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20.1k · Jan 2017
Selflove and empowerment
I'm not perfect,
I know I'll never be.
I still strive for perfection,
Something I'll never have.

Society wants perfection,
Even when it says it doesn't.
Just look at ads,
Even vegetables have to look good,
For stores to sell them.

How can anyone or anything ever be good enough when held up against something unachievable?
Something not even the seemingly perfect people have or are,
Something we all know is impossible,
But we have heard that everything is possible,
So some of us never give up,
It will never make us happy
And it will never happen.

The only way is to accept imperfections,
Accept not being perfect,
Accept being you,
Accept being different
And accept life as it is.

I'm not saying give up on your dreams,
I'm saying don't make yourself something you're not,
this ideal that you have in your head that is unattainable,
this person that's so perfect that moving towards it becomes an obsession and addiction towards unhappiness, low selfesteem, depression and never feeling good enough no matter what you do or how hard you try.

I know it's cliche, but love yourself!
4.1k · Jan 2017
A privilege hid from me
I long for her touch,
Her body,
Her curves,
Her lips,
Her eyes,
Her lust,
Her hair,
Her thighs,

I lust for her,
Whom I cannot find,
anywhere at all
She is missing

I wish for her to be
On top of me,
Under me,
And most of all beside me

She is nowhere to be found,
Sometimes I have to wonder
maybe I'll never be that lucky,
maybe that privilege is not for me,
nor will ever be...

My biggest wish may never come true,
But atleast I'll be someone elses wish come true
That's the least I can do
3.7k · Sep 2016
I'm jealous of who you used to kiss,
Wonder how many you've been with
I'm jealous of who you might look at,
When I'm not there with you...

I'm jealous you'll see,
That I'm not good enough for you,
I'm not even good enough for me...
Maybe you'll then leave me,
Alone and broken in half...

I'm jealous of everyone I find better than me,
Scared I'll never even compare
I'm jealous of girls with confidence,
Something I've lacked from the start
I'm jealous of those fearless girls,
Because I'm filled up with fear
I'm jealous of their success,
Because I'm still way behind,
Where I really want to be...

I don't hate them for it,
I believe they deserve all the good they can get

I'm not jealous and hateful,
I'm jealous and sad,
Jealous and scared,
Jealous and hopeless
Jealous of the life I want,
That I'm so far from
Jealous of it all,
But still stuck to the ground
Jealous and jealous
I'm simply jealous...

Will I ever be pleased?
Will I ever be proud?
Will I ever get my success?
3.1k · Feb 2017
She was something...
Her lips looked like something I would kiss,
Her hips swayed like something I would hold,
Hold my hands around real tight,
Because her body seemed to want me close,
For me to grind up to her to make her make a noise.

I could see it in her eyes as she looked into mine,
She didn't want anything more than her body on mine,
My body on hers,
Our bodies nicely wrapped around eachother,
In love, pleasure and pain.
It was not just a game,
It was love disguised underneath ****** lust,
It was trust disguised under not knowing eachother much,
It was compassion disguised under playing it rough,
It was three words hidden underneath sealed lips and ashamed ******.

She was raw beauty, and a lot more.
She was something the saints should adore.
2.9k · Sep 2016
Coldhearted Beauty
She was the kind of lost that was unseen before
She was the kind of broken that's unfixable
She was the kind of beauty that's unfadable
She was the kind of love that was unforgettable

But her heart was cold as stone
Her truth were only lies
Her faithfulness was nonexistent and her love was false
But he couldn't stop
Deep down he knew it wasn't right
But there was something about her smile, her laugh and her touch...
That made it impossible to stop thinking about her, being with her, admiring her and loving her

