All alone, again
Feeling meloncholy and captive
Within a cloud of intentional isolation
As each thought comes and goes without an answer.

Memories flicker in the crime scene of my mind.
My perception is clouded by questioning every suspicion.
As I try to stay unemotional and rationally make doubt my enemy.
This day has now ended and I have not made a decision.

Wondering when indecision and fear have intersected in my life.
Have I become so insouciant that I am blinded?
As I grow old and in my final hours, could this be my biggest mistake?
I am unwillling to dwell in the present and find happiness again?

Hours spent suffocating myself with regret
Tried to harden my heart to the point of no return
But, I perservere and try to rise above the abundancy of pain.
Licking the salt from my tears as they drip to my lips.

I now lay down, so silent that even my breath is quiet
Asking if the pain is worth the possibility of a true love that will last.
Will he crush my heart with unintentional love for another?
A chance, I guess, I am willing to take.  Or too soon?

I can only pray that the right answer will come during my slumber
And it will be within the will of my creator
Praying that my dreams will be filled with the answers that I seek
And tomorrow will be full of love, trust and loyalty.

when i say i love you
i mean i adore you
your smile is like a long lost embrace
your voice beckons me from miles away

when i say i love you
i want you to know that you are the only man for me
you are everything i dream about
and every possible blessing ive ever asked for

i couldnt imagune my lufe without you
and i know that my life would be void without your presence
your lips are what i think about most of my day
and you filk my nights with passionate bliss

you are the man i think about marrying one day
even though i told myself i wouldnr do it again
you are a shooting star in the darkness of the galaxy
i thank god for you entering my life every day

Your always playing the victim or guilt tripping me.
With eyes wide open, tell me what you see.......
The dark green forest falls quiet in the blackest night.
With a fresh, bleak snow hiding a monster out of my sight.

Down the path and out through the thistles
Escaping "it's" lungs pierce the night sky like a whistle.
Suffocating with fear, now I know that I'm done
Before the battle begins, "it" thinks the battle won.

I'm in shock on the ground and can't move not one little bit.
My head in my hands, falling down, not wanting to quit.
"It's" eyes are my death and "It's" thoughts are of pain
The storm clouds approaching, but it's not going to rain.

The distance between us nearly closes right in
Now, the true test is here, terror right under the skin.
"It's" voice is demonic and sounds of my demise.
Just the sight of "it" and I start praying for a painless goodbye.

I run and I run, but no chance, I will make it
So stygian now that I'm bleeding, falling into a steep pit.
Pitch-black of all hollows, reaching for the next mental wall.
My legs are all bruised up and wrist broken from the fall.

My screams are like razors that cut through the air
As I jump like a rabbit and out where it is clear.
The insects are buzzing to warn me to stop soon.
A symphony of the night just humming it's' tune.

And here is where I left you, as I stand toe to toe.
I told you before I just want you to go.
You have no goodness inside, just a monster, you've made.
The battle within your own mind will, again, be replayed.

As you turn and walk away, I wipe away a fresh teardrop
You've hurt me all that I can allow and now you must stop.
Master manipulator and thief, you've stolen my heart.
You showed me I was strong that day , now I can have a fresh start.

While I was sleeping,
He took my trust.
While I was dreaming
He was all about another to lust.

Love too much
Hurt too much
Always needing a heart to touch

Limitless sources of abundance so clear
No ability to cause you harm or unnecessary fear
Sometimes momentary blindness, inability to truly hear

Critical lapses of  excruciating, intensity from my vivid past
Try, as I might, to make the most healthy relationship last
As days turn into nights, I wish a moment of bliss with you that would last.

Not sure anymore, of anything that is real
Putrid, agonizing, annoyance seems to keep me off keel
Hoping, dreaming and wanting for my positive feelings to be real

Lustful thoughts of our time together feel ****** and surreal
In the midst of the anger and bitterness,  I realize I am able to feel.
Seductive, entranced, mesmorized with true love stamped within our hearts, forever sealed.

The dripping of the lukewarm indecision has grown old, decrepit and shames me in despair
Ready now for the realness of  a soul mate, never knowing one that cared.
So here it goes, where it ends, know one knows… now that my soul has been given and shared.

In the end, where I have always been
Crushed within the lions den
Here I am, nothing hidden, never knowing the why and when.

My heart is now yours and given of my free will
Never again will I have to trudge up  the loneliness hill.
The love that I seek has been found in you
With a light in our eyes, yours sparkling blue.

The things in my past that riddled me with fear
When the darkness replaced the light is no longer here.
I'm trusting you to love me and hope it is true.
This poem was written especially for you.

Tomorrow is today is tomorrow
A never ending saga of emotional turbulence
Breaking through the cloud of judgement and whispers

My feet are aching and in pain me so.
My heart is shattering as we speak.
My love is almost nonexistent.

He looks at me through intoxicated, glazed eyes
Angry again, yelling at me for something I did or didn't do.
I go to my happy place, my self-destructive shelter.

