I'm alive today, but not sure why
I've been thinking a lot about life and when I will die.
It's sad to say, but truth often is
I'm left here in this empty abyss of loneliness.

Sitting upon my pity-*** gains me nothing in the end
I wish I would've considered my actions, now without my friend.
Crushed and polluted within my mind
A crime scene inside my brain you will only find.

So, what is the solution to the problem at hand?
How can I correct what has already been done and still be able to stand?
Should I run away or stay to face the music and internally die?
I know that I'm sick and tired of always wanting to cry.

I know God exists and he has a purpose for my life.
I know that he loves me and will always make a way, leading me away from strife.
So, now that I remember that beautiful promise he made to me...
I'm asking the Lord to carry my burden and help me to be eternally free.

Do I still think about morbidity and the way it would look upon my death?
Am I so selfish to be concerned with how I will take my last breath?
No, I refuse to give up and let the evil one win.
I'm going to turn my life over to him again.

Born into a world, where she did not belong
Her lungs were not developed, her heart was not strong.

Her body, so fragile, surrounded by glass
She fought bravely, but her little body couldn't last

The child was beautiful, she was named Heather Michelle.
The doctors were hopeful, but only time would tell.

As the surgeons and staff fought desperately for her life
Her mother was in pain and still under the knife.

This angelic child had to endure much more than the rest.
The family, prayed that God's will be done, whatever best.

Illness enveloped her and she became frail
Everyone had hope that their faith would not fail.

As the child lay lifeless in the hospital bed.
So sad, but true, the beautiful child now dead.

She will always be remembered for the struggle that she made.
And on her gravestone, white roses were laid.

Her mother, the addict, lives with regret and remorse
For she still will do anything to get her drugs from the source.

PRETTY POISON

You try to call me
To make me feel you
Being broiled alive in a turmoil
that I can't.......even breathe

Your profession of love
Yet, permeate the disillusionment of my soul
Now i feel suffocated, utterly suspended in loss  
Sickened by the sight of myself, stuck in this hole.

When you do look at me
It is only with degradation,
I am just a prisoner within myself ,
Your deceit and support is a complete contradiction.

Have I become such a burden to you?
Because my choices in life are against your advice
You can't change who I am, that's who you loved at the start.
Once a burning fire for me, now only a heart of only ice.

The scales are tipped to your side
You are adored and respected by all.
I am the outsider, I'm not disullioned
Now, we can all buy a ticket and watch me fall

Always alone in a room full of people?
What would it mean if no one cared if you ******* died?
Have you ever put yourself in my shoes, even for a moment?
Crying myself to sleep every night, humility taking the place of my pride.

I can't turn back the clock
To alter the damage that has been done to you
I battle emotions and memories that ache, all bottled up inside
Don't worry about being subtle, I can take a cue.

Hear my words, I'll only say them one time
Certainly can't allow you to use me for a doormat or a lame.
I've made mistakes, but I'm an adult willing to take the blame.
You've done your job, I am leaving to end this crying game.

Feel the love inside my heart,
Like you used to before.
Or just end this agony before I end it all.
The pain I feel is churning inside me, deep within the core.

I don't know what to do anymore.
Can't you see I continually apologize for what has been done.
I'm losing my mind and I'm worried that I may do something I will regret.
Like hurt myself or hurt someone else, tired of seeing the barrell of your gun.

Pretty poision or siren you say I am
Such a shame you can't take credit for your own symptoms,  
By poisioning my thoughts you think I'll forget who I am....
So, you can sit there and complain while you **** your thumb.

But, the difference between you and me
Is that I know God is carrying me through these times.
He is the one that will be there with the Book of Life.;
Only God can judge me for every sinful crime.

Should I surrender again?
Sensing your pernicious, reeking breath on my neck....
Stinking like stale beer and nicotine
Does he realize that he is a train-wreck.

**** me harder, i will always say
I must like it when it hurts me this way.
Seeking anger and destruction within my heart of sorrow.
Realizing the detriment to my soul, I won't be here another day.

Inside the depths of my soul,
I must bid you adiew...
When I depart from you forever
I will finally feel brand new.

Apart from you, I am nothing.
Without your touch, I feel alone.
So take me now and partake of all I offer
I am so ready for every part of you
Your soul and your body and your mind.
I am taken aback by your quick wit
and your masculinity, slowly seducing..
Until I am panting with passion..

Your lips are like delicious apples
That are ripe for the picking.
And your body is glistening with dew.
I am forever tasting you and feasting upon your beauty
Until I am sated and am starving no more.
And as I lay back, so satisfied
I realize that without each other, this would never be.

