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alexis hill Jun 4
today

I sat very still

the kind where you can almost hear the silence. I could feel my heart alive in my chest. beating.

walk on. walk on. walk on.

it wasn’t easy
I had to crawl to get here.

a lot of time spent tip toeing
through easily depressing situations

I don’t do well with emotional upsets
slit wrists
like please don’t hurt me
palms curled to a fist

but I couldn’t seem to
escape
his body weight

some things you just can’t
undo

unlike a knot tied
and pulled tightly
straight like a line
testing for sobriety

I AM NOT
linear

but you are

just like how you
think the past
shouldn’t
bother
me

and how recovery
should be me
getting over
it all

can you really call
yourself a professional
if you have never
walked the line?

so.

please- try mine.
life side.
shatteredpoet May 27
one shot won't
fill it but maybe five or six
one pill won't do it
but maybe eight or nine
one night didn't fix it
but maybe twelve

the space is growing bigger
with each person that leaves
perhaps i'll double the dose
to double my chance
at being w h o l e
again

six shots didn't work
so maybe ten or twelve
nine pills didn't do it
so maybe sixteen or seventeen
twelve nights didn't fix it
so maybe thirty
there's a hole in my chest
and it's no coincidence
it's the same size
as the space my father
used to take up
Richard Yeans May 17
This is too much.

Surely, I did something
To deserve things as such.

A lazy, glassy-eyed ****.
You haven't kissed me open-mouth
In well over 15 months.

The good guy routine
Well, it isn't a routine...
But I artfully mask my anger with
******* at night
And in the mornings caffeine.

I imagine
That when you look at me
I'm less man than machine.

But knowing me,
I'll continue to flog myself
For these crimes I haven't committed.
And maybe one day the gavel will fall
And I'll finally be ever-acquitted.
Cole Maxwell Mar 31
Gravity seems to cease in mid air,
Time began to rewind like the VHS tapes we used to peruse.
Lost to the hopelessness of remembering all that was spoken,
Still trying to grasp what I was destined to lose,
Hungry for that which will fill the emptiness,
Clandestine decisions create all the rules.
A black hole type of control,
I went maniacal and shortly afterward became betrothed; enthroned though alone.
The bigger picture will soon unfold,
That night on the country road,
Driving the whip-it was an evening so cold.
Fairy Tales told in the fool's forest sparked
Demons perverse and sordid.
Fight or flight was being sorted,
The plight was horrid, closely courted,
Shield and sword defended horror.
Pretend to mend the chip on your shoulder,
Put up those walls around your border.
In short, the more you fake your disposition,
The closer your back gets to the corner.
Tire tracks in the grass led to the tree line,
Screams transcended smoke and steel,
Like hot steam rising from a forsaken teapot.
I wish facts weren't so ossified,
Because the force behind discourse and pride
Is hacked, controlled, and lost to time.
But truth remains in purest rhyme.
Quetta Rose Feb 13
powder in her nose,
drink in hand.
head in a faraway land,
tears in her eyes.
Memories of mumbled goodbyes,
heart beats in and out of sync.
Relapse with the beat,
game with her feet.
wispy black hair and loose limps,
forgetting everything except the feel of her body,
losing control.
how could she fall so surely to her rock bottom,
when she was with him she was higher than a kite.
so why must she say good bye to that high,
eva-mae Jan 25
mary jane has taken you away from me
you're so obsessed with the sensation
of breathing her in
it seems you have forgotten the feeling
of my lips, my hair, my embrace
in place of what you perceive as a better
lover.

mary jane has taken you away from me.
the people who love could never
love as intensely as she
caresses your senses, changes the tense
in which you think
do you think about me at all anymore?
see if you will tell
that i haven't been doing well.
void Dec 2018
slowly i learn
to push away the thoughts
of blood and bleeding
or pills and puking
of starving and loose jeans
of tragedies to other people unseen

slowly i tell myself
ill be okay
maybe

slowly maybe
i learn to recover

drinking and drowning
slowly i fall back
maybe i cant

slowly maybe
im stuck after all

slowly i pull myself
back up
i learn to shower
and eat and sleep
and exist again

my body destroyed
more and more each time

slowly maybe
i learn to love scars
and stretch marks
and chub

cheerful faces fall
slowly maybe i fall
back

but
slowly maybe
i learn to survive
You spent more money
To pop pills
Than you did on bills.
I guess numbness
Feels better than reality
Gods1son Sep 2018
I think I'm losing my chill
I'm considering popping these pills

Too many issues to sweep under the rug
I think I might have to do these drugs

I have too many needs
I might just get high on this ****

Look at me, nothing seems to be on point
Yo, I'm just going to smoke a joint

I have got nothing to flaunt
I will stay indoors and smoke this blunt

Too many things my eyes have seen
I need to slow it down with this lean
Or codeine or promethazine

At the end of it all, they don't solve issues
I'm begging you, stop drug abuse!
you are sleeping in a world i can't see:
there are
clouds
holding hands
over my head
and i only ever
dream of you or
nothing

study in a city
smog in my teeth
stale mint air...
...but you're always
in this forest
i keep in my chest -
silence and kissing
there's something
strange and soft
and
missing

dumb hopeful
lonely girl in the mirror
it won't stop
raining

it won't stop
wow i miss him and i'm okay but that doesn't mean i can't miss him
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