Why?  Why do I do this to myself?
What makes me stay a prisoner within these walls...?
When I am a free spirit that wants to fly with the eagles.

So I did something to myself,
That only I can do.
I hurt myself today to see if I still feel.

I had to use that line from a song about pain.
That's my reality today, tomorrow and yesterday.
Forcing my mouth to form words I simply don't mean anymore.

You fell for my tricks and devices.
You were a mark, but it's all turned around.
Now I'm the one in shackles and peering through the window.

Not able to breathe fresh air and make decisions for myself.
The shackles around my feet have cut into my flesh, dripping fresh crimson blood;.
My beautiful smile has been replaced with an angry scowl of sorrow.

I'm crumbling into a million pieces
That will never again fit together.
Something marred and broken, ugly on the inside.

Can't anyone see the signs?
The emotional abuse that causes me to run to danger.
Because it's better than the surreal cause of all my anger.

Lick my wounds,
Salty sweat burning the fresh scars, you have caused.
One day, I keep saying, but it will have to be tomorrow.

CANT SEEM TO GET THINGS RIGHT
OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I LOVE YOU AND WANT TO SEE YOU HAPPY
BUT HE THINGS I DO DONT SHOW ANYTHING, BUT PAIN

AT FIRST, I SEEMED ALRIGHT AND YOUR SMILE WAS BRIGHT
LITTLE BY LITTLE, THE APPEARANCE OF JOY SHOWED FALSE
YOU SAW RIGHT THROUGH ME AND IT SCARED YOU.  
I SAW EVERYTHING AS IT WAS HAPPENING, BUT THEN IT WAS TOO LATE.

DON'T YOU SEE I'M DAMAGED GOODS AND YOU CAN'T FIX ME
CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT I'LL JUST DESTROY YOU IN THE END..
FOR AFTER ALL, MISERY LOVES COMPANY.
EXCEPT, I'D RATHER NOT HAVE COMPANY THAT FEELS LIKE THIS.

ITS LIKE IN A MOVIE WHERE YOU SEE THE ACTRESS WALK TOWARD HER DEMISE
EVERYONE, BUT HER, KNOWS SHE IS GOING TO DIE
YET, SHE WALKS ON IN TOTAL IGNORANCE
IN TOTAL AND COMPLETE SURREAL STUPIDITY

INSANITY IS LIKE A TINY WORM
EATING AWAY FROM THE INSIDE OUT
YOU KNOW ITS THERE, BUT YOU CAN DO NOTHING TO PREVENT IT.
INSANITY IS MEETING ME AND THINKING YOU CAN CHANGE WHO I'VE BECOME.

SLOWLY, THE PICTURE FINALLY FOCUSES IN ON THE REALITY THAT IS...
BUT, NOW IT'S TOO LATE TO FIGHT.  
I HAVE TO RUN.  I HATE TO CAUSE PAIN.  BUT I HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE
SO, THERE IT IS.  YOU KNOW MY SECRET AND YOU PROBABLY WISHED YOU WOULD HAVE KNOWN BEFORE.

**** ALL THE ROTTEN, SICK AND TWISTED INDIVIDUALS THAT MADE ME THIS WAY
**** ALL THE SADNESS AND PAIN THAT POURS OUT OF MY SOUL LIKE A TSUNAMI
EATING AWAY MY FLESH, LEAVING EVERLASTING SCARS OF MISERY
**** ALL THE WHIRLWINDS AND DUST DEVILS THAT MAKE MY BRAIN UNABLE TO THINK CLEARLY

SO HERE I AM AND YOU ARE TOO
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DESERT, TOO EXHAUSTED TO CONTINUE MY JOURNEY
TRASH IS A NAME THAT COMES TO MIND WHEN I THINK OF MYSELF
LOVE IS ONLY SOMETHING YOU CAN FEEL WHEN YOU CAN LOVE YOURSELF

THAT ISN'T POSSIBLE FOR ME ANYMORE
TOO MANY MISTAKES HAVE CAUSED ME TO HURT MYSELF AND WANT TO HURT OTHERS
THAT ISN'T THE WAY IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE, IS IT?
FORGIVE ME, GOD, FOR I CONINUE TO SIN AGAIN AND AGAIN

MAYBE TO NUMB THE PAIN FROM BEING TOUCHED WHEN I DIDN'T WANT TO
MAYBE TO NUMB THE AGONY OF FAKE *** ******* THAT BEAT ME DAILY... AND THOUGHT IT WAS OKAY.
MAYBE JUST TO TRY TO SURVIVE IN THIS COLD, TWISTED WORLD THAT EVERYONE ELSE THINKS IS NORMAL.
MAYBE, I'LL NEVER GET ANY BETTER AND THIS IS THE BEST IT WILL EVER BE FOR ME/??

I SKIM THE **** FROM MY GLASS WITH A CERAMIC STRAINER
IT BARELY CATCHES THE TOXIC POISON THAT SHOULDN'T BE CONSUMED
I CHANGE THE CHANNEL A MILLION TIMES TO A MILLION DIFFERENT CHANNELS
BUT ALL I SEE IS RACISM, LIES AND THE LATEST GADGET A FAMILY HAS TO BE IN DEBT FOR.

WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO OUR RACE.... TO OUR PLANET?
IS THIS REALLY THE PLAN THAT GOD DEVISED FOR US?
CAN THERE REALLY BE A PLACE CALLED HEAVEN
AND WILL ALL THE PAINFUL MEMORIES BE ERASED WHEN AND IF WE CROSS OVER TO THE OTHER SIDE?

I GUESS WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY IS I'M SORRY FOR WHAT I'M ABOUT TO DO TO YOU
I'M SORRY THAT OUR PATHS HAVE CROSSED AND YOU HAVE TO ENDURE WHAT I HAVE COME TO KNOW
I HOPE THAT YOUR SCARS AREN'T NEARLY AS DEEP OR EXCRUCIATING AS MINE ARE
I DO LOVE YOU, AS MUCH AS I CAN POSSIBLY LOVE SOMEONE WITHOUT EVER REALLY HAVING SOMEONE TRULY LOVE ME.

Oh, how it looks so appealing
This ******* you keep feeding
Your pretend act of loyalty and truth
Just to bait me into opening up to you.

In a desperate attempt to woo me....
You continue to be caught up in lies
This anger I'm feeling is real
You've been caught and lost your appeal.

Why must you make me feel??
When everything you say is not real??
Such a waste of time and tears
Yet, you continue to burn me and now I feeol fear.

Fire plus Fire equals an iunquenchable inferno
So , I'm spraying it down with truth filled water
Tell-tale signs of past experiences of abuse and misery
My discernment now clear and my eyes can now see.

You need to accept that it is all done now
We've said our final good-byes
Hope she was worth losing me
******* for making me cry.

I'll ask you this once, my dear
Stay away from me, I' m making this clear.
My flesh leads me astray
But I'm making this clear today.

I seek someone who cares,
So, let me get out of your way.
No longer blinded, now able to see
You are definately not the man for me.

The crackling fire spits sparks into the night sky
The atmosphere is alive with bright hues of burnt sienna
Lighting your sober face with such pure beauty, that sadness cannot thrive.
As the dawn approaches, our love is more real than anything I've known.

Your eyes, blue as the sky with a hint of a storm cloud approaching.
Your smile is genuine and so sincere, I forget every other lover I've known.
Your physique is so perfectly masculine, every part of my body throbs in anticipation of your touch...............

The first taste of the change in your standard behavior
Left a welt upon my cheek and stung like bee with an addiction to hurt.
Your bitterness eats me alive, when the change of personality occurs....
So much so, I feel buried alive within the ground, slowly suffocating by the dirt thrown into my mouth.

Perfect?  I am certainly far from Jesus and believe me, I do sin.
Its difficult to remain unscathed or without retaliation, Ping-Pong, if you will.
Separation from the pain that scars, is self defense against all I know.
Refusal to be open-minded to the chance you are mistaken stunts the lessons we are to learn from each other.

Beating me into the ground with a shovel..  
Echoes of a tormenting, repetitive thud in a rhythmic balance of treble and bass....
Shakes me from my toes, violently shuddering with anger, sometimes fear.
Sorrow aches within my body from somewhere deep within ..

And as the cycle starts again from sweet to sadistic...
Our hearts break a little more and wicked thoughts invade our purity.
As I lay here alone, I truly wonder if we will be able to withstand our cruelty to each other.

No matter what we want in this relationship of stormy seas...
We can't move on in a healthy direction without some kind of compromise.
No matter how much I love and adore you,
I can't be caged like an endangered species, with wings  that have been clipped for my own protection.

The awareness I possess of my own faults and provocative ways, can't seem to filter through
When intoxication and anger are in control of you, you seem to co-exist with a savage who slowly tortures me.
Your words are like demonic zombies running rampant in a kindergarten yard.
My flesh is being ripped apart as the blurs of a million of them scratch and claw as they furiously circle me and isolate their victim.

As I have declared many times before, I am no innocent.
I do not regard your sensitivity to my crazed, moody outbursts.
So spoiled sometimes, that I forget that my tongue can be the fork that eats you alive.
Used to getting everything I desire, before my mind comprehends the damaging violence....
My requests become demands that poison your view of me,  incinerating any growth we have worked for.

My addiction and your affliction divide us into destructive, savage... yet well-trained soldiers.
As we fight over petty subjects that truly don't need the attention we grant them...  
We both lose a battle we don't even realize is going on within ourselves.
Is it really that important to be right, if it means we are always going to be wrong?   For each other?

Now, as my pen has brought me to see what is the true reality without placing blame...
My question to you : Do you love me enough to see this through, while we both change things that hurt and cause catastrophic damage to a blessing we have been gifted with by God?
I know my love for you is stronger than any bitterness within my heart...