It was painful, but necessary to feel alive
He couldn't breathe without her near
She had him on his knees, she had stripped him off his independence
To make him her needy wreck,
Filling the empty void in her heart
She loved the power and didn't care the cost
Her heart was made of stone
Stoning him alive
Until the day he dies
For all eternity
2.9k · Mar 2017
Princess in distress
As I sit here and stare into nothingness,
I feel your warmth beside me,
Even if you're not here,
Even if you might not exist,
I feel your presence and it calms me down.
Your chest against mine,
my hands around your waist,
my lips on your lips,
and my heart intertwined with yours.
I may never have the pleasure to meet you,
I may never deserve to greet you,
but in my mind I can create my own faith,
and my faith lays with you, my princess in distress.
I want to help you mend,
give you time to heal,
and make you smile from the moment you wake till you fall sound asleep.
You're my everything, but I might always get nothing.
You're my dream, but dreams don't always come true.
You may not wait for me, I can't expect you too either
It might be too late, it might be my faulth.
You can't fix something that's not broken,
you can't change someone who doesn't want to change,
you can't decide how a person should be,
you just simply can't,
is it so hard to see?

You walk around and try to control everything that comes your way,
you're shocked when someone doesn't do as you say,
you think you're God and that we should all obey,
the truth is no matter how much beauty you endure,
you'll never be anything more than what's inside of your soul.

Your soul is darker than the night,
your heart is as cold as ice,
I'll never fall for your spell again,
You're just a devil in diguise
Nothing more, nothing less

If somebody here needs a change,
look in the mirror and watch it shatter.
You're broken and bruised,
and give others abuse.
You're living proof that the outside is no reflection of the inside...
Beautiful outside, rotten inside.
2.6k · Apr 2017
Forbidden fruit
Your curves speak to me in ways I can't ignore,
Your eyes tempt me so bad it's hard to look the other way,
Your mouth seduces me,
Whenever you open it...
All I can think of is closing it,
Because I lust for a kiss.

Your beauty is relentless, you bring me to my knees...
Oh, I hail to the almighty queen.
2.4k · Nov 2016
Mr.Evil's game
Just come here,
come here and break my spirit,
push me to the ground,
step on me while you're at it,
I know you'll love it, Mr. Evil, you'll love it.

Spit on my face and make me feel worthless,
isn't that your hobby and your passion?
You crush my happiness into bits and pieces,
you kiss me just to bite me,
you **** me just to hurt me.

Mr. Evil is pure evil,
he loves to give me a beating,
he hides in my closet and comes out at night,
to first wipe my tears but then to make me cry.

It's a vicious circle where he gives,
then takes,
takes it all away,
more than he gave,
I'm left with nothing,
nothing but more pain.

This is Mr.Evil's game and I don't really want to play.
2.3k · Apr 2017
Stare at you
I could stare at you forever,
Your hair,
Your lips,
Your eyes,
Your style,
Your beauty,
Your everything,
And you're everything to me.
2.1k · Oct 2016
Cup of coffee
Nothing calms me more down
after a long day
sleepless night
stressful hours
than my favorite cup of coffee

and sweet
fulfills my every need
1.8k · Sep 2016
I light a candle
I light a candle for everything I've learned,
Everything I have yet to learn,
Everything I've seen, been to blind to see and will see in the future

I light a candle to restore myself,
when my candle wants to burn out
I light a candle for life,
when all I see is Death

I light a candle to survive
This Godforsaken world,
while every inch of me
is struggling to get through
yet another day, hour, minute, second
of all this misfortune I've seen,
not only towards me,
but an endless amount of destinies,
is this ever going to stop?
Or are we doomed for living?

I surely don't know nor wish to know
Because I've learned that a lot of times,
the truth hurts more than lies ever will be able to...
1.6k · Jan 2017
I want
Isn't mystery and excitement what we all want?
It's what I want

I want to laugh till my tummy hurts,
Kiss till I can't feel my lips,
Fight till all we have to do is make love

I want a piece of passion every day,
A piece of love,
And a piece of chocolate

I long for power and loss of power,
Games, but still safety
I long for openness and honesty,
Authenticity and approval,
***, lust and pleasure,
Love, passion and betrayal

