thinking you’ll meet me
At the crossroads
Where sorrow is nowhere to be seen.
Feb 2020 · 266
In My Mind
Sanjali Feb 2020
There are monsters crawling up my back.
Sit up straight, cut off the slack!
You never hear their whispering buzz,
Their silent bites. They don’t know ‘enough’.

Do you ever wonder what they speak?
Why do they stay behind where you can’t see?
Do you know how they survive?
These people say “they’re in your mind.”

That would be funny, don’t you agree?
If they were on my back and under seams.
Crawling up my spine behind my eyes
Nibbling away on nerves at night.

There are monsters crawling up my back.
Don’t look away, they might attack.
Scuttering from sight just as you move.
Luckily, there’s nothing you could lose.
Feb 2020 · 90
Ghostly Pain
Sanjali Feb 2020
I will write you, sweet love,
In all my words unknowingly,
I'll hum your melody as I walk
And breathe your memories as I weep.

At nights you'll lie undisturbed
Over the sheets I cannot bear
To wrap myself in, these faint blue colors
Bring me to your nightmare.

But you'll see one day they stop,
One day it rains and I dance with joy,
But I run out of words to bleed
Because I don't know what I wrote about.

The ghostly pain that possessed me to ramble,
It's forgotten.
Feb 2020 · 129
To Me
Sanjali Feb 2020
I hear you breathing through the phone
Light on my ears, warm in my bones
Out in the world, to me
Veering its way, from mountains to sea
Each time it turns, to me
Your breath and soul
Onwards; explore. Find the way to my breath
Unto me.
Sanjali Feb 2020
Some bow down under the weight
of their beauty, their humble grace,
some have their gaze at the dirt
to contemplate time and its turns.
Some stay away from the light
but have their scent blossom each night,
some stay under their petal shells
but if one looks, one can tell-

Some roses bloom quietly
and they do not catch the eye,
Death cradles them like his child
When Life loses the die.
Dec 2019 · 187
Texts
Sanjali Dec 2019
‘Hello,
How are you?’
“Fine.”
The reply comes through.

You can wait an hour
Or maybe two,
Soon you will see
Words are hollow tools.

Lack of empathy
And care.
Degeneration-
World is in despair.

Crying faces
And white lies.
Yet blind gazes
Swim through the night.

There are no friends
Behind dead screens.
Knock and Knock-
There is nobody.
For meaningful relationships one needs meaningful interactions, whether online or physical.
Dec 2019 · 144
Dear Blue
Sanjali Dec 2019
How did I lose that golden thread
I wrote so joyously about?
When did the meaning of comfort change?
Why does it seem there’s nothing around?
My sweet child, Blue, I love you, I do.
But I must follow this path I have paved
Through changes thick or wrong
You and I must be strong.
But my love, do you resent me today?

Dear baby Blue, my sweet child its true
I don’t feel it in my breath these days.
But I assure you I will still find
All the reasons that have us bind
To this world and these fleeting ways.
I must ask, is that enough?
For all that I have now become.
Is this a sin drowning me in its wake?
My sweet love of Blue, I have to tell you, I do.
Soon this ocean will consume my name.
Nov 2019 · 245
Cosmos
Sanjali Nov 2019
I walk under cosmic streetlights
burning bright in dark winter
their faces on the water
reflect an eternal moon
parted into a hundred pieces-
the puddles pick up star dust
while my feet crunch the dirt
and we walk side by side,
where the dark will welcome us
eventually,
towards home.
Sep 2019 · 171
Flowers In Rain
Sanjali Sep 2019
Stop running your cold fingers
Over the skin of my back.
These harsh embraces, I fear,
Won’t make up for the things I lack.

Your blue lips remind me
Of some flowers I saw in rain.
Recalling your glassy eyes
I wonder how I’ll ever ease this pain.

Maybe when I take a walk
I’ll hear the melody of your steps.
When I come across familiar lanes
I’ll know the love for me you kept.

The stones at my feet remind me
Of the stiffness of your arms,
Smothering me in the sweetest embrace.
When has love not brought us harm?

And yet I walk. I walk,
Till I reach your tender love.
Together again maybe we can watch
Some shooting stars above.
Aug 2019 · 394
24
Sanjali Aug 2019
24
No One Else

Even if I stand in midst of the world
The rain soaking up my being
Even if I dance and kick my feet
The puddles gently miming me
I’m sure no one would notice,
No one except the trees
Except the breeze and the tickling leaves
No one else would notice me.