The hours that I have been writing this poem, as I wandered the streets aimlessly and without ever finding any peace
......But can you really truly understand that even when you aren't right by my side, my heart belongs to only you?
Can you absorb the words that coincide with my feelings of loving you, unconditionally??
Can we get through this and get to the other side ?  

I can only imagine how strong our bond will be just over the current obstacle put in our path.  
Only together seeking God's guidance and grace, while we both seek support from each other...
Will we be able to see the beautiful rainbow, God's promise given as a sign,
Patiently awaiting  our self-control, discipline and purity of heart to learn the lessons we must learn and incorporate into our lives.

Forgiveness is key, for I know the blame game is too often, played.
I'm not willing to give up.....
            I've felt the bond between us and I know how rare it is.
We can learn so much if we don't let outside influences win and say goodbye.

I'm tired of running in circles,
Aren't you tired of sleeping in your clothes?
Can we muster the strength to truly begin anew without fear of anger and loss?
Or does it matter to you what the peace and love will have conquered or will you only think of what it has cost?

My pain is like a dripping faucet
abused and mistreated
My overall condition, worsening drip by drip by drip.
Filling up the sink of life and drowning slowly,
agonizingly.

Choices made with haste and without true understanding of the possible result of the bitterness and pain I was causing.
The loss of the only child you carried in your womb, protected and loved by you, tenderly and with intent.
Mistakes so numerous, an exact moment of loss not known.
Immature woman given young child to raise in this world
of temptation, sin and emotional turbulence.......

-SIN OF THE FLESH CHOSEN OVER A GODLY LIFE-

My beautiful boy with a heart full of hope and abundance
damaged with a change of plans in my travels, unfairly and unjust.
Causing his vehicle to careen down an empty highway of bitterness and isolation.
Fortifying walls around his heart full of abundance of trust and love
Now cold and distant from the mother that shielded him from pain with strain and exertion.

My voice beckons him from across the canyon
To PLEASE allow me to make things ok again between us.
But, alas, only the echo of my own voice is rocketing in the distance
Emptiness and hopelessness, I strain to hear anything at all, no emotion allowed to return to me.  Not even an angry voice.
Beating myself with a metal chain, ****** and in complete desperation, standing on piercing nails with ripped off limbs.....

-OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER-  
FOR EVER??  
NO MORE CHANCES.  
FORGOTTEN, WATCHING IN DESPAIR AS HIS LIFE GOES ON WITHOUT ME
SO EASILY, HE MAKES IT APPEAR.

Regret is like an ancient building ruining the value of its neighbors
decrepit and broken down,
Depraved, isolated and abandoned with recklessness.
So ugly on the outside, no one dares try to re-enter the condemnation of the door.
No one believes it can ever be restored to its original beauty and inspiration.

Hopeful and optimistic for a reunion of remembrance and forgiveness.
Determined with purpose, willing to risk looking shamed and unlovable.
No more self-respect because of hasty, decisions and instant gratification.
Still holding my breath.  Could this be the time I call and he finally comes around?
Grasping to clutch, once again, the blessed unconditional love and trust of my only son.

Negligent and selfish, unintentional life choices of a mother
Difficult to completely accept responsibility for injuries sustained by my misjudgment.
Finally, after years of scripture and study,
Understanding the agony and misery
God must have felt to watch Jesus' beaten and prodded,

GOD SACRIFICED HIS ONLY SON
............THE ONLY WAY TO SHIELD US FROM THE UNIMAGINABLE PAIN AND MISERY
OF AN  ETERNITY  IN HELL ALONE AND UNWANTED
FINALLY RENEWED WITH FORGIVENESS!!!
AFTER WE HAD SINNED AGAINST HIM SINCE THE GARDEN OF EDEN FOR THOUSANDS OF YEARS.

Almost insane from the self-inflicted abuse,
Survival instincts start to make me want to give up and continue my bad choices to numb the memory of him.
Yet, still begging to have him love me again, even if it was for a single minute.
Dreaming of a loving hug from son to mother in earnest and heartfelt.  Willing to settle ANY emotion at all reciprocated.
Hoping he never makes a mistake that causes such irreparable intensity, empty and unwanted.

After 12 years of comforting and soothing and protection,
Everything lost, no more memory at all of mother needed...
No thought of how important he made me feel at one time.
Only father standing proud in picture next to child
                Lovingly smiling at him with adoration.

He respects him and loves him as much as he condemns and disregards me.
               He only speaks or thinks of me with disdain and total detachment
And.. Only when absolutely unavoidable and by force, it appears.
What kind of hell on earth is this?  
           My own tears drown my hope and regret now defines me with each effort of possible reconciliation that is tossed away like an unwanted thing.  

Drip, drip, drip.
My heart is ripped into a million pieces, by my own hand.  
Never to be needed again
If forgiveness will never be possible, tell me now.
                 Please have mercy, while I grieve the loss of my only son.  Yet he lives.

Take it into your sacred place
Where nothing brings you down.
Search your heart for what is real
Don’t listen to the gossip in your town.