So true, in fact, that I am mesmorized by your presence
And the energy I possess is all directed to you.
I wouldn't call it love, but I could call it amazing.
Listening for the sound of your heart beat
As the blood thumps, thumps, thumps....
You excite me so, there is not any word to describe
The tantalizing touch of your fingertips

And in a rhythm, we sway with the music
All time stops and logic doesn't exist.
There are just the two of us..
We meld together like we were fashioned that way.
Like I was never alone..
Or without you...

In the midst of all the chaos
The bridge to nowhere is full of traffic
And the people are all full of sorrow
But they hide it with their fake smiles

No matter the consequences
We seem to choose the things that damage our souls
Forget the past and engage yourself in the future
Pleased to be happy that the past is over

What can it be that keeps us from joy?
Could it be our own inner turmoil that is fighting against each other?
Or can it be that we really have no other options,
But the road that is laid out before us...

Sick. twisted, tormented in a vague place and time
Keeps me inside these walls, plastered with a black toothed grin
As i see the bright moon reflecting the brightness of the sun
And I realize that I'm only here for a short time.
Always so shiny and new
And there are so many things yet to learn.

So, my spirit will soar to the depths of the sky
And my soul yearns for only you
I'm in a trance that I can't break free from
I realize how strong my feelings for you are real.

So, standing at the crossroads
Again and again
Always makes me smile and ponder
We both started out as soulmates and friends..In the midst of all the chaos
The bridge to nowhere is full of traffic
And the people are all full of sorrow
But they hide it with their fake smiles..

I can only enjoy my time here
Be happy that I can write my pain away
Seeking love, harmony and peace
and always, write my pain away

4/23/2012

Take me as I am
Or take nothing at all
Conditioned by my environment
To fight or flght or just take the fall

Prisms of light encompass the sin
Rays of flame burn my flesh, such agony
Yet here I stand, daring the worst
Causing temporary blindness, butnow I can see.

You seem unapproachable when you so desire
The pain will subside, as you severe my esteem
But that's ok, I've been through worse.
I'll take another one for the teame.

Wish you could truly understand, I am real
Every disaquise and camoflage I use to guard my heart you see
I've been so wounded in the past
And for me, only the true, I can truly be.

So will you risk it?
Or is there too much at stake?
Why do you lurk beneath the shadows?
If I let my walls fall, will my heart break?

You are so beautiful to me
Even if you don't believe it
I couldn't hurt you even if I wanted to
Open your eyes to the true love you can get.

Incapacitated by my own illness
Surrounded by an invisible cage
Cannot fill this endless void
Broken by this choice of inconceivable rage.

Loathing all that evil brings
Sickened by the torture inflicted
Drowning by the tears I've shed
Dreading the truth that we've all become addicted.

Conscious desire turns my lungs into lead
Resplendence within my soul more intrepid than I thought
I know it's not the end, for now
The war of the mind cannot be physically fought.

The dripping of the candle wax
In the light of the moon
Insight of what's happening
Wishing it would be soon

Luscious lips
Burning flesh, insatiable
Soaked in your essence
intertwined, love so brutal.

Fascinated with the rythym
Your libido keeping time
My pelvis is throbbing for only you
Your body is truly sublime.

The feeling of bliss
Saturated with our body fluids, merged as one
On the red satin sheets,  we lay naked
On my mind,  in my heart,  blinded by the sun.

Torchered by divine lust
Kept satisfied in your essence, grateful
Irrisistable lips forever probing
Heart so full of love,  forever faithful.

venom trickles down his thigh
droplets splatter against the earth and sink
Poisionous saliva from one of man's admirer's
and all he can do is lay ther, afraid to even blink

Corrosion of this time has come and left us now
Left to eat away the edges of oiur every fear
Even while we fight this natural existence
Torrid weather beats our skin
The rage is within the human soul
Loaded on terrorism, humanity cries out
Evil deepens, while goodness remains somehow.
Point out the flaws, instead of the even ocean tides rythym.
Souls that still search for salvation
Amidst this momentary place we live, created by belief.,
Slithering like a snake, someone tries to fool you
Lash out with faith of something better, someone better.
Forging through the open mass of tyranny
Breathing in the seething, ******* lust of some
Bitter to only the ones who taste sour
Only to hope and pray my heart is not devoured
If only the painless bright light would come into play
I will go to sleep at the end of today
As I wake up in a pool of sweat,
All my nightmares play over in my mind
Keepng me trapped inside the shell of pure emotion

Blast off.,  Technloogy has come