I want opposites, yet the same
I want both, and still just one
I want him, but her too
If I'm making any sense, is up to you.
1.6k · Sep 2016
Sociopathic love
Drowns your happiness
Brings your energy level down to zero
With one hit
They got you in their cave
Won't unleash you as long as they get their way
You struggle to be free
But are to blind to see
That your love is the one who holds you captive
Such a shame
Filled with sorrow and grief
Your love got you lost in a losing game
Impossible to win, the sole purpose is defeat
You still hold on cause you're brainwashed to the core
In desperate need of a revelation,
You search in the wrong places,
Mingling with the wrong faces
You end up alone when there are people around
And the one that was supposed to have your back
Turn their back on you
It's the inedible truth of sociopathic love
1.2k · Oct 2016
Makes me mad
The world makes me mad

Everything makes me mad,
You make me mad,
Everybody else makes me mad,
I make myself mad

Time makes me mad,
There's too little of it
Chores and obligations makes me mad,
There's too much of it

Life makes me mad,
You got things set up right in front of you,
But it's hard to change course from normality

This all makes me mad,
So I'm basically wasting my time being mad,
Leaving no time left to make myself happy...

Isn't it sad?
And you know what?
That makes me more mad than anything else...
1.1k · Jan 2017
In her eyes
In her eyes...
you see her sorrow,
you see her pain,
yet you can never explain,
you can never feel
exactly as she feels,
but you can't unsee it,
when you have seen it,
it's obvious.

Her eyes are the windows to her murdered soul,
Her murdered soul is the door to her broken heart,
Her broken heart is the key to her mind,
and her mind is what in the end is going to **** her.
1.1k · Oct 2016
Golden princess
I can't stop thinking about you,
wishing it was us two,
hopelessly in love with you

your smile make my knees weak,
your beautiful eyes bright up my life,
hair like a goddess, long, light and bright,
gosh, I wish you were here tonight

you're sweet and kind,
your heart is made of gold,
you speak to me in ways I can't ignore

My brain is occupied by your perfection,
my heart is captured by your essence,
my soul is longing for connection,
this is more than just infatuation

In this world,
in this moment,
right now,
right here...
there's nothing I wish for more than to have you
Honey, I love you

You're my golden princess
1.1k · Sep 2016
You're telling me what to do,
Bossin' me around like I don't have a clue,
Force is the only weapon you choose,
Can't relax in this noose,
Physical abuse.

My inner demon gets loose,
Fills my brain with it's bruise,
I need some good news,
But seem destined to lose.

In a fight with you,
You'll always win,
It's such a sin,
But it's how it's always been,
I want to make your head spin,
Spin till you lose that grin.
993 · Sep 2016
Confused love
Will I sleep tonight,
And be filled with inner peace
Will I sleep tonight,
And forget my fears

Will I sleep tonight,
And wake up brand new
To come and see you?

Even when I'm blue,
I sure miss you
It's all true,
I need you

Where are you...

If I close my eyes to sleep tonight,
Will you be there to hold me tight?
Will you kiss me goodnight as I lay my head, and kiss me goodmorning as I wake?

Or will you just leave and make me feel dumb,
Stupid to have done the things that I've done,
All alone, without you there
All despair, without you here

Do you really want me to come undone?
896 · Feb 2017
Can't sleep
My mind wanders,
As my body longs to stay put,
To sleep,
Load the batteries up

My depression stops by to say hi,
Remind me of everything hard,
Tells me I'm not good enough,
That nothing matters,
Or make sense anyway

As I try to close my eyes,
Forget the pain,
And break through the chain,
I'm chained so hard that I can't get through...

I can't breathe properly,
I can't close my eyes,
I can't relax,
I can't smile

All I can is cry,
Feel hopeless,

"What's the point?" goes on repeat in my head,
I try to make it stop
But it won't shut up,
It won't leave me alone.

It makes me wonder how you know,
How you can,
And why you always want to bring me down.
You come to me in my weakest moment,
When I can't escape,
When there's nowhere to hide,
Noone to hug,
Noone to confide in.

Why do these moments never stop?
Why will it continue in an evergoing everlasting loop?