Leave the fakes alone,
Let them take themselves out.
If you lose money in a deal,
Walking away is what it’s all about.

Free your mind from illness and debris
Thank your God for being alive today
Take a step in the right direction
And get out of your own way.

I am so difficult that I wonder how I've been able to survive
In this world of corruption, greed and power trippin' fools.
Beyond the surface, inside of me, there is pure love and joy
Always pushed into a corner with hustlers with a hidden agenda, trying to be cool.

The choices in my life have my name written upon them.
Yet, the solutions come from the Divine, are words written upon my heart and soul
Traveling free, not afraid to be me...
So, I walk upon this earth, never allowing the evil to take it's toll.

Here you are and here I am too.
I try to understand why you did those things to me.
I come up empty-handed for the reason you chose that way.
Just when I thought I had moved on, I see you for who you are supposed to be.

You were diagnosed with Cancer and finally opened your eyes.
But, now it's too late to open up myself to the pain you can cause.
I tried to be there for you cuz that's just who i am.
Your never ending lies only hurt me and add to my loss.

She dreams a hard-working man;
one who comes home at night.
a man who grins cities
and smiles tall forests,
who mops sweat from a tanned face
with the frayed-but clean snows
of a thousand meadows.

She dreams a man, whose
rough-gentle hands
know wjust what to do
and he can do it too, just like that.
a man not too pretty, whose quick-eye
winks, a ******* jack of a guy,
too humble to be proud.

She dreams, in her silence,
of a man,
who can drive away a cloud
as though there's nothing to it
and without a word of brag,
but with her permission,
just do it.


wirtten by Daniel Williams

For you, my dear
I will simply try to hear you
Not to always agree,
Or discern the false from the true

Kept meaning to quiet my own thoughts
While I held still for hours trying to understand
Or decipher the inconsistency of the words
Without the satisfaction of a well thought out and productive plan.

I pray you will find happiness within
By chance, our next chance meeting shall be less invasive
Oh, what beautiful spirit cannot contain
So mystical, enchanting and always brave.

I bid you, farewell
My forever friend
I'll think of you often
Where have you been?

The flame engulfs us into physical bliss
Energy so powerful it knocks me to the ground like a ragdoll.
With every thought and hope for you to be happy and content
Another lick of fire singes my heart and soul.

When things are going your way,
Your smile can melt a snowman
And your eyes magically draw me to you
Like a moth to a flame.

But when the wind is gusty,
Your heart grows cold and hardens
The ugliness of the ice freeze me away from you.
While my fire is burning out of control just wanting you.

This flame I speak of is our energy merging as one.
The ice and cold comes from distrust, suspicion and rage.
A fire that consumes every molecule of my oxygen
Pushing me farther and farther away, being burnt bit by bit.

My heart is shattered with emotions I didn’t realize were possible,
Yet you react aggressively, without care of the consequence of your action
I pray you will never endure the utter destruction of a spirit of love
But maybe, you can have a chance at your next possibility of true love.

Unfortunately, I was the best you will ever have.
My love for you was pure and true.
The pain will subside over time, I pray
Hope others reading have the strength to leave someone they love
to heal their hearts and love another who deserves it.

Feel the fire on your flesh, burning, transforming your entirety
Keeping all your secrets, forever hidden from the ones that you choose to deceive.
And if you feel that he is getting too close, run away…. Far away..
Never be too far away from home, to truly leave.

There in the distance, there is a siren beckoning for you.
She has her hands out to embrace you, only to crush you.
Her velvet dress is plunging down, so deep  you can see inside her.
But, it’s never enough to make her want you as much as you want her..

Listening to the folk music in the distance …
I can feel the agony coming on to me again..
Could it be real “??   Could it be my fault, again.?
Seeking revenge through the strangest of ways.  

The rocks are so real, that the sailors think they are seeing a mirage
But in reality, they think they will truly live past this day
Gorging upon the flesh of the past in the true spirit of the future
Bent, solemn, tragic, metamorphisis of the human character.  
Dig deeper, into the humanity that is no more.

Lifting my eyes to the stained, blackness of  their souls
Freedom beckoning from a distance for miles
Sativa and honey dripping from the demons, black. toothless grins
As I ***** my empty stomach and wretching, green nothingness, human bile.

So go upon your merry way and sing while you die
Feel the ******* anger and bitterness eating your insides.
So then, you walk the plank, knowing your end is near
Never giving in to the blanket of fear.

Tell tale signs of forgiveness, that is rarely real.
Stop the *******, you don’t know how to feel.
You lost  your soul a long time ago, gave it up for a bag
Now your eternity is forever evil and you’ve lost your true life’s zeal

Every day is new and yesterday has already gone
Upon awakening, rubbing the slumber from my eyes
I pause to reflect of the day ahead
To dream of the courage to see hope and not despair.

Countless hours wasted on thinking of what used to be
No longer living my in fear of things to come
But instead embracing all that could be and faith in God.
Trusting and relying on someone we can't see, to shelter me from the storm.