Even if my face is covered in dew drops
The grass entwining with me
Even if butterflies think me a flower
And when my bones become kindling
I’m sure no one would think
No one except the earth,
Except the snow and the dry broken leaves,
No one else would think of me.
Jun 2019 · 274
23
Sanjali Jun 2019
23
-The  X  X  Sea-

The deep blue sea
Calls to me
But how do I travel back?
These muddy waters
Won’t make me clean.

The deep blue sea
Weeps.
I only see it with closed eyes,
It knows the end
It’ll meet.

The deep blue sea
Just wants to be free
Like you
Like me.
Jun 2019 · 211
22
Sanjali Jun 2019
22
-Gratitude Chain-
Once, I ignore it
I hope it’ll fade away.
Twice, I turn
Feels like a bitter taste.
Thrice, I walk.
I could never run anyway.

Keep calling my name.
Have no shame.
I walk like a prisoner
Bound in a gratitude chain.

Once, its cold
Freeze my blood, I pray.
Twice, a chill
I’m sure it’ll **** me any day.
Thrice, I walk.
Waiting for the day I’ll disobey.
Apr 2019 · 506
21
Sanjali Apr 2019
21
IN NEED

To be in need of comfort
Is not that good of a feeling.
Existence of a lamb abandoned
With no warm place for dreaming,
And as the sun sets
It’s all in the head,
Breaking a feverish slumber,
There never seems to be any rest.

To be in need of empathy
Feels worse than not feeling at all.
Black sheep of the crowd
Yet no one glances when you fall,
And as the sun sets
The world is in the head,
Sleep is an unknown action,
Picking yourself up is the only end.
Mar 2019 · 244
20
Sanjali Mar 2019
20
Believe, my little darling
In all your precious dreams
That are called silly
And make believe.

They’re the ones
That’ll keep you strong
And you need strength, little one,
To move on and on.

Who did ever say
That dreams are lies?
I’ll tell you true
This world isn’t right.

So my sweet little bird,
If you want to be free
Believe in your words
Believe in those dreams.
10.3.18
Mar 2019 · 207
19
Sanjali Mar 2019
19
Could I translate this feeling to something
Other than hitting my hands on the wall?
I think it’s getting tired of gaining dents
And I’m tired of gaining nothing at all.

So could I paint out this feeling to something
Other than suffocating on fog?
I think my brain is tired of overthinking
And I’m tired of thinking I could change this at all.
Feb 2019 · 1.0k
18
Sanjali Feb 2019
18
-Surely Unsure-

Being unsure of where you are going,
But sure that this makes you better.
Being unsure of what you’re going to write,
But sure that a smile is worth your letter.
Being unsure of your own imperfect name,
But sure it sounds perfect on another’s lips.
Being unsure of your flying fuzzy hair,
But sure it glows golden on fingertips.
Being unsure of unexpected events,
But sure you’ll adore whatever else you see.
Being unsure of what love truly is,
But sure of knowing what it could be.
Oct 2018 · 2.0k
Little Monster
Sanjali Oct 2018
Little monster couldn’t walk quite right
Her legs ached and burned at times
The healer didn’t have a cure
And the ones at “home” said it’s nothing more

Than monster’s own creation because
She’s a wretched creature displaying loss,
Always a burden for the ones who care
And no more did they want to bear.

“Little monster, you filthy girl,
Leave the house and find some work.
You leech at our money, our love and care,
And then complain of pain everywhere.

You despicable monster, weak of mind,
what will you gain from studying time?
I wish you’d leave right now, but wait,
You’ll only ruin your family’s name.

We came together for your happiness,
You hateful thing, why do you make a mess?
“I’m in pain, I’m in pain” it’s nothing but a ploy
You little worm, with emotions you toy.

Leave, you *****, get off my mind,
You know no love, so how can you find
Pain in my words, you’re just a rock,
I wish you’d die, you ruinous block.”

Monster girl fled from those words
‘I’m alright’ she said till she was numb.
In this vast world she felt alone,
With trees she talked of finding more.

Her body ached as she fell to the ground
Watched the stars till it was cold around.
A piece of glass was what she could own
Without being a weight on other souls.

This jagged piece reflected the light
From the moon and thousand fireflies,
Little girl thought the world was so nice,
But alas, she was just a monster in night.

She heard from the house her father’s voice
As he talked about her as a screeching noise,
She rarely spoke and yet she was
The pain in the ears of the ones she loved.

I won’t cry anymore, she pledged,
Her room alone knew that she wept,
So often times she thought of hanging herself
But she wasn’t sure she could bear being out of breath.