You tell me there is so much to live for,
As I try to see it,
Try to break free,
The chain holds me captive in my own negativity,
It feeds me just more and more,
Till everything I see, feel and hear is darkness,
Everything I breathe is poison, everything I eat is death and everything I drink is blood.

Only love can save me now,
But then again, what is really love?
What is love? Real love?
How do you know?
"If you know, you know" they say
But is it for everyone?

These are the nights that ****** my being,
The nights that make me lose all hope I ever collected,
The nights that make me lose my will to survive,
The nights that **** me.

I have had better nights and probably will,
If not these nights take over,
Then I don't know if I'll be able to see the light
that awaits in the other end,
Because when all you feel, see, hear is darkness, how can you imagine to feel, see, hear the light?
And how can you be able to wait when your current state is unbearable?

Tonight I just can't sleep,
I can't shut off and dream,
I can just lay awake and feed on misery,
Just one of those nights...
Those nights that are all dark,
not just because the sun is gone,
But hope and all life too.

I need someone to come save me from the darkness.
864 · Nov 2016
You took something from me,
something you were not allowed to take.
You walk around like it was nothing,
when it was everything.
Your carefree persona provokes me,
you gave me nothing not to care about.

All you gave me was fear, anxiety, worries and doubts.
All you did was make me lose my trust.
All you were was just a demon,
a demon disguising yourself as an angel,
to get what you needed.

you didn't care the outlook,
you didn't feel my pain,
you just felt your urge,
your urge to release your *****.

You lied to me in my most vulnerable state,
to get what you wanted and not what I wanted,
when I suddenly said no,
you took it anyway,
because demons don't listen,
demons don't care,
for demons ''no'' doesn't count,
demons call the shots.

I hope you're happy,
because I am not.
811 · Feb 2017
Have you ever had that feeling of being inadequate?
Feeling like nothing is ever going to change? Same old, same old.
You want things to change, but they never do.
It makes you sicker and sicker for each passing minute.
That's exactly how I feel, and how do you keep you hopes up, your mood or anything for that matter?
Of course there is a lot to be grateful for, but when you are feeling so down, so hopeless, so alone and like such a failure... it's hard to appreciate anything at all.

It's all my faulth, because there is so much more I can do.
I just feel like I don't have the energy,  guts or confidence to try, and feeling like that only backfires on me.

How do I get the strength to be who I am, do what I want and live as I lust, in a world that tells us who we should be, how we should look, how we should think and tells us how we should live?
People who are able to do that, are one of the courageous people in the world.

We're lucky enough to be able to live as good as we do, and then we make stress for ourselves on things that don't really matter.
You have to do this or that to look pretty and stay young as long as possible.
We create needs that weren't even there to begin with.
We make them life essentials, when they're really far from it.

It's a ****** up world that kills the freespirited mind and makes us all live in cages.
Cages where everything is already decided, and if you don't measure up, then you fail as a humanbeing.
The truth is you fail more following the norm. You fail more not following you heart.
You fail more not seeing the world as it is, and doing what you can to make a difference.
You fail yourself being a coward. You fail your life. You fail the world.
You fail.

If you really feel like a failure, reflect upon how you are living your life and analyze if you are living for you, or for those who want to hold you captive...
The minute you stop just blindly following the crowd, is the minute you stop failing and start succeeding.
784 · Sep 2016
Indifferent world
You may think
''Maybe I should do something''
You still don't do it
You may think
''It's not fair''
You still don't help
You may think
''Poor person''
You still don't say hello
You may think many things,
but it doesn't matter,
if you never act.

One of the problems in the world today,
is indifference,
It's like we make small problems of luxury into worldproblems,
just to forget about the real big ones that are right in front of us,
it's too painful to think about.
Closing our eyes to the real problems doesn't make them go away,
doesn't make them any less real
and doesn't make them any less fatal for those they affect.