Breathing in the beauty of the sunrise and the love that surrounds us all
breaking free of every lie spoken, continually aware to avoid self-will
Finally understanding that helping others strengthens our heart and renews our mind.
Everyone has a stumbling block to challenge us to be better than yesterday.

With our feet standing firmly on the ground...
We take our head from the clouds to seek everything good and true
While the past is still a memory, we can use our experience, strength and hope
Finally, a reason to let go of the pain we have stored up from the past.

As our eyes grow heavy and the day comes to an end
We can stay in the present, with a vision of what joy tomorrow will bring
Lying in the safety of our beds, always a prayer to give thanks
We slumber again, continually repeating the cycle of underserved blessings.

I’m in a blizzard of hate
Reconstructed and postponed to a more convenient date

I feel the LORDS light forever shining
Less stuffy and claustrophobic, supremely comforting

Paradise valleys of fresh fruit eaten at the vine
I keep waiting for that signal or divine sign

Follow me to the meadows and prairies
Seeking shelter and food, relinquishing all I can carry

To the final end, I fear is near
I'm out of breath and trembling in fear.

The horsemen have triumphed in this final hour
Down crashes humanity while standing tall is the Babylon tower.

Though a bit frightened, to be sure
I feel at peace and truly saved, finally surrendering to God's eternal cure.

I love you, always. I need you...forever.
You always find a way to make me smile.
You give my anger its own style.
Forgive me for all I'm not doing right for you.
Fill me up with your peace, love, patience and joy
And I will forever have your essence within me.
Remember that nothing will come close to the love in my heart
My heart and soul fully respecting you in every way

Love too much
Hurt too much
Always needing a heart to touch

Limitless sources of abundance so clear
No ability to cause you harm or unnecessary fear
Sometimes momentary blindness, inability to truly hear

Critical lapses of  excruciating, intensity from my vivid past
Try, as I might, to make the most healthy relationship last
As days turn into nights, I wish a moment of bliss with you that would last.

Not sure anymore, of anything that is real
Putrid, agonizing, annoyance seems to keep me off keel
Hoping, dreaming and wanting for my positive feelings to be real

Lustful thoughts of our time together feel ****** and surreal
In the midst of the anger and bitterness,  I realize I am able to feel.
Seductive, entranced, mesmorized with true love stamped within our hearts, forever sealed.

The dripping of the luke warm indecision has grown old, decrepit and shames me in despair
Ready now for the realness of  a soul mate, never knowing one that cared.
So here it goes, where it ends, know one knows… now that my soul has been given and shared.

In the end, where I have always been
Crushed within the lions den
Here I am, nothing hidden, never knowing the why and when.

My heart is broken in a million pieces you must now mend with your love.
Quite a task, indeed,  for anyone…. But your love surely comes from above.
And if you hurt me in any way, stand in line with all the others that who claimed they knew love.

My head hurts
Oh, how it pains me
Oh, how you pain me with your presence

Cant you see what you are doing to me?
Cant you believe things for yourself?
Why do you let them sway your opinion of me?

Forget that I am here
Forgive me for my faults
Transcend all things like God...  I dare you.

Secretly, plotting revenge within the realm of my existence
Hoping that all things will come to an end
Favoring my thoughts, severing all ties.

Here I am
In the midst of all chaos and confusion
The brisk wind chills me to the bone
Hoping this is all just an illusion.

I only trusted the person you showed me
And kept me in the darkened room
Always depressed......
And unworthy....

You slither around like the serpent you are and im filled with dread and doom.
Keeping me hidden away from myself, so not even i know the real me

Running from the ones who love me and care for me
Into the arms of an abyss full of tradgedies
Who can survive in a world full of voided space without love?

As i lay my head down, in a final breath,,,,
It is finally silent.
I know who i was, but its too late.

4-7-2015

The way of truth
Is a beautiful sunset painted in the sky
The colors so vivid,
My eyes smile with contentment and joy.

Standing at the crossroads
Knowing the wise road, in which, to travel
Straining my ears to hear that still, small voice
Beckoning me to let him carry me.

As we pass through a massive canyon
So immense, amazing and spectacular
Unable to control the sheer joy in my heart
So, I take a picture in my mind that will never fade.

So tired of pretending that I have it all together
As the walls I have created, tremble and shake
I will them to fall and allow me to feel every emotion
As my imaginary life seeps into reality.

The broken pieces of glass that have shattered
Blinding my eyes so I can no longer see
Squinting my eyes, the world around me
Leads me home again.

In the essence of my eternity
I pull my strings to get what I want, what I need..
In the eternity of my essence,
I’ve lost the ability to feel what everyone should feel, no more greed.

Take me into the abyss of my misery,
While the deep,  intense, thoughts abide me in my life’s way
Everything is platforms, *******, and sin
The dogs are in the way, opening their mouths before they know what they say.

The creek is filled with alligators, yet the pond is filled with fish
I find myself in the abyss  of anger, resentment and grief.
I’m trying hard to exist within the lines, within these symptoms.
With God’s help, I can begin to live with less sadness, more relief.