And so it was she held a piece of glass,
Shimmering, it seemed like her freedom at last,
If only she was a human girl,
Pretty and lovable, she wouldn’t hurt.

Little monster girl smiled to herself
She wouldn’t cause pain to other selves,
The stars would remember that she had tried,
The sun would know she had no respite.

The glass glided over her soft dark skin,
Where only bruises marked her wrist thin,
Little drops of blood became more,
Little monster thought of happy lores.

“And they lived happily after” she mumbled quiet,
Her dark eyes closed to moonlight,
A firefly sat on her cold forehead
Thinking her to be a creature dead.

As the mist rose, she fell asleep,
The moon watched over her peaceful dreams.
As the moon’s lover rose
So did she,
To the worst nightmare that could ever be.
Sep 2018 · 8.9k
17
Sanjali Sep 2018
17
-Hello Love-

Perhaps it’s been a thousand years,
the rivers have shifted so,
the lakes I swam in, have gone dry
the waterfalls though, overflow.
And so it is, that I have wandered back
tugged furiously throughout days
by this rugged tinkling thread
back to this ancient maze.

Most surely it’s been several weeks
the leaves are rough to touch,
the grass withers where I step
but trees don’t ask for much.
And so it is, that I have rambled on
pulled strangely through the haze,
at last I fall under the rays of morn,
My love, I’m home again.
Lost and found
Aug 2018 · 2.2k
16
Sanjali Aug 2018
16
-Supposed To Survive-

I cannot understand
If I am weak or patient,
I cannot understand
What I should think.
Is it okay if I let life play
Or do I fight with all my will?

Wise people would say
'There’s a time for each way',
But how am I, the unwise,
Supposed to decide?
How am I, the fool,
Supposed to survive?
Sometimes my life seems to be wrapped around these lines.
Jul 2018 · 1.3k
15
Sanjali Jul 2018
15
-A Little Dead For Me-

I know your laughter

And your tears

Your frustrations

And your fears.

Too bad, you’re a little dead for me.

When you scream

I can’t control

Your own hands

From breaking your soul.

Yes, you’re a little dead for me.

I don’t want

To play God

But if you listen

To yourself on record

You’ll know why you’re a little dead for me.

Everyday

I’ll still pretend

I do not know

How this thing ends,

How you’re a little dead for me

And how I’m completely dead for you.
Jul 2018 · 1.7k
14
Sanjali Jul 2018
14
-Cat Shaped Bandages and Kisses-

Hello little darling,
How are you doing today?
Your hands seem to be trembling,
Your eyes hold what you can’t say.

Pretty little darling,
I’ll wait till you’re ready
Inside our blanket fort
With hot cocoa till you’re steady.
So tell me all your woes,
Your wishes and your dreams.
We can stay here forever
And stitch our love into these seams.

Sweet little darling,
Let’s light candles to make it bright,
You can be the sleeping princess,
I can be your loyal knight.
So when you feel it is okay
I can help you stay awake,
We’ll face dragons together,
Earn gold and run back to this place.

So my love, my little darling,
Let me heal your cuts tonight,
I have special cat shaped bandages
And kisses for every other slight.
(=O u O=)
mew
Jun 2018 · 343
Silly Poet II
Sanjali Jun 2018
Thinking in a corner
Silly Poet mumbles,
“What if the truth
Could simply be numbers?”

A voice persuades
“It’s not what you say.
Foolish Poet!
You’ll never find your way.”

“But if I could be three
And you could be ten
Could we not find
Where it all began?”

Silly Poet spoke
Then shied away
Afraid to argue
With one’s own shame.
Silly Poet needs some chocolate.
May 2018 · 1.1k
Silly Poet
Sanjali May 2018
“Silly Poet,
What do you write?
What are you thinking
On this deep dark night?”

I’m writing a song
For my sweet love
who broke my heart
and left it burnt.

I’m thinking about
A sky grey
With ashes falling
Instead of rain.

“Oh, Silly Poet,
Let it be.
You can’t fix yourself
With a rhyme or three.”

The silly Poet laughs
And continues living all the lives
That were created
Through the silly poet’s rhymes.
Never forget the battle
That was once your glory and light~
May 2018 · 2.0k
13
Sanjali May 2018
13
-Somehow-

“It will be okay.” you said.
“I doubt that, somehow.” I replied,
But I knew you wanted to help,
I understood how hard you tried.

“It’s falling apart.
Crumbling sights I can’t overlook.”
I said and looked in your eyes
You looked back and your heart shook.

I looked away and sighed
I realized it was no good
That you don’t see through my eyes
Even though try you would.