Take action.
It matters.
It makes a difference.
760 · Sep 2016
Dear Society
Dear society,

Don't tell me how I should think,
Or look
I'm not a reflection of your perception
And I won't ever be

You can't decide someone elses identity,
personality or style
It's their own to define
Don't take that from us

I'm sick of feeling like an outcast for trying to be me,
We should really celebrate each others differences,
Those are what makes us unique

You can stop trying to dictate my life,
My way and my being,
I'd rather be outside of your ideal,
Than be repressed under your glorification

My creative soul dies held captive,
And it blooms in freedom
I don't feel free under your judgement,
But I don't live to please you either...

One day I'll be gone,
And if I die suiting your reality,
I've been dead all along
If I die creating my own reality,
I've never been more alive,
Even on the day I die.

So dear society,

Don't tell me how to feel,
Or look,
I'm done being a reflection of your perception
And I won't ever be that again...
731 · Apr 2017
Why did you bring me to earth?
To break my soul,
Stamp on my heart,
And crush my dreams?

Why don't you believe in your own daughter?
Just put her down,
Break her spirit,
Even make her lose her faith...
In herself, everything and everyone around her?

Why will you let your own flesh and blood,
Be discouraged,
By you?

What are you?
What are you really?
Family don't do that,
You're not my family any more.

You don't deserve to be called my mother,
You're nothing more than a dreamcrusher...
728 · Sep 2016
Darkdestined girl
She sat with smoke in her hand,
holes in her heart,
blood on her wrists,
and pain in her chest.

Noone understood,
noone tried,
noone cared,
atleast that's what she thought.

She had given up on it all,
life itself.

She was broken and bruised,
simply confused,
lonely she cruised,
day to night, night to day
all by herself.

"What will the future bring",
she thought for herself,
searched for answers she never found,
moved from cigarettes to the needle,
all she needed was one hit, just one hit
maybe everything would go away
It didn't go away...

One hit turned into many hits,
homeless and sick,
cold and hungry,
on the ground,
she was never found,
in time...

The girl who had given up,
soon became a body so cold,
started to rotten,
and now her body reflected how she felt all along,
she was dead, dead to the core.

The girl who had given up,
and everyone gave up on her too.

She simply crossed the border,
the border from life,
and into the grave...
723 · Oct 2016
This feeling
I have this feeling within,
this feeling will not let me win,
it suffocates my every attempt on progress,
tells me I'll never make it,
and eats me alive.

This feeling,
Has been within me from birth,
and wants to stay till the grave
I'm this feelings slave,
I feel far from brave...

I'm locked up in it's cave,
can't get away,
If I don't want to stay,
It will make me pay...

This feeling,
is a devil in disguise,
this feeling,
is buried deep inside,
this feeling,
will not keep me alive,
this feeling,
has death on it's mind,
this feeling...
is fear

There's nothing I fear more than fear itself
712 · Jan 2017
A million ways
There are a million ways I can tell you,
show you,
and explain to you that I love you.

I can kiss you,
hug you,
squeeze you,
tease you,
and please you.

I can tell you that I love you,
in every language possible,
sing it as beautifully as I can,
and write poems for you to understand.

I can explain my love to you by holding your hand,
telling you everything I like about you,
what makes you unique,
and why you're the one,
the one I want to spend my life with.

There are a million things I can do, million things I can say and million things I can explain,
but none of them show it more than my lips as they touch yours.
692 · Dec 2016
Who, where, what, why?
Who knows where it all will end?
Who knows what we really are?
Who they really are?
If you get rid of society, friends and family
If it's just you and planet earth
Just you and people you have no relation or connection to
Who are you then?
You can't know
You will never know
Who you really are
If noone or nothing told you who to be
What to do or not to do
What's socially acceptable and what's not
How to treat people or not treat people
If nothing was said or unsaid,
How would it be?

What is this? What is earth? What are humans?
What is everything? Why is everything?
Why is everything as everything is?
How would everything be if nothing was as everything now is?
What would nothing be, if nothing was decided?
And would there even be an everything?
Who decided what everything's definition is?