The bayou is filled with souls of those truly dead and memories of past
Some killed, some filled, some souls that have been sold
I ask our Lord for forgiveness, yet sin again, like an ignorant migrant worker
I can only try to fill my life with his joy, like the bible foretold.

Forever again, it seems an eternity  to me.
Severing all the thoughts that cause bitterness to bite me
Keeping all energies postiive, in the midst of a spiritual war
Wanting with all my heart for the me that God created continue to be.

live or die
melted by
choices made now
why must we believe the lie

evaporated and interest due
the enemy waits to see it through
with willing hearts, scarred inside
meant to be a journey, not an amusement ride

while the flowers grow at his command
we think that we have a better plan
soldiers surround the innocent to keep
children of darkness in shadows for the chance to leap.

what happens now has been pre-ordained
such a wasted life when the soul is stained.
Protected by an unseen source of love
shower us from the heights above

the question remains and will continue to be
must we stay in darkness, when we have the ability to see
sadness and regret steal the light from our eyes
seek the truth instead of believing the lies

Oh spirit, please awaken from sleep and rise
Our lives are but a blink of an eye
Surrender now, all of our flaws are to learn
And now, all consuming fire, every kind of evil will burn.

*******
******* for everything you took from me
my ability to make good decisions have tainted my time
And still, I wonder if you are ok.

Its time to be who I was meant to be.
Goodbye.

I finally feel the need for change
I completely welcome the tales of the past
Tragedy is what makes me who I am.
Seeking the entirety  of  the person I was made to be.

You finally broke through that armor of mine
The entire world looks at me and my decisions with disdain
Infatuation and interest, keeps me confined here
But I don’t know any more lessons to be learned from you.

I have learned some tolerance, patience and kindness
I have been taught to do what is required of me
Seeking the flame to brighten my day, my whole being
Still, waiting and watching to engage myself to thee.

Witchcraft and trickery are used all the time,
It doesn’t make it right or the best of the choices
However, I continue to persist and continue on
My spiritual guide is the only entity’s voices

I plea to thee, for a final chance
In which, to make this right
I am open and willing for another way
Seeking answers through my second sight.

Forgive me if I appear to be out of my mind,
I’m trying to give up on my painful memories, always keeping me down
The stars twinkle in the sky, the clouds keep moving around
Watching, waiting for that musical, whimsical, clarifying sound.

The wind chimes in the garden echo from a distance
Striking me at just the right moment, a moment of chance to be
Feel me at my core, feel me cover you with all of my love
Sell yourself to only me, against all odds, to have a chance to see.

Imprisoned within these walls that I have made
I find it hard to trust another man
But in the end, being alone isn’t the answer
I am doing all I possibly can.

But, I don’t give up and it doesn’t really matter to me
I’ll keep standing up, after getting kicked in the ribs for eternity

Touch me
Feel my skin underneath your fingers, hot breath
Melt into my soul, just for tonight
Amazing how we meld into one, almost close to death.

I'm clinging to you like a life raft
In this waterfall of lust
****** after ******, climbing to the next
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.

Faithful to our love for eternity
Brought here by unforeseen supernatural force
Lips locked, lobes licked
Panting and wanting more, not knowing the fire source.

Feel me, want me
Never forget me
I will surrender to you
Beyond our human existence and for eternity.

WHEN IT SEEMS LIKE ALL IS LOST
AND YOU HAVE NOONE ELSE TO COUNT ON, READY TO GIVE IN
ALL OF A SUDDEN, SOMEONE APPEARS
AND IT  CAUSES YOU TO TAKE INVENTORY OF THE  CHARACTER WITHIN

FOR ALL THESE YEARS, I DREAMED OF BEING WITH A REAL PERSON
SOMEONE THAT COULD REALLY ACCEPT ME FOR ME
YOU WERE ONE HUNDRED PERCENT UNSELFISHLY AND LOVING
I HAVE ALWAYS WISHEDTHAT YOUR  LOVE  COULD SET ME FREE

WHILE YOU SLEEP, SOMETIMES I GAZE INTO YOUR SOUL
NOT OFTEN WILL THERE EVER BE
SOMEONE WHO CAN TRULY LOVE AND BE LOVED
ESPECIALLY SOMEONE AS DIFFICULT AS THE LIKES OF ME.

THE DEEPEST EMOTION BURIED FROM A PLACE I'VE NEVER KNOWN
SUDDENLY, I ALL BECOMES SO VERY CLEAR
I'VE BEEN RUNNING FOR SO LONG. WITHOUT AN END IN SIGHT
THAT MY SELF-DECEPTION TURNS FROM COLDNESS TO ABSOLUTE FEAR.

IMAGINING MYSELF IN A TORNADO OF BLISS,
SOMETHING I NEVER THOUGHT I'D FEEL FOR REAL
NO MORE CONFRONTATION OF AGONY OR PAIN
THIS NEW FEELING OF TRUE LOVE STAYS STRONG, FEELING SO SURREAL.