It was despair!
My eyes stung with tears.
But I couldn’t cry yet,
Not with your pure heart so near.

So I lied
Or maybe it was hope
I told you I’ll be fine
That you don’t need to worry anymore.

You smiled a little
I knew I had to try
There is still good in this world
For which I could stand up and fight.

“I’m still brokenhearted,
I’m still in despair,
But I have a little faith,
Enough to tell you that I care.”
It is hard for people to truly understand you, but it matters how hard they try.
Apr 2018 · 520
12
Sanjali Apr 2018
12
I’m on my way to find my soul,
With it I believe I will be whole.
Page after page I devoured some books.
Why, I wonder, do I get sour looks?
I only speak what's on my mind,
People say that it isn't kind.
But tell me just why I should lie,
What is there to fear when I'm about to die?
Pain and sorrow never do last
Neither do the actions in our past,
Happiness too flies away,
Is there something here to stay?
My existence is all I feel,
Then just why should I believe
In this world of changing lights?
Things come and go; Are they alive?
Soon, I hope the day will come
Where I will decide on what should become
Of this life that led me here
To this moment of utter fear.
I disappear or do I stay?
In this life tell me, I pray.
This was the first poem I published online, though the website now doesn't work anymore.
Mar 2018 · 1.5k
11
Sanjali Mar 2018
11
-Numbers 1 to 9-

I am happy to be here,
Where I can find numbers each morning.
Sun shining through my window,
I walk barefoot downstairs,
Even though my bones crack
I am quiet as a cat.

With warm coffee I can sit,
And as I nibble on the food
I fill out all the blanks.
My pen is black in color
Just like the ink on paper,
They both match each other.

I recall my resolutions
I made a list just days past,
But writing is so much fun.
I write numbers one to nine,
When they are correct I feel fine,
But some numbers I cannot find.

I have finished all my food,
So I go out to sit in the sunshine.
I cover up my face,
Place the paper on the grass,
I let the noise fade at last,
But I must consider every remark.

With criticism one can be better
But then why are these tears around?
I can’t find seven and eight.
I need those numbers,
I need to make them match,
I need to complete these lines.
Wrote this in January, hence the resolution part \o/
Mar 2018 · 343
10
Sanjali Mar 2018
10
-And They Lived-

You have ceased to be the thought of my mornings,
You no longer comfort my nights,
Somehow you stopped telling the story
And the pages weren’t visible to the light.

As I thought I reached closer to the book,
You hid it deeper away.

I don’t search for your letters anymore,
And I seem to like it this way.
Feb 2018 · 1.4k
9
Sanjali Feb 2018
9
This dark piece is not completely sweet
Melting on the tongue, I feel its make-believe.
How can it be bitter when I let it rest
And be like nectar when I cannot possess?
Dark Chocolate
Feb 2018 · 1.7k
8
Sanjali Feb 2018
8
-Undiagnosed-

Pray, don’t pity me,
For I do take blame
That I pity myself
And thus suffer this pain,
And please don’t mock
For there are greater ills
And more the deaths,
My suffering is nil.

Then perhaps
You’d maim my diet,
The lack of sun and
Poor exercise.
I need not even ask
How I’d improve my life,
When the bones sap my vigor
and seem to swell overnight.

And how could I ever try to say
That I see darkness when I go my way,
Pins and needles as I stand,
When the fault is mine anyway?

I shouldn’t even start to think
How my head throbs and pounds all night,
It’s surely because I don’t wake up with the sun.
But how do I wake when I don’t close my eyes?

Now, could it possibly be
You decided that I don’t rest,
That all this pain causes fatigue,
That sleep, you think, is for the best?
Consider when after hours and hours
My body finally dreams in defeat,
Would anyone care to do my work
If I shirk it off to get more sleep?

If the animals end up ill fed,
And the duties are not supervised,
With what peace do I lie in bed,
When it could be done better otherwise?
And so here I do write at six,
With my jaw stiff and eyes bright,
The wires of pain gently shift
Every time I move my hand to write.

What could I wake anyone for,
When painkillers don’t **** enough?
Just to say I cannot sleep?
I’d hear ‘wake up then, be tough’.
So do not again
Bid me to be strong,
Unless you tell the blind to see.
Well dear sir,
There’s no argument for that,
Except, please let me be.

What indeed could you try to cure
When I’m just deficiencies,
Of wit and courage, also strength,
Calcium may be imaginary.
But truly, I do agree,
With the opinion you selflessly endure.
For evidently
Nothing’s wrong with me,
And the pain one must learn to ignore.
Written October 2017
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