To be so clever that we, humans, are
To create everything we, humans, have
We're also the most stupid, narrowminded, selfish and ungrateful creatures at the same time

Isn't it bittersweet? Isn't it strange?
I find everything strange, I find myself strange and everyone else strange
If you think about it, nothing is not strange.
Isn't it strange?
663 · Sep 2016
The ***** don't hold me no more,
Not tempted to go down that line,
Just to stop thinking and to feel somehow alive,
It was a destructive time, that's for sure
The nauseau it gave, the nerves it played
No good ever came from this game

It runs in my genes,
But it will not bring me to my knees,
I've managed better without,
Than I ever would with

I drank to gain courage
I drank to be myself
I drank out of cowardness,
that's what I did

Afraid to be sober
What would they think of me?
What would they say?
When I was drunk,
I simply did not care

I drank to feel happy
Or feel nothing at all
I drank to be promiscuous
To fill the void in my soul
I drank to meet you,
Because I was afraid to say hello

I started to drink to get by,
And felt empty when not,
I drew the line at that point,
To stop myself from selfdestruct

I've seen those paths firsthand,
From I was little to now,
I choose my life,
Not the alcohol in sight

The pain that it causes,
To both the person itself and those around,
Are worse than the agony
of keeping yourself sober...
(I wrote this poem in terms of alcohol abuse and alcoholism, not a healthy and normal relationship to alcohol. Just to be clear.)
657 · Jul 2019
Don’t let my mind
I look up to the sky,
While begging myself to stay sane,
I won’t let my thoughts wander to the extreme
Just don’t bring my mind down to that state

I lay awake in my bed at night,
Staring into the darkness
As I feel the tears rolling down my cheeks
Just don’t bring my mind down to that state

I stare at an empty plate,
As I ask myself what I want
I feel the hunger wants to prevail over me,
While my insecurities make me prevail right back
Just don’t bring my mind down to that state

I feel alone the moment you leave,
Like I am never enough all on my own,
I need someone else to make me feel worthy,
So l fill the emptiness I feel with my phone
Just don’t bring my mind down to that state
653 · Mar 2017
Look outside
I look outside,
See all the things that I'm missing,
I feel empty,
Too scared to still make the change,
I follow the same old pattern,
The pattern that kills me,
While I'm still breathing,
I'm choking myself slowly,
It's like a disease,
I'm supposed to live,
But I've given up,
Given up in slowmotion.
651 · Oct 2016
Outside looking in
If I was at the outside looking in,
I would see that this is a sin,
I'm not true to myself,
just true to everyone else.

The clock is ticking away,
as I'm wasting my life day after day,
scared to state my opinion,
open my mind
and fly to the sky.
637 · Sep 2016
When you have felt inhuman,
such a long time,
in so many different ways
It's hard to be human again,
on the verge of impossible
I'm filled to the edge with grief,
let alone pain, will this ever end?
Is this my destiny, my only possibility?
Tell me now,
It's hard to be kept in the shade of my own existence
620 · Apr 2017
Set myself free
Sometimes when I'm all alone,
I listen to my favourite song,
I close my eyes,
I get lost inside,
Inside my mind,
Inside my fantasies,
Inside my dreams.

I feel safe there,
It's my safe place.

In my safe place,
I find hope,
I restore my energy,
I patch my all so broken heart,
I find peace,
I smile,
I'm happy,
I'm myself...

Then reality kicks in,
Stress and worries,
Toxic people and environments,
Loss of faith,
Hatred and guilt.

Guilt of everything I want to do,
But never do.
Everything I feel,
But never show.
Everything I dream for,
But never reach for.
Everything that's me,
That I suppress.
Everything I like,
That I replace.

All that I am,
Is living a lie,
Trying to get by,
Like everyone else,
Just to survive,
But never to live,
Because I'm afraid,
Of the thrill.

But more than all,
I am afraid of you,
Your judgement,
And your hatred.
You scare me more than a life not mine.
You scare me so much my life is yours.