PASSING THROUGH THE TURBULENCE OF THE PAST
USED TO CONFINE ME IN A STATE OF DISTRUST
BUT, NOW ALL THE PUTRID PAST LIES BEHIND ME
ALONG WITH TRUE PASSION WITH LOVE, CONTAINED BY HEAVENLY LUST

SO HERE ALL LIES RIGHT BEYOND THE NOW
SEEKING OUT TRUTH, NO LIES, NEVER WAVERING FROM REALITY
KISSES AND TOUCH, LOVE BEYOND MY BOUNDERIES
KEEPS ME TRULY HAPPY AND WITH NEVERENDING ECSTACY.

I WRITE THESE WORDS TO MAKE YOU SEE
I''LL BE LOYAL AND TRUE TO YOU
THANKING GOD FOR  EVERYTHING GOD BLESSES ME FOR
I USED TO BE LOST, BUT NOW I AM ONE OF THE CHOSEN FEW.

GOODBYE, I SAY, BUT NEVER DO I LEAVE
YOUR MERE PRESENCE PENETRATES MY SOUL
I FIND MYSELF AGAIN, USED TO NEVER RECOGNZE
FINALLY FILLING THE VOID INSIDE ME, FILLING THE IMAGINARY BLACK HOLD.

THE ONLY THING I CAN'T SEEM TO TAKE AWAY TO BRNG ME PEACE
CRIPPLED BY THE PAST, CAN NO LONGER GO ON
I TRDGE ON IN FAITH OLONE AND BY MSELF
AND THE MEMORIES OF THE PAST FIND THEIR WAY OUT AND FOREVER GONE.

Heard the morals
Junk the trend
Finding life in joy
Staying loyal to your friend

Abuse and ignorance
Carries the stench of blood away
Counting senseless judgement calls
Keeping faith at bay

Loop-holed documents
Stretching out the vivid lies
When all the while, in your head
Your conscience weeps sorrowful cries


Fold away a paper hat
For a rainy ******* day
Life is lessons to be learned
That’s all I have to say.

yesterday blurs
with tomorrows blues
kept inside the canyon of my heart
devastating the only soul that yearns for you

now, frozen in fear
amidst the cold retribution i created
wishing for a miracle that will soon emerge

I'm watching you as you watch me
It's breaking my heart to see you cry constantly.
WE have had memories that no one can take away
Even if I left right now, I want you to be ok.

These white walls are screaming and the nurses don't even care.
Feeling so lucky just to have you here.
The drip of the medicine slowly killing me
I only pray for it to be quick, if it is to be.

Life is short like a piece of sand on this beach.
Relationships and building character is what we should seek.
In one hundred years of advancement, we've taken ten steps back.
Perfect love and kindness is what we often lack.

We act so much better than the animals we cage.
Then wonder why mother nature is pouring out her rage.
The earth was freely given with more than enough to supply
When I think of the greed and selfishness, it makes me want to cry.

We are all so worried about what happened in the past.
If we don't start living in the present, our race will not last.
Instant gratification and materialism and power for a false sense of pride.
Are we ever going to adapt and evolve and stop the constant lies.

Friendships that last are hard to find
It takes a lifetime to truly appreciate the genuine kind.
We've been given a brain we are too lazy to use
It's like we're playing a game, in order to win, we have to lose.

My breath is now rattling out of my chest
Maybe now, my soul will finally be at rest.
When I stand at the gates of judgement, I'll smile.
Cuz life only lasts a second, but eternity is a very  long while.

Advice from beyond the grave and back
Love everyone, even those who hurt you, even if they don't love you back.
For the real test of character and spirit within you
Is forgiveness, kindness and always being true.

Meditate, reflect and do your best at everything
Time runs out so fact, you don't even notice it.
So stay the course and on the right path, whatever you do
Never say never, don't give up and be one of the chosen few.

It's over now
The time has come
When u realize what you had
You will understand where
True pain comes from

Glad you are perfect
But missing a heart
These deeply inflicted wounds
Have ripped me apart

How can you confess your love ?
When I can taste the bitterness in my mouth and soul
Sorrow and fear scathing my heart
An opening is left with a gaping hole.

Shear, pointed razor sharp claws
Digging into me like a fish hook caught on my lip.
....Intentionally, crushing my jaw and my ability to speak.

Always and forever, I will hold on to you like a life raft.
Why?  When your words stab me like a dagger in my heart.
Your tongue like a serpent, seeking revenge and harm to me.

Brilliant, you once were.
Severely handsome and crafty, like a gentleman not of this age.
Now your smile makes me sick.

But here I am and here you are.  
Seemingly stuck without a way out.
You want to get rid of me, and I can't imagine life without you.

I can't even leave the house without some type of consequence.
How can that be right?
I'm not perfect either, but let's be realistic.

It's just a matter of time
Before your memory fades away
It's just a matter of moments,

.....................................Until I'm gone to stay.