That's the saddest part,
All my life I have been wanting to break out of my shell,
And all my life you are the one who keeps me inside it.
I let you control me,
When I should be controlling myself.
I let you decide my destiny,
Because I'm afraid to fight back.
You are my biggest fear of them all.
It's you I hate and you I have to impress.

I want to break free and just be me.
See what I can be,
Control my own destiny.
I'm lost within my own chains,
In my own selfmade prison,
I let you imprison me,
Because I'm too afraid to try.
Someone set me free,
Someone show me how.

What is my life worth if it's not lived?
What is my life worth if my soul's already dead?
What is my life worth if it's not owned by me?
What is my life worth when I don't let myself be free?

I need to set myself free.
Help me set myself free.
A cry for help because I can't find the strength within me,
Even though I know it's in there somewhere,
I've seen it before...
603 · Sep 2016
I want a city that always breathes,
Never sleeps
I want dancing all night long,
To be wild and ***** too

I want singing all day,
I want something new

Make me feel alive
Make me smile
Make me laugh
******* and make me glow

Endless nights,
Endless fun,
Endless kink,
Endless life

My heart longs for excitement,
I'm too young to settle down,
Watch out,
I'm simply untamable now...
591 · Feb 2017
Be whoever I want to be
I need something more than you can give me,
I breathe for something you can't bring me
Something deeper to make me feel like I'm livin'
I long for dancing, long nights of sweet love and champagne
I'm young, wild, but not free
I'm chained of own will and want to break free
I'm scared to face the truth in front of my closed eyes
I need to man up, it's time...
It's time to throw these chains away and finally live.
Be free. Be me.
Be whoever I want to be.
584 · Jan 2017
Push through
When it's rough,
times are tough,
you keep on going,
no matter who,
no matter what,
that stands in your way,
you don't complain,
you push through,
you persevere,
you win.
576 · Jul 2019
Art doesn’t have to be beautiful,
It can be *****,
But it is still beautiful
571 · Jul 2016
My selfcreated darkness
I'm just laying here
In the darkness I've created for myself
To feel something
But I end up feeling lost
It's what I always do
I shut the sun and the day out
Wait for the night to come
So I can get out of my cave
And finally feel something
Peace and clarity
This is where I belong
No big crowd, no people
Just me and my thoughts
Less stress, less anxiety, more calming
But never entirely
Is this how it feels to be doomed?
Have I created my own undoing?
Or am I just sentenced to it?
God only knows
565 · Jan 2017
No meaning gives meaning
I'm writing a poem now,
a poem I have yet to decide the meaning of,
I just wanted to write,
so I'm writing.

Does it always have to make sense?
Do I have to have something to say,
or can I just say nothing while I say something?

Life is filled with meaninglessness,
so if I write something with no meaning,
I'm just contributing to an existing factor,
that nothing really makes sense,
life doesn't,
my poem doesn't,
you don't,
noone does.

See what I did there?
I actually gave my poem a meaning,
by saying that nothing means anything,
so I also gave it a depressing meaning,
which is sad,
but life is sad sometimes,
actually all the time,
it's always sad for someone,
even when it's not sad for you.

I'm just rambling,
because I love to ramble,
I love to write,
and love writing nonsense.

Writing nonsense is better
than not writing at all, my friend.
But you ain't really my friend,
I don't even know you
and I don't know if I want to,
I don't know who you are or what you stand for,
I just know you're reading my poem.

Even if it intended to have no meaning at all, I hope it gave you meaning after all.
521 · Dec 2016
Sad humanbeing
I'm a sad, sad humanbeing
Wandering in the night
I'm not lost, I'm finding myself
In the forrest, in the wild, all alone
This is where I feel known
517 · Mar 2017
Why is it so delicious when I know it's going to hurt?
Why can't I stop when I know I'm going to regret?
Why do I do this to myself when I know I'm going to hate it?
Why does it tempt me so bad, aren't I smarter than that?

Why am I so weak that I have to give in...?
505 · Oct 2016
My worn out eyes
My worn out eyes
stare through the crowd
no joy to be found

My worn out eyes
cry tears at night
nothing but pain around

My worn out eyes
are tired and dead
how they still stay up  
is a mystery unresolved

My worn out eyes
are just worn out eyes
nothing more
nothing less
just worn out.
500 · Oct 2016
Lust for love
Some days nothing is right,
everything is wrong,
I don't even belong,
anywhere at all.

I've had many of those days,
so used with the frustration and pain,
confused of all the different emotions
that runs through my brain.

I long for the days,
when smile and laughter fills every second of the hour,
I forget everything that's wrong,
because you make everything alright.

You are filling every empty hole,
of my every being,
patching them up,
and giving me meaning.
498 · Sep 2016
Let's go
If I asked you to come with me,
travel overseas,
to a place where we could be who we wanted to be

where nobody put us down,
nobody told us "You can't make it,
be realistic,
and stop acting silly."

we could kiss all day,
make love all night,
be young,
and be free,
like fish in the sea

if I told you nobody could part us,
nobody could hurt us,
we could be ourselves,
nothing to be blamed

you could live your dreams,
and be with me,
how would it be?

If I told you "Let's go",
Would you take my hand,
come with me,
into this world...
For all eternity?

Let's go, my love
497 · Jan 2017
My compilation of confusion
My compilation of confusion
I don’t know anything anymore,
I’ve lost myself in a life filled with faces,
unknown traces
I’m all around the place….
My heart is hidden, my soul is crushed and my eyes are closed,
My mind is confused of all these unknown feelings and wanting’s…
Who am I? What do I do? Who are you? Do I love you?
I don’t even know if I like you… let alone myself.

I’m lost in a place filled with time,
Just too little of it
I only see the obstacles and not the opportunities…
I feel like a failure, how can I achieve anything?
You can achieve, but I can’t
Too afraid to try, too afraid to fly, too afraid to live,
At the same time afraid to die,
What does this mean?

Nothing makes sense,
We people just walk around here doing what society tells us to do,
I don’t feel happiness, I only feel emptiness and anger
Where is the justice? Little kids are starving and dying,
While we starve to be beautiful
Looks are everything, brains mean nothing
You dress to impress, not to be warm

Sometimes I wish everything could change,
I don’t know to what,
But to something else,
Something better.
Why make things so complicated…
Don’t we have the resources to help?
The resources to change the ways of the world,
What society finds important,
And how people interact?
I just give up, like I always do,
Give up on everything and myself,
But most of all…
I just give up on mankind.
497 · Dec 2017
Hey there,  
the loneliness is here
It’s taking over my every breath
Till the point that I can’t breathe
No breathing in and out
Just existing
While I’m choking on my last breath
Anytime it can stop
Anytime it can disappear
I can disappear
My heart can stop
Just like my soul already did
It stopped the moment you walked away
The second you left
The way it felt
It died
Just like the rest
Everything that’s beating in my chest
Nothing left
But loneliness
Loneliness survived
It just continues to climb
From top to toe, it fills my insides
The agenda is clear
To take over everything I am and everything I’ve been,
Wipe me away till loneliness is mine
484 · May 2017
I still don't know
They tell you that when you know, you know.
I don't know how I know when I know.
I still don't know.
483 · Jul 2016
Do you even try
to understand the battle I'm fighting inside my mind?
Do you even understand
it's not because I want to, but it feels like my only option?

Do you even bother
to try to see it from my point of view?
See that my fear is eating me up inside,
that I'm also trying to starve it,
but the fear doesn't easily starve,
it takes what it craves
and it craves my soul

It's not like I want this,
but sometimes it feels unstoppable
my heart pounds crazy in my chest,
as my hands shake of distress,
it feels as if I go against my fear,
My life gets ruined,
I get ruined,
I'll wind up dead.

It's like the fear never gets satisfied,
it want more and more,
till there's nothing more left,
it never get's full,
just keeps on eating on my insides

I hope for the day I'll find my cure,
**** this fear
and just live my life again...
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